because i'm in the mood.. and because i have time..

dadaldal ako. :D

matagal-tagal din akong hindi nakapagkwento. bakit? e kasi naman artista nga ako, sobrang hectic ng schedule. haha. seriously, super mega over busy talaga. kung makikita niyo lang yung planner ko, hindi lang puno, umaapaw pa. hehe. hyperbole. :D

pero dahil matatapos na ang buwan, at marami-rami na akong naipong kwento, thoughts, at kung ano-ano pa, i decided na mag-blog muna. yey! hehe. na-miss ko ring magkwento. at sa totoo lang, super therapeutic talaga ang blogging for me. during times na sobrang ngarag at stressed na ako, i take a break by reading my previous blog entries. tapos yun, matatawa na lang ako. lalo na sa mga wrong spelling, wrong grammar, at kung ano-ano pang wrong. haha. pero nakakatulong talaga. at least natatawa ako. sabi nga laughter is the best medicine diba? :D

naku, mukhang mahaba-habang kwentuhan ito. hehe.

hmm.. where do i begin.. to tell the story of how great a love can be.. haha. biglang kumanta. :D at dahil sa kantang yan, pinanood ko pa talaga yung movie. haha. 1970 pa siya at naman, kamusta naman yun, sa movie pala na yun nanggaling yung pamosong linya na "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

ayun. wala lang. kwento lang. trivia. hehe.

saan nga ba ako magsisimula? sige, share na lang muna ako ng quotes. :D mula sa aking koleksyon ng mga text message mula sa mga mahal kong kaibigan. :)

onga pala, sorry friends, di na ako masyadong nakakatext. lam niyo naman ang lola niyo, tamad lang talaga magtext. haha. wala lang. lumipas na kasi ako sa period ng buhay na excited pa gumamit ng cellphone. lam niyo yun? parang kung hindi pa talaga importante, hindi ako magtetext. wala lang. sobrang busy na kasi talaga. ayun.

anyway, tama na ang paliwanag.. eto na yung mga text. :D

*Every bad situation will have something positive. Even a stopped clock shows correct time twice a day. So stay positive in life. Just smile. ^_^
- oh yes! i so agree! :D

*As much as you want to plan your life, it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned.
- i like this one. another way of saying "life's full of surprises!"

*You are not any greater when people praise you, nor are you any worse when they criticize you. How you are is how God sees you, nothing more, nothing less... simply PRICELESS!
- i soooooooooooo love this one! kasi totoo naman talaga. God loves us... period. ^_^

*Getting angry is actually punishing yourself with the mistakes of others.
- hmm.. oo nga naman.. may point siya.. kaya ako, hindi na ako nagagalit. :D

*Although we naturally enjoy laughter more than tears, we have to accept that most of the wisdom we've gained along the way, we owe to sad times.
- korek. korek. at isa pang korek. sabi nga ni alanis, "YOU CRY, YOU LEARN" ^_^

*Never let your fear make your decisions. YOU make them.
- ay eto, isang tao lang ang pinasahan ko ng quote na 'to. kasi i really believe that more than anyone else, she needs to receive this message. bakit? kasi, nung minsang nagkausap kame, she insisted that she was afraid of what would have happened kung sakaling nalaman ko agad yung tungkol sa kanila. i won't go into details. pero basta sabi niya kung siya lang daw gusto na talaga niyang sabihin kaso lang natatakot siya. basta ganun. wala lang. ayoko ng magsalita pa. haha. pero basta, tama yung message na 'to. don't blame to fear, or to any feeling for that matter, your wrong decisions. at wag din nateng hayaang emotions naten yung mag-rule. sabi nga ni ate ria, "we are the masters of our emotions". so kung meron mang dapat masunod, hindi emosyon, kundi yung judgment at conscience naten. ayun. na-realize ko nga e, kung hinayaan kong takot yung gagawa ng decisions ko, malamang hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin kame magkaibigan ng isa sa tinuturing kong closest friend. kung nakinig ako sa iba, dapat hindi ako masaya ngayon. don't get me wrong, it's okay to ask for others' opinion. in fact, kelangan talaga nateng gawin yun. at sa totoo lang din, kelangan din nateng i-consult yung mga nararamdaman naten. pero ang final decision, dapat, saten pa rin manggaling. at kung ano man yung maging decision naten, panindigan naten yun. kasi yun ang pinili nateng gawin. i mean, we were given options diba? so kung ano yung pinili naten, pangatawanan na naten. did i make sense? haha. sorry naman, nawala kasi yung momentum ko sa pagsusulat. nanood pa kasi ng Love Story e. haha. ayun.

may isa pa akong naalala. familiar ba kayo dito: "love is not a feeling. it's a decision."?

well, personally, agree ako dun. love is indeed a decision. kasi kung feelings lang ang magiging basehan naten, wala na sigurong nagtagal na relationship. why? because feelings change. one moment sobrang importante sa'yo yung isang tao, the next moment, wala lang siya. hay nako, pinagdaanan ko na yan. haha. pero at least napatunayan ko na kaya ko palang gumawa ng "decision to love", yun nga lang.. yun nga lang.. haha. ayokong magkwento. :p

*This is the greatest gift God can give you: to understand what happened in your life; to have it explained. It is the peace you have been searching for. [The Blue Man, The Five People You Meet in Heaven]
- yho, thanks for this message. ang ganda rin nito. agree ako. at kung ako ang tatanungin, hindi pa lahat, pero most of the things that have happened in my life, naintindihan ko na. and yes, sobrang at peace na ako. ^_^

*If you feel like no one cares about you, think again. Look in the mirror, because the person you see needs you more than anyone else.
- oh yes again. umm, batch, this message is for you.

at.. last but not the least.. eto ay galing kay alpha margaux quelnan (naks, complete name. haha.) na ayon sa kanya ay galing sa book of colors ni ate lady.. tama ba heelz? hehe.

*October 15: Your color is lilac snow. You have a gift for storytelling and an appreciation for beauty. (aha! agree. :D) The performing arts can be a great vehicle for your many talents. (huwow! many talents?! hindi naman. singing lang tsaka writing tsaka singing tsaka writing. haha.) You can do well in front of an audience, especially if the words you speak resonate within your heart. (hmm.. ??) You have a strong magnetism that makes you attractive to others. (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! hahahaha. adik! talaga lang ha? san banda? hehe.) It is important to surround yourself with people and objects that promote harmony. (hmm.. friends, nagpopromote ba kayo ng harmony? haha.)

hayyyyyyyy.. ang bilis naman ng oras.. at ang dami ko na palang nasabi.. hehe.. tama na muna 'to.. maya-maya uli. :D

pahinga muna. ^_^

ay wala lang sige pala, kwento pa pala. hehe. ayun. sobrang natutuwa lang ako sa sarili ko. hehe. oh yes, i love myself. :D yun nga kasi, may isa akong nakausap and while listening to her, i realized how weak she/they thought i was. sabi ko nga sa kanya, "grabe ate, ganun kahina yung tingin niyo sken? hindi niyo nga ako kilala." wala lang. naging common misconception na talaga na kapag ang isang tao ay umiiyak, mahina siya. at eto pa, kaya naisipan kong ituloy ang kwento, kakapanood ko lang sa commercial ng All About Eve yung scene na nakita ni Jean Garcia si Sunshine Dizon na umiiyak. tapos ang sabi niya, "ang umiiyak, talo." i definitely do not agree! hindi dahil sa umiiyak ang isang tao ibig sabihin hindi na siya lumalaban. oh well, hindi ko na kailangang ipaliwanag yun. kanya-kanyang pananaw kasi yan e. pero yun nga, kung ganun kahina ang tingin niyo sa mga taong umiiyak, nagkakamali kayo.

ngayon, bakit ko nasabing natutuwa ako sa sarili ko? kasi napatunayan ko kung sino at ano talaga ako. hindi ako gaya ng iniisip niya o nila. i even exceeded my expectations. alam kong malakas ako but i never thought that i was and i am THIS strong. and i know, i'm getting stronger and better each day. :D

ayun lang. bigla ko lang naisip yun. :)

seryoso na 'to, pahinga na muna. :D magandang gabi pilipinas. ^_^

on a lighter note. :D

*got this from friendster. sagot muna, pantanggal stress. :)

1. History of your password:
-- mahalagang #

2. Last text message received from:
-- GLOBE (bal inquiry) :D

3. Last time you cried:
-- kanina lang.

4. Age you want to get married:
-- 25 --> ako rin sis! :D goodluck, 2 years na lang pala yun no? ready na ba yung groom ko? waaah. (i don't wanna wait in vain for your love.. haha..)

5. Current feeling:
-- bato ako ngayon. walang pakiramdam. (defense mechanism ko yun. :D)

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS:
1. Gone on a date:
-- yes

2. Lost someone special:
-- yes

3. Been depressed:
-- yes

4. Been drunk and threw up:
-- never

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:
1. Made a new friend:
-- i guess so

2. Laughed until you cried?
-- yes

3. Met someone who changed your life:
-- this month lang? wala pa.

4. Discover who your true friends are?
-- naman!

5. Is there something you want to tell someone:
-- yes. a lot.

6. How many kids do you want to have:
-- at least 2 (1 boy, 1 girl - my anja)

7. Do you have any pets:
-- wala

8. Do you wanna change your name :
-- no. i love my name. :D

9. What did you do yesterday:
-- woke up smiling, ate a lot, studied, fixed things, sang, cried, smiled again. :D

10.Last time you had pizza:
-- feb 21, ICON (breakfast)

11.What time did you wake up today:
-- ask my boss. :D going 9 na rin yun e.

12.What were you doing at 10:30 p.m. last night:
-- talking to God.

where's 13?

14.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
-- err. meron ba? wala naman. pero marami akong gustong baguhing sitwasyon.

15.What are you listening to right now?
-- ngayon, BUTTERFLY (Mariah Carey).. oh yeah! panalo talaga mellow! :D

16.Most visited webpage?
-- mail, multiply, fs, sfcglobal, sfcinfosystem

17.Who made you sad?
-- siya

18. Who made you happy?
-- siya rin (kung sinong nagpapasaya sayo, yun din ang nagpapalungkot sayo. hayy. haha. enough of the drama. chill. :D)

19.Who are with you right now?
-- ma & pa

20. Say you were in a relationship for 2 years and your boy/girlfriend cheated on you:
-- grrr. no comment. haha.

21. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about?
-- my heart's desires.

22. Your most recent ex says he/she hates you, you say:
-- nothing. wala akong magagawa kung yun ang nararamdaman niya.

23. Are you afraid of roller coasters?:
-- no! :D

24. Would you rather go to a party in or out of town?:
-- out of town.

25. What are you supposed to be doing right now?:
-- taking a bath and preparing for clp. hehe. promise, tapusin ko lang po 'tong survey. :D

26. One wish?:
-- hay. God knows.

27. How is life going for you right now?
-- it's a roller coaster ride (with all the ups & downs, happiness & sadness...)

28. Who do you wish to see now?:
-- si boss.

29. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?:
-- hmm. hindi ako ang dapat magsabi e. basta. :D

30. Last person to comment you?:
-- sa fs, si ruth (westlife sister ko. :D)

31. Is there any meaning behind your profile song?:
-- umm, yung playlist ko sa multiply theme songs ng life ko.

32. Do you believe what comes around goes around?:
-- yes

33. What is your favorite fruit?:
-- mango! naman! ang tanging prutas na hindi ko pagsasawaan. :D

34. Do you trust people easily?:
-- hndi masyado

35. Do you give out second chances easily?:
-- it really depends.

36. Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?:
-- i love hugs from people i love.. :)

36. Done anything illegal?
-- umm. meron na rin ata.

37. Last received call.
-- invitation from bea.

38. Are you a lover or a fighter?
-- both. :D

39. What colour are your eyes?:
-- black.

40. When was the last time you went out?
-- wednesday. HLT. mamaya, CLP. :D

41. What was the last movie you saw?
-- sa moviehouse? umm.. nights in rodanthe? haha. loser no?

42. Who made you smile today?:
-- yung gumising sken kanina. :)

43. Do you smile a lot?
-- yes. ms. smiling face ata ako. haha.

>>tapos na? haha. bitin. thanks ruth for posting this! stress-reliever. :D

just another blog entry. ^_^

if i may say so, i've been through heaven and hell during the previous week. it all started last wednesday, during our ministry practice. i won't tell the details as i wouldn't want to remember the fear that i and the rest of the music min members have felt. but i tell you, it was a horrible experience. (enough said). then come friday. still going through some emotional stress, i was forced to face another heartache. for on friday noon, i learned that francis "kiko" magalona passed away. and still haven't recovered from the shocking and really heartbreaking news, i got a message from jat, the CLP team leader, telling me that he just met an accident. c'mon! i may be superwoman, but hey, i'm still human. i tried to calm myself down. i kept still. i prayed. i left home feeling ok, well at least that's how i felt (and thought).

i have always believed that everything happens for a reason. and i knew very well that what we have gone through (me, the music min, our chapter, the leaders) are all but tests of how strong we are as individuals and as a chapter. come to think of it, we've been through tremendous trials (individually and as a group) during the week of our CLP orientation. great timing right? and the finale of it all? on friday night, just when i arrived at the venue for our monthly chapter assembly, i collapsed! (oh yeah, i made a scene again. hay. most embarassing moment part 2). i really don't know why. all i know is that i suddenly felt weak (seemed like my system has crashed). i even told ate flory about it (she was the last person i talked to - through text as i travel to lifehomes). thank you to the sisters who did their best to keep me conscious. to those who held my hand and kept telling me to hold on. thank you to the brothers who carried me and rushed me to holy life (a bit of history, it was where i first got admitted because of my tummy problem). thank you to everyone who prayed for me. thank you to those who called and sent me messages. to those who paid me a visit. to everyone who worried and were concerned, many many thanks. but most especially, thank you jat, sidh, and tin. you know why i'm thanking you guys. you were the ones who stayed by me when i was lying on that bed (jat was holding my left hand, sidh was holding my right hand, and tin was holding the hot bag to keep my feet warm). you were the ones who made me laugh through the tears. i can't thank you enough. (and also to kuya don and daddy mike who were also there. ^_^)

moving on... :D so there, i wasn't able to attend the orientation that saturday night. and also, i wasn't able to serve in the mass on sunday morning. plus, i wasn't able to support the leafletting. for the nth time, i'm under house arrest. (haha. hyperbole. :D)

on monday morning, mama and i went to my doctor. my tummy missed him, i guess (because since that friday night, i've been battling against pain, and i mean extreme stomach pains. in fact, mama & papa have thought of bringing me to the hospital again but i refused to be brought there because i know they would inject something on me again and there's really a high probability that i would be advised to stay there for at least a day. and i really don't like that idea. after all that i've been through last year, i swear i have already dreaded hospitals and medicines and doctors.).

so what did my doctor say? actually, he wasn't there. hehe. he's still out of the country. dr. vergara was the one who told me that i'm sick again. and i got hit by the same illness that i had before. great great. honestly, i have already expected it. i mean, i've been there, and yes, it was the same thing as what i am going through right now. i was also informed then that it could recur especially when i experience stress. oh yeah, define stress. haha. tsk. so how's my condition? well, i'm quite good. i'm getting better each day. and one good thing i'm thankful for is, according to dr. vergara, i have a healthy heart! yehey! :D it's just that i have a very rebellious/pasaway tummy. but it's okay, i'm still the boss. and i won't tolerate it's rebellion. :D i'm taking medicines again (and an anti-stress vitamins, not stresstabs though. :D) and for two weeks, i'm on a strict diet again. no liquids other than water. that's the saddest part. :(( i can't even drink gatorade. huhu. i can choose not to follow the doctor's advise but it would still be me on the losing end - i would have to endure the pain and take the risk of getting things worse. in short, i have no choice. haha.

what did i learn? simply this: while God is busy doing His work, and while we, as God's army, are also busy fulfilling the mission assigned to us, Satan is also busy doing his thing to hinder us and keep us from getting to the "finish line". the devil is so afraid of the fact that we can and we will win the battle. and so, he's doing everything and he's using everything - even our intentions, even our prayers, even our wishes and desires to stop us from winning. his major goal is to defeat us, but no, he'll never succeed. i had told a close friend about one of my prayers which i think satan heard and used to bring me down by making me experience pain again. but poor devil, i think he still haven't realized how great and powerful my God is. he may have hit me badly, but as they say, and i love saying this, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. and with every pain, be it emotional or physical, that i am able to get through, i only get stronger and wiser and better. so thank you satan, for testing me. you only make me a better me, and guess what, you bring me closer and closer to my Creator. no, you weren't able to break my faith, you simply strengthen it. :D and no, you weren't able to stop me and my chapter and the whole community from doing God's work and bringing people closer to Him, you simply challenged us and made us more determined to fight and win. :D we won't back down. we won't surrender. we will move even farther. forward in and with Christ! ^_^

let me end this post with these words from the late master rapper. (i'll leave the interpretation to you. the wisdom that i got may be different from yours. :D) he has inspired a lot. he made the filipinos proud. he had lived a full life. and just like him, i am also ready to fight and win a happy battle. (i may post something about him soon. i swear i still have a lot to share. :D)

"My motto in life is to be a sponge. I absorb everything." -FM

P.S. you may wonder, where's the "heaven part" of my week? well, everything that made my week is part of my experience of heaven. :)

and another P.S. :D i have also learned that nagging doesn't help in any way. haha. sorry girlfriends, i really have to say this. i do appreciate your concern, but please, do not nag. i'm sorry if i was a nagger too (though i don't think i was. :D). but hey, i realized that it's just so irritating. especially when everyone's doing it already. mama nags. then i'll receive a message from a girlfriend asking about my condition. then i'll tell her about what happened. then she nags. then another girlfriends texts and nags. my goodness. hehe. i know you love me, but even if you say that you nag with love, still, it won't change the fact that you nag. haha. i'm really sorry. i'm not really a girl. i don't support nagging. :D mwah! love you girls! :D