4 days before Christmas..

december 21.. you can't lose what you never had..

..sabi nga ng kanta.. hay.. life talaga minsan parang nakakaloko.. hindi mo alam kung pinaglalaruan ka ba o talagang pinagtitripan ka lang.. minsan parang mas pipiliin mo na lang sumuko.. kaso hindi pwede eh.. dahil 'pag ginawa mo yun, para mo na ring pinatunayaan na mahina ka nga.. according to a quote forwarded by a good friend of mine, 'life can only be summed up to 3 words: it goes on'.. at yun na lang din ang iniisip ko, nagpapatuloy ang buhay.. hindi pwedeng tumigil ang mundo mo dahil lang sa isang tao, sa isang pangyayari, sa isang pagkakamali, sa isang pagkabigo.. God cares.. 'no pain comes to us without a purpose'.. i would like to share this poem (from gian) to you.. it lifted my spirits up.. it might help you too..

God knows what's best for us so why should we complain?
We always want the sunshine, but He knows there must be rain
We love the sound of laughter and the merriment of cheer
But our hearts will lose their tenderness if we never shed a tear
God tests us often with suffering and sorrow
He tests us not to punish us but to help us meet tomorrow
So whenever we are in trouble and everything goes wrong
It is just God working on us to make out spirit strong

ang ganda di ba? ganun lang talaga ang buhay.. may mga taong paglalaruan ang damdamin mo.. pero matuwa ka pa rin kasi alam mong nagmahal ka.. problema na nila kung hindi nila pinahalagahan ang ipinakita mong kabutihan.. sabi nila masyado raw akong mabait kaya lagi na lang akong nasasaktan.. sobra raw ako kung magmahal kaya kadalasan, ako ang talunan.. minsan nakakapagtaka kung bakit bad things happen to good people.. bakit kung sino pa yung nagsisikap magpakabuti, sila pa yung sinusubok at pinauulanan ng mga problema at sama ng loob.. minsan hindi ko na rin maintindihan ang buhay.. basta ang alam ko lang, may dahilan ang lahat ng bagay.. may papel na gagampanan ang bawat taong nakikilala natin.. kung sinusubok tayo ngayon, ayos lang yan.. God loves us.. yun na lang ang paniwalaan natin.. easier said than done pero yun lang ang magagawa natin eh.. kahit na ilang beses pa tayong magreklamo at magtanong, wala rin namang mangyayari.. hindi naman mababawasan yung sakit na nararamdaman natin.. kaya let go and let God.. anyway, wala naman talaga tayong matatakbuhan pa kundi Siya lang..

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my grown-up Christmas list

dahil Christmas break ngayon, sasamantalahin ko na ang pagkakataong magpost ng marami sa blog ko.. i won't be able to do this as soon as classes resume.. besides, na-miss ko talaga ang blogging.. kung masyadong mabigat ang nauna kong post, medyo light naman 'tong susunod.. now that i'm 20, i have 20 wishes this Christmas.. remember the song "my grown-up Christmas list"? well, i have my own version of that.. and here's my grown-up Christmas list..

i wish that..

1. people would know God, believe in Him, and follow His commandments

2. people would have a heart like Jesus'

3. people would know the true meaning of the words "love", "commitment", and "responsibility"

4. more people would recognize the needs of others and be willing to share the blessings that they have to the less fortunate ones

5. people would be sensitive to what others feel (sana hindi nila paglaruan ang damdamin ng ibang tao)

6. people would be less self-centered, more caring, more concerned

7. people would let go of their foolish pride and learn the value of humility

8. the youth would care more about their future and not settle with the cheap satisfaction that they get from lustful acts

9. people would be good influences to others

10. people would realize that life on earth is temporary

11. government officials would realize that they were voted by the people and must therefore work for the people

12. professors and mentors would be role models and would serve as inspiration to their students

13. the guys would respect, love, and take very good care of the girls

14. there would be peace on earth.. (i'm serious!)

15. there would be no more hungry people, no more beggars, and that happiness and love shall reign

>>the next 5 are more personal

16. wish ko na sana matutong mag-reply ang mga tao..sana naman gumawa sila ng paraan para magparamdam lalo na pag important matters ang involved

17. wish ko na may magbigay sken ng Bible Diary for 2007 (seryoso din 'to)

18. wish ko na sana may isang tao (kahit isang tao lang) na willing akong samahan sa lahat ng pupuntahan ko..willing sabayan kung ano mang trip kong gawin.. posible ba 'yun? may mahanap kaya ako? wish nga eh..

19. wish ko rin na may mag-sponsor sken para makauwi ako sa iloilo..kung hindi this Christmas, sana sa summer..

20. most importantly, i wish that everyone would be appreciated.. sana maging totoo ang quote na 'to: "the effort we put into our relationships is equal to the measure of joy we receive from them" (minsan kasi, well in my case, most of the time, we don't get the love, the affection, and the appreciation we deserve.. lalo na pag tayo ang mas nagmamahal..)

so there.. i have listed the 20 desires of my heart.. and i better end this post now.. have a merry Christmas everyone! God bless!

blog post for dec 19

so many things have happened since the last time i updated this blog. let me share the biggest events in my life.. the most important ones..

nov 25 - baptism (SFC)
i can't explain the mystery behind the uncontrollable tears falling from my eyes as we were prayed over by the older members in the community. i felt like something heavy was laid on my head and my hands seemed to have been placed on top of a raging fire.. i just cried the whole night.. but it was one of the best nights in my life. something strange happened but at the same time, i felt closer to my batchmates.. we had dinner together and it was among the times when we had the strongest bonding as a batch.. everyone seemed happy and although we came home late, the fulfillment is still there, knowing that we're closer to God now more than ever..

dec 2 - musicale (SFC)
after about a month of practice, we finally presented the fruit of our labor - the cabaret. i can feel the tension among my co-performers and it didn't help me to relax and be calm.. it was like hell.. everyone's worried about the costumes, the props, and everything else.. but God has proven Himself for the nth time, He didn't leave us, He was just there. Although we weren't able to grab the award for the best performance, we still went home with smiles on our faces because we know that we have done our best for God's glory. ask about my transformation? sorry, but i'll end here. =D

dec 5 - tambay sa sunken with leonard, tweet2 friends, and baby vaughn
i was just so happy to be with the people i hold dearest to my heart.. i hope days like this would be forever.. i hope they won't end..

dec 9 - Lord's Day & Christmas Party (SFC)
need i say more? i have one word to describe the whole event: fun! =)
dec 15 - UP Lantern Parade (tweet2)
i was with my tweet2 friends the whole day.. one of the best memories in my university life..
first night of the misa de gallo..

dec 19 - 4th misa de gallo
i wasn't able to attend the anticipated mass yesterday evening because of the SFC practice for the caroling. good thing, a brother (sidh) offered to attend the 5am mass with me.. and just like a blessing in disguise, the mass turned out to be something fun and meaningful. during the homily, the priest taught us a song and according to him, the song summarizes the true meaning of Christmas.. it is entitled "Jesus is Beautiful" and it goes like this:

Beautiful, beautiful
Jesus is beautiful
Jesus makes beautiful
things of my life
Carefully
watching me
causing my eyes to see
Jesus makes beautiful
things of my life

the song gives us hope that Jesus would still make beautiful things in our ugly lives.. we may have turned away from God but Christmas is here to remind us that through Jesus, we could go back to the righteous way. As what the priest has said, no matter how ugly our ways have been, Jesus, who comes to us during Christmas, can change us and make us beautiful persons again, if only we let Him in.

current song playing on my mind..

I GIVE MY ALL

Bless my life
Take away the shame
Allow me to experience
Your most amazing grace
Fill my heart
Its empty and frail
Make me whole again, Lord
Mend my broken soul

I offer my life to You Lord
With all my strength i worship You

And i give my all (take me as i am)
I am Yours oh God (lead me to Your arms)
And i give You praise (i rejoice in You)
'Til the end of my days
I give my all

You gave Your all
Unworthy as i am
You have died for me Lord
And now i am free
You're the only reason
Why my heart leaps for joy
I give You back the glory
Lord mold me and use me

I offer my life to You Lord
With all my strength i worship You

And i give my all (take me as i am)
I am Yours oh God (lead me to Your arms)
And i give You praise (i rejoice in You)
'Til the end of my days
I give my all to You

it's been a while..

sabi nga ni jen ang tagal ko ng hindi nakapag-post dito.. hindi lang naman dito eh..kahit sa friendster at mail tagal ko na ring nawala.. let's just say that i've been too busy doing more important things.. good thing my english 11 professor didn't came to class kaya i was able to grab the opportunity to go online..

more than a month na rin pala since my last post.. at syempre ang dami ng nangyari.. i'm part of a new community now, the Singles for Christ (SFC Rosario Chapter), and so far, i am enjoying my stay.. i'm learning a lot from them and i found the experience fulfilling..

acadwise, i think i'm doing fine.. i have completed my deficiencies last semester and kahit na madugo ang sem na 'to, happy pa rin ako kasi parang ok naman lahat ng subjects ko (ok ang profs, ok ang classmates, medyo hindi ok ang requirements..)..

lovelife, wala namang twist.. basta yun na yun.. we decided to be friends, and we're doing great.. it seems that we're better off this way.. =)

ano pa bang updates? well, busy na talaga ako kasi aside from school, may responsibilities pa ako sa tutees ko, sa family, at sa community (SFC)..

hindi ko alam kung kelan uli ako makakapagpost.. basta magpaparamdam na lang ako.. =)

lastly, i would like to include this song.. i like it very much.. sana magustuhan nyo rin..

God bless everyone! Have a nice day ahead! =)

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ONE WAY

I lay my life down at Your feet
Cause You're the only one I need
I turn to You and You are always there

In troubled times it's You I seek
I put You first that's all I need
I humble all I am all to You

One way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for
One Way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for

You are always, always there
Every how and everywhere
Your grace abounds so deeply within me

You will never ever change
Yesterday today the same
Forever till forever meets no end

You are the Way the Truth and the Life
We live by faith and not by sight for You
We're living it all for You

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let it burn...

i'm twisted.. 'cause one side of me is telling me that i need to move on, on the other side, i wanna break down and cry.. i'm twisted.. 'cause i want to be happy for them but i just can't.. i'm twisted.. 'cause i wanna do something but my mind tells me that it's wrong.. i'm twisted.. 'cause i wanna hate them, i wanna be indifferent.. but at the end of each day, i still end up loving them all the more.. i'm twisted.. 'cause i want things to be as simple as they could be, but everything seems complicated.. i'm twisted.. but i am at peace.. knowing that i have God! see how twisted my life is?

haha.. nonsense post.. but nonsense as it is, at least it's for real.. and it's as honest as i could possibly feel..

sem break na..

sana.. technically, sem break na talaga.. but i'm not on a break yet.. i still have to do certain stuffs dahil kung hindi, incomplete ang grade ko.. hay.. mahirap talaga ang buhay estudyante.. sino ba kasing nagsabi na madaling mag-aral? sa ibang school siguro.. pero not in up.. hay.. sana makatikim naman ako ng bakasyon.. kahit sandali lang..

i'm better off alone anyway..

forget about the title.. this post is really about father gil's homily during the 11am mass.. naisip ko lang, tama nga naman.. kahit saan totoo yun eh.. may sense of 'exclusivity' talaga.. once you don't belong to a group, you're already considered as a potential competitor or threat.. hay nako, ilang beses ko na bang naranasan yan.. since high school pa.. i don't wanna go into the details of the story.. pero basta, yun na yun.. alam na rin nung mga taong involved kung sino2 sila.. ayoko ng alalahanin pa yun.. basta ok naman ako ngayon.. sorry.. di ko na alam kung anong sunod na sasabihin ko.. next time na lang uli.. God bless everyone!