before i start writing about the many things God has been telling me since Sunday, let me share the following lines from the movie "Bulletproof Monk". it's a good one, i believe.
*Every man's life concerns every other man, especially if he is on the noble path to true enlightenment.
*Knowing others means you are wise. But knowing yourself means you are enlightened.
*But rich manure can fertilize fields which will feed millions. (I love this line. This was the monk's reply to Jade when she told him that Kar is no good because he's just a piece of shit. ^_^)
*It is not about anger. It's about peace. It's not about power. It's about grace. It's not about knowing your enemy, it's all about knowing yourself. (True enough.)
*The best place to hide is the last place they would expect. (Talk about the ironies in life. "Your best friend is your worst enemy," and so on.)
*Life doesn't always work according to plan, so be happy with what you have. Because you can always get a hotdog. (This is Kar's answer to the monk's question about why hotdogs come in packs of 10's while hotdog buns come in packs of 8's only. Wise. ^_^)
done with the movie. and now the longer part of this post. ^_^
during the past two days, God and I had been busy talking to each other. i had the most intimate conversation with Him on Sunday evening. that night, He revealed to me His will. but before i get to that, i'll first share last Sunday's Gospel: The Ascension of Jesus. Shy shared a good homily which she heard at the anticipated mass in Sto. Domingo. it was about the importance of baptism. "We need to evangelize through words and actions. Do we see Christ in us? Are we living up to that baptism? Kaya ba nating ipagtanggol si God?" think about it. what's your answer? mine? well, God already knows it. ^_^
another good homily, which i personally heard, was about power. power is usually defined as "the capacity to command" but Jesus enables us to see power on a new perspective. His life showed us two kinds of power: power from Satan, and power from God. recall the temptation of Jesus as narrated in Matthew 4:1-11. focus on verses 8-9. Again, the devil took Him up on an exceedingly high mountain, and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to Him, "All these things i will give You if You will fall down and worship me."
power from satan is conditional, temporary, and leads to slavery. power from God is the exact opposite. consider this: if Jesus had accepted the power from the devil, He would have been put under satan's command. yes, He's powerful, but He's still under satan. but He did otherwise. He chose to be faithful to the Father, obeyed His will, and offered His life to fulfill God's plan. and what's the result of that? freedom. indeed, Jesus went through a lot of sufferings but He emerged victorious over sin, and even over death. and He was able to do that because of the power that came from God. during His ascension, He passed on that power to His disciples. He gave them the "go" signal to spread the good news to everyone and assured them that He will be with them until the end of time. the priest gave another example to illustrate his point better, but i would like to share my own interpretation of the homily. i just came up with the following realization: in this world, and in our lives, there are also two kinds of power, the bad one, and the good one. similarly, the "bad power" enslaves us, while the "good power" frees us.
example: money. they say that the root of all evil is money, but i don't believe in that. money can be good or bad, depending on how we acquired it and how we utilize it. again, opinion ko lang po 'to ha? ^_^ pero siguro naman you'll agree when i say that money is powerful. talaga naman diba? at siguro naman aware din tayo sa mga hindi magagandang naidudulot ng pera lalo na kapag naabuso ang paggamit nito. paano ko nasabing money, as bad power, can enslave us? simple lang. because of the pleasure and luxury that money is able to provide us with, little by little, we become dependent to it that we'll do anything just to have it, kahit pa mali. halimbawa na lang ay ang maraming taong gumagawa ng hindi maganda para lang magkapera. nagiging alipin na sila ng kasalanan pero wala silang magawa kasi yun lang ang nagbibigay sa kanila ng kapangyarihan - upang mabuhay, mabili ang mga bagay na gusto nila. nakakalungkot dahil pinili nilang magpaalipin sa pera upang mabuhay nang marangya sa isang mundong lilipas din naman. of course there are those who will argue that i'm not going through the same situation and i don't know any better pero eto lang yun e, hindi lang naman mga mahihirap ang tinutukoy ko, pati na rin yung mga mayayamang hindi pa rin nakukuntento sa kung anong meron sila. mga corrupt, mandaraya, etc. sa kabilang banda, paano ko naman nasabing money, as good power, can free us? simple lang din. freedom from poverty, sickness, debts.
isang example palang yun. i'm sure marami pa kayong maiisip na iba. and i leave that to you. ^_^
and now, the most important part of this post. hehe. cenxa na, masyadong maraming commercial bago yung 'main event' ika nga. haha. anyway, eto na yun. like i said, Sunday was the big night. during my prayer time, i just thanked the Lord for everything that He has done in my life, the people, the events, just everything. i thanked Him for my recent realizations, and for the so many lessons that i've learned lately. and then came the point when i got the answer to a question i dared not ask Him but kept me wondering for quite some time. like what i told shy and mama, i feel that i'm in a state of rebellion now. i'd rather not talk about it in detail but i'll give you a little background. hehe. ayoko raw pag-usapan diba? basta. hehe. well, ako kasi yung tipong sobrang mapagmahal, sobrang thoughtful. sabi nga niya, mahal ko raw ang mundo. siguro nga. i value every relationship that i have - family, friends, community, etc. sabi ko nga, when i say "i love you" i mean "i'll love you always". ganun ako. sobrang devoted. sobrang committed. [kaya sobra rin kung masaktan. oops. bawal pag-usapan yun. hehe. moving on. =p] i don't expect anything in return sa lahat ng ginagawa ko pero human as i am, i still long for attention, i long to be cared for, to be loved. and when i don't feel that i'm being loved back by the people i hold dearest to my heart, i am deeply hurt. siguro naman it makes sense di ba? kung hindi, well, sorry na lang but that's how i think. sabi ko nga thoughts ko lang 'to. peace. ^_^ so anong connection? ang dami ko ng nasabi pero bakit ko nga ba sinabi lahat ng yun? kasi po... hay.. ang hirap magkwento.. wag na lang kaya.. hehe.. pang-asar. basta yun, medyo nagrerebelde ako ngayon kasi some people have failed me. let's say na i got disappointed with how they reacted to the present situation that i'm in. i guess i expected too much from them also. tapos, hindi nila na-meet yung expectations ko. hanggang dun lang ang pwede kong sabihin. i may get too emotional pag tinuloy ko pa. and God reminded me, "Anak, di ba you live by a certain set of principles? And among those principles is to never let emotions get in the way. Control, my dear. You might say things you'll regret. Tame your tongue." ang galing. ang sweet talaga ni Lord. He's always with me. eto nga sumingit pa Siya while i'm typing. [thank You Lord for never leaving me]. so there, isa yun sa mga struggle ko lately, aside from my health. pero the good thing is, past na yun. hehe. kasi nga nung Sunday, naging malinaw na sken lahat. and i thank God because He didn't let me suffer for too long. sabi ko nga sa last post ko, He told me na masyado na akong nasaktan at hindi Niya will yun. His will is for me to be happy because He loves me so much. anyway, here's my conversation with God. i believe mas madali if i present it in a dialogue form. [i'll omit some parts ha? baka madulas ako e. hehe. syempre during my conversation with God, sobrang specific at detailed ng pinag-usapan namin. but i can't do that here. again, some things are better left unsaid. may mga bagay kasi na ako lang at si God ang dapat makaalam. ^_^]
Aiza: Lord, i'm so sorry. i know alam Niyo po kung anong nararamdaman ko ngayon. i'm in a state of rebellion. alam ko, it's wrong for me to feel this way. pero hindi ko po maiwasang masaktan. i know You understand Lord. hindi ko dapat maramdaman 'to, pero sorry po because i do. and i pray for Your grace para po ma-overcome ko 'to. i just pray Lord na i-guide Niyo po lahat ng decisions ko. and help me to do what is right at all times.
God: Anak, it's okay for you to feel that way. But you have to ask yourself, bakit mo ba nararamdaman yan? Kasi you feel that you're no longer special para sa kanila? Nasasaktan ka kasi hindi mo maramdaman yung care at concern na pinapakita mo sa kanila. Pero anak, tanong lang, una sa lahat, bakit ka ba nandyan? is it about you or about Me. you say that it's about Me. but ask yourself again, Ako nga ba ang dahilan?
at that moment, i feel embarassed. sobrang nahiya ako sa sarili ko. at sobrang nahiya ako kay God.
Aiza: God, You really are a great God. i am unworthy. i'm sorry it took me so long to realize this. i've been self-centered.. again. naturo Mo na 'to sken before, maraming beses na. pero eto ako, nasasaktan na naman nang dahil na rin sa pagiging makasarili ko. Lord, sobrang salamat for making me realize that EVERYTHING IS, AND SHOULD BE ABOUT YOU. You alone are God. ang galing Lord, lahat talaga nagwowork according sa plano Mo. i want to be holy, and that's exactly what you're making me. this is part of the process. i am being purified. and so, lahat ng mali sa buhay ko, dapat lang itama.
God: That's it, my dear. You're learning your lesson.
Aiza: Yes Lord. and through Your grace, alam ko pong matatandaan ko na 'to. sarili ko lang din ang pinahihirapan ko sa ginagawa ko. pero Lord, salamat kasi hindi Ka napapagod turuan at paalalahanan ako. it is Your will na mag-isa ako para mas ma-recognize ko yung presence Mo. tama lang din naman, i should detach myself from the world and everything in it. ang galing po talaga, yun din yung sinabi ko sa previous blog ko, and yun nga talaga yung dapat kong gawin. salamat po kasi You're there para alalayan ako. You are enough Lord, there is nothing i shall want. i should not rely on people. i just have to trust You. salamat po. Lord, sana lagi tayong ganito. sana lagi ko po Kayong makausap nang ganito ka-intimate. because i love talking to You Lord. i'm learning a lot.
God: Anak, lagi naman Akong nandito. Hinihintay lang kita. ^_^
hay. it's so nice to relive that moment. i wish i could share exactly how i felt pero it's better na kayo mismo maka-experience nun. it's never boring to talk to God. try nyo, hindi kayo magsisisi. ^_^
hindi pa 'to yung buong conversation, pero i hope na kahit paano may napulot kayo. so whatever it is that you're going through right now, and you find it hard to comprehend why certain things happen, don't ask God, talk to Him. because He will let you find the answers on your own. ibabalik din Niya yung tanong sa inyo at kayo lang din ang makakasagot nun. tapos, magugulat na lang kayo kasi everything will make perfect sense. that's how wise our God is. at alam ko, once you've established a relationship with God, you'll find joy, peace, and love that nothing or no one in this world could ever give.
by the way, before i forget, nung Sunday rin, shy asked me if she could give my number to her cousin, for me to extend my territory, like in the prayer of jabez. pero more than that, God used shy to remind me of the message that 1 Chronicles 4:10 has. here it is: And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" So God granted him what he requested. focus on the underlined line, that's also my prayer. it's enough that i've suffered. ayokong maging dahilan para masaktan ang iba. may pagka-martir talaga ako e. hehe. pero kasi minsan, hindi ko rin sinasadyang makasakit kaya naman ang prayer ko is for God to keep me from doing something harmful to others. i want to be a blessing, not a curse. ^_^
[more lessons...]
5 May, Monday
happy birthday victor! ^_^
text message: while waiting for my doctor, i decided to read God's word and here's His comforting message: "I have told you this so that you might have peace in Me. In the world, you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world." -John 16:33-
amidst the many trials that we face, we're able to find peace and rest in the loving embrace of God. let's continue to walk with faith. God is with us. *He who anchors his life with God will surely reach his destination with peace.*
i composed the above message at the de los santos medical center. late kasi dumating si doctor mario. buti na lang dala ko yung In His Steps. ^_^
also, while waiting for him, i was deeply touched by a certain family. full force kasi sila. natutuwa lang akong makita sila na sumusuporta at umaalalay sa father nila. mama and i are able to talk to them. and we learned that their father has end-stage colon cancer. 12 silang magkakapatid at lahat sila, nagsiuwian para lang makita nang buhay ang tatay nila. sobrang na-move talaga ako kasi naalala ko si lolo. 12 din sina mama pero ni isa sa kanila, wala nung namatay lolo ko. hindi man lang kami nakauwi nung buhay pa siya. ang lungkot lang. pero yun nga, happy ako para kay tatay kasi alam kong masaya siya. bilang isang magulang, yun na siguro ang tanging kaligayahan niya, makita nang sama-sama ang mga anak niya. i was inspired by how bonded their family was. i always say that i have an almost perfect family kasi grabe rin yung bonding namin, pero 4 lang kame. sila, 14. i mean, ilan na bang pamilya ang nawasak diba? at ilang anak na rin ang nakalimot? reality yun. kaya naman sobrang nakakatuwa kapag nakakakita ako ng isang pamilyang buo at sama-sama, lalo na yung isang pamilyang binubuo ng maraming miyembro. since monday, i've been praying for them. na sana hanggang sa pinakadulong henerasyon ng lahi nila, madala nila yung ganung closeness at bonding. at sana maka-inspire pa sila ng maraming pamilya. how good the world will be if all the families are bonded by love, united by faith, and inseparable even by distance.
[evening came and i am about to sleep]
nelson asked me: what is spiritual freedom?
here's my reply: it is something that can be achieved only by God's grace. he who has spiritual freedom has been freed from the bondage of sin. it allows you to live in peace because God is in you already. it's living with the guidance of the Spirit. "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
at syempre po, definition ko lang yan. i may be wrong, i may be right. ^_^
6 May, Tuesday
happy birthday jb, ate eden, and mico! ^_^
hindi ako halos makabangon. sobrang pagod nung monday dahil buong araw ako sa ospital, sa de los santos at sa orthopedic. sinusumpong din ako ng teribleng headache at matinding stomach pain. pero kinaya ko. sa tulong na rin ng Bible. truly, God's word is my daily bread - the bread of life. ^_^
"But none of these things move me; nor do i count my life dear to myself, so that i may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which i received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." -Paul, Acts 20:24-
Paul inspired me today. Like him, may we be able to be faithful soldiers, part of God's army who will testify to His love and will bring the good news of salvation to everyone. Let's continue to fight for our God and win the world for Him. Life is worth living if we're living it all for the Lord. ^_^
7 May, Wednesday
happy birthday ate michelle and jhing! ^_^
therapy again. today, i smiled, laughed, was happy, and was touched for the following reasons (and i thank God for these little moments):
*shy's message: Let's be His children eager to know what ther pasalubong of their Father is. (talk about God's surprises. nice no? shy is such a blessing to me. she hasn't failed to inspire every single day since we first met.)
*e.g.: kakulitan ko siya habang nasa biyahe. nakalimutan daw niyang baliktarin ang utak niya kaya hindi niya na-realize na bago dumating ng quiapo, dadaan muna lawton. hehe.
*binoy's picture message: "calling... Jesus" i'll send that picmsg sa lahat ng globe subscriber sa phonebook ko.. hehe.. globe lang talaga.. =D (eto yung dapat na message ko kaya lang hindi enough yung space e, 60 characters lang ang allowed: when you have no light to guide you and no one to walk beside you, call on Jesus, and He will come to you. the line to heaven is the only line that is always open and available. no network problems, just fast and reliable communication. God is waiting for us. have a good conversation with Him. ^_^)
*jollibee's kiddie crew: sobrang cute nila. wala lang. nakakatuwa lang. sa jollibee banawe sila, sana meron din sa iba. they are rich kids who are being trained to see the world beyond the four walls of their grand houses. ang nice lang kasi bata palang sila, natututo na sila makisama sa mga taong hindi naman nila kilala. parang nido commercial, they get dirty, but at least, they learn. ^_^
*isang cute na batang lalaki na bumati sken sa jollibee (sa banawe rin): umakyat ako para mag-cr. tapos nung nakita niya ako sa hagdan, sabi niya, "hello" sabay ngiti. ang cute, sobra. he's about two years old. ^_^
*ojie: the new intern na humawak sken kanina. he's from ust at mega-asaran talaga kame kasi nalaman niyang up ako. hehe. panakot niya sken yung kuryente, siya kasi may control e. kaya lang badtrip daw siya kasi.. hehe.. tama bang ikwento? basta yun.
*crix, shy, thothon, boi, mel, alvin: they cared to ask kung kamusta na ako. ^_^
everyday has its blessings waiting to be acknowledged. life is beautiful. let's appreciate it. be thankful even for the little things.
8 May, Thursday
happy birthday nap and allen! ^_^
today, God talked to me through the following verses:
1. Luke 5:31-32. Jesus answered and said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance."
[i read the whole chapter but these verses touched me the most.]
2. Luke 6:27-36. "But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful."
[here's my (and shy's) understanding of the above verses: the challenge is for us to love the unlovable. simple lang pero mahirap gawin.]
3. Luke 6:46-49. "But why do call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and not do the things which I say? Whoever comes to Me, and hears My sayings and does them, I will show you whom he is like: He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great."
[we were given the standards of living, yung standard ni God. we cannot say that we're following Him and that we love Him if we're not living by His word. Hindi enough na alam naten ang salita ng Diyos, dapat nabubuhay tayo according to His word.]
and now... the text messages... [i got some really good ones] ^_^*Friendship between women: A woman didn't come home one night, told husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Husband called 10 of her friends, but all said: "No, she wasn't here."
Friendship between men: A man didn't come home one night, told wife he had slept at a buddy's place. Wife called 10 of his friends, 8 of them confirmed he had slept over and 2 even claimed he was still there.
Now which one is better? I prefer the first one. At least, totoo. I mean, how could I ever trust a liar? no offense guys ha? tingin ko kasi kaya niyo lang pinagtatakpan ang isa't isa e para pag kayo naman ang may ginawang kalokohan, mapagtatakpan din kayo. got my point? lam niyo yun, 'returning the favor'. but then again, every bad deed stinks, lalabas din naman yung totoo some other time. and most probably, things will just get complicated. wala lang, what's the point of telling a lie when you can simply tell the truth? and another thing, i do believe that a white lie is still a lie. yun lang. peace. ^_^
*Pretending to be happy when you're in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person... still making that simple smile when every part of you dies.
good thing i don't need to pretend.. because i am truly happy.. and i have found peace. ^_^
*Twenty years from now, it won't matter how you did on an evaluation exam or how good you were in school. No one will care how many pairs of shoes you had. It won't matter if you missed a day in school or what you got on your graduation day. Your highest score on a quiz won't be traced. It won't matter if your uniform was messy or if your projects weren't the best. But if you made life a little better even for just one person, that'll be remembered and that'll truly matter.
enough said. shy, thank you for this message. (at sa susunod.) mwah! ^_^
*What is maturity?
-It's the ability to control anger and settle differences.
-The willingness to pass up immediate pleasure for long term gain.
-The ability to sweat out a project or situation inspite of setbacks.
-The capacity to face frustation, discomfort, and defeat without complaint.
-Being big enough to say "I was wrong."
maturity doesn't come with age. minsan, maturity diminishes as age increases. hehe. no offense uli. i like this particular message kasi i was able to measure my level of maturity. i realized that i'm getting more mature with every trial that i face. i know i'll never stop learning. and i'll never stop improving. every day is an opportunity to get better, and i'm maximizing that opportunity. ^_^
that's all for now. saket na likod ko e. hehe.
God bless everyone!
~*For as long as I shall live, I will testify to love.*~
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