i almost died last sunday.. lessons on appreciating God's countless blessings..

10:15 PM 4/30/2007

i can't carry on anymore.. i'll continue with this blog entry tomorrow morning..

just a quick overview: this post will contain my experiences during our Lord's Day and Fellowship in Batangas, my recent realizations, and text messages which have touched my heart in one way or another..

'til tomorrow..

1:45 PM 5/1/2007

i woke up at 10am today to watch detective conan.. i really love that show.. i'm learning a lot.. and here's one of the things he (conan/sinichi) said na talaga namang tumatak sa isip ko:
"walang tama o maling deduksyon, dahil isa lang ang katotohanan.."

anyway, eto na yung continuation ng story ko.. by the way, just a warning, this is going to be a long post.. marami kasi akong sasabihin.. let me start with what happened last saturday..

may nagawa na akong post last sunday kaso lang i wasn't able to finish it kasi sobrang sleepy na talaga ako.. plus the fact that i have to be up by 6:00am the following day for my internship..

after the long introduction, eto na talaga.. =)

on saturday morning, i went to manila to have lunch with him.. ayoko ng magbigay ng details about it.. amin na lang yun.. but i was happy to see him again.. i missed him a lot kahit na almost every night ko siyang kausap.. i left at around 3pm to prepare for our Lord's Day and Fellowship/Outing sa Batangas.. super excited ako pumunta sa beach.. sabi nga ni binoy, romantic daw yung setting.. well, it's not really that.. what i'm looking forward to is the serene ambiance that only nature could provide.. and for some reason, i have always believed that the sea could heal a broken soul.. and yes, i think i am broken..

when i got home, i packed my things up, took a quick shower, and hurried to rosario to help in the preparation for the Lord's Day ceremony..

hindi ko na sasabihin pa yung details kasi may mga hindi magandang nangyari.. may mga sinumpong, kaya medyo nagkaroon ng tensiyon..

anyway, naging masaya naman yung gabi namin lalo na nung praisefest.. lahat kasi ng kinanta, gusto ko.. especially yung 'heaven is here..'

after the Lord's Day, nag-prepare na kami para sa pagpunta sa Batangas.. while waiting for the other members, pumunta muna kami sa 711 para bumili ng iba pang kelangan.. at syempre i had to call my family at siya na rin..

nakakatuwa kasi dun sa 711, nagpa-picture pa kami.. batch namin at si kuya rap.. nung magbabayad na ako, sabi nung guy dun sa counter, "siguro ma'am ikaw yung pinakamaganda dun.." haha! natawa talaga ako.. kamusta naman? napansin pa niya ako.. ayun.. so bumalik na kami sa jeep.. at naghintay..
napag-usapan na namin ng isang brother na tabi kami kasi may dala akong pillow, kaso lang pinaghiwalay yung babae at lalaki para raw magkaroon ng bonding yung sisters at brothers.. so ganun na nga..

dumating kami sa lemery around 3am.. konting pahinga lang sa bahay nina bea tapos tumuloy na sa beach..

i wasn't feeling well at that time kasi sobrang inaantok pa ako.. kaso lang excited ang lahat na abangan ang pagsikat ng araw..

around 5am, may dumating na banca.. at nag-alok si manong ng boating hanggang sa coral reefs.. at syempre, sumama ako..

i was with ate ive, ate glenda, karen, jhoy, and tin.. nakakatuwa kasi sobrang layo ng narating namin.. at sobrang na-enjoy namin yung view.. personally, i was satisfied with that trip..

when we reached the farthest point that we could get to, we shouted at the top of our lungs.. wala lang.. para lang ma-release lahat ng dala-dala naming excess baggage..

i wanted to cry there but no, nature is so beautiful to enjoy.. walang lugar ang pag-iyak.. at that time and place, i felt nothing but gratitude for such a wonderful world.. ang sarap ng feeling.. it's a different kind of freedom.. and i've proven that indeed, the sea could heal my broken soul..

tama si binoy, sobrang romantic ng setting.. kaso lang i was with the sisters.. i wish i was with him.. with tweet2, with my family.. and isa yun sa goals ko.. someday, makakasama ko rin ang mga taong pinakamamahal ko sa gitna ng dagat.. but it doesn't mean na hindi ko na-enjoy yung moment na yun..
no, i was very happy at that time.. at mas na-appreciate ko yung sisters habang kasama ko sila..

and what's even more amazing is the fact that we're able to witness the sunrise.. and it feels so good to travel along the path of the light of the sun.. sakto talaga.. i swear, sobrang perfect ng moment na yun.. sayang nga lang wala kaming dalang camera.. but that moment will be forever in my heart.. i don't know how to explain what i felt upon seeing the sun shining and smiling on me.. basta ang alam ko lang, we believed and we claimed that something wonderful is going to happen.. for us, it was a miracle.. at thankful kami kasi alam naming hindi magtatagal, makakamit na rin namin yung mga matagal na naming pinapangarap at pinagdarasal..

after the boating, naglakad naman kami sa shore.. at dun na kami nag-bond nang husto ni ate glenda..

pagbalik namin, inenjoy naman namin ang dagat.. kaso lang may hindi magandang nangyari.. as the title of this post says, i almost died.. exagg nga siguro pero yun kasi yung naramdaman ko e.. seconds lang yun but it seemed forever to me.. that situation reminded me of the people i love the most.. i only thought of 4 people.. kung sino sila, hindi na mahalaga.. basta alam kong sila ang dahilan kung bakit ayoko pang lisanin ang mundong ito..

salamat kay kuya mer at ate yet na tumulong sken.. wala na akong ibang nagawa kundi ang umiyak.. sobrang natakot talaga ako.. i was traumatized.. feeling ko its already my end.. hindi ko na nga alam kung sino2 yung lumapit at yumakap sken pero salamat sa kanila.. their hugs meant a lot.. i wanted to call my parents.. i wanted to call him.. i just needed a hug.. that's all..

sakto namang oras na ng breakfast and everyone was busy preparing the food, except for those who tried to comfort me.. i tried to be okay.. kaso lang i'm still not over the situation.. ang sakit sa dibdib.. ang tindi talaga ng nerbiyos ko.. i did nothing but cry to release the tension and the trauma that i feel..
pero hindi pa rin talaga.. nilapitan na ako ni sidh para patahanin.. i won't forget how he tried to comfort me by treating me like a baby.. sabi niya kain na raw muna kami.. mamaya raw swimming uli kami.. i was like, "awww.. that was so sweet.." i wanted to hug him but i don't have the strength to stand and face them.. tapos tinanong ako ni ate glenda kung gusto ko raw bang maglakad.. i said yes because i thought that's the best thing i could do.. lumayo muna.. nakahanap kami ng perfect spot para umupo at mag-relax.. na-appreciate ko talaga yung ginawa ni ate glenda.. she just let me cry my heart out.. release the tension.. and regain my composure.. she just listened.. she cared..

nasabi ko na sa kanya halos lahat ng pwede kong ikwento.. tungkol sa taong patuloy kong minamahal.. sa pamilya ko.. at nakinig lang siya..

honestly, that near-death experience has taught me to appreciate my brothers and sisters more.. especially those who really cared.. si kuya mer, si ate yet, si sidh, at si ate glenda.. pati na rin yung lumapit para i-hug ako.. isa na ata dun si bea..

i really didn't expect those people to show such concern.. lalo na si sidh.. he's a nice guy pero may mga times na suplado siya sken.. but i was surprised with what he did and i appreciate that.. there are only two guys who have treated me that way.. leonard and sidh..

hindi ko matandaan kung na-mention ko na yun before.. pero just so you know, i lost my USB last march.. at sa sobrang sama ng loob ko kasi sobrang importante nun sken, nag-text ako kay leonard para sabihing tumawag siya.. upon hearing his voice, i immediately cried.. crying shoulder ko kasi talaga siya ever since i came to know him.. and what he said really melted my heart.. sabi niya "wag ka ng umiyak.. 'yaan mo, bibili tayo ng bagong USB.." what i felt then was the same feeling that i had last sunday upon hearing almost the same words from sidh.. different situations but same manner of trying to comfort me..

lalo pa akong na-overwhelm kasi nung bumalik kami ni ate glenda, tumawag si papa at nangangamusta.. naiyak na naman ako uli pero hindi ko na sinabi sa kanya yung nangyari para di na siya mag-alala pa..

bumalik pa rin naman ako sa tubig pero sandali na lang at kasama ko na sina kuya mike at kuya toto na tinatawag akong 'bunso..'

bago kami umuwi, dumaan muna kami sa taal church.. and again, umiyak na naman ako..

on our way home, si kuya mike, kuya ron, jan, at yun bag ni sidh ang naging tulugan ko..

pagdating ko sa bahay, hindi ko naitago kay mama yung nangyari kasi naramdaman din niya.. nagising daw siya nung oras na yun kasi nananaginip siya and when she woke up, she was already crying.. she can't remember her dream pero nagising lang siya kasi napagod na siya kakaiyak.. when she heard the story, syempre nagalit siya.. hindi raw dapat nangyari yun.. mahirap daw talaga yung sobrang tiwala.. i begged her not to tell papa about it.. kasi baka sabihin niyang umalis na ako sa community, which i never want to do.. alam ko namang hindi intentional yun e.. it was just an accident..

after kumain, at gumawa ng progress report for my internship blog, natulog na ako.. hindi ko na talaga kayang pumunta pa kina ronald para batiin siya ng 'happy birthday' at mag-sorry sa hindi ko pag-attend ng party niya nung saturday.. i texted him and told him that i can't blame him kung nagtatampo siya sken pero sana maintindihan niya..

the next morning, which was yesterday, i forced myself to wake up and prepare for my ojt.. tinanong ako ni mama kung ok na ba ako.. syempre medyo hindi pa.. parang ang bigat pa ng katawan ko.. dala na rin ng nerbiyos, puyat, at pagod sa biyahe.. but i have to be in the office.. kaya pinilit ko pa rin.. naisip ko wala namang pasok ngayon kaya pwede akong bumawi..

last night, he called.. pero before that, tumawag na rin si ronald.. and i'm glad na ok na kami.. bestfriend ko siya since elementary kaya naman masaya akong hindi na siya galit.. sobrang love ko rin yun and i never want to fail him.. it's just that nauna na akong nag-commit sa SFC.. pero yun, thank God nagkaayos na kami..

so, yun nga, tumawag din si leonard.. at syempre, hindi ko rin nadeny sa kanya yung nangyari.. as expected, hindi niya nagustuhan.. e medyo war freak talaga yun e.. parang si papa rin.. sabi niya, iwan ko na raw ang SFC.. lagi na lang daw akong umiiyak.. (alam din niya yung nangyari nung birthday ni kuya tj).. pero sabi ko nga, tapos na yun.. naiyak ko na.. nag-sorry na yung tao.. ok na ako.. hindi pa rin siya convinced and he's insisting a revenge.. tipong "hindi pwedeng ganun na lang yun.. pa'no kung hindi ka na-save, maibabalik ba ng sorry nya yung buhay mo if ever something worse happened? anong gusto mo, magpasalamat sa kanya for risking your life?" alam ko namang ganun na talaga magiging reaction niya.. protective din kasi yun eh.. pero syempre, ako pa rin naman ang magdedecide kung anong gusto kong gawin.. and i have decided to forgive and forget.. sabi niya sken, akala pa naman daw niya magagandang bagay ang ikukwento ko.. sobrang excited ko pa raw tapos iiyak lang pala ako.. nag-sorry ako sa kanya for not being able to buy balisong.. nakatulog kasi ako sa biyahe.. sa tagaytay na ako nagising.. natuwa lang ako sa sinabi niya na muntik na nga raw akong hindi nakabalik, pasalubong pa rin ang iniisip ko.. hehe.. syempre naman, takot ako sa kanya e.. at gaya ng inaasahan ko, pinagsabihan niya rin ako.. na may mali rin daw ako.. dapat daw hindi ako masyadong nagtitiwala.. yun din ang sinabi ni mama.. at malamang, yun din ang sasabihin ni papa.. sabi pa niya mas okay raw sana kung bloopers na lang yung nakwento ko.. mga tipong pwedeng ipalabas sa bitoy's funniest videos.. kaso lang walang ganun e..

ang dami ko na palang nasabi.. pero basta ang importante, na-appreciate ko yung nature, na-appreciate ko yung mga taong nagmamahal, at na-realize kong i have to be strong and i have to survive para sa mga taong mahal ko.. pamilya ko, si leonard, mga kaibigan, at mga tunay na nagmamahal at nagpapahalaga sken..

and of course, i appreciate life now more than ever.. sabi nga ni leonard, baka nga raw yun na yung miracle ko.. sort of 2nd life na rin.. hindi nga siguro ganun kadelikado yung nangyari pero kasi ganun yung naramdaman ko e.. sobrang big deal siya for me.. and i realized, i could die anytime.. and i have to be always prepared for it.. kaya while i'm still blessed to be alive, dapat wala akong sayanging panahon at pagkakataon.. dapat lagi kong ipaalam sa mga taong mahalaga sken na mahal ko sila.. at dapat din, ipakita ko yung appreciation ko sa mga taong nakakagawa ng kabutihan sken..

one last, happy ako sa mga natatanggap kong comments from people i don't know.. lalo na sa mga taong nag-rereact sa blog ko sa facebox (netlog na ngayon).. to soul_hunter, and to the pakistani guy, thank you so much! =)

i'm afraid i have to end this post here.. i still have some other things to do for chikka..

wala lang, bago ko tapusin 'to, gusto ko lang sabihin na ka-txt ko si kuya delmer ngayon.. at sabi niya, na-miss daw niya yung bonding nung sunday.. sana raw hindi na natapos ang araw na yun.. well, ako rin.. despite the not-so-good things that happened, sobrang special pa rin ng araw na yun.. at happy rin ako to be able to bond with them.. sa uulitin..

i'd like to end this post with a beautiful message from bernard.. thanks dude!

~*never regret a day in your life.. good days give you happiness, bad days teach you experience.. both are essential to life.. all are God's blessings..*~

good day and God bless everyone! *hug* =)

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the following are my journal entries which i wasn't able to post in my blogs.. read on if you still have time.. the text messages are beautiful.. =)

8:03 PM 4/29/07 *this is the post i was talking about..*

before anything else, i would like share the following quotes i recently received from my good friends..
i don't have that much space in my inbox that's why i have to erase text messages regularly.. and today is my schedule of deletion.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES:
oftentimes, we need to pray not because we need to change the situation, but primarily because we need God to change our attitude towards the situation.

every moment we waste with anger and worries are moments of happiness we steal from ourselves. there's never been a day or night that God didn't remember you, not a moment that He didn't watch over you, never a time He didn't protect you, because God loves you.

it's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life.

it's hard to wait around for something that you know will never happen, but it's harder to stop when you know it's everything you've always wanted.

the starting point of maturity is the realization that "no one is coming to the rescue." everything you are or ever will be is entirely up to you.

it's not one great deed that defines who you are. it's the little good things you do to others day by day that counts. carry on! others may not notice but God does.

LOVE QUOTES:
there are things you can't see but you choose to believe..reasons you have but you can't explain.. mistakes you can't bring yourself and a love so questionable but you still choose to fight for.

if your heart gets broken, don't be bitter.. don't turn your back on love.. just keep on trying.. because there is no better remedy for love but to love again.

LOVE..
it means trusting yourself with someone who has seen you at your worst and loves you anyway..
it means teasing each other and laughing at inside jokes nobody but only the two of you understand..
it means feeling safe enough to talk about anything and having the patience to work out disagreements..
it means counting on someone who sympathizes when you had a bad day, worries about you when you're gone too long, and always welcomes you with open arms no matter what.

loving many people all at the same time is like eating candies with different flavors.. it's fun because you get to taste all of them.. but once you're done, and when they're all gone, can you tell which candy was the sweetest? stop fooling around.. learn how to let things go.. know that you cannot have everything.. stick with someone who makes you happy.. you only get to live once.. get rid of the other candies and do yourself a favor.. stay with the one you love most.

when letting go becomes the hardest choice you'll ever make, all you have to do is keep calm for a while & tell your heart "all things come and go, you only have to learn how to set it free."

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9:00 AM 4/27/07
bloody chikka internship..

fifth day na namin dito and things are getting worse.. hay.. kamusta naman? quiz about the doctoral thesis we were asked to read.. coding of the subscription service (quote central - smart).. ano pa ba? i've expected things to be hard, but not this hard.. well, maybe because i am having this 'mild' influenza that's why i can't digest what i've been reading.. the result? i have to read that part again.. another wasted time.. honestly, i could feel that i am not in the proper condition now.. i'm not really feeling well.. i'm sick.. =(

i hope things would get better as i go on with my internship.. i still have barely 3 weeks to do a great job.. it isn't too late, is it?

by the way, if there have been difficult times, there are also good times, which happen during lunch breaks.. i'm really lucky to be with cool and fun people.. and we really get along well..

as a matter of fact, during our first day, after the contract signing, we had our pictures taken.. hindi naman kami camera addicts no? haha!

email message

Read only if you have time for God.
Let me tell you, make sure you read all the way to the bottom. I almost deleted this email but I was blessed when I got to the end.

God, when I received this e-mail, I thought...
I don't have time for this... And, this is really inappropriate during work.

Then, I realized that this kind of thinking is... Exactly, what has caused lot of the problems in our world today.

We try to keep God in church on Sunday morning...
Maybe, Sunday night...
And, the unlikely event of a midweek service.
We do like to have Him around during sickness...

And, of course, at funerals.

However, we don't have time, or room, for Him during work or play...

Because.. That's the part of our lives we think... We can, and should, handle on our own.

May God forgive me for ever thinking...
That... there is a time or place where..

HE is not to be FIRST in my life.

We should always have time to remember all HE has done for us.

If, You aren't ashamed to do this...

Please follow the directions.

Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father."

Not ashamed?

Pass this on ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT!!

Yes, I do Love God.

HE is my source of existence and Savior.

He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I will be nothing. But, with Christ, HE strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)

This is the simplest test.

If You Love God... And, are not ashamed of all the marvelous things HE has done for you...

Send this to ten people and the person who sent it to you!

Now do you have the time to pass it on?

Make sure that you scroll through to the end.

Easy vs. Hard

Why is it so hard to tell the truth but Yet so easy to tell a lie?

Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?

Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e-mail, but yet we forward all of the nasty ones?

Of all the free gifts we may receive, Prayer is the very best one....

There are no costs, but wonderful rewards... GOD BLESS!

Notes: Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).

Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing?

Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me.

I pray, for everyone who sends this to their entire address book, they will be blessed by God in a way special for them.

And send it back to the person who sent it, to let them know that indeed it was sent out to many more.

one week isn't enough for a vacation..

.. I wanted to have a break for a little longer but at the same time, I'm also getting a bit bored doing nothing.. I still have three days to relax (?) and feel the summer heat.. yes, I can feel the heat.. and it's burning me..

hmm.. how long have I been silent? According to my files, the last time I wrote a blog entry was on April 11, Wednesday.. well, I’ll start from where I ended..

April 11, Wednesday:
I went to the Chikka office for the orientation regarding my internship (which would start on Monday, April 23). I believe I went online after that.. Anyway, the orientation was fine. I was able to meet the other interns and I was glad that Angel was there. She’s also from UP.. there are four of us in the group under Sir Victor, and the other two are from DLSU.. we just signed some papers, and Ms. Mia, briefed us with what we’re supposed to do during our internship. We also talked about our schedules and settled other issues..

April 12, Thursday:
We had our music min practice.. and the only bad thing about it was the invasion of my greatest enemies – mosquitoes..

April 13, the dreaded Friday the 13th:
I went to school to register for the summer classes. Our practicum isn’t required; it’s an elective so we have to enroll so we can get the credits from it.. there were some ‘nice’ things that happened on my way to UP.. ask kuya ian/tweet2 if you want to know what those things were.. =) however, while there were wonderful things coming my way, there were also some bad news waiting for my arrival.. I didn’t find my name in the eligibility list, which makes me ineligible to enroll.. “good heavens”, I thought.. the reason stated was “did not satisfy contract” which was a big mistake because I know for a fact that I did.. but of course, words aren’t enough.. what they need were documents to prove that I have satisfied what was written on the contract.. good thing I bought my completion form and some of my class cards.. but, there’s still a problem, one of my instructors haven’t submitted the class cards yet.. hmm.. do I need to go into details? It’s quite long.. again, ask tweet2 for more info.. ask alpha for she was with me for the longest time.. by the way, that girl had also her share of struggles.. and so I asked her if she wanted to go with me to Quiapo.. for some reason, Quiapo has been my sanctuary during the frustrating, difficult, and trying times like these.. we hoped to attend the mass but we were too late so we stayed at the adoration chapel instead.. there, we breathed out everything.. all the frustrations, depressions and whatever “-ions” we had.. as I expected, I felt a lot better after crying my heart out.. and I believe alpha felt the same.. =) it was a tiring day.. and when I got home, I can’t do anything but lie down and sleep..

Oops, I forgot to say: I’ve been worried about Friday the 13th since my grandfather died (April 13, 2001).. but I guess things have changed and now, I’m no longer afraid of Friday the 13th..

April 14, Saturday:
I had my “girl thing” and I was bedridden.. I must say that it was among the most uncomfortable days I’ve ever had.. I suffered from ulcer and dysmenorrhea.. you could guess that I was really having a hard time..

April 15, Sunday:
Again, I stayed in bed all throughout the day.. I wasn’t able to attend the mass and to serve as part of the choir.. =(

I spent time watching “blaze of glory” and I had an instant crush on JC Chavez Jr. he’s everything I want.. haha! “he has the looks of an actor but the punch of a killer” as commented by Quinito Henson and Chino Trinidad.. he hasn’t lost any game and out of his 31 wins, 24 were by TKO.. he’s really admirable!

April 16, Monday:
I went to school again to go on with my enrollment (after getting the required documents from Ms. Mia of Chikka) and through God’s grace, I was able to finish the registration.. binoy was with me and we really had a great time together.. we ate ice cream and stayed at the track oval while waiting for chai.. there, we talked about almost everything under the sun, love stuffs in particular.. when chai arrived, we ordered halo-halo from LKB and bonded again at the track oval..

Sarap talaga ng feeling na kasama ang barkada.. and although there were only three of us, we were still able to enjoy each other’s company.. =)

April 17 & 18 (Tuesday and Wednesday):
I did nothing aside from house chores and reading the PDL..

April 19, Thursday:
Some bad things really annoyed me.. kuya ian knows that.. but my day ended beautifully as I was able to spend the night with my brothers and sisters in the community.. after the music min practice, we went to kuya tirso’s house and ate the usual meal – pansit.. at syempre kasama na ang kwentuhan dun.. =)

Tagal ko na rin palang nawala sa service.. well, sabi nila.. kung sa bagay, na-miss ko na rin sila.. hmm.. excited na ako sa outing.. sana talaga makasama ang karamihan lalo na si kuya ian, ang aking paboritong kuya.. =)

April 20, Friday:
I just finished writing about what had happened during the previous week.. and this time, text messages na naman ang idadaldal ko..

I have 17 messages in my inbox and 14 of those are quotes about life, love, and some other things.. I find every quote worthy to be mentioned so here they go:

*it’s better to have nobody than somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn’t want to be there, or is there and then suddenly disappears*
>>get’s nyo ba? Honestly, I’m not sure if I agree to it.. parang oo na parang hindi eh..

*when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown.. but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap the idiot on the face*
>>now, this one made me smile.. but I don’t think I’ll do that.. I’m not really that kind.. when someone annoys me, I usually lock myself up in a room, and cry my heart out while talking to my God.. in that case, hindi ako mapapa-away..

*GF: ihatid mo q
BF: wala aqong pera, inoperahan c lola, wala pang padala si dad
GF: ayaw mo? Hindi ka mka2score sken
BF: aba’y tingnan mo nga naman.. may naipit plng 200 sa wallet q*
>>ehem.. sino kayang natatamaan? Hehe..

*plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they did not slow down to enjoy it*
>>true!

*no one is born happy.. but all of us are born with the ability to create happiness*
>>true again!

*what if you don’t believe in love.. then someone teaches you how.. then you fall for him and you believed.. but.. what if he’s not supposed to love you.. only to teach you?*
>>ouch! That hurts.. hanggang dun lang ang comment ko..

*sometimes it’s not the tears that measure the pain, sometimes, it’s the smile*
>>agree!

*pag may mahal ka, be contented. Wag ka maghanap ng bagay na wala sa kanya.. wag mo sya icocompare sa iba.. kasi mas masarap magmahal nang kontento kahit di kumpleto, kesa kumpleto nga, di naman totoo*
>>sana marealize ‘to ng mga dapat maka-realize..

*if you want pain.. if you like tears..if you need sleepless nights.. and suffering.. find a friend.. and fall in love.. *
>>I don’t think so.. I don’t usually fall for a friend.. in fact, I haven’t done that yet.. I’ve fallen in love with just one person.. and he wasn’t my friend.. although we became the best of friends while we were together.. hindi ko lang talaga tipo yung ganun.. pag kaibigan, kaibigan lang.. and based sa experience ko, kadalasan, nagkakaroon ng lamat ang friendship once na nagsabi na yung guy na he has some other feelings for me.. alam ni binoy yun, di ba? *wink*

Here’s my own version of that quote: if you want pain.. if you like tears..if you need sleepless nights.. and suffering.. find an insensitive, selfish person.. and fall in love..

*the advantage of having a bad memory is that you can enjoy the same good things for the first time several times..*
>>hmm.. no comment..

And last but not the least, eto ang pinakamatindi..
*IF THE HEART IS ONE OF THE STRONGEST MUSCLES IN THE HUMAN BODY, THEN WHY IS IT SO EASY TO BREAK? =’(*
>>bakit nga kaya?

At para wakasan ang napakahabang post na ito, here’s something which inspired me.. I got this from kuya ian..

"from your view point, everything's a mess but from my view point, everything's perfect"
- God (Joan of Arcadia)


P.S. if you’ll notice some errors, whether typographical or grammatical, pagpasensyahan nyo na.. medyo nanlalabo na rin kasi ang paningin ko at pagod na ang mga mata ko para mag-proofread pa.. salamat sa pang-unawa.. God bless everyone! =)

text..

a nice message from a very good friend.. >>thanks chai!<<

..when you're hurt, its ok to flirt, to date, to hate, to mingle with other people, to drink, to cry, to laugh, out loud, to scream, and to dance wild.. you know why? because when you're hurt, you don't owe anybody any explanation on how you choose to repair what that person broke. Live your life as you wish.. until you're whole again.

i decided to pass on the message and one of my friends replied: "parang hindi ikaw 'to unai"

binasa ko uli yung message and i realized, hmm.. he's right, hindi nga ako 'to.. so i texted him back.. "bakit ano ba dapat? when you're hurt, just cry and cry and cry? matagal na akong ganun.. at hanggang ngayon, ganun pa rin.. front lang yung text message na yun.. kunwari strong ako"

hay.. oo nga, i'm just pretending to be strong pero ang totoo, isa pa rin akong iyaking bata.. pero ok na rin yun.. at least sarili ko lang pinahihirapan ako.. ulo ko lang ang sasakit, mata ko lang ang mamamaga.. wala na akong iba pang nasasaktan.. and i guess that made me better (still) than anybody else.. =)

ayan na naman ako, dadaldal na naman.. tama na nga.. tulog na muna ang prinsesa..

bukas, panibagong araw na naman.. oops.. bagong araw na nga pala ngayon.. past 12 na..

gandang umaga sa lahat! =)

walang pamagat..

kagabi, pinahiran ko ng gentian ang aking singaw.. ilang araw na rin akong pinahihirapan nito.. ang hirap magsalita dahil tumatama ang sugat sa ipin ko.. at ang resulta: lalo pang lumalaki at pumupula..

bago ko pa man din ipahid ang gentian, tumutulo na ang luha ko.. partly kasi natatakot akong baka masakit at hindi ko kayanin ang hapdi.. isa pang dahilan eh naiiyak na talaga ako..

narinig kong sinabi ng aking kapatid: "ate, pisikal lang yan, mas mahirap gamutin at mas masakit ang emotional na karamdaman."

mas lalo akong naiyak.. tama siya, mas mahirap ngang gamutin ang sugatang damdamin.. hay.. kung pwede lang mapawi ng halo-halo sa chowking ang lungkot at sakit na nararamdaman ko.. nararamdaman ng mga tao.. kung mapapahiran lang ng ice cream at cake ang mga luha.. ayos na sana eh.. kaso lang hindi ganun kadali yun.. hindi ganun kadaling makalimot.. hindi rin ganun kadaling maghilom ang sugat na dulot ng malalim na saksak sa damdamin..

ano ba naman unaiza, pitong buwan na ang nakakaraan, hanggang ngayon ba naman hindi ka pa tapos sa mga drama mong yan?

siguro nga hindi pa.. at para atang hindi rin ito matatapos ngayon o bukas o sa susunod na buwan.. pero hanggang kailan ako ganito? hanggang kailan ako iiyak?

marahil nga ay nagawa ko na ang pinakamaling desisyon na pwede kong magawa sa tanang buhay ko..

nagkamali nga ata ako.. kung maaari ko lang sanang ibalik ang panahon, patigilin ang oras, at ulitin lahat ng masasayang alala at karanasan..

sa totoo lang, ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang ganitong pagsisisi.. nagkamali nga talaga ako.. hindi naman ako magsisisi kung tama ang naging desisyon ko..

sabi ni leyn sa isang text, pagkakataon daw kung matatagpuan mo ang isang pag-ibig.. nasa iyong pagpili kung tatagal ito o hindi..

sa buhay natin, laging may pagkakataon at laging may sitwasyon na kailangan nating piliing mangyari..

nagkamali ako sa pinili ko..

hindi ba sapat ang pagsisisi.. sabi nila lagi raw nasa huli ang pagsisisi.. oo nga naman, paano ka magsisisi kung hindi mo pa alam ang magiging kahinatnan ng desisyon mo..

pero ngayon ngang nagsisisi na ako, sapat na ba yun? sa nangyayari kasi parang hindi pa..

kailangan ko ba talagang pagdaanan ang lahat ng ito? wala bang kapatawaran ang ginawa ko?

sa paghahangad kong maayos ang lahat, lalo lang naging komplikado.. at ngayon, hindi ko na mabawi ang naging desisyon ko.. wala akong ibang masisi kundi sarili ko.. ganun din siya, ako ang sinisisi niya.. sino pa nga bang may kasalanan? ako naman talaga.. ako ang unang sumuko..

sana naging matatag na lang ako.. sana hindi ako nawalan ng pag-asa..

ngayon, wala na talaga akong aasahan.. kahit anong dasal ko, hindi Niya ako pinakikinggan.. siguro sabi Niya, "ginusto mo yan, ikaw ang nagdesisyon niyan, ngayon, magdusa ka."

sa buong buhay ko, ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganitong pagkatalo at pagkalungkot..

hindi ko alam kung may pag-asa pa.. ayokong mawalan ng pag-asa pero ayoko na ring umasa.. pero hanggang kailan ako masasaktan?

akala ko dati tapos na ako sa ganitong drama.. hindi pa pala.. mukhang hindi talaga ako titigilan ng nakaraan..

maraming "sana", maraming "sayang".. pero ano pa nga bang magagawa ko?

sa tingin ko naman nagawa ko na ang lahat ng pwede kong magawa para maayos lang.. kahit na magmukha akong tanga.. kahit na ibaba ko ang sarili ko.. pero wala pa ring epekto.. ganun ba talaga kabigat ang kasalanan ko?

wala na ba talaga akong pwedeng gawin? nahihirapan na ako.. matagal na.. ang pinaniwalaan kong paraan para maayos ang gulong ito ay hindi naging tagumpay..

hanggang kailan ako ganito? hanggang saan ako dadalhin ng ganitong pakiramdam? hanggang kailan ako iiyak?

hindi ko rin alam ang kasagutan..

c'mon! emo raw ako..

from quizilla.com - what kind of music are you?

Emo - You are more easily hurt than you like to admit. A close relationship would help a lot, but you are usually too afraid to get close to anyone.life is hard, and sometimes its easier just to give in. Death Cab For Cutie, and Dashboard Confessional both express your personality through song and lyric.

Lenten reflections

lenten reflections

i felt hell during the past two weeks.. my semester ended just last wednesday (april 4) and it was only now that i could say that i've really had a break..

last wednesday i posted something about winning and losing in my blogs but i didn't give details.. i decided not to talk much about it.. not that i'm not over it yet but because i think there are better issues i should talk about.. nonetheless, i would include a bit about it here as i share some of the reflections that i had during the lenten season.

1. in life, you win some, you lose some..
>>i lost my first flash disk when i got hold of the penshoppe denimlab rockfest cd after buying a blouse, a shirt for my brother, and a bag..
>>last wednesday, Chikka Asia hired me as an intern but on the same day

well, i guess that's the way life goes.. God gives us enough victories to make us happy, and enough defeats to make us humble.. i realized that indeed, i've grown up as a person.. unlike before, i can now handle tough situations like i've mentioned above.. i no longer cry like a baby.. i've learned to let go and accept the things that have happened and would happen in the future..

sabi nga ni erap, weather weather lang yan.. kung hindi ukol, hindi bubukol.. siguro hindi lang talaga para sken yung flash disk na yun.. anyway, napalitan ko naman sya eh.. ng mas malaking memory.. 512mb lang yung unang flash disk ko, ngayon, 1gb na.. at yung naging kapalit ng chikka, ok na rin yun.. hindi naman ganun kalaki ang epekto niya.. sana lang wala ng hingin pang ibang requirements yung chikka.. briefing namin sa wednesday and i hope they would no longer ask us to submit additional documents..

2. loving isn't easy..
>>hindi totoo na masarap magmahal.. dahil ang pagmamahal ay may katumbas na sakit at hirap..

my brother and i participated in this year's penitential walk to antipolo.. we've been doing it for 3 years now and this year, nathan walked with us.. first time naming naglakad na walang pahinga.. sa tikling lang kami tumigil para kumain at magpahinga.. after regaining our strength, naglakad na uli kami hanggang sa 14th station of the cross..

i got my second reflection from the reflection in one of the stations na dinaanan namin..

sabi raw ng mga romantiko, masarap magmahal.. but we must be aware that loving also requires getting hurt.. yes, requirement talagang masaktan ka.. sabi nga dun sa reflection, kung madali lang daw para sa atin ang magmahal, baka raw hindi talaga tayo nagmamahal.. bakit hindi nga naman natin subukang mahalin ang mga taong hindi tayo kayang mahalin, mga taong hindi tayo pinapansin, mga taong walang pakialam at walang pagpapahalaga sa atin.. mahirap di ba? but that's the true measure of love.. loving the unlovable, loving without conditions..

sabi sa isang text message na natanggap ko from a friend.. loving unconditionally enables you to say "i love you but you don't have to love me back, i'll be fine."

ang sakit, ang hirap, pero ganun talaga eh..

"if loving means being loved, then i'm not loving enough.. if loving means being special, then i barely love.. but if loving means getting hurt, i guess i'm loving too much"

yes, indeed i'm loving too much.. and i'm fine with that.. at least i know what true love means.. and that makes me different from some people i know who don't take love seriously.. who are afraid of commitment..

there's this guy who told his ex that he still loves her.. the girl wants him back and is willing to "start all over again" but the guy said that he's fine with what they both have.. friendship to the next level.. sort of an open relationship.. he's not ready for a commitment yet.. but is love not enough to keep a commitment?

sad but true, the word "love" is already overused.. people say "i love you" frequently but they're not saying it from the heart.. and if they do, they don't really mean it because they don't understand what love is..

buti na lang hindi ako kabilang sa kanila..

mahirap magmahal lalo na ng taong hindi kayang suklian yung pagmamahal na binibigay mo.. gaya na lang ni Hesus.. minahal niya tayo, he suffered and died for us.. but are we loving Him well?

the following are among the questions Monsi has imposed during his homily last thursday:
*ano ang estado natin sa buhay para mahalin at patawarin tayo ng Diyos?
*ano ang estado natin sa buhay para pagkalooban tayo ng mga biyaya?
*anong ginagawa natin para mapasalamatan ang Panginoon sa lahat ng ginawa at binigay niya despite our unworthiness?

for the last part, i would like to share these beautiful text messages i have received during the Holy Week..

>>in the end what would matter is not what you bought but what you built; not what you got but what you gave; not your success but your significance; not what you learned but what you taught; not your competence but your character; not how long you will be remembered but by whom and for what. CHOOSE TO LIVE A LIFE THAT MATTERS.<<

>>there was a man who saw a scorpion almost drowning in water. he decided to save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion stung him. the man still tried, but the scorpion stung him again. another man nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion. but the man said: "it's the nature of the scorpion to sting. it's my nature to love. why should i give up my nature to love just because it's the nature of the scorpion to sting?" DON'T GIVE UP CARING, DON'T GIVE UP LOVING,DON'T GIVE UP YOUR GOODNESS, EVEN WHEN EVERYONE AROUND YOU STINGS.<<

>>why did God make the world round? so that no matter how small or insignificant you think you are, wherever you stand on it, you're still on top of the world.<<

>>in God's eyes love is always present. in God's heart forgiveness is always there. in God's embrace no one is ever alone.<<

>>He had no servants, yet they called Him Master. No college degree, yet they called Him Teacher. No medicines, yet they called Him Healer. No army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. Feel honored to serve such a Leader.<<

i hope we all had a meaningful Lenten season..

God bless everyone! =)