yesterday was the celebration of my tita ana's birthday. one of her friends wasn't able to come because she cannot leave the aged man she's taking care of. umalis daw kasi si ate niya at sa kanya iniwan si kuya. sa totoo lang, medyo hindi na nga tama yung ginagawa ng pamilya ng matanda sa kanya. the wife and their only daughter live as if sila na lang ang miyembro ng pamilya. sa kasambahay na nila inasa lahat ng dapat sila ang gumagawa. matagal ng gustong umalis ni ate L dahil napapagod na rin siya at gusto naman din niyang bigyan ng panahon ang sarili niya. pero hindi niya magawang iwan si kuya dahil naaawa siya. at dahil napamahal na rin sa kanya yung matanda. itinuring na nga niyang ama. masakit lang sa kanya dahil hindi man lang daw niya nagawa sa tatay niya yung mga ginagawa niya ngayon sa amo niya na hindi man lang niya kamag-anak. anong meron sa kwento ni ate L? well, medyo ganun din ang kwento ko. sa dami ng pinagdaanan ko sa community kung saan ako nabibilang, kung tutuusin, marami na akong dahilan para umalis. sa dami ng luhang naiyak ko na, dapat matagal na rin akong sumuko. sa dami ng sakit na naramdaman ko, dapat hindi na ako nagmamahal. i could have escaped life itself. i could have acted badly. i could have revenged against people who have hurt me. but i chose to fight, to go on with my life, to forgive, to be as kind as i could, to do good things as often as i can, and to just cry when i can no longer bear the pain. pinili kong manatili. pinili kong mabuhay. all for one reason: God! He never gave up on me. I, too, will never ever give up on loving and serving Him.
this morning, i had a meeting with my thesis adviser. after that, i decided to attend mass at the UP chapel. the celebrant was Father Jojo, one of my favorites because of his brief, but substantial homilies. today's Gospel: When Jesus saw a crowd around Him, He gave orders to cross to the other side. A scribe approached and said to him, "Teacher, I will follow You wherever you go." Jesus answered him, "Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest His head." Another of His disciples said to Him, "Lord, let me go first and bury my father." But Jesus answered him, "Follow Me, and let the dead bury their dead." [Matthew 8:18-22]
the homily focused on the underlined verse. according to Father Jojo, what the disciple meant was this: I will follow You Lord but I will first finish my responsibilities. to me, it's like, "yes Lord, I will serve You, but not yet now. I still have a lot to do." ilang beses na ba nating nasabi yun? at ilang beses na rin nating narinig yun? sa dami ng na-invite namin sa CLP, maraming nagsabing wala silang time. nakakalungkot lang na nawawalan tayo ng oras para sa Panginoon. sabi ni mars, master daw ako sa time management dahil bukod sa acads, adik din ako sa service, tapos dati may lovelife pa rin ako. hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko nagagawa lahat ng dapat kong gawin. i do cram. natatambakan din ako. pero natatapos ko naman. wala nga lang tulugan. hehe. actually ngayon, nawiwindang na ako kung paano ko hahatiin yung oras ko sa dami ng responsibilities ko sa school, sa service/church, sa family ko, sa sarili ko, at kay God (apart from service). pero kanina, after kong malaman yung mga dapat kong gawin, i simply told God, "Lord, be my planner." by the way, hindi pa po 'to yung homily. hehe. thoughts ko lang 'to. eto na yung homily: sabi ni Father, we tend to procrastinate. we don't seize the moment. mahilig tayo sa "next time/sandali lang/mamaya na lang." i believe true yun sa lahat ng aspects ng life naten. kasi marami na rin akong nasayang na pagkakataon just because i was waiting for the "perfect moment." ilang beses na ba akong hindi nakatulog dahil sa hindi ko lang nasabi o nagawa yung isang bagay na gusto kong sabihin o gawin. i claim that i'm living and loving the moment, but i admit, not to the fullest yet. may hesitations pa rin ako. especially when it comes to telling people how i feel. last night, on our way home, he asked me, "ano nga pala yung sasabihin mo sken?" my reply was, "hindi tama yung setting para pag-usapan e." and he told me, "wala namang perpektong pagkakataon e." at eto ngayon, yun din yung message ng Gospel. SEIZE EVERY MOMENT. kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa? nauubos din ang bukas.
every little thing is a gift from God, time included. how we manage our gifts is our way of showing God that we're grateful and that we're good stewards of what is entrusted to us. we only live once. let's not waste even a second of our precious lives. whew! sana magawa ko 'to - not to miss the little things. ^_^
this week, i will be busy, as always. hehe. exam + experiment + presentation + chapter assembly + fellowship + household. kaya ko 'to! God is my planner. sabi nga sa Facing the Giants, just do your best for God and leave the results to Him.
life is now or never. let's choose to live it NOW! ^_^
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