for those who want to know...

i hope everyone's well and safe. i don't know how to begin. but i don't intend to post a very long entry because i know you guys are all busy, just as i am.

i'm sure everyone heard the news about how destructive ondoy and pepeng were. for those who have been worried about me and my family, thank you so much for the concern. yes, we were not spared from ondoy's wrath, but we're all okay, alive and well.

we stayed on the ceiling just to have a dry place to step on. it was the first time. since we moved here in 1986, never were we flooded. i mean, never THIS high. we were not able to save our appliances, except for the computer which my brother couldn't afford to lose. it was the first thing he secured. thank God the water didn't reach the topmost cabinet on the master's bedroom.

i was able to take pictures from my phone and they can be found here. (sorry for the low quality of the pictures.)

oh well. life goes on. and through it all, i am so very thankful to everyone who prayed for us and helped us in every way they can. titos, titas, friends, from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU!

guys, i'm really sorry if i lost touched with you. as i mentioned in my previous entry, i was held up. i lost my phone. i lost my contacts. i'm really sorry.

for those who have my new number but was not able to contact me during the storm, my apologies, i didn't have signal (thanks to Globe. tsk.).

again, to everyone, i hope you guys are safe and healthy. thank you for all the prayers and concern. let's continue to pray for and help one another.

*be still, know that there is GOD.*

P.S.
guys, please email me (here) your contact numbers. hope to hear from you soon. miss you people! :)

good night and God bless. :)

tomorrow is a new day.

by the way, i update my twitter more often. (it's the only social networking site i access in the office.) follow me at: http://twitter.com/bosstink

IT HURTS! (repost)

i'm sorry, hindi ko kinayang hindi i-post. haha. read this from ruth's blog. loka talaga yung sis kong yun, after kong umiyak-iyak because of Susan Boyle, tawa naman ako to the max sa post na ito. at syempre, magcocomment din ako. :D
(yung nasa loob ng parentheses na comments ay galing kay ruth, yung comment ko, yung after ng '>>'. :D)

*letting go of a person you’ve just learned to love (ayun o!haaaaayyyyy…)
>>no comment. haha. :D

*reminiscing the good times you shared together (every moment, we shared together, is even better than the moments before…by westlife!)
>>and i miss you more whenever i think about you.. hehe.. moment of truth, fm static

*shielding your heart to love somebody (pwede ba yun? Kunsabagay…)
>>umm, pwede.

*trying to hide what you really feel (pambihira naman o! ako ba tinutukoy mo?)
>>haha. ikaw nga sis. :D

*trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes (O, hindi!!..sniff…)
>>ay hindi ako nakakarelate. i don't hide the tears e. i don't need to hide. hindi na kasi ako umiiyak. haha. (didn't i just say na naiyak ako kay Susan Boyle? hehe.)

*loving a person too much (naku, lahat ng sobra, masama…)
>>oh yeah. too much of something is bad enough. :)

*giving up someone you never thought of giving up (ayun o! may ganun talaga teh?)
>>oo. may ganun. :D

*having the right love at the wrong time (may ganun ba?malamang hindi yun right love)
>>parang somewhere down the road lang.. we had the right love at the wrong time.. :D

*taking the risk to fall in love again (masakit ba yun?hindi ako makarelate..echos!)
>>if i should love again, if i find someone new.. haha.. after Susan Boyle, Barry Manilow fever naman. :D

*hiding your relationship from someone else (ay, ang sakit nga naman yun…why hide it?)
>>oo nga, why hide it? kasi it's complicated? hehe.

*controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend (my goodness!namemersonal ka ba?ha?)
>>haha. pinepersonal ka ba sis? iniisip ko pa kung nakaka-relate ako. hehe. pero oo, sometimes, hindi ko masabi yung gusto kong sabihin o gawin yung gusto kong gawin kasi ayokong makasakit. at ang kapalit nun, ako ang nasasaktan. naninikip dibdib ko e. lalo na pag galit na ako tapos ayokong makapagsalita ng masakit kaya pipigilin ko yung galit ko. wala lang. ang haba ng comment ko. hehe.

*thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single thought of you (ouch..oo nga naman…tsk tsk!)
>>isa lang solusyon diyan, think happy thoughts. :D kaso may follow-up question, pano kung siya yung happy thought? hmm. e di think of happier thoughts. haha. pero kasi naman OA naman yung thinking of him/her every waking moment. kamusta naman yun? pwede naman siguro every after one hour. hehe. i told a joke. :D

*letting go, because every time you see the person, you only fall deeper (namumuro ka na ha…)
>>haha. sino bang gumawa nito? sunugin! hehe.

*holding back only to find out when it’s too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn’t let the feelings out (ang haba naman…nosebleed!sniff!)
>>onga, ano daw? haha. oo gets ko. hindi nga lang ako maka-relate. :p

*falling in love with someone you didn’t mean to fall in love with (awwww….)
>>masakit ba yun? isn't that a wonderful thing? diba pleasant surprise yun? that's what you call 'magic' or 'destiny'. hehe. yun nga lang, ibang usapan na yun kung sa may asawa ka na-inlove. hehe.

*finding the perfect boy/girl…with only one problem…he/she doesn’t love you the way you want him/her to (hmmm…familiar story ha..)
>>ay eto imposibleng mangyari. kasi walang perfect na tao. :p

*helping the one you love court your friend (kumusta, palagi na lang ganito!)
>>haha. hindi pa naman 'to nangyayari. and i wish hindi mangyari. hehe.

*seeing the one you love crying for someone else (ehem..no comment…)
>>naman. buti na lang hindi girl yung "someone else" na yun. lalaki pala. haha. joke lang. :D

*the waiting also hurts like hell (hmmm, not really, coz patience is a virtue…true love is worth waiting for!)
>>Amen to that Sis!

*having to hear…”I’ve met someone.”(ayus lang..na-meet lang naman nya eh!ha ha!)
>>haha. sino kayang nakaka-relate?! ehem. heelz? nababasa mo ba 'to? haha. "i've met someone. tapos yun, naging kame." wahaha. peace heelz! :D

*agreeing to his/her wish to “just be friends” (naku, may mas masakit pa dyan, I tell you…)
>>to this i can't relate. really. :D never pa akong sinabihan nun e. "i hope we can be even just friends" or "let's be friends" lang mga linyang narinig ko. :D

*asking his/her freedom back because “he’d/she’d be happier with him/her” (anu raw?he he!)
>>he always has his freedom. :D

*asking you to “forget that everything happened” and be “normal” friends again (hindi ako makarelate…sorry)
>>ako rin, can't relate. ay teka, nangyari na pala 'to. parang. hehe. tama ba tweet2? i remember si dan at si vincci pa yung kumausap sa akin tungkol dun. hehe. kasi naman, hindi dapat tumatalo ng kaibigan. :D

*hearing that you’re treated as a little bro/sis (eto na nga ba sinasabi ko eh…bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan, iyak na lang..he he!)
>>hay nako. kaya nga neutral ako sa concept ng pagiging "bunso" ko e. sometimes i love being called that way, pero at times, nakakalungkot na ewan din. or siguro may trauma pa rin ako sa word na yun. kasi naman, ikaw ba naman sabihan ng: "................................., bunso!" secret na lang kung ano yun. haha.

*sharing his/her future plans for the girl/boy with you (ang sakit nga naman no’n pare!)
>>most of my friends have done this, pero di naman ako na-hurt. happy pa nga ako for them e. pero yun nga lang, there's a part of me that wishes na sana may magsabi rin ng future plans niya for me. halimbawa, singing career, o di kaya opportunity to travel abroad, tsaka house and lot sa loyola grand villas. haha. ambisyosa. :D

*you stopped being friends because his gf/bf asked him/her to (ang saklap naman nun!friends na nga lang eh…)
>>waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! nakaka-relate ako! huhu. soul sis, i miss you na talaga! hay. pero di naman talaga natapos ang friendship naten diba? syempre, takas-takas pa rin. haha. hay nako. bakit ba kasi may mga over-selosong boypren (at sige na nga, girlpren na rin. hehe.)?

*being denied in front of people (I hope this won’t happen to me…)
>>denied? nakaka-relate din ata ako. haha. diba soul sis?

*telling you lies where he’d/she’d been when actually, he/she was with a new friend or an old flame (ang bad naman nun…)
>>ehem. at isa pang ehem. ayoko ng alalahanin. haha. :D

*he/she told you he’d/she’d be leaving you to return to his/her ex (the one she left for you) (anu ba yan, paiba iba ng isip…labo mo teh!)
>>ay parang hindi 'to mangyayari. AT HINDI 'TO MANGYAYARI. kasi yung next, will be my last. so wala na siyang babalikan pa. hehe. that's the spirit. :D never stop hoping and praying aiza. :D

*breaking someone’s heart (hala…parang guilty ako dito?)
>>this is so true. ganun daw talaga pag mabait e. hehe. pero seryoso, kung may konsensiya kang tao, masasaktan ka rin pag nakasakit ka ng iba.

*fighting for that one thing that would make you happy that is, holding on to a person who can not guarantee you his/her commitment unless he/she fixes himself/herself…then, you are left hanging for the moment..then he/she says, time will tell…ang labo lang nya…but you still decided to hope in him/her and trust him/her (hay, buhay…)
>>ang haba, nakakatamad basahin. haha. basta eto na lang, i don't wanna fight no more, i forgot what we were fighting for.. hehe.. westlife fever naman. :D

*pretending you’re okay when inside you’re dying (namumuro ka na ha!kanina ka pa!)
>>haha. easy lang sis. :D kantahin na lang natin yung kanta ng MCR.. i'm not okay.. hehe. ay eto better song, from McFly, aahhhhhhhhhhhh.. i'll be okay. :D

*pretending to be strong. and recognizing your weakness (oh, yes!i’m a great pretender!har har!)
>>haha. why must we all conceal, what we think, how we feel.. reflection, christina a. :D wag na kasi mag-pretend, just be strong, really strong. :) ay pero may naalala rin pala ako. sabi ni Father Babes dati sa homily niya, "sometimes, you have to fake it to make it real", so hindi rin talaga masama mag-pretend paminsan-minsan. :D

*lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have (ha ha!parang westlife days lang ah!Mark feehily?)
>>haha. oo nga. ako naman kay shane. at syempre umiyak pa talaga ako nung nalaman kong nag-asawa na siya. haha. ganun ako kabaliw sa westlife dati. :D

*being with someone you can’t actually love (ok!)
>>oo nga. ok na lang din. wala akong masabi. can't relate e.

*pretending you don’t love a person whom you actually love (tsk!tsk!no comment)
>>ay naalala ko tuloy yung My Bestfriend's Girlfriend na movie. napanood ko lang sa GMA. sabi ni Maria dun, "akala ko dati mahirap magpanggap na mahal kita. mas mahirap palang magpanggap na hindi kita mahal".haha. o diba, kabisado ko pa. :D in fairness to me, paidlip-idlip pa ako habang nanonood nun. :D

*being in love (korek!pero pag kay Lord, everything’s alright!)
>>yes, love hurts. but sometimes it's a good hurt. :D (love hurts, incubus)

*letting go even if you really don’t want to…having no right to say you’re hurting because it was your decision (may tama ka!hu hu!)
>>oo na. hehe.

*seeing the person you love hurt because of you and not being able to help that person (hmmm..pwede…)
>>umm, oo. sobrang sakit talaga. last year, nung nagkasakit ako, mas nahirapan at nasaktan akong makitang nahihirapan sina mama. kaso wala akong magawa. :( pero buti na lang tapos yung period na yun. healthy na ako. praise God. :)

*having the courage to say ‘i love you’ to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he/she doesn’t treat you with the same closeness as before (naku, korek..kaya ako, discreet pa rin…para hindi ganun kasakit..tama di ba?)
>>eto naman parang maniwala ka sana ng parokya.. "ngayon ako'y nagsisisi kung bakit ako nag "i love you"!!! kasi di na tayo tulad ng dati" :D

*having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely destroying the wall that you have set for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable (ang sakit naman nun…)
*waaaaaaaaaah. taylor swift naman. teardrops on my guitar. the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart. tsaka yung konstantine ng something corporate. they'll never hurt you like i do.

*admitting that you love someone despite his/her imperfections (well, that’s acceptance..that’s normal naman)
>>oo nga, normal 'to. love is a decision nga diba? and when you love, you love the person, kasama na dun yung imperfections niya.

*finding out that the more you try to hate him/her, the more you end up loving him/her, perhaps even more than before (wow!the more you hate the more you love ba ang banat teh?)
>>ayun o! can't stop the hurt inside when love and hate collide. :D

*realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break up (I can’t relate)
>>ay sorry na lang, hindi rin ako nakaka-relate. hindi ako ang may kasalanan. haha. hugas-kamay. :D pero totoo lang naman kasi.

*the thought that this guy/girl, used to really love you and you loved him/her as well kaso you didn’t give enough…he/she gave up on you na (ay, kasalanan mo yun teh!)
>>e ang kaso you already did your best, but your best wasn't good enough. haha. just once? james ingram? hehe. kantahan na lang kasi tayo. :D

*sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else (it’s stupidity!)
>>korek. kung sa'yo, sa'yo. kung kanya, kanya. :D

*making a promise and realizing that when the time has come for that promise to be delivered…the commitment is no longer there (how I wish, hindi mangyari sa akin ito..pero parang papunta na dun..)
>>ano raw? hehe. no comment na lang. baka mali intindi ko e. :D

*the hardest thing about love—believing it exists (it depends..)
>>ay hindi naman. God exists. and God is love. so kahit wala ka pang "lovelife", you still have God. and that is more than enough. kasi only He can love us unconditionally and eternally. :)

*after you’ve been hurt….learning to forgive….learning to trust and love again (ayus lang..that’s life eh!)
>>tanungin niyo ako ng comment ko. hehe.

*seeing your partner battle with death! (my goodness!knocks on wood!)
>>that's something i don't think i can bear.

*but the hardest thing really is learning to love yourself ~ we always forget to do this (korek…now I’m thinking of a particular person…)
>>learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. :)

"At ito naman ang dagdag ko…

***It really hurts pag naging panakip-butas ka lang!!!! yung tipong ginamit ka lang kasi hindi pa sya makapag-move on… palipas oras, in other words…and suddenly that person will dump you just like that! (tamaan na ang dapat tamaan!—bitter?ha ha!)

But despite these things, cheer up! Because we’re counting on God!

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18"

si ruth pa rin nagsulat nung quoted part. nililinaw ko lang. hehe. eto yung sken, "what good is love when it keeps on hurting me.. i guess love would be nice for someone else's life.." hehe. joke lang. bigla ko lang naalala yung song ni Stacie Orrico (nasan na nga ba siya?) na "I'm Not Missing You" :D

seriously, pain is good. it keeps us alive. so don't be afraid of getting hurt. gaya nga ng lagi kong sinasabi, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". kaya be thankful for the heartbreaks and heartaches. part yan ng process of growing up and becoming a better you. just make sure you learn your lessons.

eto yung naisip kong bagay na ending sa post na ito. naalala ko lang yung song: you've made me stronger by breaking my heart, you ended my life and made a better one start. you've taught me everything from falling in love to letting go of a lie. yes you've made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye". :D

pagpasensiyahan niyo na kung puro kanta. e kasi naman singer nga ako diba? hehe. anong petsa na pala. masyado naman akong naaliw sa post na ito. westlife sis ruthie, thanks for this. :) stress-reliever. :D

o siya, tulog na ako. good morning people. :) yan ang epekto ng naiiwang mag-isa sa bahay nang matagal. walang ibang kausap, walang kasama. kung ano-ano tuloy nababasa ko. hehe. pero good thing din naman. kahit pano nakapag-reflect ako. seryoso yun. :)

affirmation.. [God moves in mysterious ways]

the previous week has been a week of trials and tests.. since Saturday of last week, i've been bombarded with issues that seemed so hard for me to bear and situations too tough for me to handle.. i've been told of things that broke my already broken heart.. sabi nga ni melai, 'hindi lang basta biniyak na bato, ginawa pang buhangin.' honestly, i was sooooooooooooo down.. really.. and to make things worse, i found out that i don't only have a problem with my stomach, but with my back as well.. the X-ray plate was clear, i have scoliosis (dextro and levo).. good thing the angle of curvature was only 10 degrees with grade II levorotation. i'll meet the orthologist on Tuesday, and then, I will know what i have to do.. as for now, i am not allowed to carry heavy objects and i am requested to rest (again)..

not only that, Dr. Abe has also advised me to see Dr. Mario, a gastroenterologist who will conduct the endoscopy procedure to check the condition of my stomach.. this is because the medicine i have taken for 20 days, unfortunately, took no effect.. i still don't feel well..

yesterday, after the first debate in my leadership class, i left and met my mother in cubao.. we went to the hospital (De Los Santos Medical Center) to see Dr. Mario Adraneda. We waited in line for almost an hour but the consultation only took less than 5 minutes.. and that's already P400. anyway, he had given me no choice but endoscopy.. asap.. he wanted to have it tomorrow, but since i have an exam (and we don't have money yet), he scheduled it on wednesday.. 8:30am at the Jose Reyes Memorial Medical Center (friends, i need your prayers.. i have to admit that i'm scared.. scared of the procedure, scared of everything.. and i badly need your prayers.. sa ngayon, wala pa rin kameng pera, pero i know God will provide..)

sa lahat ng nangyayari sken ngayon: problema sa health, sa pera, sa studies (thesis presentation is on wednesday but i won't be able to present because one, i don't have anything good to present, and two, i'll be at the hospital), sa mga taong pilit akong sinasaktan at nilalaglag, at sa lahat ng hindi magandang bagay sa paligid ko na hindi ko na kailangan pang isa-isahin, bakit ang title ng post na ito ay 'affirmation'? bakit ko pa sinabing God moves in mysterious ways eh puro nga ako problema? narito po ang ilan sa mga dahilan..

i am able to say that God moves in mysterious ways because..

1. the endoscopy procedure costs P8500-10,000++ but i'll only pay P4000, same instrument, same doctor.

2. i received an affirmation last night, during our Christian Life Program.. my original plan was to just join the music ministry in singing the praise and worship songs tapos uwi na.. sa totoo lang, mas madali na akong mapagod ngayon.. my back aches more frequently and more intensely these days kaya hindi na ako makatagal ng mahabang oras na pag-upo, pagtayo.. however, last night was different.. i decided to stay.. inisip ko rin kasi, next Saturday malaki ang chance na hindi ako makakapunta sa CLP at dahil facilitator na si Melai at assistant nya si Velle, i need to support them.. i need to at least guide them in their first discussion with the participants.. and siguro nga, gusto rin talaga ni God na magstay ako.. because He spoke to me through Ate Liza, our speaker.. the topic was God's love' and i am affirmed that God does love me.. and that everything that i am going through right now is just a manifestation of His love for me.. ang hirap explain pero with all sincerity, ramdam ko talaga na mahal ako ng Diyos.. ^_^

3. my daughters in the community, Melai and Velle, will be with me through the procedure.. i know ibang klaseng sacrifice ang kelangan nilang gawin.. Melai has to wake up early, at si Velle naman, wala pang tulog galing sa work.. pero they are willing to be with me.. and it means a lot.. i'm not that strong, but because they will be there, i know i'll be fine.

4. i was able to enjoy the company of my brothers and sisters in the community this afternoon.. we had lunch together, jammed together, laughed together.. i swear it was fun.. at sobrang touched ako kasi kahit loko lang ni batchmate sidh, he held me when he sang this line: if i had only one friend left, i want it to be you.. wala lang..

5. and most importantly, nalaman ko ng mas maaga yung scolio ko.. salamat kay velle at sidh na nagtrace ng backbone ko at nagsabing magpatingin na ako kasi hindi pantay ang buto ko.. at hindi lang pagod ang cause ng back pain ko.. kung hindi sa payo nila, patuloy kong iisiping ulcer lang ang sakit ko.. at malamang, lumalala pa yung scolio ko..

sa lahat ng mga dahilang nabanggit ko, at sa marami pang ibang dahilan, alam ko at ramdam kong mahal ako ng Panginoon.. and i would like to take this chance to thank Him for everything He has done for me.. honestly, the content of my prayer is nothing but thanksgiving.. hindi ko nga magawang humiling pa sa Kanya eh..kasi sa dami ng binigay na Niya, ano pa bang hihilingin ko? sabi nga ni Ate Liza, God knows everything.. He knows our needs.. And He will provide.. i know He will..

this is my prayer.. and i'm sharing it because i'll never know who can be touched by it.. maybe someone else is going through the same situation that i'm in.. and maybe, my prayer is also somebody else's prayer.. here it goes..

My Lord, I praise and thank You for everything that You have done in my life.
Thank you for the trials - they have taught me to depend on You and to let go and let You move in my life.
Thank you for the heartaches and the pain of undeserved suffering - they have made me stronger and they have taught me what sacrificial and unconditional love truly mean.
Thank you for the little moments of laughter and joy - they have made me appreciate the beauty of life and the whole of Creation.
Thank you for the people that I meet everyday - they have taught me to love and accept others no matter how difficult they can sometimes be.
Thank you for the gift of life - I am given the chance to serve the purpose for which I was created.
Thank you for my sickness - it has taught me to live each day as if it's my last, to value each passing moment, to appreciate more.
Thank you for my family, for my true friends, for my daughters in the community, for my ates and kuyas, brothers and sisters (esp. Rhoan, Sidh, Alvin, and Kuya Don), and for my leaders (Kuya Pip and Ate Jing) who have been very much supportive and truly caring - their faith in me has caused me to have faith in myself. Through them, I feel You, i feel Your love.
Thank You for Your mercy. Thank You for Your love. Thank You for never leaving me. Thank You for accepting and loving me as I am - weak, imperfect, a sinner.
Loving and Perfect Father, I can't thank You enough for all the blessings that You have given me and my family.
I know that You know how broken I am, how sick I am, and I am confident that You will be my Healer, You will fix whatever is needed to be fixed in my life. Without You, I am nothing Lord, take me, mold me, use me. I am Yours, all Yours.
Lord, I know how much I have sinned against you and I humbly ask for forgiveness. I ask for Your grace to help me live each day for Your glory, doing Your will, and sharing Your word, Your love, and Your mercy.
You know me Lord. You know me very well. I can't ask for anything more. You have given me more than enough. And all my days, I will testify to Your goodness. I may have said too much but there's still much to be said. And You know it Lord, You know how much awe I have for You.
I love You Lord. I need You. I surrender and I offer everything to You. You are my God. You are Everything. Thank You.

some thoughts..

time flies so fast.. it was like just yesterday when i was talking about the new year and stuffs related to it.. but now, January is about to end already.. it's been more than 3 weeks since the last time i posted a blog entry.. i do write on my journal but i barely have time to encode my thoughts.. i remembered having it as a resolution: to blog regularly.. but again, resolutions are easier said than done.. hehe.. anyway, i'm back.. and once again, i'll be sharing my thoughts and experiences during my 3-week 'break'.. don't be misled, i did have a break, but on online stuffs only.. the truth is, i've been so busy doing a lot of things - academics, part-time job, service, and a whole lot more.. the introduction's been long enough.. here goes my blog entry.. ^_^

let me first share with you some of the best text messages i've received since the year started.

*In the Lord's Prayer, the word 'love' did not appear; 'forgive' was used. Perhaps it's because forgiving is the highest expression of loving.
-> this is something to ponder on. when i read this message, i was deeply moved and i asked myself, 'am i really loving?' i think i haven't truly forgiven and forgotten yet.. but i know in time, i will.

*Coffee has evolved in years - with cream, iced coffee, coffee with choco chips or cookies. But no matter how people try to innovate coffee varieties, it still doesn't lose its distinct aroma. Just like us, no matter how we clothe ourselves with different personalities, still, our character remains. People may destroy your image, stain your personality, but they can't take away your character. Live. Exist. Let your character diffuse its distinct aroma, because no matter what, YOU ARE ADMIRED BY PEOPLE WHO REALLY KNOW YOU.
-> enough said. and i agree. ^_^

*You'll never find anybody that achieves great success in life without a give-up story. Nothing comes free. And there will come a time when you will find that you too will have to give up something GOOD if you want something BETTER.
-> i've found that out already. and i've given up a lot of things already. did i get anything better? yes.

*Do not ask the Lord to guide your steps if you are not willing to move your feet. -> some really wise words.

*"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy'. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is above all, to matter: To count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all." -Leo Calvin Rosten in Passions and Prejudices
-> good thing i'm living for the true purpose of life. my fulfillment comes from knowing that i've done something great, that i've made a difference, and that i've touched lives.

*There will come a point in your life when you'll get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. It's not giving up, it's just a realization that you don't need certain people and all their freaking dramas.
-> i've come to that point already. and only then did i realize that i do get tired.. marunong din pala akong magsawa.. hindi pala ako martyr gaya ng iniisip nila at iniisip ko rin dati..

*Live life so completely that when death comes to you like a thief in the night, there will be nothing left for him to steal.
-> ^_^

*Every person has been given a unique self, and the purpose of life is to share the very best of that with the world.
-> true.

*Being alone sometimes gives you space to grow. Sometimes, it's hard to grow when you're too close to someone. Remember that trees are planted far from each other so they can spread their branches and be matured.
-> oo nga naman. i agree.

and the best of them all..

*Love isn't just about the words, but the meaning behind them.
It's not just "you can trust me" but "i'll never make you doubt"
not just "don't do this" but "let me do it for you"
not just "take care" but "let me hold your hand"
not just "don't go there" but "let me go with you"
not just "i'm sorry" but "i'll never hurt you again"
not just "i'm here" but "i'll never leave you"
not just "don't get wet in the rain" but "let me hold your umbrella"
not just "don't worry" but "i'll never give you reason to"
not just "i love you" but "life has no meaning without you."
-> from now on, eto na ang basis ko ng love, aside from what is written in 1Corinthians 13. the next time will be the last time. and i'll make sure that i'll get it right then. no room for mistakes and heartbreaks. i've had enough.

ang dami ko na atang nasabi.. puro text messages pa lang yun.. should i go on? hmm.. masyado na kasing personal yung ibang thoughts ko.. mga bagay na mas mabuting ako na lang ang nakakaalam..

ok, share ko na lang yung lecture namin sa leadership class last Saturday. the president of Nestle Philippines gave a short but really powerful and influential talk. just like Sir Jim (P&G Philippines President), Nandu (Nestle Philippines president) focused on the fundamentals of leadership: attitudes.

based on the leadership model that he presented, three things make up a leader: behavior, skills, and attitudes.

and the two best advices he gave were:
1. know yourself (what you want, your strengths, skills, principles, etc)
2. be yourself (in any given situation)

my goal before the month ends: to reexamine myself, spend time alone, and really think things over.. i need to do a lot of self-examination, meditation, reflection, and quiet time with the Lord.. i need to think about my priorities, my principles, and everything else.. no, i'm not lost.. medyo lang siguro pero clear pa rin naman kung anong gusto kong mangyari sa life ko at sa mga buhay ng mga tao sa paligid ko.. gusto ko lang masiguro na i have the right reasons in everything that i do and in everything that i decide on.

until my next post, God bless everyone! ^_^

i'm mean because you're stupid.. [farewell to my dark side]

..that's the statement boldly printed on a shirt i saw yesterday at american boulevard..

and the only word that i was able to utter upon seeing it was "nice"..

so what's with it? why did i choose it to be the title of this long post? for one, i believe that the statement makes sense.. at isa pa, nakaka-relate ako.. somehow..

as i look back sa lahat ng nangyayari sa life ko lately, i have but one realization: this is not me! this is not the life that i want..

everything is a mess.. nothing seems right, in fact, nothing IS right.

in as much as i want to put the blame on other people, i can't help but be guilty of everything.. this is my life.. and it is my decision to live it this way.. and i definitely made a very wrong decision..

i thought i was doing the right thing.. i thought it was the best, most healthy move for me.. pero hindi pala.. habang tumatagal ako sa pagiging ganito, nagiging malinaw din sa akin ang lahat.. sinisira ko lang ang sarili ko.. pinapatay ko kung sino talaga ako..

siguro nga yun din naman kasi ang gusto ko, patayin yung dating ako.. kalimutan lahat.. magsimula uli.. but then again, everything is easier said than done..

all this time, loser pa rin pala ako..

i'm killing myself sa sobrang pagka-busy ko sa iba't ibang bagay.. school, work, service, etc..
i barely have enough time to sleep or rest or even eat.. i'm always on the go..

bilib nga ako sa sarili ko kasi kahit na lagi akong nagpapaulan, hindi ako nagkakasakit.. kahit na maubos ko ang isang tumbler na red horse, hindi man lang ako nahihilo.. wala lang.. numb lang ako plus some rashes sa likod.. pero other than those, sobrang ok ako.. kaya ko pang gumala sa mall, mag-movie marathon, magpuyat, etc.. i had minor ulcer attacks pero nadadaan naman sa gamot.. i lost weight but i'm still healthy.. galing di ba? akala ko maganda yun.. akala ko that made me better than anyone else.. pero isang malaking sampal sken yung sinabi niya.. "bahala ka nga sa buhay mo, pakamatay ka kung gusto mo.. uminom ka na naman? nakaka-TO ha?!"

ouch. that really hurts like hell..

and then i began to question: do i really wanna die? ano nga bang ginagawa ko sa buhay ko?
gusto ko ba 'to?

and the answers came..

no. hindi ito ang gusto mo.. hindi rin ikaw yan.. ginagawa mo lang lahat yan para tumakas.. para makalimot.. pero hindi mo gusto yan.. pinili mong gawin ang mga bagay na yan para ipakita sa kanila na hindi na ikaw yung mahina at iyaking unaiza.. ginagawa mo yan para patunayan na kaya mo ring sumabay sa agos.. nasaktan ka kasi nang sobra kaya gusto mong ipakita na hindi ka papatalo.. marunong ka rin lumaban.. hindi ka loser.. pwede ka ring maging bad.. gaya ng karamihan..

damn.

bakit nga ba ito ang pinili ko? this is not right.

i miss my old self.. i miss being gentle, being modest, being kind..

ni hindi ko man lang masabi ang salitang 'i love you' ngayon.. kahit sa pamilya ko.. hindi na ako masaya sa buhay na meron ako ngayon.. i wish i could go back to the time when the only people that mattered to me are my parents, my brother, my closest friends, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and my Lolos and Lolas.. pero syempre hindi na posible yun..

so anong gagawin ko ngayon?

i want a total make-over in my life..

aayusin ko lahat ng dapat ayusin.. tama na ang kahibangang ito.. i've been bad and i didn't like it.. dahil hindi naman talaga ako masama..

hindi ko kelangang sumabay sa agos.. hindi naman ako ganun dati e.. at ayoko ng sumabay pa sa agos.. ayos lang maiwan basta alam kong tama ako..

sabi nga ni sir jim, this is the hardest principle, but this must be our principle: DO THE RIGHT THING.

naging rebelde ako sa sarili ko sa loob ng mahigit isang buwan.. eto ang naging escape ko.. pero tapos na yung stage na yun..

this time, i'm determined to be what God intends me to be..

parang paulit-ulit na yung posts ko.. parang nasabi ko na rin 'to dati..

pero iba na ngayon, because this is going to be the last time that i'll write about my miseries..

last saturday, we were asked to write down 3-7 principles that we want to live by.. and i've listed five..

1. Do the right thing.
2. God first.
3. Less for self, more for others.
4. Never let emotions get in the way.
5. Play to win.

mark this day. from this day on, i'm gonna live by those principles.

alam kong hindi ko na maibabalik yung dating ako.. pero kaya kong ayusin ang buhay ko.. and that's exactly what i'm going to do..

i'll put my heart back together.. i'm gonna pick the pieces of my life.. back to zero ako, start from scratch.. pero hindi naman imposibleng buuin uli ang sarili ko e.. kaya ko 'to.. go aiza! go and touch others' hearts..

this is my song.. and my prayer..

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire, my heart's one desire is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I want to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within and make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin deep within

i can't think of a title for this one..

~*love someone and be happy about it, even if you know it cannot last forever. it's not about having someone nor about owning a relationship.. but it's about being happy because you're in love; there are purposes and meanings behind all events and these develop us, as a person and as a lover.. whatever relationship you have in your life now, is precisely the one you need at the moment.. don't pressure yourself with fear of losing someone.. instead, while you can, make the most out of what you have..*~

->one of those 'pasok sa banga' quotes, as chai calls them..

anyway, i'm glad that i've fixed whatever is needed to be fixed..
hindi ko pala talaga kaya.. ako rin ang naunang mag-sorry.. it's not true na kayang tiisin ng anak ang magulang.. depende siguro yun sa tao.. as for me, i love my parents that much that i can't afford to hurt them.. although hindi talaga maiwasan minsan.. good thing they understand..

i'm really blessed to have them as my parents.. kahit ano pang sabihin ng ibang tao, for me, they're still the best..

and now that we're ok again, as good as before, i feel relieved.. hindi talaga kasi ako mapalagay 'pag alam kong may hindi ako nalilinis na gusot.. lalo na kung involved ang parents ko..

God is good indeed! He constantly guides us to do what's right and what's good.. we just have to pray, ask for guidance, and seek the light..

have a good day everyone! God bless! =)

P.S. another good quote:

~*never let the things you want make you forget the things you already have..*~

i almost died last sunday.. lessons on appreciating God's countless blessings..

10:15 PM 4/30/2007

i can't carry on anymore.. i'll continue with this blog entry tomorrow morning..

just a quick overview: this post will contain my experiences during our Lord's Day and Fellowship in Batangas, my recent realizations, and text messages which have touched my heart in one way or another..

'til tomorrow..

1:45 PM 5/1/2007

i woke up at 10am today to watch detective conan.. i really love that show.. i'm learning a lot.. and here's one of the things he (conan/sinichi) said na talaga namang tumatak sa isip ko:
"walang tama o maling deduksyon, dahil isa lang ang katotohanan.."

anyway, eto na yung continuation ng story ko.. by the way, just a warning, this is going to be a long post.. marami kasi akong sasabihin.. let me start with what happened last saturday..

may nagawa na akong post last sunday kaso lang i wasn't able to finish it kasi sobrang sleepy na talaga ako.. plus the fact that i have to be up by 6:00am the following day for my internship..

after the long introduction, eto na talaga.. =)

on saturday morning, i went to manila to have lunch with him.. ayoko ng magbigay ng details about it.. amin na lang yun.. but i was happy to see him again.. i missed him a lot kahit na almost every night ko siyang kausap.. i left at around 3pm to prepare for our Lord's Day and Fellowship/Outing sa Batangas.. super excited ako pumunta sa beach.. sabi nga ni binoy, romantic daw yung setting.. well, it's not really that.. what i'm looking forward to is the serene ambiance that only nature could provide.. and for some reason, i have always believed that the sea could heal a broken soul.. and yes, i think i am broken..

when i got home, i packed my things up, took a quick shower, and hurried to rosario to help in the preparation for the Lord's Day ceremony..

hindi ko na sasabihin pa yung details kasi may mga hindi magandang nangyari.. may mga sinumpong, kaya medyo nagkaroon ng tensiyon..

anyway, naging masaya naman yung gabi namin lalo na nung praisefest.. lahat kasi ng kinanta, gusto ko.. especially yung 'heaven is here..'

after the Lord's Day, nag-prepare na kami para sa pagpunta sa Batangas.. while waiting for the other members, pumunta muna kami sa 711 para bumili ng iba pang kelangan.. at syempre i had to call my family at siya na rin..

nakakatuwa kasi dun sa 711, nagpa-picture pa kami.. batch namin at si kuya rap.. nung magbabayad na ako, sabi nung guy dun sa counter, "siguro ma'am ikaw yung pinakamaganda dun.." haha! natawa talaga ako.. kamusta naman? napansin pa niya ako.. ayun.. so bumalik na kami sa jeep.. at naghintay..
napag-usapan na namin ng isang brother na tabi kami kasi may dala akong pillow, kaso lang pinaghiwalay yung babae at lalaki para raw magkaroon ng bonding yung sisters at brothers.. so ganun na nga..

dumating kami sa lemery around 3am.. konting pahinga lang sa bahay nina bea tapos tumuloy na sa beach..

i wasn't feeling well at that time kasi sobrang inaantok pa ako.. kaso lang excited ang lahat na abangan ang pagsikat ng araw..

around 5am, may dumating na banca.. at nag-alok si manong ng boating hanggang sa coral reefs.. at syempre, sumama ako..

i was with ate ive, ate glenda, karen, jhoy, and tin.. nakakatuwa kasi sobrang layo ng narating namin.. at sobrang na-enjoy namin yung view.. personally, i was satisfied with that trip..

when we reached the farthest point that we could get to, we shouted at the top of our lungs.. wala lang.. para lang ma-release lahat ng dala-dala naming excess baggage..

i wanted to cry there but no, nature is so beautiful to enjoy.. walang lugar ang pag-iyak.. at that time and place, i felt nothing but gratitude for such a wonderful world.. ang sarap ng feeling.. it's a different kind of freedom.. and i've proven that indeed, the sea could heal my broken soul..

tama si binoy, sobrang romantic ng setting.. kaso lang i was with the sisters.. i wish i was with him.. with tweet2, with my family.. and isa yun sa goals ko.. someday, makakasama ko rin ang mga taong pinakamamahal ko sa gitna ng dagat.. but it doesn't mean na hindi ko na-enjoy yung moment na yun..
no, i was very happy at that time.. at mas na-appreciate ko yung sisters habang kasama ko sila..

and what's even more amazing is the fact that we're able to witness the sunrise.. and it feels so good to travel along the path of the light of the sun.. sakto talaga.. i swear, sobrang perfect ng moment na yun.. sayang nga lang wala kaming dalang camera.. but that moment will be forever in my heart.. i don't know how to explain what i felt upon seeing the sun shining and smiling on me.. basta ang alam ko lang, we believed and we claimed that something wonderful is going to happen.. for us, it was a miracle.. at thankful kami kasi alam naming hindi magtatagal, makakamit na rin namin yung mga matagal na naming pinapangarap at pinagdarasal..

after the boating, naglakad naman kami sa shore.. at dun na kami nag-bond nang husto ni ate glenda..

pagbalik namin, inenjoy naman namin ang dagat.. kaso lang may hindi magandang nangyari.. as the title of this post says, i almost died.. exagg nga siguro pero yun kasi yung naramdaman ko e.. seconds lang yun but it seemed forever to me.. that situation reminded me of the people i love the most.. i only thought of 4 people.. kung sino sila, hindi na mahalaga.. basta alam kong sila ang dahilan kung bakit ayoko pang lisanin ang mundong ito..

salamat kay kuya mer at ate yet na tumulong sken.. wala na akong ibang nagawa kundi ang umiyak.. sobrang natakot talaga ako.. i was traumatized.. feeling ko its already my end.. hindi ko na nga alam kung sino2 yung lumapit at yumakap sken pero salamat sa kanila.. their hugs meant a lot.. i wanted to call my parents.. i wanted to call him.. i just needed a hug.. that's all..

sakto namang oras na ng breakfast and everyone was busy preparing the food, except for those who tried to comfort me.. i tried to be okay.. kaso lang i'm still not over the situation.. ang sakit sa dibdib.. ang tindi talaga ng nerbiyos ko.. i did nothing but cry to release the tension and the trauma that i feel..
pero hindi pa rin talaga.. nilapitan na ako ni sidh para patahanin.. i won't forget how he tried to comfort me by treating me like a baby.. sabi niya kain na raw muna kami.. mamaya raw swimming uli kami.. i was like, "awww.. that was so sweet.." i wanted to hug him but i don't have the strength to stand and face them.. tapos tinanong ako ni ate glenda kung gusto ko raw bang maglakad.. i said yes because i thought that's the best thing i could do.. lumayo muna.. nakahanap kami ng perfect spot para umupo at mag-relax.. na-appreciate ko talaga yung ginawa ni ate glenda.. she just let me cry my heart out.. release the tension.. and regain my composure.. she just listened.. she cared..

nasabi ko na sa kanya halos lahat ng pwede kong ikwento.. tungkol sa taong patuloy kong minamahal.. sa pamilya ko.. at nakinig lang siya..

honestly, that near-death experience has taught me to appreciate my brothers and sisters more.. especially those who really cared.. si kuya mer, si ate yet, si sidh, at si ate glenda.. pati na rin yung lumapit para i-hug ako.. isa na ata dun si bea..

i really didn't expect those people to show such concern.. lalo na si sidh.. he's a nice guy pero may mga times na suplado siya sken.. but i was surprised with what he did and i appreciate that.. there are only two guys who have treated me that way.. leonard and sidh..

hindi ko matandaan kung na-mention ko na yun before.. pero just so you know, i lost my USB last march.. at sa sobrang sama ng loob ko kasi sobrang importante nun sken, nag-text ako kay leonard para sabihing tumawag siya.. upon hearing his voice, i immediately cried.. crying shoulder ko kasi talaga siya ever since i came to know him.. and what he said really melted my heart.. sabi niya "wag ka ng umiyak.. 'yaan mo, bibili tayo ng bagong USB.." what i felt then was the same feeling that i had last sunday upon hearing almost the same words from sidh.. different situations but same manner of trying to comfort me..

lalo pa akong na-overwhelm kasi nung bumalik kami ni ate glenda, tumawag si papa at nangangamusta.. naiyak na naman ako uli pero hindi ko na sinabi sa kanya yung nangyari para di na siya mag-alala pa..

bumalik pa rin naman ako sa tubig pero sandali na lang at kasama ko na sina kuya mike at kuya toto na tinatawag akong 'bunso..'

bago kami umuwi, dumaan muna kami sa taal church.. and again, umiyak na naman ako..

on our way home, si kuya mike, kuya ron, jan, at yun bag ni sidh ang naging tulugan ko..

pagdating ko sa bahay, hindi ko naitago kay mama yung nangyari kasi naramdaman din niya.. nagising daw siya nung oras na yun kasi nananaginip siya and when she woke up, she was already crying.. she can't remember her dream pero nagising lang siya kasi napagod na siya kakaiyak.. when she heard the story, syempre nagalit siya.. hindi raw dapat nangyari yun.. mahirap daw talaga yung sobrang tiwala.. i begged her not to tell papa about it.. kasi baka sabihin niyang umalis na ako sa community, which i never want to do.. alam ko namang hindi intentional yun e.. it was just an accident..

after kumain, at gumawa ng progress report for my internship blog, natulog na ako.. hindi ko na talaga kayang pumunta pa kina ronald para batiin siya ng 'happy birthday' at mag-sorry sa hindi ko pag-attend ng party niya nung saturday.. i texted him and told him that i can't blame him kung nagtatampo siya sken pero sana maintindihan niya..

the next morning, which was yesterday, i forced myself to wake up and prepare for my ojt.. tinanong ako ni mama kung ok na ba ako.. syempre medyo hindi pa.. parang ang bigat pa ng katawan ko.. dala na rin ng nerbiyos, puyat, at pagod sa biyahe.. but i have to be in the office.. kaya pinilit ko pa rin.. naisip ko wala namang pasok ngayon kaya pwede akong bumawi..

last night, he called.. pero before that, tumawag na rin si ronald.. and i'm glad na ok na kami.. bestfriend ko siya since elementary kaya naman masaya akong hindi na siya galit.. sobrang love ko rin yun and i never want to fail him.. it's just that nauna na akong nag-commit sa SFC.. pero yun, thank God nagkaayos na kami..

so, yun nga, tumawag din si leonard.. at syempre, hindi ko rin nadeny sa kanya yung nangyari.. as expected, hindi niya nagustuhan.. e medyo war freak talaga yun e.. parang si papa rin.. sabi niya, iwan ko na raw ang SFC.. lagi na lang daw akong umiiyak.. (alam din niya yung nangyari nung birthday ni kuya tj).. pero sabi ko nga, tapos na yun.. naiyak ko na.. nag-sorry na yung tao.. ok na ako.. hindi pa rin siya convinced and he's insisting a revenge.. tipong "hindi pwedeng ganun na lang yun.. pa'no kung hindi ka na-save, maibabalik ba ng sorry nya yung buhay mo if ever something worse happened? anong gusto mo, magpasalamat sa kanya for risking your life?" alam ko namang ganun na talaga magiging reaction niya.. protective din kasi yun eh.. pero syempre, ako pa rin naman ang magdedecide kung anong gusto kong gawin.. and i have decided to forgive and forget.. sabi niya sken, akala pa naman daw niya magagandang bagay ang ikukwento ko.. sobrang excited ko pa raw tapos iiyak lang pala ako.. nag-sorry ako sa kanya for not being able to buy balisong.. nakatulog kasi ako sa biyahe.. sa tagaytay na ako nagising.. natuwa lang ako sa sinabi niya na muntik na nga raw akong hindi nakabalik, pasalubong pa rin ang iniisip ko.. hehe.. syempre naman, takot ako sa kanya e.. at gaya ng inaasahan ko, pinagsabihan niya rin ako.. na may mali rin daw ako.. dapat daw hindi ako masyadong nagtitiwala.. yun din ang sinabi ni mama.. at malamang, yun din ang sasabihin ni papa.. sabi pa niya mas okay raw sana kung bloopers na lang yung nakwento ko.. mga tipong pwedeng ipalabas sa bitoy's funniest videos.. kaso lang walang ganun e..

ang dami ko na palang nasabi.. pero basta ang importante, na-appreciate ko yung nature, na-appreciate ko yung mga taong nagmamahal, at na-realize kong i have to be strong and i have to survive para sa mga taong mahal ko.. pamilya ko, si leonard, mga kaibigan, at mga tunay na nagmamahal at nagpapahalaga sken..

and of course, i appreciate life now more than ever.. sabi nga ni leonard, baka nga raw yun na yung miracle ko.. sort of 2nd life na rin.. hindi nga siguro ganun kadelikado yung nangyari pero kasi ganun yung naramdaman ko e.. sobrang big deal siya for me.. and i realized, i could die anytime.. and i have to be always prepared for it.. kaya while i'm still blessed to be alive, dapat wala akong sayanging panahon at pagkakataon.. dapat lagi kong ipaalam sa mga taong mahalaga sken na mahal ko sila.. at dapat din, ipakita ko yung appreciation ko sa mga taong nakakagawa ng kabutihan sken..

one last, happy ako sa mga natatanggap kong comments from people i don't know.. lalo na sa mga taong nag-rereact sa blog ko sa facebox (netlog na ngayon).. to soul_hunter, and to the pakistani guy, thank you so much! =)

i'm afraid i have to end this post here.. i still have some other things to do for chikka..

wala lang, bago ko tapusin 'to, gusto ko lang sabihin na ka-txt ko si kuya delmer ngayon.. at sabi niya, na-miss daw niya yung bonding nung sunday.. sana raw hindi na natapos ang araw na yun.. well, ako rin.. despite the not-so-good things that happened, sobrang special pa rin ng araw na yun.. at happy rin ako to be able to bond with them.. sa uulitin..

i'd like to end this post with a beautiful message from bernard.. thanks dude!

~*never regret a day in your life.. good days give you happiness, bad days teach you experience.. both are essential to life.. all are God's blessings..*~

good day and God bless everyone! *hug* =)

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the following are my journal entries which i wasn't able to post in my blogs.. read on if you still have time.. the text messages are beautiful.. =)

8:03 PM 4/29/07 *this is the post i was talking about..*

before anything else, i would like share the following quotes i recently received from my good friends..
i don't have that much space in my inbox that's why i have to erase text messages regularly.. and today is my schedule of deletion.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES:
oftentimes, we need to pray not because we need to change the situation, but primarily because we need God to change our attitude towards the situation.

every moment we waste with anger and worries are moments of happiness we steal from ourselves. there's never been a day or night that God didn't remember you, not a moment that He didn't watch over you, never a time He didn't protect you, because God loves you.

it's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life.

it's hard to wait around for something that you know will never happen, but it's harder to stop when you know it's everything you've always wanted.

the starting point of maturity is the realization that "no one is coming to the rescue." everything you are or ever will be is entirely up to you.

it's not one great deed that defines who you are. it's the little good things you do to others day by day that counts. carry on! others may not notice but God does.

LOVE QUOTES:
there are things you can't see but you choose to believe..reasons you have but you can't explain.. mistakes you can't bring yourself and a love so questionable but you still choose to fight for.

if your heart gets broken, don't be bitter.. don't turn your back on love.. just keep on trying.. because there is no better remedy for love but to love again.

LOVE..
it means trusting yourself with someone who has seen you at your worst and loves you anyway..
it means teasing each other and laughing at inside jokes nobody but only the two of you understand..
it means feeling safe enough to talk about anything and having the patience to work out disagreements..
it means counting on someone who sympathizes when you had a bad day, worries about you when you're gone too long, and always welcomes you with open arms no matter what.

loving many people all at the same time is like eating candies with different flavors.. it's fun because you get to taste all of them.. but once you're done, and when they're all gone, can you tell which candy was the sweetest? stop fooling around.. learn how to let things go.. know that you cannot have everything.. stick with someone who makes you happy.. you only get to live once.. get rid of the other candies and do yourself a favor.. stay with the one you love most.

when letting go becomes the hardest choice you'll ever make, all you have to do is keep calm for a while & tell your heart "all things come and go, you only have to learn how to set it free."

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9:00 AM 4/27/07
bloody chikka internship..

fifth day na namin dito and things are getting worse.. hay.. kamusta naman? quiz about the doctoral thesis we were asked to read.. coding of the subscription service (quote central - smart).. ano pa ba? i've expected things to be hard, but not this hard.. well, maybe because i am having this 'mild' influenza that's why i can't digest what i've been reading.. the result? i have to read that part again.. another wasted time.. honestly, i could feel that i am not in the proper condition now.. i'm not really feeling well.. i'm sick.. =(

i hope things would get better as i go on with my internship.. i still have barely 3 weeks to do a great job.. it isn't too late, is it?

by the way, if there have been difficult times, there are also good times, which happen during lunch breaks.. i'm really lucky to be with cool and fun people.. and we really get along well..

as a matter of fact, during our first day, after the contract signing, we had our pictures taken.. hindi naman kami camera addicts no? haha!