written on the eve of february 23, 2007 at 11:23pm

for the 3rd consecutive night, i came home late again.. and most probably, i won't be able to talk to him again.. correction: i wasn't able to talk to him again.. what could this mean? God is practicing me for a life without him? yeah, that's great!

sarcasm aside, i would like to take this chance to share with you some of the realizations i recently had.. rather, the things that have happened today.. just today..

i don't wanna wait for tomorrow to write this post because definitely, tomorrow's gonna be a new day.. and what i feel now won't be exactly what i would feel the next day.. without further adieu, let me write about today..

as what i've said in my previous post, today wasn't as good as i intended it to be.. things didn't turn out the way i wanted them to.. not even the way i planned.. and it brought me back to the first chapter of Rick Warren's "The Purpose-Driven Life".. it's not about me, it's all about God!

at this point, let me enumerate the things i've been through today..

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A MASKED PRINCESS (what a title)

i woke up at around 7:30 this morning.. i set the alarm to 6:00am because i have a class at 8:30 (supposedly.. good thing our prof didn't arrive.. and that made me much earlier for my next class..) but i was just so tired that my body can't bear to rise.. another reason could be the very nice dream that i had.. how i wish it was real.. real as it seemed in my dreams..

..i went to school.. and blah blah blah [place some words here that describe what school is like.. what UP is like.. and yes, Sir Edel's right, hell is UP!]

after class, no.. after the presentation, i went to quiapo to attend the Friday mass, like i always do.. but before that, i was thinking of meeting with him so that i could hand over the cute little thing i bought for him..

but i don't have that much time because i need to be in rosario on or before 8pm, 8:30 the latest for our chapter teaching..

in other words, i attended the mass and went to rosario church..

and the following paragraphs/words/sentences came from tonight's teaching..

it was the first chapter teaching that i have attended and it was about Faithfulness and Orderliness.. the speaker, (ate) sister jane, was a good one and she has explained well the values and ideas we need to learn as Christians, especially as members of the CFC-SFC community..the best thing she has said: faithfulness means obedience.. obedience to God and trusting His perfect will..

but i would like to commend kuya kris who spoke really really well.. honestly, i was amazed by the words he has uttered.. those words really hit me straight to the heart.. i almost cried..

first point: Mother Teresa has been canonized as a saint.. and just like her, we are all saints.. for as long as we have faith, we have order, and we believe that God has a plan for our lives, we are saints in our own right..

second point: we need to choose to be faithful.. and by being faithful, we must entrust our whole being, our lives to God.. we need to trust him completely..

last and most striking point: good thing i was able to control my tears..
>>when a person undergoes a heart transplant, part of his body changes, that is, the heart.. but that doesn't mean that the person is also changed into another being..

the person you have loved with your old heart could still be the person you would love with your new heart.. because in reality, it's not the heart that dictates us who we should love.. contrary to what most people believe, one doesn't actually follow his/her heart, it's the mind that works!

the mind is responsible in telling a person that he/she is in love with that special someone.. the heart just feels it..

and i realized, that's a good point.. something i could relate with..

no matter how hard you try to stop your heart from wanting a person, you would still end up loving him/her because your mind says so..

the heart gets hurt.. yes, that's true.. and sometimes, the agony is already too much to bear that your heart surrenders and is broken into pieces.. but as long as your mind doesn't give up, somehow, you would find enough reasons to hold on, be strong, and stay in love..

i have always asked this question since people i hold dear have failed me.. why in the hell do i still love them? why can't i just forget and ignore them? when will i stop caring for them? they have hurt me badly, broke my heart into thousand pieces.. they don't care anymore.. yet, i can't help but still be concerned..

i thought it was my heart's fault.. it hasn't learned any lesson.. it loved, got hurt, but still loves and i guess will continue to love.. but no.. it wasn't my heart..

i thought i have already forgotten to follow the 'mind over heart' principle.. but i was wrong.. it was my mind which decides all along..

"life is a combination of success and failures. the best way to focus one's life is to never put a question mark where God has placed a period."