on being alone..

this post is about nothingness.. i have so many things in mind.. so many that i can't decide which one to think of first.. my life is such a mess right now.. and i can't seem to fix things up.. or rather, i don't have the means to fix them right now.. i'm hanging by a moment.. i'm holding on to something which doesn't even seem to exist.. what am i going to do now? let go? hold on? stay put? move on?

see? i don't have anything but questions..

and i don't feel anything but alone..

the karma test..

Unaiza, in the last year you've earned 926 karma points!

You've earned these points by doing good things, therefore allowing good things to circle back to you. There are 6 different ways people earn karma, and by looking at your responses to this test, we can tell that your compassionate nature is earning you the most karma.In fact, you seem to have a real knack for both understanding what people are going through and finding ways to support them during difficult times. By being a sensitive person with a keen sense of empathy, you can do much to alleviate others' pain. This has been an important way you've earned your karma up to this point. This kindness strengthens your current relationships but suggests it will come back to you positively in the future. Through your concerted efforts to care about and tend to the needs of others, you generate good karma for yourself and the universe.


>>i hope this is true..

tickle tests.. all about relationships. hmmm..

Unaiza, your relationship destiny is to Find a Fairy Tale Ending

Cinderella, Snow White — those ladies knew what they were doing. And like these fairy tale heroines, you're a princess at heart who believes that love really does make the world go round. Of course, you're not waiting to be swept off on someone's white horse — you're a modern gal who's not afraid to do a little rescuing yourself.Independent and confident, you're not about to rely on fate to give you what you want. You've got the drive and spirit to pursue your dreams and find your own destiny. And you're sure to bump into Prince Charming along the way. That's a happy ending!

Unaiza, the thing you need most in a relationship is Deep Connection

In your ideal relationship you and your partner would be deeply and passionately connected. This sense of intimacy is really important for you. As is the need for certain rules and an understanding of who wields the power in your relationship. But regardless of how this works, your deep need for this kind of closeness will ultimately drive your relationship.

Unaiza, your romantic pattern is Second Chances!

The Second Chances pattern is rooted in nostalgia — whether you're longing for the ex you haven't seen in a year, or are reminiscing about the crush you never connected with 10 years ago. But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: A longing to recapture someone or something that can reconnect you to a time in your life when love was a larger focus.Whether you do it consciously or not, most people who migrate towards the Second Chances pattern either want to revise a past decision, confront someone they couldn't at the time, or revert back to a specific point in time.This romantic pattern is repeated more times than you could imagine. Take the film "Peggy Sue Got Married," for instance. In it, a housewife faints at her high school reunion and wakes up in her senior year at high school with the chance to change her destiny. The root of your pattern too, may arise from these feelings, that you need to reconnect with a time in your life when love was a larger focus of your life and responsibilities were much fewer.But it also might stem from other things as well. Your romantic pattern may arise out of regret for the past, or a desire to go back when things were easier. Did you have a particularly easy, fun adolescence? Have you recently suffered a loss — perhaps a divorce or the death of a loved one — that's made you long for the period before that incident? Are you acutely aware that decisions carry with them a strong impact? Do you spend a lot of time analyzing your decisions, going over things you've said or done in your mind. Or are you simply sentimental, in love with old books and classic films, as well as your own memories? It's no wonder this is such a common romantic pattern. How many films feature starlets staring off dreamily into a recollection of days past? How question books reveal a heroes and heroines kept apart in the beginning, only to find themselves together at the end?Romantic films and books often use this archetypal pattern of paradise lost and regained to create some of the greatest love stories of all time. "Casablanca" is one of the greatest renditions of this romantic pattern. In it Rick, played by Humphrey Bogart, is haunted by a brief romance with Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman), shattered by circumstances beyond their control. "The Way We Were," another classic, follows a similar story line. In "American Beauty," Kevin Spacey plays a man who tries to recapture his youth through an affair with a teenage girl. These patterns are so powerful precisely because they are so easy to relate to. This historical romantic pattern overpowers everybody at one point or another. How this tried and true pattern plays out in individual lives, varies from person to person.

blessing called friends..

these are among the few people who really understand me.. and i love them..

lessons from asia's story/wake me up when september ends

i'm doing this essay for my ES10 class, sort of an explanation why we left early last meeting.. for the past 8 days of September, life hasn't been that good to me.. as a matter of fact, parang nakakaloko nga eh..i will no longer enumerate those hurtful, disappointing, pathetic situations.. i can't cry hard enough as the song goes..just think of it this way, "when it rains, it pours!" in my case, i wasn't showered with blessings, but with heartaches! i don't know if you know the feeling of being misunderstood..well, that's exactly how i feel right now..i am very much misunderstood.. i really don't know, but life has been throwing scraps on me.. hindi ko alam kung anong gustong ipahiwatig ng mga kalokohang ito..but one thing's for sure, i am at the lowest position that i could get in this life.. as far as the current situation is concerned.. ayoko ng isipin kung ano pang pwedeng mangyari.. wake me up when september ends.. because it seems that there's more.. and i don't know when exactly this would end..

its quite late already, but i'm still awake.. i just finished watching asia's story featured in Magpakailanman.. and i think i like her now more than ever.. i like the way she thinks..well, i really don't like everything about her but she's definitely an inspiration.. dahil na rin siguro sa mga pinagdaanan niya, ang dami niyang lessons na natutunan, especially on love and relationships.. like what she said, you should not give everything you have to your partner unless you're sure that he's already the one you're destined to be with.. may iba-ibang levels of love daw.. and the highest level is true love - when you're already decided to spend the rest of your life with that person..hindi rin daw hinahanap ang pag-ibig.. because true love lies deep in our hearts.. oh well.. matagal ko na ring alam yan.. pero bakit parang wala pa rin akong alam?

hindi ko na alam kung kaya ko pa 'to.. but i believe that everything happens for a reason.. God must have something important to teach me..
for now, ayoko na.. suko na ako.. nakakatawa na.. parang nananadya talaga.. tama na.. hindi ko na kaya..
i've cried more than a thousand drops of tears already.. ilang beses ko na bang sinabi na sawa na ako? ewan..
don't mind me.. this post is just my outlet.. dehins ko na keri to mga dude.. pagod na ako..
"ibuhos na ang beer sa aking lalamunan.. upang malunod na ang puso kong nahihirapan.." -beer, itchyworms
sana lang kaya kong uminom.. kaso amoy pa lang hilo na ako.. kaya dito ko na lang ibubuhos lahat.. dito, malaya ako..

because i own this blog, i could never be misunderstood..

i don't care if nobody understands, i don't care if nobody cares..

just let me write.. please allow me to write..