please don't worry 'bout me i'm fine. only gonna play the fool one time. trust me when i say that i'll be okay. ^_^

before i start my long day, let me blog first.. hehe.. i just hope it won't take me that long, because i swear, i have so many things to do.. fine.. i'll start..

first of all, let me share the things i've learned last Sunday.. it was the first time na nabitin ako sa sermon ni Monsi.. before its so hard for me to appreciate and enjoy his sermon because i find it too technical.. but last Sunday was different.. the sermon, however long, was really good and full of substance..

but i would like to focus on his revelation about Jude Iscariot. when we speak of Judas, we often refer to him as a traitor, the betrayer of Jesus. but unfortunately, he was never a traitor. he did not betray Jesus, in fact, he was the one who was betrayed. the correct term, according to Monsi, is "hand-over", not "betray". this was the real story: Judas was not satisfied with the ways of Jesus. he expected Him to be a political leader.. but it never happened.. so he handed Jesus over to the Jews hoping that together, they would come up with a plan to get rid of the Romans.. he never thought of killing Jesus.. all he knew was that the Jews would talk to Him.. that's the reason why when he saw Jesus being persecuted, he went to the leaders and gave them back the pieces of silver that he has received.. but he could do nothing anymore.. he was betrayed by the leaders.. they just used him to get Jesus and kill Him.. because Judas was so devastated and was full of guilt, he committed suicide.. he could not accept the fact that he was instrumental to the suffering and death of his beloved friend and Master.. that's the truth..

Judas is not and was never a traitor.. in fact, in Monsi's words, 'he could be one of us'.. he got disappointed because what he expected did not happen.. so he tried to make his own effort to change things.. but it just didn't work out.. what he did simply worsen the situation.. in simplest terms, he just made a bad decision.. but he wasn't bad..

just like us.. human as we are, we sometimes make wrong decisions while hoping to get the results we wanted.. when things seem so hard to handle and when we don't get what we think we deserved, we lose faith.. we doubt.. and we try to do things on our own.. thinking we can get them right.. but we end up in misery.. because the 'sad' truth is, we can never make it on our own.. without God..

therefore, it is wrong to regard Judas as the bad one, the villain in the story of Jesus.. because sometimes, we are just like him..

next thing i'd like to share is the topic of our discussion during our last household meeting..

let me begin with the story of the unhappy king...

Once upon a time there was a king who had everything the world had to offer - all that money could buy, plus absolute power over his people. But despite all the money and power and prestige he possessed, he had a major problem: He was not happy. And so he summoned the wisest of wise men in all his kingdom and asked them to provide him with a solution to his problem. "I want to be happy," he said. "I command you to tell me how to achieve happiness."

After consulting with one another, the wisest of all the wise men in the kingdom came up with a solution to the king's problem. "You must find a truly happy man in your kingdom, take his shirt from him and wear it yourself. Then, you too will be happy."

So the king dispatched his elite horsemen to every corner of the kingdom in search of a truly happy man, and eventually, they found one. The trouble was, he didn't own a shirt.

now the question is: have you found the shirt?

during the upper household, i answered yes, but it was sleeveless. but last Sunday, i changed my reply. have i found the shirt? with confidence, i said yes. i have found the shirt.

what made me change my mind? just my notion of happiness.. the way i define happiness then is totally different from the way i define it now.. before, what i had in mind was that i'd never be completely happy until i get everything i want.. yes i am happy with what i have.. but the things that i don't have yet and the those that i have lost make me sad and disappointed.. that was before.. yes friends, nakakahiya man, pero that's how i think before.. you may think that i am a very appreciative person.. i am.. but i choose what to appreciate.. and really, i feel so bad when i lose something or someone.. or i simply don't get what i want.. but then again, i'd like to clarify that i never competed and will never compete with anyone.. i just keep those frustrations to myself.. and the only person i talk to about them is God.. i ask Him a lot of questions.. things like, "why can't i have it? why did i lose him? i did everything.. blah blah.." but i would like to reiterate, that was before.

this is how i think now: everything is a blessing from God. and everything can make me happy. because happiness is a choice. and happiness comes not in big surprises, not in huge boxes of achievements and recognitions, not in success, not in having an ideal mate, not in having everything that this world can offer (consider the king in the story.. he had everything but happiness). happiness comes in the little things that truly matter. happiness is contentment and contentment is happiness. (by the way people, this is just MY own notion of happiness. you can agree or disagree with me. this is my blog and everything that i post here is personal. everything is based on MY thoughts and MY emotions. wala lang. just to clear things up so that i won't be misunderstood.. i'm not trying to change how you think.. i'm simply speaking MY mind. ^_^ peace!) i am a failure. i am sick. i won't graduate yet. i don't have that much money. i am often misunderstood. i am often thought of as a kid. i am sometimes judged wrongly by people. i am told of negative things. i am single. but I AM HAPPY! ^_^

sincerely, i am happy and i see life as a wonderful gift from God.. there is nothing more i want.. there is nothing more i need.. God is enough.. i am satisfied for i have found my peace!

for those who haven't found the shirt yet, i assure you, time will come when God will reveal Himself to you.. just continue to seek Him.. the moment you find God is the moment you will find genuine happiness and peace.

Remember this: only God can complete us. only God can satisfy us. in Him alone can we find peace. seek God. for God is everything. and finding God is finding a treasure beyond the richest treasures that this world can offer. ^_^

let me end with this song. this is my song. and i hope it will be your song too..

**NEED**

I am grateful for the cross

my source of strength in my life's cause

I will embrace it everyday

Grace me to live day by day

You Lord, are all that I need

with all my mind and my deed

with You my life is complete

in Your love, in Your hands I'll live

I am hopeful for the future

Looking to You I am secure

You are my King, my Master

my Lord

reign in my heart forevermore

You Lord, are all that I need

with all my mind and my deed

with You my life is complete

in Your love, in Your hands I'll live

***God bless everyone!***