i love you [period]

..this was the core of Father Louie's homily yesterday. the Gospel was taken from Luke 6:27-38. let me quote some parts:

27: But to you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28: bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
29: To the person who strikes you on one cheek, offer the other one as well, and from the person who takes your cloak, do not withhold even your tunic.
30: Give to everyone who asks of you and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back.
31: Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Father Louie asked: how much do you love? and how do you love?

According to him, the right way of loving is the Christian way of loving - UNCONDITIONAL, as preached in CLPs (Christian Life Program), conferences, teachings, retreats, etc.

I asked myself, "am I loving the right way?"

Yes, I love without conditions. I accept people for who they are. I don't judge. And I really believe in the capacity of an individual to change for the better.

But something is still wrong. And I came to realize the "missing link", if I may say so. Love, specifically unconditional love, is prone to abuse.

I always receive comments from family and friends on the way I love. And usually, they all say the same thing: you love too much! leave a little for yourself.

I would always wonder, "Wait, isn't love supposed to be unconditional? That's what I'm doing. I'm loving without "if's", "but's", "because", etc. I'm simply loving."

I thought I was doing the right thing all along..

Until God woke me up from the bad dream and showed me what really is the RIGHT way of loving.

I must say that I learned my lesson the hard way, but I am thankful that I learned it. ^_^

God made it clear, now more than ever, that love is supposed to be unconditional, but it isn't supposed to be limitless. (C'mon! Limits! I remember Math 53 and 54. Haha. What is the limit of 1^n as n approaches infinity? - someone posted this question in UP's multiply site. Hehe. Segue. Okay, serious again.*wink*)

Yes, aside from being unconditional, love should also be with limit. It's true that you have to leave something, even just a little, for yourself.

Ask me why? Because people CAN and WILL abuse you. I'm not saying that everyone will abuse your love, but I'm saying that there would be those people who would be overconfident to believe that your world revolves around them and that you just can't live without them. As a consequence of that false belief, they would take you for granted, mistreat you, and would consider you as something they own. And because you are no longer seen as a precious individual who has rights and who deserves respect, they can simply use you to satisfy their ego, as if you are a trophy they can display, or an award they can show off.

[Tell me I'm wrong and I'll give you real examples. Hehe.]

And when you've finally realized that, "Hey, this is no longer right. I can live and BE HAPPY without him/her." and have decided to live your life THE WAY YOU SHOULD - FREE and INDEPENDENT, they will wonder how in the world did you manage to do that.

Funny, but true. You will deeply love them (unconditionally, and yes, without limits), they will, maybe, love you too (less, and sometimes just because they have to), eventually they'll get bored and tired so they will find something or someone else to play with. You will be left - broken, wasted - a trash. You wake up from the nightmare, liberated from the slavery, and finally decide to make things right, live a full life, and be really happy. And then they (the people who thought your world revolves around them and that you'd be forever miserable when they left you) would know about your "rebirth", and obviously, won't believe it. So they'll try to win you back. (In the back of their minds, they're thinking: "he/she couldn't possibly make it on his/her own. he/she loves me so much. he/she just can't live without me. he/she is just pretending that everything's well in his/her life. he/she hasn't moved on yet - he/she never will. he/she can never forget me, maybe for some time, but not for long. i can win him/her back.".. and some other false hopes). But you are determined not to let your life be ruined again. And so you go on with your happy life. What about them? Well, they have two choices: Either to continue believing in lies they've made for their own satisfaction, OR, to accept the fact that YOU ARE NO LONGER THEIR POSSESSION, and that there's no other way they can ever fool you again. It's no longer your problem. Let them think and say whatever they want. Because what's important is your new life - and the whole new meaning of your existence - not for them, or for anyone, but for GOD who loves you so much, cares for you deeply, and sees you as A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON.

So... ? What now? What's the connection? Actually, I don't know either. Hehe. I was just typing. That's all I did. Sorry if I made no sense.

About the title.. well, that's it.. Love without condition, but with limit. Don't allow yourself to be a slave. Because in the end, the blame would still be on you. ("Alam ko naman kasing mahal na mahal mo ako at hindi mo ako kayang iwan.. (Kaya pwede kitang saktan, iwan, at balikan kung kelan ko gusto.)" See? It's your fault because you love sooooooooo much, TOO MUCH!)

You may have nothing but good intentions, and you may be JUST LOVING, but too much of anything is bad, so they say. And unfortunately, too much loving isn't good as we may think it is. Because it simply gives the other person the chance to abuse you and to be really confident - to the negative extent. It doesn't help you nor your partner.

One final note, again from Father Louie. (These were not his exact words. But it's how I understood it. ^_^) First and foremost, you have to the love the Lord. And the best way to love God is conversion. For how can you really love when you continue to sin?

I remember Ate Leah's talk, 'When you love God, transformation takes place. Mahihiya ka ng magkamali kasi mahal mo si Lord at ayaw mo Siyang saktan.'

That's all. (Actually, isa pa lang 'to sa napakaraming ideas na naisip ko. We all learn everyday. And we all come up with realizations almost every minute, or hour. We never stop learning. ^_^)