nothing good about goodbye.. the real one..

for the last time, i was able to spend lunch with my fellow interns.. i'll surely miss those guys.. i do love them.. my internship wouldn't be this sweet and fun had i not spend it with them..

i really hate the thought that i'll be leaving the company in less than 4 hours.. i really had a great time.. i swear!

and so, before i leave, let me tell you how great my co-interns are.. and by the way, please feel free to visit our summer blog in case you want to know what we've been doing the previous month..

here's the link: http://summer2007.wordpress.com/tag/chikka_16326

the chikka interns..

*sabz - he's our leader.. siya ang bumuo ng chikka intern-national community.. ang responsible sa paghahanap ng venue para sa lunch namin.. sobrang bait..

*julian - can't say much about this guy.. basta this week, 8:10 siya laging dumadating.. tambay sa batcave.. at mahilig mag-forward ng mga katatawanan..

*doy - grabe, ang hyper niya kahapon.. for some reason.. ewan, kape ate.. basta sobrang kulit niyang kausap sa ym.. rich kid pero sobrang easy to get along with..

*harley - well, sorry naman hanggang july pa siya sa chikka.. umm, one time nagdala siya ng isang box na kitkat at pinamigay lang niya yun samen.. grabe, sobrang generous..

*richard - pinakamaraming nabasa dun sa doctoral thesis at malamang he also got the highest score sa quiz namin.. mukhang tahimik at seryoso pero sobrang kalog din..

*bert - basahin niyo na lang comment ko sa kanya.. grabe, lakas-tama talaga ang batang ito.. ibang level ang energy.. hehe..
siya rin ang tga-bati namin ng 'good morning' at supplier ng daily jokes..

*jem - hindi raw nagsasalita sabi ni sabz.. hehe.. tahimik lang nung una pero nahawa rin sa kakulitan ni bert.. sobrang dami niyang requirements sa school.. ang arte pala sa ue.. bukod sa hardcopy, kelangan pa ng softcopy.. hehe.. syempre siniraan ko pa ang school niya.. peace!

err.. hindi ko na matuloy.. someone needs my help..

basta happy and sad ako na end na ng internship ko dito sa chikka..

hay.. i just hope they'll give me a chance to work here after i graduate.. yun lang.. God bless everyone! =)

there's nothing good about goodbye

today's the last day of my internship here in chikka and i'm partly sad, partly happy..

chikka had been my second home for the months of april and may.. more than a month din akong nagstay dito, and i swear, i really enjoyed my stay..

i was thinking of having an extension but my body doesn't want to.. sobrang ngarag na rin kasi ako e..

i need to rest for at least a week before the start of classes.. magiging madugo na rin kasi yung sem na 'to for me.. yeah, time for thesis at very crucial tlaga yun so i should be well-prepared..

umm, marami akong iniisip.. marami rin ata akong nararamdaman.. di ko alam..

i wanted to take things one at a time pero bakit parang sabay-sabay ata ang mga pangyayari.. cge, i'll try my best to organize my thoughts.. let's start from last night..

yesterday, nagpost ako ng isang 'happy post'.. because i was really happy then.. ok naman ako hanggang pagdating ko sa bahay e.. ka-txt si kuya ian, kuya don, ruthie.. ok lahat..

pero..

we had our regular music min practice..

hmmm... ayokong dumaldal.. basta..

alam na ni kuya pip yun..

err.. hindi ko na alam kung anong kasunod..

nonsense post..

later na nga lang uli.. pag naisip ko na kung anong sasabihin ko..

broken.. no more..

~*Those who thank God even in trials turn burden into blessings. So keep your faith close to your heart and God shall provide the comfort you need.*~

kung gaano ako kabadtrip kahapon, ganun na lang ako kasaya ngayon.. haha!

yeah, i'm happy.. i guess i woke up on the right side of the bed.. =D

para malaman nyo kung gano ako kabadtrip kahapon, here's an excerpt of what i've written para sana sa blog ko..

***
i hate this day.. nothing went right.. well, it's good that i was able to finish my task and that i'm done with the testing, but still, in general, i didn't have a good day..

i arrived two minutes late for the 8-5 shift so i have to be in the office until 6pm if i want to get the full daily allowance.. and yes, i chose to stay.. that money would mean a lot ,i swear! and i can't just take it for granted..

hell is listening to emo songs.. i hate emo but i love secondhand serenade, i love dashboard, i love dishwalla.. true enough, there's a certain pleasure in pain.. and now that i'm hearing that damn "every little thing" by dishwalla, it makes me feel broken, depressed, sad.. but at the same time, hopeful.. hopeful that someday, someone would sing me that song.. 'wish i could be every little thing you wanted..' and hell again, lifehouse! ...'you're all i want, you're all i need.. everything, everything..'

yeah, chai's right.. i can't move on by listening to these darn emo songs.. to hell with emo! but how can i ever stop myself from loving them? all i've been wanting to hear is emo..
***

see? obvious naman sigurong yesterday was a bad day for me.. hindi lang yun, nasira pa PC ko.. for some reason, bigla na lang siyang namamatay.. grabe talaga.. at dahil 6pm na ako umuwi, mahirap ng sumakay, traffic pa.. past 7 na ako nakarating sa bahay.. at hindi pa good news ang sumalubong sken.. at may natanggap pa akong text message na lalong nagpainit sa ulo ko.. i swear, nakakarindi talaga.. sa lahat kasi ng ayaw ko e yung sasabihin mo sken kung anong dapat kong maramdaman.. utang na loob naman, pati ba naman emotions ko pakikialaman pa.. err.. i don't wanna talk about it anymore.. mga walang kwentang bagay..

anyway, change topic..

so, why am i happy?

una sa lahat, ngayong araw lang ako nagising na walang new message sa phone ko.. masaya ba yun? hehe.. well, actually sad kasi walang nakaalala sken pero ok lang.. =)

i started the day right.. syempre prayer muna.. well, ganun naman ako everyday.. ewan ko ba, di talaga maiwasan ang mga hindi magagandang araw..

at ano nga bang nangyari? well, hindi ako matagal na naghintay ng masasakyan kanina.. buti na lang mapalad ako ngayong araw.. at umabot pa ako sa 8-5 na shift.. ibig sabihin, makakauwi ako ng 5pm mamaya..yey! yun pa lang, masaya na ako e..

pagdating ko rito, sira pa rin ang pc ko..so i had to report it to zer, our supervisor, who called the attention of the tech support..

after x minutes, kuya jojo arrived..

ayun, may ilang bagay siyang ginawa at ayun nga, na-experience nya rin ang topak ng pc ko..

after a while, he decided to restore the system..

good thing it worked.. and now, ok na uli PC ko.. yey! =)

that's the first good thing.. what's next? well, wala lang naman, nakatxt ko lang naman ang isa sa mga taong super miss ko na.. si ruthie! grabe, sa wakas, nag-abot din kame ng sis kong yun..

syempre chikka galore.. kaso lang nasa byahe sya and i had to do something na rin kaya natigil na kme.. later na lang uli.. =)

yeah, when it rains, it pours tlaga.. kahapon, inulan ako ng mga hindi kanais-nais na pangyayari, pero ngayon, good things naman ang bumubuhos.. hay.. i guess that's just the way life goes..

another good news: i'm done with almost everything.. actually, with everything.. =)

done with the setup, testing, queries, unistats.. ok na lahat.. kaya for the rest of the day, eto lang ang gagawin ko.. dumaldal sa blog..

for the meantime, eto na muna, later na lang uli.. lunch muna ako.. =)

God bless everyone!

it's so nice to be happy.. =D

current song playing on my mind: "I'll worship at Your throne, whisper my own love song.. with all my heart I'll sing, for You my Dad and King.. I'll live for all my days, to put a smile on Your face.. and when we finally meet, it'll be for eternity.."

when love and hate collide

can't stop the hurt inside..

how can i love and hate a person and a song all at at the same time?

i don't know what's gotten in to me.. last night i acted so badly.. just because of one song.. what's with 'your love' that makes me cry and break down?

i love that song.. i really do.. but in times like these, i hate it..

chai, you're right.. something hurts but i don't know where it is.. and i don't know how to ease the pain, heal the wounds, and get over it..

i spent my time looking for a perfect song to describe what i'm feeling today and why i broke down last night.. and i found not only one..

i'm not sure if i have mentioned this before.. but i have a new love.. secondhand serenade..

emo/rock/acoustic.. that's how he describes his music.. yes, secondhand serenade is composed of only one member.. john vesely..

and his story is really amazing.. i wish to have a lifetime partner like him.. someone who can sing me songs of love written with sincerity.. songs which came from the heart.. songs which not only contain words, but emotions..

why secondhand serenade?

"It's everything I would want in a band name and more. It basically sums up what I do. I write my songs about events and feelings that occur in my life, and I sing the songs to my wife. Everyone else gets the Secondhand Serenade." - John Vesely

isn't he sweet? i swear, he's really good.. and he hits me with his songs..

for more info, visit his myspace page: http://myspace.com/secondhandserenade

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know that I hate this song
Because it was written for you
*I Hate this Song, Secondhand Serenade

And someday, I promise I'll be gone
And someday, I might even sing this song
To you, I might even sing this song, to you
and I was crying alone tonight
and I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
So just come back we'll make it better
So Just come back I'll make it
better than it ever was
*Maybe, Secondhand Serenade

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die
*It's not Over, Secondhand Serenade

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.
.....
And if it's a hero you want,
I can save you. Just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breathe, it is dear. So please stay near.
*Awake, Secondhand Serenade

Take me with you
I will never let you down
I will love you now and forever
*Take me With You, Secondhand Serenade

I wish my life was this song
cause songs they never die
I could write for years and years
and never have to cry
*The Last Song Ever, Secondhand Serenade

I'll hold you closer and tell you I love you
but it won't matter in the end
It's obvious you're leaving soon
just another heart to mend
So what happens once you lose control?
When the future has to start
What happens when you're still in love
but time rips you apart.
Is there ever an answer
for when love is not enough?
*End, Secondhand Serenade

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight
.....
I'm not the only one for you
but you're the only one for me
*Stay Close Don't Go, Secondhand Serenade

I never wanted anything the way that I want you
But my words dont seem to matter
*Tested and True, Secondhand Serenade

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
*Your Guardian Angel, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

You're the only one I turn to
When I feel like no one's there
And when I'm lonely in my darkest hour
You give me the power
To sit and pretend
*Damn Regret, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

not related..

"if someone you love hurts you.. it's fine to cry a river.. just make sure you don't forget to drown the idiot in it.." <<--haha! thanks for this message leyn! i love it!

i'm akemi.. =)

Your Japanese Name, Anime-Self, and Personality!

Akemi Your Japanese name means 'bright and beautiful.' You're very beautiful inside! Heres a little um...'flaw' though. You're not the brightest person in the room! Or anywhere else. But who cares? Hard-work is proved to be the best thing in life! And you have that. You're innocent, sweet and a workaholic. You're extremely determined when it comes to your life goals, and people admire that. But alot of people wish you would toughen up a bit, but they can't resist your charming klutzy-ness. You are a very loyal and thoughtful friend, and anyone who befriends you will be in for a lot of understanding. You have the ability to know, and it seems like it comes naturally. But it's not so true, you've been hurt before. Many times, in big and small ways. But you found out how to rebuild again, and all I have to say is that keep heading towards your goals because your heart is in the right place. ^-^ Anime Personality-Like: Tohru Honda (from Fruits Basket) Take this quiz!

tickle says..

You're a Steady Supporter


Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.

For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

certified heart buff - heartstrings

You follow your heart when it comes to success


You're an impassioned individual who just can't suppress your ideals. You've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and want to let people know when they've crossed the line. Sure, there are times when you sit back to hear both sides of an argument. But people had better stay out of the way when your fiery passions take hold.

But just because you can be a bit of a rebel with a cause, it doesn't mean you're incapable of being understanding and compassionate. It's because you're so invested in your ideas and interests that you can work so tirelessly toward your goals and speak up for what you believe in. So keep pouring your heart into it. With conviction like yours, you're sure to succeed!

Do You Follow Your Heart or Your Head?

Brought to you by Tickle

jaded

MOOD SONG:

BAD DAY

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TICKLE TEST RESULT: WHAT's BEHIND YOUR EMOTION

Your strongest belief is honesty. 48% of test takers also hold honesty as an important value in life.

Because of your uncompromisingly honest nature, you generally feel most fulfilled when you can fully share your thoughts and feelings, good or bad.

People likely come to you when they need a forthright opinion because they know you are brave enough to tell your version of the truth, and you enjoy being around people who are forthcoming with their thoughts and opinions as well. Those around you have come to expect that you will generally "tell it like it is." You may feel that any untruth, even a little white lie, will lead to more harm than good. Your emotional intolerance for dishonesty — in yourself and others — makes you a highly trustworthy person.

*************************************************************************************

i really don't know if i agree to this result or not..my mind's not functioning well.. i'm jaded..

killing time again..

i was a bit emotional in my last post.. and i don't want to end the day with sadness and disappointment.. so i decided to indulge myself to my first love - music..

and what i got for today was some dose of real romantic, heartwarming and touching songs from 'the fray'.. yes, i'm addicted to them now.. good thing i was able to recover from my 'your love' sickness.. and i am now addicted to a new flavor, 'the fray' songs..

however, i'm not that fortunate to hear the songs because we don't have speakers here, you know, we're just interns.. =) but browsing through the lyrics is really good enough..

i swear, i felt love again.. and it feels so right.. i just content myself with daydreaming.. hearing him singing those wonderful songs to me.. oh God, nothing could be much sweeter than that..

oops, before posting the lyrics, i just want to share this bulletin post.. read on.. i swear, i agree to everything that's written.. =)

****************************************
every girl dreams that one day she will
find a boy that does these things for
her. even the smallest action can have
the BIGGEST impact in someone's life.


• give her one of your t-shirts to
sleep in.

• leave her cute text notes.

• kiss her in front of your friends.

• tell her she looks beautiful.

• look into her eyes when you talk to
her.

• let her mess with your hair.

• touch her hair.

• just walk around with her.

• forgive her for her mistakes.

• look at her like she`s the only girl
you see.

• tickle her even when she says stop.

• hold her hand when you`re around your
friends.

• when she starts swearing at you, tell
her you love her.

• let her fall asleep in your arms.

• get her mad, then kiss her.

• tease her and let her tease you back.

• stay up all night with her when she`s
sick.

• watch her favorite movie with her.

• kiss her forehead.

• give her the world.

• write her letters.

• let her wear your clothes.

• when she`s sad, hang out with her.

• let her know she`s important.

• let her take all the photos she wants
of you.

• kiss her in the pouring rain.

• when you fall in love with her, tell
her.

• and when you tell her, love her like
you`ve never loved someone before.

*********************************************

and now, the lyrics..

err, naiiyak na naman ako.. bakit ba? ano bang problema mo unaiza?! hay.. i wanna go home.. and lock myself in my room.. i'm trying to be ok but i can't.. c'mon girl, what's wrong?

hay.. ganito ata talaga pag stressed ka physically, mentally, and emotionally.. good thing i'm not having problems with my spiritual life.. anyway.. here are the lyrics.. for real..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ALL AT ONCE (refer to the bold lines.. they're the ones that hit me)

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
To another
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEAVEN FORBID (i really like this one.. i mean really..)

Twenty years it's breaking you down, now that you understand there's no one around.
Take a breath, just take a seat, you're falling apart and tearing at the seams.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

It's on your face, is it on your mind, would you care to build a house of your own.
How much longer, how long can you wait, It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

It feels good. Is that reason enough for you.
It feels good. Is that reason enough for you.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

Out of this one
Don't know how to get you out of this one, don't know how to get you out of this one,
Don't know how to get you out of this one, don't know how to get you out of this one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HUNDRED (for some reason, this song hits me too..)

The how I can't recall
But I'm staring at what once was the wall
Separating east and west
Now they meet amidst the broad daylight

So this is where you are, and this is where I am
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred

It's hard I must confess
I'm banking on the rest to clear away
Cause we have spoken everything
Everything short of I love you

You right where you are, from right where I am
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred

And who's to say it's wrong
And who's to say that it's not right
Where we should be for now

So this is where you are, and this is where I am
So this is where you are, and this is where I've been
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOOK AFTER YOU (this is really beautiful)

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you, won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

You are so beautiful to me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
next time na lang yung iba.. it's already 6 and i'm dying to go home.. i swear..

one word: sad

(on being a PPCRV/NAMFREL volunteer and some other stuffs..)

i volunteered as a PPCRV/NAMFREL pollwatcher for the 2007 national and local elections. i wanted to be really involved in this crucial event. i know how important the elections are and i never want to simply vote, i want to be part of the counting as well.

i expected things to be hard.. and yes, they are..

i woke up at 530 in the morning and prepared myself for a long tiring day, i know it's going to be a tough job but i guess i'm ready for it. in fact, i was excited.

i don't need to give a detailed account of what happened during the day.. i just have to say a few things..

i came to realize the following:

it's hard to be a volunteer. aside from the fact that we don't get anything but 'thank you', we also have to wait for hours before we could eat our sponsored meals. good thing i live near the polling place so i was able to go home and get some 'panawid-gutom' food while waiting for our lunch. but i'm fine with it. let's say i've expected it already. i don't really have a problem with that.

yes, we were tired.. who wouldn't be? but physical stress is much better than mental and emotional stress and i prefer it over the other two..

you might be wondering where this post is headed.. i'm sorry, i can't seem to find a good way of putting things together, of keeping my thoughts organized. i don't know where to start and where should i end..

this could be the effect of the three consecutive days that i've forgotten the meaning of 'sleep'.. my mind is thinking a lot but the words aren't coming out right.

but still, let me try..

i really don't have that much to say.. i'm just a bit disappointed with the outcome of the local election. and i'm talking of Pasig alone.

forgive me if i may sound a bit emotional, let's just say that i am among the few concerned citizens.. i mean, those who are TRULY concerned.

i'm not a loyalist of whoever but i am a lover of development, real action, pure service, and genuine care.

i respect the opinion of others and i don't have any negative intention in writing this blog entry.

i'm just worried. what will happen to the country if people would vote just for the sake of voting?

unfortunately, i can't say that those who participated in yesterday's elections were responsible..

sorry but i mean it.

when people are asked why did they vote for that candidate, they would say 'for a change'. when asked what changes are needed, they would say 'a lot' but they can't even say just one concrete answer.

my point here is that, why vote when you don't even know why you're voting?

nakakalungkot isiping hindi man lang maipagtanggol ng tao ang desisyon nya, well, that's if decision niya talaga yun at hindi dulot lang ng impluwensya ng ibang tao.

ask me why i voted for him.. and i'll ask you 'why not?'

as a Pasigueño, i am a witness to the many struggles of this city.. and i have seen how, through their initiative, this town has progressed through the years..

dito ako lumaki, dito ako nag-aral, at ngayon dito rin ako nagtatrabaho. salamat sa pinagandang ortigas center, kung saan matatagpuan ang chikka at ang iba pang malalaking IT companies.

i can't stop the tears from falling.. i know they're falling because i am hurting.. i am really disappointed.

i've never been this affected with the results of the elections.
maybe because i'm a first time voter and i've witnessed how people took for granted what seemed so important to me..

i kept on asking 'why'..

ano pa bang kulang ha? anong pagbabago ang gusto niyo?
hindi ba kayo kuntento sa kung anong meron tayo ngayon?
oo, kurakot sila.. pero sino bang hindi?

what is important is that you give to the people the services that they need.. hindi ba nangyayari yun sa pasig? siguro nga may pagkukulang sa pasig city general hospital, pero hindi dahil hindi ka naasikaso ng nurse at doctor dun e magagalit ka na sa mayor o sa vice-mayor o sa kung sino mang tao..

they don't deserve the blame. hindi naman nila hawak ang isip ng mga empleyado nila. and mind you, every hospital has its own admin.. wag nyong isisi lahat sa local government..

i don't want to sound like pinagtatanggol ko sila.. pero kasi naranasan ko rin naman yun..

i was rushed to the pasig city general hospital because my tummy hurts like hell.. when we got there, i started to vomit.. at sabi nga ni mama, namumutla na raw ako.. sobrang weak na ako nung time na 'yun..

pero yung nurse na tumingin sken, wala pa ring ginagawa aside from getting some useless information about me.. she even said that i might be pregnant which really made my father mad..

imagine that: a father seeing her daughter suffer because of ulcer and you would tell him about the possibility of the girl being pregnant? and i was just 19 then..

my father was so furious.. muntik na niyang masuntok yung nurse, babae pa man din..

they decided to transfer me to a private mini-hospital where i was confined for two days..

that incident was more than enough reason for us to hate the admin of that hospital but it didn't mean we have to hate the city council as well..

it's not their fault.. you could say that they must have hired better people, but c'mon, even the best companies have not that competitive employees.. i mean, it's normal.. sa family nga lang, may tinatawag na black sheep di ba? it's the same thing..

but the thing is, man by nature, as they say (but i don't agree), easily forgets your 10 good deeds the moment you've done at least 1 negative action, no matter how simple or how serious that action is.. and another thing, people believe allegations most of the time.. they are never fair..

bakit nga ba ganun daw ang tao? does that mean hindi ako tao?

good heavens naman! why judge someone because of one wrong move or worse, one bad allegation?

'for a change..'
err, hindi ko na alam kung ano pang sasabihin ko para lang ipaintindi sa tao na hindi lahat ng bago ay maganda at hindi lahat ng luma ay bulok na..

corrupt daw.. pero ano na bang nagagawa niya? kaya nyo pa bang bilangin kung ilang schools na ang naipatayo? ilang magulang at estudyante na ang natulungan?

here i go again.. hindi ko talaga mapigilang mapaiyak.. nahihiya ako sa nagiging takbo ng bilangan.. sa mga lumalabas na partial results..

is this what he deserves? i don't think so..

err, i can't continue anymore.. i'm getting too emotional.. baka makita na ako ng boss ko na umiiyak..

hindi pa tapos ang bilangan.. the battle's not over yet pero sa lahat ng bumoto sa taong nangangako ng pagbabago, sana lang hindi kayo nagkamali sa decision niyo..

parang relationship yun e.. sawa ka na sa partner mo kasi you've been together for so long already.. alam mo na lahat sa kanya, wala na kayong maitatago sa isa't isa.. and then someone comes.. he/she promises to add flavor to your life.. dahil sa bored ka na, papatulan mo naman, iiwanan ang dati mong partner para itry kung anong pwedeng ioffer ng bagong kakilala.. kaso lang, short time happiness and satisfaction lang pala talaga ang gusto niya at kaya niyang ibigay.. pa'no na? hanap uli ng iba?

the problem with us is this: we are never contented.. we always ask for more..

i'm still hopeful na mananalo kung sino yung dapat..
marami pa akong gustong sabihin but my heart can longer stand the pain..

i'm afraid i have to end it here..

i have to heal myself first..

killing time

i still don't have work to do because my 'nanay' here in chikka is in vigan.

but i have to stay here until 5pm or else i won't get my allowance for today..

killing time.. that's exactly what i'm doing right now..

i'm reading almost every recent post in the friendster bulletin board.. and i find these three the most interesting ones..

POST #1: 10 Uri ng Manliligaw

what i have to say:

i prefer none of the above.. hehe.. bulok lahat eh.. haha.. pero may kilala akong #9.. kaso lang di rin effective eh.. yung #10 naman, pwede na rin.. basta ba hindi chocnut yung chocolate eh.. tsaka, san ang karugtong nun? pano nya napapakilig yung nililigawan nya?

1. Mr. Gwapings
>> mayaman, gwapo, kilala, at higit sa
lahat may wheels. mataas ang
confidence nya na hindi sya
mababasted, kaya pag nabasted...
maapektuhan ng husto ang kanyang EGO.
at teyk note, malas mo kung may sour
grape attitude pa yan. pwede nyang
sabihing "sus kala mo kung sinong
maganda e pinagtyatyagaan ko lang
naman sya! pwe!"

2. Mr. Quickie
>> ang type ng manliligaw na kada
magkikita kayo e wala nang alam na
sabihin kundi "kelan mo ba ako
sasagutin?" o kaya "i love you na, ako
ba hindi mo pa lab?" kahit na isang
linggo pa lang naman syang pumoporma.
kung baga dinadaan nya sa pangungulit
para mabilis ang pagsagot mo.

3. Mr. Everything
>> linya nya ang "sagutin mo lang ako,
ibibigay ko sayo lahat, lahat ng
magustuhan mo. kahit ang pa buwan o
kaya mundo." !@#$ ka na pag nagpauto
ka. dahil pag sinagot mo na yan,
makakalimutan na nya ang linyang yan.

4. Mr. Stalker
>> eto yung type ng manliligaw na pag
nagkahiwalay kayo e sisimulan ka sa
tanong na "kumain ka na ba?"
pagkasagot mo susundan pa nya ulit ng
tanong "nsan ka ngayon?" "sinong
kasama mo?" "anong ginagawa mo?" at
kung anu- ano pa. basta tungkol sa
daily activities mo kelangan malaman
nya.

5. Mr. Take it or leave it
>> pag binasted mo ang ganitong type
ng manliligaw, asahan mo bukas may
nililigawan na sya ulit. at heto pa,
hinding hindi ka na nya papansinin.
period.

6. Mr. Salesman
>> dadaanin ka sa matatamis na salita.
parang si Mr. Everything din kaya lang
sya mas matindi mang-uto. yun bang
tipong.."ang ganda ganda talaga ng mga
mata mo.." o kaya "ang kinis kinis mo"
o kaya "ang lambot ng mga kamay mo" at
iba pang pang-uuto mapasagot ka lang.

7. Mr. Good Dog
>> eto ang nakakatuwang manliligaw.
kase payag syang magpaalipin. taga
bitbit ng bag mo o kahit ng mga
kaibigan mo. kahit magmuka syang
buntot sa tuwing may gala kayo ng mga
barkada mo. nagpapakitang gilas kung
baga. pero pag sinagot mo na, for sure
gaganti yan.

8. Mr. Anonymous
>> motto nya ang "action speaks louder
than voice". wala kang kaalam-alam,
nanliligaw na pala. kaya pala ang bait-
bait sayo. e akala mo mabait lang
talaga. hehe!

9. Mr. Second chance
>> sya ang pinakamasugid
mong manliligaw. kahit 100 tayms mong
sabihing ayaw mo sa kanya at wala na
syang pag-asa ang sasabihin nya
parin "Please give me a second chance"

10. Mr. Romantiko
>> jologs ang mga paraan nya sa
panliligaw. manghaharana,
pakikisamahan mga barkada mo,
liligawan parents mo at laging may
dalang flowers and chocolates tuwing
dadalaw. pero madalas nakakapagpakilig
sya ng nililigawan nya dahil sa


GUYS lam nio n b kung alin keo jan?..
GIRLS: which do you prefer?..

POST #2: This is Why Girls Cry

what i have to say:

i agree to everything.. and i would like to add, most girls also cry when they're overwhelmed.. i don't want to generalize but i believe it's not only me who cries out of extreme happiness.. happiness because someone appreciated my work, someone told me he/she loves me and i felt his/her sincerity, and/or someone cared for me so much and i was touched by his/her action..

this is a nice post except that the repost instructions are kind of exaggerated..

They Fell In Love With The Wrong Person

They're Mad

They're Sad

They're Scared

They're Nervous

They're Frustrated

They're Missing Someone

They're Alone

They Have To Let Him Go

They're PMSing

They're Pregnant

They're Tired Of Abusive Relationships

Their Heart Is broken

They're In Love

They Still Want To Be With That Special Person

Their Souls Have Been Torn

They Met Someone They Can't Have

They Feel Cheated

They Hurt So Bad Inside

They feel unloved

They Saw Him With Her

They Saw Him Kiss Her

They're Confused

It's Over


BOYS!!!: If any girl you know is
crying, and you see them, don't just
stand there like an ass and say you're
sorry, hold them, kiss them, and tell
them everything will be ok, even if
you have no idea what is wrong with
them. Girls go through more drama than
you can imagine! Girls just want to be
held and know that someone cares about
them.


Girls: Repost this if you're tired of
dealing with the drama, and you're
sick of putting up with the bullshit!

Boys: Repost if you're a loving,
caring, sensitive guy, who hates to
see a girl hurt like this and you hate
to see a girl cry!

Repost this in:

1 minute: You'll will find your true
love next week!!!

2 minutes: You'll find them in two
weeks!!!

3 mintutes: You'll find them in three
weeks!!!

4 minutes: You'll find your true love
when you're 90 years old

5 minutes: You took too damn long and
someone else got them!!

and re-post as "this is why girls cry"

POST #3: Number

what i have to say:

i answered 22, and yes, i am a pink power ranger simply because i'm a pink lover.. (pink as in the color pink, not the singer.. i like her though but not to that extent..) but those who know me well also know the real answers.. 10 is one of them.. the rest, ask me.. or ask them.. *wink*

Once you open this, You have ten
minutes to repost with the ONE number
that fits you best or you will be
single for the next five years.

00.... Ugly
0..... Married
1..... Single
2..... Heartbroken
3..... Single and loving it
4..... Want to tell someone you still like them
5..... Crushing
6..... Like someone you can never have AGAIN.??
7..... Taken
8..... Like someone
9..... Missing her/him
10.... Single but your heart is taken
11.... Like more than 1 person
12.... Taken by the best girl/guy ever
13.... Sick of getting hurt
14.... Confused
15.... Still like your ex
16.... Talkin to someone..
17.... Afraid 2 say I love you...
18.... I am just a pink power ranger
19.... Slightly mad at the opposite sex
20.... I'm a pirate
21.... Im a Ninja
22.... I'm a pathfinder

i can't think of a title for this one..

~*love someone and be happy about it, even if you know it cannot last forever. it's not about having someone nor about owning a relationship.. but it's about being happy because you're in love; there are purposes and meanings behind all events and these develop us, as a person and as a lover.. whatever relationship you have in your life now, is precisely the one you need at the moment.. don't pressure yourself with fear of losing someone.. instead, while you can, make the most out of what you have..*~

->one of those 'pasok sa banga' quotes, as chai calls them..

anyway, i'm glad that i've fixed whatever is needed to be fixed..
hindi ko pala talaga kaya.. ako rin ang naunang mag-sorry.. it's not true na kayang tiisin ng anak ang magulang.. depende siguro yun sa tao.. as for me, i love my parents that much that i can't afford to hurt them.. although hindi talaga maiwasan minsan.. good thing they understand..

i'm really blessed to have them as my parents.. kahit ano pang sabihin ng ibang tao, for me, they're still the best..

and now that we're ok again, as good as before, i feel relieved.. hindi talaga kasi ako mapalagay 'pag alam kong may hindi ako nalilinis na gusot.. lalo na kung involved ang parents ko..

God is good indeed! He constantly guides us to do what's right and what's good.. we just have to pray, ask for guidance, and seek the light..

have a good day everyone! God bless! =)

P.S. another good quote:

~*never let the things you want make you forget the things you already have..*~

recent quotes in my inbox..

have to erase them now but i don't have any more space in my notebook so i'll just post them here..

~*all your life you're marching onto your own tune.. one day, you'll be surprised to hear someone playing another tune that blends beautifully with yours.. that's true love.. it's not giving up who you are.. it is taking your identity and uniting it with someone else..*~

~*hurt: it's the reaction of the heart when it disagrees with what the mind tells us.. the fact that we're hurting means we know what to do, we just can't accept it..*~

~*one grows distant from another not because of hatred, but because of indifference, but because of fear.. there's the fear that the hurt gets greater as one gets closer; a recognition of the tendency to fall deeply, and consequently drown in a quicksand of stupid irrationalities.. sometimes, what drives one away is not the absence of emotion, but the overwhelming presence of it..*~

~*according to aerodynamics, bees can't fly.. because their small wings are fragile for their heavy bodies.. but they're able to.. because they believe they can..*~

~*we've always known what hurts, still, we haven't learned to stay away from such.. because as painful as it is, if that's the only way to feel their presence, we always give in.. we still check on them every now and then, just to see what's been happening since they left.. that even if sometimes we say 'i just wanna see him/her happy', deep in our hearts, there's this flicker of hope.. so then, its true, that the more you think you are healing, the deeper the wound is searing..*~

~*sometimes, you will feel like you just wanna cry all day.. collect all the pain the whole day brought you.. fill your heart with anger.. internalize every tear that fell from your eyes.. and feel numb about it.. when this happens, close your eyes and cry as much as you want to and end it with a smile.. life is tough.. but prove that you're tougher..*~

~*life has great options, but you don't always have to pick what seem to be the best.. sometimes, the best and the perfect aren't what makes you happy..*~

lies vs. secrets (the title doesn't say much about the content)

kasalanan ang magsinungaling di ba?

kasalanan din ba ang paglilihim?

hindi naman pagsisinungaling yun kasi wala ka namang sinabi e..

pero pa'no kung nagtanong? tapos hindi mo sinabi yung totoo?

kasalanan na yun di ba? kasi somehow, nagsinungaling ka na rin..

and that's what i don't want to happen.. as much as possible, gagawin ko kung anong tama at kung anong dapat..

in other words, sinabi ko kung anong totoo..

and what did i get from not hiding the truth?

eto.. almost grounded na rin..

ayoko pa naman sa lahat yung maraming sinasabi.. and alam nila yun..

pero yung nangyari kagabi.. iba.. God knows kung ga'no kasama ang loob ko..

at sa inis ko nga, parang nasagot ko na rin siya e.. hindi naman kami nagsigawan, pero pakiramdam ko, kung ako yung nasa kalagayan niya, masasaktan ako sa mga sinabi ko..

pero hindi ko pa magawang mag-sorry.. kasi masama pa rin ang loob ko e..

i talked to God.. nagkulong kasi ako sa kwarto para mailabas yung hindi magandang nararamdaman ko..

hindi mawala sa isip ko yung isang bahagi ng pag-uusap namin...

"tingnan mo nga yang katawan mo.."

"nakikita ko, hindi ako bulag.."

"ano bang mangyayari kung hindi ka pupunta dun?

sinong kasama po pauwi? sino naman yun?

'yan ang hirap pag sobrang tiwala e

may pasok ka pa bukas.. anong oras na matatapos yun?"

"..sabihin mo na lang kung ayaw mo akong papuntahin.."

gusto ko siyang intindihin.. gusto lang niya akong protektahan..

pero hindi ko pa rin maunawaan e.. basta ang alam ko, gusto ko yung ginagawa ko.. wala na sken yung nangyari before.. besides, hindi naman ako sumali sa community para lang sa kanila (i'm talking about the members).. sumali ako kasi gusto ko.. more than anything else, si God ang primary reason ng pagsali ko..wala akong pakialam kung anong ginagawa ng mga kasama ko.. hindi rin mahalaga sa akin kung minsan nagkakaroon ng mga hindi magandang pangyayari..

masama ba ako?

hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa kayang mag-sorry..

mamaya siguro.. bahala na..

ngayon tuloy parang nag-iisip na akong maglihim na lang kung sakali mang may hindi na naman magandang nangyari.. hay..

buti na lang nakausap ko siya kagabi.. hindi ko man nasabi sa kanya yung nangyari, alam kong naramdaman niyang may pinoproblema ako.. siya nga ata yung sumalo ng pagka-badtrip ko e.. pero na-realize ko naman yun kaya bumawi ako agad.. unfair naman kung sa kanya ako magagalit.. wala naman siyang alam..

if not for him, my day would have ended badly.. super bad mood talaga.. pero today's a new day.. medyo sad pa rin ang mood ko kasi hindi pa kami ok.. pero sana maayos na..

magtatrabaho muna ako.. habang pinag-iisipan ang ilang bagay..

sabi ni Bob Ong, "hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay kasinungalingan ito.. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan.."

politics as a vocation

In her speech at the Ateneo University recently, former president Cory Aquino enumerated what she believed to be the qualities of an ideal leader for our times. She said that he or she “must have a sense of right and wrong, of morality and justice, and a sense of kinship with all of our people.”

These are very general characteristics which can be claimed by almost every contender for the presidency today. Ms. Aquino tried to explain what kind of person she had in mind by giving this composite picture: “...the intelligence of Pepe Diokno, the charisma of Ramon Magsaysay, the courage of Nene Pimentel, the soothing and healing personality of Christian Monsod, the vision of Jose Rizal, and the commitment to the country of all the Filipinos at EDSA.” But this too only impresses upon the citizen the near impossibility of finding a living figure who can lead our nation at this time.

Perhaps what we need is not one person, but several, who can imagine themselves being “called” to politics, as priests and nuns are called to the religious life. Not every good person can make it as a politician. And as everyone knows, it takes more than an abundance of good intentions to run a government or lead a nation properly.

There are two types of individuals needed in government: the civil servants who will administer the affairs of government and not engage in politics, and the political leaders who will fight and assume responsibility for governance. Some of the good people Ms. Aquino mentions are cut out for administrative roles, but may not make it as political leaders. Others could be effective politicians but poor civil servants. What we may be looking for are individuals who, in the words of the German sociologist Max Weber, have a real “vocation for politics.”

Politics here is simply understood as the striving to change or influence the distribution of power in society. In Weber's view, this field properly belongs, and should go, not to those who “live off” politics but to those who “live for” politics. In the modern state, political power has become so concentrated in political officials that it behooves everyone who wields it to ask how he can hope to do justice to this power.

Thus Weber asks: “What kind of a man must one be if he is to be allowed to put his hand on the wheel of history?” Exactly what Ms. Aquino tried to answer in her speech at Ateneo. Max Weber – to whose writings all political sociology invariably turns – mentioned “three preeminent qualities (that) are decisive for the politician”: passion, responsibility, and proportion.

The first is passionate devotion to a cause, whatever this cause might be. The ideal politician approaches politics not as a playground for his ego, but as field in which he seeks to achieve a cause much larger than himself, his family or corporation. The striving for power in his case is a purely objective enterprise, which he takes up methodically and relentlessly, and dedicates exclusively to the service of “the cause.” He does not allow himself to enjoy it for “purely personal self-intoxication.” This passion, Weber warns, is not the same as the “sterile excitation” that is common enough among intellectuals.

The second is the feeling of responsibility. The true politician is driven by a substantive purpose. He is concerned with producing concrete results, not impressions. Therefore, he never takes lightly the responsibility for the outcome of his actions. He cares and worries if his actions cause injury to other people. Even as he passionately devotes himself to “the cause,” his political conduct remains rooted in an “ethic of responsibility.” This is an attitude that compels the leader to give an account always of the foreseeable consequences of his decisions. Thus, the responsible politician will never be heard invoking the authority of “ultimate ends” to justify indifference or unmindfulness about injurious results.

The third is a sense of proportion. Unlike the “power politician” for whom politics is nothing but an ego trip, the true politician maintains a “distance towards one’s self” – he resists the temptations of a “quite vulgar vanity”. He has an instinct for power. Yet he looks upon the striving for power not as enjoyment but as an unavoidable means to the attainment of a higher goal. Therefore, he never loses his objectivity. He is neither resentful nor vengeful. In victory, he thinks of “the responsibility towards the future which above all burdens the victor.” He does not exploit ethics or dishonor the enemy he has defeated.

This notion of the political vocation restores to politics the dignity it has lost in many societies. At the same time, it is a reminder of the arduous tasks that await those who are “called” to it. Because of my exposure in media, people often ask me if I have any plans of entering politics. My answer has always been, following Weber’s criteria, that I feel I do not have the passion for it.

I am filled with awe by the standards by which this great thinker, Max Weber, measures politicians and would-be politicians. He concludes: “Only he has the calling for politics who is sure that he shall not crumble when the world from his point of view is too stupid or too base for what he wants to offer. Only he who in the face of all this can say ‘In spite of all!’ has the calling for politics.” It is not of politicians, as we know them, that Weber seems to speak. He is really speaking of leaders and heroes.


PDI, September 1, 1996


**I got this from Prof. Randy David’s “Nation, Self and Citizenship: An Invitation to Philippine Sociology”

i hope this article would enlighten the minds of the voters and the politicians, especially.. God bless everyone! =)

i almost died last sunday.. lessons on appreciating God's countless blessings..

10:15 PM 4/30/2007

i can't carry on anymore.. i'll continue with this blog entry tomorrow morning..

just a quick overview: this post will contain my experiences during our Lord's Day and Fellowship in Batangas, my recent realizations, and text messages which have touched my heart in one way or another..

'til tomorrow..

1:45 PM 5/1/2007

i woke up at 10am today to watch detective conan.. i really love that show.. i'm learning a lot.. and here's one of the things he (conan/sinichi) said na talaga namang tumatak sa isip ko:
"walang tama o maling deduksyon, dahil isa lang ang katotohanan.."

anyway, eto na yung continuation ng story ko.. by the way, just a warning, this is going to be a long post.. marami kasi akong sasabihin.. let me start with what happened last saturday..

may nagawa na akong post last sunday kaso lang i wasn't able to finish it kasi sobrang sleepy na talaga ako.. plus the fact that i have to be up by 6:00am the following day for my internship..

after the long introduction, eto na talaga.. =)

on saturday morning, i went to manila to have lunch with him.. ayoko ng magbigay ng details about it.. amin na lang yun.. but i was happy to see him again.. i missed him a lot kahit na almost every night ko siyang kausap.. i left at around 3pm to prepare for our Lord's Day and Fellowship/Outing sa Batangas.. super excited ako pumunta sa beach.. sabi nga ni binoy, romantic daw yung setting.. well, it's not really that.. what i'm looking forward to is the serene ambiance that only nature could provide.. and for some reason, i have always believed that the sea could heal a broken soul.. and yes, i think i am broken..

when i got home, i packed my things up, took a quick shower, and hurried to rosario to help in the preparation for the Lord's Day ceremony..

hindi ko na sasabihin pa yung details kasi may mga hindi magandang nangyari.. may mga sinumpong, kaya medyo nagkaroon ng tensiyon..

anyway, naging masaya naman yung gabi namin lalo na nung praisefest.. lahat kasi ng kinanta, gusto ko.. especially yung 'heaven is here..'

after the Lord's Day, nag-prepare na kami para sa pagpunta sa Batangas.. while waiting for the other members, pumunta muna kami sa 711 para bumili ng iba pang kelangan.. at syempre i had to call my family at siya na rin..

nakakatuwa kasi dun sa 711, nagpa-picture pa kami.. batch namin at si kuya rap.. nung magbabayad na ako, sabi nung guy dun sa counter, "siguro ma'am ikaw yung pinakamaganda dun.." haha! natawa talaga ako.. kamusta naman? napansin pa niya ako.. ayun.. so bumalik na kami sa jeep.. at naghintay..
napag-usapan na namin ng isang brother na tabi kami kasi may dala akong pillow, kaso lang pinaghiwalay yung babae at lalaki para raw magkaroon ng bonding yung sisters at brothers.. so ganun na nga..

dumating kami sa lemery around 3am.. konting pahinga lang sa bahay nina bea tapos tumuloy na sa beach..

i wasn't feeling well at that time kasi sobrang inaantok pa ako.. kaso lang excited ang lahat na abangan ang pagsikat ng araw..

around 5am, may dumating na banca.. at nag-alok si manong ng boating hanggang sa coral reefs.. at syempre, sumama ako..

i was with ate ive, ate glenda, karen, jhoy, and tin.. nakakatuwa kasi sobrang layo ng narating namin.. at sobrang na-enjoy namin yung view.. personally, i was satisfied with that trip..

when we reached the farthest point that we could get to, we shouted at the top of our lungs.. wala lang.. para lang ma-release lahat ng dala-dala naming excess baggage..

i wanted to cry there but no, nature is so beautiful to enjoy.. walang lugar ang pag-iyak.. at that time and place, i felt nothing but gratitude for such a wonderful world.. ang sarap ng feeling.. it's a different kind of freedom.. and i've proven that indeed, the sea could heal my broken soul..

tama si binoy, sobrang romantic ng setting.. kaso lang i was with the sisters.. i wish i was with him.. with tweet2, with my family.. and isa yun sa goals ko.. someday, makakasama ko rin ang mga taong pinakamamahal ko sa gitna ng dagat.. but it doesn't mean na hindi ko na-enjoy yung moment na yun..
no, i was very happy at that time.. at mas na-appreciate ko yung sisters habang kasama ko sila..

and what's even more amazing is the fact that we're able to witness the sunrise.. and it feels so good to travel along the path of the light of the sun.. sakto talaga.. i swear, sobrang perfect ng moment na yun.. sayang nga lang wala kaming dalang camera.. but that moment will be forever in my heart.. i don't know how to explain what i felt upon seeing the sun shining and smiling on me.. basta ang alam ko lang, we believed and we claimed that something wonderful is going to happen.. for us, it was a miracle.. at thankful kami kasi alam naming hindi magtatagal, makakamit na rin namin yung mga matagal na naming pinapangarap at pinagdarasal..

after the boating, naglakad naman kami sa shore.. at dun na kami nag-bond nang husto ni ate glenda..

pagbalik namin, inenjoy naman namin ang dagat.. kaso lang may hindi magandang nangyari.. as the title of this post says, i almost died.. exagg nga siguro pero yun kasi yung naramdaman ko e.. seconds lang yun but it seemed forever to me.. that situation reminded me of the people i love the most.. i only thought of 4 people.. kung sino sila, hindi na mahalaga.. basta alam kong sila ang dahilan kung bakit ayoko pang lisanin ang mundong ito..

salamat kay kuya mer at ate yet na tumulong sken.. wala na akong ibang nagawa kundi ang umiyak.. sobrang natakot talaga ako.. i was traumatized.. feeling ko its already my end.. hindi ko na nga alam kung sino2 yung lumapit at yumakap sken pero salamat sa kanila.. their hugs meant a lot.. i wanted to call my parents.. i wanted to call him.. i just needed a hug.. that's all..

sakto namang oras na ng breakfast and everyone was busy preparing the food, except for those who tried to comfort me.. i tried to be okay.. kaso lang i'm still not over the situation.. ang sakit sa dibdib.. ang tindi talaga ng nerbiyos ko.. i did nothing but cry to release the tension and the trauma that i feel..
pero hindi pa rin talaga.. nilapitan na ako ni sidh para patahanin.. i won't forget how he tried to comfort me by treating me like a baby.. sabi niya kain na raw muna kami.. mamaya raw swimming uli kami.. i was like, "awww.. that was so sweet.." i wanted to hug him but i don't have the strength to stand and face them.. tapos tinanong ako ni ate glenda kung gusto ko raw bang maglakad.. i said yes because i thought that's the best thing i could do.. lumayo muna.. nakahanap kami ng perfect spot para umupo at mag-relax.. na-appreciate ko talaga yung ginawa ni ate glenda.. she just let me cry my heart out.. release the tension.. and regain my composure.. she just listened.. she cared..

nasabi ko na sa kanya halos lahat ng pwede kong ikwento.. tungkol sa taong patuloy kong minamahal.. sa pamilya ko.. at nakinig lang siya..

honestly, that near-death experience has taught me to appreciate my brothers and sisters more.. especially those who really cared.. si kuya mer, si ate yet, si sidh, at si ate glenda.. pati na rin yung lumapit para i-hug ako.. isa na ata dun si bea..

i really didn't expect those people to show such concern.. lalo na si sidh.. he's a nice guy pero may mga times na suplado siya sken.. but i was surprised with what he did and i appreciate that.. there are only two guys who have treated me that way.. leonard and sidh..

hindi ko matandaan kung na-mention ko na yun before.. pero just so you know, i lost my USB last march.. at sa sobrang sama ng loob ko kasi sobrang importante nun sken, nag-text ako kay leonard para sabihing tumawag siya.. upon hearing his voice, i immediately cried.. crying shoulder ko kasi talaga siya ever since i came to know him.. and what he said really melted my heart.. sabi niya "wag ka ng umiyak.. 'yaan mo, bibili tayo ng bagong USB.." what i felt then was the same feeling that i had last sunday upon hearing almost the same words from sidh.. different situations but same manner of trying to comfort me..

lalo pa akong na-overwhelm kasi nung bumalik kami ni ate glenda, tumawag si papa at nangangamusta.. naiyak na naman ako uli pero hindi ko na sinabi sa kanya yung nangyari para di na siya mag-alala pa..

bumalik pa rin naman ako sa tubig pero sandali na lang at kasama ko na sina kuya mike at kuya toto na tinatawag akong 'bunso..'

bago kami umuwi, dumaan muna kami sa taal church.. and again, umiyak na naman ako..

on our way home, si kuya mike, kuya ron, jan, at yun bag ni sidh ang naging tulugan ko..

pagdating ko sa bahay, hindi ko naitago kay mama yung nangyari kasi naramdaman din niya.. nagising daw siya nung oras na yun kasi nananaginip siya and when she woke up, she was already crying.. she can't remember her dream pero nagising lang siya kasi napagod na siya kakaiyak.. when she heard the story, syempre nagalit siya.. hindi raw dapat nangyari yun.. mahirap daw talaga yung sobrang tiwala.. i begged her not to tell papa about it.. kasi baka sabihin niyang umalis na ako sa community, which i never want to do.. alam ko namang hindi intentional yun e.. it was just an accident..

after kumain, at gumawa ng progress report for my internship blog, natulog na ako.. hindi ko na talaga kayang pumunta pa kina ronald para batiin siya ng 'happy birthday' at mag-sorry sa hindi ko pag-attend ng party niya nung saturday.. i texted him and told him that i can't blame him kung nagtatampo siya sken pero sana maintindihan niya..

the next morning, which was yesterday, i forced myself to wake up and prepare for my ojt.. tinanong ako ni mama kung ok na ba ako.. syempre medyo hindi pa.. parang ang bigat pa ng katawan ko.. dala na rin ng nerbiyos, puyat, at pagod sa biyahe.. but i have to be in the office.. kaya pinilit ko pa rin.. naisip ko wala namang pasok ngayon kaya pwede akong bumawi..

last night, he called.. pero before that, tumawag na rin si ronald.. and i'm glad na ok na kami.. bestfriend ko siya since elementary kaya naman masaya akong hindi na siya galit.. sobrang love ko rin yun and i never want to fail him.. it's just that nauna na akong nag-commit sa SFC.. pero yun, thank God nagkaayos na kami..

so, yun nga, tumawag din si leonard.. at syempre, hindi ko rin nadeny sa kanya yung nangyari.. as expected, hindi niya nagustuhan.. e medyo war freak talaga yun e.. parang si papa rin.. sabi niya, iwan ko na raw ang SFC.. lagi na lang daw akong umiiyak.. (alam din niya yung nangyari nung birthday ni kuya tj).. pero sabi ko nga, tapos na yun.. naiyak ko na.. nag-sorry na yung tao.. ok na ako.. hindi pa rin siya convinced and he's insisting a revenge.. tipong "hindi pwedeng ganun na lang yun.. pa'no kung hindi ka na-save, maibabalik ba ng sorry nya yung buhay mo if ever something worse happened? anong gusto mo, magpasalamat sa kanya for risking your life?" alam ko namang ganun na talaga magiging reaction niya.. protective din kasi yun eh.. pero syempre, ako pa rin naman ang magdedecide kung anong gusto kong gawin.. and i have decided to forgive and forget.. sabi niya sken, akala pa naman daw niya magagandang bagay ang ikukwento ko.. sobrang excited ko pa raw tapos iiyak lang pala ako.. nag-sorry ako sa kanya for not being able to buy balisong.. nakatulog kasi ako sa biyahe.. sa tagaytay na ako nagising.. natuwa lang ako sa sinabi niya na muntik na nga raw akong hindi nakabalik, pasalubong pa rin ang iniisip ko.. hehe.. syempre naman, takot ako sa kanya e.. at gaya ng inaasahan ko, pinagsabihan niya rin ako.. na may mali rin daw ako.. dapat daw hindi ako masyadong nagtitiwala.. yun din ang sinabi ni mama.. at malamang, yun din ang sasabihin ni papa.. sabi pa niya mas okay raw sana kung bloopers na lang yung nakwento ko.. mga tipong pwedeng ipalabas sa bitoy's funniest videos.. kaso lang walang ganun e..

ang dami ko na palang nasabi.. pero basta ang importante, na-appreciate ko yung nature, na-appreciate ko yung mga taong nagmamahal, at na-realize kong i have to be strong and i have to survive para sa mga taong mahal ko.. pamilya ko, si leonard, mga kaibigan, at mga tunay na nagmamahal at nagpapahalaga sken..

and of course, i appreciate life now more than ever.. sabi nga ni leonard, baka nga raw yun na yung miracle ko.. sort of 2nd life na rin.. hindi nga siguro ganun kadelikado yung nangyari pero kasi ganun yung naramdaman ko e.. sobrang big deal siya for me.. and i realized, i could die anytime.. and i have to be always prepared for it.. kaya while i'm still blessed to be alive, dapat wala akong sayanging panahon at pagkakataon.. dapat lagi kong ipaalam sa mga taong mahalaga sken na mahal ko sila.. at dapat din, ipakita ko yung appreciation ko sa mga taong nakakagawa ng kabutihan sken..

one last, happy ako sa mga natatanggap kong comments from people i don't know.. lalo na sa mga taong nag-rereact sa blog ko sa facebox (netlog na ngayon).. to soul_hunter, and to the pakistani guy, thank you so much! =)

i'm afraid i have to end this post here.. i still have some other things to do for chikka..

wala lang, bago ko tapusin 'to, gusto ko lang sabihin na ka-txt ko si kuya delmer ngayon.. at sabi niya, na-miss daw niya yung bonding nung sunday.. sana raw hindi na natapos ang araw na yun.. well, ako rin.. despite the not-so-good things that happened, sobrang special pa rin ng araw na yun.. at happy rin ako to be able to bond with them.. sa uulitin..

i'd like to end this post with a beautiful message from bernard.. thanks dude!

~*never regret a day in your life.. good days give you happiness, bad days teach you experience.. both are essential to life.. all are God's blessings..*~

good day and God bless everyone! *hug* =)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the following are my journal entries which i wasn't able to post in my blogs.. read on if you still have time.. the text messages are beautiful.. =)

8:03 PM 4/29/07 *this is the post i was talking about..*

before anything else, i would like share the following quotes i recently received from my good friends..
i don't have that much space in my inbox that's why i have to erase text messages regularly.. and today is my schedule of deletion.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES:
oftentimes, we need to pray not because we need to change the situation, but primarily because we need God to change our attitude towards the situation.

every moment we waste with anger and worries are moments of happiness we steal from ourselves. there's never been a day or night that God didn't remember you, not a moment that He didn't watch over you, never a time He didn't protect you, because God loves you.

it's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life.

it's hard to wait around for something that you know will never happen, but it's harder to stop when you know it's everything you've always wanted.

the starting point of maturity is the realization that "no one is coming to the rescue." everything you are or ever will be is entirely up to you.

it's not one great deed that defines who you are. it's the little good things you do to others day by day that counts. carry on! others may not notice but God does.

LOVE QUOTES:
there are things you can't see but you choose to believe..reasons you have but you can't explain.. mistakes you can't bring yourself and a love so questionable but you still choose to fight for.

if your heart gets broken, don't be bitter.. don't turn your back on love.. just keep on trying.. because there is no better remedy for love but to love again.

LOVE..
it means trusting yourself with someone who has seen you at your worst and loves you anyway..
it means teasing each other and laughing at inside jokes nobody but only the two of you understand..
it means feeling safe enough to talk about anything and having the patience to work out disagreements..
it means counting on someone who sympathizes when you had a bad day, worries about you when you're gone too long, and always welcomes you with open arms no matter what.

loving many people all at the same time is like eating candies with different flavors.. it's fun because you get to taste all of them.. but once you're done, and when they're all gone, can you tell which candy was the sweetest? stop fooling around.. learn how to let things go.. know that you cannot have everything.. stick with someone who makes you happy.. you only get to live once.. get rid of the other candies and do yourself a favor.. stay with the one you love most.

when letting go becomes the hardest choice you'll ever make, all you have to do is keep calm for a while & tell your heart "all things come and go, you only have to learn how to set it free."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9:00 AM 4/27/07
bloody chikka internship..

fifth day na namin dito and things are getting worse.. hay.. kamusta naman? quiz about the doctoral thesis we were asked to read.. coding of the subscription service (quote central - smart).. ano pa ba? i've expected things to be hard, but not this hard.. well, maybe because i am having this 'mild' influenza that's why i can't digest what i've been reading.. the result? i have to read that part again.. another wasted time.. honestly, i could feel that i am not in the proper condition now.. i'm not really feeling well.. i'm sick.. =(

i hope things would get better as i go on with my internship.. i still have barely 3 weeks to do a great job.. it isn't too late, is it?

by the way, if there have been difficult times, there are also good times, which happen during lunch breaks.. i'm really lucky to be with cool and fun people.. and we really get along well..

as a matter of fact, during our first day, after the contract signing, we had our pictures taken.. hindi naman kami camera addicts no? haha!