grounded

i went to visit my doctor yesterday.. it seems that he misses me already.. i'm having ulcer attacks again.. and they're getting worse each day..

he told me that if i don't get better in one month, i have to undergo some weird, freaky thing.. i forgot what he called it.. i never paid attention to it because i just don't wanna think about having to go through that.. whatever that is.. and judging from the expression on his face, it seemed a little painful.. and i believe it costs a lot too..

my ulcer, according to him, is stress-induced.. and therefore, i must do less and rest more..

you could guess how my parents reacted to the news.. i was given two choices.. quit this.. or stop that.. none of which i would like to do.. i'm facing a dilemma right now.. i don't want to leave and i don't wanna stop either.. but i don't wanna die just yet.. neither do i want to suffer from illness..

so i'm making a choice.. the ILC would be the last SFC event that i would attend to.. anyway, i could no longer back out because i've already registered..

it's hard.. damn hard to leave something which has been part of your life for more than a year now.. just the thought that i would no longer get to hangout with them, sing with them, laugh with them.. every little thing hurts.. and in fact, kills me..

it's like i'm losing a loved one, more painful than losing a boyfriend..

i don't wanna do it.. i never want to.. but i have to.. it won't be long.. i promise to get better.. soon..

i was given one month.. one month to gain weight, to heal.. it's either i get better or.. you would never want to hear the worst that could happen..

i'm advised, and in fact, required to get eight hours of sleep daily.. bawal magutom, bawal mapagod, bawal magpuyat, bawal ang matinding emosyon, anything stressful.. bawal!

no coffee, milk, juice, soda, anything but water..

i'm grounded, in simplest terms..

i'm taking a break.. but again, i swear it won't be long.. one month.. just one month..