things i want to say..

after two long years, nakabalik uli ako sa dagat! and yes, i super missed it!

out of town trips have always been an escape for me, escape from the chaotic city, escape from tons of work i need to do, and most of all, escape from people (who, most of the time, hurt me with the things they do and say and the things they DON'T do and DON'T say).

yesterday, i had that much awaited "break" (sabi ni ate aike, i deserve it daw, do i really?) dahil hindi naman payag ang family ko na hindi ako sumama sa company outing nina papa. oo nga naman, noon lang kasi uli kame makakapag-bond as a family. at maganda pa yung lugar (Nasugbu, Batangas) kaya hindi na ako nakatanggi pang sumama. walang tulog. (assembly rin kasi the other night - friday). sa biyahe na lang ako nagnakaw ng tulog. pero pagdating ng tagaytay, gising na gising na uli ako. bukod sa napakalamig, ayoko ring pumikit kasi gusto kong makita yung napakagandang scenery. country girl talaga kasi ako. kaya naman super enjoy ako sa mga nakikita kong taniman ng pinya, palayan, bundok, ilog, mga bahay, at kung ano-ano pa na sa probinsya ko lang nakikita. habang nasa byahe, bigla kong naisip, "I WILL LIVE HERE." hindi talaga "I WANT TO LIVE HERE", "I WILL" kasi someday, magkakaroon talaga ako ng bahay sa tagaytay. haha. ambisyosa no? hehe. bakit ba, sabi nga, DREAM BIG. wala namang imposible e. :D
pagdating namin sa venue, ang sarap sa pakiramdam. very therapeutic ang dagat. hay. 2 years din akong hindi nakapunta sa beach. puro pool lang. at ang huling dagat na napuntahan ko e sa Batangas din, sa Lemery naman (kasama ang SFC chapter ko, after ng Lord's Day ng batch nina Cat. at yun yung time na muntik na akong malunod. haha. tandang-tanda ko pa. at hindi ko makakalimutan yun!).

picture. kain. langoy. picture. kain uli. ligo. TULOG. around 7am kami dumating sa beach. by 830, tulog na kame ni arnold. at nagising kame, 12nn na, lunch na. after nun, tulog uli. hindi obvious na puyat kame no? hehe. naenjoy naman namin ang dagat kaya sulit din naman. :)

at dahil medyo nakabawi na kame ng tulog, sa daan pauwi, todo abang na kame sa mga tanawin. todo picture. kahit ano na lang makita sa daan. hehe. paglampas ng tagaytay, tulog na uli. :D
masaya kasi nakasama ko ang family ko. malungkot kasi, parang may kulang. o baka nga hindi kulang, baka sobra. sobrang daming iniisip na gagawin, sobrang daming responsibilities. pero hindi yun burden for me, i'm too blessed to be stressed. :)

at dahil somehow nagiging time for reflection ko rin ang mga byahe, may nagawa akong nonsense na senting ewan habang nasa bus pabalik ng manila. ano yun? eto:

dear

lately i've been thinking
i even have had sleepless nights
i wonder how
i wonder why

still i don't have answers
but i trust that someday i'll know
and until that one day comes
i'll be hanging, waiting, hoping...
and best of all,
still loving, enduring, growing.

how could you?
how could i?
how could we?

have you ever?
will you ever?

how can i?
why do i?
why can't i?
will i ever?

until when?
what else?
how much?

do you?
i do.

one word: sorry.
two words: thank you.
three words: i love/hate you (whichever you like).

diba nonsense? just as this blog post. nonsense.

parang ang lungkot ko no? sabi ni jb kanina, "ate, bakit parang wala ka sa mood?" hindi ko rin alam e. wala nga ba ako sa mood? hindi naman siguro.

let's just say na sa mga panahong ito, marami akong iniisip na mga bagay. mga bagay na dapat talagang pag-isipan. gaya ng, "ano kayang masarap na merienda?" hehe. joke lang. :D

marami lang talaga akong nakuhang input since friday. kaya naman nasa stage pa lang ako ng "digestion". at habang hindi pa naabsorb ng sistema ko lahat ng sustansiya ng mga pangyayaring yun, siguro nga, "wala muna ako sa mood".

pero hindi ko naman hahayaang madamay ang kung sino mang magbabasa nito sa "kawalan ko sa mood" (tama ba ang tagalog ko? hehe.). at sa totoo lang, hindi talaga dapat ito ang laman ng blog ko. i mean, hindi na dapat kasama yung mga kadramahang nauna ko ng natype. kaso lang, wala e, natype ko na. hehe.

bakit ba kasi ako nasa mood mag-blog? may gagawin pa akong final paper, at sobrang loaded ng week ko. pwede naman akong matulog na lang muna. o di kaya gumawa na ng mga dapat gawin. why blog?

wala. gusto ko lang. :D sabi ko nga kanina nasa process ako ng digestion. at alam kong malaking tulong ang magagawa ng pagsusulat ng thoughts para mas maintindihan ko ang mga bagay-bagay. :)

at isa sa mga gusto kong i-grasp ay ang homily ni Monsi kanina. (by the way, Palm Sunday po ngayon).

the most striking statement that he said is: accept the pain. go through it. because it is going through the pain that you go beyond it. sabi pa niya, nagiging painful lang daw ang mga bagay-bagay kasi we resist them. pero kung hahayaan natin ang mga sarili nating maramdaman yung sakit, in time, mawawala na rin yung pain. oo nga naman. hanggat hindi naten tinatanggap yung sakit, mananatili siyang sakit. if we'll just ignore it and act as if we're not hurting, lalo lang tayong mahihirapan. at yun nga, hindi naman mawawala yung sakit nun. maaari tayong maging manhid for a while, pero hindi magtatagal, kukulitin din tayo ng pain na hindi naten na-address. imagine if Jesus resisted suffering and death, ano na kayang nangyari? mahirap kung sa mahirap, at na-witness din naten yung agony Niya sa Garden of Gethsemane. kung Siya lang ang masusunod, ayaw Niya rin sana. pero sabi nga Niya, not His will, but the Father's be done. and even sa cross, He questioned God, "why have You abandoned me?". but it didn't end there. His last words were "Father, into Your hands, I commend/commit my Spirit." a clear profession of trust. just the same, we are challenged to endure and go through the pain, and trust that God will give us the strength to go beyond and claim victory over whatever suffering life has to offer. sakto yung blog title and desciption ko sa blogger, "sweet sorrows.. because pain is essential to maturity.." and yes, i am in pain. and i love it. because it keeps me alive. :D and for the nth time, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

so endure the pain. go through it. just a warning: don't let it kill you. don't go through it alone. vaya con Dios. go with God. :)

have a meaningful, prayerful, and fruitful Holy Week everyone! ^_^

P.S.
just one last. share ko lang din yung talk ni Tito Chito kagabi sa CLP. kahit na pagod galing Batangas, pumunta pa rin ako sa CLP, simply because God told me to do so. :)

Talk 4: Repentance and Faith

Repentance and faith go together. The Lord has done His part, we must do our share, that is, to repent and have faith.

Repentance must come with change (turning your back away from those things that are not pleasing to God and living a new life). Repentance is not based on feelings. It's a deliberate decision. Change not because of the consequences of our actions. We must hate sin itself and not just the consequence of it.

How to Repent?
1. Be honest. Admit that you have sinned.
2. Exercise humility.
3. Renounce sin.
4. Ask for God's forgiveness.

for me, yung most striking part ng talk ay yung story about a painter who made a portray of Jesus knocking on a door (based sa Revelations 3:20). during an exhibit, maraming nakapansin sa painting na yun. and from the crowd, someone commented that something was wrong with the painting. wala raw kasing doorknob yung pinto kung saan kumakatok si Jesus. so nag-usap-usap na yung mga tao, hanggang sa dumating yung painter. the people told him what they thought was wrong with his work. the painter explained, "there's nothing wrong with the painting. indeed, you can't see the doorknob, because it's on the other side. the door can only be opened from the inside."

true enough, Jesus cannot open the door of our hearts. all He can do is knock. He has done His part, it's time for us to do ours. let's open the door of our hearts and our lives, and let Him in.

again, a blessed Holy Week to everyone.

sorry, i've said too much again.

last na P.S. na talaga. hehe. nakita ko kasi 'tong message from marshee. can't help but share.. ewan, nakaka-relate kasi siguro ako..

"at the end of the day , you either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together."

end of the very long post. ^_^

untitled :D

When you say you're committed to someone, it doesn't necessarily mean you're in love with the person. Feelings are very short-lived. You may be in love with the person now, but sometimes, you end up hating him/her. Commitment is not all about mere feelings. It's about the need to be with the person, a need that says: "No matter how bad the weather might become, I'm willing to stay."
-->>for me, love is commitment. and commitment is love. and didn't i say "LOVE IS A DECISION, and not just a feeling?" :)

Just some quotes na nakita ko sa Drafts folder ng dating phone ni Arnold. :)

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Tears of the Sun

"Fate doesn't decide everything." -Hancock

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away." -Hitch

"Humans have the power to heal themselves. The answer is the brain." -Serum

"They say the best conversation you'll ever have is with a stranger." -Bateman (Jason Statham), London

"I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." -LOTR, Return of the King

-->>buti pa yung kapatid ko, ang dami ng napanood na movies. waah. talo pa ako. hehe. oh well.

at eto, from Shy's site.. :D

"Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Rather, it's a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan." -Serendipity

and because i haven't seen the movie yet and i've been wanting to see it, i decided to watch it online :D (thanks to him for sharing this site to me: http://ineedpopcorn.com)

oh by the way, here's another tagline, apart from "Destiny.. With A Sense of Humor" and "Can Once In A Lifetime Happen Twice?", for Serendipity, which i found in The Internet Movie Database (IMDB): "When Love Feels Like Magic, It's called Destiny. When Destiny Has A Sense of Humor, It's Called Serendipity."

magandang hapon! ^_^

i cried.. so what? :D

i am happy to tell you that after a long time, i cried again. haha. oh yes, i cried last night, i mean on tuesday night (march 31). and you know what? it feels really really good. :D haha. nababaliw na ba ako? bakit ba ako natutuwa? hindi naman tears of joy yun? wala lang. matagal na rin kasi akong hindi umiiyak. nakakamiss lang. haha. besides, heart-to-heart talk kasi talaga yun with God. so malamang, di ko talaga mapipigilan yung luha. ayun. wala naman akong balak ikwento pa kung anong dahilan ng pag-iyak ko. pero ang mahalaga, napatunayan kong tao pa pala ako - may puso't damdamin. marunong masaktan. haha. drama. joke lang. :D pero seryoso, at least nalaman ko sa sarili ko na hindi naman pala ako manhid. :p at masaya talaga ako. in fact, after ko ngang umiyak, mega picture na uli ako e. haha. at in fairness, hindi naman halatang umiyak pala ako. :))

ang blog post na ito ay isang pag-alala. shocks, maalaala mo kaya? haha. i told a joke! :D (naalala ko lang si achmed, the dead terrorist. :D silence, i kill you! haha. cute talaga nun. :D)

seriously, gusto ko lang alalahanin yung 1st three months ng taon ko. ^_^

i would say it's a roller-coaster ride. daming ups and downs, curves and bends.. pero i definitely enjoyed the ride! oh yes!

at sobrang thankful ako sa lahat ng taong naging bahagi ng first three months ng 2009 ko. ^_^

why would i wait for dec 31 bago pa mag-thank you sa mga taong naging part ng buhay ko when i can do it now?! diba? :D

kaya eto na ang mga gusto kong pasalamatan (so far.. :D)

1. ang mahal kong pamilya - kelangan pa bang imemorize yan? hehe. sobrang mahal ko sila. kahit pa lagi akong wala sa bahay at hindi na masyadong nakakatulong. huhu. sorry na. ganun talaga pag artista ang isang miyembro ng pamilya, maraming commitments. hehe. nagkaroon nga ng time na lagi nila akong kasama, may sakit naman ako nun. tsk. pero salamat salamat sa walang sawang suporta at pag-unawa. :)

2. friends - naman! sino-sino nga ba kayo? haha. alam niyo na kung sino kayo. hindi ko na kayo iisa-isahin pa. :D alam ko maraming maraming marami akong pagkukulang sa inyo. kasi as usual, busy ako. hehe. pero alam niyo namang kahit hindi niyo ako maasahan sa good times, during bad times, definitely kakampi at karamay niyo ako. i love you guys! makakabawi rin ako sa inyo. :)

3. SFC/GK (SAGIP) - lalo na yung chapter namin. at lalo na yung music min. at syempre, makakalimutan ko ba yung SFC Choral Manila? :) words are not enough. basta alam niyong buhay ko ang SFC lalo na ang pagkanta at pag-aalaga ng mga makukulit pero masasayang kasamang mga bata. :)

4. long-lost friends - oh yeah! i'm super happy na na-contact, nakita, nakasama, naka-message sa friendster o sa multiply, naka-text, o kung ano pa man. hehe. basta salamat. i hope to stay in contact with you. :) (at dahil konti lang kayo, special mention na kayo. hehe: dan, fred, nap, kareen, rianna, analyn, AT RIZ STEPHANIE! - girl, i so miss you! lalo na pag nagkakasabay tayo sa jeep dati. kwentuhan to the max. haha. i hope to see you soon!)

5. ACL family - ang mga karamay ko sa thesis. oh yes, pamilya ko na rin sila. :) salamat sa walang sawang pagtuturo at pag-alalay lalo na kay sir henry at ate jas. patience is their virtue. :)

may nakalimutan pa ba ako? hmmm. yung iba, secret na e. patago lang kasi. haha. hay nako. kasi naman, bakit ba may mga over-selosong boyfriends? haha. peace sis. :D hindi ko tuloy mabanggit yung name mo, fine, si Tin na nga lang! haha. Tin, thank you ng marami dahil sa wakas natuloy din ang ating date. next time, date uli tayo. at sana sis, makatakas ka uli para makasama ka uli namin! :D

nakakatuwa lang. ang dami na rin palang nangyari sa nakalipas na 3 buwan. at ang dami ko na ring napuntahan. yahoo! :D

i'm looking forward to more exciting adventures sa mga susunod pang mga araw. 3 months pa lang ang nagdaan, may 9 pa. at alam ko, marami pang mangyayari. :)

to end this post, i would like to share the results of the quizzes i took in facebook. haha. na-enjoy ko naman ang quizzes dun. ang galing tsumamba e. hehe.

game, eto na. :D hindi na ako maglalagay ng reactions pero for those who know me well, alam kong alam niyo na kung anong reaction ko. hehe. :D

What does your birthday say about you?
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

What Musical Are You? Phantom of the Opera
You love a classic, timeless, llifestyle. You appreciate the arts and the rarity of true love. When it comes along you embrace it full force and never look back, though on occasion you find yourself torn between two great loves. You are somewhat timid, but more talented than you know. You sometimes dwell on the past but all you ask is to be loved.. ->>love me, that's all i ask of you.. haha.. kumanta pa talaga. :D

What were you born to do? Doctor/Nurse
You are kind and patient. Born to help people.

What's your name meaning?
your name's got a deep meaning and reveals an hypnotic personality! -->> ano daw? hypnotic personality? ano yun?! haha. :D nakaka-hypnotize ako? parang hindi naman. hehe.

Which Grease Character are you? Olivia Newton John (Sandy)
you are a quiet, shy girl who concentrates more on her studies than social life. you make friends easily but have a nervous disposition. you follow your parents' rules and always stick to curfews, you won't drink unless at a family party and smoking is out of the question. you wear sensible clothing and you are well spoken. you are attractive and have the most beautiful hair! all your friends like you and support you with anything, and you return the favor. you also have a dark side waiting to be released, all you have to do is pick one and say...YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT..to be..

Who were you in a past life? Queen Elizabeth I.
In your past life you were Queen Elizabeth I. In this life you continue to have strong relationships with friends, have a conservative disposition, use your sexuality to gain power, and are careful to not take sides.. -->>yeba! i was, still am, and will always be a royalty. :D


What Element are you? Water
You are cool and quiet, but this does not mean that you don't you loud moments. You are a spiritual person and you are sensitive to the feelings of the people around you. You are rather well rounded and are some where in between introvert and extrovert. You occasionally have your dark moments in which you become reclusive and think things over.

What is your theme song? Somewhere over the rainbow
You are sweet, innocent, daydream frequently, and like to wear sparkly shoes. When asked where you prefer to be on Friday nights, your response? There's no place like home... well, at least not on THIS side of the rainbow.




Which Fairy Are you? Air Fairy
The Air Fairy is teeming with creative energy. She loves all art, music, stories, imaginion, anything that helps her escape her own boring reality. She pours all her emotion into what she does, which makes her an extraordinary artist. Her natural exhuberance gains her many friends, but she likes being by herself doing what she does best, dreaming! She's friendly, but sometimes seems distant and often loses herself (or others) in her thoughts. She might seem eccentric, but it's just her being herself, which is what everyone should do! -->> oh yeah! i so agree. :D





ang dami no? hehe. o siya, tulog na ako. umaga na pala. :D marami pang gagawin bukas, i mean mamaya. :D

magandang araw mga kaibigan! ^_^

the greatest love that anyone could ever know..

..that overcame the cross and grave to find my soul..

this is one of my favorite songs.. it's simply moving..

and what about that song? nothing special. it's just that now more than ever, i feel that crazy little thing called LOVE.. but it's not just love.. it's a very special love, the perfect one.

one of the tasks i've written in my "to-do list" for today is blogging. i even wrote down the things i want to share.. but as jireh said in one of his blogs, and i quote: "It's amazing how inspirations or motivations come at us all of a sudden. Without warning, without even a hint that it's coming. And you are glad it's that way because you wouldn't have had it any other way. It's like a nice surprise present."

indeed, today i was inspired to write something about LOVE. i know it's the first of April, and it's definitely not the "love month" but that's what my heart tells me to write about.. and i trust my heart. :)

the inspiration actually came from shy's blog (Paano Ba Ako Magmahal? =)), particularly the Bridgemaster video from YouTube. (thanks for sharing sis!)

i've been wanting to blog about last Sunday's homily (the grain of wheat) but i just couldn't find enough inspiration to do so.. until i came across that Bridgemaster video.

it is only now, just now, that i am able to organize my thoughts.

and here's that powerful message.. the message of LOVE..

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but shall have everlasting life." - who can ever forget that famous verse (John 3:16)?

2 Sundays ago, Father Hernan, in his homily, asked us, "if we weren't sinners, do you think God would still send His Son?"

what do you think? yes, still? not anymore? maybe?

the answer is YES. because God sent Jesus because of His LOVE for us. to save us from our sins is just a consequence of that love, therefore, a secondary reason.

and how is it connected to last Sunday's homily? simply this: God showed His love for us through His Son's sacrifice.. how we respond to that sacrifice, is our way of showing how we love God.

the essence of last Sunday's Gospel is found in this verse: "Amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit." (John 12:24)

Jesus came to die, not to live. just as He did, we are called to live a life of sacrifice. the proper response to The Son's sacrifice is also a sacrifice. let me explain further. :)

in the Bridgemaster video, the father sacrificed his son to save the lives of the passengers. a certain lady, an addict, witnessed how deeply hurt the father was. and that made her think of the life she leads. in the end, she chose to make the sacrifice of change (i strongly believe that to change for the better is one big sacrifice, a very challenging one). and when that father (who lost his son) saw that lady again, carrying her son, he smiled for he knew his son's life was indeed able to save a lost soul.

i believe that is also also how God feels every time a sinner repents and finally seeks devotion. and i guess that's all He ever wanted.

Father Babes made his point clear during his homily last Sunday: "LET OTHERS BENEFIT FROM YOUR SACRIFICE." Jesus sacrificed His life so that we may benefit from His death; He's the grain of wheat which fell to the ground, died, and produced lot of fruits - changed lives, healed wounds, blessed minds, purified hearts. ^_^

just like the grain of wheat, let not our lives be just a matter of existence and death, let it be a LIFE THAT MATTERS, A LIFE WELL LIVED, A LIFE OF SACRIFICE FOR OTHERS. i remember this: "it's not how long you lived, but HOW WELL you lived." do we live for ourselves? or do we live for others and for God?

again, God so loved us that He sent His Son not to live, but to die for us. as a response to that love and sacrifice, let's not just live for ourselves, instead, let us live to die for others. i think that's the best way to show our love for the Father. ^_^

just a random thought.. something to think about.. ^_^ in the Lord's Prayer, the word "love" was never mentioned. they say that it's because the greatest expression of love is forgiveness. ^_^

that's all. let LOVE rule! ^_^

I will live to LOVE YOU.
I will live to bring YOU praise.
I will live a child in awe of YOU.
(Til I See You, Hillsong United)

because i'm in the mood.. and because i have time..

dadaldal ako. :D

matagal-tagal din akong hindi nakapagkwento. bakit? e kasi naman artista nga ako, sobrang hectic ng schedule. haha. seriously, super mega over busy talaga. kung makikita niyo lang yung planner ko, hindi lang puno, umaapaw pa. hehe. hyperbole. :D

pero dahil matatapos na ang buwan, at marami-rami na akong naipong kwento, thoughts, at kung ano-ano pa, i decided na mag-blog muna. yey! hehe. na-miss ko ring magkwento. at sa totoo lang, super therapeutic talaga ang blogging for me. during times na sobrang ngarag at stressed na ako, i take a break by reading my previous blog entries. tapos yun, matatawa na lang ako. lalo na sa mga wrong spelling, wrong grammar, at kung ano-ano pang wrong. haha. pero nakakatulong talaga. at least natatawa ako. sabi nga laughter is the best medicine diba? :D

naku, mukhang mahaba-habang kwentuhan ito. hehe.

hmm.. where do i begin.. to tell the story of how great a love can be.. haha. biglang kumanta. :D at dahil sa kantang yan, pinanood ko pa talaga yung movie. haha. 1970 pa siya at naman, kamusta naman yun, sa movie pala na yun nanggaling yung pamosong linya na "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

ayun. wala lang. kwento lang. trivia. hehe.

saan nga ba ako magsisimula? sige, share na lang muna ako ng quotes. :D mula sa aking koleksyon ng mga text message mula sa mga mahal kong kaibigan. :)

onga pala, sorry friends, di na ako masyadong nakakatext. lam niyo naman ang lola niyo, tamad lang talaga magtext. haha. wala lang. lumipas na kasi ako sa period ng buhay na excited pa gumamit ng cellphone. lam niyo yun? parang kung hindi pa talaga importante, hindi ako magtetext. wala lang. sobrang busy na kasi talaga. ayun.

anyway, tama na ang paliwanag.. eto na yung mga text. :D

*Every bad situation will have something positive. Even a stopped clock shows correct time twice a day. So stay positive in life. Just smile. ^_^
- oh yes! i so agree! :D

*As much as you want to plan your life, it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned.
- i like this one. another way of saying "life's full of surprises!"

*You are not any greater when people praise you, nor are you any worse when they criticize you. How you are is how God sees you, nothing more, nothing less... simply PRICELESS!
- i soooooooooooo love this one! kasi totoo naman talaga. God loves us... period. ^_^

*Getting angry is actually punishing yourself with the mistakes of others.
- hmm.. oo nga naman.. may point siya.. kaya ako, hindi na ako nagagalit. :D

*Although we naturally enjoy laughter more than tears, we have to accept that most of the wisdom we've gained along the way, we owe to sad times.
- korek. korek. at isa pang korek. sabi nga ni alanis, "YOU CRY, YOU LEARN" ^_^

*Never let your fear make your decisions. YOU make them.
- ay eto, isang tao lang ang pinasahan ko ng quote na 'to. kasi i really believe that more than anyone else, she needs to receive this message. bakit? kasi, nung minsang nagkausap kame, she insisted that she was afraid of what would have happened kung sakaling nalaman ko agad yung tungkol sa kanila. i won't go into details. pero basta sabi niya kung siya lang daw gusto na talaga niyang sabihin kaso lang natatakot siya. basta ganun. wala lang. ayoko ng magsalita pa. haha. pero basta, tama yung message na 'to. don't blame to fear, or to any feeling for that matter, your wrong decisions. at wag din nateng hayaang emotions naten yung mag-rule. sabi nga ni ate ria, "we are the masters of our emotions". so kung meron mang dapat masunod, hindi emosyon, kundi yung judgment at conscience naten. ayun. na-realize ko nga e, kung hinayaan kong takot yung gagawa ng decisions ko, malamang hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin kame magkaibigan ng isa sa tinuturing kong closest friend. kung nakinig ako sa iba, dapat hindi ako masaya ngayon. don't get me wrong, it's okay to ask for others' opinion. in fact, kelangan talaga nateng gawin yun. at sa totoo lang din, kelangan din nateng i-consult yung mga nararamdaman naten. pero ang final decision, dapat, saten pa rin manggaling. at kung ano man yung maging decision naten, panindigan naten yun. kasi yun ang pinili nateng gawin. i mean, we were given options diba? so kung ano yung pinili naten, pangatawanan na naten. did i make sense? haha. sorry naman, nawala kasi yung momentum ko sa pagsusulat. nanood pa kasi ng Love Story e. haha. ayun.

may isa pa akong naalala. familiar ba kayo dito: "love is not a feeling. it's a decision."?

well, personally, agree ako dun. love is indeed a decision. kasi kung feelings lang ang magiging basehan naten, wala na sigurong nagtagal na relationship. why? because feelings change. one moment sobrang importante sa'yo yung isang tao, the next moment, wala lang siya. hay nako, pinagdaanan ko na yan. haha. pero at least napatunayan ko na kaya ko palang gumawa ng "decision to love", yun nga lang.. yun nga lang.. haha. ayokong magkwento. :p

*This is the greatest gift God can give you: to understand what happened in your life; to have it explained. It is the peace you have been searching for. [The Blue Man, The Five People You Meet in Heaven]
- yho, thanks for this message. ang ganda rin nito. agree ako. at kung ako ang tatanungin, hindi pa lahat, pero most of the things that have happened in my life, naintindihan ko na. and yes, sobrang at peace na ako. ^_^

*If you feel like no one cares about you, think again. Look in the mirror, because the person you see needs you more than anyone else.
- oh yes again. umm, batch, this message is for you.

at.. last but not the least.. eto ay galing kay alpha margaux quelnan (naks, complete name. haha.) na ayon sa kanya ay galing sa book of colors ni ate lady.. tama ba heelz? hehe.

*October 15: Your color is lilac snow. You have a gift for storytelling and an appreciation for beauty. (aha! agree. :D) The performing arts can be a great vehicle for your many talents. (huwow! many talents?! hindi naman. singing lang tsaka writing tsaka singing tsaka writing. haha.) You can do well in front of an audience, especially if the words you speak resonate within your heart. (hmm.. ??) You have a strong magnetism that makes you attractive to others. (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! hahahaha. adik! talaga lang ha? san banda? hehe.) It is important to surround yourself with people and objects that promote harmony. (hmm.. friends, nagpopromote ba kayo ng harmony? haha.)

hayyyyyyyy.. ang bilis naman ng oras.. at ang dami ko na palang nasabi.. hehe.. tama na muna 'to.. maya-maya uli. :D

pahinga muna. ^_^

ay wala lang sige pala, kwento pa pala. hehe. ayun. sobrang natutuwa lang ako sa sarili ko. hehe. oh yes, i love myself. :D yun nga kasi, may isa akong nakausap and while listening to her, i realized how weak she/they thought i was. sabi ko nga sa kanya, "grabe ate, ganun kahina yung tingin niyo sken? hindi niyo nga ako kilala." wala lang. naging common misconception na talaga na kapag ang isang tao ay umiiyak, mahina siya. at eto pa, kaya naisipan kong ituloy ang kwento, kakapanood ko lang sa commercial ng All About Eve yung scene na nakita ni Jean Garcia si Sunshine Dizon na umiiyak. tapos ang sabi niya, "ang umiiyak, talo." i definitely do not agree! hindi dahil sa umiiyak ang isang tao ibig sabihin hindi na siya lumalaban. oh well, hindi ko na kailangang ipaliwanag yun. kanya-kanyang pananaw kasi yan e. pero yun nga, kung ganun kahina ang tingin niyo sa mga taong umiiyak, nagkakamali kayo.

ngayon, bakit ko nasabing natutuwa ako sa sarili ko? kasi napatunayan ko kung sino at ano talaga ako. hindi ako gaya ng iniisip niya o nila. i even exceeded my expectations. alam kong malakas ako but i never thought that i was and i am THIS strong. and i know, i'm getting stronger and better each day. :D

ayun lang. bigla ko lang naisip yun. :)

seryoso na 'to, pahinga na muna. :D magandang gabi pilipinas. ^_^

on a lighter note. :D

*got this from friendster. sagot muna, pantanggal stress. :)

1. History of your password:
-- mahalagang #

2. Last text message received from:
-- GLOBE (bal inquiry) :D

3. Last time you cried:
-- kanina lang.

4. Age you want to get married:
-- 25 --> ako rin sis! :D goodluck, 2 years na lang pala yun no? ready na ba yung groom ko? waaah. (i don't wanna wait in vain for your love.. haha..)

5. Current feeling:
-- bato ako ngayon. walang pakiramdam. (defense mechanism ko yun. :D)

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS:
1. Gone on a date:
-- yes

2. Lost someone special:
-- yes

3. Been depressed:
-- yes

4. Been drunk and threw up:
-- never

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:
1. Made a new friend:
-- i guess so

2. Laughed until you cried?
-- yes

3. Met someone who changed your life:
-- this month lang? wala pa.

4. Discover who your true friends are?
-- naman!

5. Is there something you want to tell someone:
-- yes. a lot.

6. How many kids do you want to have:
-- at least 2 (1 boy, 1 girl - my anja)

7. Do you have any pets:
-- wala

8. Do you wanna change your name :
-- no. i love my name. :D

9. What did you do yesterday:
-- woke up smiling, ate a lot, studied, fixed things, sang, cried, smiled again. :D

10.Last time you had pizza:
-- feb 21, ICON (breakfast)

11.What time did you wake up today:
-- ask my boss. :D going 9 na rin yun e.

12.What were you doing at 10:30 p.m. last night:
-- talking to God.

where's 13?

14.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
-- err. meron ba? wala naman. pero marami akong gustong baguhing sitwasyon.

15.What are you listening to right now?
-- ngayon, BUTTERFLY (Mariah Carey).. oh yeah! panalo talaga mellow! :D

16.Most visited webpage?
-- mail, multiply, fs, sfcglobal, sfcinfosystem

17.Who made you sad?
-- siya

18. Who made you happy?
-- siya rin (kung sinong nagpapasaya sayo, yun din ang nagpapalungkot sayo. hayy. haha. enough of the drama. chill. :D)

19.Who are with you right now?
-- ma & pa

20. Say you were in a relationship for 2 years and your boy/girlfriend cheated on you:
-- grrr. no comment. haha.

21. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about?
-- my heart's desires.

22. Your most recent ex says he/she hates you, you say:
-- nothing. wala akong magagawa kung yun ang nararamdaman niya.

23. Are you afraid of roller coasters?:
-- no! :D

24. Would you rather go to a party in or out of town?:
-- out of town.

25. What are you supposed to be doing right now?:
-- taking a bath and preparing for clp. hehe. promise, tapusin ko lang po 'tong survey. :D

26. One wish?:
-- hay. God knows.

27. How is life going for you right now?
-- it's a roller coaster ride (with all the ups & downs, happiness & sadness...)

28. Who do you wish to see now?:
-- si boss.

29. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?:
-- hmm. hindi ako ang dapat magsabi e. basta. :D

30. Last person to comment you?:
-- sa fs, si ruth (westlife sister ko. :D)

31. Is there any meaning behind your profile song?:
-- umm, yung playlist ko sa multiply theme songs ng life ko.

32. Do you believe what comes around goes around?:
-- yes

33. What is your favorite fruit?:
-- mango! naman! ang tanging prutas na hindi ko pagsasawaan. :D

34. Do you trust people easily?:
-- hndi masyado

35. Do you give out second chances easily?:
-- it really depends.

36. Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?:
-- i love hugs from people i love.. :)

36. Done anything illegal?
-- umm. meron na rin ata.

37. Last received call.
-- invitation from bea.

38. Are you a lover or a fighter?
-- both. :D

39. What colour are your eyes?:
-- black.

40. When was the last time you went out?
-- wednesday. HLT. mamaya, CLP. :D

41. What was the last movie you saw?
-- sa moviehouse? umm.. nights in rodanthe? haha. loser no?

42. Who made you smile today?:
-- yung gumising sken kanina. :)

43. Do you smile a lot?
-- yes. ms. smiling face ata ako. haha.

>>tapos na? haha. bitin. thanks ruth for posting this! stress-reliever. :D

just another blog entry. ^_^

if i may say so, i've been through heaven and hell during the previous week. it all started last wednesday, during our ministry practice. i won't tell the details as i wouldn't want to remember the fear that i and the rest of the music min members have felt. but i tell you, it was a horrible experience. (enough said). then come friday. still going through some emotional stress, i was forced to face another heartache. for on friday noon, i learned that francis "kiko" magalona passed away. and still haven't recovered from the shocking and really heartbreaking news, i got a message from jat, the CLP team leader, telling me that he just met an accident. c'mon! i may be superwoman, but hey, i'm still human. i tried to calm myself down. i kept still. i prayed. i left home feeling ok, well at least that's how i felt (and thought).

i have always believed that everything happens for a reason. and i knew very well that what we have gone through (me, the music min, our chapter, the leaders) are all but tests of how strong we are as individuals and as a chapter. come to think of it, we've been through tremendous trials (individually and as a group) during the week of our CLP orientation. great timing right? and the finale of it all? on friday night, just when i arrived at the venue for our monthly chapter assembly, i collapsed! (oh yeah, i made a scene again. hay. most embarassing moment part 2). i really don't know why. all i know is that i suddenly felt weak (seemed like my system has crashed). i even told ate flory about it (she was the last person i talked to - through text as i travel to lifehomes). thank you to the sisters who did their best to keep me conscious. to those who held my hand and kept telling me to hold on. thank you to the brothers who carried me and rushed me to holy life (a bit of history, it was where i first got admitted because of my tummy problem). thank you to everyone who prayed for me. thank you to those who called and sent me messages. to those who paid me a visit. to everyone who worried and were concerned, many many thanks. but most especially, thank you jat, sidh, and tin. you know why i'm thanking you guys. you were the ones who stayed by me when i was lying on that bed (jat was holding my left hand, sidh was holding my right hand, and tin was holding the hot bag to keep my feet warm). you were the ones who made me laugh through the tears. i can't thank you enough. (and also to kuya don and daddy mike who were also there. ^_^)

moving on... :D so there, i wasn't able to attend the orientation that saturday night. and also, i wasn't able to serve in the mass on sunday morning. plus, i wasn't able to support the leafletting. for the nth time, i'm under house arrest. (haha. hyperbole. :D)

on monday morning, mama and i went to my doctor. my tummy missed him, i guess (because since that friday night, i've been battling against pain, and i mean extreme stomach pains. in fact, mama & papa have thought of bringing me to the hospital again but i refused to be brought there because i know they would inject something on me again and there's really a high probability that i would be advised to stay there for at least a day. and i really don't like that idea. after all that i've been through last year, i swear i have already dreaded hospitals and medicines and doctors.).

so what did my doctor say? actually, he wasn't there. hehe. he's still out of the country. dr. vergara was the one who told me that i'm sick again. and i got hit by the same illness that i had before. great great. honestly, i have already expected it. i mean, i've been there, and yes, it was the same thing as what i am going through right now. i was also informed then that it could recur especially when i experience stress. oh yeah, define stress. haha. tsk. so how's my condition? well, i'm quite good. i'm getting better each day. and one good thing i'm thankful for is, according to dr. vergara, i have a healthy heart! yehey! :D it's just that i have a very rebellious/pasaway tummy. but it's okay, i'm still the boss. and i won't tolerate it's rebellion. :D i'm taking medicines again (and an anti-stress vitamins, not stresstabs though. :D) and for two weeks, i'm on a strict diet again. no liquids other than water. that's the saddest part. :(( i can't even drink gatorade. huhu. i can choose not to follow the doctor's advise but it would still be me on the losing end - i would have to endure the pain and take the risk of getting things worse. in short, i have no choice. haha.

what did i learn? simply this: while God is busy doing His work, and while we, as God's army, are also busy fulfilling the mission assigned to us, Satan is also busy doing his thing to hinder us and keep us from getting to the "finish line". the devil is so afraid of the fact that we can and we will win the battle. and so, he's doing everything and he's using everything - even our intentions, even our prayers, even our wishes and desires to stop us from winning. his major goal is to defeat us, but no, he'll never succeed. i had told a close friend about one of my prayers which i think satan heard and used to bring me down by making me experience pain again. but poor devil, i think he still haven't realized how great and powerful my God is. he may have hit me badly, but as they say, and i love saying this, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. and with every pain, be it emotional or physical, that i am able to get through, i only get stronger and wiser and better. so thank you satan, for testing me. you only make me a better me, and guess what, you bring me closer and closer to my Creator. no, you weren't able to break my faith, you simply strengthen it. :D and no, you weren't able to stop me and my chapter and the whole community from doing God's work and bringing people closer to Him, you simply challenged us and made us more determined to fight and win. :D we won't back down. we won't surrender. we will move even farther. forward in and with Christ! ^_^

let me end this post with these words from the late master rapper. (i'll leave the interpretation to you. the wisdom that i got may be different from yours. :D) he has inspired a lot. he made the filipinos proud. he had lived a full life. and just like him, i am also ready to fight and win a happy battle. (i may post something about him soon. i swear i still have a lot to share. :D)

"My motto in life is to be a sponge. I absorb everything." -FM

P.S. you may wonder, where's the "heaven part" of my week? well, everything that made my week is part of my experience of heaven. :)

and another P.S. :D i have also learned that nagging doesn't help in any way. haha. sorry girlfriends, i really have to say this. i do appreciate your concern, but please, do not nag. i'm sorry if i was a nagger too (though i don't think i was. :D). but hey, i realized that it's just so irritating. especially when everyone's doing it already. mama nags. then i'll receive a message from a girlfriend asking about my condition. then i'll tell her about what happened. then she nags. then another girlfriends texts and nags. my goodness. hehe. i know you love me, but even if you say that you nag with love, still, it won't change the fact that you nag. haha. i'm really sorry. i'm not really a girl. i don't support nagging. :D mwah! love you girls! :D