nothing important

nasanay lang ako na after manood ng One Liter of Tears e mag-oonline at magbblog bago matulog. :D

hmm. ano bang sasabihin ko ngayon? wala naman. magkukwento na lang muna ako.

once upon a time, in a land so far away, there lived a beautiful princess...

wahaha! nagkwento talaga??? at mukhang fairy tale pa ang balak ikwento. hehe. :D

seryoso na. ^_^

halos buong araw na umulan. at hanggang sa ngayon e umuulan pa with matching kulog at kidlat na super hate ko. kaya naman gusto ko ng tapusin ito, pumasok na sa kwarto at matulog. hehe. takot lang talaga ako sa kidlat. at lahat ng malapit sken, alam yun. (kasi may secret ako, secret lang ha? ganito kasi yun, nung buntis si mama saken, muntik na siyang tamaan ng kidlat, AS IN! kaya yun, takot ako sa kidlat. hehe. may konek ba yun? ewan. basta ganun. :D)

anyway, nagugustuhan ko na ang Book ni Tobit sa Old Testament. dun kasi uli galing yung 1st reading for today. nakakatuwa kasi tungkol naman yun kay Sara (from yesterday's reading) at sa anak ni Tobit na si Tobias. remember may curse si Sara? anyone she marries dies on the eve of the wedding. hanggang sa eto na nga, dumating si Tobias. umm, i suggest basahin niyo na lang yung kwento na nila. cool, promise! hindi boring. tinapos ko nga hanggang dulo ng chapter 10 e. kahit hindi na yun kasama sa reading for today. hehe. nakaka-inspire din kasi si Tobias talaga yung nakalaan para kay Sara. so sa mga single pa diyan, gaya ko, don't despair, God is still preparing the best for us kaya wait lang tayo (patiently and prayerfully). ^_^ onga pala, speaking of waiting, nakakatawa yung result ng quiz sa Facebook. haha. akalain niyong December 31, 2010 daw ang wedding date ko?! harhar. how would that be possible e wala pa nga akong boyfriend?! haller?! kaya sa groom-to-be ko, paramdam ka na, dali! malelate na tayo sa kasal naten! haha. :))

ay onga pala, eto na yung chapters. pasensya naman, muntik ko ng makalimutan. pasaway na facebook kasi yan. haha. sinisi pa ang facebook. pero promise, nakakatuwang sumagot ng quizzes dun. :D

Tobit 6:10-11, 7:1.9-17; 8:4-9.

ayun. tapos, ano pa bang nangyari? hmm. after lunch, kahit medyo maulan pa rin at medyo feeling ko tinatrangkaso na ako (minus lagnat), humayo (naks! ang lalim, humayo talaga. hehe.) ako at tumungo sa munisipyo ng Cainta. kukuha dapat ako ng Certified True Copy ng Birth Certificate ko kasi hindi tinanggap yung Authenticated Birth Certificate ko sa DFA (malabo raw kasi yung surname. fine.). sa mga hindi nakakaalam, sa Cainta talaga ako pinanganak. dun kasi kame dati. sa St. Francis. pagdating ko sa Registrar, nalungkot naman ako sa sinabi ni Ate. "Naku, 1986 ka, wala na kameng record niyan e. Kasama sa mga nasunog. 1985, 1986, 1987." waaaaaaaaaaaaah! ang saklap naman! alam kong nagkaroon ng sunog dati sa munisipyo pero ni sa hinagap e hindi ko man lang naisip na kasama sa mga nasunog yung Birth Certificate ko. kamusta naman yun? bakit naman birth year ko pa??!! :(( pero syempre, wala na akong magagawa pa. hay. so kelangan kong pumunta sa NSO. goodluck! hindi ba't napakaraming tao lagi dun?! at nag-uuulan pa. goodluck talaga! oh well, that's life. :D

ano ang mga nagpasaya sa araw ko? mga tao, mga bagay, kung ano-ano lang. hehe. mababaw lang naman kaligayahan ko e.

salamat pala kay ate ghen. grabe, kinarir namin ang pagdadaldalan sa telepono kanina. haha.

ayan. yan lang. walang kwenta no? hehe. e kasi naman pag dumaldal pa ako ng dumaldal, malamang hindi na ako matapos. hehe.

onga pala, nasa Pilipinas na si Mancao. tapos 29 na ang confirmed cases ng influenza A(H1N1), 2 dun ay exchange students sa DLSU. tapos may tumamang buhawi sa Barangay UP Campus, along C. P. Garcia. at ayon sa PAGASA, katumbas daw yun ng hangin ng signal # 4 na bagyo. tapos, break na ng Senado. magbabakasyon daw muna ang mga senador. tapos yung Air France plane na bumagsak, no signs of life pa rin daw pero hopeful pa rin yung families ng mga pasahero, lalo na ng nag-iisang pinoy dun. sabi ng pamilya niya, bilang isang seaman, tiwala raw sila na alam niya kung anong dapat gawin sa mga ganung trahedya. ako rin may tiwala sa kakayahan ng pinoy. survivors ata tayo! at higit sa lahat, naniniwala ako sa power ng prayer. kaya sa lahat ng mga balitang ito, at sa lahat ng mga nangyayari sa paligid naten, ang pinakamabisang pantapat ay ang panalangin. God is alive and He hears us and He knows best. ^_^

ang lamig. sarap matulog. pero pray muna.

good night Philippines! ^_^

fixing me

FIX YOU - COLDPLAY


When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Today, I heard God singing that song to me. (And me singing, "how sweet it is to be loved by You", to Him. ^_^)

And nothing feels better than knowing that I am loved by no less than God!

I feel good! I feel great! :D

Yesterday, I talked to two people, a leader, and a best friend. And I was so surprised at how he (the best friend) talked, how he uttered every word, how he analyzed things - he's simply amazing. I've never seen him that calm, that serious, and that full of positive energy. Indeed, God knows. And He knows that I need someone like him (the best friend), and so He sent him to me. Before he left, he told me to think about everything, to still ask for God's wisdom, to talk to Him in prayer. I told him that I already know what to do. But he disagreed. Why? Because according to him, he still sees the hurt and the anger in my eyes. Oh, he knows me THAT well.

This morning, I woke up refreshed and renewed. I reached for my In His Steps to look for today's readings.

Here's what I found: Tobit 3:1-11, 16-17 (Prayer of Tobit and Sara's misfortune).

And I am so thankful that the Bible that I have has discussions on the message of the verses. Here's the discussion for the above reading:

On Tobit's prayer:

"He (Tobit) has dedicated his life in faithfulness to God and now finds himself poor, blind, and even insulted by his wife Anna. How does he react? He presents his problem to God without complaining about anyone, not even about his wife.

In the Bible we repeatedly see that God tests us before granting us a special favor. We will really understand when we hear what Christ says to the disciples of Emmaus: "Did not the Messiah have to suffer all this to enter into His glory?" (Luke 24:26).

He is in solidarity with his sinner people and finds it just to be punished, even though he asks to be freed from this punishment.

He feels incapable of fighting alone in life, and asks for death, but leaves everything in God's hands.

His prayer is to ask for strength and the ability to fulfill what God says and demands and not to present to God his own plan and ask Him to realize it, as we often do when we pray."

On Sara's misfortune:

"When we find ourselves in Sara's situation, we immediately blame God.

Sara thinks about her problem and, in thinking, she sees that she must change her mind and must not ask for death. When we look at one isolated event in life, we can despair, but if we look at the whole, we will always find some reason to keep on struggling.

Sara's reason to keep on living is her love for her father and her desire to give him heirs.

Whenever there is despair it is because we look only at one aspect of life as, for example, the economic aspect. Oftentimes, someone who fights for a cause, or a ruler, wants to give up everything because he is being criticized, without looking at all the good he would not accomplish if he quit."

This afternoon, I told Mama that I can look her directly in the eyes and tell her I'm okay. She asked me why. I replied, "because I already know what to do."

With that, I end this post. ^_^

Good night, Philippines! ^_^

i deserve God's best

checked my email tonight and was able to read Kuya Ryan's post about the online workshop registration for this year's MMC. i clicked on the link which led me to the SFC Global site. i browsed through the articles with no intention but to just browse. but everything happens for a reason, and in every little thing, God speaks. and tonight, He spoke to me through the article posted by Ate Kate Deiparine, written by Dolly Macam.

God spoke to me powerfully in this paragraph:
"Let us not settle for relationships that hurt more than heal; careers that makes us miserable; friendships that alienate us from God and our families; habits that lead us closer to death’s door than to the purposeful life God meant for us; pursuits that benefit no one but ourselves; and lives that are not patterned after God’s wonderful plan!"

after everything that i've been through in the last few weeks, there's no place i'd rather be than home (where my true family is), no person i'd rather be with than mama, papa, arnold, and a few true friends, and no other love i'd rather feel than God's unwavering, unconditional, and everlasting love, the kind of love which demands nothing, that which does not root from just a need, love, in its truest sense.

truly, i deserve nothing but the best, nothing but God's best. why would i settle for less?

i am a woman. i am not just some THING. i was made by God to love and be loved.

days ago, i received this message: "kapag pinapakita mo na kaya mo tanggapin lahat, mas lalo ka nilang sasaktan kasi iniisip nila na kaya mo naman dahil strong ka."

i am strong, but i am not emotionless, no matter how hard i wish i am.
i am strong, but i am not insensitive as others are (i know many of them).
i am strong, but that doesn't mean you can hurt me endlessly.

i am strong, that's why i'm moving forward with no intention to look back. i can't turn back time. if only toni braxton had found a way to unbreak a heart, uncry the tears, and undo the hurts, i would ask her to teach me how. but i guess she hasn't yet. i just don't think it's possible. but what i know is it's possible to have a future way way different from what WAS and IS. and i am determined to have that. and i am starting NOW.

today is the last day of my life (coincidentally also the last of the month), and the first day of my BETTER LIFE.

God made me realize everything little by little. everyday, something happens. His message came in the form of quotes, verses, situations, people, stress, frustrations, and even hurts and pains.

and today, May 31, my parents' 23rd wedding anniversary, God sent me not one, not two, but three life-changing messages:

1. Be with people who know your worth. You don't need too many people to be happy. Just a few real ones who appreciate you for who you are.

2. Sometimes, you have to fight for something to make everything alright. You give your best and you give your all, yet you still lose. But if ever you get tired, tell Jesus, He'll take the fight and win it all for you.

3. You deserve God's best.

thanks to Annie, Mhalen, Shezha, Marshee, and Kuya Ryan who allowed themselves to be my angels today.

and to Ate Eden, for checking on me. (at least somebody cared. okay, i was wrong when i told She that i feel like nobody cares and nobody ever did care. there's somebody - there's Ate Eden and of course there's THEM ^_^)

and to THEM - my family (mama, papa, arnold). they're among God's best.

Kuya Ryan's blog post for today is entitled, "The Best May 31 Ever". i thought it was the opposite for me, but with all the realizations, with everything that God has revealed to me, i would say that today is one of the best days of my life.

two words: surrender and trust.

with that, i'm saying farewell to May and hello to June with high hopes of seeing the bright sunshine after the dark night and the heavy rain. ^_^

good night Philippines! ^_^

P.S.
just want to say this: the greatest commandment is to LOVE, not to USE. Love people, not things. Use things, not people.

random conversations

It's 3 minutes past 3 in the morning. And I'm still awake. I said I'm already sleepy, right? But why can't I sleep? I've been trying to relax but a lot of things are flooding my mind. I wanna shout but I definitely can't do that. A few hours ago, my brother and I had a very intimate conversation. It actually started with a question. We exchanged ideas and thoughts. And the ending? Well, he's asleep now, and here I am, texting my thoughts out just so I can unload them. I wanted to blog but again, I can't do that because I'll be disturbing Mama and Papa who are sleeping where the computer is. Hay. If only I have a laptop. Oops! Did I just yawn?! Alright! I guess this time I can rest peacefully already. This is it! Sleep time. 3:17am. End.

26 May 2009

*****

wondering what my brother and i have talked about? it's confidential. :D

*****

yesterday, 27th of May, Mama's 53rd birthday, i went to T to meet with Sir G, COO of QC. (confidential muna yung details. next time ko na lang i-share. :D)

while waiting for him, i overheard Ms. A's conversation with a guy (who, I think, also works there). at first, they were talking about the Katrina Halili-Hayden Kho scandal. but the interesting part of their conversation was when Ms. A shared a text message.

Ms. A (reading a text message): Wag mong bibitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba. Simple diba? Eto, mas simple: Wag mong hahawakan pag alam mong hawak na ng iba. At ito ang pinakasimple sa pinakasimple: Wag kang hahawak pag alam mong may hawak ka na.

Ms. A (making a comment): Anong ibig sabihin nun? Bastos ba 'to?

(i'm making the best effort not to laugh. haha.)

Guy: Hindi. Tungkol sa relationships yan. Love. Tipong kung hindi mo kayang mapunta sa iba, wag mong pakawalan.

Ms. A: Ahh. Pano kung ayaw ko na sa kanya?

Guy: E di bitawan mo na. Pero kaya mo bang makitang hawak siya ng iba?

Ms. A: Oo. Kasi may hahawak na sakeng iba. (LOL)

:D

*****

then, i went to UP. when i got home, i had my late lunch/merienda/early dinner. unintentionally, i fell asleep while lying on our sofa. i woke up at around 7pm, and only then did i realize that i'm already late for the rehearsal. i know i told ate aike the night before that i may not be able to join the chorale for now, but i love it so much i simply couldn't let it go. and so i fixed myself and hurried to the CFC center.

while on the bus, yho texted. (i already erased the messages and so i'm typing our conversation from memory - except for mine. nasa sent items ko pa kasi. :D some parts may be omitted.)

yho: good evening yha!

yha: hi yho! papunta akong center ngayon. may practice kasi kame. grabe, late na ako. nakatulog kasi ako. hayz.

yho: ahehe. ok lang yan. at least nakatulog ka nang mahimbing.

yha: oo nga e. sobrang pagod kasi. nag-aayos kasi ako ng buhay ko. hehe.

yho: (waaah. nakalimutan ko yung reply ni yho.) haha. inaayos talaga? (something like that)

yha: hehe. oo. mababasa nyo siguro yun sa blog ko one of these days. pag sinipag akong magblog. haha. basta inaayos ko ang buhay ko.

yho: diba ang inaayos lang naman e yung sira?

yha (enlightened): hmm. may punto ka diyan. mali pala yung term ko. hindi dapat "inaayos" kasi in the 1st place, hindi naman sira ang buhay ko. umm, pano ko ba ipapaliwanag? basta may mga mali na dapat itama, may mga pangarap na dapat abutin, may mga bagay na dapat gawin. so yun ang ginagawa ko. sabi nga ni mama, it's time na sarili ko naman ang unahin ko.

we agreed to talk after the rehearsal pero si yho ay nakatulog na. at si yha, wala ng load. haha.

*****

the day's not over yet. eto pa ang natitirang activities ko:

1. practice with the kids (choir)

2. rehearsal @ EDSA Shrine for the Marian Concert tomorrow

at sa ngayon, pahinga muna. :D

magandang hapon pilipinas! ^_^

sorry

last night, something happened. he said, "i already said sorry". "did she accept your apology?", i asked. he replied, "no. it's no longer my problem."

i've been thinking about his response. and i remember reading a comment on Ne-yo's version of Take A Bow.

just some thoughts, or rather reflections, if i may say so.

is sorry enough? i rephrase, is saying sorry enough? a famous line from Dao goes like this: kung pwede ang sorry, para saan pa ang pulis? and i remember hearing those words from him everytime i say sorry (back when we were still together).

based on what he said, and how he delivered it, i would say that to this guy, saying sorry is enough. it's as simple as "i did something bad. fine. i admit it. i'm sorry."

but, is it really enough?

to me it's not.

siguro yun nga yung nagiging problema. people tend to overuse the word "sorry", in the same way that they overuse, if not misuse, the words "i love you".

words are powerful. indeed. but words are not enough. there has to be action. there has to be sincerity.

hindi enough na may ginawa kang mali, tapos magso-sorry ka lang, ok na. vindicated ka na agad. and worse, you act as if everything's okay again kahit hindi pa naman talaga tinatanggap yung apology mo.

you can't say that "it's no longer your problem". in the first place, you gave her/him the reason to be mad at you. tapos sasabihin mong hindi mo na problema kung hindi man niya tanggapin yung apology mo? i don't know, to me it's a sign of being insensitive and irresponsible.

naalala ko lang, the same guy once said, "hindi mo na kailangan pang magpaliwanag. you already said sorry. tama na yun." (you don't need to explain yourself.)

yes, there may be times when you don't really need to explain yourself (especially when you're talking to people who would never understand because they don't want to understand, or even listen to whatever you have to say), but there are situations when you need to. because "sorry" is not enough. it's just a word. it's never enough.

a certain song goes like this: sorry seems to be the hardest word. and to that i agree. why? because "sorry" implies change, and along with it comes the responsibility to make things right. you don't just say sorry. you need to show that indeed you are sorry.

ang lungkot isipin pero ang katotohanan, may mga taong bumabalewala sa halaga ng salitang "patawad". at ang malala pa dun, minsan ginagawa na lang nilang rason yung salitang "sorry" para lang makasakit sila ng iba. tipong, "pwede namang mag-sorry diba? so pwede kitang saktan. mag-sosorry na lang ako pagkatapos."

parang ganito: "God will forgive me anyway, so I can commit as many mistakes as I want. He is a God of mercy, right? And He loves me right? I can always ask for forgiveness and come back to Him anytime."

narinig ko na yan sa isang kaibigan.

hay. should i say life's like that? that's the way it is? we're not in an ideal world. people are not perfect. and they're not saints, so don't expect them to be holy?

but aren't we called to a life of holiness?

i'm not sure if this is still connected and if i'm making sense. pardon me. i'm just typing my thoughts out. :D

we were given the greatest commandment, that is to LOVE. and a tagline from an old movie says, "love means never having to say you're sorry."

my point: do your best not to commit anything which would lead you to saying "sorry" in the future. do everything with love and out of love (and i mean LOVE in its truest sense). and most of all, be sensitive and responsible. ^_^

good night philippines! ^_^

How To Survive... (wala yung test sa UP Infirmary)

20 May, Tuesday 3:32PM

Just a little background. Mama and I went to Pineda to consult another doctor. You know, "second opinion". I woke up at 5am and we arrived there at around 630. Sobrang haba na ng pila at number 44 na ako. My number was called at 9:45am. I was given 3 new medicines, and was asked to undergo a certain test. Hindi na CT Scan, pero libo rin ang halaga. Hopefully meron sa UP Infirmary, para may discount. ^_^ [So Mommy, mali pala yung sagot ko sa'yo kahapon. Yes, I'm still under medication.. na naman. Hehe. At may oras talaga. Kaya mababago na naman ang aking lifestyle. Pero keri lang. I believe it would be better. ^_^]

Anyway, when we got home, kumain lang ako tapos natulog na. I swear, sobrang antok pa talaga ako. Cris knows that. Tanong nga niya kung magaling daw ba yung doctor (para pagtyagaan kong pilahan), sabi ni Mama, magaling daw. God knows best. Mothers know better. I know good. Hehe. Just kidding. =p

My brother woke me up kasi may dumating na bisita si Mama, at dahil wala pa siya, bumili ng gamot ko, ako muna ang nakipag-usap. At hindi na ako nakatulog. So syempre, naghanap ako ng pagkakaabalahan. I went through some old stuffs and found something that caught my attention. It was an article I wrote for the Engineering Society (which I was once part of) Newsletter more than two years ago. Just thought of sharing with you. ^_^

Disappointments: How to Handle Them*

As human beings, we can't deny the fact that at some point in our lives, we have been disappointed either with a person around us or with the situations that we're in. Some of us could have asked questions such as “why am I trapped in this family?”, “why am I not as talented as the other person?”, “why don't I have a boyfriend/girlfriend until now?” And maybe others have told themselves things like “no one really notices me, nothing I say/think is significant”, or “I don't like the way I look.” These statements are all caused by disappointments in the family, self-image, significance, talents and abilities, and romantic relationships. In order for us to overcome these frustrations, we must first track down their root causes.

Disappointments usually come as a result of discontentment. We seek something more beyond what we already have. We tend not to appreciate the little things that really matter. And if things don't go the way we want them to, we end up discouraged and dispirited. But what can we do? We're merely humans, born imperfect and fragile – yes, that may be right, but that doesn’t mean we're hopeless. We have to act and respond positively to our own disappointments. Everything definitely happens for a reason, and even the lowest points in our existence have their own lesson to impart. We don't need to be whiners, we must be winners! How? The Bible tells us everything we need to learn. First, we must realize that despite our flaws as humans, we are loved and cared for by a perfect Father and that we belong to an eternal family. So you don't have to worry about not having an ideal family here on Earth because we really do not belong here. Still be thankful that you have them. Besides, without our family, we wouldn't be here for sure. So why complain about them? Instead of thinking about their faults, why not reflect on how you could help in building a stronger and more harmonious relationship with them. Isn't that the best thing to do? Regarding self-image, why be insecure when all of us are created in the image of God? Of course we wouldn't all look the same, we're human beings, not clones. Let's just accept the fact that we are individuals possessing different traits and characteristics that make us unique. However big or small we are, in God's eyes, we are all beautiful. The feeling of insignificance is also something we must try to avoid, or I should say, 'we must avoid.' We are never alone, there's always God who hears our every cry. People may not see our worth, but God does. Talents? All of us are given special talents and abilities. These gifts can never be stolen. So why envy another person who sings better than you do? Who knows, you cook better than she does. =) We have to believe that our life is a gift from God. We do not lack any good thing from Him. It is natural for us to desire for a relationship but it doesn’t mean we have to be desperate. In God's time, the right person will come and all will be well.

Life on earth isn't perfect but we have the power to make it worthwhile. Our journey may be tough, but we can make it an adventure worth remembering. Live a happy life. Appreciate what you have. Most importantly, have a firm faith in God, in that way, you'll never be disappointed.

*From a Bible Study with the Campus Crusade for Christ Discipleship Group led by Ate Bon.

Ang haba rin pala. Hehe. By the way, may Biblical basis po yung article na ito. If you want to check on them, here's the list of the verses (and what they say). ^_^

1.Isaiah 49:15-16. Can a woman forget her nursing child and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; your walls are continually before Me.

2.Psalm 139:13-14. For You have formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.

3.Psalm 116:1-2. I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.

4.Romans 12:6-8. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.

5.1 Corinthians 7:7. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

Here's some more Survivor Lessons. Nakita ko lang din sa aking mahiwagang baul. Hehe. Umm, dati kasi, nung hindi ko pa natagpuan ang SFC, naging member muna ako ng CCC sa UP. My first ever “household head” was Kuya Jon. Then came Ate Jing, then Ate Bon, then Ate Quel. Eventually, all of us moved on and headed to some other path. The Lord led me to the community to which I belong now, Kuya Jon stayed with CCC, Ate Jing got married (that's what I heard), Ate Quel is now in the US. Marami ng nangyari sa mga buhay namin, hindi ko rin alam kung makikita o makakasama ko pa sila, pero ang alam ko at sigurado ako, they will always be part of who I am now and who I will be. The things that I learned from them will always be with me for all time. ^_^ Anyway, eto na yung iba pang “How To's.”

How to Survive a Stressful Schedule:

To survive stress, be an ANT.

Proverbs 6:6-11. Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise, which, having no captain, overseer or ruler, provides her supplies in the summer, and gathers her food in the harvest. How long will you slumber, O sluggard? When will you rise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep – so shall your poverty come on you like a prowler, and your need like an armed man.

*Analyze the root cause of your stress.

*Note down your goals.

-What do I want to be or do in my lifetime?

-How do I want to be remembered at the end of 15 years?

*Time your activities wisely.

-What are the NON-NEGOTIABLE tasks and people who require your time? This will allow you to determine what your priorities are and to develop good habits.

-Determine which activities you will commit to do everyday, weekly, monthly, and yearly. This will help you to properly plan your day, month, and year.

-Make a schedule. Buy a planner, calendar, and write down everything you need to do.

How to Survive a Broken Heart: (Naku, maraming makakarelate! Haha! Buti na lang, tapos na ako dito. Hehe. Pero share ko rin ibang experience ko. Yung iba lang. Haha. Umm, nga pala, naisip ko lang, kayo na lang magbasa kung anong sinasabi ng verses. It's a good time to reflect din. ^_^)

Psalm 34:18. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a contrite spirit.

1.EXPOSE your heart to God.

*God cares deeply for people in pain. (Psalm 34:18)

*Jesus feels everything that you are going through. (Hebrews 4:15)

We must always remember that we are understood and our feelings are validated. Jesus sympathizes with us. Remember, He too, wept. (John 11:35)

2.EXPRESS your pain.

*Share it with people you trust. (Matthew 26:38) [I did!]

*Allow yourself to cry. (Genesis 43:30 & John 11:35) [Who says crying is bad? Wala siguro siyang emosyon. Hmp! Hehe. May ganun? Wala lang. Sanay na akong masabihang 'bata' dahil sa pag-iyak ko. Pero I don't care. Hindi naman sila nakakaramdam ng nararamdaman ko e. Peace! ^_^]

*Know that your pain is not permanent. (Psalm 30:5 & Ecclesiastes 3:4) [Very comforting yung verses na 'to. At isa pa, yun nga, nothing in this world is permanent.]

3.EXPECT to be a better person.

*You will be able to help others through their pain. (2 Corinthians 1:3-5). [We all learn from experience diba nga? I would like to quote Bo Sanchez when he defined 'experience.' “Experience is not what happens to you. Experience is what you do to what happens to you.”]

*Going through pain can strengthen your character. (James 1:2-4, Romans 5:3-4, Colossians 3:13) [Agree! ^_^]

God never wastes a hurt. Again, everything happens for a reason. =)

It's been the rain
It's been the storms
It's been the days when I've been worn
That I have found You, Lord
That I have seen You, Father
It's in the pain
That I have grown
Through all the sorrow I have known
But if that's what it takes for You to lead me this far
Go ahead and break my heart.
-Kathy Troccoli-

Ang ganda di ba? Take it from me, sorrows bring us closer to God. And I already told myself, if I have to go through all of the pains this world could offer just to be nearer to the Lord, I would! Because God is worth living and worth dying for. ^_^ And now that I have grown so much in love with Him, I know my heart would never ever be broken because with God, I am complete.

How to Survive Your Imperfect Family:

3 Characteristics to Put On:

1.Humility.

*Proverbs 16:19
*Luke 15:18
*Proverbs 15:5
*Ephesians 4:32
*Proverbs 19:11

2.Obedience.

*Ephesians 6:1-3

3.Love.

*Romans 5:8

Ayun lang po. I would like to end this post with one of my favorite Hillsong songs. Ilang tulog na lang, concert na, I'm so excited! God bless everyone! Hanggang sa muli. ^_^

Through It All

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand

And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

bothered..

i came to school late only to find out that our instructor isn't around.. maybe he's watching the senate hearing too.. haha..

i'm bothered..

bothered at what is happening..

i watched the senate hearing on the ZTE broadband deal.. and it's really alarming.. i admire Mr. Jun Lozada for deciding to do the right thing.. i remember Sir Jim's favorite line: 'a principle is not a principle until it costs you something.'

Mr. Lozada's principle is to do the right thing.. and it costs him his and his family's life.

but i strongly believe that every right thing is worth the risk. because in the end, the truth will always prevail.. and the good shall always overcome evil..

i'm still bothered..

bothered at what i have just done.. there he was telling me why i should smile and some really nice things.. but because i was having a bad mood, i told him 'like you care!'.. of course he was upset.. and so was i.. i realized that i was so mean.. damn mean.. [sigh] but i can't take my words back.. the only thing that i could do is to make sure i won't make the same mistake again..

it's not healthy for me either.. i worried all night and all day.. i guess it's true that the softest pillow is a clear conscience.. and because i did something really bad, i found it hard to sleep last night.. and even harder to go through this day.. it's hard to be bad.. i'm just not used to it..

i resolve to live each day as if it's going to be my last.. and part of living my life to the full is enjoying every moment i spend with the people i love.. i don't have enough time to make up to them.. so i better treat them nice..

[i'm sorry.. that's the last time..]

some thoughts..

time flies so fast.. it was like just yesterday when i was talking about the new year and stuffs related to it.. but now, January is about to end already.. it's been more than 3 weeks since the last time i posted a blog entry.. i do write on my journal but i barely have time to encode my thoughts.. i remembered having it as a resolution: to blog regularly.. but again, resolutions are easier said than done.. hehe.. anyway, i'm back.. and once again, i'll be sharing my thoughts and experiences during my 3-week 'break'.. don't be misled, i did have a break, but on online stuffs only.. the truth is, i've been so busy doing a lot of things - academics, part-time job, service, and a whole lot more.. the introduction's been long enough.. here goes my blog entry.. ^_^

let me first share with you some of the best text messages i've received since the year started.

*In the Lord's Prayer, the word 'love' did not appear; 'forgive' was used. Perhaps it's because forgiving is the highest expression of loving.
-> this is something to ponder on. when i read this message, i was deeply moved and i asked myself, 'am i really loving?' i think i haven't truly forgiven and forgotten yet.. but i know in time, i will.

*Coffee has evolved in years - with cream, iced coffee, coffee with choco chips or cookies. But no matter how people try to innovate coffee varieties, it still doesn't lose its distinct aroma. Just like us, no matter how we clothe ourselves with different personalities, still, our character remains. People may destroy your image, stain your personality, but they can't take away your character. Live. Exist. Let your character diffuse its distinct aroma, because no matter what, YOU ARE ADMIRED BY PEOPLE WHO REALLY KNOW YOU.
-> enough said. and i agree. ^_^

*You'll never find anybody that achieves great success in life without a give-up story. Nothing comes free. And there will come a time when you will find that you too will have to give up something GOOD if you want something BETTER.
-> i've found that out already. and i've given up a lot of things already. did i get anything better? yes.

*Do not ask the Lord to guide your steps if you are not willing to move your feet. -> some really wise words.

*"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy'. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is above all, to matter: To count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all." -Leo Calvin Rosten in Passions and Prejudices
-> good thing i'm living for the true purpose of life. my fulfillment comes from knowing that i've done something great, that i've made a difference, and that i've touched lives.

*There will come a point in your life when you'll get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. It's not giving up, it's just a realization that you don't need certain people and all their freaking dramas.
-> i've come to that point already. and only then did i realize that i do get tired.. marunong din pala akong magsawa.. hindi pala ako martyr gaya ng iniisip nila at iniisip ko rin dati..

*Live life so completely that when death comes to you like a thief in the night, there will be nothing left for him to steal.
-> ^_^

*Every person has been given a unique self, and the purpose of life is to share the very best of that with the world.
-> true.

*Being alone sometimes gives you space to grow. Sometimes, it's hard to grow when you're too close to someone. Remember that trees are planted far from each other so they can spread their branches and be matured.
-> oo nga naman. i agree.

and the best of them all..

*Love isn't just about the words, but the meaning behind them.
It's not just "you can trust me" but "i'll never make you doubt"
not just "don't do this" but "let me do it for you"
not just "take care" but "let me hold your hand"
not just "don't go there" but "let me go with you"
not just "i'm sorry" but "i'll never hurt you again"
not just "i'm here" but "i'll never leave you"
not just "don't get wet in the rain" but "let me hold your umbrella"
not just "don't worry" but "i'll never give you reason to"
not just "i love you" but "life has no meaning without you."
-> from now on, eto na ang basis ko ng love, aside from what is written in 1Corinthians 13. the next time will be the last time. and i'll make sure that i'll get it right then. no room for mistakes and heartbreaks. i've had enough.

ang dami ko na atang nasabi.. puro text messages pa lang yun.. should i go on? hmm.. masyado na kasing personal yung ibang thoughts ko.. mga bagay na mas mabuting ako na lang ang nakakaalam..

ok, share ko na lang yung lecture namin sa leadership class last Saturday. the president of Nestle Philippines gave a short but really powerful and influential talk. just like Sir Jim (P&G Philippines President), Nandu (Nestle Philippines president) focused on the fundamentals of leadership: attitudes.

based on the leadership model that he presented, three things make up a leader: behavior, skills, and attitudes.

and the two best advices he gave were:
1. know yourself (what you want, your strengths, skills, principles, etc)
2. be yourself (in any given situation)

my goal before the month ends: to reexamine myself, spend time alone, and really think things over.. i need to do a lot of self-examination, meditation, reflection, and quiet time with the Lord.. i need to think about my priorities, my principles, and everything else.. no, i'm not lost.. medyo lang siguro pero clear pa rin naman kung anong gusto kong mangyari sa life ko at sa mga buhay ng mga tao sa paligid ko.. gusto ko lang masiguro na i have the right reasons in everything that i do and in everything that i decide on.

until my next post, God bless everyone! ^_^

some thoughts..

"why do most people seem to fall for their friend at one point or another?
its because we see a great person.. someone who knows us inside and out, someone who's been there when we were down, someone who knows what makes us laugh and what makes us cry, someone who cares. we see the perfect someone in our friend, but what we don't see is that as soon as we take that next step, they will turn into someone we never knew at all.. pathetic truth.."

is it? i don't think so.. i believe this is what happens: we create an image of our ideal man/woman and we expect our special someone to be exactly what we want. tapos pag hindi nya na-meet yung expectations natin, we get disappointed.. tapos iiwan natin siya without realizing na hindi naman niya kasalanan na hindi siya gaya ng iniisip natin.. diba?

hay.. enough na.. tapos na ako sa mga ganyang usapan.. hehe..

nanood nga pala kame nina mama ng 'The Punisher' and here are some of the best lines from the movie..

"Ignorance is no excuse." - Mr. Saint

"Vaya con Dios. [Go with God]" - Candelaria

"Upset? Is that the word? I used to get upset when I had a flat tire. I used to get upset when a plane was delayed. I used to get upset when the Yankees won the series. So if that's what 'upset' means, then how do I feel now? If you know the word, tell me.. because I don't." - Frank Castle/The Punisher

"Don't let your memories kill you." - Joanne

"I know what it's like to try and make your memories go away. You can make new memories, good ones. Good memories can save your life." - Joanne

"I leave this as a declaration of intent so no one will be confused. Number One: Sic vis pacem para bellum. If you want peace, prepare for war. Number Two: Frank Castle is dead. He died with his family. Number Three: In certain extreme situations, the law is inadequate. In order to shame its inadequacy, it is necessary to act outside the law, to pursue natural justice. This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No, not vengeance.. punishment!" - Frank Castle/The Punisher

"Those who do evil to others - the killers, the rapists, psychos, sadists, you will come to know me well. Frank Castle is dead. Call me.. The Punisher!" - The Punisher

no time? well, i have.. =)

i attended a recollection this evening and i was enlightened, comforted, and liberated.. the speaker was father mario, one of my favorite priests..

when i saw him stepped in, i wasn't able to contain my excitement that i had to text peter about it.. and his reply was 'ok. happy for you.'

oh yes, i AM happy, although i was alone there [walang pumunta sa mga niyaya ko, therefore wala akong ibang kausap dun.. mga tanders pa karamihan ng attendees.. oh well, i've done my part already.. it's not my loss, anyway..]

and because i've been SO BLESSED, i can't help but share it with you guys.. hindi kaya sa txt lang eh.. kaya i decided to post it here.. please bear with me, medyo mahaba na naman ito.. as usual.. pero sana kahit pa'no may mapulot naman kayo..

i'll try to give justice to father mario's talk.. i hope that at the end of this post, may makuha naman kayo, kahit konti.. may you be blessed in the same way that i've been blessed..

of course iba pa rin yung first-hand experience, but i'll try my best na maiparamdam sa inyo yung naramdaman ko. ^^

ok, enough of the long intro.. let's get started..

let me begin with this poem.. [as father mario did]

***NO TIME***

I knelt to pray but not too long
I had too much to do
Must hurry off and get to work
For the bills would soon be due

And so I said a hurried prayer
Jumped up from off my knees
My Christian duty now is done
My soul could be at ease

And through the day
I had no time to speak a word of cheer
No time to speak of Chist to friends
They'd laugh at me I feared

No time, no time - too much to do
That was my constant cry
No time to give to those in need
Till at last it was time to die

And when before the Lord I came
I stood with downcast eyes
Within His hand he held a book
It was the Book of Life
He looked into the Book of Life and said,
"Your name, I cannot find
I once was going to wtite it down
But never found the time."

***END***

i believe there's no need for me to explain what the poem was all about. it's simple, straightforward, and easy to understand. just a quick note from father mario: we, people, often consider prayer as a spare tire which we use in replace of a flat tire or in other words, "in case of emergency." what we do not realize is that prayer should be the steering wheel that will guide and direct us in our journey.

Christianity is a relationship.. and therefore, it must be nourished.. how? through a regular prayer time and service.. let's think of God as our partner.. how do we show Him our love? one way is to spend time with Him.. and that is through prayer and meditation/reflection.. prayer is our time to speak to God, meditation/reflection is God's time to speak to us..

two-way dapat ang communication, just like in any other relationship.. you have the right to speak, but you also have the responsibility to listen.. yan ang karaniwang nagiging problema sa isang relasyon.. gusto ng isa siya lang ang magsasalita.. unfair naman yun.. dapat matuto ka ring makinig.. hindi lang ikaw ang may bibig.. at isa pa, di ba nga we have one mouth and two ears? do the logic. =)

after we realize that Christianity is a relationship, the next thing to prepare for is death.. the life eternal.. parang ang bilis ba? hindi naman.. read on para maintindihan nyo.. ^_^

think of this: "unless you have accepted the fact that one day you will die, you will not truly live"

i'm sure most of you are familiar with this: "our citizenship is in heaven" - its written in the Bible and in Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life..

so what about it? ano naman kung mamamatay tayo? umm.. wala naman.. it's this simple.. "the essence of living is in dying.."

all throughout our lives, we are continuously blessed.. the very fact that we exist is already a blessing.. and this is reality: "after you have been blessed, God expects you to be a blessing to others." i remembered a text message i once received.. it was about a man complaining to God of the miseries of the world.. and he even questioned God's power ("if you are indeed God, how come you are not doing anything?").. this was God's reply: "I did something. I sent you. Be a blessing."

as what father mario has said: "what others have become because of you is more important than what you have become."

God knows when to send people where the need is urgent.. kaya when you find yourself in a situation you don't expect or you're not ready to face, be steadfast.. God placed you there for a reason.. you must therefore use that as an opportunity to be a blessing.. Act. Do something.

hindi mahalaga kung gaano katagal ka nabuhay sa mundo, ang mas mahalaga, kung paano ka nabuhay..

tanong ni father: "nasaan ang kaligayahan mo?"

sabi ni Richard Wagner, "Joy is not in things, it is in us."

and yes, i agree to that.. happiness comes from within.. and for me, it comes from loving..

hay.. love na naman.. don't worry people, i'm not talking about romantic love here.. what i mean is Christian love.. ^_^

another thought: "you can be a giver without being a lover, but you cannot be a lover without being a giver." and based on that, i can proudly say that i am a lover, not just a giver.. [may kokontra ba? sapak gusto niyo? hehe.. nanakot talaga ako di ba? hindi naman.. nagbabanta lang.. LOL..]

the following statements are self-explanatory.. hindi na rin pinaliwanag sa amin ni father mario.. pero i swear, may malalim na wisdom yung bawat statement.. kayo na bahala magdiscover.. =)

here they go..

*we can get so involved with WHAT we are doing that we forget WHY we are doing it.
we can get so involved with plain existing that we forget the purpose of living.
we can get so involved with the things that money can buy that we forget the things that money cannot buy.. [and what are the things that money cannot buy? house but not a home, books but not knowledge, medicine but not health, pleasure but not happiness..think about that..]

*one of the greatest tragedies that can befall a man is to feel so at home in this world that he forgets that his real and permanent home is in the next.

*strange how we can be preoccupied with a life we can't hold on to and neglect an eternity we can't run away from.

*contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want but the realization of what you already have. count your blessings..count them slow.

*if there is anything better than sharing with others the best of what you have, it is sharing with them the best of who you are.
>>just be yourself. you don't have to be a superhero to make a difference. just do something.

*when you share your life with others, life begins to find its meaning. the time you share your life with others is the moment you truly live.

[this following truth is almost always taken for granted. but this is important.. something to really think about..]
*GOD WILL CONDEMN US NOT ONLY FOR THE EVIL WE HAVE DONE, BUT MORE SO FOR THE GOOD WE DID NOT DO.*

Mother Teresa of Calcutta once said: "we ourselves sometimes feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. but if we do not do what we are doing, the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." [simple but sensible]

as a conclusion, eto lang yung major point ng buong recollection.. live life to the fullest.. live for God's glory.. bless and touch the lives of others.. be a living testimony of God's love and goodness.. leave a legacy.. live life in such a way that when you die, people will be able to say this: "God permitted us to meet. I don't know why. But this I will tell you, you are one of the reasons why i continue to believe God is a good God."

my sharing ends here folks.. i hope you all gained something from this post.. just as i did..

i was blessed.. and i'm sharing that blessing to you.. if you too were blessed, go and bless others as well.. ^_^

i'm mean because you're stupid.. [farewell to my dark side]

..that's the statement boldly printed on a shirt i saw yesterday at american boulevard..

and the only word that i was able to utter upon seeing it was "nice"..

so what's with it? why did i choose it to be the title of this long post? for one, i believe that the statement makes sense.. at isa pa, nakaka-relate ako.. somehow..

as i look back sa lahat ng nangyayari sa life ko lately, i have but one realization: this is not me! this is not the life that i want..

everything is a mess.. nothing seems right, in fact, nothing IS right.

in as much as i want to put the blame on other people, i can't help but be guilty of everything.. this is my life.. and it is my decision to live it this way.. and i definitely made a very wrong decision..

i thought i was doing the right thing.. i thought it was the best, most healthy move for me.. pero hindi pala.. habang tumatagal ako sa pagiging ganito, nagiging malinaw din sa akin ang lahat.. sinisira ko lang ang sarili ko.. pinapatay ko kung sino talaga ako..

siguro nga yun din naman kasi ang gusto ko, patayin yung dating ako.. kalimutan lahat.. magsimula uli.. but then again, everything is easier said than done..

all this time, loser pa rin pala ako..

i'm killing myself sa sobrang pagka-busy ko sa iba't ibang bagay.. school, work, service, etc..
i barely have enough time to sleep or rest or even eat.. i'm always on the go..

bilib nga ako sa sarili ko kasi kahit na lagi akong nagpapaulan, hindi ako nagkakasakit.. kahit na maubos ko ang isang tumbler na red horse, hindi man lang ako nahihilo.. wala lang.. numb lang ako plus some rashes sa likod.. pero other than those, sobrang ok ako.. kaya ko pang gumala sa mall, mag-movie marathon, magpuyat, etc.. i had minor ulcer attacks pero nadadaan naman sa gamot.. i lost weight but i'm still healthy.. galing di ba? akala ko maganda yun.. akala ko that made me better than anyone else.. pero isang malaking sampal sken yung sinabi niya.. "bahala ka nga sa buhay mo, pakamatay ka kung gusto mo.. uminom ka na naman? nakaka-TO ha?!"

ouch. that really hurts like hell..

and then i began to question: do i really wanna die? ano nga bang ginagawa ko sa buhay ko?
gusto ko ba 'to?

and the answers came..

no. hindi ito ang gusto mo.. hindi rin ikaw yan.. ginagawa mo lang lahat yan para tumakas.. para makalimot.. pero hindi mo gusto yan.. pinili mong gawin ang mga bagay na yan para ipakita sa kanila na hindi na ikaw yung mahina at iyaking unaiza.. ginagawa mo yan para patunayan na kaya mo ring sumabay sa agos.. nasaktan ka kasi nang sobra kaya gusto mong ipakita na hindi ka papatalo.. marunong ka rin lumaban.. hindi ka loser.. pwede ka ring maging bad.. gaya ng karamihan..

damn.

bakit nga ba ito ang pinili ko? this is not right.

i miss my old self.. i miss being gentle, being modest, being kind..

ni hindi ko man lang masabi ang salitang 'i love you' ngayon.. kahit sa pamilya ko.. hindi na ako masaya sa buhay na meron ako ngayon.. i wish i could go back to the time when the only people that mattered to me are my parents, my brother, my closest friends, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and my Lolos and Lolas.. pero syempre hindi na posible yun..

so anong gagawin ko ngayon?

i want a total make-over in my life..

aayusin ko lahat ng dapat ayusin.. tama na ang kahibangang ito.. i've been bad and i didn't like it.. dahil hindi naman talaga ako masama..

hindi ko kelangang sumabay sa agos.. hindi naman ako ganun dati e.. at ayoko ng sumabay pa sa agos.. ayos lang maiwan basta alam kong tama ako..

sabi nga ni sir jim, this is the hardest principle, but this must be our principle: DO THE RIGHT THING.

naging rebelde ako sa sarili ko sa loob ng mahigit isang buwan.. eto ang naging escape ko.. pero tapos na yung stage na yun..

this time, i'm determined to be what God intends me to be..

parang paulit-ulit na yung posts ko.. parang nasabi ko na rin 'to dati..

pero iba na ngayon, because this is going to be the last time that i'll write about my miseries..

last saturday, we were asked to write down 3-7 principles that we want to live by.. and i've listed five..

1. Do the right thing.
2. God first.
3. Less for self, more for others.
4. Never let emotions get in the way.
5. Play to win.

mark this day. from this day on, i'm gonna live by those principles.

alam kong hindi ko na maibabalik yung dating ako.. pero kaya kong ayusin ang buhay ko.. and that's exactly what i'm going to do..

i'll put my heart back together.. i'm gonna pick the pieces of my life.. back to zero ako, start from scratch.. pero hindi naman imposibleng buuin uli ang sarili ko e.. kaya ko 'to.. go aiza! go and touch others' hearts..

this is my song.. and my prayer..

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire, my heart's one desire is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I want to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within and make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin deep within

everything happens for a reason..

i know i said that i'm not going to blog anymore.. well, let's just say that i was lying then.. writing has been my first love and i guess, truly, first love never dies..

i've been quiet for some time.. and despite the fact that a lot has been happening to me lately, i just couldn't find the motivation to write about them.. i didn't even manage to update my journal.. but today is different.. and today, God reminded me of one thing: the only thing i'm good at is writing and i have to make use of that talent to glorify Him and proclaim how mighty He is..

and today i'm gonna write again.. for today is the start of another chapter in the story of my life..

i woke up at 9 o'clock this morning. i have a class at 11:30 and i should be able to leave the house before 10:30. after saying my prayers and doing my morning rituals, i ate breakfast and took a bath.. i spent around 30 minutes at the table and another 30 minutes [more than, actually] at the shower.. in other words, i wasn't able to leave at the ideal time.. so i had to pay for all the passengers of the tricycle for us to be able to leave.. its already 11:00 and i couldn't wait for another 5 minutes or so.. the most exhausting part in a student's day is the travel time.. in my case, i had to take 1 tricycle ride, and 3 jeepney rides from our house to diliman.. at dahil late na ako, sumakay na lang ako ng toki para mas mabilis akong makarating sa building namin..

i arrived 11:45.. just in time [we have a 15-minute grace period].. and guess what, we don't have classes today.. and we won't have classes until Friday of next week.. Sir Mario won't be available during those days and our next meeting would be on the 4th of December.. great!

but instead of being happy, i ended up disappointed.. i wasted money and effort for nothing.. it was my only class.. what am i going to do? go home? already? had i known of the announcement at an earlier time, i would have stayed at home and concentrated on our thesis..

yeah, patience is a virtue.. and i guess, my patience is being put to test.. again.. we'll have our baptism on Saturday and yes, Satan is just around, tempting me to sin, wanting me to be unholy.. but i won't let him win.. not now.. not ever..

i decided to attend the mass at the UP chapel.. and yes, i felt a lot better.. i felt blessed..

on my way home, there have been temptations again.. testing my patience and endurance again.. believe me, i was already fed up.. konti na lang talaga sasabog na ako.. i was talking to God the whole time, 'please Lord, give me patience.. please..'

and then everything made sense..

i met ate janet [i hope i spelled her name correctly].. she was on the same jeep i was riding.. and we got off at the same place.. sa floodway..

she asked me kung saan ang sakayan ng cubao.. and obviously, mali ang binabaan niya.. nung una sabi ko lang sakay na lang siya uli ng jeep tapos baba siya sa rosario, but God whispered a better idea.. i suggested na sumabay na siya sa akin sa tricycle tapos sasamahan ko na lang siya sa sakayan ng cubao.. she took my offer and i was amazed to know that she is also a believer.. nakakatuwa kasi habang nasa tricycle kame, we were talking about God and what He has done in our lives.. super saglit lang kame nakapag-usap pero nagkaroon ng sense ang buong araw ko.. sa totoo lang, muntik na akong maiyak kanina habang nagkukwento ako sa kanya.. i've been so down lately and kahit na anong pretend ko na ok lang ako, at the end of the day, i still find myself crying.. just last night i cried out to God.. and i told Him how helpless and how depressed i am.. i have so many questions na hanggang ngayon hindi pa nasasagot.. and everyday, kay God lang ako kumukuha ng strength para magpatuloy.. and today, He gave me someone to talk to.. just when i need it most..

ate janet told me that i was her angel and that God will make a way para magkita kame uli..

she hugged me bago siya sumakay ng jeep and although she's technically a stranger, i felt comfort in her arms.. and i believe that my encounter with her was not just an accident.. it was planned by God.. and God has a reason..

habang naglalakad ako pauwi, i can't help but be grateful and for the first time today, i smiled sincerely.. yung ngiting galing talaga sa puso.. it wasn't just a fake smile to hide the pains inside me, i truly felt happiness.. eto siguro yung reward ko for being patient.. buti na lang hindi ako bumigay, hindi ako nagalit.. i remained silent and prayerful.. i didn't let Satan get in the way.. salamat na rin sa guidance ng Holy Spirit..

ate janet has been an angel to me also.. and the friendship that we already have is something i would treasure for the rest of my life.. i know i'll see her again.. in God's time..

why am i telling you about this? ano naman sa inyo kung nakilala ko si ate janet? well, gusto ko lang i-share yung realization ko about this event..

God moves in mysterious ways.. and He is always good.. He knows what's best for us.. and He has plans far better than what we have.. life has so many uncertainties.. marami tayong questions.. marami tayong hindi naiintindihan.. at minsan, masyadong nagiging komplikado ang lahat ng bagay kaya gugustuhin na lang nating sumuko..

sa ngayon, nasa gitna ako ng isang laban.. torn pa rin ako.. broken.. konti na lang kasi susuko na ako.. pero pinipilit ko pa ring lumaban.. everyday, challenge sa akin ang bumangon at magpatuloy.. pero ngayon, higit kailanman, napatunayan kong hindi pa rin natutulog ang Diyos.. at lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay natin, lahat ng nakikilala natin, they are there for a reason.. a reason that only God knows..

last Saturday, na-enlighten na ako sa lecture ni Sir Jim, at ngayon, dahil kay ate janet, mas determinado akong magpatuloy.. yes, i'm gonna play to win..

iiyak pa rin siguro ako kasi nandito pa rin yung sakit, masyadong malalim yung sugat para gumaling ng ganun kabilis lang.. but i know in time, in God's time, i will be healed.. i will be truly okay, and i will be better..

hello world uli! balik blogging na naman ako.. hindi siguro ganun kadalas pero magsusulat pa rin ako.. =)

God bless everyone!

Last note: PUSH! [Pray Until Something Happens]

there's nothing good about goodbye

today's the last day of my internship here in chikka and i'm partly sad, partly happy..

chikka had been my second home for the months of april and may.. more than a month din akong nagstay dito, and i swear, i really enjoyed my stay..

i was thinking of having an extension but my body doesn't want to.. sobrang ngarag na rin kasi ako e..

i need to rest for at least a week before the start of classes.. magiging madugo na rin kasi yung sem na 'to for me.. yeah, time for thesis at very crucial tlaga yun so i should be well-prepared..

umm, marami akong iniisip.. marami rin ata akong nararamdaman.. di ko alam..

i wanted to take things one at a time pero bakit parang sabay-sabay ata ang mga pangyayari.. cge, i'll try my best to organize my thoughts.. let's start from last night..

yesterday, nagpost ako ng isang 'happy post'.. because i was really happy then.. ok naman ako hanggang pagdating ko sa bahay e.. ka-txt si kuya ian, kuya don, ruthie.. ok lahat..

pero..

we had our regular music min practice..

hmmm... ayokong dumaldal.. basta..

alam na ni kuya pip yun..

err.. hindi ko na alam kung anong kasunod..

nonsense post..

later na nga lang uli.. pag naisip ko na kung anong sasabihin ko..