i deserve God's best

checked my email tonight and was able to read Kuya Ryan's post about the online workshop registration for this year's MMC. i clicked on the link which led me to the SFC Global site. i browsed through the articles with no intention but to just browse. but everything happens for a reason, and in every little thing, God speaks. and tonight, He spoke to me through the article posted by Ate Kate Deiparine, written by Dolly Macam.

God spoke to me powerfully in this paragraph:
"Let us not settle for relationships that hurt more than heal; careers that makes us miserable; friendships that alienate us from God and our families; habits that lead us closer to death’s door than to the purposeful life God meant for us; pursuits that benefit no one but ourselves; and lives that are not patterned after God’s wonderful plan!"

after everything that i've been through in the last few weeks, there's no place i'd rather be than home (where my true family is), no person i'd rather be with than mama, papa, arnold, and a few true friends, and no other love i'd rather feel than God's unwavering, unconditional, and everlasting love, the kind of love which demands nothing, that which does not root from just a need, love, in its truest sense.

truly, i deserve nothing but the best, nothing but God's best. why would i settle for less?

i am a woman. i am not just some THING. i was made by God to love and be loved.

days ago, i received this message: "kapag pinapakita mo na kaya mo tanggapin lahat, mas lalo ka nilang sasaktan kasi iniisip nila na kaya mo naman dahil strong ka."

i am strong, but i am not emotionless, no matter how hard i wish i am.
i am strong, but i am not insensitive as others are (i know many of them).
i am strong, but that doesn't mean you can hurt me endlessly.

i am strong, that's why i'm moving forward with no intention to look back. i can't turn back time. if only toni braxton had found a way to unbreak a heart, uncry the tears, and undo the hurts, i would ask her to teach me how. but i guess she hasn't yet. i just don't think it's possible. but what i know is it's possible to have a future way way different from what WAS and IS. and i am determined to have that. and i am starting NOW.

today is the last day of my life (coincidentally also the last of the month), and the first day of my BETTER LIFE.

God made me realize everything little by little. everyday, something happens. His message came in the form of quotes, verses, situations, people, stress, frustrations, and even hurts and pains.

and today, May 31, my parents' 23rd wedding anniversary, God sent me not one, not two, but three life-changing messages:

1. Be with people who know your worth. You don't need too many people to be happy. Just a few real ones who appreciate you for who you are.

2. Sometimes, you have to fight for something to make everything alright. You give your best and you give your all, yet you still lose. But if ever you get tired, tell Jesus, He'll take the fight and win it all for you.

3. You deserve God's best.

thanks to Annie, Mhalen, Shezha, Marshee, and Kuya Ryan who allowed themselves to be my angels today.

and to Ate Eden, for checking on me. (at least somebody cared. okay, i was wrong when i told She that i feel like nobody cares and nobody ever did care. there's somebody - there's Ate Eden and of course there's THEM ^_^)

and to THEM - my family (mama, papa, arnold). they're among God's best.

Kuya Ryan's blog post for today is entitled, "The Best May 31 Ever". i thought it was the opposite for me, but with all the realizations, with everything that God has revealed to me, i would say that today is one of the best days of my life.

two words: surrender and trust.

with that, i'm saying farewell to May and hello to June with high hopes of seeing the bright sunshine after the dark night and the heavy rain. ^_^

good night Philippines! ^_^

P.S.
just want to say this: the greatest commandment is to LOVE, not to USE. Love people, not things. Use things, not people.