lessons on love, life, and other things.. [huling hirit sa 2007]

here are some 'pahabol' lessons before the start of another year..

~There is no such thing as 'compatibility'. You have to work things out. It takes two to tango. Communicate. Listen. [Father Babes Amper's Homily]

~The darkest time of the day is the minute before sunrise. So when you feel that you're at the darkest moment of your life, remember that sunrise is just a minute away. ^_^

~Doubting is correct, but doubting everything is not. [Mao Tse Tung - courtesy of binoy]

~The most humbling statement we can say is, "I AM NOTHING WITHOUT GOD", and our most powerful statement is, "WITH GOD, I CAN DO ANYTHING."

~The winner says, "it may be difficult, but it is possible." The loser says, "it may be possible, but it is difficult."

again, happy 2008 everyone! be blessed and be a blessing! ^_^

lessons from the year that was..

before 2007 ends, i would like to remember the lessons that i learned.. i'll be throwing everything away.. diaries, planners, notes, everything.. but before i do that, let me share what i have written in my planner.. dun kasi sa planner ko, may space where i can write the best advice that i got for that month.. tapos meron ding simple words of wisdom printed on the cover of the planner.. at yun po ang gusto kong i-share.. ^_^

this month's best advice:

JANUARY -> Love the heart that hurts you but never hurt the heart that loves you.

FEBRUARY -> Love like you've never been hurt. [I've done this. I DID!]

MARCH -> Keep your optimism. After all, no one has ever damaged his eyesight by looking at the brighter side of life.

APRIL -> There are only four words that sound so much better than "i love you" and those are "i'm here to stay." [This is one of my favorites.]

MAY -> Don't hold on for too long to what is never meant to be. Sometimes we need to set things free before it hurts us badly. [enough said.]
-> I've heard it's possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who's done it. We're all like children - we throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we cry in our rooms when the pain gets too tough, we yearn for innocence when life throws us reality, and like children, we hope and just never stop hoping.

JUNE -> An arrow can be shot only by dragging it back. So when life is dragging us back with difficulties, it means it's going to launch us into victory.

JULY -> We are not supposed to always understand why certain things happen. We don't have to always know the reasons why God allows some things to take place. All that is asked from us is to trust Him completely and let Him be in control. God will never fail us. Not now. Not ever!

AUGUST -> Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.
-> The Bible says, "God will never give you a burden you can't bear." So when you have a problem and you think its impossible to fix, take it as a compliment, God knows you can!

SEPTEMBER -> God will never leave you empty. He will replace everything you lost. If He asks you to put something down, its because He wants you to pick up something big.

OCTOBER -> Failure is always a part of success. Never give up! Everything will turn out right in God's time.

NOVEMBER -> The Lord is merciful and will not reject us forever. He may bring us sorrow but His love for us is sure and strong. [Lamentations 3:31-32]

DECEMBER -> You have to leave certain things behind in order for you to grow. [DJ Marco, Mellow 94.7 sobrang sakto!]

here's more.. =)

*Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. -Brooks Atkinson

*The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. -Anonymous

*First, keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others. -Thomas a Kempis

*Be ready when opportunity comes. Luck is the time when preparation and opportunity meet. -R.D. Chapin Jr.

*The greatness of a man can be measured in his willingness to be kind.

*You are bigger than the things that annoy you.

*Commit to love because it is RIGHT not because it FEELS good.

*Courage is the mastery of fear, not the absence of fear. -Mark Twain

*Growth is the only evidence of life. -J.H. Newman

*No one is more cherished in this world than someone who lightens the burden of another.

*Every man dies. Not every man truly lives. -Braveheart

*Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. -Erica Jong [kaya nga hindi na ako humihingi ng advice e.. hehe..]

*Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. -Churchill

*There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle. -Albert Einstein

*Without the rain, there can be no rainbow.

*The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the buts you use today. -Les Brown

*If you wish success in life, make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother and hope your guardian genius. -Joseph Addison

*I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about? -Henry Ford

*Give God what is right not what is left.

*The first duty of love is to listen. -Paul Tillich

*You will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it. -Charles Buxton

*Be the best of whoever you are.

*No one is in control of your happiness but you.

*No one's head aches when he is comforting another. -Indian Proverb

*Plan ahead: it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

*Promise only what you can deliver. Deliver more than you promise.

*A certain amount of opposition is of great help to a man. Kites rise against, not with the wind. -John Neal

*The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself.

*Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. It's what sunflowers do. -Helen Keller

*Change your thoughts and you change your world. -Norman Vincent Peale

*Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before. -James Buckham

*The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts. -John Locke

*What we see depends mainly on what we look for. -John Lubbock

*Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. -Elizabeth Bibesco

*Well done is better than well said.

*The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything. -Theodore Roosevelt

*Stay committed to your decisions but stay flexible to your approach. -Tony Robbins

*One single grateful thought raised to heaven is the most perfect prayer. -G. E. Lessing

*Things are beautiful if you love them. -Jean Anouilh

*Joy is not in things, it is in us. -Richard Wagner

*I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. -Arthur Rubinstein

*Let go and let God.

the year that was..

2007 is almost ever.. and yes, i'm thankful that it will be over.. finally.. sobrang daming nangyari.. may maganda, pero mas maraming hindi.. at ayoko ng alalahanin pa.. hehe.. ang importante, sa lahat ng yun, may mga natutunan ako.. i'll forget the bad memories but not the lessons.. ^_^

at sa pagtatapos ng taon, marami akong dapat pasalamatan.. and i'll use this opportunity to thank the people who stayed with me through the good and the bad times.. kayo ang dahilan kung bakit naging makabuluhan ang 2007 sken.. marami talagang hindi magandang nangyari, but without you guys, hindi ako sigurado kung makaka-survive ako.. salamat dahil nandiyan kayo..

sa family ko.. mama, papa, arnold.. maraming salamat sa suporta.. truly you are the wind beneath my wings.. i love you next to God! we are not a perfect family, but we are the best!

tweet2.. mars, alpha, leyn, chai, dan, binoy.. i can't thank you enough.. hindi ko ma-imagine college life ko without you guys.. you're the best things in up.. sobrang mahal ko kayo.. alam ko walang iwanan.. and i commit to you guys, i'll be with you for life..

westlife sisters.. grabe, ang saya ng pasko dahil kasama ko kayo.. sobrang nakakamiss yung high school days natin.. pero i'm thankful na hindi nasira ng panahon at distansya ang pagkakaibigan natin.. solid sisters for life! i love you girls!

bez, nap, jeff, john, analyn, rey, osang, crix, ferdinand, paul, jobert, irene, sis rona, at sa lahat ng classmates ko mula elem hanggang high school.. pati batchmates na nakakausap ko pa hanggang ngayon.. salamat sa hindi paglimot.. keep in touch.. mahal ko kayo..

dj, jenny, jen, jay-em, ken, joebet, salamat sa walang sawang pagtulong, pagreply sa mga txt ko, pagsagot sa mga tanong, at pagsama sken sa CS.. if not for you guys, malamang nag-shift na talaga ako.. thanks for pushing me to go on..

friends, acquaintances, at sa lahat ng nakilala/nakasama ko.. thank you! =)

at higit sa lahat, sa buong SFC community lalo na sa Rosario at Kabisig Chapters.. maraming maraming salamat..

ate leah, salamat po sa lahat ng talks.. sobrang na-bless mo po ako..

kuya pip, ate jing, kuya don, salamat sa tiwala.. sa suporta.. at sa lahat..

daddy at mommy, thank you sobra for treating me as your bebe.. i wish you all the best.. flower girl ako ha? hehe..

sa mga anak ko, melai at velle.. ano pa bang sasabihin ko? you're my angels.. i love you girls.. dito lang si mommy ha? i'm just a text away..

cris & alvin of Taytay Chapter, thanks guys! thanks for being nice to me..

sidh, my everdearest batchmate, salamat salamat salamat.. alam mo na yun.. don't worry dear, mas mag-iisip na ako.. ^_^

kuya rhed, thank you sa suporta.. tayo daw uli partner next CLP ah.. hindi nga lang sa music min, reg naman daw.. galingan natin ha? dapat best committee uli tayo.. hehe..

jat, salamat sa lahat.. lalo na sa *wawit*.. ^_^

sa mga bago, lalo na kina patrick, bj, jean, jb, agnes, sheryl, karen, at carl, salamat din.. welcome to the family. =)

sa mga nakalimutan kong banggitin, basta salamat..

ang post na ito ay para sa inyo lang talaga.. salamat sa pagiging bahagi ng 2007 ko.. 'til 2008! ^_^

-aiza/unai-

some thoughts..

"why do most people seem to fall for their friend at one point or another?
its because we see a great person.. someone who knows us inside and out, someone who's been there when we were down, someone who knows what makes us laugh and what makes us cry, someone who cares. we see the perfect someone in our friend, but what we don't see is that as soon as we take that next step, they will turn into someone we never knew at all.. pathetic truth.."

is it? i don't think so.. i believe this is what happens: we create an image of our ideal man/woman and we expect our special someone to be exactly what we want. tapos pag hindi nya na-meet yung expectations natin, we get disappointed.. tapos iiwan natin siya without realizing na hindi naman niya kasalanan na hindi siya gaya ng iniisip natin.. diba?

hay.. enough na.. tapos na ako sa mga ganyang usapan.. hehe..

nanood nga pala kame nina mama ng 'The Punisher' and here are some of the best lines from the movie..

"Ignorance is no excuse." - Mr. Saint

"Vaya con Dios. [Go with God]" - Candelaria

"Upset? Is that the word? I used to get upset when I had a flat tire. I used to get upset when a plane was delayed. I used to get upset when the Yankees won the series. So if that's what 'upset' means, then how do I feel now? If you know the word, tell me.. because I don't." - Frank Castle/The Punisher

"Don't let your memories kill you." - Joanne

"I know what it's like to try and make your memories go away. You can make new memories, good ones. Good memories can save your life." - Joanne

"I leave this as a declaration of intent so no one will be confused. Number One: Sic vis pacem para bellum. If you want peace, prepare for war. Number Two: Frank Castle is dead. He died with his family. Number Three: In certain extreme situations, the law is inadequate. In order to shame its inadequacy, it is necessary to act outside the law, to pursue natural justice. This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No, not vengeance.. punishment!" - Frank Castle/The Punisher

"Those who do evil to others - the killers, the rapists, psychos, sadists, you will come to know me well. Frank Castle is dead. Call me.. The Punisher!" - The Punisher

no time? well, i have.. =)

i attended a recollection this evening and i was enlightened, comforted, and liberated.. the speaker was father mario, one of my favorite priests..

when i saw him stepped in, i wasn't able to contain my excitement that i had to text peter about it.. and his reply was 'ok. happy for you.'

oh yes, i AM happy, although i was alone there [walang pumunta sa mga niyaya ko, therefore wala akong ibang kausap dun.. mga tanders pa karamihan ng attendees.. oh well, i've done my part already.. it's not my loss, anyway..]

and because i've been SO BLESSED, i can't help but share it with you guys.. hindi kaya sa txt lang eh.. kaya i decided to post it here.. please bear with me, medyo mahaba na naman ito.. as usual.. pero sana kahit pa'no may mapulot naman kayo..

i'll try to give justice to father mario's talk.. i hope that at the end of this post, may makuha naman kayo, kahit konti.. may you be blessed in the same way that i've been blessed..

of course iba pa rin yung first-hand experience, but i'll try my best na maiparamdam sa inyo yung naramdaman ko. ^^

ok, enough of the long intro.. let's get started..

let me begin with this poem.. [as father mario did]

***NO TIME***

I knelt to pray but not too long
I had too much to do
Must hurry off and get to work
For the bills would soon be due

And so I said a hurried prayer
Jumped up from off my knees
My Christian duty now is done
My soul could be at ease

And through the day
I had no time to speak a word of cheer
No time to speak of Chist to friends
They'd laugh at me I feared

No time, no time - too much to do
That was my constant cry
No time to give to those in need
Till at last it was time to die

And when before the Lord I came
I stood with downcast eyes
Within His hand he held a book
It was the Book of Life
He looked into the Book of Life and said,
"Your name, I cannot find
I once was going to wtite it down
But never found the time."

***END***

i believe there's no need for me to explain what the poem was all about. it's simple, straightforward, and easy to understand. just a quick note from father mario: we, people, often consider prayer as a spare tire which we use in replace of a flat tire or in other words, "in case of emergency." what we do not realize is that prayer should be the steering wheel that will guide and direct us in our journey.

Christianity is a relationship.. and therefore, it must be nourished.. how? through a regular prayer time and service.. let's think of God as our partner.. how do we show Him our love? one way is to spend time with Him.. and that is through prayer and meditation/reflection.. prayer is our time to speak to God, meditation/reflection is God's time to speak to us..

two-way dapat ang communication, just like in any other relationship.. you have the right to speak, but you also have the responsibility to listen.. yan ang karaniwang nagiging problema sa isang relasyon.. gusto ng isa siya lang ang magsasalita.. unfair naman yun.. dapat matuto ka ring makinig.. hindi lang ikaw ang may bibig.. at isa pa, di ba nga we have one mouth and two ears? do the logic. =)

after we realize that Christianity is a relationship, the next thing to prepare for is death.. the life eternal.. parang ang bilis ba? hindi naman.. read on para maintindihan nyo.. ^_^

think of this: "unless you have accepted the fact that one day you will die, you will not truly live"

i'm sure most of you are familiar with this: "our citizenship is in heaven" - its written in the Bible and in Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life..

so what about it? ano naman kung mamamatay tayo? umm.. wala naman.. it's this simple.. "the essence of living is in dying.."

all throughout our lives, we are continuously blessed.. the very fact that we exist is already a blessing.. and this is reality: "after you have been blessed, God expects you to be a blessing to others." i remembered a text message i once received.. it was about a man complaining to God of the miseries of the world.. and he even questioned God's power ("if you are indeed God, how come you are not doing anything?").. this was God's reply: "I did something. I sent you. Be a blessing."

as what father mario has said: "what others have become because of you is more important than what you have become."

God knows when to send people where the need is urgent.. kaya when you find yourself in a situation you don't expect or you're not ready to face, be steadfast.. God placed you there for a reason.. you must therefore use that as an opportunity to be a blessing.. Act. Do something.

hindi mahalaga kung gaano katagal ka nabuhay sa mundo, ang mas mahalaga, kung paano ka nabuhay..

tanong ni father: "nasaan ang kaligayahan mo?"

sabi ni Richard Wagner, "Joy is not in things, it is in us."

and yes, i agree to that.. happiness comes from within.. and for me, it comes from loving..

hay.. love na naman.. don't worry people, i'm not talking about romantic love here.. what i mean is Christian love.. ^_^

another thought: "you can be a giver without being a lover, but you cannot be a lover without being a giver." and based on that, i can proudly say that i am a lover, not just a giver.. [may kokontra ba? sapak gusto niyo? hehe.. nanakot talaga ako di ba? hindi naman.. nagbabanta lang.. LOL..]

the following statements are self-explanatory.. hindi na rin pinaliwanag sa amin ni father mario.. pero i swear, may malalim na wisdom yung bawat statement.. kayo na bahala magdiscover.. =)

here they go..

*we can get so involved with WHAT we are doing that we forget WHY we are doing it.
we can get so involved with plain existing that we forget the purpose of living.
we can get so involved with the things that money can buy that we forget the things that money cannot buy.. [and what are the things that money cannot buy? house but not a home, books but not knowledge, medicine but not health, pleasure but not happiness..think about that..]

*one of the greatest tragedies that can befall a man is to feel so at home in this world that he forgets that his real and permanent home is in the next.

*strange how we can be preoccupied with a life we can't hold on to and neglect an eternity we can't run away from.

*contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want but the realization of what you already have. count your blessings..count them slow.

*if there is anything better than sharing with others the best of what you have, it is sharing with them the best of who you are.
>>just be yourself. you don't have to be a superhero to make a difference. just do something.

*when you share your life with others, life begins to find its meaning. the time you share your life with others is the moment you truly live.

[this following truth is almost always taken for granted. but this is important.. something to really think about..]
*GOD WILL CONDEMN US NOT ONLY FOR THE EVIL WE HAVE DONE, BUT MORE SO FOR THE GOOD WE DID NOT DO.*

Mother Teresa of Calcutta once said: "we ourselves sometimes feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. but if we do not do what we are doing, the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." [simple but sensible]

as a conclusion, eto lang yung major point ng buong recollection.. live life to the fullest.. live for God's glory.. bless and touch the lives of others.. be a living testimony of God's love and goodness.. leave a legacy.. live life in such a way that when you die, people will be able to say this: "God permitted us to meet. I don't know why. But this I will tell you, you are one of the reasons why i continue to believe God is a good God."

my sharing ends here folks.. i hope you all gained something from this post.. just as i did..

i was blessed.. and i'm sharing that blessing to you.. if you too were blessed, go and bless others as well.. ^_^

YOUR HEART TODAY [this is my song and my prayer]

Where there is fear I can allay, where there is pain I can heal,

Where there are wounds I can bind, and hunger I can fill.

Lord, grant me courage, Lord, grant me strength,

Grant me compassion that I may be Your heart today.

Where there is hate I can confront, where there are yokes I can release,

Where there are captives I can free, and anger I can appease.

Lord, grant me courage, Lord, grant me strength,

Grant me compassion that I may be Your heart today.

When comes the day I dread to see our broken world,

Compel me from my cell grown cold that Your people I may behold.

Where there is fear I can allay, where there is pain I can heal,

Where there are wounds I can bind, and hunger I can fill.

Lord, grant me courage, Lord, grant me strength,

Grant me compassion that I may be Your heart today.

And when I’ve done all that I could,

Yet there are hearts I cannot move,

Lord, give me hope… that I may be Your heart today.

i'm mean because you're stupid.. [farewell to my dark side]

..that's the statement boldly printed on a shirt i saw yesterday at american boulevard..

and the only word that i was able to utter upon seeing it was "nice"..

so what's with it? why did i choose it to be the title of this long post? for one, i believe that the statement makes sense.. at isa pa, nakaka-relate ako.. somehow..

as i look back sa lahat ng nangyayari sa life ko lately, i have but one realization: this is not me! this is not the life that i want..

everything is a mess.. nothing seems right, in fact, nothing IS right.

in as much as i want to put the blame on other people, i can't help but be guilty of everything.. this is my life.. and it is my decision to live it this way.. and i definitely made a very wrong decision..

i thought i was doing the right thing.. i thought it was the best, most healthy move for me.. pero hindi pala.. habang tumatagal ako sa pagiging ganito, nagiging malinaw din sa akin ang lahat.. sinisira ko lang ang sarili ko.. pinapatay ko kung sino talaga ako..

siguro nga yun din naman kasi ang gusto ko, patayin yung dating ako.. kalimutan lahat.. magsimula uli.. but then again, everything is easier said than done..

all this time, loser pa rin pala ako..

i'm killing myself sa sobrang pagka-busy ko sa iba't ibang bagay.. school, work, service, etc..
i barely have enough time to sleep or rest or even eat.. i'm always on the go..

bilib nga ako sa sarili ko kasi kahit na lagi akong nagpapaulan, hindi ako nagkakasakit.. kahit na maubos ko ang isang tumbler na red horse, hindi man lang ako nahihilo.. wala lang.. numb lang ako plus some rashes sa likod.. pero other than those, sobrang ok ako.. kaya ko pang gumala sa mall, mag-movie marathon, magpuyat, etc.. i had minor ulcer attacks pero nadadaan naman sa gamot.. i lost weight but i'm still healthy.. galing di ba? akala ko maganda yun.. akala ko that made me better than anyone else.. pero isang malaking sampal sken yung sinabi niya.. "bahala ka nga sa buhay mo, pakamatay ka kung gusto mo.. uminom ka na naman? nakaka-TO ha?!"

ouch. that really hurts like hell..

and then i began to question: do i really wanna die? ano nga bang ginagawa ko sa buhay ko?
gusto ko ba 'to?

and the answers came..

no. hindi ito ang gusto mo.. hindi rin ikaw yan.. ginagawa mo lang lahat yan para tumakas.. para makalimot.. pero hindi mo gusto yan.. pinili mong gawin ang mga bagay na yan para ipakita sa kanila na hindi na ikaw yung mahina at iyaking unaiza.. ginagawa mo yan para patunayan na kaya mo ring sumabay sa agos.. nasaktan ka kasi nang sobra kaya gusto mong ipakita na hindi ka papatalo.. marunong ka rin lumaban.. hindi ka loser.. pwede ka ring maging bad.. gaya ng karamihan..

damn.

bakit nga ba ito ang pinili ko? this is not right.

i miss my old self.. i miss being gentle, being modest, being kind..

ni hindi ko man lang masabi ang salitang 'i love you' ngayon.. kahit sa pamilya ko.. hindi na ako masaya sa buhay na meron ako ngayon.. i wish i could go back to the time when the only people that mattered to me are my parents, my brother, my closest friends, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and my Lolos and Lolas.. pero syempre hindi na posible yun..

so anong gagawin ko ngayon?

i want a total make-over in my life..

aayusin ko lahat ng dapat ayusin.. tama na ang kahibangang ito.. i've been bad and i didn't like it.. dahil hindi naman talaga ako masama..

hindi ko kelangang sumabay sa agos.. hindi naman ako ganun dati e.. at ayoko ng sumabay pa sa agos.. ayos lang maiwan basta alam kong tama ako..

sabi nga ni sir jim, this is the hardest principle, but this must be our principle: DO THE RIGHT THING.

naging rebelde ako sa sarili ko sa loob ng mahigit isang buwan.. eto ang naging escape ko.. pero tapos na yung stage na yun..

this time, i'm determined to be what God intends me to be..

parang paulit-ulit na yung posts ko.. parang nasabi ko na rin 'to dati..

pero iba na ngayon, because this is going to be the last time that i'll write about my miseries..

last saturday, we were asked to write down 3-7 principles that we want to live by.. and i've listed five..

1. Do the right thing.
2. God first.
3. Less for self, more for others.
4. Never let emotions get in the way.
5. Play to win.

mark this day. from this day on, i'm gonna live by those principles.

alam kong hindi ko na maibabalik yung dating ako.. pero kaya kong ayusin ang buhay ko.. and that's exactly what i'm going to do..

i'll put my heart back together.. i'm gonna pick the pieces of my life.. back to zero ako, start from scratch.. pero hindi naman imposibleng buuin uli ang sarili ko e.. kaya ko 'to.. go aiza! go and touch others' hearts..

this is my song.. and my prayer..

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire, my heart's one desire is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I want to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within and make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin deep within

everything happens for a reason..

i know i said that i'm not going to blog anymore.. well, let's just say that i was lying then.. writing has been my first love and i guess, truly, first love never dies..

i've been quiet for some time.. and despite the fact that a lot has been happening to me lately, i just couldn't find the motivation to write about them.. i didn't even manage to update my journal.. but today is different.. and today, God reminded me of one thing: the only thing i'm good at is writing and i have to make use of that talent to glorify Him and proclaim how mighty He is..

and today i'm gonna write again.. for today is the start of another chapter in the story of my life..

i woke up at 9 o'clock this morning. i have a class at 11:30 and i should be able to leave the house before 10:30. after saying my prayers and doing my morning rituals, i ate breakfast and took a bath.. i spent around 30 minutes at the table and another 30 minutes [more than, actually] at the shower.. in other words, i wasn't able to leave at the ideal time.. so i had to pay for all the passengers of the tricycle for us to be able to leave.. its already 11:00 and i couldn't wait for another 5 minutes or so.. the most exhausting part in a student's day is the travel time.. in my case, i had to take 1 tricycle ride, and 3 jeepney rides from our house to diliman.. at dahil late na ako, sumakay na lang ako ng toki para mas mabilis akong makarating sa building namin..

i arrived 11:45.. just in time [we have a 15-minute grace period].. and guess what, we don't have classes today.. and we won't have classes until Friday of next week.. Sir Mario won't be available during those days and our next meeting would be on the 4th of December.. great!

but instead of being happy, i ended up disappointed.. i wasted money and effort for nothing.. it was my only class.. what am i going to do? go home? already? had i known of the announcement at an earlier time, i would have stayed at home and concentrated on our thesis..

yeah, patience is a virtue.. and i guess, my patience is being put to test.. again.. we'll have our baptism on Saturday and yes, Satan is just around, tempting me to sin, wanting me to be unholy.. but i won't let him win.. not now.. not ever..

i decided to attend the mass at the UP chapel.. and yes, i felt a lot better.. i felt blessed..

on my way home, there have been temptations again.. testing my patience and endurance again.. believe me, i was already fed up.. konti na lang talaga sasabog na ako.. i was talking to God the whole time, 'please Lord, give me patience.. please..'

and then everything made sense..

i met ate janet [i hope i spelled her name correctly].. she was on the same jeep i was riding.. and we got off at the same place.. sa floodway..

she asked me kung saan ang sakayan ng cubao.. and obviously, mali ang binabaan niya.. nung una sabi ko lang sakay na lang siya uli ng jeep tapos baba siya sa rosario, but God whispered a better idea.. i suggested na sumabay na siya sa akin sa tricycle tapos sasamahan ko na lang siya sa sakayan ng cubao.. she took my offer and i was amazed to know that she is also a believer.. nakakatuwa kasi habang nasa tricycle kame, we were talking about God and what He has done in our lives.. super saglit lang kame nakapag-usap pero nagkaroon ng sense ang buong araw ko.. sa totoo lang, muntik na akong maiyak kanina habang nagkukwento ako sa kanya.. i've been so down lately and kahit na anong pretend ko na ok lang ako, at the end of the day, i still find myself crying.. just last night i cried out to God.. and i told Him how helpless and how depressed i am.. i have so many questions na hanggang ngayon hindi pa nasasagot.. and everyday, kay God lang ako kumukuha ng strength para magpatuloy.. and today, He gave me someone to talk to.. just when i need it most..

ate janet told me that i was her angel and that God will make a way para magkita kame uli..

she hugged me bago siya sumakay ng jeep and although she's technically a stranger, i felt comfort in her arms.. and i believe that my encounter with her was not just an accident.. it was planned by God.. and God has a reason..

habang naglalakad ako pauwi, i can't help but be grateful and for the first time today, i smiled sincerely.. yung ngiting galing talaga sa puso.. it wasn't just a fake smile to hide the pains inside me, i truly felt happiness.. eto siguro yung reward ko for being patient.. buti na lang hindi ako bumigay, hindi ako nagalit.. i remained silent and prayerful.. i didn't let Satan get in the way.. salamat na rin sa guidance ng Holy Spirit..

ate janet has been an angel to me also.. and the friendship that we already have is something i would treasure for the rest of my life.. i know i'll see her again.. in God's time..

why am i telling you about this? ano naman sa inyo kung nakilala ko si ate janet? well, gusto ko lang i-share yung realization ko about this event..

God moves in mysterious ways.. and He is always good.. He knows what's best for us.. and He has plans far better than what we have.. life has so many uncertainties.. marami tayong questions.. marami tayong hindi naiintindihan.. at minsan, masyadong nagiging komplikado ang lahat ng bagay kaya gugustuhin na lang nating sumuko..

sa ngayon, nasa gitna ako ng isang laban.. torn pa rin ako.. broken.. konti na lang kasi susuko na ako.. pero pinipilit ko pa ring lumaban.. everyday, challenge sa akin ang bumangon at magpatuloy.. pero ngayon, higit kailanman, napatunayan kong hindi pa rin natutulog ang Diyos.. at lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay natin, lahat ng nakikilala natin, they are there for a reason.. a reason that only God knows..

last Saturday, na-enlighten na ako sa lecture ni Sir Jim, at ngayon, dahil kay ate janet, mas determinado akong magpatuloy.. yes, i'm gonna play to win..

iiyak pa rin siguro ako kasi nandito pa rin yung sakit, masyadong malalim yung sugat para gumaling ng ganun kabilis lang.. but i know in time, in God's time, i will be healed.. i will be truly okay, and i will be better..

hello world uli! balik blogging na naman ako.. hindi siguro ganun kadalas pero magsusulat pa rin ako.. =)

God bless everyone!

Last note: PUSH! [Pray Until Something Happens]

confessions of a broken soul: the last post ever..

october has been the longest month of my life.. it may be hard to believe but i've experienced every emotion in this world in just thirty days.. its the longest and at the same time, the shortest thirty days of my entire existence. i have loved and lost, been happy and sad, laughed and cried, won and been deafeated, succeeded and failed, been there and done that.. i had everything and lost almost everything, if not everything.. in simple terms, I LIVED AND DIED IN THIRTY DAYS.

i don't want to go into details.. there's no need for me to explain everything because i know you won't understand either.. no one will ever be able to understand what i have gone through and am going through right now.. seriously, no one.

i would appreciate it if you would consider me dead, well at least the person that i was. honestly, i feel that i'm in someone else's body, playing somebody else's part. what i have experienced in just one month has turned me into someone i no longer know - a complete stranger.. and now, i'm in a search.. search for who i really am..

sa totoo lang, kilala ko naman ang sarili ko e..alam ko naman kung anong gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko at sa mga tao sa paligid ko.. kaya lang sa ngayon, may mga bagay na hindi ko maunawaan.. i have so many questions in my mind.. in fact, i have nothing but questions in my mind.. bakit ganito? bakit ganyan? sino? kelan? saan? paano? lahat na ng pwedeng itanong.. pero sabi nga, 'the answers will come the moment you stop asking'.. kaya hindi na ako magtatanong.. bahala na.. i'll just continue to believe that everything happens for a reason.. that reason may be unknown but i know someday everything will make perfect sense.. i don't want to question God's wisdom..

i don't know if i'm making sense here.. isa lang naman ang gusto kong mangyari, masabi lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sa mga taong mahalaga sken..

this is going to be my last post..sa lahat ng nagbasa ng blog ko, maraming salamat.. sa lahat ng nakaappreciate sken, sobrang thank you..

sabi nga ng kanta, 'i've got to move on and be who i am, i just don't belong here, i hope you understand.. for now, i gotta go my own way'

just last week, i told everyone [thru text] na bumalik na ako sa earth matapos ang aking paglalakbay sa ibang mundo.. unfortunately, or fortunately, i died while trying to come back to where i started..

siguro naguguluhan na kayo, ako rin eh.. hehe.. basta eto na lang isipin nyo, patay na yung dating unaiza.. wala na si unai/aiza..

the next time you see me, ibang tao na yun.. unaiza pa rin pero new & improved na.. parang produkto lang.. pangalan lang ang hindi nagbago pero yung buong pagkatao, iba na..

sa lahat ng taong nasaktan ko, sadya man o hindi, patawad.. sa totoo lang, kung nakasakit man ako, lahat yun hindi ko sinadya.. ayokong masaktan, kaya hindi ko rin ugaling manakit.. yun nga lang, minsan hindi talaga maiwasan.. kasi tao lang ako e.. hindi ako dyosa..

sa lahat ng kaibigan ko - tweet2, westlife sis, elem at highschool repapips, chikka co-interns, basta sa lahat, maraming salamat.. sorry hindi ako nakakapagparamdam.. i've been busy with so many things.. pinapatay ko na nga raw sarili ko sa sobrang dami kong ginagawa e.. pero makakabawi rin ako.. someday..

sa mga ate at kuya ko sa SFC, kasama na sina mommy, daddy, at sistah, at si batchmate sidh, thank you for accepting me, weak and fragile as i am.. i enjoy being with you guys at kahit ano pong mangyari, hindi pa rin ako mawawala sa service..

sa mga anak ko, melai & velle, thank you for never leaving me.. kahit na weak si mommy, nandyan pa rin kayo.. sobrang na-appreciate ko talaga yung presence nyo sa life ko.. girls, blessing kayo sken.. tama, sa pamilya natin, walang sumusuko.. don't wori babies, mommy will be strong.. nandyan kasi kyo.. salamat!

paolo, dreb, din, bez, at ray, super thank you for remembering.. salamat kasi kahit hindi na tayo nagkikita masyado, di pa rin kayo nakakalimot.. sobrang salamat..

jean and jb, thank you sa tiwala.. salamat sa pagturing nyo sken bilang ate nyo.. basta nandito lang ako if ever you need me.. i'm just a text away..

sa pamilya ko, i know marami akong naging pagkukulang sa inyo.. wala po akong maipapangako.. pero gagawin ko lahat para makatulong..

sa'yo, thank you for giving me the best birthday ever! salamat at sorry sa lahat..

again, this is my last post..

paalam na po sa inyo..

i may be weak, sensitive, and emotional.. pero dati yun..

pardon me, but i'll never be the same..

P.S.

just to let you know kung ano ng nangyayari sken, eto buhay naman ako.. at ngayon pa lang ako magpapahinga.. sabi nina papa pinapatay ko na raw sarili ko.. maawa naman daw ako sa katawan ko.. hehe.. sobrang busy kasi.. ilang araw na rin akong walang tulog.. nag-poll clerk pa ako sa dela paz kahapon.. sobrang nakakapagod.. pero ok naman.. ganun pala yun.. after ng election, sasakay kayo sa bagon dala yung ballot boxes.. tapos may escort na mobile ng pulis.. ang cool.. haha..

kidding aside, lahat ng ginagawa ko sa buhay ko ay bahagi ng pagbabago ko sa sarili ko.. siguro escape ko na rin 'to sa lahat ng problema.. i have to keep myself busy para hindi ko masyadong maisip yung mga nangyari..

ayoko ng pag-usapan pa.. at wag na rin sana kayong magtanong.. OK LANG AKO.

isang araw..

whew! what a day! mahaba pa ang araw at marami pang pwedeng mangyari.. pero at least i have one reason to be happy.. sa wakas nakasama ko uli sina dan at binoy.. grabe, sobrang na-miss ko yung mga mokong na yun.. hay.. buti na lang sumakto ang mga bakanteng oras namin kaya nakapagkita kame at nagkasabay pa maglunch [kasama si jenny]..

nga pala, nakakawindang ang umaga ko kanina.. i witnessed an accident and mind you, sobrang apektado talaga ako.. nabangga yung isang estudyante na pasahero ng jeep na sinasakyan ko.. pagbaba niya, tumawid siya agad.. hindi na siguro kinaya ng preno ng owner kaya tinamaan siya.. ang lakas ng impact kasi tumama yung ulo ng guy sa semento e.. talagang plakda siya.. at yung owner, napunta sa kabilang lane.. buti na lang walang kasalubong na sasakyan kaya walang ibang nadamay.. dala na rin siguro ng pag-iwas niya yun.. pero worried talaga ako sa estudyante.. buti na lang may mga dumating na kaminero para buhatin siya.. medyo comedy pa nga kasi sabi niya ok lang daw siya.. kaya pa raw niya pumasok.. halller?? hindi na nga siya halos makabangon e.. and that made me realize, pag tga-UP talaga, matapang.. kahit hindi na makalakad, pipiliin pa ring pumasok.. hay.. naalala ko tuloy yung interview ko dati sa enggsoc.. tinanong nila ako kung papasok pa rin daw ako kahit may sakit ako.. sagot ko oo hangga't kaya ko.. yan ang dugong peyups, di sumusuko.. haha.. parang nung isang araw ko lang sinabing suko na ako.. hay..

hanggang sa muli.. marami pa akong gustong idaldal pero masyadong personal e.. basta pasama na lang ako sa prayers niyo.. maraming salamat.. at don't worry, ayos lang ako.. stressed ako, oo pero nakakangiti pa rin.. God loves me and that is enough reason to keep me going..

God bless everyone! =)

deadliest deadline..

around two hours before the deadliest deadline

it's 9:50 already.. and i'm already desperate.. i texted my daughters.. i miss them already.. i wanted to text him, but how? wala syang phone.. and that made me even desperate..

i have to finish and submit the machine problem before midnight and as of this moment, i'm far from getting done.. i can't move on.. i have three subroutines and one main function, and i don't know what to do next.. this is crucial.. if i won't make it tonight, it's a sure fail.. and i'm torn.. one part of me says, 'give up! you have another semester', and another part says 'keep trying'.. ok, i'll try..

***********************************************************************************************
30 minutes before the deadliest deadline

11:30pm.. i'm still going nowhere.. suko na ba ako? sabi ng mga anak ko, wala raw sa lahi namin ang sumusuko.. yes, we're strong.. pero alam ko kung hanggang saan lang ang kaya ko.. and this time, hindi ko na ata kaya.. kahit anong pilit ko, mukhang wala na talaga akong magagawa.. and ayoko mang sabihin 'to pero suko na ako.. =(

i'm sure may good side din naman 'to.. i'll have more time to focus on my other subjects.. lalo na sa thesis.. hay.. cge lang aiza, convince yourself that you did the right thing.. believe that everything has a reason and that God has a better plan..

bago pala ako matulog at tumakas sa problemang 'to, gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa mga taong naniwalang kaya ko 'to.. kuya don, kuya tirso, melai, at velle.. pasensya na kung sumuko ako.. alam ko maiintindihan niyo.. salamat sa words of encouragement.. thanks for believing in me..

to jen, joebet, and dj, thanks for the help..

oo, suko na ako.. pero eto na ang huling pagkakataong susuko ako..

hindi ko lang talaga kinaya ngayon.. wala kasi akong lakas.. pa'no, paalam na muna..

punta muna ako sa mundong walang problema.. sa neverland.. kung saan lahat ng panaginip ko natutupad.. tulog muna ako.. [sa wakas, matutulog ako ng gabi pa..lagi na lang kasing madaling araw ang tulog ko e]

God bless everyone!

i'm fine..

"God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind. So when you don't understand, when you don't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand, trust His heart."

i received this message yesterday, just when i'm about to give up and break down.. let's just say that somehow, this message has saved me.. and i thank velle for sending me this message just when i needed it most..

how can i be totally broken again just when i thought i'm completely healed? why am i dying again? hell! don't i have the right to be happy forever? how long will i suffer? how long?


"..a God of faithfulness and without injustice, good and upright is He.." yan na lang ang paulit-ulit kong kinakanta sa isip ko.. just to convince myself that everything happens for a reason.. that God has a purpose and a better plan.. that after this storm, the sun will rise again and my days will be bright again..

sa ngayon, wala talaga akong naiintindihan.. i have nothing but questions in my mind.. mga tanong na hindi ko pa mahanapan ng sagot.. "why Lord?", that's all i can say.. pero kahit mahirap, although it's killing me, i'm willing to go through this pain.. wala naman kasi akong choice.. i can't escape.. i have nowhere to go.. nowhere to hide.. hindi ko mahanap yung 'mundo'namin.. wala rin siya para ilipad ako sa lugar ng pag-asa.. kaya ko ba 'to? err.. hay.. gusto kong sumigaw.. ayaw magbeat ng heart ko.. ang sakit sobra.. ang gulo..

i'm waiting.. and i'll be waiting.. hanggang sa matapos lahat ng 'to.. hanggang sa magising ako na ok na lahat.. sabi ng green day, 'wake me up when september ends'.. sabi ko naman, 'wake me up when this pain is over'.. i would like to think of this as a bad dream, a nightmare.. magigising din ako.. at sana paggising ko, nandito ka na, ok na lahat, masaya na uli, wala ng problema..

"when the oceans rise and thunders roar, i will soar with You above the storm.. Father You are King over the flood, i will be still, know You are God" [kuya don, salamat din dito]

I should be doing my problem set now but I can't help but share this rare experience.. I swear it's a good one.. =)

Our Chem professor told us to attend a lecture at the NISMED auditorium.. at first, we were kind of hesitant to go.. lecture? wouldn't that be boring? but we heard something that was just striking.. the keyword: Harvard Scientist of the Year awardee!

Curious of who and what kind of person he is, we headed to the venue and eagerly waited for the program to start.. and i'm telling you, it wasn't the usual lecture we thought it would be.. we had fun listening to the speaker, and more than that, we were inspired!

Dr. Baldomero "Toto" M. Olivera, BS Chemistry graduate, UP 1960.. 2007 Harvard Foundation Scientist of the Year.. need i say more?

He told us a very interesting story about the cone snail.. haven't heard of it yet? well, i suggest you start reading stuffs about it.. it's fascinating! =)

I won't repeat his lecture, neither would I enumerate the facts that I got from his talk.. but what I want to list down are the life lessons that I think are worthy to be mentioned..

Lesson 1: find out what you're interested in.. focus on and work for it.. it doesn't matter if it seems nonsense at first, just persist in it.. who knows where it might take you.. [dr. olivera never expected that he'll get this far with his studies on snails]

Lesson 2: a mentor does have a tremendous influence over a student.. a student's life could be forever changed by one word of encouragement or discouragement from his/her professor.. [dr. olivera's passion for the chemistry of marine species started with a motivation from his high school instructor, dolores hernandez.. and he has never failed to mention her over and over again throughout his lecture.. he owes her a lot.. really..]

Lesson 3: it's okay to make your own rules once is a while.. explore.. [one of dr. olivera's students in his laboratory did an experiment different from what they were asked to do.. amazingly, he came up with one good result which they used to develop the alternative drug for morphine, prialt..]

According to Dr. Olivera, part of his success was his good luck.. but I would like to believe that more than luck, what made him the man he is now, was his determination and persistence.. and it all started with an interest..

What did I gain from the lecture? Well, aside from the interesting facts about snails, I was inspired by his story.. and I came to this conclusion:

..success starts from an interest.. supported by at least one person who believes in you and motivates you to persist that interest.. and of course, hardwork..

It was such an honor to be able to hear a talk from a Harvard Foundation awardee.. and i never regret the fact that I sacrificed a major subject to finish it.. it was worth it! it's not everyday that I'll get to be inspired by not just a personality, but a star in his chosen field.. and I'm glad I didn't let that opportunity pass.. =)

i missed blogging.. when was my last post? may? i dunno.. i've been busy since classes started last june 13 and i rarely had time for the online stuffs.. but because we're required to post blog entries as part of our thesis, i'll take that opportunity to update my online journals..

for my first post for the month of july, i'd like to share some quotes i recently received from friends.. and i would like to have them categorized as follows:

on love..

*may mga bagay na nakalaan sa tao kahit anong mangyari.. pag para sayo talaga yun, makukuha mo.. kaya wag kang mag-alala kung mawala man siya.. di man kayo ngayon, baka nakalaan siya sayo sa tamang panahon*
>>pwede rin namang may ibang nakalaan sken diba? i'll just wait for him.. anyway, in love pa rin naman ako eh.. sa family ko, sa friends, at higit sa lahat, kay God at sa service.. =)

*somebody asked me.. "are you taken?" i answered, "yes, i'm taken.." then i turned around with tears in my eyes as i whispered.. "taken for granted"*
>>awwww.. ehem, nakakarelate ba ako? hehe.. parang "halaga" lang ng parokya ah.. hay.. di na ako bitter no! kunwari lang nagdadrama.. haha..

*if you're in love but afraid to tell the person for some reason, just think: one moment of embarassment? or a lifetime of regret?*
>>umm, ipaparamdam ko na lang sa kanya that he's special.. bahala na what will happen next.. but definitely hindi ako ang manliligaw.. =D

friendship stuffs ..

*kung malungkot ako at kailangan ko ng isang taong magpapasaya sken, pwede ba kitang puntahan at sabihing "pwede, kahit saglit lang, payakap naman?"*
>>fortunately, i don't need to ask that.. i have super good friends who know when i need a hug.. and they would give it without question.. =)

*when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness.. and call it friendship..*
>>haha! yeah, right!

Godly/spiritual/inspirational..

*"What God wants us to do in our hearts is to love the poor. Worship is meaningful only if one hand is up in the air worshipping God and the other hand holding a piece of bread for the poor. GK (Gawad Kalinga) is God's work, and I am very privileged to be part of this." - Bo Sanchez*
>>enough said.

*life's pretty simple.. when you're asking for apples and life hands you lemons, make lemonade. if you're on your way out and it starts to rain, at least you won't have to water the plants anymore. it's a matter of seeing things in perspective. the benefits may not be immediate nor obvious, but you have to know this for sure: God will never give you anything you can't handle, nothing you can't triumph over.. there will be problems, there will be struggles.. but if they're not there, how would you know how strong you are?*
>>TRUE!

life, hurt, and some more..

*psychology speaks: "it's not what people do to us that hurts us. in the most fundamental sense, it's our chosen response to what they do to us that hurts us."*
>>yeah, i guess i can agree to this..

*i met him at the time when i really needed someone to help me overcome the pain i was feeling.. he stood by me all along.. then after all that happened, i suddenly thought of this: he helped me forget my sad story.. and yet, he started another one..*
>>ehem.. sapul na naman ba ako? parang si peter pan ba 'to? haha.. hay.. hindi naman ako sad ah..maybe i'm just missing him.. c'mon! haha.. tamang drama ka unaiza.. tama na yan! thesis mode ka na dapat.. =D wala lang.. syempre naisip ko na si peter pan.. i was reading his text messages a while ago and na-realize ko, sya nga talaga si peter pan ko.. kaso lang hindi ako si wendy.. pero ok lang.. ayoko na nga.. thesis mode na uli.. hehe..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

next topic: action speaks louder than words..

i realized recently that indeed, it's not important how many times you say 'i love you' to someone you love , and it really doesn't matter how sweetly you deliver that line.. what's more essential is that you do concrete actions to prove the sincerity of your words..

it goes the same for your dreams, and for everything else in life.. don't just say something, DO IT!

why and how did i come about this realization? blame him.. he was responsible for it.. and honestly, i thank him for that..

he could hardly believe that i've moved on and have finally let go.. but it all started with him.. he was the one who told me to find my new charger.. he doesn't want me to depend on him anymore.. and that's just what i did! but now that i'm finally healed, he was like "how did you that?".. at eto pa, nawindang talaga ako.. sa kanya daw ang salita, sken ang gawa.. in other words, hanggang salita lang siya.. at sinabi pa niyang hindi daw niya ata kayang gawin yung ginawa ko.. ngayon lang naging clear sken ang lahat.. yes, hanggang salita nga lang talaga siya.. and even in loving, hanggang dun lang ang kaya niya.. somehow, natuwa ako kasi at least i know for myself na kaya kong magmahal nang totoo.. i just don't say 'i love you'..pinapakita ko rin sa gawa..

haha.. hindi po kita inaaway, kung sino ka man.. pero salamat.. because of you, mas lalo kong naintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng 'pagmamahal'.. sana in God's time, matutunan mo rin yun..

that will be all .. hanggang sa muling pagdaldal.. goodluck sa lahat ng thesis mode din ngayon.. God bless everyone! =)

nothing good about goodbye.. the real one..

for the last time, i was able to spend lunch with my fellow interns.. i'll surely miss those guys.. i do love them.. my internship wouldn't be this sweet and fun had i not spend it with them..

i really hate the thought that i'll be leaving the company in less than 4 hours.. i really had a great time.. i swear!

and so, before i leave, let me tell you how great my co-interns are.. and by the way, please feel free to visit our summer blog in case you want to know what we've been doing the previous month..

here's the link: http://summer2007.wordpress.com/tag/chikka_16326

the chikka interns..

*sabz - he's our leader.. siya ang bumuo ng chikka intern-national community.. ang responsible sa paghahanap ng venue para sa lunch namin.. sobrang bait..

*julian - can't say much about this guy.. basta this week, 8:10 siya laging dumadating.. tambay sa batcave.. at mahilig mag-forward ng mga katatawanan..

*doy - grabe, ang hyper niya kahapon.. for some reason.. ewan, kape ate.. basta sobrang kulit niyang kausap sa ym.. rich kid pero sobrang easy to get along with..

*harley - well, sorry naman hanggang july pa siya sa chikka.. umm, one time nagdala siya ng isang box na kitkat at pinamigay lang niya yun samen.. grabe, sobrang generous..

*richard - pinakamaraming nabasa dun sa doctoral thesis at malamang he also got the highest score sa quiz namin.. mukhang tahimik at seryoso pero sobrang kalog din..

*bert - basahin niyo na lang comment ko sa kanya.. grabe, lakas-tama talaga ang batang ito.. ibang level ang energy.. hehe..
siya rin ang tga-bati namin ng 'good morning' at supplier ng daily jokes..

*jem - hindi raw nagsasalita sabi ni sabz.. hehe.. tahimik lang nung una pero nahawa rin sa kakulitan ni bert.. sobrang dami niyang requirements sa school.. ang arte pala sa ue.. bukod sa hardcopy, kelangan pa ng softcopy.. hehe.. syempre siniraan ko pa ang school niya.. peace!

err.. hindi ko na matuloy.. someone needs my help..

basta happy and sad ako na end na ng internship ko dito sa chikka..

hay.. i just hope they'll give me a chance to work here after i graduate.. yun lang.. God bless everyone! =)

there's nothing good about goodbye

today's the last day of my internship here in chikka and i'm partly sad, partly happy..

chikka had been my second home for the months of april and may.. more than a month din akong nagstay dito, and i swear, i really enjoyed my stay..

i was thinking of having an extension but my body doesn't want to.. sobrang ngarag na rin kasi ako e..

i need to rest for at least a week before the start of classes.. magiging madugo na rin kasi yung sem na 'to for me.. yeah, time for thesis at very crucial tlaga yun so i should be well-prepared..

umm, marami akong iniisip.. marami rin ata akong nararamdaman.. di ko alam..

i wanted to take things one at a time pero bakit parang sabay-sabay ata ang mga pangyayari.. cge, i'll try my best to organize my thoughts.. let's start from last night..

yesterday, nagpost ako ng isang 'happy post'.. because i was really happy then.. ok naman ako hanggang pagdating ko sa bahay e.. ka-txt si kuya ian, kuya don, ruthie.. ok lahat..

pero..

we had our regular music min practice..

hmmm... ayokong dumaldal.. basta..

alam na ni kuya pip yun..

err.. hindi ko na alam kung anong kasunod..

nonsense post..

later na nga lang uli.. pag naisip ko na kung anong sasabihin ko..

broken.. no more..

~*Those who thank God even in trials turn burden into blessings. So keep your faith close to your heart and God shall provide the comfort you need.*~

kung gaano ako kabadtrip kahapon, ganun na lang ako kasaya ngayon.. haha!

yeah, i'm happy.. i guess i woke up on the right side of the bed.. =D

para malaman nyo kung gano ako kabadtrip kahapon, here's an excerpt of what i've written para sana sa blog ko..

***
i hate this day.. nothing went right.. well, it's good that i was able to finish my task and that i'm done with the testing, but still, in general, i didn't have a good day..

i arrived two minutes late for the 8-5 shift so i have to be in the office until 6pm if i want to get the full daily allowance.. and yes, i chose to stay.. that money would mean a lot ,i swear! and i can't just take it for granted..

hell is listening to emo songs.. i hate emo but i love secondhand serenade, i love dashboard, i love dishwalla.. true enough, there's a certain pleasure in pain.. and now that i'm hearing that damn "every little thing" by dishwalla, it makes me feel broken, depressed, sad.. but at the same time, hopeful.. hopeful that someday, someone would sing me that song.. 'wish i could be every little thing you wanted..' and hell again, lifehouse! ...'you're all i want, you're all i need.. everything, everything..'

yeah, chai's right.. i can't move on by listening to these darn emo songs.. to hell with emo! but how can i ever stop myself from loving them? all i've been wanting to hear is emo..
***

see? obvious naman sigurong yesterday was a bad day for me.. hindi lang yun, nasira pa PC ko.. for some reason, bigla na lang siyang namamatay.. grabe talaga.. at dahil 6pm na ako umuwi, mahirap ng sumakay, traffic pa.. past 7 na ako nakarating sa bahay.. at hindi pa good news ang sumalubong sken.. at may natanggap pa akong text message na lalong nagpainit sa ulo ko.. i swear, nakakarindi talaga.. sa lahat kasi ng ayaw ko e yung sasabihin mo sken kung anong dapat kong maramdaman.. utang na loob naman, pati ba naman emotions ko pakikialaman pa.. err.. i don't wanna talk about it anymore.. mga walang kwentang bagay..

anyway, change topic..

so, why am i happy?

una sa lahat, ngayong araw lang ako nagising na walang new message sa phone ko.. masaya ba yun? hehe.. well, actually sad kasi walang nakaalala sken pero ok lang.. =)

i started the day right.. syempre prayer muna.. well, ganun naman ako everyday.. ewan ko ba, di talaga maiwasan ang mga hindi magagandang araw..

at ano nga bang nangyari? well, hindi ako matagal na naghintay ng masasakyan kanina.. buti na lang mapalad ako ngayong araw.. at umabot pa ako sa 8-5 na shift.. ibig sabihin, makakauwi ako ng 5pm mamaya..yey! yun pa lang, masaya na ako e..

pagdating ko rito, sira pa rin ang pc ko..so i had to report it to zer, our supervisor, who called the attention of the tech support..

after x minutes, kuya jojo arrived..

ayun, may ilang bagay siyang ginawa at ayun nga, na-experience nya rin ang topak ng pc ko..

after a while, he decided to restore the system..

good thing it worked.. and now, ok na uli PC ko.. yey! =)

that's the first good thing.. what's next? well, wala lang naman, nakatxt ko lang naman ang isa sa mga taong super miss ko na.. si ruthie! grabe, sa wakas, nag-abot din kame ng sis kong yun..

syempre chikka galore.. kaso lang nasa byahe sya and i had to do something na rin kaya natigil na kme.. later na lang uli.. =)

yeah, when it rains, it pours tlaga.. kahapon, inulan ako ng mga hindi kanais-nais na pangyayari, pero ngayon, good things naman ang bumubuhos.. hay.. i guess that's just the way life goes..

another good news: i'm done with almost everything.. actually, with everything.. =)

done with the setup, testing, queries, unistats.. ok na lahat.. kaya for the rest of the day, eto lang ang gagawin ko.. dumaldal sa blog..

for the meantime, eto na muna, later na lang uli.. lunch muna ako.. =)

God bless everyone!

it's so nice to be happy.. =D

current song playing on my mind: "I'll worship at Your throne, whisper my own love song.. with all my heart I'll sing, for You my Dad and King.. I'll live for all my days, to put a smile on Your face.. and when we finally meet, it'll be for eternity.."

when love and hate collide

can't stop the hurt inside..

how can i love and hate a person and a song all at at the same time?

i don't know what's gotten in to me.. last night i acted so badly.. just because of one song.. what's with 'your love' that makes me cry and break down?

i love that song.. i really do.. but in times like these, i hate it..

chai, you're right.. something hurts but i don't know where it is.. and i don't know how to ease the pain, heal the wounds, and get over it..

i spent my time looking for a perfect song to describe what i'm feeling today and why i broke down last night.. and i found not only one..

i'm not sure if i have mentioned this before.. but i have a new love.. secondhand serenade..

emo/rock/acoustic.. that's how he describes his music.. yes, secondhand serenade is composed of only one member.. john vesely..

and his story is really amazing.. i wish to have a lifetime partner like him.. someone who can sing me songs of love written with sincerity.. songs which came from the heart.. songs which not only contain words, but emotions..

why secondhand serenade?

"It's everything I would want in a band name and more. It basically sums up what I do. I write my songs about events and feelings that occur in my life, and I sing the songs to my wife. Everyone else gets the Secondhand Serenade." - John Vesely

isn't he sweet? i swear, he's really good.. and he hits me with his songs..

for more info, visit his myspace page: http://myspace.com/secondhandserenade

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know that I hate this song
Because it was written for you
*I Hate this Song, Secondhand Serenade

And someday, I promise I'll be gone
And someday, I might even sing this song
To you, I might even sing this song, to you
and I was crying alone tonight
and I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
So just come back we'll make it better
So Just come back I'll make it
better than it ever was
*Maybe, Secondhand Serenade

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die
*It's not Over, Secondhand Serenade

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.
.....
And if it's a hero you want,
I can save you. Just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breathe, it is dear. So please stay near.
*Awake, Secondhand Serenade

Take me with you
I will never let you down
I will love you now and forever
*Take me With You, Secondhand Serenade

I wish my life was this song
cause songs they never die
I could write for years and years
and never have to cry
*The Last Song Ever, Secondhand Serenade

I'll hold you closer and tell you I love you
but it won't matter in the end
It's obvious you're leaving soon
just another heart to mend
So what happens once you lose control?
When the future has to start
What happens when you're still in love
but time rips you apart.
Is there ever an answer
for when love is not enough?
*End, Secondhand Serenade

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight
.....
I'm not the only one for you
but you're the only one for me
*Stay Close Don't Go, Secondhand Serenade

I never wanted anything the way that I want you
But my words dont seem to matter
*Tested and True, Secondhand Serenade

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
*Your Guardian Angel, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

You're the only one I turn to
When I feel like no one's there
And when I'm lonely in my darkest hour
You give me the power
To sit and pretend
*Damn Regret, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

not related..

"if someone you love hurts you.. it's fine to cry a river.. just make sure you don't forget to drown the idiot in it.." <<--haha! thanks for this message leyn! i love it!

i'm akemi.. =)

Your Japanese Name, Anime-Self, and Personality!

Akemi Your Japanese name means 'bright and beautiful.' You're very beautiful inside! Heres a little um...'flaw' though. You're not the brightest person in the room! Or anywhere else. But who cares? Hard-work is proved to be the best thing in life! And you have that. You're innocent, sweet and a workaholic. You're extremely determined when it comes to your life goals, and people admire that. But alot of people wish you would toughen up a bit, but they can't resist your charming klutzy-ness. You are a very loyal and thoughtful friend, and anyone who befriends you will be in for a lot of understanding. You have the ability to know, and it seems like it comes naturally. But it's not so true, you've been hurt before. Many times, in big and small ways. But you found out how to rebuild again, and all I have to say is that keep heading towards your goals because your heart is in the right place. ^-^ Anime Personality-Like: Tohru Honda (from Fruits Basket) Take this quiz!

tickle says..

You're a Steady Supporter


Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.

For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

certified heart buff - heartstrings

You follow your heart when it comes to success


You're an impassioned individual who just can't suppress your ideals. You've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and want to let people know when they've crossed the line. Sure, there are times when you sit back to hear both sides of an argument. But people had better stay out of the way when your fiery passions take hold.

But just because you can be a bit of a rebel with a cause, it doesn't mean you're incapable of being understanding and compassionate. It's because you're so invested in your ideas and interests that you can work so tirelessly toward your goals and speak up for what you believe in. So keep pouring your heart into it. With conviction like yours, you're sure to succeed!

Do You Follow Your Heart or Your Head?

Brought to you by Tickle

jaded

MOOD SONG:

BAD DAY

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TICKLE TEST RESULT: WHAT's BEHIND YOUR EMOTION

Your strongest belief is honesty. 48% of test takers also hold honesty as an important value in life.

Because of your uncompromisingly honest nature, you generally feel most fulfilled when you can fully share your thoughts and feelings, good or bad.

People likely come to you when they need a forthright opinion because they know you are brave enough to tell your version of the truth, and you enjoy being around people who are forthcoming with their thoughts and opinions as well. Those around you have come to expect that you will generally "tell it like it is." You may feel that any untruth, even a little white lie, will lead to more harm than good. Your emotional intolerance for dishonesty — in yourself and others — makes you a highly trustworthy person.

*************************************************************************************

i really don't know if i agree to this result or not..my mind's not functioning well.. i'm jaded..

killing time again..

i was a bit emotional in my last post.. and i don't want to end the day with sadness and disappointment.. so i decided to indulge myself to my first love - music..

and what i got for today was some dose of real romantic, heartwarming and touching songs from 'the fray'.. yes, i'm addicted to them now.. good thing i was able to recover from my 'your love' sickness.. and i am now addicted to a new flavor, 'the fray' songs..

however, i'm not that fortunate to hear the songs because we don't have speakers here, you know, we're just interns.. =) but browsing through the lyrics is really good enough..

i swear, i felt love again.. and it feels so right.. i just content myself with daydreaming.. hearing him singing those wonderful songs to me.. oh God, nothing could be much sweeter than that..

oops, before posting the lyrics, i just want to share this bulletin post.. read on.. i swear, i agree to everything that's written.. =)

****************************************
every girl dreams that one day she will
find a boy that does these things for
her. even the smallest action can have
the BIGGEST impact in someone's life.


• give her one of your t-shirts to
sleep in.

• leave her cute text notes.

• kiss her in front of your friends.

• tell her she looks beautiful.

• look into her eyes when you talk to
her.

• let her mess with your hair.

• touch her hair.

• just walk around with her.

• forgive her for her mistakes.

• look at her like she`s the only girl
you see.

• tickle her even when she says stop.

• hold her hand when you`re around your
friends.

• when she starts swearing at you, tell
her you love her.

• let her fall asleep in your arms.

• get her mad, then kiss her.

• tease her and let her tease you back.

• stay up all night with her when she`s
sick.

• watch her favorite movie with her.

• kiss her forehead.

• give her the world.

• write her letters.

• let her wear your clothes.

• when she`s sad, hang out with her.

• let her know she`s important.

• let her take all the photos she wants
of you.

• kiss her in the pouring rain.

• when you fall in love with her, tell
her.

• and when you tell her, love her like
you`ve never loved someone before.

*********************************************

and now, the lyrics..

err, naiiyak na naman ako.. bakit ba? ano bang problema mo unaiza?! hay.. i wanna go home.. and lock myself in my room.. i'm trying to be ok but i can't.. c'mon girl, what's wrong?

hay.. ganito ata talaga pag stressed ka physically, mentally, and emotionally.. good thing i'm not having problems with my spiritual life.. anyway.. here are the lyrics.. for real..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ALL AT ONCE (refer to the bold lines.. they're the ones that hit me)

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
To another
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEAVEN FORBID (i really like this one.. i mean really..)

Twenty years it's breaking you down, now that you understand there's no one around.
Take a breath, just take a seat, you're falling apart and tearing at the seams.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

It's on your face, is it on your mind, would you care to build a house of your own.
How much longer, how long can you wait, It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

It feels good. Is that reason enough for you.
It feels good. Is that reason enough for you.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

Out of this one
Don't know how to get you out of this one, don't know how to get you out of this one,
Don't know how to get you out of this one, don't know how to get you out of this one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HUNDRED (for some reason, this song hits me too..)

The how I can't recall
But I'm staring at what once was the wall
Separating east and west
Now they meet amidst the broad daylight

So this is where you are, and this is where I am
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred

It's hard I must confess
I'm banking on the rest to clear away
Cause we have spoken everything
Everything short of I love you

You right where you are, from right where I am
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred

And who's to say it's wrong
And who's to say that it's not right
Where we should be for now

So this is where you are, and this is where I am
So this is where you are, and this is where I've been
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOOK AFTER YOU (this is really beautiful)

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you, won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

You are so beautiful to me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
next time na lang yung iba.. it's already 6 and i'm dying to go home.. i swear..

one word: sad

(on being a PPCRV/NAMFREL volunteer and some other stuffs..)

i volunteered as a PPCRV/NAMFREL pollwatcher for the 2007 national and local elections. i wanted to be really involved in this crucial event. i know how important the elections are and i never want to simply vote, i want to be part of the counting as well.

i expected things to be hard.. and yes, they are..

i woke up at 530 in the morning and prepared myself for a long tiring day, i know it's going to be a tough job but i guess i'm ready for it. in fact, i was excited.

i don't need to give a detailed account of what happened during the day.. i just have to say a few things..

i came to realize the following:

it's hard to be a volunteer. aside from the fact that we don't get anything but 'thank you', we also have to wait for hours before we could eat our sponsored meals. good thing i live near the polling place so i was able to go home and get some 'panawid-gutom' food while waiting for our lunch. but i'm fine with it. let's say i've expected it already. i don't really have a problem with that.

yes, we were tired.. who wouldn't be? but physical stress is much better than mental and emotional stress and i prefer it over the other two..

you might be wondering where this post is headed.. i'm sorry, i can't seem to find a good way of putting things together, of keeping my thoughts organized. i don't know where to start and where should i end..

this could be the effect of the three consecutive days that i've forgotten the meaning of 'sleep'.. my mind is thinking a lot but the words aren't coming out right.

but still, let me try..

i really don't have that much to say.. i'm just a bit disappointed with the outcome of the local election. and i'm talking of Pasig alone.

forgive me if i may sound a bit emotional, let's just say that i am among the few concerned citizens.. i mean, those who are TRULY concerned.

i'm not a loyalist of whoever but i am a lover of development, real action, pure service, and genuine care.

i respect the opinion of others and i don't have any negative intention in writing this blog entry.

i'm just worried. what will happen to the country if people would vote just for the sake of voting?

unfortunately, i can't say that those who participated in yesterday's elections were responsible..

sorry but i mean it.

when people are asked why did they vote for that candidate, they would say 'for a change'. when asked what changes are needed, they would say 'a lot' but they can't even say just one concrete answer.

my point here is that, why vote when you don't even know why you're voting?

nakakalungkot isiping hindi man lang maipagtanggol ng tao ang desisyon nya, well, that's if decision niya talaga yun at hindi dulot lang ng impluwensya ng ibang tao.

ask me why i voted for him.. and i'll ask you 'why not?'

as a Pasigueño, i am a witness to the many struggles of this city.. and i have seen how, through their initiative, this town has progressed through the years..

dito ako lumaki, dito ako nag-aral, at ngayon dito rin ako nagtatrabaho. salamat sa pinagandang ortigas center, kung saan matatagpuan ang chikka at ang iba pang malalaking IT companies.

i can't stop the tears from falling.. i know they're falling because i am hurting.. i am really disappointed.

i've never been this affected with the results of the elections.
maybe because i'm a first time voter and i've witnessed how people took for granted what seemed so important to me..

i kept on asking 'why'..

ano pa bang kulang ha? anong pagbabago ang gusto niyo?
hindi ba kayo kuntento sa kung anong meron tayo ngayon?
oo, kurakot sila.. pero sino bang hindi?

what is important is that you give to the people the services that they need.. hindi ba nangyayari yun sa pasig? siguro nga may pagkukulang sa pasig city general hospital, pero hindi dahil hindi ka naasikaso ng nurse at doctor dun e magagalit ka na sa mayor o sa vice-mayor o sa kung sino mang tao..

they don't deserve the blame. hindi naman nila hawak ang isip ng mga empleyado nila. and mind you, every hospital has its own admin.. wag nyong isisi lahat sa local government..

i don't want to sound like pinagtatanggol ko sila.. pero kasi naranasan ko rin naman yun..

i was rushed to the pasig city general hospital because my tummy hurts like hell.. when we got there, i started to vomit.. at sabi nga ni mama, namumutla na raw ako.. sobrang weak na ako nung time na 'yun..

pero yung nurse na tumingin sken, wala pa ring ginagawa aside from getting some useless information about me.. she even said that i might be pregnant which really made my father mad..

imagine that: a father seeing her daughter suffer because of ulcer and you would tell him about the possibility of the girl being pregnant? and i was just 19 then..

my father was so furious.. muntik na niyang masuntok yung nurse, babae pa man din..

they decided to transfer me to a private mini-hospital where i was confined for two days..

that incident was more than enough reason for us to hate the admin of that hospital but it didn't mean we have to hate the city council as well..

it's not their fault.. you could say that they must have hired better people, but c'mon, even the best companies have not that competitive employees.. i mean, it's normal.. sa family nga lang, may tinatawag na black sheep di ba? it's the same thing..

but the thing is, man by nature, as they say (but i don't agree), easily forgets your 10 good deeds the moment you've done at least 1 negative action, no matter how simple or how serious that action is.. and another thing, people believe allegations most of the time.. they are never fair..

bakit nga ba ganun daw ang tao? does that mean hindi ako tao?

good heavens naman! why judge someone because of one wrong move or worse, one bad allegation?

'for a change..'
err, hindi ko na alam kung ano pang sasabihin ko para lang ipaintindi sa tao na hindi lahat ng bago ay maganda at hindi lahat ng luma ay bulok na..

corrupt daw.. pero ano na bang nagagawa niya? kaya nyo pa bang bilangin kung ilang schools na ang naipatayo? ilang magulang at estudyante na ang natulungan?

here i go again.. hindi ko talaga mapigilang mapaiyak.. nahihiya ako sa nagiging takbo ng bilangan.. sa mga lumalabas na partial results..

is this what he deserves? i don't think so..

err, i can't continue anymore.. i'm getting too emotional.. baka makita na ako ng boss ko na umiiyak..

hindi pa tapos ang bilangan.. the battle's not over yet pero sa lahat ng bumoto sa taong nangangako ng pagbabago, sana lang hindi kayo nagkamali sa decision niyo..

parang relationship yun e.. sawa ka na sa partner mo kasi you've been together for so long already.. alam mo na lahat sa kanya, wala na kayong maitatago sa isa't isa.. and then someone comes.. he/she promises to add flavor to your life.. dahil sa bored ka na, papatulan mo naman, iiwanan ang dati mong partner para itry kung anong pwedeng ioffer ng bagong kakilala.. kaso lang, short time happiness and satisfaction lang pala talaga ang gusto niya at kaya niyang ibigay.. pa'no na? hanap uli ng iba?

the problem with us is this: we are never contented.. we always ask for more..

i'm still hopeful na mananalo kung sino yung dapat..
marami pa akong gustong sabihin but my heart can longer stand the pain..

i'm afraid i have to end it here..

i have to heal myself first..

killing time

i still don't have work to do because my 'nanay' here in chikka is in vigan.

but i have to stay here until 5pm or else i won't get my allowance for today..

killing time.. that's exactly what i'm doing right now..

i'm reading almost every recent post in the friendster bulletin board.. and i find these three the most interesting ones..

POST #1: 10 Uri ng Manliligaw

what i have to say:

i prefer none of the above.. hehe.. bulok lahat eh.. haha.. pero may kilala akong #9.. kaso lang di rin effective eh.. yung #10 naman, pwede na rin.. basta ba hindi chocnut yung chocolate eh.. tsaka, san ang karugtong nun? pano nya napapakilig yung nililigawan nya?

1. Mr. Gwapings
>> mayaman, gwapo, kilala, at higit sa
lahat may wheels. mataas ang
confidence nya na hindi sya
mababasted, kaya pag nabasted...
maapektuhan ng husto ang kanyang EGO.
at teyk note, malas mo kung may sour
grape attitude pa yan. pwede nyang
sabihing "sus kala mo kung sinong
maganda e pinagtyatyagaan ko lang
naman sya! pwe!"

2. Mr. Quickie
>> ang type ng manliligaw na kada
magkikita kayo e wala nang alam na
sabihin kundi "kelan mo ba ako
sasagutin?" o kaya "i love you na, ako
ba hindi mo pa lab?" kahit na isang
linggo pa lang naman syang pumoporma.
kung baga dinadaan nya sa pangungulit
para mabilis ang pagsagot mo.

3. Mr. Everything
>> linya nya ang "sagutin mo lang ako,
ibibigay ko sayo lahat, lahat ng
magustuhan mo. kahit ang pa buwan o
kaya mundo." !@#$ ka na pag nagpauto
ka. dahil pag sinagot mo na yan,
makakalimutan na nya ang linyang yan.

4. Mr. Stalker
>> eto yung type ng manliligaw na pag
nagkahiwalay kayo e sisimulan ka sa
tanong na "kumain ka na ba?"
pagkasagot mo susundan pa nya ulit ng
tanong "nsan ka ngayon?" "sinong
kasama mo?" "anong ginagawa mo?" at
kung anu- ano pa. basta tungkol sa
daily activities mo kelangan malaman
nya.

5. Mr. Take it or leave it
>> pag binasted mo ang ganitong type
ng manliligaw, asahan mo bukas may
nililigawan na sya ulit. at heto pa,
hinding hindi ka na nya papansinin.
period.

6. Mr. Salesman
>> dadaanin ka sa matatamis na salita.
parang si Mr. Everything din kaya lang
sya mas matindi mang-uto. yun bang
tipong.."ang ganda ganda talaga ng mga
mata mo.." o kaya "ang kinis kinis mo"
o kaya "ang lambot ng mga kamay mo" at
iba pang pang-uuto mapasagot ka lang.

7. Mr. Good Dog
>> eto ang nakakatuwang manliligaw.
kase payag syang magpaalipin. taga
bitbit ng bag mo o kahit ng mga
kaibigan mo. kahit magmuka syang
buntot sa tuwing may gala kayo ng mga
barkada mo. nagpapakitang gilas kung
baga. pero pag sinagot mo na, for sure
gaganti yan.

8. Mr. Anonymous
>> motto nya ang "action speaks louder
than voice". wala kang kaalam-alam,
nanliligaw na pala. kaya pala ang bait-
bait sayo. e akala mo mabait lang
talaga. hehe!

9. Mr. Second chance
>> sya ang pinakamasugid
mong manliligaw. kahit 100 tayms mong
sabihing ayaw mo sa kanya at wala na
syang pag-asa ang sasabihin nya
parin "Please give me a second chance"

10. Mr. Romantiko
>> jologs ang mga paraan nya sa
panliligaw. manghaharana,
pakikisamahan mga barkada mo,
liligawan parents mo at laging may
dalang flowers and chocolates tuwing
dadalaw. pero madalas nakakapagpakilig
sya ng nililigawan nya dahil sa


GUYS lam nio n b kung alin keo jan?..
GIRLS: which do you prefer?..

POST #2: This is Why Girls Cry

what i have to say:

i agree to everything.. and i would like to add, most girls also cry when they're overwhelmed.. i don't want to generalize but i believe it's not only me who cries out of extreme happiness.. happiness because someone appreciated my work, someone told me he/she loves me and i felt his/her sincerity, and/or someone cared for me so much and i was touched by his/her action..

this is a nice post except that the repost instructions are kind of exaggerated..

They Fell In Love With The Wrong Person

They're Mad

They're Sad

They're Scared

They're Nervous

They're Frustrated

They're Missing Someone

They're Alone

They Have To Let Him Go

They're PMSing

They're Pregnant

They're Tired Of Abusive Relationships

Their Heart Is broken

They're In Love

They Still Want To Be With That Special Person

Their Souls Have Been Torn

They Met Someone They Can't Have

They Feel Cheated

They Hurt So Bad Inside

They feel unloved

They Saw Him With Her

They Saw Him Kiss Her

They're Confused

It's Over


BOYS!!!: If any girl you know is
crying, and you see them, don't just
stand there like an ass and say you're
sorry, hold them, kiss them, and tell
them everything will be ok, even if
you have no idea what is wrong with
them. Girls go through more drama than
you can imagine! Girls just want to be
held and know that someone cares about
them.


Girls: Repost this if you're tired of
dealing with the drama, and you're
sick of putting up with the bullshit!

Boys: Repost if you're a loving,
caring, sensitive guy, who hates to
see a girl hurt like this and you hate
to see a girl cry!

Repost this in:

1 minute: You'll will find your true
love next week!!!

2 minutes: You'll find them in two
weeks!!!

3 mintutes: You'll find them in three
weeks!!!

4 minutes: You'll find your true love
when you're 90 years old

5 minutes: You took too damn long and
someone else got them!!

and re-post as "this is why girls cry"

POST #3: Number

what i have to say:

i answered 22, and yes, i am a pink power ranger simply because i'm a pink lover.. (pink as in the color pink, not the singer.. i like her though but not to that extent..) but those who know me well also know the real answers.. 10 is one of them.. the rest, ask me.. or ask them.. *wink*

Once you open this, You have ten
minutes to repost with the ONE number
that fits you best or you will be
single for the next five years.

00.... Ugly
0..... Married
1..... Single
2..... Heartbroken
3..... Single and loving it
4..... Want to tell someone you still like them
5..... Crushing
6..... Like someone you can never have AGAIN.??
7..... Taken
8..... Like someone
9..... Missing her/him
10.... Single but your heart is taken
11.... Like more than 1 person
12.... Taken by the best girl/guy ever
13.... Sick of getting hurt
14.... Confused
15.... Still like your ex
16.... Talkin to someone..
17.... Afraid 2 say I love you...
18.... I am just a pink power ranger
19.... Slightly mad at the opposite sex
20.... I'm a pirate
21.... Im a Ninja
22.... I'm a pathfinder