BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS »

Monday, June 30, 2008

life is all about choices.

just some reflections before the month ends..

yesterday was the celebration of my tita ana's birthday. one of her friends wasn't able to come because she cannot leave the aged man she's taking care of. umalis daw kasi si ate niya at sa kanya iniwan si kuya. sa totoo lang, medyo hindi na nga tama yung ginagawa ng pamilya ng matanda sa kanya. the wife and their only daughter live as if sila na lang ang miyembro ng pamilya. sa kasambahay na nila inasa lahat ng dapat sila ang gumagawa. matagal ng gustong umalis ni ate L dahil napapagod na rin siya at gusto naman din niyang bigyan ng panahon ang sarili niya. pero hindi niya magawang iwan si kuya dahil naaawa siya. at dahil napamahal na rin sa kanya yung matanda. itinuring na nga niyang ama. masakit lang sa kanya dahil hindi man lang daw niya nagawa sa tatay niya yung mga ginagawa niya ngayon sa amo niya na hindi man lang niya kamag-anak. anong meron sa kwento ni ate L? well, medyo ganun din ang kwento ko. sa dami ng pinagdaanan ko sa community kung saan ako nabibilang, kung tutuusin, marami na akong dahilan para umalis. sa dami ng luhang naiyak ko na, dapat matagal na rin akong sumuko. sa dami ng sakit na naramdaman ko, dapat hindi na ako nagmamahal. i could have escaped life itself. i could have acted badly. i could have revenged against people who have hurt me. but i chose to fight, to go on with my life, to forgive, to be as kind as i could, to do good things as often as i can, and to just cry when i can no longer bear the pain. pinili kong manatili. pinili kong mabuhay. all for one reason: God! He never gave up on me. I, too, will never ever give up on loving and serving Him.

this morning, i had a meeting with my thesis adviser. after that, i decided to attend mass at the UP chapel. the celebrant was Father Jojo, one of my favorites because of his brief, but substantial homilies. today's Gospel: When Jesus saw a crowd around Him, He gave orders to cross to the other side. A scribe approached and said to him, "Teacher, I will follow You wherever you go." Jesus answered him, "Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest His head." Another of His disciples said to Him, "Lord, let me go first and bury my father." But Jesus answered him, "Follow Me, and let the dead bury their dead." [Matthew 8:18-22]

the homily focused on the underlined verse. according to Father Jojo, what the disciple meant was this: I will follow You Lord but I will first finish my responsibilities. to me, it's like, "yes Lord, I will serve You, but not yet now. I still have a lot to do." ilang beses na ba nating nasabi yun? at ilang beses na rin nating narinig yun? sa dami ng na-invite namin sa CLP, maraming nagsabing wala silang time. nakakalungkot lang na nawawalan tayo ng oras para sa Panginoon. sabi ni mars, master daw ako sa time management dahil bukod sa acads, adik din ako sa service, tapos dati may lovelife pa rin ako. hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko nagagawa lahat ng dapat kong gawin. i do cram. natatambakan din ako. pero natatapos ko naman. wala nga lang tulugan. hehe. actually ngayon, nawiwindang na ako kung paano ko hahatiin yung oras ko sa dami ng responsibilities ko sa school, sa service/church, sa family ko, sa sarili ko, at kay God (apart from service). pero kanina, after kong malaman yung mga dapat kong gawin, i simply told God, "Lord, be my planner." by the way, hindi pa po 'to yung homily. hehe. thoughts ko lang 'to. eto na yung homily: sabi ni Father, we tend to procrastinate. we don't seize the moment. mahilig tayo sa "next time/sandali lang/mamaya na lang." i believe true yun sa lahat ng aspects ng life naten. kasi marami na rin akong nasayang na pagkakataon just because i was waiting for the "perfect moment." ilang beses na ba akong hindi nakatulog dahil sa hindi ko lang nasabi o nagawa yung isang bagay na gusto kong sabihin o gawin. i claim that i'm living and loving the moment, but i admit, not to the fullest yet. may hesitations pa rin ako. especially when it comes to telling people how i feel. last night, on our way home, he asked me, "ano nga pala yung sasabihin mo sken?" my reply was, "hindi tama yung setting para pag-usapan e." and he told me, "wala namang perpektong pagkakataon e." at eto ngayon, yun din yung message ng Gospel. SEIZE EVERY MOMENT. kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa? nauubos din ang bukas.

every little thing is a gift from God, time included. how we manage our gifts is our way of showing God that we're grateful and that we're good stewards of what is entrusted to us. we only live once. let's not waste even a second of our precious lives. whew! sana magawa ko 'to - not to miss the little things. ^_^

this week, i will be busy, as always. hehe. exam + experiment + presentation + chapter assembly + fellowship + household. kaya ko 'to! God is my planner. sabi nga sa Facing the Giants, just do your best for God and leave the results to Him.

life is now or never. let's choose to live it NOW! ^_^

Saturday, June 28, 2008

buhos na ulan aking mundo'y lunuring tuluyan..

Nabasa ko kahapon sa isang artikulo sa Philippine Collegian: Hindi mapipigil ang bagyo, iba rin ang may hawak sa kuryenteng dumadaloy sa bahay, at hawak naman ng kuryente halos ang buhay. Hindi naman lingid sa ating kaalaman na isang malakas na bagyo (Frank) ang sumalanta sa ating bansa noong nakaraang linggo. At nagdulot ito ng napakaraming trahedya, kabilang na ang paglubog ng MV Princess of the Stars, kung saan marami ang binawian ng buhay, at marami pa rin ang hindi pa natatagpuan o hindi pa naiahon ang mga bangkay hanggang sa ngayon. Dagdag pa ang panibagong hadlang sa retrieval operations: ang kargang nakalalasong kemikal ng nasabing barko. Hindi ko mapigilang mainis sa pamunuan ng Sulpicio Lines sa pagiging iresponsable nila. Paumanhin sa ginamit kong salita pero sa tingin ko, yun ang makakapaglarawan sa kanila. Naging pabaya sila. Hindi man lang nila inisip ang kaligtasan ng mga taong ang hangad lamang ay makatulong. Paano na lamang kung hindi pa nalaman na may lason pala at nagpatuloy ang retrieval operations at tuluyan ng tumagas at nalanghap ng rescue divers yung kemikal, e di mas marami pang biktima? Sana naman maisip ng mga taong may katungkulan ang mga ganung posibilidad. Hindi ko rin masisi kung bakit ganun na lamang ang galit ng mga kamag-anak ng mga biktima sa nasabing trahedya. Sana lang hindi na talaga maulit ang mga ganung uri ng aksidenteng dulot ng kapabayaanan ng iilan.

Kahapon, nabanggit kong when it rains, it pours. (ang hirap ng pure tagalog. hehe. taglish na lang uli ha? feeling ko isa itong pormal na sulatin e. well, hindi naman ito graded so okay lang na tamang kwento lang ako. ^_^) Kung iisipin natin, parang wala ngang magandang dulot ang ulan. Pero gaya ng lahat ng bagay, may mabuting epekto din ito. At syempre, yun ang sisikapin kong i-explore.

Ang galing lang kasi during the previous weeks, I've been reading the Book of Job, tapos early this week, nakita ko yung Kerygma magazine sa UP chapel, at sabi ko nga hindi aksidenteng nakita ko yun, kelangan kong basahin yun, well, true enough, marami nga akong natutunan from it. Amazing how everything seems to be connected. The Book of Job, the Kerygma magazine, the rain, and my recent experiences, particularly, my struggles.

The article that caught my attention was: Why me, Lord? (When Good People Experience Suffering) by Bishop Soc Villegas (he was still Msgr. that time - March 1999). Habang binabasa ko yung article, kinakausap ko rin si God. Nakakamangha kasi kung paano Niya pinapadala sken ang mga mensahe Niya. Would you believe that in the said article, Bishop Soc also used Job as an example? I quote, "In the Book of Job, we can see that Job, a righteous man, was fenced in by human sufferings. He went bankrupt. He was deserted by friends. He said to himself, "God has struck me and the devil has fenced me in. My only way out is death." Many of us can identify with Job..." Galing diba? Consistent si God sa message Niya. And when He teaches a lesson, siguradong tatatak sa puso't isipan naten kasi paulit-ulit Niyang ipapa-realize sa atin yun. God is undeniably the best teacher because He makes sure that we will learn our lesson. Hindi Siya napapagod ulit-ulitin sa atin yung mga dapat nating malaman. Amazing talaga. I wish I could post the whole article here but I would first have to ask permission from the author. But I think it would be ok if I would just quote him. Anyway, published naman yung article sa isang magazine e and besides, it is good news that I'm spreading, diba po? ^_^

Having said that, let me now share my realizations.

Bishop Soc said, "Even Jesus suffered." That's exactly what I tell myself and my parents every time we experience pain. At kung tutuusin, hindi naman Niya dapat naranasan yun. I remember Father Rabonza. Years ago, during a Holy Week mass, he asked us to stand up, bend our knees, and spread our arms. That was his homily. We were in that position for not less than 20 minutes while he was giving his sermon. He asked, "masakit ba? nahihirapan na ba kayo? isipin nyo si Hesus. mas matindi pa dyan ang pinagdaanan Niya bilang parusa sa kasalanang hindi naman Niya ginawa." Nakapikit kame nun pero alam kong lahat ng tao sa simbahan ay tumutulo na hindi lang ang pawis, kundi pati na rin ang luha. Nakakahiya. Kung makareklamo tayo sa Diyos, ganun na lang, pero kung tutuusin, mas unfair nga yung nangyari kay Hesus. Sabi pa ni Bishop Soc, nagsimula raw ang suffering ni Jesus hindi sa pagharap Niya kay Pilato o sa paghuli sa Kanya, kundi sa Huling Hapunan. "Yes, there was no nailing, no scourging, no crowning with thorns during this event. But there certainly was psychological anguish which the Lord was going through. And this was actually more painful than the physical pains that He had to endure when the Stations of the Cross began." i definitely agree. emotional pain is a lot harder to deal with than physical pain. it cannot be healed by any pain reliever. a wounded heart bleeds more than a wounded skin. at mas masakit yun kasi hindi mo naman pwedeng lagyan ng betadine or band aid ang puso, diba? Bishop Soc added, "We can identify the pains of the Lord with our own pains. Most of us may not suffer materially but the comfort that money can bring is nothing once we know the pain and anguish of being betrayed by a friend." whew! enough said. betrayal is the most painful of all hurts, i think.

[lumabas ako saglit para kumain at naabutan kong nagpapatay ng lamok ang kapatid ko. napag-usapan lang namin, ano nga ba ang silbi ng mga lamok? lahat ng bagay, tao, hayop, at halaman ay may silbi? pero ang lamok, bukod sa magdulot ng sakit, ano nga ba ang mabuti nilang pakay? natuwa ako sa sagot ng kapatid ko, "alam ko na ang silbi ng mga lamok, para matutong maglinis ang mga tao." ^_^]

"Every day we suffer." Mula sa paggising sa umaga, hanggang sa pagtulog naten sa gabi, we all experience sufferings of all kinds - may simple, may komplikado, may mabigat, may magaan. At ang katotohanan, we suffer because we belong to God. "It seems that the fate of those whom the Lord really holds close to His heart is to suffer the cross." The following is one of my favorite parts in the article. Kasi it talks of St. Teresa of Avila, my patron saint (Oct. 15). Naisip ko lang, what if I was named after her? Malamang ang nickname ko ay Tere. Umm.. Aiza na lang. Hehe. Anyway, here it is. The life of St. Teresa of Avila showed that she was persecuted even by Church authorities. She was misunderstood and maligned by her own confreres. She was distressed, she suffered dryness in her prayers for so many years. Finally, in prayer, she asked the Lord, "Why do You allow all these trials! Why do You allow all these persecutions to come to me!" And the Lord appeared to Teresa of Avila and said, "Teresa, that is how I deal with My friends." And Teresa responded, "That is why You have few friends. To be Your friend means to suffer with You." Nung nabasa ko 'to, nasabi ko sa sarili ko, "ahh.. kaya pala.. pareho kame ng kwento ng patron saint ko. astig naman. now i understand." Eto yung kasunod na paragraph: Very clearly in the Gospel, the Lord tells us that His disciples, the first followers of the Lord, had to suffer the same fate, to be persecuted. Why? For only one reason: they were friends of Jesus. The Lord holds the cross very precious to His heart. And, therefore, He only gives His precious jewel to His precious friends. Unfortunately, His precious friends are us, so we have to suffer the consequences of our friendship with God. [sigh.] ang hirap no? pero that's how it is. "There is no explanation why people suffer. The only thing I can recommend is, when you see good people suffering, look at Christ on the cross. If you can understand why the Father allowed Jesus to suffer like that, then you would be able to understand why good people suffer." To end, (because my back aches already) let me quote, again, Bishop Soc Villegas. This will be a bit long. Pero kasi hindi ko na masasabi pa 'to in a better way. "..pain is only a means of joy. Death is only a means of life. Our sufferings are only means to our glory. We cannot attain glory, we cannot attain Easter Sunday, we cannot attain joy, unless we are willing to die, to allow the temple of our bodies to be destroyed, to allow our pride to be broken down, so that the Lord can raise us up again. [may naalala na naman ako, pag tinanong daw sa simbahan kung sinong gustong pumunta sa langit, lahat magtataas ng kamay.. pero kapag tinanong na ng pari kung sinong gustong mamatay, wala ng magtataas.. matagal ng joke 'to pero kung iisipin, totoo naman diba? ^_^] This is also the story of our lives. Sometimes we can say, "I live in a valley of tears." Sometimes we complain to God, "Dear God, I did not live a single day when I didn't cry. Dear God, I have not lived a day in my life when I wa not troubled or hurt." And yet brothers and sisters, we know that because we are hurt, because we are pained, we too, will rise again with the Lord. Although we cannot reverse the turning of the palm branches from fresh green to dry brown, we must not forget that for those who trust in God, even the driest of palms can turn fresh again.."

How is this related to rain? Well, the rain, just like the tears, though they are signs of pain and loneliness, cleanses, soothes, heals, relieves. Kapag umuulan, nalilinis ang paligid, nalilinis ang hangin, pero higit pa roon, nagkakaroon tayo ng pagkakataong manahimik, mag-isip, magnilay-nilay. Wala tayong magawa kundi manatili sa bahay, palipasin ang oras sa piling ng mga taong mahalaga sa atin. Ang ulan at ang bagyo ang nagbibigay sa atin ng pagkakataong makasama, makakwentuhan ang ating pamilya. Aminin man natin o hindi, masyado ng busy ang mga buhay natin. Halos may kanya-kanya na tayong mundo. Pero sa mga panahong malakas ang buhos ng ulan, baha sa labas, wala tayong choice kundi magstay sa bahay at bumalik sa "mundo" kung nasaan ang higit na mahahalagang bagay at tao.

The rain, the tears, the sufferings have one thing in common: they cause destructions, but they also lead to restoration and peace. We just have to be strong and always look forward to finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. ^_^

I hope I made sense. Hehe. Dumating na si Alpha, nood muna kameng Facing the Giants. Tapos punta na sa CLP. Hindi ako masyadong busy no? Hehe.

May isa pa pala akong gustong i-share: from the same article, Our greatest enemy is the sinful self, the old self that urges us to take the easy way out, the self that tells us to get over others, otherwise, they will make a fool out of you. The self that opts for revenge rather forgiveness.

end of post.

God bless everyone! ^_^

Friday, June 27, 2008

when it rains, it pours..

i just can't contain what i feel. God is so amazing. and He remains faithful despite my unworthiness. since my last post, a lot of good things have happened (and i know, will still happen). here are some of the highlights of my week:
*yesterday, alpha and i attended the 12pm mass at the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice. it was the feast of St. Josemaria Escriva, the founder of Opus Dei. the very essence of the homily was this: Sanctity is possible. There is something holy in the very ordinary things that happen in our lives. and i agree. i believe we just have to open our eyes to see the beauty and purpose of everything. easier said than done. but believe me, life will be better if we learn how to see the positive rather than the negative. take it from me. ^_^ after the mass, a lady approached us and gave us prayer cards. and i felt blessed. the lady was Ma'am Punzalan, a faculty from the Institute of Biology. happy kame ni alpha na na-meet namin siya. bagong prayer partner na naman. i remember shy, she was the one who shared to me the prayer of Jabez, "extend my territory." ^_^
*today, i woke up with a not-so-peaceful heart. maybe because i didn't have a restful sleep (i've been thinking a lot lately). and maybe because i was a little worried about my meeting with my thesis adviser. i said my morning prayer and offered everything to God. indeed, He ruled my day. despite the so-many not-so-good/stressful things around, i was able to enjoy the day. at ang mas nakakatuwa dun, morning pa lang, inulan na ako ng happy moments. a friend told me that he passed the board exam, my dearest foreverfriend mars finally got a good job offer (and she already accepted it), i had a good chat with one of the interns at the Philippine Orthopedic Center (i went there for my check-up with Dr. Basibas), i ate a lot, and most of all, my meeting with my adviser went really well. thanking God is not enough. i can't stop praising Him for always allowing me to experience His presence, His power, and His majesty. by the way, eto pa pala, yesterday, dala ko yung physics book na ipapahiram ko kay Chai. usually, naglalakad lang ako from Balara to EEE kasi ang tagal dumating ng Toki. pero dahil sa mabigat yung dala ko kahapon at medyo malapit ng mag-730, kelangan ko na talagang sumakay ng jeep. pagbaba ko ng Katipunan jeep, habang naglalakad, i closed my eyes and whispered, "Lord, please po, I pray na may dumaang Toki. Thank you po." pagdating ko sa kanto, kung saan dumadaan ang Toki, saglit akong naghintay, at dumating na nga ang Toki. ang saya! kung tutuusin, simple lang naman yun. pero that's exactly the point, God works even in the simplest of things.
ayun lang. i just can't let this day pass without sharing how God has blessed me and the people around me. isa pa pala, i confessed kanina sa Quiapo and the priest was kind enough to give me advice regarding an issue that's been bothering me since the last time i saw my ninang.
what's with the title? well, that's how life goes. when it rains, it pours. kung pakiramdam niyo binabagyo na kayo ng mga problema, be still, know that God is working overtime para bagyuhin naman kayo ng blessings. living witness ako sa katotohanang yun. ako kasi, laging inuulan ng problema at struggles sa iba't ibang aspeto ng buhay ko, pero inuulan din ako ng blessings, at kung hindi man ako yung i-bless, yung mga tao namang pinagdarasal ko. laban lang tayo. God never gave up on us, wala rin tayong dahilan para sumuko. ^_^
ang ingay dito sa net shop, pero sa utak ko, i'm singing, "I will live to love You. I will live to bring You praise. I will live a child in awe of You."
i love God. He loves me more. ^_^

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

isang mabilis na post..

isang magandang araw. naglakad ako mula balara hanggang sa bldg namin. trapik kasi. while walking, tumingala ako at nasilayan ang magandang ulap. parang kelan lang ang dilim ng buong paligid dahil kay bagyong frank. i sighed. at nakipag-usap kay God. "Lord, i entrust to You everything. Ikaw na po ang bahala sa araw ko. Allow me to see the goodness and beauty of everything around me."

after my first class, i received a message from sidh. "You are never alone. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to You. (John14:18)"
nabasa daw niya sa poster na nakadikit sa window ng FX. at naalala niya ako kasi alam niyang mahilig ako sa mga ganun - random words of wisdom/encouragement.

ang galing lang kasi God really speaks to us everyday. we just have to listen.

tapos pagbaba ko sa chapel to say my morning prayer, napansin ko yung billboard. tagal ko ng nasa UP pero kanina ko lang nabasa yung nakasulat.
"The Lord is my light and salvation. Whom shall I fear? (Psalm 27:1) Experience the light. Read the Bible."

i was really amazed. at eto pa, after ko mag-pray, nakita ko yung Kerygma magazine, 1999 issue pa yun pero i asked permission from the guard if i could borrow it kasi may nakita akong article na sa palagay ko ay kelangan ko talagang mabasa. it says, "Why me, Lord?" i promise to share it after kong basahin.

yun lang po. God rules! ^_^

Four Reasons to be Courageous

this was the homily yesterday. ang ganda ng reflection sa Sambuhay. i just can't keep it to myself.

some words of wisdom from the priest:

On "the inconvenient truth": When you are inconvenient, God is telling you to change.

Love the treasures of heaven, not of the world.

Life is a matter of lessons to be learned.

and now, the reflection by Fr. Domie Guzman. (i got this from Sambuhay, 22 June 2008)

Gospel: Matthew 10:26-33 (Discipleship and its Cost)

Jesus' words identify two sources of fears for the disciples: bodily harm, and false accusations. Such fears can paralyze. Contemporary studies at the University of California show that people can have the same talents and opportunities. Some may succeed; others may fail because of uncontrolled fears and anxieties. Persons can have the same IQ, incomes, intellectual preparations, but the level of healthy self-confidence makes the big difference.

Jesus exhorts the disciples not to be overwhelmed with fears:

Verse 26: "Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed."

The word of God is powerful, and will always fulfill itself. It is only a matter of time. Truth always triumphs.

Verse 28: "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul."

Persecutions are truly present in the disciples' life. These persecutions should be a sure sign that the disciples are producing the friction necessary to bring the message to an unwilling world. J.P. Mahaffrey, a scholar from the Trinity College in Dublin says a real Christian should be one who is "offensively a Christian." A Christian lifestyle that makes no waves, and rocks no boats is lukewarm.

Verse 31: "You are worth more than sparrows."

These birds are insignificant, for they were worth half-coin each! Nevertheless, God is concerned with their "falling to the ground." The most common understanding of this passage is that it refers to the death of the sparrow. God is concerned about the death of something worth half-coin. However, it is argued that the expression better means "not a single sparrow lights upon the ground without your Father's consent." The innumerable times that the half-coin worth sparrow lights and takes on wings again attests to the constant love and care of God. Nothing happens by accident; all things - and all events - are present before God.

Verse 30: "Even all the hairs of your head are counted."

God is meticulous. He appreciates even small things; the sparrow... our hair. He counts all our hair! On the average: the blonde is said to have 145,000 strands; the dark haired 120,000, and the red-haired around 90,000 strands. All these grow at an average of 1 inch a month. The ultimate reason why we should not fear then is this: God is faithful, and He looks after each one of us.. to the smallest detail of our lives.

end of reflection.

the hardest thing to do is say bye bye..

i never knew i could hurt like this and everyday life goes on
i wish i could talk to you for a while
miss you but i try not to cry
as time goes by

i'm facing another challenge. yesterday, i collapsed on my way to school. pero hindi naman ako agaw eksena kasi kahit na maraming dumadaan sa petron sa katipunan, wala namang lumapit saken para tumulong. i guess dahil na rin sa rush hour tapos trapik pa so lahat ng tao nagmamadali. hindi naman ako nawalan ng malay, in fact, naitukod ko pa yung siko ko kaya hindi lumapat ang ulo ko sa matigas na semento. muntik na. hay. ewan ba, wala naman akong naapakang balat ng saging, whatever. hindi rin naman basa yung daan. basta lang nawalan ako ng lakas at naramdaman ko na lang na nasa semento na ako. parang may gong sa ulo ko pagbagsak ko. whew! akala ko wala lang pero mahapdi talaga yung siko at ankle ko. pagtingin ko, may sugat pala. hay. takot pa naman ako sa dugo. pero syempre tuloy pa rin ang araw. pag-uwi ko sa bahay, higa lang ako tapos tulog na hanggang gabi. ginising lang ako para kumain at uminom ng gamot. tapos tulog na uli. ang sakit ng buong katawan ko. at syempre terible yung ulo ko. hay. buti na lang wala akong pasok ngayon. sabi ni vhel baka raw dahil sa fibromyalgia ko. naisip ko rin yun. sa tingin ko kelangan ko na talaga magpatingin sa neuro. medyo nagiging mahiluhin kasi ako lately. feeling ko laging lumilindol. anyway, yung tungkol sa fibromyalgia, mababasa niyo rin dito. hindi kasi ako nakapag-online nitong mga nakaraang araw kaya hindi ko na-post.

ano nga palang kinalaman ng title sa content ng post kong ito? wala lang. narinig ko lang kanina yung song ni mariah. hehe. seriously, secret. haha.

anyway, i just wanna share some thoughts.

God's will is unquestionable. He knows our every need and He gives us what we deserve.

nagsimba kame ni alpha kahapon. sabi ni Father sa kanyang homily: "Prayer is a way of life. The strength of prayer does not depend on the one who prays but to Whom it is addressed. May your prayer be a committed prayer and may it be a prayer from the heart. Pray not to change God but to let God change you."

ang nice lang kasi sa lahat ng nangyayari sken ngayon, God still speaks to me. for the past two days, i've been reading The Book of Job. chapter 14 na ako. super nakaka-relate ako. read it and you'll be inspired too. in the first chapter, i have witnessed how Job has been faithful when he said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." in the second chapter, he said: "Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?" but in the third and succeeding chapters, napagod din siya at nagsimula ng magtanong at mabagabag. in the third chapter, he regrets his birth. sabi niya, "Why is light given to him who is in misery, and life to the bitter of soul..?..I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, for trouble comes." even Job almost gave up. nanghina rin siya. pero alam naman naten na in the end, God still blessed him and his family. naniniwala akong God knows best at hindi ko talaga pwedeng i-question yung will Niya. sabi ko nga kay jat, kakayanin ko 'to. sabi rin ni Arun Gogna, "I will serve the Lord till my last breath." ganun din ako. at alam ko basta si God ang kinapitan ko, magiging maayos din ang lahat. sabi ni ate glenda, "remain strong. stay in love with JC." i will. ^_^ hindi ko pa natatapos basahin yung buong book ni Job. share ko yung iba ko pang matututunan next time. basahin niyo rin if you have time. well, we should make time for Bible reading/study, right? ^_^

to end, let me share this thought which i learned during our upper household last Tuesday: [thanks ate jing. ^_^]

~The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.~

i trust in You, Lord. i always will. [06.20.08]

*****

i belong to the 2% of the general population.. [06.14.08]

i did a research on the recent diagnosis given by Doc Charms - fibromyalgia, and i found this very useful information from Wikipedia. here's the link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibromyalgia

if you're interested, check it out. you'll learn a lot.

in my case, medyo alarming lang kasi lahat ng sinabing symptoms and signs dun, nararamdaman/naeexperience ko. pero sabi naman hindi siya deadly e. so hindi ako kelangang mag-worry. i'm taking pregabalin (lyrica). after two weeks, balik daw ako.

*****

papa.. i love you.. [06.15.08]

happy father's day sa ating mga ama at sa lahat ng mga ama!

some thoughts lang.

"Listen to your father who begot you." [Proverbs 23:22]

"The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise child will delight in him." [Proverbs 23:24]

sabi sa isang card sa papemelroti: Father is another word for love.

and finally, ang food for thought sa Mel & Joey kanina: Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad. - Anne Geddes

*****

some thoughts to share.. [06.23.08]

obviously, hindi pa rin ako nakakapagnet kaya humahaba yung post ko. here are some of my learnings during the previous days.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in Me." [John 14:1] With God by our side, worry has no place in our hearts.

"God would not have chosen you if His heart could not love you. He would not have adopted you if His hand could not bless you." -nabasa ko 'to kanina habang nagliligpit ako ng mga gamit. ang ganda lang.

"Everything dies if you do not believe."­ [Peter Pan] -eto rin. naalala ko yung Kung Fu Panda: there is no special ingredient. you just have to believe. ^_^

"Kung sa tingin mo wala ka ng magagawa, magdasal ka. Dahil ang Diyos, may magagawa pa." [Cecille, Joaquin Bordado] -o diba, may aral din akong napulot mula dun? hehe.

"Ang pag-ibig kasi ay parang flush ng camera. Kahit handa ka na, bigla na lang itong sasabog sa harapan mo at pansamantala kang mabubulag nito." [Lovers in Prague] -astig 'to. wala lang. naglilipat lang ako ng channel tapos natapat sa QTV 11. yun nga yung palabas. tapos sakto, yun ang eksena. ang galing no? wala talagang aksidente. lahat may dahilan. ^_^

"Do you know that of the 72% water-composition of the Earth's surface: 97% is salty and unusable, 2% is tied up in icecaps, 0.5% is more than half mile below the surface. Meaning, only 0.5% is available for our freshwater needs. Don't waste it, please." -nabasa ko sa CR sa UP.

"Only the prayers of those with humble hearts will be heard by God." -homily 'to two weeks ago. ngayon ko lang na-share kasi ngayon ko lang uli nakita yung pinagsulatan ko nito.

lastly, here's a prayer given to us during a Girl Scout World Conference (i was part of the service team then, sa media ako. it was one of the best experiences i ever had.) last June 2002. tagal na no? i was going through some old stuffs kagabi hanggang kanina tapos yun nga, nakita ko 'to. it's a good prayer especially for workers.

Before Work

Father, may everything we do begin with Your inspiration and continue with Your saving help. Let our work always find its origin in You and through You reach completion.

Lord, pour out on us the spirit of understanding, truth, and peace. Help us to strive with all our hearts to know what is pleasing to You, and when we know Your will, make us determined to do it.

God, our Father, work is Your gift to us, a call to reach new heights by using our talents for the good of all. Guide us as we work and teach us to live in the spirit that has made us Your sons and daughters, in the love that has made us brothers and sisters. Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

and a quote: "I do the very best I can, I mean to keep going. If the end brings out all right, then what is said against me won't matter. If I'm wrong, ten angels swearing I was right won't make a difference."

"Do your best, that's all anyone can ask of you. Even yourself."

end of post. the homily yesterday deserves a separate post. ^_^ God bless everyone!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

where do broken hearts go?

wala lang. i was watching Startalk. they had an interview with Lorna Tolentino and that was the hanging question: where does Lorna go from here? hindi ko rin alam. all i know is that i will always pray for her and her children.

speaking of broken hearts, share ko lang yung thoughts ko kagabi before matulog: how could my already broken heart be broken again? i'm crushed and i'm tired. i've had more than enough. almost always, i receive "kisses of death" from the people i held close to my heart. and they kept me wondering, how could they say they admire me and that i inspire them and that i am a blessing to them, and yet they do things which they know would hurt me and cause me deep sorrow? how could you hurt someone special to you? i remember this song: how could an angel break my heart? i wish people would just be real at sana hindi na lang nila sinabi/sinasabi/sabihin saken na they see Jesus in me and that i inspire them kung sasaktan din naman pala nila ako. kiss of death e. and it's damn painful.

*****

Today's Gospel:

~Let your 'Yes' mean 'Yes,' and your 'No' mean 'No.' [Matthew 5:33-37]~

Are we willing to give our 'yes' to the Lord even if it entails a lot of sacrifices? Bishop Soc Villegas once said, "When you say YES to God, you have to say NO to sinfulness and worldliness." May we choose to live our lives for God and with God. Let us be His faithful army ready to do His will and win the battle for Him. "We say yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord... Amen."

-i sent this message to my distribution lists. unfortunately, may topak na naman ang Globe at ang hirap na namang magsend so hindi ko nasend sa lahat. kaya dito ko na lang ipopost. ^_^-

*****

tamang bonding with my batch. medyo na-late ako sa usapan kaya nagsuplado na si sidh. hehe. sorry batch! ^_^ nag-remit kame ng tithes at bumili ng id holders at Glory sa CFC Center. tapos punta kameng Megamall, bumili ng movie ticket, kumain sa Tokyo Tokyo, at nanood ng Kung Fu Panda. wohoo! ang saya. tawa kame ng tawa. basahin niyo na lang yung movie review ko para malaman niyo kung gaano ka-ganda ang Kung Fu Panda. ^_^

pag-uwi, dumaan kame sa Mercury para bumili ng gamot ko at ng pagkain niya. tapos sakay na sa bus. nakakatuwa nga kasi naman yung nasakyan naming bus papunta, yun din yung nasakyan namin pabalik. tapos ang palabas, yung libing ni Daboy. so after ng tawanan, iyakan naman kame ni sidh. hay. i swear, tumutulo talaga luha namin sa bus. kasi naman e. pero ayun, eventually bumaba na rin kame. this has been a great day. i know marami pang surprises. i've been blessed. and i won't stop counting the good things in my life. (i have to para hindi ko maisip yung mga hindi magagandang bagay. kelangang magpaka-manhid sa sakit. bawal akong ma-stress, remember.)

*****

sabi na may surprise pa e.. while i was here at the net cafe, dumating si kuya toto just to give me a very pleasant surprise. thanks kuya! God will bless you more! ^_^

*****

end of post. God bless people! ^_^

ang sakit ng dibdib ko.. [para saan pa ang sorry kung nasaktan na ako?]

i'm currently singing.. "I've finally found the reason for living.. it's in giving every part of my heart to Him.. in all that I do every word that I say.. I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him.. and we are the reason that He gave His life.. we are the reason that He suffered and died.. to a world that was lost He gave all He could give.. to show us the reason to live.. He is my reason to live.."

just some text messages..

~"I believe God would not give you the dream or the desire in your heart if He did not also give you the talent and abilities to make that dream come true."

~A true friend is like blood. It sustains life, yet it is not always visible. But it comes our everytime you are wounded. [this is such a sweet thought.]

~A true friend is someone who knows you're a good egg even if you're a little cracked.

~Loving is when you just want the best for that person whether it includes you or not. [sakto!]

~God enters by a private door into each individual. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

~Some lessons are best learned through pain. Sometimes our visions clear only after our eyes are washed with tears. Sometimes we are have to be broken so we can be whole again. [agree!]

~If you have enemies, good! That means you've stood up for something some time in your life.

~Often we stand at life's crossroads and view what we think is the end. But God has much bigger vision and He tells us, "Relax, it's just a bend, not the end."

~Trials in life are like washing machines. They twist us, spin us, and knock us around. But in the end, we come out cleaner, brighter, and better than before.

~Life's little instructions: Never tell a person who's experiencing deep sorrow, "I know how you feel," you don't. Never risk what you can't afford to lose. Once a year, go somewhere you've never been before. Remember that the formula for great love is communication + respect. When declaring your rights, don't forget your responsibilities. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of good luck.

~Trials exist not because God wants to test you. That's a lie. He already knows your capabilities more than you could imagine. Trials exist because you need to learn one thing: FAITH. [ang ganda nito. a different way to look at life's challenges.]

at higit sa lahat..

~Minsan, pinapayagan ni God na mahalin natin ang maling tao bago Niya ibigay ang tama. At pag nasaktan tayo at sawa ng magmahal, saka Niya ibibigay ang taong magtuturo sa atin na ang pagmamahal ay hindi sinusuko. [is that so?]

anyway.. gusto ko ng matulog. nakakapagod. magandang gabi. bukas ko na lang 'to ipopost. tamad na akong lumabas e.

Never Give Up - Josh Bates

Time after time You’ve been left behind
like the sun when it’s starting to rain
Time after time You’ve been forgotten
like a picture that’s faded with age
Time after time You ran after me
when I was still running away

Chorus:
You never give up on me
No, You never give up on me
Though I’m weak you are strong
You told me I still belong
No, you never, never give up on me

Time after time I’ve used Your grace
as a way to do what I please
I’ve taken for granted prayers that You answered
never been all I could be
You are holding out Your hands
and now I clearly see

Chorus

You always erase all my mistakes
You lift me up when I'm down

Through all the ages, Your love never changes
You welcome me just as I am
[these are my favorite lines]

Chorus

never give up, never give up on me...

*****

God is always there. He is always present. And He loves us so much (no matter how unworthy we are).

at dahil ang hirap magsend sa globe, dito ko na lang ipopost yung message na dapat isesend ko sa distribution lists ko.

~I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. [Psalm 27:13]~

this verse reminded me to put my hope in the Lord. because He is my only hope.

*I put my hope in You Lord, all my life I will trust in You.*

God bless everyone! Love deeply. Live fully. I am single in God's heart. [ito ang welcome message sa phone ko. ^_^]

getting to know me..

recently, may mga hindi magandang pangyayari sa buhay ko. but i realized one thing: it's true that a woman's instinct never fails. hindi lang ako basta tamang hinala. ilang beses ko ng napatunayan na tama ang mga "hinala" ko. malakas talaga ang pakiramdam ng mga babae. girls, agree kayo diba? hehe.

anyway, what's with the title? wala lang. i decided to search for my true identity. haha. umm, not that i do not know myself, gusto ko lang tingnan yung other side ko, yung bad side ko specifically.

ako yung tipong totoo, hindi mapagpanggap. what you see is what you get. kaya pag ayaw ko sayo, ayaw ko sayo. kaya siguro minsan iniisip ng iba na suplada ako. hindi naman sa ganun. hindi lang talaga ako plastik na tao. you could ask, bakit ko naman aayawan ang isang tao? well, isang dahilan lang naman e, pag nawalan ako ng tiwala. ang tiwala kasi parang salamin, pag nabasag, hindi na mabubuo pa. kahit pa lagyan ng epoxy o kahit anong pandikit, nandun pa rin yung lamat. sorry pero, ganun ako e. hindi ako marunong magtago ng nararamdaman. sabi nila magaling daw akong magtago ng sakit ko kasi smile pa rin ako kahit na in pain. yung mga ganung bagay kaya kong gawin pero yung magpaka-plastik sa isang tao, yun ang hindi ko kaya.

pag umiyak ako, ibig sabihin nun, hindi ko na kaya. sasabog na yung dibdib ko. pero natutunan ko ng hindi umiyak sa harap ng maraming tao. may tatlong lugar lang akong pinupuntahan pag hindi ko na mapigilan yung luha ko: sa banyo, sa kwarto, sa simbahan/adoration chapel.

ayoko ring pag-usapan ang mga bagay na alam kong makakasakit sa akin. hello naman diba? hahayaan ko bang masaktan ako? syempre hindi. pero nasasaktan pa rin ako. syempre hindi naman ako manhid e, kung pwede lang sana.

yun lang naman yung not-so-good side of me. i'm sorry pero ganun ako. you could say whatever you want. narinig ko na yung pinakamasakit na pwede kong marinig. naisip ko nga, ok lang na nasasaktan ako, sanay naman ako e. ano pa bang hindi ko naramdaman? kinaya ko dati. kakayanin ko rin ngayon. God is the strength of my heart. sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, ok lang yan aiza, parte ng buhay yan. iiyak mo lang. matatapos din yan. and remember, God is close to the broken hearted. ^_^

friday the 13th pala ngayon no? wala lang. share ko yung lyrics ng Babae Ako, one of my recently favorite songs.

Babae Ako [Urduja Theme Song]
Babae ako
Ano bang dapat kong gampanan
Sa daigdig na ating ginagalawan
Ang hangganan ko ba'y hanggang saan

Babae ako
Ako ba'y mayro'ng kapangyarihan
O ako'y isa lamang na bukal
Na pagkukunan ng pagmamahal

Nais kong lumipad na may sariling bagwis
Nais kong marating pangarap nang mabilis
Nais kong manguna sa mga maya
Para makita ang bagong umaga
Ngunit kailan pa
Gusto ko na
Ngayon na

May galit ako
Ngunit pag-asa'y nasa puso ko
Bukas ang hamog makikita mo
Hihigupin niya ang paru-paro..
Ang paru-paro

Nais kong lumipad na may sariling bagwis
Nais kong marating pangarap nang mabilis
Nais kong manguna sa mga maya
Para makita ang bagong umaga
Ngunit kailan pa
Gusto ko na
Ngayon na

Thursday, June 12, 2008

bawal tumawid dito..

ilang bagay lang na napansin ko sa aking mga biyahe ngayong araw na ito...

nabasa ko sa isang spare parts and accessories shop sa banawe: Brand New Japan Surplus. napaisip lang ako. meron bang brand new na surplus? kawindang diba? anyway...

masaya at challenging ang naging simula ng araw ko. may experiment agad sa lab. kelangang mapailaw namin yung LED at hindi lang basta ilaw. dapat mag-blink ito. ok naman yung naging groupmates ko. sina jeo at kenneth. at nagawa naman namin. yahoo!

naglakad kame ni jenny, nasalubong si alpha, at nagdecide kumain sa Lutong Bahay. ang sarap ng ulam ko - hawaiian daw ang tawag dun. pork siya na may pineapple. sulit ang P45. paglabas namin, tinawag ako ni dan. so tambay muna ako with him. konting kwento tapos naglakad na uli kame. bumalik siyang engg at ako naman tumuloy sa chapel para magsimba.

eto yung homily: ayon daw kay winston churchill, "if we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we will lose the future." ang sabi ni Father Jojo, we have to make use of our learnings from the past to make our present lives better. and having better lives today will eventually lead us to an even better future. hindi yun exactly yung sinabi niya pero that's how i understood it.

after the mass, nag-net ako to get the notes for tomorrow's lecture. tapos punta na sa banawe for therapy. ang tagal grabe. may evaluation thing pa. tapos checkup. wala yung doctor ko talaga kaya si doc charm ang tumingin sken. sabi niya may fibro-something daw ako. di ko talaga mapronounce yung second part pero basta ganun. chronic daw yung pain ko. discontinue/hold muna yung therapy. medication daw muna. may binigay siyang gamot at gel. after two weeks, balik ako uli for checkup. pero pag may hindi raw ako magandang naramdaman, balik ako agad.

pag-uwi ko sa bahay, pahinga lang konti tapos punta naman sa riverside para sa HLT. host ang chapter namin at kailangan kame as service team. nakasabay ko pa sa jeep si batch ko. ayun. ok naman. kumanta lang ako tapos umuwi na rin. kasabay ko si kuya don. sa ilalim ng overpass sa lifehomes, biglang tumigil ang jeep na sinasakyan namin. may tumawid kasing blue boys at TPMO personnel. ayos. sa mismong tinawiran nila, may nakalagay na malaking babala: Bawal tumawid dito. galing no? mismong nagpapatupad ng batas ang lumalabag dito. hay disiplina naman po.

lastly, sa isang area sa EEE, may nakasulat: Studies show that noise can make learning difficult for kids. So kids? BEHAVE.

now there's a group of girls there na sobrang ingay. i was hoping na mabasa nila yung nakapost na yun. and they did. kaya lang, kamusta naman ang reaction? one said: "i'm not a kid anymore.. so i'll be noisy." tapos sagot nung isa, "i'm a kid but i don't wanna learn."

ito na ang wakas. hanggang sa susunod. magandang alon! ^_^

gabi ng 06.11.08

*****

morning. 06.12.08 [happy 110th independence day (nga ba?)]

isang napakagandang araw. ang daming message agad ni God, start pa lang ng day. on my way to school, nabasa ko sa jeep na sinasakyan ko, "Jesus is my provider." tapos after my first class, sumakay ako ng ikot jeep to SC. may nakita akong van na may sticker din sa likod. "God never change." ang nice diba? God speaks everywhere talaga. we just have to open our eyes and allow Him to reveal to us His message.

*****

current song in my mind: NONE BUT JESUS - Hillsong United

In the quiet, in the stillness

I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

may God be praised!

bawal tumawid dito..

ilang bagay lang na napansin ko sa aking mga biyahe ngayong araw na ito...

nabasa ko sa isang spare parts and accessories shop sa banawe: Brand New Japan Surplus. napaisip lang ako. meron bang brand new na surplus? kawindang diba? anyway...

masaya at challenging ang naging simula ng araw ko. may experiment agad sa lab. kelangang mapailaw namin yung LED at hindi lang basta ilaw. dapat mag-blink ito. ok naman yung naging groupmates ko. sina jeo at kenneth. at nagawa naman namin. yahoo!

naglakad kame ni jenny, nasalubong si alpha, at nagdecide kumain sa Lutong Bahay. ang sarap ng ulam ko - hawaiian daw ang tawag dun. pork siya na may pineapple. sulit ang P45. paglabas namin, tinawag ako ni dan. so tambay muna ako with him. konting kwento tapos naglakad na uli kame. bumalik siyang engg at ako naman tumuloy sa chapel para magsimba.

eto yung homily: ayon daw kay winston churchill, "if we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we will lose the future." ang sabi ni Father Jojo, we have to make use of our learnings from the past to make our present lives better. and having better lives today will eventually lead us to an even better future. hindi yun exactly yung sinabi niya pero that's how i understood it.

after the mass, nag-net ako to get the notes for tomorrow's lecture. tapos punta na sa banawe for therapy. ang tagal grabe. may evaluation thing pa. tapos checkup. wala yung doctor ko talaga kaya si doc charm ang tumingin sken. sabi niya may fibro-something daw ako. di ko talaga mapronounce yung second part pero basta ganun. chronic daw yung pain ko. discontinue/hold muna yung therapy. medication daw muna. may binigay siyang gamot at gel. after two weeks, balik ako uli for checkup. pero pag may hindi raw ako magandang naramdaman, balik ako agad.

pag-uwi ko sa bahay, pahinga lang konti tapos punta naman sa riverside para sa HLT. host ang chapter namin at kailangan kame as service team. nakasabay ko pa sa jeep si batch ko. ayun. ok naman. kumanta lang ako tapos umuwi na rin. kasabay ko si kuya don. sa ilalim ng overpass sa lifehomes, biglang tumigil ang jeep na sinasakyan namin. may tumawid kasing blue boys at TPMO personnel. ayos. sa mismong tinawiran nila, may nakalagay na malaking babala: Bawal tumawid dito. galing no? mismong nagpapatupad ng batas ang lumalabag dito. hay disiplina naman po.

lastly, sa isang area sa EEE, may nakasulat: Studies show that noise can make learning difficult for kids. So kids? BEHAVE.

now there's a group of girls there na sobrang ingay. i was hoping na mabasa nila yung nakapost na yun. and they did. kaya lang, kamusta naman ang reaction? one said: "i'm not a kid anymore.. so i'll be noisy." tapos sagot nung isa, "i'm a kid but i don't wanna learn."

ito na ang wakas. hanggang sa susunod. magandang alon! ^_^

gabi ng 06.11.08

*****

morning. 06.12.08 [happy 110th independence day (nga ba?)]

isang napakagandang araw. ang daming message agad ni God, start pa lang ng day. on my way to school, nabasa ko sa jeep na sinasakyan ko, "Jesus is my provider." tapos after my first class, sumakay ako ng ikot jeep to SC. may nakita akong van na may sticker din sa likod. "God never change." ang nice diba? God speaks everywhere talaga. we just have to open our eyes and allow Him to reveal to us His message.

*****

current song in my mind: NONE BUT JESUS - Hillsong United

In the quiet, in the stillness

I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

may God be praised!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

the perfect song..

Till I See You - Hillsong United

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that calls the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

[this song made me cry. really. it says everything i wanna say.]

no stress..

bawal daw akong ma-stress..

*i lost my first ILC pin. (the very important pin)

*forever akong naghintay sa toki and just when i decided to walk, sunod sunod naman silang dumating. at syempre hindi ko na sila nahabol kaya naglakad na lang talaga ako.

*UP = University of Pila. napakahabang pila sa cashier. pila sa coop. pila sa engglib2.

pero blessed pa rin ako. at syempre happy pa rin.

*wala akong exam on July 25/26/27. in short, pwedeng pwede akong sumama sa MMC. last year kasi nag-reg ako pero di ako nakasama dahil sa exam. pero ngayon, go na talaga! yehey! ^_^

*he texted just to tell me na naalala niya ako at mag-ingat ako lagi. ayyiiiiee.. haha.. hulaan niyo na lang kung sino yun..

*uuwi na ako at makakapagpahinga na! yun ang pinakamasayang part! hehe.

~Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.~ [nabasa ko sa isang keychain. ^_^]

God-centered day! God centered-life. ^_^

Sunday, June 08, 2008

poems for my Father

I've written so many letters
composed a number of poems
but none of those were offered
to the One who deserved them all

How fool of me to keep wanting
something I thought was lacking
when all I need is You, my Lord
everything I needed was You

I have found my One true love
I have found my peace
I have found You, Jesus
now my life is complete

I have grown in love with the One
the One who would never hurt me
I have found my comfort in the Father's warm embrace
in my heart, nothing and no one could ever take Your place

You, oh Lord, have loved me with an everlasting love
You sent my brother Jesus to set us free as the dove
And so I thank You Father and I offer this hymn to You
for You are the music in me and I give my all to You

Be glorified Your highness
You deserve all the praises
I will love You throughout eternity
I will live and die for Your glory

*****

Love Song for Daddy

How sweet are Your words to my taste
Sweeter than honey to my mouth
How warm is Your tender and loving embrace
Better than anything, comforting without a doubt

You, my Lord, mean everything to me
I love You today and for all eternity
You have sent Your Son to set me free
Right beside You is where I always long to be

How beautiful my life is
With you I am at peace
You are my God, my Creator
You are all that I adore

Your love is perfect, Your mercy and grace everlasting
I love You Father and forever I will sing for You, for Your glory


You are my life
You are my hope
You are my One true love

All that I am and all that I have, I surrender to You, Father
My life is Yours, take it and use it for Your glory
Reign in my heart now and throughout eternity

*****

i wrote these poems last month. ginagawan pa ng music ni daddy. pagpray niyo na malagyan namin ng magandang tono. ^_^

answers come when you cease to ask.. (lessons from Rudy's death)

sabi ni Doraemon, "ang talagang makakapagpasaya sa atin ay yung taong naging dahilan kung bakit tayo nalungkot."

hindi ko alam kung may kinalaman ba yung sinabi na yun ni Doraemon sa magiging laman ng post kong ito.

ngayon, isang mahalagang tao ang pumanaw - si Rudy Fernandez na mas kilala sa tawag na 'Daboy'.

whew! hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan. ang sakit. hindi ko man sila kamag-anak pero ramdam ko ang dalamhati ng mga naiwan niya. kung ako nga na isang hamak na manonood lamang, ganun na lang ang iyak at lungkot, paano pa kaya sila?

why am i so affected? well, i'm one of the many people who have been praying for him and his family. since i heard of his condition, he has always been in my prayers. i don't know him personally, hindi ko pa siya nakikita nang personal, but he has touched my life in ways i never imagined. this man had a great impact on me. and i am deeply saddened by this unexpected moment - his untimely death. i admire him for being such a brave man. and i admire Lorna even more for her limitless, unconditional love for her husband. ibang klase siyang babae, the kind of woman i would like to become. despite the so many challenges that they faced in line with Rudy's sickness, she remained strong, calm, and positive. pinili niyang maging matatag. sabi ni Manay Lolit Solis, sa banyo lang daw umiiyak si Lorna dahil ayaw niyang makita ni Rudy na nahihirapan siya. syempre nga naman, manghihina at madedepress din si Daboy pag nakita niyang umiiyak si Lorna. ganun din kame dati nung nagkasakit si Papa. ganun din kame nung si Mama naman ang nagkasakit. at ganun din ako sa mga panahong gusto ko ng sumuko. Rudy Fernandez has inspired me a lot - his life, his family, and the way he handled his condition. some reflections lang. it's nice to know that there are certain people who are willing to and will really stay with you until your last breath. sa case ni Daboy, Sen. Jinggoy was there. na-late ng 5 minutes si Sen. Bong pero dumating din siya. Daboy had three best friends who have been with him since day 1 - Sen. Jinggoy, Sen. Bong, and Philip Salvador. naisip ko lang, sken kaya, sino-sino yung makakasama ko sa huling hininga ko? bilib ako sa friendship nilang apat. wala akong masabi. now i'm asking myself, who would be the three people who would be with me until the end? maliban kay mama, kay papa, at kay arnold? hmm.. my daughters? their dad? i don't know. i am happy for Daboy and for Lorna for having true friends who have been present to support and comfort them. i heard from Butch Francisco that one of Lorna's best friends came straight from Canada. nakakatuwang malaman na may mga taong ganun, yung talagang hindi ka iiwan sa ere. hay. sa buhay kasi natin ngayon, swerte ng makahanap ka ng isang taong kayang itaya ang sarili niyang buhay para sayo. lam niyo yun, we're living in a very competitive world, matira ang matibay, survival of the fittest ang drama. kaya ang hirap ding magtiwala, hindi mo alam kung sino talaga yung maaasahan mo. kaya mas mabuti pang wag nang umasa at lumaban na lang mag-isa. kung may darating na tulong, mabuti, kung wala naman, ayos lang din. pero sa case nina Daboy at LT, ang laban nila ay naging laban na rin ng maraming taong nagmamahal at sumusuporta sa kanila. at dahil dun, masaya ako para sa kanila.

bilib din ako sa tibay ng pagmamahalan ng mag-asawang Fernandez. perfect example sila of a couple who has been true to their promise to stay together in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, til death do they part. iba! astig! i salute them. and LT, she's one example of an excellent wife, as described in Proverbs 12:4 (An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.). she has shown a different kind of strength. i pray na maging inspirasyon din sila sa maraming couples ngayon. na ang tunay na pagmamahal, walang time limit, walang expiration date, walang condition. na kahit ano pang mangyari, mananatili kayong nasa tabi ng isa't isa. hindi dahil sa responsibilidad niyo yun, kundi dahil yun ang sinumpaan niyo. vows are not just words, along with the words comes commitment, and please, don't ever promise anything kung hindi niyo pa alam ang ibig sabihin ng salitang commitment, at kung hindi pa kayo ready. i believe this song perfectly suits Daboy and Lorna's love story and i hope mine too.. someday.. pangako hindi kita iiwan.. pangako 'di ko pababayaan.. pangako hindi ka na mag-iisa.. pangakong magmula ngayo'y tayong dalawa ang magkasama..

lastly, i watched Butch Francisco's interview with Merle Fernandez, Daboy's older sister. more than grief, more than sadness, she's feeling hatred/anger. sabi niya nakakagalit daw yung sinasabi ng mga taong, "kalooban ito ng Diyos" (this is God's will). sabi rin niya, parang hindi raw Christian ang pananalita niya pero yun ang kanyang sentimiento, hindi kalooban ng Diyos ang pagkawala ni Rudy. and personally, i understand her. i know the feeling. i've lost a lot of my loved ones already - 2 brothers, my dearest lolo, uncles, aunts, lolas and several family friends. at ilang ulit ko na ring natanong kung will nga ba ni Lord ang mga bagay-bagay. but you know what, i have come to realize that indeed, God does not waste a hurt. and really, everything happens for a reason. masakit kung sa masakit. lalo na kung mahal mo sa buhay ang nawala. pero in time, maiintindihan din naten lahat. we could ask, kailan ba nagiging kalooban ng Diyos ang pagkawala ng isang mabuting tao? tayo lang din ang makakasagot niyan. kay Daboy, isipin na lang naten na kapiling na niya ang Diyos, at hindi na siya mahihirapan pa. matagal na raw niyang sinasabing masakit at napapagod na siya. ngayon, we can be sure that he's no longer in pain. makakapagpahinga na siya. may isa lang akong napansin sa mga sinabi ni Ms. Merle. nabanggit kasi niya na si Rudy daw ang sentro ng buhay niya at kay Rudy umiikot ang mundo niya. i remember what Arun Gogna said in his book Happy Secrets to an Obedient Life, God gave us the first commandment, that is to have no other gods besides Him, because He loves us so much. i would like to quote: The Lord wants to be above everyone and everything in our lives because whatever happens, come hail or high water, tsunami or earthquake, He'll never leave us or forsake us. We will never be alone... we make God our top priority and the absolute center of our lives. All the other persons, things and aspects of our beings have to take their rightful places around Him. When He's the center, everything else falls into their perfect place. naalala ko lang. pero hindi ko rin masisi si Ms. Merle na ganun na lang ang hinanakit niya. kahit naman ako e. that's how it is when you're in deep pain and when you do not expect the things that happen. pinagdaanan ko na rin yan. just last year i lost someone i loved deeply, someone i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with. yun nga lang, pinili niyang magmahal ng iba. it was something i did not expect and i must admit, i was never prepared for it. ang dami ko ring tanong nun pero yun nga, little by little ni-reveal naman ni God kung bakit e. syempre eto namang si satan, pilit binabaluktot ang tama at pilit akong sinasaktan. pero he'll never win.

enough of me. this isn't supposed to be about me. anyway, again, my condolences to the Fernandez family. i'll continue to pray for Daboy, LT, and their family and friends.

"Mama, I love you." these were Rudy's last words for his wife. such sweet words that LT would definitely treasure for the rest of her life. with that, i end this post.

Mr. Rudy Fernandez, my prayers are with you. Go peacefully.

06.07.08
20:28

love is a many splendored thing. hehe.

June, 2008, Tuesday

i'm thinking of kuya don while writing this post. haha. yun kasi lagi niyang kinakanta kapag trip niyang mang-issue. tsaka isa pa pala, "ang pag-ibig ay sadyang ganyan". haha. minsan nakakainis na nakakaasar. minsan naman, wala na akong magawa kundi tumawa na lang. remember, bawal stress. hehe.

anyway, ang post na ito ay maglalaman lang ng maraming love quotes galing kay jobert. pasaway na bata. ang galing ng timing. kung kelan pinaglalaruan ng devil ang emotions ko, dun naman siya send ng send ng mga quote na panama. haha. peace. ok lang yun, hindi naman niya alam na drama mode ako ngayon e. drama mode daw? bakit ba kasi? wala lang. ewan. eto yung naka-save sa phone ko kahapon. "today is a not-so-happy day. i don't know. i'm a bit sad, lonely, and just anything but happy. satan is working overtime to put me in misery. but God is working not just double time but triple time. i found joy looking at the children playing at the Jolly Kiddie Land. at least i still managed a good laugh. ^_^"

by the way, happy news lang, my brother passed the exams and the interviews. kaya naman makakapag-aral na siya this sem sa Monark. thank you sa mga nagdasal! si mama at ako naman po ang ipagdasal niyo. health problems pa rin. we're getting better naman each day. God is our Divine Healer. ^_^

and now, the quotes...

~Anyone can love a rose but it takes a great deal to love a leaf: it is ordinary to love the marvelous, but it is marvelous to love the ordinary.~ [ang nice nito. ^_^]

~Love is somehow making choices. It's either choosing happiness for others' pain or choosing pain for others' happiness.~ [i choose pain. martir ako e. haha. wala lang. i've been in too much pain already, ayokong maranasan ng iba yung naranasan ko. i just want to be a blessing, not a curse to anyone.]

~People always think that the most painful thing is losing the one you love in your life. The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, forgetting that you are special too. Maybe this is the true meaning of love, being contented on the kind of love someone can offer you and offering him/her the best you can give. Selfless. Unconditional. Foolish.~ [yeah.]

~I hate forcing myself to let go of a person that I want in my life. It's the only thing that makes sense. But at the same time, it's the same thing that complicates me. I know I am better off without that person, yet I fill empty whenever I try to let go. So now I ask: is emptiness better than pain?~ [c'mon! hay. no comment. gusto ko sanang dumaldal pero baka emotions ang maghari at hindi reason/logic e. mahirap na. hehe.]

~When you truly love someone, you're going to fight for what you believe is right. It doesn't matter if the world told you it's wrong. Because if you really love each other, you don't need the world, you just need each other.~ [parang may kulang ata. nasan si God? isn't He supposed to be the center of our lives? i think it should be, you don't need the world, you need God. ^_^]

~Love is complex, it can hurt, it can be great. But never ask anyone to define love. Because love was never meant to be explained, it's supposed to be felt.~ [korek!]

~Don't love the person that you think is right. Instead, love the person that you see is true. It's easy to think what is right than to see what is true. Love is not blind, it sees but it doesn't mind.~ [agree. kasi we always give the person we love the so-called "second chance/benefit of the doubt", thinking that maybe, he will change for the better. so kahit nakikita na nating mali, go pa rin, maybe someday he'll learn his lesson naman. unfortunately, hindi ganun lagi.]

~In love, you have to expect absence at some point. But that doesn't mean it's the end; all you have to do is wait for a time. Give the person space because true love is proven when a person has seen the best people in the world but still turns back to where you are, reaches for your hand, and chooses you above the world's best.~ [i don't buy it. palusot! haha. =p]

~The ironic thing is that, the more you center your life on someone, the more unattractive you become to that person.~ [maybe. kaya nga dapat lang na si God ang center ng mga buhay natin. because we will always be special and big in God's eyes. hindi Siya nagsasawa sten! ^_^]

~Love is like drinking beer: Once you have too much of it, you begin to act stupid. Love moderately.~ [i like this one. ^_^]

~Too bad.. love doesn't have a "best before" seal. It would be of help to people if they know when it would expire.~ [ganun?! parang tinapay lang ah? kelan pa naging pagkain ang love?]

and some more...

~The quality of your life depends on how you love the things you do, how you do the things you love, and how you love the one who loves you.~

~You can't predict what's gonna happen. But sometimes, the thing you don't expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe, the best thing to do is to stop trying to figure out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at.~ [yeah, maybe. but you still need to set a goal. diba? wala lang. para may masabi lang. haha.]

~Laughter is not always the best medicine. Sometimes, it is just the best disguise.~ [well.]

~Do you know what happens when you hurt people? They may begin to love you less and begin to forget that they loved you once.~ [hala. lagot kayo! haha. wag na kasing manakit. be a blessing. ^_^]

~Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place. [Abigail Van Buren]~ [i agree.]

~Silence is better than hurtful words, but then, silence won't solve anything either.~ [hmm...]

~Don't expect anything in return. Don't expect your efforts to be appreciated, your ideas to be discovered, and your love to be understood. Because expecting is one way of hurting yourself.~ [may punto siya dun. tama!]

~Love is anterior to life, posterior to death, initial of creation, and the exponent of earth. [Emily Dickinson]~

~One sad irony of self is that we always know what's right for others while there are certain wrong things we pursue on our own.~

~If I love myself despite my infinite faults, how can I hate anyone at the glimpse of a few faults?~

~The purpose of friendship is not to have someone who might complete you, but to have someone whom you might share your incompleteness with.~

~It's not about being who everyone else wants you to be. It's about being yourself and finding someone who loves every bit of it.~