one word: sad

(on being a PPCRV/NAMFREL volunteer and some other stuffs..)

i volunteered as a PPCRV/NAMFREL pollwatcher for the 2007 national and local elections. i wanted to be really involved in this crucial event. i know how important the elections are and i never want to simply vote, i want to be part of the counting as well.

i expected things to be hard.. and yes, they are..

i woke up at 530 in the morning and prepared myself for a long tiring day, i know it's going to be a tough job but i guess i'm ready for it. in fact, i was excited.

i don't need to give a detailed account of what happened during the day.. i just have to say a few things..

i came to realize the following:

it's hard to be a volunteer. aside from the fact that we don't get anything but 'thank you', we also have to wait for hours before we could eat our sponsored meals. good thing i live near the polling place so i was able to go home and get some 'panawid-gutom' food while waiting for our lunch. but i'm fine with it. let's say i've expected it already. i don't really have a problem with that.

yes, we were tired.. who wouldn't be? but physical stress is much better than mental and emotional stress and i prefer it over the other two..

you might be wondering where this post is headed.. i'm sorry, i can't seem to find a good way of putting things together, of keeping my thoughts organized. i don't know where to start and where should i end..

this could be the effect of the three consecutive days that i've forgotten the meaning of 'sleep'.. my mind is thinking a lot but the words aren't coming out right.

but still, let me try..

i really don't have that much to say.. i'm just a bit disappointed with the outcome of the local election. and i'm talking of Pasig alone.

forgive me if i may sound a bit emotional, let's just say that i am among the few concerned citizens.. i mean, those who are TRULY concerned.

i'm not a loyalist of whoever but i am a lover of development, real action, pure service, and genuine care.

i respect the opinion of others and i don't have any negative intention in writing this blog entry.

i'm just worried. what will happen to the country if people would vote just for the sake of voting?

unfortunately, i can't say that those who participated in yesterday's elections were responsible..

sorry but i mean it.

when people are asked why did they vote for that candidate, they would say 'for a change'. when asked what changes are needed, they would say 'a lot' but they can't even say just one concrete answer.

my point here is that, why vote when you don't even know why you're voting?

nakakalungkot isiping hindi man lang maipagtanggol ng tao ang desisyon nya, well, that's if decision niya talaga yun at hindi dulot lang ng impluwensya ng ibang tao.

ask me why i voted for him.. and i'll ask you 'why not?'

as a Pasigueño, i am a witness to the many struggles of this city.. and i have seen how, through their initiative, this town has progressed through the years..

dito ako lumaki, dito ako nag-aral, at ngayon dito rin ako nagtatrabaho. salamat sa pinagandang ortigas center, kung saan matatagpuan ang chikka at ang iba pang malalaking IT companies.

i can't stop the tears from falling.. i know they're falling because i am hurting.. i am really disappointed.

i've never been this affected with the results of the elections.
maybe because i'm a first time voter and i've witnessed how people took for granted what seemed so important to me..

i kept on asking 'why'..

ano pa bang kulang ha? anong pagbabago ang gusto niyo?
hindi ba kayo kuntento sa kung anong meron tayo ngayon?
oo, kurakot sila.. pero sino bang hindi?

what is important is that you give to the people the services that they need.. hindi ba nangyayari yun sa pasig? siguro nga may pagkukulang sa pasig city general hospital, pero hindi dahil hindi ka naasikaso ng nurse at doctor dun e magagalit ka na sa mayor o sa vice-mayor o sa kung sino mang tao..

they don't deserve the blame. hindi naman nila hawak ang isip ng mga empleyado nila. and mind you, every hospital has its own admin.. wag nyong isisi lahat sa local government..

i don't want to sound like pinagtatanggol ko sila.. pero kasi naranasan ko rin naman yun..

i was rushed to the pasig city general hospital because my tummy hurts like hell.. when we got there, i started to vomit.. at sabi nga ni mama, namumutla na raw ako.. sobrang weak na ako nung time na 'yun..

pero yung nurse na tumingin sken, wala pa ring ginagawa aside from getting some useless information about me.. she even said that i might be pregnant which really made my father mad..

imagine that: a father seeing her daughter suffer because of ulcer and you would tell him about the possibility of the girl being pregnant? and i was just 19 then..

my father was so furious.. muntik na niyang masuntok yung nurse, babae pa man din..

they decided to transfer me to a private mini-hospital where i was confined for two days..

that incident was more than enough reason for us to hate the admin of that hospital but it didn't mean we have to hate the city council as well..

it's not their fault.. you could say that they must have hired better people, but c'mon, even the best companies have not that competitive employees.. i mean, it's normal.. sa family nga lang, may tinatawag na black sheep di ba? it's the same thing..

but the thing is, man by nature, as they say (but i don't agree), easily forgets your 10 good deeds the moment you've done at least 1 negative action, no matter how simple or how serious that action is.. and another thing, people believe allegations most of the time.. they are never fair..

bakit nga ba ganun daw ang tao? does that mean hindi ako tao?

good heavens naman! why judge someone because of one wrong move or worse, one bad allegation?

'for a change..'
err, hindi ko na alam kung ano pang sasabihin ko para lang ipaintindi sa tao na hindi lahat ng bago ay maganda at hindi lahat ng luma ay bulok na..

corrupt daw.. pero ano na bang nagagawa niya? kaya nyo pa bang bilangin kung ilang schools na ang naipatayo? ilang magulang at estudyante na ang natulungan?

here i go again.. hindi ko talaga mapigilang mapaiyak.. nahihiya ako sa nagiging takbo ng bilangan.. sa mga lumalabas na partial results..

is this what he deserves? i don't think so..

err, i can't continue anymore.. i'm getting too emotional.. baka makita na ako ng boss ko na umiiyak..

hindi pa tapos ang bilangan.. the battle's not over yet pero sa lahat ng bumoto sa taong nangangako ng pagbabago, sana lang hindi kayo nagkamali sa decision niyo..

parang relationship yun e.. sawa ka na sa partner mo kasi you've been together for so long already.. alam mo na lahat sa kanya, wala na kayong maitatago sa isa't isa.. and then someone comes.. he/she promises to add flavor to your life.. dahil sa bored ka na, papatulan mo naman, iiwanan ang dati mong partner para itry kung anong pwedeng ioffer ng bagong kakilala.. kaso lang, short time happiness and satisfaction lang pala talaga ang gusto niya at kaya niyang ibigay.. pa'no na? hanap uli ng iba?

the problem with us is this: we are never contented.. we always ask for more..

i'm still hopeful na mananalo kung sino yung dapat..
marami pa akong gustong sabihin but my heart can longer stand the pain..

i'm afraid i have to end it here..

i have to heal myself first..