just another blog entry. ^_^

if i may say so, i've been through heaven and hell during the previous week. it all started last wednesday, during our ministry practice. i won't tell the details as i wouldn't want to remember the fear that i and the rest of the music min members have felt. but i tell you, it was a horrible experience. (enough said). then come friday. still going through some emotional stress, i was forced to face another heartache. for on friday noon, i learned that francis "kiko" magalona passed away. and still haven't recovered from the shocking and really heartbreaking news, i got a message from jat, the CLP team leader, telling me that he just met an accident. c'mon! i may be superwoman, but hey, i'm still human. i tried to calm myself down. i kept still. i prayed. i left home feeling ok, well at least that's how i felt (and thought).

i have always believed that everything happens for a reason. and i knew very well that what we have gone through (me, the music min, our chapter, the leaders) are all but tests of how strong we are as individuals and as a chapter. come to think of it, we've been through tremendous trials (individually and as a group) during the week of our CLP orientation. great timing right? and the finale of it all? on friday night, just when i arrived at the venue for our monthly chapter assembly, i collapsed! (oh yeah, i made a scene again. hay. most embarassing moment part 2). i really don't know why. all i know is that i suddenly felt weak (seemed like my system has crashed). i even told ate flory about it (she was the last person i talked to - through text as i travel to lifehomes). thank you to the sisters who did their best to keep me conscious. to those who held my hand and kept telling me to hold on. thank you to the brothers who carried me and rushed me to holy life (a bit of history, it was where i first got admitted because of my tummy problem). thank you to everyone who prayed for me. thank you to those who called and sent me messages. to those who paid me a visit. to everyone who worried and were concerned, many many thanks. but most especially, thank you jat, sidh, and tin. you know why i'm thanking you guys. you were the ones who stayed by me when i was lying on that bed (jat was holding my left hand, sidh was holding my right hand, and tin was holding the hot bag to keep my feet warm). you were the ones who made me laugh through the tears. i can't thank you enough. (and also to kuya don and daddy mike who were also there. ^_^)

moving on... :D so there, i wasn't able to attend the orientation that saturday night. and also, i wasn't able to serve in the mass on sunday morning. plus, i wasn't able to support the leafletting. for the nth time, i'm under house arrest. (haha. hyperbole. :D)

on monday morning, mama and i went to my doctor. my tummy missed him, i guess (because since that friday night, i've been battling against pain, and i mean extreme stomach pains. in fact, mama & papa have thought of bringing me to the hospital again but i refused to be brought there because i know they would inject something on me again and there's really a high probability that i would be advised to stay there for at least a day. and i really don't like that idea. after all that i've been through last year, i swear i have already dreaded hospitals and medicines and doctors.).

so what did my doctor say? actually, he wasn't there. hehe. he's still out of the country. dr. vergara was the one who told me that i'm sick again. and i got hit by the same illness that i had before. great great. honestly, i have already expected it. i mean, i've been there, and yes, it was the same thing as what i am going through right now. i was also informed then that it could recur especially when i experience stress. oh yeah, define stress. haha. tsk. so how's my condition? well, i'm quite good. i'm getting better each day. and one good thing i'm thankful for is, according to dr. vergara, i have a healthy heart! yehey! :D it's just that i have a very rebellious/pasaway tummy. but it's okay, i'm still the boss. and i won't tolerate it's rebellion. :D i'm taking medicines again (and an anti-stress vitamins, not stresstabs though. :D) and for two weeks, i'm on a strict diet again. no liquids other than water. that's the saddest part. :(( i can't even drink gatorade. huhu. i can choose not to follow the doctor's advise but it would still be me on the losing end - i would have to endure the pain and take the risk of getting things worse. in short, i have no choice. haha.

what did i learn? simply this: while God is busy doing His work, and while we, as God's army, are also busy fulfilling the mission assigned to us, Satan is also busy doing his thing to hinder us and keep us from getting to the "finish line". the devil is so afraid of the fact that we can and we will win the battle. and so, he's doing everything and he's using everything - even our intentions, even our prayers, even our wishes and desires to stop us from winning. his major goal is to defeat us, but no, he'll never succeed. i had told a close friend about one of my prayers which i think satan heard and used to bring me down by making me experience pain again. but poor devil, i think he still haven't realized how great and powerful my God is. he may have hit me badly, but as they say, and i love saying this, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. and with every pain, be it emotional or physical, that i am able to get through, i only get stronger and wiser and better. so thank you satan, for testing me. you only make me a better me, and guess what, you bring me closer and closer to my Creator. no, you weren't able to break my faith, you simply strengthen it. :D and no, you weren't able to stop me and my chapter and the whole community from doing God's work and bringing people closer to Him, you simply challenged us and made us more determined to fight and win. :D we won't back down. we won't surrender. we will move even farther. forward in and with Christ! ^_^

let me end this post with these words from the late master rapper. (i'll leave the interpretation to you. the wisdom that i got may be different from yours. :D) he has inspired a lot. he made the filipinos proud. he had lived a full life. and just like him, i am also ready to fight and win a happy battle. (i may post something about him soon. i swear i still have a lot to share. :D)

"My motto in life is to be a sponge. I absorb everything." -FM

P.S. you may wonder, where's the "heaven part" of my week? well, everything that made my week is part of my experience of heaven. :)

and another P.S. :D i have also learned that nagging doesn't help in any way. haha. sorry girlfriends, i really have to say this. i do appreciate your concern, but please, do not nag. i'm sorry if i was a nagger too (though i don't think i was. :D). but hey, i realized that it's just so irritating. especially when everyone's doing it already. mama nags. then i'll receive a message from a girlfriend asking about my condition. then i'll tell her about what happened. then she nags. then another girlfriends texts and nags. my goodness. hehe. i know you love me, but even if you say that you nag with love, still, it won't change the fact that you nag. haha. i'm really sorry. i'm not really a girl. i don't support nagging. :D mwah! love you girls! :D