things i want to say..

after two long years, nakabalik uli ako sa dagat! and yes, i super missed it!

out of town trips have always been an escape for me, escape from the chaotic city, escape from tons of work i need to do, and most of all, escape from people (who, most of the time, hurt me with the things they do and say and the things they DON'T do and DON'T say).

yesterday, i had that much awaited "break" (sabi ni ate aike, i deserve it daw, do i really?) dahil hindi naman payag ang family ko na hindi ako sumama sa company outing nina papa. oo nga naman, noon lang kasi uli kame makakapag-bond as a family. at maganda pa yung lugar (Nasugbu, Batangas) kaya hindi na ako nakatanggi pang sumama. walang tulog. (assembly rin kasi the other night - friday). sa biyahe na lang ako nagnakaw ng tulog. pero pagdating ng tagaytay, gising na gising na uli ako. bukod sa napakalamig, ayoko ring pumikit kasi gusto kong makita yung napakagandang scenery. country girl talaga kasi ako. kaya naman super enjoy ako sa mga nakikita kong taniman ng pinya, palayan, bundok, ilog, mga bahay, at kung ano-ano pa na sa probinsya ko lang nakikita. habang nasa byahe, bigla kong naisip, "I WILL LIVE HERE." hindi talaga "I WANT TO LIVE HERE", "I WILL" kasi someday, magkakaroon talaga ako ng bahay sa tagaytay. haha. ambisyosa no? hehe. bakit ba, sabi nga, DREAM BIG. wala namang imposible e. :D
pagdating namin sa venue, ang sarap sa pakiramdam. very therapeutic ang dagat. hay. 2 years din akong hindi nakapunta sa beach. puro pool lang. at ang huling dagat na napuntahan ko e sa Batangas din, sa Lemery naman (kasama ang SFC chapter ko, after ng Lord's Day ng batch nina Cat. at yun yung time na muntik na akong malunod. haha. tandang-tanda ko pa. at hindi ko makakalimutan yun!).

picture. kain. langoy. picture. kain uli. ligo. TULOG. around 7am kami dumating sa beach. by 830, tulog na kame ni arnold. at nagising kame, 12nn na, lunch na. after nun, tulog uli. hindi obvious na puyat kame no? hehe. naenjoy naman namin ang dagat kaya sulit din naman. :)

at dahil medyo nakabawi na kame ng tulog, sa daan pauwi, todo abang na kame sa mga tanawin. todo picture. kahit ano na lang makita sa daan. hehe. paglampas ng tagaytay, tulog na uli. :D
masaya kasi nakasama ko ang family ko. malungkot kasi, parang may kulang. o baka nga hindi kulang, baka sobra. sobrang daming iniisip na gagawin, sobrang daming responsibilities. pero hindi yun burden for me, i'm too blessed to be stressed. :)

at dahil somehow nagiging time for reflection ko rin ang mga byahe, may nagawa akong nonsense na senting ewan habang nasa bus pabalik ng manila. ano yun? eto:

dear

lately i've been thinking
i even have had sleepless nights
i wonder how
i wonder why

still i don't have answers
but i trust that someday i'll know
and until that one day comes
i'll be hanging, waiting, hoping...
and best of all,
still loving, enduring, growing.

how could you?
how could i?
how could we?

have you ever?
will you ever?

how can i?
why do i?
why can't i?
will i ever?

until when?
what else?
how much?

do you?
i do.

one word: sorry.
two words: thank you.
three words: i love/hate you (whichever you like).

diba nonsense? just as this blog post. nonsense.

parang ang lungkot ko no? sabi ni jb kanina, "ate, bakit parang wala ka sa mood?" hindi ko rin alam e. wala nga ba ako sa mood? hindi naman siguro.

let's just say na sa mga panahong ito, marami akong iniisip na mga bagay. mga bagay na dapat talagang pag-isipan. gaya ng, "ano kayang masarap na merienda?" hehe. joke lang. :D

marami lang talaga akong nakuhang input since friday. kaya naman nasa stage pa lang ako ng "digestion". at habang hindi pa naabsorb ng sistema ko lahat ng sustansiya ng mga pangyayaring yun, siguro nga, "wala muna ako sa mood".

pero hindi ko naman hahayaang madamay ang kung sino mang magbabasa nito sa "kawalan ko sa mood" (tama ba ang tagalog ko? hehe.). at sa totoo lang, hindi talaga dapat ito ang laman ng blog ko. i mean, hindi na dapat kasama yung mga kadramahang nauna ko ng natype. kaso lang, wala e, natype ko na. hehe.

bakit ba kasi ako nasa mood mag-blog? may gagawin pa akong final paper, at sobrang loaded ng week ko. pwede naman akong matulog na lang muna. o di kaya gumawa na ng mga dapat gawin. why blog?

wala. gusto ko lang. :D sabi ko nga kanina nasa process ako ng digestion. at alam kong malaking tulong ang magagawa ng pagsusulat ng thoughts para mas maintindihan ko ang mga bagay-bagay. :)

at isa sa mga gusto kong i-grasp ay ang homily ni Monsi kanina. (by the way, Palm Sunday po ngayon).

the most striking statement that he said is: accept the pain. go through it. because it is going through the pain that you go beyond it. sabi pa niya, nagiging painful lang daw ang mga bagay-bagay kasi we resist them. pero kung hahayaan natin ang mga sarili nating maramdaman yung sakit, in time, mawawala na rin yung pain. oo nga naman. hanggat hindi naten tinatanggap yung sakit, mananatili siyang sakit. if we'll just ignore it and act as if we're not hurting, lalo lang tayong mahihirapan. at yun nga, hindi naman mawawala yung sakit nun. maaari tayong maging manhid for a while, pero hindi magtatagal, kukulitin din tayo ng pain na hindi naten na-address. imagine if Jesus resisted suffering and death, ano na kayang nangyari? mahirap kung sa mahirap, at na-witness din naten yung agony Niya sa Garden of Gethsemane. kung Siya lang ang masusunod, ayaw Niya rin sana. pero sabi nga Niya, not His will, but the Father's be done. and even sa cross, He questioned God, "why have You abandoned me?". but it didn't end there. His last words were "Father, into Your hands, I commend/commit my Spirit." a clear profession of trust. just the same, we are challenged to endure and go through the pain, and trust that God will give us the strength to go beyond and claim victory over whatever suffering life has to offer. sakto yung blog title and desciption ko sa blogger, "sweet sorrows.. because pain is essential to maturity.." and yes, i am in pain. and i love it. because it keeps me alive. :D and for the nth time, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

so endure the pain. go through it. just a warning: don't let it kill you. don't go through it alone. vaya con Dios. go with God. :)

have a meaningful, prayerful, and fruitful Holy Week everyone! ^_^

P.S.
just one last. share ko lang din yung talk ni Tito Chito kagabi sa CLP. kahit na pagod galing Batangas, pumunta pa rin ako sa CLP, simply because God told me to do so. :)

Talk 4: Repentance and Faith

Repentance and faith go together. The Lord has done His part, we must do our share, that is, to repent and have faith.

Repentance must come with change (turning your back away from those things that are not pleasing to God and living a new life). Repentance is not based on feelings. It's a deliberate decision. Change not because of the consequences of our actions. We must hate sin itself and not just the consequence of it.

How to Repent?
1. Be honest. Admit that you have sinned.
2. Exercise humility.
3. Renounce sin.
4. Ask for God's forgiveness.

for me, yung most striking part ng talk ay yung story about a painter who made a portray of Jesus knocking on a door (based sa Revelations 3:20). during an exhibit, maraming nakapansin sa painting na yun. and from the crowd, someone commented that something was wrong with the painting. wala raw kasing doorknob yung pinto kung saan kumakatok si Jesus. so nag-usap-usap na yung mga tao, hanggang sa dumating yung painter. the people told him what they thought was wrong with his work. the painter explained, "there's nothing wrong with the painting. indeed, you can't see the doorknob, because it's on the other side. the door can only be opened from the inside."

true enough, Jesus cannot open the door of our hearts. all He can do is knock. He has done His part, it's time for us to do ours. let's open the door of our hearts and our lives, and let Him in.

again, a blessed Holy Week to everyone.

sorry, i've said too much again.

last na P.S. na talaga. hehe. nakita ko kasi 'tong message from marshee. can't help but share.. ewan, nakaka-relate kasi siguro ako..

"at the end of the day , you either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together."

end of the very long post. ^_^