if the heart is always searching, can you ever find a home? [Lenten Reflections]

-yes, in God's heart and in the hearts of the people who truly care.. ^_^

19 March 2008

today, i'd like to thank these people: sistah (cat), alvin, crix, wewe, zharina, chai, and analyn banan.. you're my angels.. thank you! *hug*

by the way, eat bulaga's lenten presentation was very touching.. i watched "ang mga anak ng maestro" and i was really moved.. i think all of us can relate to mr. moises (the maestro) because all of us have led others at some point in our lives.. and what is a better measurement for success than to see the improvement in the lives of the people you've touched? truly, happiness and success are measured not in awards, not in money, not in fame, but in the lives of others to whom you have been a blessing..

may this Holy week be a time for us to reflect, examine our conscience, and ask ourselves, what good thing have i done for my neighbor today? how have i been an instrument of God's love? have i done something wrong? have i hurt someone? things like that.. i hope we'll all have a meaningful Holy week.. let's be blessed and more importantly, let's be a blessing to one another.. *power hug* especially to those who need it. ^_^

thank you also to the music ministry.. mom, dad, jat, sidh, allan, eugene, kuya rhed, kuya rap, eric, razel, sheryl, rhoan at kasama na rin si kuya toto.. sobrang nag-enjoy ako sa kainan at kantahan.. sa birthday ko rin ganun ha? hehe.. tagal pa yun..

**happy birthday jat!**

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20 March 2008

today is Maundy Thursday.. and i learned from Monsi that 'maundy' came from the Latin word 'mandatum' meaning 'commandment'.. and true enough, as we remember the Last Supper, we are also given a new commandment.. John 13:34-35 says, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My dicsiples, if you have love for one another." And this is also the theme of the CFC community for this year.. i was moved by the homily given by Monsi.. according to Him, if we would just follow the commandment that Jesus gave us, there would be no suffering, no pain, no hunger.. if we would truly care for our neighbor, there would be heaven here on Earth.. unfortunately, most of us are insensitive of the needs of others.. we don't even bother to listen to them.. the Lenten season is the perfect time for us to do these three important things: prayer, fasting, and alms-giving.. these focus on others.. not on ourselves.. when we pray, we pray for the people who have no one to pray for them.. when we fast, we remember the people who don't have anything to eat.. we share in their misery.. and when we give, we share the blessings that God has given us to our less fortunate brothers and sisters.. loving is giving.. and giving is loving.. let's not be selfish.. let's not focus only on our needs.. we are asked to love.. and to give ourselves to others.. in the same way that Jesus loved us and has given His life for our salvation..

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21 March 2008

i stayed at home today.. i wasn't able to go to the Church and participate in any of the activities because i am sick and couldn't find the strength to get up.. yesterday, i just attended the mass with mama and arnold and helped a bit in the business of our chapter.. hindi ako nakasama sa Alay Lakad, which i do every year.. nakakalungkot pero ganun talaga e.. hindi ko pwedeng pilitin ang katawan ko.. yun nga, after the mass, tumulong na lang ako sa lugawan business ng brothers na kasama sa household ni kuya toto.. pero hindi rin ako nagtagal kasi nilalamig na ako at medyo gabi na rin.. when i got home, natulog na ako.. i woke up at around 1230 kasi ang init at ang bigat ng ulo ko.. i received a message from melai which says, 'hi mom i mis u n poh'.. hay.. miss ko na rin sila ni velle.. and i can't wait to see them again.. buti na lang sa Sunday matutuloy na rin ang household namin.. ^_^

anyway, yun nga, tamang pahinga lang ako dito sa bahay.. hindi kasi ako makabangon.. i guess effect na rin ng gamot 'to.. nagpaalam ako kay papa na pupunta ako sa simbahan para makinig ng siete palabras pero hindi ko nga kinaya kaya sa t.v. na lang ako nanood..

by the way, before i forget, i would like to thank the following people for inspiring me today: mel, velle, patrick iho, boi, alvin, analyn dear, crix, nap, wewe, deo, sis rona, kuya pip, nardo, cat.. salamat.. at sa mga dumalaw, kuya don & eugene.. tenk u po.. ^_^

going back to the seven last words.. among those seven, two had the greatest impact on me.. siguro dala na rin ng magaling na speakers.. nga pala, sa channel 5 ako nanood.. sabi ni velle, sa channel 2 daw nag-share si brother meng torres, SFC din.. anyway, yung may pinakamatinding tama sken e yung 4th and 7th words.. but first, let me enumerate the seven last words..

Seven Last Words/Siete Palabras

1. Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

2. Today, you shall be with Me in paradise.

3. Son, behold your mother; Mother, behold your son.

4. My God, My God, why have You abandoned Me?

5. I thirst.

6. It is finished.

7. Father, into Your hands I command My Spirit.

4. My God, My God, why have You abandoned Me?

ano nga ba ang kahulugan ng pag-ibig? naks. pag-ibig na naman.. kaya ba ako tinamaan kasi pag-ibig ang pinag-uusapan? hindi naman.. medyo lang.. hehe.. ok.. when we were in grade school, uso yung mga slum book/autograph.. actually until high school pa nga diba? aminin.. hehe.. and one of the questions na hindi nawawala sa autograph e yung 'what is love?' at ang madalas na sagot: love is like a Rosary, full of mystery o hindi kaya love is like a river that flows forever.. at marami pang iba.. pero sa totoo lang, sabi ni Father Quilaquil, ang pag-ibig ay nararamdaman, nakikita, naririnig, naamoy, at nalalasahan. in other words, ang pag-ibig pala ay may kinalaman sa senses.. i guess yung best way to explain my point is through an example.. based po ito sa karanasan ko lately.. i chose not to use the examples given by the priest kasi sa tingin ko mas maganda kung galing sa sarili kong experience yung mga sasabihin ko.. mas personal.. and besides, eto rin yung way ko of reflecting.. kamusta na ba ang buhay pananampalataya ko? ok, game na..

hindi lingid sa kaalaman niyo kung anong mga pinagdadaanan ko ngayon.. pero sa kabila ng lahat, masasabi kong ramdam ko pa rin ang pagmamahal ng Diyos.. i know i've said this countless times before.. pero this time, magiging mas malalim ang gagawin kong paliwanag..

nararamdaman ko ang pagmamahal ng Panginoon sa pamamagitan ng mga tao sa paligid ko..

sa mga magulang ko na walang sawang nag-aalaga.. kay mama na nagluluto ng pagkain ko, kay papa na araw-araw dumadaan sa mercury para bumili ng gamot ko.. wala ako dito kung hindi dahil sa kanila at sobrang suwerte ko dahil sa kanila ako ipinagkatiwala ng Diyos..

sa kapatid ko na laging handang ipagtanggol ako.. kasama ko sa tawanan, sa iyakan, sa kantahan, sa kainan.. sa lahat ng hamon ng buhay..

sa mga tito at tita, lola, mga pinsan, at lahat ng kamag-anak ko na patuloy na nagdadasal para sa kalusugan ko.. kay tita ana na hindi nag-aatubiling pahiramin kami ng pera.. sa mga tita at tito ko sa probinsya na tumatawag/nagtetext para kamustahin ang kalagayan ko..

sa mga kaibigan ko: westlife sisters, tweet2, cs batchmates, iv-2 amos (rona, osang, boi, renz, rhea), de castro classmates and schoolmates (crix, nap, wewe, analyn banan) at sa lahat ng nagpakita ng concern na hindi napapagod kamustahin ako at nagsabing ipagdadasal nila ako.. sobrang nakakagaan sa pakiramdam pag alam mong maraming nagdadasal para sa'yo.. and i'll forever be thankful na kayo ang mga naging kaibigan ko..

sa mga kapatid ko sa community lalo na sa mga ka-chapter ko at kasama sa music ministry (kuya pip, ate jing, mom, dad, jat, sidh, kuya don, at sa lahat) ganun din kina alvin at cris ng taytay chapter, kay doneck at isaac ng laguna, kay zharina na yfc.. sa kanila ko nararamdaman ang tunay na kahulugan ng kapatiran.. salamat sa mga panalangin at sa pagpapalakas ng loob ko..

sa mga anak ko at best girlfriends sa community: velle, melai, rhoan.. wala na akong masabi pa.. sa totoo lang, ramdam ko na ang pagiging isang ina kay melai at kay velle.. sa kanila rin ako kumukuha ng lakas at inspirasyon.. pati na rin ng motivation para lumaban.. kasi sabi nga ni melai.. 'paano na lang sila?'

sa mga doctor ko: dr. abe, dr. adraneda, dr. oreta, dr. caro, dr. guevarra, dra. acantilado na nag-aalaga sa kalusugan ko.. at nagparamdam ng totoong concern sa kondisyon ko..

sa kanila ko nararamdaman, nakikita, naririnig, naamoy, at nalalasahan ang pagmamahal ng Diyos.. sila at ang marami pang mga taong ginagamit ng Panginoon para bigyan ng kulay ang buhay ko.. sa bawat yakap, bawat 'i love you mom/sis/unai/aiza/bebe/bunso/ate/anak' na naririnig ko mula sa kanila, bawat 'kaya mo yan yuna/dito lang kame/we'll pray for you' na sinasabi nila, lalo akong tumitibay at naniniwalang, masarap pa ring mabuhay.. dahil sa kabila ng mga hindi magagandang nangyayari, marami pa ring dahilan para magpasalamat sa bawat araw na lumilipas.. sila ang dahilan kung bakit naniniwala akong kailanman, hindi ako pinabayaan/pababayaan ng Diyos.

kung ang bawat isa sa atin ay magiging biyaya sa isa't isa, kung lahat tayo ay magiging sensitibo sa mga pangangailangan ng ating kapwa, kung lahat tayo ay magpaparamdam ng pagmamahal ng Panginoon, marahil, wala ng magtatanong ng ganito: "Diyos ko, bakit Mo ako pinabayaan?"

pananagutan natin ang isa't isa.. we were created for a purpose.. and the essence of our existence is our service to others..

7. Father, into Your hands I command My Spirit.

napakasimple lang nito.. Jesus said these words when He could no longer bear the pain.. when He was about to die.. He surrendered His life, and His Spirit, and His whole being to the Father.. likewise, we are called to offer our lives to God.. when we feel that we've had more than enough sufferings, we just need to surrender.. sobrang nakarelate ako kasi lahat ng sinabi ni Father kanina, yun ako.. sick, hindi pa gagraduate, may problema sa pera, nanghihina, malapit ng sumuko.. sabi niya, ihinga lang daw namin kay God lahat.. and that's what i did.. last Wednesday, when i was at the adoration chapel, i just thanked God for everything that He has done.. at sinuko ko na lahat sa Kanya.. i know He knows everything.. sabi ko nga sa mga nakakausap ko, naniniwala akong matatapos din lahat ng ito.. i''m letting go and letting God.. He alone is God, and I surrender to His will..

i would like to end with the following quotes/text messages that i've received from people i hold dear.. i had a very meaningful Holy Week.. i hope i was able to share some of my learnings with you.. i was blessed.. and i pray that i may be a blessing also.. smile people! God loves us! *power hug* ^_^

~.. you always do a little growing up everytime you do a little letting go.~

~you are aware that you are less than what some people prefer you to be.. but most people are unaware that you are so much more than what they see.~ [nardo, thanks for sending me this message.. ^_^]

~God is the greatest companion 'coz no matter how imperfect you are, and no matter what happens in your life, God will still be there to give you the greatest love you've always wanted.~

~the best way to walk each day is not by walking with nice shoes, but by walking with God. walk not only by feet, but walk with faith in your heart.~

~sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul. sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole. sometimes, He sends us pain so we can be stronger. sometimes, He sends us failure so we can be humble. sometimes, He sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves. sometimes, He takes 'everything' away from us so we can learn the value of 'everything' we have.~ [i've gone through all of these already.. and i agree..]

~sometimes, you need to experience everything so that you would learn.. there's no easy way in living life so live it as it is. cry. laugh. be crazy. and don't miss the chances that life is giving you because the most important things are not things at all, most of the time they are PEOPLE making your life worth living.~ [very true.]

~the heart is like a Rubix cube.. someone is supposed to mess the cubes first so someone else could fit the colors perfectly.~ [awww.. wala lang.. hehe]

~you will never leave where you are until you decide where you would rather be.~

~your work for God will always count, whether big or small; for He marks well your faithfulness when you have given all.~