the best RJA song i've heard so far..

CAT AND MOUSE [Red Jumpsuit Apparatus]

Softly we tremble tonight,
picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight,
I said I'd never leave, you'll never change
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life.

Am I supposed to be happy?
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me...

We made plans to grow old,
believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told.
Lost in a simple game cat and mouse are we the same people as before this came to light?

Am I supposed to be happy?
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me...

You must live for me too...
For me too....

yeah, yeah....

You said that you would die for me....

Am I supposed to be happy?
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me....

>>wala lang.. hehe.. by the way, can't help but share this.. a guy friend sent me a message which goes like this: if only i'm an angel, i'll protect you.. lend you my wings.. watch over you.. but what can i do? e demonyo ako! so pano, patayin ko na lang magpapaiyak sayo? =) i replied back: marami ka na pa lang papatayin kung ganun.. hehe.. and his reply was: ganun? ok lang.. kaya ko naman mag-massacre e.. hehe.. wala lang uli.. na-touch lang ako.. at least i know there are people who are willing to kill for me.. hehe.. what i mean is, there are people who love me deeply.. people who accept me for who i am.. so why would i care about the people who can't appreciate me? i'm being loved.. not just by one, but by many.. and most of all, i'm being loved by God.. is there anything better than that? none i guess.. ^_^

GROWTH..

I'm sorry, I forgot the 'T' in my last post..

T-rust God for every detail of your life.

Again, GROWTH stands for:

G-o to God daily in prayer.

R-ead God’s word daily.

O-bey (even when it’s difficult, even when it’s out of our comfort zones).

W-itness.

T-rust God for every detail of your life.

H-oly Spirit: to control and guide us daily.

@HOME

15^th Singles for Christ International Leaders’ Conference

Expo Filipino, Clark Field Pampanga

February 15-17, 2008

@HOME

Singles in God’s Heart

It’s my first conference since I’ve been in the community, and I swear, it won’t be my last!

It was everything I needed and it’s an affirmation of God’s love and power. I can’t help but share the experience that I had. It was overwhelming, something I’ve never had before.

Sidh and I arrived on Friday night, and sad to say, the praisefest has already ended. Not much has happened. After the talk show, which was really fun, I decided to just rest. There were activities outside – party, acoustic night, movies, etc – but I was too tired to enjoy.

The following day, Saturday, we woke up at 3am and headed to the shower area. After taking a bath, we went back to sleep. We woke up [again] at around 6am to attend the mass. Then, we had breakfast. And the best part of every SFC event – worship. After singing our praises to the Almighty, we had the first session, followed by the second. The third session was on Saturday night, and the fourth was on Sunday.

Every session was awesome, powerful, significant, and most importantly, worthwhile sharing.

Session 1: At Home in God’s Heart [Tito Melo]

Home is a place close to our heart. It is where we can be our true selves and know we will be loved for who we are. Home is where we find refuge from the worries and cares of the world. It is a personal part of ourselves that reveals who we are.

1 John 4:16 says, “And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in Him.”

What kind of love does God offer? Unfailing. Unconditional. The kind of love we cannot grasp.

The safest place to be is in God’s hands, under His care.

God expresses His love to us in very human ways: His healing touch, His guiding hand, and His warm embrace.

And having experienced this kind of love, what must our response be?

Ephesians 5:2 states, “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.”

And according to 1 John 4:11, “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”

Tito Melo mentioned about the “power hug.” It’s a quick hug to brighten up someone else’s day. Studies have shown that hugging reduces stress. And personally, I love hugs. I prefer hugs than kisses. The warmth of a hug touches the soul, soothes the heart, and eases every pain. That’s what we’re asked to give others: a hug of encouragement, of comfort, of genuine love.

Because we’re at home in God’s heart and in God’s love, we must in turn, be God’s touching hand to others.

Session 2: Journeying Home [Tita Sam]

Our journey home begins with loving ourselves, simply because God made us and therefore we must be beautiful and lovable. He created us because He wants to love us and He has planned a wonderful purpose for our existence.

We were asked to close our eyes and think of the happiest place we’ve been to. And guess what? Most of us thought of home.

These are the things I would never forget about Tita Sam’s talk.

*We cannot change what we are in nature, but we can enhance it. A person who is not good inside would never look good outside. Inner beauty is all that matters.

*If we measure our self-worth based on the standards of this world, we will never be satisfied.

*Only God can complete you. The all-time favorite line from the movie Jerry Maguire, “you complete me”, will never be true. It’s more appropriate to say, “you compliment me.” First and foremost, you must already be complete before you give yourself to someone.

Matthew 10:29-31 say, “Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

We are more important than the sparrows, and God cares for us more than he does for the sparrows.

*Choose well and pray about whom to love and how to love.

1 John 4:9 says, “In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.”

*Forgive yourself. [Need I say more? I’ve done this already, and it liberated me. Truly, forgiving myself was the first step to achieve peace.]

*Prayer is the answer. If you want answers, talk to God.

*See life and see yourself as God sees you. Never undermine your worth.

Workshop: Is it You God… Or Is It Me?

How do we recognize the voice of God?

1. Believe that God reveals Himself to us [because He wants to create a relationship with us].

-God is always present.

Revelation 3:20-21 say, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.”

-God wants to have union with us.

2. God wants to reveal to us our true identity.

-Our true identity is based on our relationship with God.

1 John 3:11 says, “For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another”

3. God wants to heal us, to remove the blocks to his revelations.

-blocks could include fears, troubles, anger, etc

-two main blocks to God’s revelation within our hearts: sin & unforgiveness

-forgiveness is divine; by the power of God

-as we forgive, we experience healing

4. We need the power of the Holy Spirit.

-seven Isaiah gifts

Session 3: Home (Bitter)Sweet Home [Tita Joy Katigbak]

Our decision to see ourselves as God sees us empowers us to love others. Love, however, is not without its hurts and pains, and this is a reality we gear ourselves up for.

Love, in God’s definition, may cause us pain, grief, and sufferings, but will assure us to eternal happiness.

Anything worthwhile takes time, takes pain. But emotional pain has its own share of benefits. It teaches us humility and endurance. It helps us learn lessons from our mistakes.

Trials lead to patience. Patience leads to merit. Merit leads to hope.

Pain is real.

Are you LOST?

L-eague of single men and women

O-n call to do God’s will but

S-piritually and emotionally unstable and

T-remendously in pain

Am I LOST? Yes, I once have been. But I’m healing now. And as I always say, I’m getting better every day. ^_^

Jesus wants to strengthen us. He cares about our hurts.

Forgiveness is the key to healing. Forgiveness is a deliberate choice. It is an act of will. You should not wait for the pain to go away before you decide to forgive. It should come to our mind before it can come to our heart. Forgiveness is saying, “I am setting you free.” Forgiveness is required. It’s something we need to do. [Enough said. I tell you, the whole of Saturday, God had but one message for me: FORGIVE. And I listened to Him.]

Healing is a continuous process. And yes, I’m still undergoing that process.

Hand over to God all the broken pieces of your life. Experience GROWTH.

G-o to God daily in prayer.

R-ead God’s word daily.

O-bey (even when it’s difficult, even when it’s out of our comfort zones).

W-itness.

H-oly Spirit: to control and guide us daily.

From the Homily of the Bishop of Pampanga

*In order for you to climb the mountain, you must pass through the meandering road of nothingness.

*When you are in full communion with God, you can’t help but be beautiful.

Session 4: Lead Them Home [Tito Taffy Ledesma]

Having experienced God’s love and healing in our lives, and having made our home in His heart, we realize that we will never experience the fullness of His love if we do not live as a disciple of Christ to others. We now take on the mission of allowing others be at home in the love of God. We lead them to experience His welcoming, intimate, and personal love.

We may be the only Bible a person can ever read. Be a living testimony. Grab every opportunity to evangelize and win souls for the Lord. Reach out to the poor (in spirit, and in material possessions) and the blind (by false ideologies, prejudices, etc).

We are known because we are Disciples of Christ. Let us be ever enduring fishers of men.

Our battle cry: LOVE DEEPLY. LIVE FULLY.

I remember Tita Joy said in her talk that loving entails getting hurt. And while it’s true that true love shouldn’t hurt, pain is something inevitable. But love anyway. The real measure of love is the amount of pain you were able to endure. She said, if we feel that something is lacking in our lives, we should try love. And I realized this: I’m loving too much then. I’ve had more than enough share of pains and sufferings. Therefore, my life is already overloaded. Nothing is missing; in fact, the cup of my life is already overflowing. And Kuya Pip told me to be thankful. Consider the pains as blessings…

“I’m so blessed, I can’t contain it.. so much, I got to give it away.”

The ILC has been truly a great experience for me. And it’s something I look forward to next year. For all that had happened in my 3-day sort-of retreat, I am more determined to be the best me, the best for God.

I AM HOME. I’M BACK INTO GOD’S LOVE. AND I’M LEADING OTHERS HOME AS WELL. INDEED, THERE’S NO BETTER PLACE THAN HOME.

I AM SINGLE…

… SINGLE IN GOD’S HEART!

grounded

i went to visit my doctor yesterday.. it seems that he misses me already.. i'm having ulcer attacks again.. and they're getting worse each day..

he told me that if i don't get better in one month, i have to undergo some weird, freaky thing.. i forgot what he called it.. i never paid attention to it because i just don't wanna think about having to go through that.. whatever that is.. and judging from the expression on his face, it seemed a little painful.. and i believe it costs a lot too..

my ulcer, according to him, is stress-induced.. and therefore, i must do less and rest more..

you could guess how my parents reacted to the news.. i was given two choices.. quit this.. or stop that.. none of which i would like to do.. i'm facing a dilemma right now.. i don't want to leave and i don't wanna stop either.. but i don't wanna die just yet.. neither do i want to suffer from illness..

so i'm making a choice.. the ILC would be the last SFC event that i would attend to.. anyway, i could no longer back out because i've already registered..

it's hard.. damn hard to leave something which has been part of your life for more than a year now.. just the thought that i would no longer get to hangout with them, sing with them, laugh with them.. every little thing hurts.. and in fact, kills me..

it's like i'm losing a loved one, more painful than losing a boyfriend..

i don't wanna do it.. i never want to.. but i have to.. it won't be long.. i promise to get better.. soon..

i was given one month.. one month to gain weight, to heal.. it's either i get better or.. you would never want to hear the worst that could happen..

i'm advised, and in fact, required to get eight hours of sleep daily.. bawal magutom, bawal mapagod, bawal magpuyat, bawal ang matinding emosyon, anything stressful.. bawal!

no coffee, milk, juice, soda, anything but water..

i'm grounded, in simplest terms..

i'm taking a break.. but again, i swear it won't be long.. one month.. just one month..

bothered..

i came to school late only to find out that our instructor isn't around.. maybe he's watching the senate hearing too.. haha..

i'm bothered..

bothered at what is happening..

i watched the senate hearing on the ZTE broadband deal.. and it's really alarming.. i admire Mr. Jun Lozada for deciding to do the right thing.. i remember Sir Jim's favorite line: 'a principle is not a principle until it costs you something.'

Mr. Lozada's principle is to do the right thing.. and it costs him his and his family's life.

but i strongly believe that every right thing is worth the risk. because in the end, the truth will always prevail.. and the good shall always overcome evil..

i'm still bothered..

bothered at what i have just done.. there he was telling me why i should smile and some really nice things.. but because i was having a bad mood, i told him 'like you care!'.. of course he was upset.. and so was i.. i realized that i was so mean.. damn mean.. [sigh] but i can't take my words back.. the only thing that i could do is to make sure i won't make the same mistake again..

it's not healthy for me either.. i worried all night and all day.. i guess it's true that the softest pillow is a clear conscience.. and because i did something really bad, i found it hard to sleep last night.. and even harder to go through this day.. it's hard to be bad.. i'm just not used to it..

i resolve to live each day as if it's going to be my last.. and part of living my life to the full is enjoying every moment i spend with the people i love.. i don't have enough time to make up to them.. so i better treat them nice..

[i'm sorry.. that's the last time..]

some thoughts..

time flies so fast.. it was like just yesterday when i was talking about the new year and stuffs related to it.. but now, January is about to end already.. it's been more than 3 weeks since the last time i posted a blog entry.. i do write on my journal but i barely have time to encode my thoughts.. i remembered having it as a resolution: to blog regularly.. but again, resolutions are easier said than done.. hehe.. anyway, i'm back.. and once again, i'll be sharing my thoughts and experiences during my 3-week 'break'.. don't be misled, i did have a break, but on online stuffs only.. the truth is, i've been so busy doing a lot of things - academics, part-time job, service, and a whole lot more.. the introduction's been long enough.. here goes my blog entry.. ^_^

let me first share with you some of the best text messages i've received since the year started.

*In the Lord's Prayer, the word 'love' did not appear; 'forgive' was used. Perhaps it's because forgiving is the highest expression of loving.
-> this is something to ponder on. when i read this message, i was deeply moved and i asked myself, 'am i really loving?' i think i haven't truly forgiven and forgotten yet.. but i know in time, i will.

*Coffee has evolved in years - with cream, iced coffee, coffee with choco chips or cookies. But no matter how people try to innovate coffee varieties, it still doesn't lose its distinct aroma. Just like us, no matter how we clothe ourselves with different personalities, still, our character remains. People may destroy your image, stain your personality, but they can't take away your character. Live. Exist. Let your character diffuse its distinct aroma, because no matter what, YOU ARE ADMIRED BY PEOPLE WHO REALLY KNOW YOU.
-> enough said. and i agree. ^_^

*You'll never find anybody that achieves great success in life without a give-up story. Nothing comes free. And there will come a time when you will find that you too will have to give up something GOOD if you want something BETTER.
-> i've found that out already. and i've given up a lot of things already. did i get anything better? yes.

*Do not ask the Lord to guide your steps if you are not willing to move your feet. -> some really wise words.

*"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy'. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is above all, to matter: To count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all." -Leo Calvin Rosten in Passions and Prejudices
-> good thing i'm living for the true purpose of life. my fulfillment comes from knowing that i've done something great, that i've made a difference, and that i've touched lives.

*There will come a point in your life when you'll get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. It's not giving up, it's just a realization that you don't need certain people and all their freaking dramas.
-> i've come to that point already. and only then did i realize that i do get tired.. marunong din pala akong magsawa.. hindi pala ako martyr gaya ng iniisip nila at iniisip ko rin dati..

*Live life so completely that when death comes to you like a thief in the night, there will be nothing left for him to steal.
-> ^_^

*Every person has been given a unique self, and the purpose of life is to share the very best of that with the world.
-> true.

*Being alone sometimes gives you space to grow. Sometimes, it's hard to grow when you're too close to someone. Remember that trees are planted far from each other so they can spread their branches and be matured.
-> oo nga naman. i agree.

and the best of them all..

*Love isn't just about the words, but the meaning behind them.
It's not just "you can trust me" but "i'll never make you doubt"
not just "don't do this" but "let me do it for you"
not just "take care" but "let me hold your hand"
not just "don't go there" but "let me go with you"
not just "i'm sorry" but "i'll never hurt you again"
not just "i'm here" but "i'll never leave you"
not just "don't get wet in the rain" but "let me hold your umbrella"
not just "don't worry" but "i'll never give you reason to"
not just "i love you" but "life has no meaning without you."
-> from now on, eto na ang basis ko ng love, aside from what is written in 1Corinthians 13. the next time will be the last time. and i'll make sure that i'll get it right then. no room for mistakes and heartbreaks. i've had enough.

ang dami ko na atang nasabi.. puro text messages pa lang yun.. should i go on? hmm.. masyado na kasing personal yung ibang thoughts ko.. mga bagay na mas mabuting ako na lang ang nakakaalam..

ok, share ko na lang yung lecture namin sa leadership class last Saturday. the president of Nestle Philippines gave a short but really powerful and influential talk. just like Sir Jim (P&G Philippines President), Nandu (Nestle Philippines president) focused on the fundamentals of leadership: attitudes.

based on the leadership model that he presented, three things make up a leader: behavior, skills, and attitudes.

and the two best advices he gave were:
1. know yourself (what you want, your strengths, skills, principles, etc)
2. be yourself (in any given situation)

my goal before the month ends: to reexamine myself, spend time alone, and really think things over.. i need to do a lot of self-examination, meditation, reflection, and quiet time with the Lord.. i need to think about my priorities, my principles, and everything else.. no, i'm not lost.. medyo lang siguro pero clear pa rin naman kung anong gusto kong mangyari sa life ko at sa mga buhay ng mga tao sa paligid ko.. gusto ko lang masiguro na i have the right reasons in everything that i do and in everything that i decide on.

until my next post, God bless everyone! ^_^

happy new year! ^_^

masaya ang naging pagsalubong namin sa 2008.. at masaya rin ang pasok ng taong ito.. sagana sa pagkain at higit sa lahat, sa pagmamahal ng bawat kasapi ng pamilya.. buo kami.. at pagpatak ng alas-dose, isang malaking 'family hug' ang sinalubong namin sa year of the rat.. masaya at sabik naming pinanood ang naggagandahang fireworks na matatanaw sa malawak na kalangitan.. mabuti na lang at iisa lang ang ulap natin.. wala kaming kahit anong pailaw pero nakuntento na kami sa aming mga nasaksihan.. buong galak naming pinagsaluhan ang masasarap na pagkaing nakahain sa aming hapag-kainan.. at mapayapa kaming natulog matapos ang aming mga gawain..

happy new year talaga.. tingnan niyo naman, nagtatagalog na ako.. hehe.. ayos di ba? ^_^

i'm just typing everything na maisip ko kaya bahala na kung tagalog o english o taglish pa ang masulat ko.. ang mahalaga, i am able to express my thoughts.. i just can't contain them.. masaya talaga ako.. may ilang naging problema ang mga taong malalapit sa puso ko at syempre hindi ko maiwasang maapektuhan.. but other than that, masaya at payapa ako..

i'm claiming this year.. sabi nga ni rowell, "it's my time to rise".. pero may dagdag ako dun.. "it's my time to rise and shine" ^_^

kaya naman para sken, kay rowell, at sa lahat ng umaangkin sa taong ito, a toast to us! let us emerge victorious! let's play to win! =)

this is my year, our year.. this is the start of the best years of our lives..

happy and blessed 2008 everyone! ^_^

Love & Peace,
aiza/unai