beautiful Lord, wonderful Savior.. [BIG IN GOD'S EYES]

14 May, Wednesday
again, God has never failed to surprise me and assure me that He loves me so much and that He will always be with me.

yesterday, he used cris to save me from what might have been a very painful situation. cris was such an angel. i almost fell in the evil's trap. but God didn't allow it to happen. sabi nga Niya, masyado na akong nasaktan, hindi na Siya papayag na masaktan pa uli ako ng kung sino lang. i am His beloved princess, and He will protect me from all the pains in this changing world (with changing people). ang galing talaga. i misunderstood His message at ginamit Niya si cris para ipaintindi sa akin kung ano talaga ang gusto Niyang sabihin. super na-amaze ako. galing! at nga pala, THANK YOU CRIS! ^_^ thank you for letting God use you. stay blessed and continue to be a blessing.

after my moment with Him, i asked God for His message and He gave me Isaiah 51:15-16 ("I am the Lord your God.. And I have put My words in your mouth; I have covered you with the shadow of My hand.") and Jeremiah 18:6 ("Look, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand."). affirmation that He's my God and that He protects me. and also an assurance that indeed, He is The Potter and we are His clay. "take me, mold me, use me, fill me... i give my life to the Potter's hand..." ^_^

today, overwhelming na naman ang blessings ni God. mama and i went to the Philippine General Hospital para magpa-schedule for CT scan. hay. ito ay isang mahabang kwento. hehe. kaya nga hindi ko nagawang ikwento through text e. *wink* by the way, salamat nga pala sa lahat ng nakatxt ko: shy, thothon, mars, binoy, alvin, boi, alpha, leyn, mark. ^_^

game. pagdating namin ng PGH, hinanap namin yung CT Scan syempre. sa kabilang building pa raw sabi ni manong guard. so lakad kame. pagdating namin dun, sabi ni ate, P11300 daw! waaaah! windang ako. sabi kasi nung tumawag ako P6300 lang e. kaya nga ako ginawan ng request ni Doc Tony para may discount. may dala akong form galing sa UP Health Service sa Diliman, pero sabi ni ate, hindi raw yun ang kelangan. may pinakita siyang form. yun daw ang dapat para ma-avail ko yung P6300. so umalis na kami ni mama. kasi naman wala kameng ganun kalaking pera. sabi ko nga P7000 lang ang budget namin. naglalakad kame palabas, badtrip na si mama. bakit daw ganun yung binigay na form saken sa Diliman. ako naman, nag-iisip lang. "hindi ba talaga pwedeng ma-avail ko yung discount? may ID naman akong dala." tumigil ako. sabi ko kay mama babalik ako, kakausapin ko uli yung babae. baka naman pwede. ayaw na sana ni mama kasi napapagod na siyang maglakad at badtrip na nga siya. sabi ko upo na lang siya dun, ako na lang ang babalik. pero sumama pa rin naman siya. pagdating ko sa window, sabi ko, "ate, hindi po ba talagang P6300 lang? may dala naman po akong ID." sabi ni ate, hindi daw talaga. kuha raw muna ako ng request form sa Health Service. tapos tanong ko, "babalik pa po ako ng Diliman? eto (form) lang po kasi yung binigay sken dun e." sabi niya, "hindi na. dito lang. sa Health Service." she was referring to the UP Manila Health Service. whew! para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa lalamunan. syempre ganun din si mama. ang problema, nagkanda-ligaw-ligaw kame. ang dami kasing direksyon na tinuturo e. tapos 11:30 na. pero go pa rin. sabi ng isang guard, sa kabilang building pa raw. sa tabi ng DOJ. so lalabas pa kame ng PGH. hay. pero sige lang. habang nagmamadali kameng maglakad ni mama, nakasalubong namin si JAYSON. classmate ko siya dati sa Art Studies 2, kay Sir Gerry. naging groupmate ko rin siya. buti na lang kilala pa niya ako sa mukha, pero di na niya matandaan pangalan ko. hehe. ok lang, hirap kasing bigkasin e. 1st year Med siya sa UP Manila. tapos yun nga, sabi ko kelangan ko ng request form for CT scan. ayun, tinuro niya kung saan kame pupunta. hindi na pala lalabas ng PGH. pasaway si manong guard. hehe. pero ok lang. at least, nagkita pa kame ni Jayson. ang galing talaga. pagpasok namin, tinuro kame sa nurse. tapos may form na pinasulatan. tapos sabi niya, balik na lang daw ako ng 1 o 1:30 kasi lunch break na. e may therapy pa ako. pero sabi ko bahala na. habang nakaupo kame at nag-iisip ni mama, sabi ng nurse, ipipila na rin daw niya yung papel ko. praise God talaga! kasi tinanggap pa ako! ang galing di ba? ako yung last patient. salamat kay ate nurse at kay doc. kaya lang, hindi pa rin ako na-schedule. kasi kelangan pa ng BUN at creatinine result. hindi na raw pwede yung dati kong result kasi one month na. 2 weeks lang daw ang validity ng lab results. so yun, balik pa ako. dapat dun na ako magpapa-lab kaya lang super haba ng pila sa cashier. 1pm na. kelangan na naming pumunta sa POC. kaya umalis na kami ni mama. bumili lang kame ng makakain sa jeep tapos biyahe na uli. sakto lang, 2pm kame dumating sa POC. ilang minuto lang, start na ng therapy. after nun, tsaka lang ako nakakain nang matino. si mama kasi kumain na habang hinihintay ako. whew! what a day talaga. pero ayos lang, God has been with us naman e. at ang pinakamaganda dun, may nabasa akong magazine habang naghihintay sa Health Service. hehe. luma na siya, pero may magandang article. at syempre, kinopya ko talaga. salamat sa In His Steps na lagi kong dala. may space kasi dun for notes e. ^_^ here's the article taken from the said magazine (Misyon):

Let Us Take Care that We Hate No One (St. John Chrysostom)
Two things are required of us, here and now: to acknowledge our sins and to forgive others; the first so that the second may become easier. For someone properly aware of his own behavior and its shortcomings will be the more forgiving to his fellow humans. And that does not mean forgiveness in words merely, but from the heart, lest in our resentment we turn the sword on ourselves. The more he has injured you, the greater the forgiveness of your own sin, in consequence.

Let us take care that we hate no one, so that God may still love us; so that even though we may be owing Him a thousand talents, He may yet be generous and merciful to us. Has someone offended you? Be merciful to him, then, do not hate him, weep and lament for him, but do not show aversion. For it is not you who have offended God, but he; you will do well to put up with it. Recall how Christ was content to be crucified - and yet shed tears over those who did it. That must be your disposition also; the more you are wronged, the more you must lament for the wrongdoer. For it is we who profit from this - and greatly - but not they.

ang ganda no? hehe. wala lang. nagandahan ako e. ^_^ eto pa, some quotes, galing din sa magazine:

"Commitment is the courage to face the rising sun with the promise to be there at its setting." -Sr. Joan Chittister

"Peace won by compromise of principles is a short-lived achievement." -Anonymous

and i was also able to read a poem dedicated to a British soldier who was killed in action. hindi ko na nakopya kasi tinawag na ako e. pero ang tanda ko, based siya sa John 15:13 which says, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."

ayun lang. full of teachings ang araw na ito. kapagod. pero it was all worth it. again, living for God and with God makes life worthwhile. ^_^

after saying my prayers, God gave me Isaiah 58:9. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer, you shall cry, and He will say, "Here I am." ang galing, this is an affirmation that God is always with us, we will never be alone. ^_^
last na: from In His Steps, "Pain is inevitable; misery is an option." ^_^

15 May, Thursday
happy birthday jaypee! ^_^

whew! long day uli. pero ayos lang. dami na namang surprise si God. i woke up early and went to UP Health Service in Diliman for my lab test. mahal kasi dito sa malapit samen, P400! kamusta naman yun diba? dalawang test lang yun. naisip ko ring kunin na yung classcard sa psych at yung yearbook kung may tao sa Inhinyero office. alpha and i agreed to meet at the Infirmary, 9:30am. salamat talaga kay alpha na forever maaasahan. ^_^ ang plano ko sana, ipa-rush yung blood test tapos tuloy na kame sa PGH, pero iba pala plan ni God. sabi ng Med Tech, hindi raw pwede rush kasi matagal daw gawin yung test so bukas ng umaga ko pa talaga makukuha. by the way, P28 lang ang binayaran ko for the two tests. ang mura diba? yan ang kinaganda ng pagka-delay ko sa graduation. ^_^ anyway, nakuhaan na ako ng dugo, wala pa rin si alpha, kaya kumain na lang muna ako. pagdating niya, sabi ko, hindi na kami tuloy sa PGH kasi bukas ko pa makukuha yung result. kaya kuha na lang kameng classcards. walang tao sa Inhinyero office, sabi ng isang staff, through text, sa Saturday pa raw. ayun. nagpasama na lang si alpha si SM North. may pinapabili raw kasi si ate lady. nakakatuwa lang, tamang bonding lang kame ng aking "heelz". ^_^ tapos kumain kame sa Bodhi, ang saya, puro veggies. deceiving, yung tapa nila, tokwa. hehe. parang meat talaga, nakakaloko. hehe. pero masarap. try niyo rin. ^_^ tamang promote ako diba? hehe. wala lang.

habang kumakain kame, may tumawag sa phone ko, from P&G, ang gandang surprise na naman. ipapakuha raw niya yung exam result ko sa engg admin para ma-recheck niya. kaya pala bukas ko pa makukuha yung result ng lab test kasi kelangan ko rin pala talagang pumunta sa UP para ibalik yung exam ko. ang saya. ang galing no? perfect talaga yung plans ni God. eto pa, nagtext si Kuya Don sken. sabi niya, kinukwenta daw niya yung pamasahe niya papuntang shaw. tapos huminto daw sa tapat niya yung bus ni papa. o dba? libre na siya. ang galing ni God! He is praiseworthy indeed! ^_^

isa pa, tamang basa kame ni alpha sa national bookstore. syempre, naghanap na naman kame ng book ni Nicholas Sparks. hehe. at ako, ng Catholic Bible. ang mahal pala. pero alam ko God will provide. habang tumitingin-tingin kame ng mga libro, napansin ko yung book ni Billi Lim. Dare to Change. ang alam ko lang na book niya e yung Dare to Fail pero yun nga, may bago siya. tapos ang ganda pa nung quote sa cover. Change is to give up what you are to become what you could be. at nakaka-amaze kasi nagtext ang aking twin sister na si shy. sabi niya, bago raw siya umalis ng office, nagpost daw sya sa blog niya about "change" tapos nag-forward din ako ng message about "change". hehe. hindi lang kame twin sisters, amazing twin sisters pa. ^_^ by the way, P160 lang yung book. umm, bili kayo, tapos pahiram ako ha? hehe.

isang mahabang araw na naman ang malapit ng matapos. nakakapagod, pero masaya. bukas, alam ko marami pang 'pasalubong' at surprises si God. i'm so excited. ^_^

"Pakawalan mo ang mga bagay na nakakasakit sa'yo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Huwag mong hintayin yung araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo." -Bob Ong-

"You are free to make your choices, but you are not free to choose the consequences."

"Keep in mind that the Father who corrects us knows where we are headed. He wants to keep our vision unclouded so He can lead us to the life He has set aside for us. Allow God's correction to be the greatest affirmation of His love and hope for your life."

"You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there." (believe me, ang lalim ng wisdom ng quote na 'to. think about it. ^_^)

"Trusting God in everything is the softest pillow on which to rest, and the hardest rock to stand on."

~In the end, only three things matter: how fully you lived, how deeply you loved, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.~

"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them." -Psalm 145:18-19-

16 May, Friday
"The greatest success is to become the person God has intended you to be." -In His Steps-
[Let's continue to live our lives for God and allow Him to be 'The Potter' who molds us, 'The Clay.']

"I feel it when I sorrow most: it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson-
[nabasa ko lang sa Papemelroti sa Robinson's Place Manila. ^_^]

today wasn't as good as the previous days. i am so tired. medyo foul at depressing pa yung mga sinabi ng resident doctor sa isang government hospital na pinuntahan namin ni alpha. naluha talaga ako. lalo na nung tinawagan ko yung doctor ko. ramdam ko kasi yung worry niya saken at yung inis na rin sa doctor sa nasabing hospital. i decided to go to Quiapo. i know i'll find comfort din. kasama ko pa rin si alpha. ang galing talaga. kasi ang sabi ni God sa Gospel, "Whoever wishes to come after Me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me." [Mark 8:34] at sabi ng pari sa Quiapo, everyday requirement daw yun. Deny yourself, take your cross, and follow the Lord EVERYDAY. i remember the song, "Everyday" - everyday, its You i live for, everyday, i'll follow after You, everyday, i'll walk with You my Lord. wala lang. medyo naging mabigat lang yung cross ko ngayon. pero sabi nga ni Lord, "I will be with you until the end of time." at kung tutuusin, wala pa ring mas bibigat sa cross na binuhat ni Jesus para lang ma-save tayo. while on the bus, i'm singing "Need". I am grateful for the cross, my source of strength in my life's cause. I will embrace it everyday, grace me to live day by day. You, Lord, are all that I need, with all my mind and my deed. With You, my life is complete, in Your love, in Your hands, I'll live.

17 May, Saturday
sobrang daming blessing pa rin. dito natulog si alpha, at nag-worship kame kanina gamit ang Hillsong CD na pinahiram ng aking twin sister na si Shy. ^_^ and the best part of today, MMLA (Metro Manila Leaders' Assembly)! ang saya! sobrang cool ng speaker, si Brother Arun Gogna. ang galing! tawa lang kami ng tawa pero may substance lahat ng sinabi niya. it was about God's love. let me share with you my notes. salamat uli sa In His Steps, may napagsulatan ako. hehe.

Understanding God's Love (Isaiah 43:1 and 4)
But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.
Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, And I have loved You."
*There is a big difference between knowing and understanding (alam versus nauunawaan). In times of crisis, you do not do what you know, you do what you understand. When we only know that God loves us, we tend to run away from Him during trials and hardships; but when we understand that God loves us, we come to Him for comfort in times of need.
It's not enough that we know God loves us, we should UNDERSTAND that GOD LOVES US!
The 5 truths about God's love:
1. God's love is creative (malikhain). Consider our bodies, the Earth and everything in it. The whole of creation is a proof of God's love. Life, being a creation of God, is beautiful despite the so many hardships. We just have to focus on the goodness of everything. Remember: what you focus on, grows! Don't focus on the miseries but the blessings and the little miracles that happen everyday.

2. God's love redeems us from fear. God assures us that WE ARE NEVER ALONE. The opposite of fear is not courage, but love. Perfect love drives out fear. If you are afraid, fill yourself with the love of God. ^_^

3. God's love echoes our name throughout all creation. God calls us by name. Our name is our name for eternity. (Nakakatuwa yung sharing niya dito. About a guy named 'Pambihira'. hehe.)

4. God's love makes us belong. (Kelangan pa bang i-explain 'to? ^_^)

5. God's love makes us special. (He shared a story about an important basketball game during his time.) God is our Father. He created everything. Jesus is our brother. He died to save us from our sins, what else can He not do? There's no need for us to be afraid and worry about life. Because we are special, and we are God's children. We must remember who we are, who we REALLY are. Hindi lang tayo basta tao. Anak tayo ng Diyos at kapatid natin si Hesus. That's what we should always keep in mind. We are special. WE ARE BIG IN GOD'S EYES.

we were asked to stand up, close our eyes, and picture Jesus in front of us. you know the image that came to my mind? i saw myself kneeling before the Lord. and He held my hand, let to stand and embraced me tightly. as i was listening to Brother Arun's song, i felt the tears flowing. because i really felt Jesus' warm hug and i was comforted. i couldn't really express the overwhelming joy and the different kind of peace. it was truly a special moment. and i am thankful that i was there to experience it.

here's the song which Bro. Arun taught us. and this song is indeed a blessing.

Big in God's eyes. That's who I am.
Like the birds in the sky, that fly so very high.
They don't have to worry.
I don't have to worry.
Because, I'm BIG IN GOD'S EYES.

i hope i remember it right. sobrang comforting talaga nung song. before Bro. Arun ended his talk, he showed us his 2 CDs (Ikaw Lamang and Big in God's Eyes) and his book, "Happy Secrets to an Obedient Life." at first, i thought he was just promoting his stuffs, but i was touched by what he said: "These are merely things, non-living things, and yet, they have been a blessing to others. Paano pa kaya kayo? You are living things, you could bless more than these things could. Touch other people's lives. Be a blessing." ang ganda diba? ^_^

i feel so blessed. i have already come to realize the above truths. God is so good because He affirmed to me my beliefs. kahit pa medyo napagalitan ako pagdating ko, late na kasi, okay lang. because i've been touched, i've been blessed, and i've gained so much learning from the event and from Bro. Arun. at isa pa, i was able to spend time with my brothers and sisters in the community, lalo na sina shy at thothon. at syempre, nakabili kme ng sling bag na may tatak ng SFC at ng book ni Bro. Arun. may kasama pang pic. hehe. salamat sa aking mahal na batch. natawa ako sa sinabi niya bago kame umuwi, "gusto mo ba talaga yung book?" i told him yes. tapos kumuha siya ng pera. "kelan mo babayaran?" sabi ko, "bukas." then he gave me the money. tapos habang pinapa-sign ko kay Bro. Arun, sabi niya, "aiz, gusto mo picture?" haha. ang saya talaga. sabi pa niya sken, "alam ko naman kasing hindi ka makakatulog mamaya e." hehe. he really knows me. he's truly a blessing. mula noon hanggang ngayon, super blessing talaga siya. and i am forever grateful that he's my 'batch'. this has been an outstanding day. ^_^

18 May, Sunday
happy birthday ralph and len flores! ^_^ (hindi po sila kambal. hehe. hindi nga sila magkakilala e. pareho lang ng surname.)

today, ang ganda rin ng message ni God. here's what i've gained from the homily. [by the way, the readings for today are: Exodus 34:4-6, 8-9, Deuteronomy 3, 2 Corinthians 13:11-13, and John 3:16-18.]

The Church is a Pilgrim Church, it is always moving, just as Jesus is always moving. We are on a journey. Our goal is the Trinity, wholeness. Knowledge of yourself = knowledge of God , the more you know yourself, the more you know God because God is in you. Let's not be Catholics merely by name but of no substance. Our responsibility is to be the light and salt of the world. We should bring light and flavor to the world. We must be living witnesses. We must be proactors, (reflecting before acting) and not reactors (acting without reflecting). Ang Banal na Santatlo ay mukha ng pag-ibig. Allow others to see Christ in you through your words and actions. Be a sign, be a blessing.

ang galing talaga! talk about God's consistency - His message is clear: BE A BLESSING!

wala lang, walang connection 'to pero matagal na kasing naka-save sa phone ko kaya share ko na rin. hehe.

gusto ko lang naman yung totoo, yung tipong ang sagot ay hindi rin isang tanong. -migraine, moonstar 88

ayun lang. hanggang sa muli. ^_^

remember, we are big in God's eyes. so smile and cheer up! life is beautiful. *power hug*

God is with us! ^_^

by the way, one final note: may na-realize lang ako. salamat kay shy kasi naalala ko. hehe. magka-txt kasi kame. wala lang. hiniram ko kasi yung CD niya (at nasa kanya rin yung CD ko) tapos ang plano ko, ipa-burn kay cris. nag-usap na kame. dapat kahapon, bili na akong CD sa CD-R King, buti na lang at nag-taxi kame kaya hindi na ako nakababa sa Galleria. God's will talaga yun kasi i learned an important lesson. PIRACY IS A CRIME. i know, gasgas na yung linya na yun. pero nakakahiya mang aminin, ngayon ko lang talaga naintindihan yun. at ngayon lang ako nakapag-decide na hindi na talaga mag-pirate ng kahit ano. so, no to burned CDs na - be it music or movie. tama si Sir Rom, kung mahalaga sa iyo ang isang bagay, pag-iipunan mo ito. simpleng lesson lang. pero mahalaga at seryoso. at salamat kay Bro. Arun dahil kagabi, nung pinakita niya yung CDs niya, sabi niya, "please don't burn them, because you'll burn in hell." sabay tawa. natawa na rin kame. pero yun talaga yung "wake up call" sa akin. ^_^

here i am to worship.

i'm having goosebumps. i'm listening to a worship CD lent by my twin sister Shy. i just can't express how i feel. i'm singing and i feel God's presence. i can't wait til i experience the Hillsong Concert on the 26th. ^_^

God has been faithful and He never fails to surprise me every single day. today, my brother and i were supposed to go to PGH. pa-schedule sana for CT scan. pero sabi ni mama, magpahinga raw muna ako ngayon. bukas na lang daw. so eto, may time ako to blog. hehe. ang saya. while i was typing and singing, my brother came and asked me to solve a math problem. akala ko sa text lang yun, but i was surprised to see what he's holding - it's an entrance exam reviewer! natuwa talaga ako. i've been praying for God to touch my brother and give him the passion to pursue his studies, tapos ngayon, answered prayer na. ang galing talaga ni God! ^_^

start pa lang ng araw, i know more surprises are coming my way. for now, let me share my journal entries for the past two days.

11 May, Sunday

God is an amazing God. He gave me great surprises today and I am overjoyed. I can't thank Him enough for touching the hearts of my instructors and make them understand my situation. I was really touched. I didn't know what to say when I read the replies of Sir Eric and Sir Rom. I just couldn't contain my happiness that I blogged about it. When I got home, I had dinner and headed straight to my room and spent time with God. I am so deeply in love with Him and I've never been this happier. Two years ago, same month, I was in love with someone. Last year, I was falling for and eventually fell deeply, madly, crazy in love with another man. But both ended tragically. The more that I loved, the deeper the pain. But now I realized, those two wrong people, those two wrong loves had led me to the Perfect One, the only love that would never hurt. This year, I fell deeply in love with the Lord and I just can't stop falling in love with Him. I asked for His reply after I prayed and His message was in Jeremiah 42:11. "Do not be afraid.. for I am with you to save you and deliver you." Amazing indeed! He's the sweetest lover and He's my one true love. I know He'll give me my perfect match, someone who is also deeply in love with Him. ^_^ Such a sweet thought.

Shy shared a very good verse, another reminder from God. Amos 5:6, 14-15. (Again, about how to live our lives for the Lord.)

6: Seek the Lord and live...

14: Seek good and not evil, that you may live; So the Lord God of hosts will be with you as you have spoken.

15: Hate evil, love good; Establish justice in the gate...

God really speaks in the Bible and I am so glad that finally, I have come to take it as my Daily Bread. ^_^

12 May, Monday

God is really good and every day, He allows me to see and experience His power, mercy, and unconditional love. Today, I've been blessed by the following and I am thankful for them:

1. Good weather. Sira lahat ng payong namin sa bahay maliban sa mga malalaki na ayaw ko namang dalhin dahil malaking sagabal. Amazing how God controls the weather just to make sure that I won't get soaked in the rain or get burnt by the raging heat of the sun. When I got off the bus, hindi masikat ang araw. Pagsakay ko ng jeep to Banawe, umaraw na. Pagdating ng Welcome Rotonda, kulimlim. I prayed na huwag umulan kasi malapit na akong bumaba. Tatawid at maglalakad pa ako. Answered prayer agad. Hanggang pagpasok ko ng POC, kulimlim lang. When my therapy started, it also began to rain very hard. Pero paglabas ko ng POC, wala na namang ulan. Galing no?! Ganyan ka-powerful si God. ^_^

2. Shy's wisdom. I decided to eat after my therapy. At dahil na-miss ko ang Sto. Domingo, kumain ako sa pinakamalapit na kainan dun, KFC. Wala ng seat sa baba kaya dun na lang ako sa taas. The thing is, walang ilaw. I mean, walang kuryente, so natural, walang aircon. You could just imagine kung gaano kainit. Pero smile pa rin ako. Ok lang, konting tiis lang. =) Ang pinakamaganda dun, na-share ko yun kay Shy and she told me to consider it as a sacrifice. Oo nga naman, maraming hindi na nga nakakakain, hindi pa nakaka-experience ng aircon. I was humbled by her message kaya naman I offered that situation to the hungry and the poor. And I felt better. Everything has a purpose talaga and life is worth living and every situation is worth going through if you're able to recognize it's purpose. Thanks Shy! ^_^

3. A very powerful homily by Father Norman Quilaquil. Shy and I attended the mass (saan pa kundi sa Sto. Domingo Church ^_^) and the homily was brief yet meaningful. Life has its complexities. Life is full of opposites. But these complexities and opposites make life beautiful. We experience love, we experience hatred. We experience indifference, we experience concern. Life is full of opposites and ironies. But these ironies are those that make life beautiful. Imagine if we're all laughing for all time. Eventually, our laughter will no longer have meaning. Same is true for sorrows. The complexities of life and all its ironies and opposites make it beautiful. (Notice how often this statement is repeated. Because that's what we need to remember. ^_^)

Father Norman defined miracle as something that we do that makes a difference in the lives of other people. He further said that "each of us is capable of doing miracles, and that is a proof that God is with us." In today's Gospel, Mark 8:11-13, the Pharisees asked for a sign but Jesus told them, "no sign will be given to this generation." In our world today, we do not need to ask for signs for we ourselves are already signs of God's love. I remember a story where a man asked God why He isn't doing something to heal the world and solve all the problems - hunger, war, etc. Why is God not doing anything to end the sufferings of His people? If He is God, why is He not doing anything? Then God told the man, "I did something. I sent you." Do something. Be a blessing. We were born in this world for a purpose. We ought to do something. We must be a blessing. We must be THE SIGN. I was amazed by how God made me understand the message of the Gospel today. Kanina, when I woke up, I already read today's readings, but I wasn't able to grasp the real meaning of the Gospel. Instead, I dwelt on the first reading, James 1:1-11, and the quote I read in "In His Steps." I even shared them through text. But I really wasn't able to reflect on the Gospel. Thanks to Father Norman, I was able to comprehend the wisdom in it.

By the way, here are the text messages I sent to my distribution lists. ^_^

*James 1:2-4. "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." Endure the hardships for they are God's way of shaping us into what we should become. Every trial we overcome is a step closer to God. Be blessed. Be a blessing.

*On my way to POC, I find comfort in this: "There is no sin too big that God cannot forgive." God is loving. God is forgiving. God is perfect. And life is worth living if we're living it all for Him. ^_^

4. The Rain. Umuulan paglabas namin ng simbahan. Wala akong payong. Shy told me to wait for her kasi kukuha raw siya ng payong sa bahay nila. I decided to come with her. Blessing din kasi finally, na-meet ko na rin si Nanay at si Thothon. At nakakatuwa pa kasi binigyan ako ni Nanay ng bagong payong. May tindahan kasi sila at may tinda silang payong. Nakakatuwa talaga. Nahiya nga ako, gusto ko sanang bayaran (utangin pala kasi wala na rin akong pera. hehe.) pero yun nga, sabi ni Nanay bigay niya yun sken. I will always and forever be grateful. ^_^

5. The many little things. The messages I received, the faces that I saw, a smile from a stranger, a new friend (Madz, the new intern who handled me today), seeing Ate Nanique and Ate Marge at the church, the burger, the chicken steak, and the 5 itlog ng pugo which relieved my hunger while I was away from home, everything! Every little thing. ^_^

I listed only 5 but the blessings are actually countless. Sabi nga ni Shy, "count your blessings, don't stop counting."

After my prayer, I asked for God's reply. His message was in Ecclesiastes 2. Verse 26: "For God gives wisdom and knowledge and joy to a man who is good in His sight." My prayer is to be holy, to be pure in mind, heart, and soul. I love the Lord so much and I can't stop falling in love with Him. I pray that He'll grant me the grace to remain in Him and be forever pleasing to His sight. Amen.

Shy shared: Amos 5, Jeremiah 4, Philippians 3:7-11

Thothon shared: Psalm 91

While I was reading Philippians 3:7-11, naalala ko lang yung song na "All I Want" and I promised Shy to post the lyrics here. ^_^

ALL I WANT

I believe that nothing can outweigh the advantage of knowing Jesus Christ,
the advantage of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord

Refrain:
All I want is to know Jesus Christ
And the power of His rising
All I want is to know my Lord
And in Him to abide

For Him I take the loss of everything
And I look on everything as naught
If only I have Christ and a place in Him [Refrain]

I'm no longer trying on my own for perfection coming from the law
I want only that which comes through my faith in Him [Refrain]

This is my song:

BETTER THAN LIFE

Better than the riches of this world
Better than the sound of my friends' voices
Better than the biggest dreams in my heart
And that's just the start

Better than getting what I say I need
Better than living the life that I want to
Better than the love anyone could give
Your love is

You hold me now in Your arms
And never let me go
For You O Lord made the sunshine and the moonlight in the night sky
You give me breath and all Your love
I give my heart to You because
I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You

That's it. Til next post. Cheers! God is enough! ^_^

Jesus, because of You, I'm free!

blessings come in small packages ^_^

i don't know how to express my extreme happiness. today, God has been so nice to me. He's always been, but i just can't contain my joy for all the great 'pasalubong' and surprises He has prepared for me today.

i received positive responses from all the people i've sent email to, my instructors and thesis adviser. all of them showed concern and they were just so kind that they understood my situation. God, i can't be more grateful.

my twin sister shy made a poem for me. she was so sweet and i am humbled to receive such appreciation.

i'm speechless. i'm so overjoyed. i don't know what else to say.

i couldn't stop falling in love with God. i just can't. i never will.

by the way, today is Mother's Day. Cheers to all the mothers who have loved unconditionally and sacrificed willingly. i salute all of you.

to my one and only mama, i love you more than words can say.

God is good all the time. I am forever grateful. And I will forever be His princess. ^_^

God is a consistent God.

Malachi 3:6. "For I am the Lord, I do not change." (Shy, thank you for sharing the verse.)

8 May, Thursday

After saying my prayers, i asked for God's reply and His message was in Matthew 10 (Discipleship and Its Cost), particularly verses 16-26. Verse 16 says: "Behold I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore, be wise as serpents and harmless as doves." God is telling me to be careful with my decisions and be cautious in choosing the things that i'll do, think, say, and believe in. Life on earth is full of deceptions, very tricky. I should be wise enough to recognize what is good and what is evil. I was born to be a blessing, therefore I should do good and not harm. Like what I told Shy, the battle is still on, but we have prayers to keep us armed, and of course, God is with us. There's no way we'll ever lose. ^_^

9 May, Friday

Today has been a long day. My brother and I went to Jose Reyes Memorial Medical Center para sana magpa-schedule for CT scan. Unfortunately, hindi kaya ng budget namin. 7k lang yung allotted money for the procedure pero almost 9k yung sa Jose Reyes kaya hindi na lang. Nakakatuwa lang kasi habang nasa jeep kame, I was touched by a family na kasakay namin. Pinupunasan kasi ni Daddy yung likod ni Kuya habang kalong niya si Baby. Ang cute lang nila tingnan. I remember Papa doing the same thing when we were still young. Habang nasa jeep, I wasn't able to hold my emotions kaya I silently prayed for them. Sobrang na-touch kasi ako. I prayed na hindi magsawa si Daddy alagaan at mahalin ang mga anak niya at sana mas marami pang Daddy na gaya niya. ^_^

Tonight, after my prayer, I asked for God's message. He gave me Proverbs 21. I read the whole chapter but this verse hit me the most: Proverbs 21:23. "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." Amazing how He's been consistent with His messages. This week, He has given me the standards for Godly living. I told Him I want to be Holy and so He's teaching me how to be one. He told me what I must and must not do to achieve Holiness. Ang galing no? He shapes us into the person He wants us to be. He really is "The Potter" and we are His clay.

10 May, Saturday

This is a special day because today is our Lord's Day! Sa totoo lang, one week na akong sinusumpong ng teribleng headache at pananakit ng tiyan. Kaya gusto na rin nina Mama na makapag-undergo na ako ng CT scan kasi sobrang dami ko ng nainom na malalakas na gamot. Sabi nga ni Papa baka raw naluluto na yung katawan ko sa gamot. Anyway, yun nga, hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko tapos maulan pa. Pero parang hinihila yung paa ko papunta sa simbahan. And another thing, my daughter Mel texted me saying how thankful she is and that she loves me and she misses me too. Hindi na ako nagpapigil. Sabi ko nga kay Mama, kahit naman hindi ako umalis, I'd still be in pain. So aalis na lang ako kasi alam ko something good will happen to me there. And I was right. It was all worth the pain. Ang galing nga e, pag-alis ko ng bahay, walang ulan. Pagdating ko sa church, biglang buhos ang malakas na ulan. Pero pag-uwi ko, malinaw na uli ang ulap. God really fixed everything para makarating ako sa Lord's Day. It was so fun singing with my beloved Music Ministry. Na-miss ko ring kumanta kasama sila. And the very reason why God brought me there: Ate Leah Gayundato. She was the speaker. Just a little background, the first time I listened to her was during our Tongues Workshop. Since then, I have become her avid fan. She also trained us when we were starting out as choir for the Sunday Mass dito sa Lifehomes. I have learned so much from her already. And tonight, she has inspired me again. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, she never fails to touch me every time she gives a talk. Ang galing lang talaga. I could hear God speaking through her. She told me something which I would forever carry in my heart. And I swear, by the time na mangyari yun, second to God, si Ate Leah ang higit kong pasasalamatan. Sa ngayon, secret na lang muna. *wink*

The talk was about transformation. And this is what I got from her: When you grow in love with the Lord, nagiging automatic na ang paggawa ng mabuti at pag-iwas sa kasalanan. Transformation comes from within and it starts with falling in love with God. Sabi pa niya, mahihiya ka ng gumawa ng mali kasi alam mong hindi yun magugustuhan ni God. And she also talked about offering our lives to the Lord and letting His will be done. Pati letting go and letting God. She also mentioned about failed relationships and the blessings that come with them. Sobrang naka-relate ako. Kasi true enough, the moment I stopped crying over a failed relationship and the many bad things that I've been through, that's the time when God revealed Himself to me. And that was the start of my new life, one which is definitely better, and definitely closer to Him. Tama si Ate Leah, persons are gifts. And even the wrong people, who have hurt me in so many ways, are blessings. Kasi I have learned a lot from them. And siguro kung hindi ko rin sila na-encounter at nakasama, maybe I wouldn't be this strong. May purpose talaga lahat ng bagay at lahat ng tao. Ang saya how God spoke through my favorite speaker. Dinala talaga ako ni God dun para makinig sa message Niya. After her talk, we had the renewal of our commitment, our covenant with God. My heart was beating fast while I was offering myself to the Lord and renewing my covenant with Him. Iba talaga yung pakiramdam pag si Lord ang minamahal. Sabi ko nga kay Melai, I feel na tinatama talaga ni God lahat ng mali sa buhay ko. He's molding me into someone He planned and willed me to be. Sa ngayon, nandun ako sa stage na I'm so deeply in love with God that I'm so eager to get rid of the bad things in my life and so determined to correct whatever is wrong with me so that I could be more pleasing to Him. I love God so much and I love loving Him. And I can't stop falling in love with Him. He's the sweetest, the greatest, the best, and the only thing perfect!

During my prayer time kanina, I just thanked Him for His perfect love and for everything He has taught me. I opened the Bible after saying my prayers, and He led me to Ezekiel 18. Again, consistent with His previous messages on how I should live my life.

Verses 5-9 say: "But if a man is just and does what is lawful and right; If he has not eaten on the mountains, nor lifted up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, nor defiled his neighbor's wife, nor approached a woman during her impurity; If he has not oppressed anyone, but has restored to the debtor his pledge; has robbed no one by violence, but has given his bread to the hungry and covered the naked with clothing; If he has not exacted usury nor taken any increase, but has withdrawn his hand from iniquity and executed true judgment between man and man; If he has walked in My statutes and kept My judgments faithfully - He is just; He shall surely live!" Says the Lord God.

Amazing no? Consistent si God sa messages Niya. He answers our every prayers with what is best. ^_^

To end this post, I would like to share a simple poem from Shy. (sis, pagamit ng poem mo ha? hehe. thanks! mwah!)

If my heart can utter spoken words today, it will be praise and thanksgiving.

My heart is overjoyed by Your everlasting loving.

O Lord, reign in my heart always and forever,

And be my God till eternity.

Oops, hindi pa pala end. I still have some text messages to share. ^_^

*"I took some m&m's in the fridge this morning. Out of the blue, I didn't notice that some of it fell on the ground and broke into pieces. How nice. It made me think and I realized, even the sweetest things in life could break in a split second." (Didn't I tell you that everything in this world is temporary? That's a hard fact.)

*Whenever you want to know how rich you are, don't count your money. Cry. Then count the number of hands that will reach out to wipe your tears. (Talaga? Bakit wala namang nagpunas ng mga luha ko? Unan at diary ko lang ang sumalo ng lahat. Does that mean mahirap ako? Hehe. Tamang senti.)

*Starting all over again is not that bad; for when you restart, you get another chance to make things right. (Very true!)

*Every problem is a character-building opportunity. What happens outwardly in your life is not as important as what happens inside you. Your circumstances are temporary, but your character will last forever. (Agree!)

Yun na muna. Masakit na likod ng prinsesa. ^_^

God bless everyone! ^_^

I asked God to take away my pain. God said, "No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me." True enough, I am closer to Him. And life has never been this meaningful. ^_^

it's what you do now that makes the difference...

i got the title from "Black Hawk Down". i believe each one of is given the chance to make a difference. the question is, do we take that chance? well, i'm trying. i do. ^_^

before i start writing about the many things God has been telling me since Sunday, let me share the following lines from the movie "Bulletproof Monk". it's a good one, i believe.

*Every man's life concerns every other man, especially if he is on the noble path to true enlightenment.

*Knowing others means you are wise. But knowing yourself means you are enlightened.

*But rich manure can fertilize fields which will feed millions. (I love this line. This was the monk's reply to Jade when she told him that Kar is no good because he's just a piece of shit. ^_^)

*It is not about anger. It's about peace. It's not about power. It's about grace. It's not about knowing your enemy, it's all about knowing yourself. (True enough.)

*The best place to hide is the last place they would expect. (Talk about the ironies in life. "Your best friend is your worst enemy," and so on.)

*Life doesn't always work according to plan, so be happy with what you have. Because you can always get a hotdog. (This is Kar's answer to the monk's question about why hotdogs come in packs of 10's while hotdog buns come in packs of 8's only. Wise. ^_^)

done with the movie. and now the longer part of this post. ^_^

during the past two days, God and I had been busy talking to each other. i had the most intimate conversation with Him on Sunday evening. that night, He revealed to me His will. but before i get to that, i'll first share last Sunday's Gospel: The Ascension of Jesus. Shy shared a good homily which she heard at the anticipated mass in Sto. Domingo. it was about the importance of baptism. "We need to evangelize through words and actions. Do we see Christ in us? Are we living up to that baptism? Kaya ba nating ipagtanggol si God?" think about it. what's your answer? mine? well, God already knows it. ^_^

another good homily, which i personally heard, was about power. power is usually defined as "the capacity to command" but Jesus enables us to see power on a new perspective. His life showed us two kinds of power: power from Satan, and power from God. recall the temptation of Jesus as narrated in Matthew 4:1-11. focus on verses 8-9. Again, the devil took Him up on an exceedingly high mountain, and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to Him, "All these things i will give You if You will fall down and worship me."
power from satan is conditional, temporary, and leads to slavery. power from God is the exact opposite. consider this: if Jesus had accepted the power from the devil, He would have been put under satan's command. yes, He's powerful, but He's still under satan. but He did otherwise. He chose to be faithful to the Father, obeyed His will, and offered His life to fulfill God's plan. and what's the result of that? freedom. indeed, Jesus went through a lot of sufferings but He emerged victorious over sin, and even over death. and He was able to do that because of the power that came from God. during His ascension, He passed on that power to His disciples. He gave them the "go" signal to spread the good news to everyone and assured them that He will be with them until the end of time. the priest gave another example to illustrate his point better, but i would like to share my own interpretation of the homily. i just came up with the following realization: in this world, and in our lives, there are also two kinds of power, the bad one, and the good one. similarly, the "bad power" enslaves us, while the "good power" frees us.

example: money. they say that the root of all evil is money, but i don't believe in that. money can be good or bad, depending on how we acquired it and how we utilize it. again, opinion ko lang po 'to ha? ^_^ pero siguro naman you'll agree when i say that money is powerful. talaga naman diba? at siguro naman aware din tayo sa mga hindi magagandang naidudulot ng pera lalo na kapag naabuso ang paggamit nito. paano ko nasabing money, as bad power, can enslave us? simple lang. because of the pleasure and luxury that money is able to provide us with, little by little, we become dependent to it that we'll do anything just to have it, kahit pa mali. halimbawa na lang ay ang maraming taong gumagawa ng hindi maganda para lang magkapera. nagiging alipin na sila ng kasalanan pero wala silang magawa kasi yun lang ang nagbibigay sa kanila ng kapangyarihan - upang mabuhay, mabili ang mga bagay na gusto nila. nakakalungkot dahil pinili nilang magpaalipin sa pera upang mabuhay nang marangya sa isang mundong lilipas din naman. of course there are those who will argue that i'm not going through the same situation and i don't know any better pero eto lang yun e, hindi lang naman mga mahihirap ang tinutukoy ko, pati na rin yung mga mayayamang hindi pa rin nakukuntento sa kung anong meron sila. mga corrupt, mandaraya, etc. sa kabilang banda, paano ko naman nasabing money, as good power, can free us? simple lang din. freedom from poverty, sickness, debts.

isang example palang yun. i'm sure marami pa kayong maiisip na iba. and i leave that to you. ^_^

and now, the most important part of this post. hehe. cenxa na, masyadong maraming commercial bago yung 'main event' ika nga. haha. anyway, eto na yun. like i said, Sunday was the big night. during my prayer time, i just thanked the Lord for everything that He has done in my life, the people, the events, just everything. i thanked Him for my recent realizations, and for the so many lessons that i've learned lately. and then came the point when i got the answer to a question i dared not ask Him but kept me wondering for quite some time. like what i told shy and mama, i feel that i'm in a state of rebellion now. i'd rather not talk about it in detail but i'll give you a little background. hehe. ayoko raw pag-usapan diba? basta. hehe. well, ako kasi yung tipong sobrang mapagmahal, sobrang thoughtful. sabi nga niya, mahal ko raw ang mundo. siguro nga. i value every relationship that i have - family, friends, community, etc. sabi ko nga, when i say "i love you" i mean "i'll love you always". ganun ako. sobrang devoted. sobrang committed. [kaya sobra rin kung masaktan. oops. bawal pag-usapan yun. hehe. moving on. =p] i don't expect anything in return sa lahat ng ginagawa ko pero human as i am, i still long for attention, i long to be cared for, to be loved. and when i don't feel that i'm being loved back by the people i hold dearest to my heart, i am deeply hurt. siguro naman it makes sense di ba? kung hindi, well, sorry na lang but that's how i think. sabi ko nga thoughts ko lang 'to. peace. ^_^ so anong connection? ang dami ko ng nasabi pero bakit ko nga ba sinabi lahat ng yun? kasi po... hay.. ang hirap magkwento.. wag na lang kaya.. hehe.. pang-asar. basta yun, medyo nagrerebelde ako ngayon kasi some people have failed me. let's say na i got disappointed with how they reacted to the present situation that i'm in. i guess i expected too much from them also. tapos, hindi nila na-meet yung expectations ko. hanggang dun lang ang pwede kong sabihin. i may get too emotional pag tinuloy ko pa. and God reminded me, "Anak, di ba you live by a certain set of principles? And among those principles is to never let emotions get in the way. Control, my dear. You might say things you'll regret. Tame your tongue." ang galing. ang sweet talaga ni Lord. He's always with me. eto nga sumingit pa Siya while i'm typing. [thank You Lord for never leaving me]. so there, isa yun sa mga struggle ko lately, aside from my health. pero the good thing is, past na yun. hehe. kasi nga nung Sunday, naging malinaw na sken lahat. and i thank God because He didn't let me suffer for too long. sabi ko nga sa last post ko, He told me na masyado na akong nasaktan at hindi Niya will yun. His will is for me to be happy because He loves me so much. anyway, here's my conversation with God. i believe mas madali if i present it in a dialogue form. [i'll omit some parts ha? baka madulas ako e. hehe. syempre during my conversation with God, sobrang specific at detailed ng pinag-usapan namin. but i can't do that here. again, some things are better left unsaid. may mga bagay kasi na ako lang at si God ang dapat makaalam. ^_^]

Aiza: Lord, i'm so sorry. i know alam Niyo po kung anong nararamdaman ko ngayon. i'm in a state of rebellion. alam ko, it's wrong for me to feel this way. pero hindi ko po maiwasang masaktan. i know You understand Lord. hindi ko dapat maramdaman 'to, pero sorry po because i do. and i pray for Your grace para po ma-overcome ko 'to. i just pray Lord na i-guide Niyo po lahat ng decisions ko. and help me to do what is right at all times.

God: Anak, it's okay for you to feel that way. But you have to ask yourself, bakit mo ba nararamdaman yan? Kasi you feel that you're no longer special para sa kanila? Nasasaktan ka kasi hindi mo maramdaman yung care at concern na pinapakita mo sa kanila. Pero anak, tanong lang, una sa lahat, bakit ka ba nandyan? is it about you or about Me. you say that it's about Me. but ask yourself again, Ako nga ba ang dahilan?

at that moment, i feel embarassed. sobrang nahiya ako sa sarili ko. at sobrang nahiya ako kay God.

Aiza: God, You really are a great God. i am unworthy. i'm sorry it took me so long to realize this. i've been self-centered.. again. naturo Mo na 'to sken before, maraming beses na. pero eto ako, nasasaktan na naman nang dahil na rin sa pagiging makasarili ko. Lord, sobrang salamat for making me realize that EVERYTHING IS, AND SHOULD BE ABOUT YOU. You alone are God. ang galing Lord, lahat talaga nagwowork according sa plano Mo. i want to be holy, and that's exactly what you're making me. this is part of the process. i am being purified. and so, lahat ng mali sa buhay ko, dapat lang itama.

God: That's it, my dear. You're learning your lesson.

Aiza: Yes Lord. and through Your grace, alam ko pong matatandaan ko na 'to. sarili ko lang din ang pinahihirapan ko sa ginagawa ko. pero Lord, salamat kasi hindi Ka napapagod turuan at paalalahanan ako. it is Your will na mag-isa ako para mas ma-recognize ko yung presence Mo. tama lang din naman, i should detach myself from the world and everything in it. ang galing po talaga, yun din yung sinabi ko sa previous blog ko, and yun nga talaga yung dapat kong gawin. salamat po kasi You're there para alalayan ako. You are enough Lord, there is nothing i shall want. i should not rely on people. i just have to trust You. salamat po. Lord, sana lagi tayong ganito. sana lagi ko po Kayong makausap nang ganito ka-intimate. because i love talking to You Lord. i'm learning a lot.

God: Anak, lagi naman Akong nandito. Hinihintay lang kita. ^_^

hay. it's so nice to relive that moment. i wish i could share exactly how i felt pero it's better na kayo mismo maka-experience nun. it's never boring to talk to God. try nyo, hindi kayo magsisisi. ^_^

hindi pa 'to yung buong conversation, pero i hope na kahit paano may napulot kayo. so whatever it is that you're going through right now, and you find it hard to comprehend why certain things happen, don't ask God, talk to Him. because He will let you find the answers on your own. ibabalik din Niya yung tanong sa inyo at kayo lang din ang makakasagot nun. tapos, magugulat na lang kayo kasi everything will make perfect sense. that's how wise our God is. at alam ko, once you've established a relationship with God, you'll find joy, peace, and love that nothing or no one in this world could ever give.

by the way, before i forget, nung Sunday rin, shy asked me if she could give my number to her cousin, for me to extend my territory, like in the prayer of jabez. pero more than that, God used shy to remind me of the message that 1 Chronicles 4:10 has. here it is: And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" So God granted him what he requested. focus on the underlined line, that's also my prayer. it's enough that i've suffered. ayokong maging dahilan para masaktan ang iba. may pagka-martir talaga ako e. hehe. pero kasi minsan, hindi ko rin sinasadyang makasakit kaya naman ang prayer ko is for God to keep me from doing something harmful to others. i want to be a blessing, not a curse. ^_^

[more lessons...]

5 May, Monday

happy birthday victor! ^_^

text message: while waiting for my doctor, i decided to read God's word and here's His comforting message: "I have told you this so that you might have peace in Me. In the world, you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world." -John 16:33-

amidst the many trials that we face, we're able to find peace and rest in the loving embrace of God. let's continue to walk with faith. God is with us. *He who anchors his life with God will surely reach his destination with peace.*

i composed the above message at the de los santos medical center. late kasi dumating si doctor mario. buti na lang dala ko yung In His Steps. ^_^

also, while waiting for him, i was deeply touched by a certain family. full force kasi sila. natutuwa lang akong makita sila na sumusuporta at umaalalay sa father nila. mama and i are able to talk to them. and we learned that their father has end-stage colon cancer. 12 silang magkakapatid at lahat sila, nagsiuwian para lang makita nang buhay ang tatay nila. sobrang na-move talaga ako kasi naalala ko si lolo. 12 din sina mama pero ni isa sa kanila, wala nung namatay lolo ko. hindi man lang kami nakauwi nung buhay pa siya. ang lungkot lang. pero yun nga, happy ako para kay tatay kasi alam kong masaya siya. bilang isang magulang, yun na siguro ang tanging kaligayahan niya, makita nang sama-sama ang mga anak niya. i was inspired by how bonded their family was. i always say that i have an almost perfect family kasi grabe rin yung bonding namin, pero 4 lang kame. sila, 14. i mean, ilan na bang pamilya ang nawasak diba? at ilang anak na rin ang nakalimot? reality yun. kaya naman sobrang nakakatuwa kapag nakakakita ako ng isang pamilyang buo at sama-sama, lalo na yung isang pamilyang binubuo ng maraming miyembro. since monday, i've been praying for them. na sana hanggang sa pinakadulong henerasyon ng lahi nila, madala nila yung ganung closeness at bonding. at sana maka-inspire pa sila ng maraming pamilya. how good the world will be if all the families are bonded by love, united by faith, and inseparable even by distance.

[evening came and i am about to sleep]

nelson asked me: what is spiritual freedom?

here's my reply: it is something that can be achieved only by God's grace. he who has spiritual freedom has been freed from the bondage of sin. it allows you to live in peace because God is in you already. it's living with the guidance of the Spirit. "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

at syempre po, definition ko lang yan. i may be wrong, i may be right. ^_^

6 May, Tuesday

happy birthday jb, ate eden, and mico! ^_^

hindi ako halos makabangon. sobrang pagod nung monday dahil buong araw ako sa ospital, sa de los santos at sa orthopedic. sinusumpong din ako ng teribleng headache at matinding stomach pain. pero kinaya ko. sa tulong na rin ng Bible. truly, God's word is my daily bread - the bread of life. ^_^

"But none of these things move me; nor do i count my life dear to myself, so that i may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which i received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." -Paul, Acts 20:24-

Paul inspired me today. Like him, may we be able to be faithful soldiers, part of God's army who will testify to His love and will bring the good news of salvation to everyone. Let's continue to fight for our God and win the world for Him. Life is worth living if we're living it all for the Lord. ^_^

7 May, Wednesday

happy birthday ate michelle and jhing! ^_^

therapy again. today, i smiled, laughed, was happy, and was touched for the following reasons (and i thank God for these little moments):

*shy's message: Let's be His children eager to know what ther pasalubong of their Father is. (talk about God's surprises. nice no? shy is such a blessing to me. she hasn't failed to inspire every single day since we first met.)

*e.g.: kakulitan ko siya habang nasa biyahe. nakalimutan daw niyang baliktarin ang utak niya kaya hindi niya na-realize na bago dumating ng quiapo, dadaan muna lawton. hehe.

*binoy's picture message: "calling... Jesus" i'll send that picmsg sa lahat ng globe subscriber sa phonebook ko.. hehe.. globe lang talaga.. =D (eto yung dapat na message ko kaya lang hindi enough yung space e, 60 characters lang ang allowed: when you have no light to guide you and no one to walk beside you, call on Jesus, and He will come to you. the line to heaven is the only line that is always open and available. no network problems, just fast and reliable communication. God is waiting for us. have a good conversation with Him. ^_^)

*jollibee's kiddie crew: sobrang cute nila. wala lang. nakakatuwa lang. sa jollibee banawe sila, sana meron din sa iba. they are rich kids who are being trained to see the world beyond the four walls of their grand houses. ang nice lang kasi bata palang sila, natututo na sila makisama sa mga taong hindi naman nila kilala. parang nido commercial, they get dirty, but at least, they learn. ^_^

*isang cute na batang lalaki na bumati sken sa jollibee (sa banawe rin): umakyat ako para mag-cr. tapos nung nakita niya ako sa hagdan, sabi niya, "hello" sabay ngiti. ang cute, sobra. he's about two years old. ^_^

*ojie: the new intern na humawak sken kanina. he's from ust at mega-asaran talaga kame kasi nalaman niyang up ako. hehe. panakot niya sken yung kuryente, siya kasi may control e. kaya lang badtrip daw siya kasi.. hehe.. tama bang ikwento? basta yun.

*crix, shy, thothon, boi, mel, alvin: they cared to ask kung kamusta na ako. ^_^

everyday has its blessings waiting to be acknowledged. life is beautiful. let's appreciate it. be thankful even for the little things.

8 May, Thursday

happy birthday nap and allen! ^_^

today, God talked to me through the following verses:

1. Luke 5:31-32. Jesus answered and said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance."

[i read the whole chapter but these verses touched me the most.]

2. Luke 6:27-36. "But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful."

[here's my (and shy's) understanding of the above verses: the challenge is for us to love the unlovable. simple lang pero mahirap gawin.]

3. Luke 6:46-49. "But why do call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and not do the things which I say? Whoever comes to Me, and hears My sayings and does them, I will show you whom he is like: He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great."

[we were given the standards of living, yung standard ni God. we cannot say that we're following Him and that we love Him if we're not living by His word. Hindi enough na alam naten ang salita ng Diyos, dapat nabubuhay tayo according to His word.]

and now... the text messages... [i got some really good ones] ^_^

*Friendship between women: A woman didn't come home one night, told husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Husband called 10 of her friends, but all said: "No, she wasn't here."

Friendship between men: A man didn't come home one night, told wife he had slept at a buddy's place. Wife called 10 of his friends, 8 of them confirmed he had slept over and 2 even claimed he was still there.

Now which one is better? I prefer the first one. At least, totoo. I mean, how could I ever trust a liar? no offense guys ha? tingin ko kasi kaya niyo lang pinagtatakpan ang isa't isa e para pag kayo naman ang may ginawang kalokohan, mapagtatakpan din kayo. got my point? lam niyo yun, 'returning the favor'. but then again, every bad deed stinks, lalabas din naman yung totoo some other time. and most probably, things will just get complicated. wala lang, what's the point of telling a lie when you can simply tell the truth? and another thing, i do believe that a white lie is still a lie. yun lang. peace. ^_^

*Pretending to be happy when you're in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person... still making that simple smile when every part of you dies.

good thing i don't need to pretend.. because i am truly happy.. and i have found peace. ^_^

*Twenty years from now, it won't matter how you did on an evaluation exam or how good you were in school. No one will care how many pairs of shoes you had. It won't matter if you missed a day in school or what you got on your graduation day. Your highest score on a quiz won't be traced. It won't matter if your uniform was messy or if your projects weren't the best. But if you made life a little better even for just one person, that'll be remembered and that'll truly matter.

enough said. shy, thank you for this message. (at sa susunod.) mwah! ^_^

*What is maturity?

-It's the ability to control anger and settle differences.

-The willingness to pass up immediate pleasure for long term gain.

-The ability to sweat out a project or situation inspite of setbacks.

-The capacity to face frustation, discomfort, and defeat without complaint.

-Being big enough to say "I was wrong."

maturity doesn't come with age. minsan, maturity diminishes as age increases. hehe. no offense uli. i like this particular message kasi i was able to measure my level of maturity. i realized that i'm getting more mature with every trial that i face. i know i'll never stop learning. and i'll never stop improving. every day is an opportunity to get better, and i'm maximizing that opportunity. ^_^

that's all for now. saket na likod ko e. hehe.

God bless everyone!

~*For as long as I shall live, I will testify to love.*~

i give my life to the Potter's hand.. [witnessing how God works in mysterious ways]

it's nice to be typing again. i wasn't able to do this for the past three weeks. and believe me, there's a lot that i'm going to say.

first of all, my therapy's not yet over. my doctor decided to continue it for 6 more sessions. sabi nga ni J, one of the interns, akala raw niya graduate na ako. oh well, hindi pa rin. the thing is, i already left my old dormitory. ang hirap kasi nilipat ako sa ibang room tapos sa taas na kama pa. lalong sumasakit likod ko. if i won't be able to find a better place, malamang uwian na lang ako. baka naman may alam kayong room for rent or boarding house malapit sa POC (Phil. Orthopedic Center), please let me know. basta wag lang sa Simoun St. thanks. ^_^

sa nakalipas na tatlong linggo, at sa susunod pang tatlong linggo, si sir omar na naman ang makakaharap ko. he's my physical therapist. and i super thank him for taking very good care of me. kasama na rin sina ms. ronsie, at yung interns na tumutulong sken sa exercises especially sina grace, edz, jun, j, at si ate. ^_^

during my stay in banawe, i've met several good people with whom i have promised to keep in touch. una na dun si ate gien, my first roommate. she's a nurse from zamboanga and i really learned a lot from her. first night pa lang, mega daldalan na kame and i was honored that she trusted me enough para pagkwentuhan ng buhay niya. my second day was even better. i decided to attend mass in sto. domingo church, which is just a ride away from where i was staying. after the mass, i heard someone asked, "miss, saang chapter ka?" i turned back and saw a petite girl just about my age, and i asked her back, "SFC ka rin?" she said yes and we were both thrilled and excited to know more about each other. i told her that i'm from rosario and i learned that she's from malate. she gave me her number and we resolved to keep in touch with each other. that night, when i arrived at the dorm, i texted her, and she replied. that was the start of our sisterhood. in just a matter of weeks, shy (that's her nickname), has become one of the closest friends i ever had. indeed, our meeting wasn't just a coincidence. God knew we needed each other, so He made a way. ^_^

and then there's ate marge and ate nanique, religion teachers from general santos and bicol respectively. sila ang pumalit nung umalis si ate gien. they're so fun to be with and i also learned some new lingo from them. they're best friends since college and they're really cool. super kulit, lalo na si ate nanique. =p

aside from them, i've also seen a lot of people who reminded me how blessed i am despite my condition. they made me appreciate life better. and like what i told my chapter head, although i'm far from the community, God has made a way to reach me and to touch me through people, situations, songs, and the simple things that happen in my everyday life.

i kept a journal because the blessings and the lessons are overwhelming that i couldn't just let them pass (and i didn't have internet access so i cannot blog about them. not until now). i'll share some of the things written on my journal but let me make it clear that THIS IS MY STORY and i'm just sharing it. i don't have the intention to brainwash you or something. you have the choice to read it or not, agree or disagree, believe or just ignore. again, this is a democratic country and we have the freedom to speak our minds as long as wala tayong sinisiraang tao at wala tayong tinatapakang dignidad. i'm taking full responsibility for whatever i say here. sinasabi ko 'to kasi i'll be talking about a lot of things. this is a lengthy post. sa tagal ko ba namang nanahimik, marami na akong naipong thoughts, realizations, etc. but again, opinion ko lang po 'to. this is personal. my thoughts don't reflect your thoughts. you have every right to say whatever you want and need to say, make your own blog, join our community. ^_^

anyway, here are some of my journal entries. i won't be posting them in full though, (the ellipses signify the omitted parts) some things are better left unsaid. *wink*

17 April, Thursday

... my therapy is going pretty well although yesterday was more painful... i love how little miracles unfold in my life with each passing day... contrary to what other people have said, i am not stressed out and i don't feel a single stress coming through. i just enjoy every moment that i'm awake. i sleep every time my back aches. my life is simple and beautiful. i worry not. i just thank God for the blessings that come my way and for the miracles that i witness everyday. Shy is correct, God has a lot of surprises for us everyday, the appreciation is just up to us. today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. that's how i see things now and i really want to go back to Pasig with a very positive outlook and very high spirits. i want to be more beautiful inside and out. and of course, i want to be holy. i remember what the priest told us during his homily last Tuesday: to be Christian is to be holy; to be Christian is to be saint. i was wrong to say i'm not a saint (in my last blog) because true Christianity demands sainthood... i am positive that more good things will come my way. i just have to count my blessings and be appreciative about everything. this message was a great help: "At times you're sad about what's going on with your life, just remember one permanent fact: everything changes. Tomorrow might be different." and i'm looking forward to every tomorrow. i would also like to share the following from today's homily. "The seven wonders of the world: the eyes that see beauty, the ears that hear wonderful things and listen to what needs to be heard, the nose that smells fragrance, the tongue that tastes that which is delicious, the feet that brings us to places we need to go to, the mind that thinks of good things, the heart that loves, the hands that reach out to others in need. Our body itself is a wonder and we were created in such a way that all the parts can be used to glorify God. That we should keep in mind. And that should inspire us to live a life that matters. Live our lives with a purpose, that is to love and serve the Lord our God and Creator through our love and service for others. Challenging, but that's the way it should be."

22 April, Tuesday

... i am alone again, but i'm fine. =) i'm getting better everyday although i must admit, i don't feel that well today. i'm a bit sick. but again, i'm fine. and i would like to share the things i've learned from last Sunday's homily. it was about Jesus as the way, the truth, and the life. Shy shared a nice homily through text which says, "We need to see God in every aspect of our lives. Do we see God only during happy times or do we still see His light during darkness?" as for me, i try to see God everyday and everywhere. and as i've said in my previous entries, i try to look for "the good" in every situation, place, people, or thing. i have come to believe that miracles happen everyday and i am going to appreciate the little blessings that come my way. here's another homily from Father Babes Amper: "Day by day, seek to know Christ more clearly, follow Him more nearly, and love Him more dearly." nice no? ...

"Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world." That's what i do: smile. life is full of surprises and there will always be a lot of reasons to be happy... i believe that as long as you love life, life will give you all the more reasons to enjoy it. =)

i went to sto. domingo church to attend mass this afternoon... i was touched by the homily and for some reason, i was moved into tears. the Gospel was about Jesus leaving peace to His disciples. the priest told us that the peace that Jesus offers is not the same as that of the world. it's the kind of peace that cannot be taken away. and it has four components, if i may say: Jesus' peace = peace with ourselves (clear conscience, clarity of actions) + peace with our neighbors (benevolence, charity) + peace with the environment + peace with God. Peace with the environment is essential. Simple acts of littering can do great damage to the environment, and in the words of the priest who headed this afternoon's mass, "a messy, dirty environment would never bring us peace"... Peace with God can be achieved by aligning our will to God's will. we must be willing to accept whatever the plan of the Almighty is for our lives. anyway, He knows best and as He promised in Jeremiah 29:11, which is my favorite verse, "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." i'm holding on to that promise and in my life, and in everything, i say, "Your will be done, Lord."

29 April, Tuesday

[morning]

... for the past seven days, a lot has happened. but unfortunately, most of those events weren't that good. in fact, a lot of the things that happened last week brought me pain (physically and emotionally), and yes, i shed tears. do i want to talk about it? i'd rather not... today is the second to the last day of the month and it's a great opportunity for me to start over. keyword: START OVER! as i do that, i carry with me the learnings and realizations that i had during the previous weeks. being alone indeed has taught me a lot and it also gave me a review of the facts about life which i already knew but have almost forgotten or rather have taken for granted. as i reflect, i have come to believe the following:

1. words can lie but feelings can't... almost the same as "words can't immortalize feelings". the only word i can trust as an absolute truth is God's word. it's the only promise that will never be broken.

2. napakahirap kalabanin ang lungkot. mahirap, pero kayang gawin. enough said. it's like the saying, "if there's a will, there's a way."

3. lesson from the sand: you can't hold too many things. no matter what you do to make them stay, and no matter how much they want to stay, the wind will always blow them away. so learn to let go and choose carefully which you want to stay. because like the sand, only those which are at the center of your palm will last.

4. don't run ahead of God. let Him direct your steps. He has plans and He has time. God's clock is never early nor late. it always strikes on time.

i want to be somewhere peaceful. i need a break. i'm too tired.

[evening, just before sleeping]

i did a lot of crying today. in fact, i'm still crying until now. i was truly blessed and touched by God... sabi ko nga kay mama, uuwi ako sa Pasig na sobrang gaan ng pakiramdam, mas malapit kay God, at higit sa lahat, mas maganda ang kalooban. today, i was transferred to another room... i tell you, it's really uncomfortable. i feel so alone, so neglected. and because i can't sleep this afternoon, i decided to go out and get some air. i had lunch/merienda first and after that, i went to sto. domingo church. it wasn't an accident that i went there. i would like to believe that God sent me there. i was amazed by how God worked in my life today - from the adoration chapel, to the mass, to the confession - everything was, i guess, planned by Him. i went first to the adoration chapel, and there, i did a lot of crying already. i haven't been inside any adoration chapel for quite some time. i felt God's presence and i was grateful that despite my unworthiness, He still accepts me everytime i come back to Him...

i attended the mass and God, again, spoke very clearly through the priest. at first i thought i'm not going to receive anything that could help me from the homily because it was about the life of St. Catherine of Sienna. but i was wrong. everything i needed to hear was right there, at the core of the homily. the words came from Bishop Soc Villegas and the priest shared it with us. the message was simple: "if we say YES to God in service, we should also say NO to sinfulness and worldliness." that hit me. we should be HOLY not WORLDLY! the priest told us to ask the grace from God for us to be able to give our lives fully and completely to Him, without reservations. we must detach ourselves from the world and the pleasures that it gives. i remember one quote from In His Steps. "We may be IN the world but not OF the world." see the difference? again, i shed tears, because i felt God speaking and reminding me of what i should be. i wanted to hug someone. after the mass, i was looking for Shy but unfortunately, she wasn't there... [i went to confession, and that was the best thing that has happened to me that day. i can't go into details though, but i'll continue with the not too personal parts]... after he (my priest friend) gave me absolution, i asked him to pray for my healing from my physical sickness and he told me that he will always pray for me. his words were: "i'm with you in prayers." he told me to offer everything to God and believe that He is the Divine Healer...

this is a new beginning and it wasn't just an accident that i wrote the words "start over" because indeed, i am starting over...

even if i'm away from the community, God continued to give me inputs for my spiritual growth and i'm really grateful and overwhelmed. with God by my side, i will never ever be lost. i just have to heed His call. here's God's message which velle shared with me: "See Me walking with you every painful step of the way. Picture Me embracing you every millisecond, never leaving your side. Feel Me beside you, quietly bearing everything, enduring the anguish with you. Know that after the rain comes a rainbow." To God be the glory forever. I'm free!

1 May, Thursday

new month, new challenges, new blessings, and i am but excited because i believe that everything happens according to God's plan. today i received a lot of appreciation from unexpected people and i am eternally grateful...

let me share a thought which i believe came from God: choose what to listen. sometimes the words that people tell you are rather devastating than helpful. keep the positive attitude despite the negative statements that you hear from those around you. keep your spirits high, trust only one word - God's word.

[i think i've said enough. clear naman siguro yung point ko.]

... here's God's message for Shy: "Hang in there. I will lead you to a place where you can be happy."

when i read her message, i was deeply touched and comforted. and i said to myself, i'm never gonna let go of God's hand...

2 May, Friday

no more journal entries. i'm blogging again. but i've typed too much already. i'll continue tomorrow. ^_^

one note on global warming and other world issues: friends, let's be responsible stewards of the earth. save the planet. save the future. we have one today to save tomorrow before it's too late. ^_^

3 May, Saturday

what can i do to make you love me? what can i do to make you care?

i'll stop the world and melt with you...

these were the last two songs i heard over 94.7 Mellow (sounds good). wala lang. no comment. haha. alright! this is me speaking now. ako rin naman yung kahapon pero what i mean is yung ngayon, wala ng kopya. i'll speak from the mind (and from the heart). yung kahapon kasi i was simply copying what is written on my journal. wait. OMG! haha. i'm hearing David Cook's version of "Always Be My Baby". grabe, kilig. hehe. i simply love his voice. i love his performance last week, well, lagi naman e. he's my bet. ^_^ he brightened my day, really.

moving on... hehe.. ayun nga, masyado akong na-hook sa "always be my baby", isa kasi yun sa pinakagusto kong kanta ni mariah e.. isa pa yung "butterfly"... anyway, enough of that.. i'll continue to talk about my recent realizations and experiences..

[on love, rejection, the pain of not being loved back, and waiting graciously for God's best]

for some reason, naging topic of discussion namin 'to ni velle, ni mars, and ni shy na rin..

one thing i learned from the wedding singer: "why would you want to dance with someone who doesn't want to dance with you?" oo nga naman di ba? i''ll just wait for someone who wants and is willing to dance with me. hindi naman ako nagmamadali e. like i always tell my girl friends, we just have to remain as we are, beautiful inside and out. there's no need to waste our time chasing someone who doesn't realize our worth because somewhere, there's someone else asking for our hands from God. isn't that a lot sweeter? here's a quote i received this afternoon and i really feel that i have the responsibility to pass it on. it says, "when you fall in love, you go into a state of insanity where you lose control of yourself, consciously or unconsciously. what matters is that you fall in love with someone who won't take advantage of your insanity, but will respect you and take the responsibility of being loved by an insane person." girls, be more cautious. madalas kasi, we're the ones taken advantage of. kaya pray hard. ^_^ i don't know if this would help but i would like to share God's message to me on the 1st day of this year, during my moment with Him. here it goes: "My dear daughter Aiza, never give yourself away to someone who doesn't realize My word and your worth. You are precious to Me. I love you. You deserve a man who is man enough to know My word, keep it, and live by it. You deserve someone who would treat you right, according to how you should be treated, according to My will and My word. Until that someone comes, guard your heart from false and worldly professions of love. Trust Me. The right man will come along."

that was really comforting. and that made me worry-free. i can't make you love me. so what? i don't even need it. God loves me. is there anything better than that?

what can i do to make you love me? what can i do to make you care? the answer is simple: NOTHING. because in the first place, i don't have to make anyone love me. neither do i need to make anyone care. God is enough.

i don't care if you don't care. i don't need someone who cares just because he was told to do so.

so girls, especially those who are single, be happy. because God is keeping us away from the wrong people. all we have to do is remain faithful to His word and He will do the rest. remember, if God wills anything, He will make it happen. ^_^ stay in love with God. because only He can complete us.

one final note: i got this from leov. thanks girl. ^_^

Sometimes, you just have to put a period on something that has to end and not just settle on a comma. Why? Coz time will come, you'll realize that it's nicer to see a complete sentence, rather than seeing a phrase that keeps on hanging and no longer makes any sense.

guys, take it from me, it's okay to hold on but not for too long. they say that love hurts, yes it does, but it should be a good hurt. learn to let go no matter how painful because holding on to something that is wrong, will only kill you. pain is good as long as it keeps you alive. but once it starts to kill you, you better get rid of it. stay alive people. because life is beautiful.

to end this post, here are the best lessons/reviews/realizations that i have (aside from those i already mentioned) as of this moment:

*do what is right at all times, at all cost.

*never get yourself attached to the world and everything in it - the people, the places, the things, the animals, everything. because the world is changing and temporary and so is everything (even people change. that's a fact!). why attach yourself to something that won't last? instead, secure yourself by holding on to God. for He alone is constant. He alone is permanent. there's no better place than home. and our only true home is in God's kingdom.

*don't ask 'why'. believe that everything happens for a reason. God knows best. and He's in control. let Him be in control.

the past couple of weeks seemed like a training period for me. sabi ko nga kay shy, i feel that i'm on a spiritual journey towards rebirth and reunion with God. and i'm glad to have her as my companion. we're both struggling on some personal issues but we both know that everything is just a test. we want to be holy, so God is purifying our hearts. we're getting better everyday and we're determined to walk the path to righteousness and holiness. we're already Singles for Christ, but more than that, we want to be Ladies for Christ. (actually, ako lang nakaisip nun.. hehe.. sorry shy, dinamay kita.. agree ka naman diba? haha.. pinilit..).

i'm so inspired, full of good vibes. i don't know, i'm just happy. kahit na ilang beses akong umiyak ngayong linggo, ayos lang. kasi sabi ko nga kay velle, yung mga luhang yun ang nagpalaya sken. kanina, nung nag-usap kami ni mama, naiyak din ako. kasi ang sakit talaga. pero after that, ok na uli ako. ganun talaga. unfair ang buhay. hindi dahil mabait ka, mabait din sila. hindi dahil nag-aalala ka sa kanila, nag-aalala din sila sa'yo. siguro nakukulitan na rin si God sken kasi ilang beses na rin Niyang sinabi sken yun. i can picture Him now talking to me, "Anak, siguro naman ngayon natuto ka na talaga. Tama na ha? Masyado ka ng nasaktan. Tama na. Nandito Ako. Maniwala ka. Tandaan mo lahat ng sinulat mo ngayon. Dahil lahat ng 'to, hindi para sa iba, para sayo. Read your blog my dear. Reflect. This is my message to you. I love you my daughter. And you will always be special, hindi man sa mundo, pero para sa Akin, mahalaga ka."

i'm smiling now. because i just felt God's embrace. i know i'll be fine. i'll always be fine. ^_^

am i supposed to be happy, when all i ever wanted, it comes with a price? - i know i said before that this is the best RJA song i've ever heard so far. well, it still is. but i just want to say that, i am happy. because all i ever wanted was to be loved and cared for. and guess what? God loves me. God cares for me. and God's love is for free. i don't need to pay anything because Jesus already paid for my sins even before i came into being.

nakakaloko yung mga kanta, ngayon "Empty" naman ng The Click Five... hehe... and now, "Nine in the Afternoon" (Panic at the Disco).. listen to Mellow 94.7, mawiwindang din kayo.. haha.. seriously, it's a good station.. good choices of music.. you'll learn a lot from the djs, lalo na kay DJ Marco. warning lang, medyo marami silang ka-sentihan.. so if you're kinda emotional, medyo madadala kayo.. just remember one thing, you are the master of your emotions.. you should be.. tsaka focus on God.. yun lang.. sabi ko nga kanina, piliing mabuti kung alin ang pakikinggan niyo dahil hindi lahat makakabuti at makakatulong. ^_^

[last song before i shut the pc down.. i'm not missing you.. i'm not going through the motions praying and hoping you'd call me.. i'm not missing you.. you might have had me open but i must be going because i got life to do.. i know i'm usually hanging on, i used to hate to see you go.. but this time it's different.. i don't even feel the distance.. i'm not missing, i'm not missing you..

some other nice lines from the same song.. what good is love when it keeps on hurting me?... love is good when it is right..]

may God's blessing and guidance be upon you always.

to God be the glory.

~*float like a butterfly. sting like a bee.*~