*i make mistakes. a lot.
*i mistyped a lot of words already. (binasa ko nga uli yung ilang blog posts ko at natawa na lang ako kasi maraming mali. haha. nakakahiya. but that just proves that really, i am human. :D)
*ilang beses na rin akong na-late ng gising, and consequently, late na rin sa school/work (gaya kanina. tsk. opo "isnabero", aalis na ako ng maaga. :D)
*may memory gap din ako. tsk. signs of aging. haha. kaya nga i have my daily planner and "to-do list" e. not because i am simply organized, but because i have poor memory. hehe.
*i've been fooled, not just once, but twice. tsk. i can hear papa saying, "taga-UP." (you know, that insulting tone. pinaikling version ng, "taga-UP tapos ganyan? anong klaseng taga-UP yan?" of course pabiro lang naman yung pagkakasabi niya. pero ganun na rin yun. oh well. hehe.
*lamigin ako. super. as in right this moment, i am already shivering. kamusta naman kasi ang aircon dito sa office. para kameng nasa freezer. waah. sabi nga ni sir erick, he understands na kailangan ng computers ng cold temperature, but hey, we're humans! hindi po kame computers. maawa kayo, patayin niyo na ang aircon!!!! grrrrr.
*messing with me means messing with a tiger. really, i bite. haha. joke lang. mahaba ang pasensiya ko pero pag napuno ako, punong-puno talaga. if looks could kill, marami na akong na-murder. haha. kalokohan lang 'to. mabait talaga ako. nagkukunwaring mataray lang para di mapagkamalang weak. ang kaso ang tingin naman saken ngayon e super strong. nagbago na raw ako, di na ako gaya ng dati. well, nagbago na talaga ako. marunong na akong lumaban ngayon. :D
*soprano ako. hmm, you might wonder, anong negative dun? well, masyado daw mataas ang boses ko. parang laging galit. oh yeah. yun lang. next item. hehe.
*wala akong kwentang ka-text. :D promise, wala talaga. pasensya na. ilang beses ko na bang natulugan yung kausap ko? haha. sorry. :( sobrang pagod lang talaga. you know, busy. artista e. hehe. seriously, wala talaga kayong maaasahan pag ako katext niyo. kaya nga siguro naholdap ako e. (huh?! connection? :D) nung isang gabi lang kausap ko yung high school buddy ko na sobrang tagal ko ng hindi nakakausap. tapos ayun, natulugan ko siya. at hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa siya uli natext. tsk. sorry ralph. ganito kasi, let me explain. :D ang phone ko ay ginagamit ko lang para sa information dissemination. as in pang-text brigade lang. kasi nga during work, hindi naman ako makatext dahil tambak ang trabaho. after work, sobrang pagod na. before work, tulog din ako sa biyahe. well, except kanina. kaya yun. isa pa, isnabera din kasi ako minsan. hehe. sorry naman.
there, i said it na. hindi ako perfect. BUT, i am blessed. i am wonderfully made. i am God's wonderful artifact. i am a princess. i am a child of God. and most of all, i am loved. :)
so what's this post all about? wala lang. kaninang umaga ko pa naisip yung post na 'to e. ayaw akong tantanan ng thought. hehe.
i miss blogging. i miss this.
i hope to write as frequent as possible. actually, i'm planning to set up another blog. haha. i just can't get enough of them. hehe. basta, may mga major changes kasi sa life ko starting tomorrow e. tomorrow is another year. happy new year to me. :)
i can't wait to make things happen. but why wait anyway? i'll make things happen. now. :D
God bless everyone. :)
be happy. God loves you.
i hope everyone's well and safe. i don't know how to begin. but i don't intend to post a very long entry because i know you guys are all busy, just as i am.
i'm sure everyone heard the news about how destructive ondoy and pepeng were. for those who have been worried about me and my family, thank you so much for the concern. yes, we were not spared from ondoy's wrath, but we're all okay, alive and well.
we stayed on the ceiling just to have a dry place to step on. it was the first time. since we moved here in 1986, never were we flooded. i mean, never THIS high. we were not able to save our appliances, except for the computer which my brother couldn't afford to lose. it was the first thing he secured. thank God the water didn't reach the topmost cabinet on the master's bedroom.
i was able to take pictures from my phone and they can be found here. (sorry for the low quality of the pictures.)
oh well. life goes on. and through it all, i am so very thankful to everyone who prayed for us and helped us in every way they can. titos, titas, friends, from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU!
guys, i'm really sorry if i lost touched with you. as i mentioned in my previous entry, i was held up. i lost my phone. i lost my contacts. i'm really sorry.
for those who have my new number but was not able to contact me during the storm, my apologies, i didn't have signal (thanks to Globe. tsk.).
again, to everyone, i hope you guys are safe and healthy. thank you for all the prayers and concern. let's continue to pray for and help one another.
*be still, know that there is GOD.*
P.S.
guys, please email me (here) your contact numbers. hope to hear from you soon. miss you people! :)
good night and God bless. :)
tomorrow is a new day.
by the way, i update my twitter more often. (it's the only social networking site i access in the office.) follow me at: http://twitter.com/bosstink
bad news: i was held up.. in UP.. a place i consider my territory.. =(
i still can't believe until now how everything happened. nung lumapit saken yung lalakeng yun at sinabing kailangan niya ng cellphone ko, akala ko makikitext lang. pero nung tinutukan na niya ako at sinabing sasaksakin ako pag di ko binigay yung phone, dun ko lang na-realize na hinoholdap na pala ako. nag-isip pa akong lumaban, tumakbo. kaso may motor na nakaabang (hindi ko nakita yung itsura ng lalakeng nagmamaneho ng motor kasi naka-helmet siya). naisip ko ring pag sinaksak niya ako, mabilis akong mauubusan ng dugo. at ayoko talaga ng madugong kamatayan. pwede ko ring sabihin sa kanya na wala akong cellphone. kaso lang baka lalo niya akong saktan. at baka pati bag ko kunin pa niya. so ang ending, sa sobrang nerbiyos ko, binigay ko na lang yung phone. wala na ako sa wisyo after that. lakad takbo na yung ginawa ko. salamat kay hazel at robert na naiyakan ko. hindi na tuloy ako nakapunta sa Christ the King. nagsabi pa naman ako kay Kuya Josef na darating ako. =( ang huling katext ko bago ako bumaba ng jeep ay si marshee. pinag-uusapan pa namin yung plano naming get-together ng tweet2. hay. until now, habang nagtatype ako, tumutulo pa rin yung luha ko. nakakasama ng loob. 6 years na akong may cellphone pero never pa akong nanakawan. sobrang maingat akong tao. matapang din ako at malakas ang loob. kaya parang kalokohan lahat ng nangyari. madaya e. wala akong laban.
pagdating ko sa Rosario, si Kuya Don at Ate Fel ang naabutan ko. at syempre, iyak na naman ako sa kanila. hindi pa kasi nauubos yung nerbiyos at trauma ko. kahit pa the whole time kausap ko lang si God, hindi ko pa rin lubos maisip na wala na nga yung phone ko. at oo naholdap nga ako.
salamat kay Jess sa pagiging sweet and thoughtful. nadatnan niya kasi akong umiiyak. bumaba siya. at nagulat na lang ako pag-akyat niya may dala na siyang donuts. wag na raw akong umiyak. ang importante raw safe ako. such a sweet guy. ayun, pinagsaluhan namin yung donuts. hindi lang ako ang nakinabang, pati na rin yung ibang service team. kapatid, salamat talaga!
malungkot. sobra. naninibago ako. kaninang umaga, inabot ko pa rin yung lagayan ko ng phone. only to realize na wala na nga pala akong phone. =( hay.
pero everything happens for a reason diba? so eto naman ang good news...
i realized a couple of things.. sa tulong na rin ng mga taong nakiramay sa pagkawala ng phone ko..
yung phone na yun ay witness sa maraming pangyayari sa buhay ko. kasama ko yun sa lahat ng panahon. yun ang orasan ko, reminder, organizer, lahat na. pero tama si Kuya Don, may mga kailangan na akong i-let go sa phone na yun.
pa'no ko ba ipapaliwanag? parang ganito.. yung kwento namin ni mae (soul sister ko). last year, during the MMC, dun kame officially naging friends. at dahil gusto kong magkaroon kame ng picture together, i needed to erase some photos dun sa camera. but what happened was, nabura lahat ng laman ng camera na yun. iniyakan ko yun pero ang realization ko dun, if i want to start anew, i need to let go of certain things.
i believe eto rin ang message ni God ngayon, sa pagkawala ng phone ko.
friends, i'm beginning to reach my dreams. little by little. and ngayon, i'm undergoing the Discernment Program for SFC Mission Volunteers. maraming magbabago sa buhay ko after ng 3 months na training at discernment. at ngayon pa lang, alam kong hinahanda na ako ni Lord.
may ilang buwan na rin akong nagdarasal para sa isang bagay. at sa pagkawala ng phone ko, ang nasabi ko na lang, "eto na yun. eto na yung sagot ni God."
i continue to pray for God's message sa lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. basta ang alam ko lang, God knows best. and He has the perfect plan for me. =)
to robert and to kuya don, thank you for these words:
robert - "ok lang yan. ang cellphone napapalitan. ikaw, hindi."
kuya don - "sis, maybe God wants you to let go of some people in that phone. malay mo hindi sila makakabuti sa'yo."
nakakatuwang isipin. nakaplano na talaga ang pagbili ko ng bagong phone. lagi lang nadedelay kasi may mga biglaang gastos o di kaya may mga pangangailangan sa bahay o sa pag-aaral ng kapatid ko na kailangan kong tugunan. pero eto, wala na akong choice kundi bumili na talaga. ganun din yung nangyari sa eyeglasses ko. nasa listahan ko na rin yun ng "things to buy". kaso nga lagi kong pinagpapaliban. hanggang sa nasira na lang siya. so wala na naman akong choice. haha. hay. sabi siguro ni God, "ang kulit mo talagang bata ka. akala Ko ba, gusto mo na ng bago? e bakit hindi mo pa rin pinapakawalan yung luma? hindi mo kaya? Ako ang gagawa para sa'yo."
naalala ko tuloy yung isang scenario sa Discovery Weekend namin. may isang activity dun na hindi ko pwedeng sabihin yung details. pero basta may kailangan kameng gawin. may isang sister na hindi kayang gawin yung pinapagawa. sa totoo lang, lahat naman talaga kame hesitant. pero ginawa pa rin namin. sa lahat ng nandun, siya lang ang hindi gumawa ng task. so nilapitan siya ng speaker/facilitator para gawin yung task para sa kanya.
sa buhay naten, may mga bagay tayong gustong makamit, mabago, maranasan. may mga lugar tayong gustong marating. pero kung hindi tayo gagalaw, at hindi tayo handang iwanan yung kasalukuyan nateng kinalalagyan, wala tayong mararating.
the Lord wants the best for us. He wants to bless us. pero ready na ba tayong tanggapin yung blessings Niya? how can He fill us with His grace when we are already full of other things? yun ang napagnilayan ko sa nangyari saken. hinahanda lang ako ni God sa mas malaki at maganda Niyang plano sa buhay ko. it has always been my prayer for Him to take away what's wrong in my life, whatever that may hinder me from becoming the person that He wants me to be. at sinagot na Niya yung prayer ko. i can see everything falling into place. my surrendering of the responsibilities i once held sa chapter, my undergoing of the discernment program, and my losing of one of the most important things in my life, my phone.
God can only fill us when we're empty. We can only receive His blessings when there's enough room in our hearts and in our lives. We need to let go of some things for us to gain much greater things.
lahat ng nawawala, may kapalit na mas maganda. =)
"Rather, new wine must be poured into fresh wineskins." Luke 5:38
"For that same reason, the one who is in Christ is a new creature. For him the old things have passed away; a new world has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17
"You must give up the former way of living, the old self, whose deceitful desires bring self-destruction. Renew yourselves spiritually, from inside, and put on the new self, or self according to God, that is created in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
friends, you can reach me through email muna ha? baka sa payday pa ako makabili ng bagong phone.
tweet2, especially marshee, i really hope masulit naten yung long weekend next next week. balitaan niyo ako ha?
love & miss you friends. i'll see you soon!
good day world! ^_^
.. yan ang paulit-ulit na binanggit ni Father sa homily niya kanina. we heard the same homily twice, maybe because God knows perfectly that we NEEDED to hear that affirmation. today is the last day of our leafleting for the current CLP, which kuya rhed and i lead. and i personally thank everyone who supported. :)
i've been quiet for almost a month now. just last night, i checked my journal only to realize that i haven't written anything since july 22. sad. =(am i really that busy? i guess so.
i work full time as web maintenance & admin personnel for a company in Ortigas. i work part-time (project-based) as rewriter/writer for an online firm. and just today, i started working part-time as tutor. i sing in two choirs, i serve in the chapter, and i lead the CLP.
one of my girl friends asked, "kasya ba ang 24 oras sa'yo?" well, amazingly, kasya pa naman. kahit pano nakakatulog pa naman ako. :D
still another friend commented, "sulit na sulit ang buhay mo." oh yes, walang nasasayang na oras sa akin. dahil ang totoo, wala na talaga akong bakanteng oras. minsan nga sobrang tuliro na ako kung anong uunahin at kung paano ko pagkakasyahin ang 24 oras sa lahat ng kailangan kong gawin, puntahan, at kausapin. pero you might ask, "kelangan mo ba talagang gawin yan lahat unaiza?" honestly, OO.
kaya ko naman. at sa totoo lang, masaya naman ako. nakakapagod syempre pero basta God has never failed to inspire and empower me naman kaya go lang. nakakatuwa lang kung paano kumilos si God. alam Niya talaga kapag malapit na akong bumigay e. during the Orientation, tinamaan ako sa sinabi ni Tito Noel. naniniwala raw tayo na walang ibibigay si God na problema na hindi naten kaya. pero during trying times, we find ourselves praying, "Lord, hindi ko na kaya!" totoo. guilty ako. dati. pero habang umiigting ang battle na kinakaharap ko, mas lalo rin akong tumitibay. minsan, tinatanong ko rin sa sarili ko kung pano ko kinakaya lahat. but of course, i can never claim na kinaya ko lahat on my own strength. i have God. and i remember yung "footprints in the sand", hindi ko lang basta kasama si God, He carries me as well.
at ngayon, kung kelan sobrang bigat ng dinadala ko, ngayon pinaalala ni God na kailanman, hindi Niya ako pababayaan. sabi nga ni Father, iwanan ka man sa ere at kalimutan ng mga tao, ang Panginoon, kahit kailan, hindi ka pababayaan.
and that's what i'm holding on to. people tend to forget promises, but God does keep them. sa mundong ito, hindi lahat ng mabuti sayo e kakampi mo hanggang huli. may mga taong akala mo mapagkakatiwalaan mo pero ang totoo, sila pa pala ang unang tumitira tayo patalikod. may mga taong akala mo pwede mong asahan pero hindi pala. there'll come a time when disappointment will be your friend. hehe. friend na talaga e no? e kasi lagi mo na siyang kasama at nararamdaman e. pero hindi lang naten dapat kalimutan na friend man naten si disappointment, best friend naman naten si God. =)
"hindi ako pababayaan ng Panginoon!" yan ang mantra ko ngayon. at yan ang katotohanan. ^_^
dami ko pa sana gustong i-share. pero yan lang ang pinayagan ng oras ko. next time na uli. :D
God bless everyone!
Friends, i love & miss you. i hope you know that. babawi ako. =)
God be in my eyes and in my looking;
God be in my ears and in my listening;
God be in my mouth and in my speaking;
God be in my hand and in my working;
God be in my feet and in my walking;
God be in my mind and in my knowing;
God be in my heart and in my loving;
God be in my life and in my living.
AMEN.
*got this from Father Xavier during his MMC talk. :)
God wants me to know....
...... that God has an important purpose for me, and made everything possible for me to succeed.
"That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success." - Facebook App
And this is the exact message that I need. Indeed, God knows. ^_^
nasanay lang ako na after manood ng One Liter of Tears e mag-oonline at magbblog bago matulog. :D
hmm. ano bang sasabihin ko ngayon? wala naman. magkukwento na lang muna ako.
once upon a time, in a land so far away, there lived a beautiful princess...
wahaha! nagkwento talaga??? at mukhang fairy tale pa ang balak ikwento. hehe. :D
seryoso na. ^_^
halos buong araw na umulan. at hanggang sa ngayon e umuulan pa with matching kulog at kidlat na super hate ko. kaya naman gusto ko ng tapusin ito, pumasok na sa kwarto at matulog. hehe. takot lang talaga ako sa kidlat. at lahat ng malapit sken, alam yun. (kasi may secret ako, secret lang ha? ganito kasi yun, nung buntis si mama saken, muntik na siyang tamaan ng kidlat, AS IN! kaya yun, takot ako sa kidlat. hehe. may konek ba yun? ewan. basta ganun. :D)
anyway, nagugustuhan ko na ang Book ni Tobit sa Old Testament. dun kasi uli galing yung 1st reading for today. nakakatuwa kasi tungkol naman yun kay Sara (from yesterday's reading) at sa anak ni Tobit na si Tobias. remember may curse si Sara? anyone she marries dies on the eve of the wedding. hanggang sa eto na nga, dumating si Tobias. umm, i suggest basahin niyo na lang yung kwento na nila. cool, promise! hindi boring. tinapos ko nga hanggang dulo ng chapter 10 e. kahit hindi na yun kasama sa reading for today. hehe. nakaka-inspire din kasi si Tobias talaga yung nakalaan para kay Sara. so sa mga single pa diyan, gaya ko, don't despair, God is still preparing the best for us kaya wait lang tayo (patiently and prayerfully). ^_^ onga pala, speaking of waiting, nakakatawa yung result ng quiz sa Facebook. haha. akalain niyong December 31, 2010 daw ang wedding date ko?! harhar. how would that be possible e wala pa nga akong boyfriend?! haller?! kaya sa groom-to-be ko, paramdam ka na, dali! malelate na tayo sa kasal naten! haha. :))
ay onga pala, eto na yung chapters. pasensya naman, muntik ko ng makalimutan. pasaway na facebook kasi yan. haha. sinisi pa ang facebook. pero promise, nakakatuwang sumagot ng quizzes dun. :D
Tobit 6:10-11, 7:1.9-17; 8:4-9.
ayun. tapos, ano pa bang nangyari? hmm. after lunch, kahit medyo maulan pa rin at medyo feeling ko tinatrangkaso na ako (minus lagnat), humayo (naks! ang lalim, humayo talaga. hehe.) ako at tumungo sa munisipyo ng Cainta. kukuha dapat ako ng Certified True Copy ng Birth Certificate ko kasi hindi tinanggap yung Authenticated Birth Certificate ko sa DFA (malabo raw kasi yung surname. fine.). sa mga hindi nakakaalam, sa Cainta talaga ako pinanganak. dun kasi kame dati. sa St. Francis. pagdating ko sa Registrar, nalungkot naman ako sa sinabi ni Ate. "Naku, 1986 ka, wala na kameng record niyan e. Kasama sa mga nasunog. 1985, 1986, 1987." waaaaaaaaaaaaah! ang saklap naman! alam kong nagkaroon ng sunog dati sa munisipyo pero ni sa hinagap e hindi ko man lang naisip na kasama sa mga nasunog yung Birth Certificate ko. kamusta naman yun? bakit naman birth year ko pa??!! :(( pero syempre, wala na akong magagawa pa. hay. so kelangan kong pumunta sa NSO. goodluck! hindi ba't napakaraming tao lagi dun?! at nag-uuulan pa. goodluck talaga! oh well, that's life. :D
ano ang mga nagpasaya sa araw ko? mga tao, mga bagay, kung ano-ano lang. hehe. mababaw lang naman kaligayahan ko e.
salamat pala kay ate ghen. grabe, kinarir namin ang pagdadaldalan sa telepono kanina. haha.
ayan. yan lang. walang kwenta no? hehe. e kasi naman pag dumaldal pa ako ng dumaldal, malamang hindi na ako matapos. hehe.
onga pala, nasa Pilipinas na si Mancao. tapos 29 na ang confirmed cases ng influenza A(H1N1), 2 dun ay exchange students sa DLSU. tapos may tumamang buhawi sa Barangay UP Campus, along C. P. Garcia. at ayon sa PAGASA, katumbas daw yun ng hangin ng signal # 4 na bagyo. tapos, break na ng Senado. magbabakasyon daw muna ang mga senador. tapos yung Air France plane na bumagsak, no signs of life pa rin daw pero hopeful pa rin yung families ng mga pasahero, lalo na ng nag-iisang pinoy dun. sabi ng pamilya niya, bilang isang seaman, tiwala raw sila na alam niya kung anong dapat gawin sa mga ganung trahedya. ako rin may tiwala sa kakayahan ng pinoy. survivors ata tayo! at higit sa lahat, naniniwala ako sa power ng prayer. kaya sa lahat ng mga balitang ito, at sa lahat ng mga nangyayari sa paligid naten, ang pinakamabisang pantapat ay ang panalangin. God is alive and He hears us and He knows best. ^_^
ang lamig. sarap matulog. pero pray muna.
good night Philippines! ^_^
FIX YOU - COLDPLAY
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...
Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
Today, I heard God singing that song to me. (And me singing, "how sweet it is to be loved by You", to Him. ^_^)
And nothing feels better than knowing that I am loved by no less than God!
I feel good! I feel great! :D
Yesterday, I talked to two people, a leader, and a best friend. And I was so surprised at how he (the best friend) talked, how he uttered every word, how he analyzed things - he's simply amazing. I've never seen him that calm, that serious, and that full of positive energy. Indeed, God knows. And He knows that I need someone like him (the best friend), and so He sent him to me. Before he left, he told me to think about everything, to still ask for God's wisdom, to talk to Him in prayer. I told him that I already know what to do. But he disagreed. Why? Because according to him, he still sees the hurt and the anger in my eyes. Oh, he knows me THAT well.
This morning, I woke up refreshed and renewed. I reached for my In His Steps to look for today's readings.
Here's what I found: Tobit 3:1-11, 16-17 (Prayer of Tobit and Sara's misfortune).
And I am so thankful that the Bible that I have has discussions on the message of the verses. Here's the discussion for the above reading:
On Tobit's prayer:
"He (Tobit) has dedicated his life in faithfulness to God and now finds himself poor, blind, and even insulted by his wife Anna. How does he react? He presents his problem to God without complaining about anyone, not even about his wife.
In the Bible we repeatedly see that God tests us before granting us a special favor. We will really understand when we hear what Christ says to the disciples of Emmaus: "Did not the Messiah have to suffer all this to enter into His glory?" (Luke 24:26).
He is in solidarity with his sinner people and finds it just to be punished, even though he asks to be freed from this punishment.
He feels incapable of fighting alone in life, and asks for death, but leaves everything in God's hands.
His prayer is to ask for strength and the ability to fulfill what God says and demands and not to present to God his own plan and ask Him to realize it, as we often do when we pray."
On Sara's misfortune:
"When we find ourselves in Sara's situation, we immediately blame God.
Sara thinks about her problem and, in thinking, she sees that she must change her mind and must not ask for death. When we look at one isolated event in life, we can despair, but if we look at the whole, we will always find some reason to keep on struggling.
Sara's reason to keep on living is her love for her father and her desire to give him heirs.
Whenever there is despair it is because we look only at one aspect of life as, for example, the economic aspect. Oftentimes, someone who fights for a cause, or a ruler, wants to give up everything because he is being criticized, without looking at all the good he would not accomplish if he quit."
This afternoon, I told Mama that I can look her directly in the eyes and tell her I'm okay. She asked me why. I replied, "because I already know what to do."
With that, I end this post. ^_^
Good night, Philippines! ^_^
just a quick summary of my day..
woke up at around 10am.
found myself alone.
talked to God in prayer.
had my brunch.
opened the computer.
searched for an inspiration, something to laugh at, or just anything to read.
applied for a passport online.
updated the infosystem.
made financial report.
checked mail.
submitted articles.
got a message from Sir G telling me that the training will be next week.
got several messages.
replied to some.
got a hug from our angel Sam.
talked to the "sponge" of my life - the only person i could talk to about anything.
took a nap.
had dinner with my brother.
watched One Liter of Tears. (how hard it is for parents to see their children suffer. now i understand why mama and papa feel the way they feel.)
about to sleep in a few minutes with a smile in my heart. ^_^
today is a lovely day. good night Philippines! ^_^
checked my email tonight and was able to read Kuya Ryan's post about the online workshop registration for this year's MMC. i clicked on the link which led me to the SFC Global site. i browsed through the articles with no intention but to just browse. but everything happens for a reason, and in every little thing, God speaks. and tonight, He spoke to me through the article posted by Ate Kate Deiparine, written by Dolly Macam.
God spoke to me powerfully in this paragraph:
"Let us not settle for relationships that hurt more than heal; careers that makes us miserable; friendships that alienate us from God and our families; habits that lead us closer to death’s door than to the purposeful life God meant for us; pursuits that benefit no one but ourselves; and lives that are not patterned after God’s wonderful plan!"
after everything that i've been through in the last few weeks, there's no place i'd rather be than home (where my true family is), no person i'd rather be with than mama, papa, arnold, and a few true friends, and no other love i'd rather feel than God's unwavering, unconditional, and everlasting love, the kind of love which demands nothing, that which does not root from just a need, love, in its truest sense.
truly, i deserve nothing but the best, nothing but God's best. why would i settle for less?
i am a woman. i am not just some THING. i was made by God to love and be loved.
days ago, i received this message: "kapag pinapakita mo na kaya mo tanggapin lahat, mas lalo ka nilang sasaktan kasi iniisip nila na kaya mo naman dahil strong ka."
i am strong, but i am not emotionless, no matter how hard i wish i am.
i am strong, but i am not insensitive as others are (i know many of them).
i am strong, but that doesn't mean you can hurt me endlessly.
i am strong, that's why i'm moving forward with no intention to look back. i can't turn back time. if only toni braxton had found a way to unbreak a heart, uncry the tears, and undo the hurts, i would ask her to teach me how. but i guess she hasn't yet. i just don't think it's possible. but what i know is it's possible to have a future way way different from what WAS and IS. and i am determined to have that. and i am starting NOW.
today is the last day of my life (coincidentally also the last of the month), and the first day of my BETTER LIFE.
God made me realize everything little by little. everyday, something happens. His message came in the form of quotes, verses, situations, people, stress, frustrations, and even hurts and pains.
and today, May 31, my parents' 23rd wedding anniversary, God sent me not one, not two, but three life-changing messages:
1. Be with people who know your worth. You don't need too many people to be happy. Just a few real ones who appreciate you for who you are.
2. Sometimes, you have to fight for something to make everything alright. You give your best and you give your all, yet you still lose. But if ever you get tired, tell Jesus, He'll take the fight and win it all for you.
3. You deserve God's best.
thanks to Annie, Mhalen, Shezha, Marshee, and Kuya Ryan who allowed themselves to be my angels today.
and to Ate Eden, for checking on me. (at least somebody cared. okay, i was wrong when i told She that i feel like nobody cares and nobody ever did care. there's somebody - there's Ate Eden and of course there's THEM ^_^)
and to THEM - my family (mama, papa, arnold). they're among God's best.
Kuya Ryan's blog post for today is entitled, "The Best May 31 Ever". i thought it was the opposite for me, but with all the realizations, with everything that God has revealed to me, i would say that today is one of the best days of my life.
two words: surrender and trust.
with that, i'm saying farewell to May and hello to June with high hopes of seeing the bright sunshine after the dark night and the heavy rain. ^_^
good night Philippines! ^_^
P.S.
just want to say this: the greatest commandment is to LOVE, not to USE. Love people, not things. Use things, not people.
yung bingi at yung nakakabingi.
1. BINGI.
Ako: Pa-load po.
Bingi: Smart o Globe?
Ako: Globe.
Kinuha ng bingi yung phone at binigay sken.
Bingi: Magkano?
Ako: 40 po.
Binigay ko ang buong P50.
Kinuha ng bingi at pumasok sa loob. Paglabas, inabot sken ang P20.
Ako: Ate sobra po. 40 po yung pinaload ko.
Bingi: Ay, 30 lang ni-load ko e.
HAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. FINE.
2. NAKAKABINGI.
Pagpasok ng bahay...
Nakakabingi (Pasigaw): San ka na naman galing?
Nabibingi: Kinausap po yung may-ari ng sasakyan.
Nakakabingi (Mas malakas na sigaw): Kumain ka na at magpahinga!
HAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY uli.
Gusto kong maglaho. Kung pwede lang. Kung kaya ko lang.
P: _ _ _ _ .. salamat mwah!
T: Salamat sa? You're welcome! (smiley)
P: Sa lahat. kahit pagod ka na, dyan ka pa din..
T: Walang anuman. Onga pala, as of today.... (report on what has been accomplished)
P: Huwaw! pano na kung walang _ _ _ _ _ _ (_ _ _ _) sa buhay ko. goodluck!
T: Hmm. E d walang makulit, walang magulo, walang pa-cute at pasaway. Kaso lang nandito ako e. Kya magtyaga ka muna. Hehe.
P: Hahaha.. napakahumble naman ng lambanang ito. hehehe
T: Ganun talaga ..*some text missing*.. kung gusto mo ng mayabang na sagot, bibigyan kita: Pag walang _ _ _ _ _ _ sa buhay ni _ _ _ _ _ _, may kulang na kahit kelan hindi mapupunan ng iba.
P: Hahaha.. tama! At tama! sa huling sinabi mo.
It's 3 minutes past 3 in the morning. And I'm still awake. I said I'm already sleepy, right? But why can't I sleep? I've been trying to relax but a lot of things are flooding my mind. I wanna shout but I definitely can't do that. A few hours ago, my brother and I had a very intimate conversation. It actually started with a question. We exchanged ideas and thoughts. And the ending? Well, he's asleep now, and here I am, texting my thoughts out just so I can unload them. I wanted to blog but again, I can't do that because I'll be disturbing Mama and Papa who are sleeping where the computer is. Hay. If only I have a laptop. Oops! Did I just yawn?! Alright! I guess this time I can rest peacefully already. This is it! Sleep time. 3:17am. End.
26 May 2009
*****
wondering what my brother and i have talked about? it's confidential. :D
*****
yesterday, 27th of May, Mama's 53rd birthday, i went to T to meet with Sir G, COO of QC. (confidential muna yung details. next time ko na lang i-share. :D)
while waiting for him, i overheard Ms. A's conversation with a guy (who, I think, also works there). at first, they were talking about the Katrina Halili-Hayden Kho scandal. but the interesting part of their conversation was when Ms. A shared a text message.
Ms. A (reading a text message): Wag mong bibitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba. Simple diba? Eto, mas simple: Wag mong hahawakan pag alam mong hawak na ng iba. At ito ang pinakasimple sa pinakasimple: Wag kang hahawak pag alam mong may hawak ka na.
Ms. A (making a comment): Anong ibig sabihin nun? Bastos ba 'to?
(i'm making the best effort not to laugh. haha.)
Guy: Hindi. Tungkol sa relationships yan. Love. Tipong kung hindi mo kayang mapunta sa iba, wag mong pakawalan.
Ms. A: Ahh. Pano kung ayaw ko na sa kanya?
Guy: E di bitawan mo na. Pero kaya mo bang makitang hawak siya ng iba?
Ms. A: Oo. Kasi may hahawak na sakeng iba. (LOL)
:D
*****
then, i went to UP. when i got home, i had my late lunch/merienda/early dinner. unintentionally, i fell asleep while lying on our sofa. i woke up at around 7pm, and only then did i realize that i'm already late for the rehearsal. i know i told ate aike the night before that i may not be able to join the chorale for now, but i love it so much i simply couldn't let it go. and so i fixed myself and hurried to the CFC center.
while on the bus, yho texted. (i already erased the messages and so i'm typing our conversation from memory - except for mine. nasa sent items ko pa kasi. :D some parts may be omitted.)
yho: good evening yha!
yha: hi yho! papunta akong center ngayon. may practice kasi kame. grabe, late na ako. nakatulog kasi ako. hayz.
yho: ahehe. ok lang yan. at least nakatulog ka nang mahimbing.
yha: oo nga e. sobrang pagod kasi. nag-aayos kasi ako ng buhay ko. hehe.
yho: (waaah. nakalimutan ko yung reply ni yho.) haha. inaayos talaga? (something like that)
yha: hehe. oo. mababasa nyo siguro yun sa blog ko one of these days. pag sinipag akong magblog. haha. basta inaayos ko ang buhay ko.
yho: diba ang inaayos lang naman e yung sira?
yha (enlightened): hmm. may punto ka diyan. mali pala yung term ko. hindi dapat "inaayos" kasi in the 1st place, hindi naman sira ang buhay ko. umm, pano ko ba ipapaliwanag? basta may mga mali na dapat itama, may mga pangarap na dapat abutin, may mga bagay na dapat gawin. so yun ang ginagawa ko. sabi nga ni mama, it's time na sarili ko naman ang unahin ko.
we agreed to talk after the rehearsal pero si yho ay nakatulog na. at si yha, wala ng load. haha.
*****
the day's not over yet. eto pa ang natitirang activities ko:
1. practice with the kids (choir)
2. rehearsal @ EDSA Shrine for the Marian Concert tomorrow
at sa ngayon, pahinga muna. :D
magandang hapon pilipinas! ^_^
Hindi naman ako masipag mag-blog diba? Hindi masyado. :D
Gusto ko lang magkwento. Marami na kasi masyado yung thoughts sa mind ko that's why I need to unload.
Since Saturday, parang may mali. Hindi ko lang alam kung ano yun.
Sabi ko kay She, pagod lang siguro talaga ako.
Yesterday, Ate Flory and Elmar were here. Pinag-usapan namin yung mga concerns ng Reg sa nalalapit na pagtatapos ng CLP namin. At kahapon, naintindihan ko yung sinasabi ni Mars na iba talagang kausap ang mga taga-UP. may kwenta. Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang (Pero parang ganun na nga. Haha.), iba talaga ang level of understanding ng mga taga-UP. Haha. Sorry naman. I'm speaking from experience. :D Hindi ko 'to sinasabi dahil sa taga-UP ako. Sinasabi ko 'to kasi sa totoo lang, pag mga taga-UP yung kausap ko, hindi ako nahihirapan. Malawak ang pang-unawa nila. At higit sa lahat, may kwenta silang kausap! I'm not saying na walang kwentang kausap yung iba, pero basta iba ang mga taga-UP. At si Ate Flory, bilang dugong Peyups din gaya ko, ay isa na nga sa mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan kong pagsabihan ng mga damdamin kong hindi ko masabi sa iba kasi alam kong she would understand. At hindi nga ako nagkamali. Actually she was the one who asked me kung may problema raw ba. Natanong din kasi ni Elmar kung bakit ako naiyak that night? Yun nga, I told her my reasons. At ang nakakatuwa dun, pareho lang pala kame ng feeling. And we feel the same way dahil pareho ang level ng pag-iisip namin. We have the same goals, the same standards. Not exactly the same though, pero magka-level. Basta ganun. Kaya nagkakaintindihan kame. At sapat na yun. ^_^
Kanina, Ate Ghen asked me, "how are you bunso?"
Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit, pero ang sagot ko sa kanya, "I would be lying kung sasabihin kong ok lang ako, Ate." Without further questions, she hugged me and said, "It's ok, bunso." It was very comforting. At na-appreciate ko yun. Maraming maraming salamat Ate Ghen. ^_^
Bago matapos ang araw ko, I mean bago ako matulog, (tapos na pala kasi ang araw. It's past 12 already, meaning, May 26 na ngayon.), gusto ko lang i-share yung mga bagay at taong tinuturing kong blessings sa nakalipas na araw.
1. Kids (Children's Choir) - sila yung mga bago kong "anak" na sobrang kukulit pero masaya kasama. kahapon lang naglaro pa kame. hehe. sumali talaga ako sa kanila. tapos nung dumating si elmar, sabi ni pogi sa kanya, "kuya, mamaya na lang, dun ka muna, naglalaro pa kasi kame e." haha. hay. i so love them. ang sarap lumabas ng bahay na sila yung sasalubong sa'yo. tapos habang naglalakad ka sa kalye, biglang may sisigaw nang malakas, "ATE AIZA!!" isn't that sweet? thank God for those kids. ^_^
2. Samantha - etong batang 'to, part na talaga ng family namin. at kanina sobrang natuwa ako kasi she was sooooooo sweet and thoughtful. paalis na kasi sila ni tita. actually, nakaalis na sila. pero bumalik pa talaga siya kasi hindi pa siya nakaka-hug at kiss sken. such an angel. hay. ayun. pagpasok niya ng bahay, lapit agad saken sabay hug. tapos umuwi na. hay. ang sweet sweet diba? sana hanggang sa paglaki ni sam, ako pa rin yung favorite ate niya. :)
at syempre, ang pamilya ko na kasabay kong kumain at nanood ng One Little of Tears. :D
ayun lang muna. na-realize ko lang, antok na pala ako. hehe. :D
good night and good morning Philippines! ^_^
last night, something happened. he said, "i already said sorry". "did she accept your apology?", i asked. he replied, "no. it's no longer my problem."
i've been thinking about his response. and i remember reading a comment on Ne-yo's version of Take A Bow.
just some thoughts, or rather reflections, if i may say so.
is sorry enough? i rephrase, is saying sorry enough? a famous line from Dao goes like this: kung pwede ang sorry, para saan pa ang pulis? and i remember hearing those words from him everytime i say sorry (back when we were still together).
based on what he said, and how he delivered it, i would say that to this guy, saying sorry is enough. it's as simple as "i did something bad. fine. i admit it. i'm sorry."
but, is it really enough?
to me it's not.
siguro yun nga yung nagiging problema. people tend to overuse the word "sorry", in the same way that they overuse, if not misuse, the words "i love you".
words are powerful. indeed. but words are not enough. there has to be action. there has to be sincerity.
hindi enough na may ginawa kang mali, tapos magso-sorry ka lang, ok na. vindicated ka na agad. and worse, you act as if everything's okay again kahit hindi pa naman talaga tinatanggap yung apology mo.
you can't say that "it's no longer your problem". in the first place, you gave her/him the reason to be mad at you. tapos sasabihin mong hindi mo na problema kung hindi man niya tanggapin yung apology mo? i don't know, to me it's a sign of being insensitive and irresponsible.
naalala ko lang, the same guy once said, "hindi mo na kailangan pang magpaliwanag. you already said sorry. tama na yun." (you don't need to explain yourself.)
yes, there may be times when you don't really need to explain yourself (especially when you're talking to people who would never understand because they don't want to understand, or even listen to whatever you have to say), but there are situations when you need to. because "sorry" is not enough. it's just a word. it's never enough.
a certain song goes like this: sorry seems to be the hardest word. and to that i agree. why? because "sorry" implies change, and along with it comes the responsibility to make things right. you don't just say sorry. you need to show that indeed you are sorry.
ang lungkot isipin pero ang katotohanan, may mga taong bumabalewala sa halaga ng salitang "patawad". at ang malala pa dun, minsan ginagawa na lang nilang rason yung salitang "sorry" para lang makasakit sila ng iba. tipong, "pwede namang mag-sorry diba? so pwede kitang saktan. mag-sosorry na lang ako pagkatapos."
parang ganito: "God will forgive me anyway, so I can commit as many mistakes as I want. He is a God of mercy, right? And He loves me right? I can always ask for forgiveness and come back to Him anytime."
narinig ko na yan sa isang kaibigan.
hay. should i say life's like that? that's the way it is? we're not in an ideal world. people are not perfect. and they're not saints, so don't expect them to be holy?
but aren't we called to a life of holiness?
i'm not sure if this is still connected and if i'm making sense. pardon me. i'm just typing my thoughts out. :D
we were given the greatest commandment, that is to LOVE. and a tagline from an old movie says, "love means never having to say you're sorry."
my point: do your best not to commit anything which would lead you to saying "sorry" in the future. do everything with love and out of love (and i mean LOVE in its truest sense). and most of all, be sensitive and responsible. ^_^
good night philippines! ^_^
if i am to describe what i'm feeling right this moment, there's no better word than tired.
this afternoon, one of my bestfriends came over, and i am so thankful for that rare chance to see him again (after ages). we weren't able to spend a lot of time together because i have already committed to serve in the 6pm anticipated mass at Christ the King Church in Greenmeadows. but at least i was able to chat with him, and to me that's more than enough. i always go for quality rather than quantity. just like what i told him last night, "let's just make the most out of whatever time we have, however little that may be." ^_^
during the mass, God sent two powerful messages:
1. Forget fate. Have faith. those words were boldly printed on the shirt of a YFC member (we sang with them, by the way. ^_^) and it just hit me so i noted it down. i have always appreciated random words of wisdom and inspiration and i never neglect even the simple things for i know there's meaning and purpose in everything.
2. God is working with us, and through us. this was the essence of Bishop Martires' homily. and as he said, if we only realize that fact, then there's no need to worry about anything. for we are sure that no obstacle will ever be too great for us to overcome. we have God, how else can we ever lose?i remember this inspirational message which a sister once shared, the will of God won't take us where the grace of God can't keep us.
after the mass, we headed to Rosario for our CLP.
right after the worship, i decided to leave and take my dinner... alone. tonight was just one night when i felt the need to be alone, even for a while.
i was able to talk to a sister, someone i trust enough to tell about what i have been feeling. i didn't mean to cry. it wasn't intentional. but it just happened. one, because i really am tired, burned out, stressed and there's still a lot that i need to do. two, because i appreciated what that sister told me. it really helps to know that there are people who believe in you so so much. she was one of those few people who never judged me as someone weak. instead, she empowered me when she said that there's nothing i couldn't bear and overcome.
and true enough, there's really nothing i couldn't win over, because i have God.^_^
i'm tired. physically. and i believe that's normal. but no, i'm not weak. and yes ate flory, it's okay to cry. it's never a sign of weakness.
i may be stressed already, but hey, i'm blessed even more! and i am thankful for the so many responsibilities and commitments God has entrusted me with. He has called me by name, and I will heed His call.
before i take my much awaited and needed rest, i'd like to thank some people. i don't usually name names, but this time, i want to. because these people deserve to know how their hugs and words have comforted me, especially tonight.
thank you she.
thank you ate gems.
thank you ate flory.
thank you ate eden.
thank you ate ghen.
thank you ate dianne.
^_^
sleep time for me.
good morning philippines! ^_^
hay. kainis. namatay bigla yung pc. huhu. at syempre matatapos ko na dapat yung blog post ko about my vacation sa iloilo. kainis talaga! wala na, tamad na akong magkwento. hay nako. ang haba pa naman nun. :((
waaaah. kainis talaga. gustong-gusto kong magkwento! hay. cge na nga, magkukwento na ako. uulitin ko na lang. mula umpisa?? noooooooo! basta magtatype lang ako. sana naman wag na uli mamatay yung pc. hay.
ayan, eto ang naging buhay ko sa probinsya:
1. walang signal ang globe kaya smart ang gamit ko. wahay. opo, kung may signal man ang globe, one bar lang, dun pa sa kusina o di kaya sa labas. hahanapin mo pa talaga. at dahil naiinis akong magbasa ng "message sending failed", pinatay ko na lang yung phone ko. kaya sa mga nagtext, pasensya na po. sa airport ko na uli nabuksan yung phone ko.
2. mahirap ang tubig at kuryente. hay. kelangan pa bang imemorize yan? probinsya nga e. at wala kame sa siyudad, wala rin kame sa bayan, nasa baryo talaga kame.
3. naliligo ng naka-patadyong o nakadamit talaga. kasi wala ring banyong paliguan. hehe. ang saya no? natuto tuloy akong gumamit ng patadyong. manang na manang talaga. haha.
ayun lang. hay. kasi naman ang haba na ng natype ko kanina e. natamad na tuloy ako.
pero basta kahit pa nadulas ako sa putikan (kasi laging umuulan dun kaya sobrang maputik), nagdelikado ang buhay sa single (aka habal-habal) nang minsang sumakay kame ng pinsan kong babae papunta sa bayan at barubal magpatakbo si manong, nabasa ng ulan (kaya naman sobrang gininaw ako sa airport, delayed pa yung flight ko), kumain ng uga (tuyo) 3 times a day, iniyakan at pinag-awayan ng mga pinsan (gusto nila lahat tumabi sken), at higit sa lahat, umitim, sobrang nagpapasalamat pa rin ako kasi kahit sa maikling panahon, naexperience ko lahat ng iyon at nakasama ko yung mga pinsan, tita, tito, at lola ko. more than that, happy ako na napasaya ko sila, lalo na si lola on her 84th birthday.
kahapon, sobrang lungkot, ayokong umalis. actually, mixed emotions e. gusto ko ng bumalik dito kasi nga ang hirap ng buhay doon, pero ayoko rin namang iwan yung mga pinsan ko. sabi ko hindi ako iiyak. pero nung umiyak na si lola, wala na, iyak na rin ako. tapos habang nagpapaalam ako sa pinsan ko, ang bigat talaga sa dibdib. hay. pero life goes on ika nga. hindi naman din iyon ang huli naming pagkikita. napagkasunduan kasi na at least once every year, uuwi na kame dun. yung mga pinsan ko nagrerequest na umuwi ako dun sa December at doon magspend ng Christmas at New Year. hay. sana nga.
i went back to manila last night via Zest Air flight Z2 172. delayed ang flight namin kaya naman past 11 na ako nakarating dito sa bahay. at sobrang pagod talaga. ang tagal ko kayang naghintay sa airport ng iloilo. wala pa akong makausap. walang anything. hay. you could just imagine kung gaano kalungkot yung feeling. dadaan pa dapat ako sa CLP kaya lang nga pagsilip ko sa simbahan, wala na akong nakitang tao. so dumiretso na ako. isa pa, mabigat din yung dala ko.
pagdating sa bahay, hilamos agad! wohoo! ang sarap ng totoong tubig! haha. dun kasi tubig-ulan at tubig-poso yung pangligo e.
nagpalit ako ng beddings ng kama, at humiga na. wohoo! ang sarap humiga sa kama ko. na-miss ko talaga yung kwarto ko kaya naman ang sarap ng tulog ko. :D
kaninang umaga, back to service na uli. :) at grabe naman talaga, ang lupit ng comeback ko. pano ba naman, kame lang ni tin ang kumanta sa mass. duet? hehe. ako lang, si tin, at si kuya rhed ang nagserve. ayos! humabol si kuya toto at elmar. salamat sa kanila.
at ang pinakalamalupit nito, may bago na naman akong assignment. pagdating ni mrs. salazar, nung nakita niya ako, sabi niya, "sweetheart, diba ikaw yung tiga-lifehomes? what's your name again? pwede bang ikaw na ang youth coordinator naten? write your name here please." sabay bigay ng notebook na may listahan ng bago atang mini-parish "officers" if i may say so. ayun. yun lang. galing no?! pinabalik talaga ako ni Lord agad kasi may naghihintay na trabaho sken? hehe. oh well, i take everything as a blessing. so blessing ang panibagong service na yun. and i thank God for it. :)
sa totoo lang, hanggang sa ngayon, wala pa akong natetext. maliban kay ate aike at ayhie na naunang nagtext sken. ewan, may jetlag pa ata ako. haha. para namang galing ako sa ibang bansa. hay. naiisip ko mga pinsan ko. at syempre si mama. nandun pa kasi siya. dapat nandun pa rin ako e. kaso nga lang kelangan ko ng bumalik dito. sad. pero happy na rin.
sa mga susunod na araw, mag-isa lang ako dito. sa gabi ko lang makakasama si papa at si arnold na may mga trabaho. at sa mga panahong mag-isa akong kakain, i'll always remember what my cousin lester told me before i left, "manang, pag kakain ka na dun tapos mag-isa ka lang, tawag ka dito ha? para sabay-sabay tayong kakain."
waaaah. naiiyak na ako. hay. i miss them.
i love iloilo. i love cabatuan. i love tuy-an. but MANILA IS MY HOME here on earth. and i'm back home. :) salamat sa mga nag-welcome sa akin: ate diane, kuya toto, tin, kuya rhed, elmar, ate aike, ayhie, ate nheng, shezha. :)
by the way, to end this post, let me share these pictures. :D they were taken on the same spot but on different years. :D
see the difference? :D
yun lang. good evening manila! :) it's good to be home. :)
P.S. Congrats Manny! Ang galing mo! Grabe, 2 rounds lang ang tinagal ni Hatton.
i'm sorry, hindi ko kinayang hindi i-post. haha. read this from ruth's blog. loka talaga yung sis kong yun, after kong umiyak-iyak because of Susan Boyle, tawa naman ako to the max sa post na ito. at syempre, magcocomment din ako. :D
(yung nasa loob ng parentheses na comments ay galing kay ruth, yung comment ko, yung after ng '>>'. :D)
*letting go of a person you’ve just learned to love (ayun o!haaaaayyyyy…)
>>no comment. haha. :D
*reminiscing the good times you shared together (every moment, we shared together, is even better than the moments before…by westlife!)
>>and i miss you more whenever i think about you.. hehe.. moment of truth, fm static
*shielding your heart to love somebody (pwede ba yun? Kunsabagay…)
>>umm, pwede.
*trying to hide what you really feel (pambihira naman o! ako ba tinutukoy mo?)
>>haha. ikaw nga sis. :D
*trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes (O, hindi!!..sniff…)
>>ay hindi ako nakakarelate. i don't hide the tears e. i don't need to hide. hindi na kasi ako umiiyak. haha. (didn't i just say na naiyak ako kay Susan Boyle? hehe.)
*loving a person too much (naku, lahat ng sobra, masama…)
>>oh yeah. too much of something is bad enough. :)
*giving up someone you never thought of giving up (ayun o! may ganun talaga teh?)
>>oo. may ganun. :D
*having the right love at the wrong time (may ganun ba?malamang hindi yun right love)
>>parang somewhere down the road lang.. we had the right love at the wrong time.. :D
*taking the risk to fall in love again (masakit ba yun?hindi ako makarelate..echos!)
>>if i should love again, if i find someone new.. haha.. after Susan Boyle, Barry Manilow fever naman. :D
*hiding your relationship from someone else (ay, ang sakit nga naman yun…why hide it?)
>>oo nga, why hide it? kasi it's complicated? hehe.
*controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend (my goodness!namemersonal ka ba?ha?)
>>haha. pinepersonal ka ba sis? iniisip ko pa kung nakaka-relate ako. hehe. pero oo, sometimes, hindi ko masabi yung gusto kong sabihin o gawin yung gusto kong gawin kasi ayokong makasakit. at ang kapalit nun, ako ang nasasaktan. naninikip dibdib ko e. lalo na pag galit na ako tapos ayokong makapagsalita ng masakit kaya pipigilin ko yung galit ko. wala lang. ang haba ng comment ko. hehe.
*thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single thought of you (ouch..oo nga naman…tsk tsk!)
>>isa lang solusyon diyan, think happy thoughts. :D kaso may follow-up question, pano kung siya yung happy thought? hmm. e di think of happier thoughts. haha. pero kasi naman OA naman yung thinking of him/her every waking moment. kamusta naman yun? pwede naman siguro every after one hour. hehe. i told a joke. :D
*letting go, because every time you see the person, you only fall deeper (namumuro ka na ha…)
>>haha. sino bang gumawa nito? sunugin! hehe.
*holding back only to find out when it’s too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn’t let the feelings out (ang haba naman…nosebleed!sniff!)
>>onga, ano daw? haha. oo gets ko. hindi nga lang ako maka-relate. :p
*falling in love with someone you didn’t mean to fall in love with (awwww….)
>>masakit ba yun? isn't that a wonderful thing? diba pleasant surprise yun? that's what you call 'magic' or 'destiny'. hehe. yun nga lang, ibang usapan na yun kung sa may asawa ka na-inlove. hehe.
*finding the perfect boy/girl…with only one problem…he/she doesn’t love you the way you want him/her to (hmmm…familiar story ha..)
>>ay eto imposibleng mangyari. kasi walang perfect na tao. :p
*helping the one you love court your friend (kumusta, palagi na lang ganito!)
>>haha. hindi pa naman 'to nangyayari. and i wish hindi mangyari. hehe.
*seeing the one you love crying for someone else (ehem..no comment…)
>>naman. buti na lang hindi girl yung "someone else" na yun. lalaki pala. haha. joke lang. :D
*the waiting also hurts like hell (hmmm, not really, coz patience is a virtue…true love is worth waiting for!)
>>Amen to that Sis!
*having to hear…”I’ve met someone.”(ayus lang..na-meet lang naman nya eh!ha ha!)
>>haha. sino kayang nakaka-relate?! ehem. heelz? nababasa mo ba 'to? haha. "i've met someone. tapos yun, naging kame." wahaha. peace heelz! :D
*agreeing to his/her wish to “just be friends” (naku, may mas masakit pa dyan, I tell you…)
>>to this i can't relate. really. :D never pa akong sinabihan nun e. "i hope we can be even just friends" or "let's be friends" lang mga linyang narinig ko. :D
*asking his/her freedom back because “he’d/she’d be happier with him/her” (anu raw?he he!)
>>he always has his freedom. :D
*asking you to “forget that everything happened” and be “normal” friends again (hindi ako makarelate…sorry)
>>ako rin, can't relate. ay teka, nangyari na pala 'to. parang. hehe. tama ba tweet2? i remember si dan at si vincci pa yung kumausap sa akin tungkol dun. hehe. kasi naman, hindi dapat tumatalo ng kaibigan. :D
*hearing that you’re treated as a little bro/sis (eto na nga ba sinasabi ko eh…bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan, iyak na lang..he he!)
>>hay nako. kaya nga neutral ako sa concept ng pagiging "bunso" ko e. sometimes i love being called that way, pero at times, nakakalungkot na ewan din. or siguro may trauma pa rin ako sa word na yun. kasi naman, ikaw ba naman sabihan ng: "................................., bunso!" secret na lang kung ano yun. haha.
*sharing his/her future plans for the girl/boy with you (ang sakit nga naman no’n pare!)
>>most of my friends have done this, pero di naman ako na-hurt. happy pa nga ako for them e. pero yun nga lang, there's a part of me that wishes na sana may magsabi rin ng future plans niya for me. halimbawa, singing career, o di kaya opportunity to travel abroad, tsaka house and lot sa loyola grand villas. haha. ambisyosa. :D
*you stopped being friends because his gf/bf asked him/her to (ang saklap naman nun!friends na nga lang eh…)
>>waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! nakaka-relate ako! huhu. soul sis, i miss you na talaga! hay. pero di naman talaga natapos ang friendship naten diba? syempre, takas-takas pa rin. haha. hay nako. bakit ba kasi may mga over-selosong boypren (at sige na nga, girlpren na rin. hehe.)?
*being denied in front of people (I hope this won’t happen to me…)
>>denied? nakaka-relate din ata ako. haha. diba soul sis?
*telling you lies where he’d/she’d been when actually, he/she was with a new friend or an old flame (ang bad naman nun…)
>>ehem. at isa pang ehem. ayoko ng alalahanin. haha. :D
*he/she told you he’d/she’d be leaving you to return to his/her ex (the one she left for you) (anu ba yan, paiba iba ng isip…labo mo teh!)
>>ay parang hindi 'to mangyayari. AT HINDI 'TO MANGYAYARI. kasi yung next, will be my last. so wala na siyang babalikan pa. hehe. that's the spirit. :D never stop hoping and praying aiza. :D
*breaking someone’s heart (hala…parang guilty ako dito?)
>>this is so true. ganun daw talaga pag mabait e. hehe. pero seryoso, kung may konsensiya kang tao, masasaktan ka rin pag nakasakit ka ng iba.
*fighting for that one thing that would make you happy that is, holding on to a person who can not guarantee you his/her commitment unless he/she fixes himself/herself…then, you are left hanging for the moment..then he/she says, time will tell…ang labo lang nya…but you still decided to hope in him/her and trust him/her (hay, buhay…)
>>ang haba, nakakatamad basahin. haha. basta eto na lang, i don't wanna fight no more, i forgot what we were fighting for.. hehe.. westlife fever naman. :D
*pretending you’re okay when inside you’re dying (namumuro ka na ha!kanina ka pa!)
>>haha. easy lang sis. :D kantahin na lang natin yung kanta ng MCR.. i'm not okay.. hehe. ay eto better song, from McFly, aahhhhhhhhhhhh.. i'll be okay. :D
*pretending to be strong. and recognizing your weakness (oh, yes!i’m a great pretender!har har!)
>>haha. why must we all conceal, what we think, how we feel.. reflection, christina a. :D wag na kasi mag-pretend, just be strong, really strong. :) ay pero may naalala rin pala ako. sabi ni Father Babes dati sa homily niya, "sometimes, you have to fake it to make it real", so hindi rin talaga masama mag-pretend paminsan-minsan. :D
*lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have (ha ha!parang westlife days lang ah!Mark feehily?)
>>haha. oo nga. ako naman kay shane. at syempre umiyak pa talaga ako nung nalaman kong nag-asawa na siya. haha. ganun ako kabaliw sa westlife dati. :D
*being with someone you can’t actually love (ok!)
>>oo nga. ok na lang din. wala akong masabi. can't relate e.
*pretending you don’t love a person whom you actually love (tsk!tsk!no comment)
>>ay naalala ko tuloy yung My Bestfriend's Girlfriend na movie. napanood ko lang sa GMA. sabi ni Maria dun, "akala ko dati mahirap magpanggap na mahal kita. mas mahirap palang magpanggap na hindi kita mahal".haha. o diba, kabisado ko pa. :D in fairness to me, paidlip-idlip pa ako habang nanonood nun. :D
*being in love (korek!pero pag kay Lord, everything’s alright!)
>>yes, love hurts. but sometimes it's a good hurt. :D (love hurts, incubus)
*letting go even if you really don’t want to…having no right to say you’re hurting because it was your decision (may tama ka!hu hu!)
>>oo na. hehe.
*seeing the person you love hurt because of you and not being able to help that person (hmmm..pwede…)
>>umm, oo. sobrang sakit talaga. last year, nung nagkasakit ako, mas nahirapan at nasaktan akong makitang nahihirapan sina mama. kaso wala akong magawa. :( pero buti na lang tapos yung period na yun. healthy na ako. praise God. :)
*having the courage to say ‘i love you’ to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he/she doesn’t treat you with the same closeness as before (naku, korek..kaya ako, discreet pa rin…para hindi ganun kasakit..tama di ba?)
>>eto naman parang maniwala ka sana ng parokya.. "ngayon ako'y nagsisisi kung bakit ako nag "i love you"!!! kasi di na tayo tulad ng dati" :D
*having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely destroying the wall that you have set for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable (ang sakit naman nun…)
*waaaaaaaaaah. taylor swift naman. teardrops on my guitar. the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart. tsaka yung konstantine ng something corporate. they'll never hurt you like i do.
*admitting that you love someone despite his/her imperfections (well, that’s acceptance..that’s normal naman)
>>oo nga, normal 'to. love is a decision nga diba? and when you love, you love the person, kasama na dun yung imperfections niya.
*finding out that the more you try to hate him/her, the more you end up loving him/her, perhaps even more than before (wow!the more you hate the more you love ba ang banat teh?)
>>ayun o! can't stop the hurt inside when love and hate collide. :D
*realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break up (I can’t relate)
>>ay sorry na lang, hindi rin ako nakaka-relate. hindi ako ang may kasalanan. haha. hugas-kamay. :D pero totoo lang naman kasi.
*the thought that this guy/girl, used to really love you and you loved him/her as well kaso you didn’t give enough…he/she gave up on you na (ay, kasalanan mo yun teh!)
>>e ang kaso you already did your best, but your best wasn't good enough. haha. just once? james ingram? hehe. kantahan na lang kasi tayo. :D
*sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else (it’s stupidity!)
>>korek. kung sa'yo, sa'yo. kung kanya, kanya. :D
*making a promise and realizing that when the time has come for that promise to be delivered…the commitment is no longer there (how I wish, hindi mangyari sa akin ito..pero parang papunta na dun..)
>>ano raw? hehe. no comment na lang. baka mali intindi ko e. :D
*the hardest thing about love—believing it exists (it depends..)
>>ay hindi naman. God exists. and God is love. so kahit wala ka pang "lovelife", you still have God. and that is more than enough. kasi only He can love us unconditionally and eternally. :)
*after you’ve been hurt….learning to forgive….learning to trust and love again (ayus lang..that’s life eh!)
>>tanungin niyo ako ng comment ko. hehe.
*seeing your partner battle with death! (my goodness!knocks on wood!)
>>that's something i don't think i can bear.
*but the hardest thing really is learning to love yourself ~ we always forget to do this (korek…now I’m thinking of a particular person…)
>>learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. :)
"At ito naman ang dagdag ko…
***It really hurts pag naging panakip-butas ka lang!!!! yung tipong ginamit ka lang kasi hindi pa sya makapag-move on… palipas oras, in other words…and suddenly that person will dump you just like that! (tamaan na ang dapat tamaan!—bitter?ha ha!)
But despite these things, cheer up! Because we’re counting on God!
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18"
si ruth pa rin nagsulat nung quoted part. nililinaw ko lang. hehe. eto yung sken, "what good is love when it keeps on hurting me.. i guess love would be nice for someone else's life.." hehe. joke lang. bigla ko lang naalala yung song ni Stacie Orrico (nasan na nga ba siya?) na "I'm Not Missing You" :D
seriously, pain is good. it keeps us alive. so don't be afraid of getting hurt. gaya nga ng lagi kong sinasabi, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". kaya be thankful for the heartbreaks and heartaches. part yan ng process of growing up and becoming a better you. just make sure you learn your lessons.
eto yung naisip kong bagay na ending sa post na ito. naalala ko lang yung song: you've made me stronger by breaking my heart, you ended my life and made a better one start. you've taught me everything from falling in love to letting go of a lie. yes you've made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye". :D
pagpasensiyahan niyo na kung puro kanta. e kasi naman singer nga ako diba? hehe. anong petsa na pala. masyado naman akong naaliw sa post na ito. westlife sis ruthie, thanks for this. :) stress-reliever. :D
o siya, tulog na ako. good morning people. :) yan ang epekto ng naiiwang mag-isa sa bahay nang matagal. walang ibang kausap, walang kasama. kung ano-ano tuloy nababasa ko. hehe. pero good thing din naman. kahit pano nakapag-reflect ako. seryoso yun. :)
after two long years, nakabalik uli ako sa dagat! and yes, i super missed it!
out of town trips have always been an escape for me, escape from the chaotic city, escape from tons of work i need to do, and most of all, escape from people (who, most of the time, hurt me with the things they do and say and the things they DON'T do and DON'T say).
yesterday, i had that much awaited "break" (sabi ni ate aike, i deserve it daw, do i really?) dahil hindi naman payag ang family ko na hindi ako sumama sa company outing nina papa. oo nga naman, noon lang kasi uli kame makakapag-bond as a family. at maganda pa yung lugar (Nasugbu, Batangas) kaya hindi na ako nakatanggi pang sumama. 
walang tulog. (assembly rin kasi the other night - friday). sa biyahe na lang ako nagnakaw ng tulog. pero pagdating ng tagaytay, gising na gising na uli ako. bukod sa napakalamig, ayoko ring pumikit kasi gusto kong makita yung napakagandang scenery. country girl talaga kasi ako. kaya naman super enjoy ako sa mga nakikita kong taniman ng pinya, palayan, bundok, ilog, mga bahay, at kung ano-ano pa na sa probinsya ko lang nakikita. habang nasa byahe, bigla kong naisip, "I WILL LIVE HERE." hindi talaga "I WANT TO LIVE HERE", "I WILL" kasi someday, magkakaroon talaga ako ng bahay sa tagaytay. haha. ambisyosa no? hehe. bakit ba, sabi nga, DREAM BIG. wala namang imposible e. :D
pagdating namin sa venue, ang sarap sa pakiramdam. very therapeutic ang dagat. hay. 2 years din akong hindi nakapunta sa beach. puro pool lang. at ang huling dagat na napuntahan ko e sa Batangas din, sa Lemery naman (kasama ang SFC chapter ko, after ng Lord's Day ng batch nina Cat. at yun yung time na muntik na akong malunod. haha. tandang-tanda ko pa. at hindi ko makakalimutan yun!).
picture. kain. langoy. picture. kain uli. ligo. TULOG. around 7am kami dumating sa beach. by 830, tulog na kame ni arnold. at nagising kame, 12nn na, lunch na. after nun, tulog uli. hindi obvious na puyat kame no? hehe. naenjoy naman namin ang dagat kaya sulit din naman. :)
at dahil medyo nakabawi na kame ng tulog, sa daan pauwi, todo abang na kame sa mga tanawin. todo picture. kahit ano na lang makita sa daan. hehe. paglampas ng tagaytay, tulog na uli. :D
masaya kasi nakasama ko ang family ko. malungkot kasi, parang may kulang. o baka nga hindi kulang, baka sobra. sobrang daming iniisip na gagawin, sobrang daming responsibilities. pero hindi yun burden for me, i'm too blessed to be stressed. :)
at dahil somehow nagiging time for reflection ko rin ang mga byahe, may nagawa akong nonsense na senting ewan habang nasa bus pabalik ng manila. ano yun? eto:
true enough, Jesus cannot open the door of our hearts. all He can do is knock. He has done His part, it's time for us to do ours. let's open the door of our hearts and our lives, and let Him in. 
