Fairy Tales

i have a 'soft' inner self

2009-10-19T16:43:00.000+08:00

..according to quizilla.com

Your inner self is soft underneath. You might not realize it but sometimes, it takes over. You tend to get hurt easily & quickly but shake it off just as quick as it came. You can't help but think twice before doing anything. Because you just don't look at things in one point of view but from two point of view.You're both ying & yang. Outside, you might be one tough cookie but inside you're just a soft, caring innocent person.

i am not perfect

2009-10-14T17:28:00.004+08:00

*i make mistakes. a lot.

*i mistyped a lot of words already. (binasa ko nga uli yung ilang blog posts ko at natawa na lang ako kasi maraming mali. haha. nakakahiya. but that just proves that really, i am human. :D)

*ilang beses na rin akong na-late ng gising, and consequently, late na rin sa school/work (gaya kanina. tsk. opo "isnabero", aalis na ako ng maaga. :D)

*may memory gap din ako. tsk. signs of aging. haha. kaya nga i have my daily planner and "to-do list" e. not because i am simply organized, but because i have poor memory. hehe.

*i've been fooled, not just once, but twice. tsk. i can hear papa saying, "taga-UP." (you know, that insulting tone. pinaikling version ng, "taga-UP tapos ganyan? anong klaseng taga-UP yan?" of course pabiro lang naman yung pagkakasabi niya. pero ganun na rin yun. oh well. hehe.

*lamigin ako. super. as in right this moment, i am already shivering. kamusta naman kasi ang aircon dito sa office. para kameng nasa freezer. waah. sabi nga ni sir erick, he understands na kailangan ng computers ng cold temperature, but hey, we're humans! hindi po kame computers. maawa kayo, patayin niyo na ang aircon!!!! grrrrr.

*messing with me means messing with a tiger. really, i bite. haha. joke lang. mahaba ang pasensiya ko pero pag napuno ako, punong-puno talaga. if looks could kill, marami na akong na-murder. haha. kalokohan lang 'to. mabait talaga ako. nagkukunwaring mataray lang para di mapagkamalang weak. ang kaso ang tingin naman saken ngayon e super strong. nagbago na raw ako, di na ako gaya ng dati. well, nagbago na talaga ako. marunong na akong lumaban ngayon. :D

*soprano ako. hmm, you might wonder, anong negative dun? well, masyado daw mataas ang boses ko. parang laging galit. oh yeah. yun lang. next item. hehe.

*wala akong kwentang ka-text. :D promise, wala talaga. pasensya na. ilang beses ko na bang natulugan yung kausap ko? haha. sorry. :( sobrang pagod lang talaga. you know, busy. artista e. hehe. seriously, wala talaga kayong maaasahan pag ako katext niyo. kaya nga siguro naholdap ako e. (huh?! connection? :D) nung isang gabi lang kausap ko yung high school buddy ko na sobrang tagal ko ng hindi nakakausap. tapos ayun, natulugan ko siya. at hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa siya uli natext. tsk. sorry ralph. ganito kasi, let me explain. :D ang phone ko ay ginagamit ko lang para sa information dissemination. as in pang-text brigade lang. kasi nga during work, hindi naman ako makatext dahil tambak ang trabaho. after work, sobrang pagod na. before work, tulog din ako sa biyahe. well, except kanina. kaya yun. isa pa, isnabera din kasi ako minsan. hehe. sorry naman.

there, i said it na. hindi ako perfect. BUT, i am blessed. i am wonderfully made. i am God's wonderful artifact. i am a princess. i am a child of God. and most of all, i am loved. :)

so what's this post all about? wala lang. kaninang umaga ko pa naisip yung post na 'to e. ayaw akong tantanan ng thought. hehe.

i miss blogging. i miss this.

i hope to write as frequent as possible. actually, i'm planning to set up another blog. haha. i just can't get enough of them. hehe. basta, may mga major changes kasi sa life ko starting tomorrow e. tomorrow is another year. happy new year to me. :)

i can't wait to make things happen. but why wait anyway? i'll make things happen. now. :D

God bless everyone. :)

be happy. God loves you.

for those who want to know...

2009-10-09T23:32:00.004+08:00

i hope everyone's well and safe. i don't know how to begin. but i don't intend to post a very long entry because i know you guys are all busy, just as i am.

i'm sure everyone heard the news about how destructive ondoy and pepeng were. for those who have been worried about me and my family, thank you so much for the concern. yes, we were not spared from ondoy's wrath, but we're all okay, alive and well.

we stayed on the ceiling just to have a dry place to step on. it was the first time. since we moved here in 1986, never were we flooded. i mean, never THIS high. we were not able to save our appliances, except for the computer which my brother couldn't afford to lose. it was the first thing he secured. thank God the water didn't reach the topmost cabinet on the master's bedroom.

i was able to take pictures from my phone and they can be found here. (sorry for the low quality of the pictures.)

oh well. life goes on. and through it all, i am so very thankful to everyone who prayed for us and helped us in every way they can. titos, titas, friends, from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU!

guys, i'm really sorry if i lost touched with you. as i mentioned in my previous entry, i was held up. i lost my phone. i lost my contacts. i'm really sorry.

for those who have my new number but was not able to contact me during the storm, my apologies, i didn't have signal (thanks to Globe. tsk.).

again, to everyone, i hope you guys are safe and healthy. thank you for all the prayers and concern. let's continue to pray for and help one another.

*be still, know that there is GOD.*

P.S.
guys, please email me (here) your contact numbers. hope to hear from you soon. miss you people! :)

good night and God bless. :)

tomorrow is a new day.

by the way, i update my twitter more often. (it's the only social networking site i access in the office.) follow me at: http://twitter.com/bosstink

long story..

2009-09-06T21:32:00.000+08:00

bad news: i was held up.. in UP.. a place i consider my territory.. =(
i still can't believe until now how everything happened. nung lumapit saken yung lalakeng yun at sinabing kailangan niya ng cellphone ko, akala ko makikitext lang. pero nung tinutukan na niya ako at sinabing sasaksakin ako pag di ko binigay yung phone, dun ko lang na-realize na hinoholdap na pala ako. nag-isip pa akong lumaban, tumakbo. kaso may motor na nakaabang (hindi ko nakita yung itsura ng lalakeng nagmamaneho ng motor kasi naka-helmet siya). naisip ko ring pag sinaksak niya ako, mabilis akong mauubusan ng dugo. at ayoko talaga ng madugong kamatayan. pwede ko ring sabihin sa kanya na wala akong cellphone. kaso lang baka lalo niya akong saktan. at baka pati bag ko kunin pa niya. so ang ending, sa sobrang nerbiyos ko, binigay ko na lang yung phone. wala na ako sa wisyo after that. lakad takbo na yung ginawa ko. salamat kay hazel at robert na naiyakan ko. hindi na tuloy ako nakapunta sa Christ the King. nagsabi pa naman ako kay Kuya Josef na darating ako. =( ang huling katext ko bago ako bumaba ng jeep ay si marshee. pinag-uusapan pa namin yung plano naming get-together ng tweet2. hay. until now, habang nagtatype ako, tumutulo pa rin yung luha ko. nakakasama ng loob. 6 years na akong may cellphone pero never pa akong nanakawan. sobrang maingat akong tao. matapang din ako at malakas ang loob. kaya parang kalokohan lahat ng nangyari. madaya e. wala akong laban.
pagdating ko sa Rosario, si Kuya Don at Ate Fel ang naabutan ko. at syempre, iyak na naman ako sa kanila. hindi pa kasi nauubos yung nerbiyos at trauma ko. kahit pa the whole time kausap ko lang si God, hindi ko pa rin lubos maisip na wala na nga yung phone ko. at oo naholdap nga ako.
salamat kay Jess sa pagiging sweet and thoughtful. nadatnan niya kasi akong umiiyak. bumaba siya. at nagulat na lang ako pag-akyat niya may dala na siyang donuts. wag na raw akong umiyak. ang importante raw safe ako. such a sweet guy. ayun, pinagsaluhan namin yung donuts. hindi lang ako ang nakinabang, pati na rin yung ibang service team. kapatid, salamat talaga!
malungkot. sobra. naninibago ako. kaninang umaga, inabot ko pa rin yung lagayan ko ng phone. only to realize na wala na nga pala akong phone. =( hay.

pero everything happens for a reason diba? so eto naman ang good news...

i realized a couple of things.. sa tulong na rin ng mga taong nakiramay sa pagkawala ng phone ko..

yung phone na yun ay witness sa maraming pangyayari sa buhay ko. kasama ko yun sa lahat ng panahon. yun ang orasan ko, reminder, organizer, lahat na. pero tama si Kuya Don, may mga kailangan na akong i-let go sa phone na yun.

pa'no ko ba ipapaliwanag? parang ganito.. yung kwento namin ni mae (soul sister ko). last year, during the MMC, dun kame officially naging friends. at dahil gusto kong magkaroon kame ng picture together, i needed to erase some photos dun sa camera. but what happened was, nabura lahat ng laman ng camera na yun. iniyakan ko yun pero ang realization ko dun, if i want to start anew, i need to let go of certain things.

i believe eto rin ang message ni God ngayon, sa pagkawala ng phone ko.

friends, i'm beginning to reach my dreams. little by little. and ngayon, i'm undergoing the Discernment Program for SFC Mission Volunteers. maraming magbabago sa buhay ko after ng 3 months na training at discernment. at ngayon pa lang, alam kong hinahanda na ako ni Lord.

may ilang buwan na rin akong nagdarasal para sa isang bagay. at sa pagkawala ng phone ko, ang nasabi ko na lang, "eto na yun. eto na yung sagot ni God."

i continue to pray for God's message sa lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. basta ang alam ko lang, God knows best. and He has the perfect plan for me. =)

to robert and to kuya don, thank you for these words:
robert - "ok lang yan. ang cellphone napapalitan. ikaw, hindi."
kuya don - "sis, maybe God wants you to let go of some people in that phone. malay mo hindi sila makakabuti sa'yo."

nakakatuwang isipin. nakaplano na talaga ang pagbili ko ng bagong phone. lagi lang nadedelay kasi may mga biglaang gastos o di kaya may mga pangangailangan sa bahay o sa pag-aaral ng kapatid ko na kailangan kong tugunan. pero eto, wala na akong choice kundi bumili na talaga. ganun din yung nangyari sa eyeglasses ko. nasa listahan ko na rin yun ng "things to buy". kaso nga lagi kong pinagpapaliban. hanggang sa nasira na lang siya. so wala na naman akong choice. haha. hay. sabi siguro ni God, "ang kulit mo talagang bata ka. akala Ko ba, gusto mo na ng bago? e bakit hindi mo pa rin pinapakawalan yung luma? hindi mo kaya? Ako ang gagawa para sa'yo."

naalala ko tuloy yung isang scenario sa Discovery Weekend namin. may isang activity dun na hindi ko pwedeng sabihin yung details. pero basta may kailangan kameng gawin. may isang sister na hindi kayang gawin yung pinapagawa. sa totoo lang, lahat naman talaga kame hesitant. pero ginawa pa rin namin. sa lahat ng nandun, siya lang ang hindi gumawa ng task. so nilapitan siya ng speaker/facilitator para gawin yung task para sa kanya.

sa buhay naten, may mga bagay tayong gustong makamit, mabago, maranasan. may mga lugar tayong gustong marating. pero kung hindi tayo gagalaw, at hindi tayo handang iwanan yung kasalukuyan nateng kinalalagyan, wala tayong mararating.

the Lord wants the best for us. He wants to bless us. pero ready na ba tayong tanggapin yung blessings Niya? how can He fill us with His grace when we are already full of other things? yun ang napagnilayan ko sa nangyari saken. hinahanda lang ako ni God sa mas malaki at maganda Niyang plano sa buhay ko. it has always been my prayer for Him to take away what's wrong in my life, whatever that may hinder me from becoming the person that He wants me to be. at sinagot na Niya yung prayer ko. i can see everything falling into place. my surrendering of the responsibilities i once held sa chapter, my undergoing of the discernment program, and my losing of one of the most important things in my life, my phone.

God can only fill us when we're empty. We can only receive His blessings when there's enough room in our hearts and in our lives. We need to let go of some things for us to gain much greater things.

lahat ng nawawala, may kapalit na mas maganda. =)

"Rather, new wine must be poured into fresh wineskins." Luke 5:38

"For that same reason, the one who is in Christ is a new creature. For him the old things have passed away; a new world has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17

"You must give up the former way of living, the old self, whose deceitful desires bring self-destruction. Renew yourselves spiritually, from inside, and put on the new self, or self according to God, that is created in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24

friends, you can reach me through email muna ha? baka sa payday pa ako makabili ng bagong phone.

tweet2, especially marshee, i really hope masulit naten yung long weekend next next week. balitaan niyo ako ha?

love & miss you friends. i'll see you soon!

good day world! ^_^

praise God

2009-08-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

..for the so many wonderful things and the so many big and small surprises.. ^_^

1. after 30 long years, finally, as in finally, we were able to find a relative, a cousin that is, from my father's side. for those who know my father's story, you would understand why it was that huge an experience for us to be able to speak with another Garnica. such a dream a come. never had i seen papa this happy. and the more important thing is that we found out that his parents are still alive! hooray! and i know, and i claim that come November (that's the latest), they'll be reunited again. i'll find a way. i know God will make it happen. because He knows that if there's one thing in papa's life that's missing, it's the warmth and comfort of his parents' embrace. friends, please please continue to pray for us, especially for resources, and please please pray for my grandparents' health as well. =) thank you very much. =)

2. blessed and powerful and smooth-flowing Christian Life Program. =) from the participants, to the speakers and sharers, to the core team and the service team.. there are some glitches, of course, but every session ends well. so, to that force trying to stop God's work, you can try but you'll never win against God. you can hurt me, do me harm, put me in danger, but no, you can never ever stop me, because i'm telling you with conviction, GOD IS MY STRENGTH! ^_^

3. ate gemma, dearest she, and sistah cat. i know they know why i am so thankful to have them as my sisters and to be able to share my deepest sentiments with them during our household meetings. thank you sisters. =)

4. tweet2. westlife sisters. mae. tin. shy. bez. i haven't seen them for a long time now, but i know, and i can confidently say that they are my friends, best friends, no matter what. =)

5. SFC Chorale Manila. singing with them keeps me inspired, makes me strive to be better, and most of all, fills my heart with joy and contentment. =)

6. good working relationship with my officemates. sharing a good laugh with them makes each day worthwhile, no matter how busy and toxic that day may be. =)

7. best family. need i say more? =)

8. gift of work (sidelines included. :D). need i say more again? =)

9. wisdom. inspiration. little joys. laughter. sleep. rest. relaxation. freedom. security. health. love. answered prayers (most especially for others).

10. life itself. and time. yes, i praise God for time. =)

the list goes on and on and on... truly, if we'll just learn to appreciate even the little blessings, then we'll never run out of things to thank and praise God for. =)

in this battle i'm on, my armor & strength is 2 Timothy 4:16-18. At my first hearing in court no one supported me; all deserted me. May the Lord not hold it against them. But the Lord was at my side, giving me strength to proclaim the Word fully, and let all the pagans hear it. So I was rescued from the lion's mouth. The Lord will save me from all evil, bringing me to His heavenly kingdom. Glory to Him forever and ever. Amen.

end of post. good night and God bless people! ^_^

~*all glory and honor and praise
be to the ancient of days
i praise You, i worship You
my Lord and my King on high*~

hindi ako pababayaan ng Panginoon

2009-08-16T19:54:00.000+08:00

.. yan ang paulit-ulit na binanggit ni Father sa homily niya kanina. we heard the same homily twice, maybe because God knows perfectly that we NEEDED to hear that affirmation. today is the last day of our leafleting for the current CLP, which kuya rhed and i lead. and i personally thank everyone who supported. :)

i've been quiet for almost a month now. just last night, i checked my journal only to realize that i haven't written anything since july 22. sad. =(am i really that busy? i guess so.

i work full time as web maintenance & admin personnel for a company in Ortigas. i work part-time (project-based) as rewriter/writer for an online firm. and just today, i started working part-time as tutor. i sing in two choirs, i serve in the chapter, and i lead the CLP.

one of my girl friends asked, "kasya ba ang 24 oras sa'yo?" well, amazingly, kasya pa naman. kahit pano nakakatulog pa naman ako. :D

still another friend commented, "sulit na sulit ang buhay mo." oh yes, walang nasasayang na oras sa akin. dahil ang totoo, wala na talaga akong bakanteng oras. minsan nga sobrang tuliro na ako kung anong uunahin at kung paano ko pagkakasyahin ang 24 oras sa lahat ng kailangan kong gawin, puntahan, at kausapin. pero you might ask, "kelangan mo ba talagang gawin yan lahat unaiza?" honestly, OO.

kaya ko naman. at sa totoo lang, masaya naman ako. nakakapagod syempre pero basta God has never failed to inspire and empower me naman kaya go lang. nakakatuwa lang kung paano kumilos si God. alam Niya talaga kapag malapit na akong bumigay e. during the Orientation, tinamaan ako sa sinabi ni Tito Noel. naniniwala raw tayo na walang ibibigay si God na problema na hindi naten kaya. pero during trying times, we find ourselves praying, "Lord, hindi ko na kaya!" totoo. guilty ako. dati. pero habang umiigting ang battle na kinakaharap ko, mas lalo rin akong tumitibay. minsan, tinatanong ko rin sa sarili ko kung pano ko kinakaya lahat. but of course, i can never claim na kinaya ko lahat on my own strength. i have God. and i remember yung "footprints in the sand", hindi ko lang basta kasama si God, He carries me as well.

at ngayon, kung kelan sobrang bigat ng dinadala ko, ngayon pinaalala ni God na kailanman, hindi Niya ako pababayaan. sabi nga ni Father, iwanan ka man sa ere at kalimutan ng mga tao, ang Panginoon, kahit kailan, hindi ka pababayaan.

and that's what i'm holding on to. people tend to forget promises, but God does keep them. sa mundong ito, hindi lahat ng mabuti sayo e kakampi mo hanggang huli. may mga taong akala mo mapagkakatiwalaan mo pero ang totoo, sila pa pala ang unang tumitira tayo patalikod. may mga taong akala mo pwede mong asahan pero hindi pala. there'll come a time when disappointment will be your friend. hehe. friend na talaga e no? e kasi lagi mo na siyang kasama at nararamdaman e. pero hindi lang naten dapat kalimutan na friend man naten si disappointment, best friend naman naten si God. =)

"hindi ako pababayaan ng Panginoon!" yan ang mantra ko ngayon. at yan ang katotohanan. ^_^

dami ko pa sana gustong i-share. pero yan lang ang pinayagan ng oras ko. next time na uli. :D

God bless everyone!

Friends, i love & miss you. i hope you know that. babawi ako. =)

God in my Life.

2009-08-14T20:16:00.000+08:00

God be in my eyes and in my looking;

God be in my ears and in my listening;

God be in my mouth and in my speaking;

God be in my hand and in my working;

God be in my feet and in my walking;

God be in my mind and in my knowing;

God be in my heart and in my loving;

God be in my life and in my living.

AMEN.

*got this from Father Xavier during his MMC talk. :)

On this day

2009-06-21T21:54:00.000+08:00

God wants me to know....

...... that God has an important purpose for me, and made everything possible for me to succeed.

"That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success." - Facebook App

And this is the exact message that I need. Indeed, God knows. ^_^

nothing important

2009-06-04T22:58:00.000+08:00

nasanay lang ako na after manood ng One Liter of Tears e mag-oonline at magbblog bago matulog. :D

hmm. ano bang sasabihin ko ngayon? wala naman. magkukwento na lang muna ako.

once upon a time, in a land so far away, there lived a beautiful princess...

wahaha! nagkwento talaga??? at mukhang fairy tale pa ang balak ikwento. hehe. :D

seryoso na. ^_^

halos buong araw na umulan. at hanggang sa ngayon e umuulan pa with matching kulog at kidlat na super hate ko. kaya naman gusto ko ng tapusin ito, pumasok na sa kwarto at matulog. hehe. takot lang talaga ako sa kidlat. at lahat ng malapit sken, alam yun. (kasi may secret ako, secret lang ha? ganito kasi yun, nung buntis si mama saken, muntik na siyang tamaan ng kidlat, AS IN! kaya yun, takot ako sa kidlat. hehe. may konek ba yun? ewan. basta ganun. :D)

anyway, nagugustuhan ko na ang Book ni Tobit sa Old Testament. dun kasi uli galing yung 1st reading for today. nakakatuwa kasi tungkol naman yun kay Sara (from yesterday's reading) at sa anak ni Tobit na si Tobias. remember may curse si Sara? anyone she marries dies on the eve of the wedding. hanggang sa eto na nga, dumating si Tobias. umm, i suggest basahin niyo na lang yung kwento na nila. cool, promise! hindi boring. tinapos ko nga hanggang dulo ng chapter 10 e. kahit hindi na yun kasama sa reading for today. hehe. nakaka-inspire din kasi si Tobias talaga yung nakalaan para kay Sara. so sa mga single pa diyan, gaya ko, don't despair, God is still preparing the best for us kaya wait lang tayo (patiently and prayerfully). ^_^ onga pala, speaking of waiting, nakakatawa yung result ng quiz sa Facebook. haha. akalain niyong December 31, 2010 daw ang wedding date ko?! harhar. how would that be possible e wala pa nga akong boyfriend?! haller?! kaya sa groom-to-be ko, paramdam ka na, dali! malelate na tayo sa kasal naten! haha. :))

ay onga pala, eto na yung chapters. pasensya naman, muntik ko ng makalimutan. pasaway na facebook kasi yan. haha. sinisi pa ang facebook. pero promise, nakakatuwang sumagot ng quizzes dun. :D

Tobit 6:10-11, 7:1.9-17; 8:4-9.

ayun. tapos, ano pa bang nangyari? hmm. after lunch, kahit medyo maulan pa rin at medyo feeling ko tinatrangkaso na ako (minus lagnat), humayo (naks! ang lalim, humayo talaga. hehe.) ako at tumungo sa munisipyo ng Cainta. kukuha dapat ako ng Certified True Copy ng Birth Certificate ko kasi hindi tinanggap yung Authenticated Birth Certificate ko sa DFA (malabo raw kasi yung surname. fine.). sa mga hindi nakakaalam, sa Cainta talaga ako pinanganak. dun kasi kame dati. sa St. Francis. pagdating ko sa Registrar, nalungkot naman ako sa sinabi ni Ate. "Naku, 1986 ka, wala na kameng record niyan e. Kasama sa mga nasunog. 1985, 1986, 1987." waaaaaaaaaaaaah! ang saklap naman! alam kong nagkaroon ng sunog dati sa munisipyo pero ni sa hinagap e hindi ko man lang naisip na kasama sa mga nasunog yung Birth Certificate ko. kamusta naman yun? bakit naman birth year ko pa??!! :(( pero syempre, wala na akong magagawa pa. hay. so kelangan kong pumunta sa NSO. goodluck! hindi ba't napakaraming tao lagi dun?! at nag-uuulan pa. goodluck talaga! oh well, that's life. :D

ano ang mga nagpasaya sa araw ko? mga tao, mga bagay, kung ano-ano lang. hehe. mababaw lang naman kaligayahan ko e.

salamat pala kay ate ghen. grabe, kinarir namin ang pagdadaldalan sa telepono kanina. haha.

ayan. yan lang. walang kwenta no? hehe. e kasi naman pag dumaldal pa ako ng dumaldal, malamang hindi na ako matapos. hehe.

onga pala, nasa Pilipinas na si Mancao. tapos 29 na ang confirmed cases ng influenza A(H1N1), 2 dun ay exchange students sa DLSU. tapos may tumamang buhawi sa Barangay UP Campus, along C. P. Garcia. at ayon sa PAGASA, katumbas daw yun ng hangin ng signal # 4 na bagyo. tapos, break na ng Senado. magbabakasyon daw muna ang mga senador. tapos yung Air France plane na bumagsak, no signs of life pa rin daw pero hopeful pa rin yung families ng mga pasahero, lalo na ng nag-iisang pinoy dun. sabi ng pamilya niya, bilang isang seaman, tiwala raw sila na alam niya kung anong dapat gawin sa mga ganung trahedya. ako rin may tiwala sa kakayahan ng pinoy. survivors ata tayo! at higit sa lahat, naniniwala ako sa power ng prayer. kaya sa lahat ng mga balitang ito, at sa lahat ng mga nangyayari sa paligid naten, ang pinakamabisang pantapat ay ang panalangin. God is alive and He hears us and He knows best. ^_^

ang lamig. sarap matulog. pero pray muna.

good night Philippines! ^_^

fixing me

2009-06-03T19:54:00.000+08:00

FIX YOU - COLDPLAY

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Today, I heard God singing that song to me. (And me singing, "how sweet it is to be loved by You", to Him. ^_^)

And nothing feels better than knowing that I am loved by no less than God!

I feel good! I feel great! :D

Yesterday, I talked to two people, a leader, and a best friend. And I was so surprised at how he (the best friend) talked, how he uttered every word, how he analyzed things - he's simply amazing. I've never seen him that calm, that serious, and that full of positive energy. Indeed, God knows. And He knows that I need someone like him (the best friend), and so He sent him to me. Before he left, he told me to think about everything, to still ask for God's wisdom, to talk to Him in prayer. I told him that I already know what to do. But he disagreed. Why? Because according to him, he still sees the hurt and the anger in my eyes. Oh, he knows me THAT well.

This morning, I woke up refreshed and renewed. I reached for my In His Steps to look for today's readings.

Here's what I found: Tobit 3:1-11, 16-17 (Prayer of Tobit and Sara's misfortune).

And I am so thankful that the Bible that I have has discussions on the message of the verses. Here's the discussion for the above reading:

On Tobit's prayer:

"He (Tobit) has dedicated his life in faithfulness to God and now finds himself poor, blind, and even insulted by his wife Anna. How does he react? He presents his problem to God without complaining about anyone, not even about his wife.

In the Bible we repeatedly see that God tests us before granting us a special favor. We will really understand when we hear what Christ says to the disciples of Emmaus: "Did not the Messiah have to suffer all this to enter into His glory?" (Luke 24:26).

He is in solidarity with his sinner people and finds it just to be punished, even though he asks to be freed from this punishment.

He feels incapable of fighting alone in life, and asks for death, but leaves everything in God's hands.

His prayer is to ask for strength and the ability to fulfill what God says and demands and not to present to God his own plan and ask Him to realize it, as we often do when we pray."

On Sara's misfortune:

"When we find ourselves in Sara's situation, we immediately blame God.

Sara thinks about her problem and, in thinking, she sees that she must change her mind and must not ask for death. When we look at one isolated event in life, we can despair, but if we look at the whole, we will always find some reason to keep on struggling.

Sara's reason to keep on living is her love for her father and her desire to give him heirs.

Whenever there is despair it is because we look only at one aspect of life as, for example, the economic aspect. Oftentimes, someone who fights for a cause, or a ruler, wants to give up everything because he is being criticized, without looking at all the good he would not accomplish if he quit."

This afternoon, I told Mama that I can look her directly in the eyes and tell her I'm okay. She asked me why. I replied, "because I already know what to do."

With that, I end this post. ^_^

Good night, Philippines! ^_^

1st day of the 6th month..

2009-06-01T22:58:00.002+08:00

just a quick summary of my day..

woke up at around 10am.

found myself alone.

talked to God in prayer.

had my brunch.

opened the computer.

searched for an inspiration, something to laugh at, or just anything to read.

applied for a passport online.

updated the infosystem.

made financial report.

checked mail.

submitted articles.

got a message from Sir G telling me that the training will be next week.

got several messages.

replied to some.

got a hug from our angel Sam.

talked to the "sponge" of my life - the only person i could talk to about anything.

took a nap.

had dinner with my brother.

watched One Liter of Tears. (how hard it is for parents to see their children suffer. now i understand why mama and papa feel the way they feel.)

about to sleep in a few minutes with a smile in my heart. ^_^

today is a lovely day. good night Philippines! ^_^

i deserve God's best

2009-05-31T23:29:00.000+08:00

checked my email tonight and was able to read Kuya Ryan's post about the online workshop registration for this year's MMC. i clicked on the link which led me to the SFC Global site. i browsed through the articles with no intention but to just browse. but everything happens for a reason, and in every little thing, God speaks. and tonight, He spoke to me through the article posted by Ate Kate Deiparine, written by Dolly Macam.

God spoke to me powerfully in this paragraph:
"Let us not settle for relationships that hurt more than heal; careers that makes us miserable; friendships that alienate us from God and our families; habits that lead us closer to death’s door than to the purposeful life God meant for us; pursuits that benefit no one but ourselves; and lives that are not patterned after God’s wonderful plan!"

after everything that i've been through in the last few weeks, there's no place i'd rather be than home (where my true family is), no person i'd rather be with than mama, papa, arnold, and a few true friends, and no other love i'd rather feel than God's unwavering, unconditional, and everlasting love, the kind of love which demands nothing, that which does not root from just a need, love, in its truest sense.

truly, i deserve nothing but the best, nothing but God's best. why would i settle for less?

i am a woman. i am not just some THING. i was made by God to love and be loved.

days ago, i received this message: "kapag pinapakita mo na kaya mo tanggapin lahat, mas lalo ka nilang sasaktan kasi iniisip nila na kaya mo naman dahil strong ka."

i am strong, but i am not emotionless, no matter how hard i wish i am.
i am strong, but i am not insensitive as others are (i know many of them).
i am strong, but that doesn't mean you can hurt me endlessly.

i am strong, that's why i'm moving forward with no intention to look back. i can't turn back time. if only toni braxton had found a way to unbreak a heart, uncry the tears, and undo the hurts, i would ask her to teach me how. but i guess she hasn't yet. i just don't think it's possible. but what i know is it's possible to have a future way way different from what WAS and IS. and i am determined to have that. and i am starting NOW.

today is the last day of my life (coincidentally also the last of the month), and the first day of my BETTER LIFE.

God made me realize everything little by little. everyday, something happens. His message came in the form of quotes, verses, situations, people, stress, frustrations, and even hurts and pains.

and today, May 31, my parents' 23rd wedding anniversary, God sent me not one, not two, but three life-changing messages:

1. Be with people who know your worth. You don't need too many people to be happy. Just a few real ones who appreciate you for who you are.

2. Sometimes, you have to fight for something to make everything alright. You give your best and you give your all, yet you still lose. But if ever you get tired, tell Jesus, He'll take the fight and win it all for you.

3. You deserve God's best.

thanks to Annie, Mhalen, Shezha, Marshee, and Kuya Ryan who allowed themselves to be my angels today.

and to Ate Eden, for checking on me. (at least somebody cared. okay, i was wrong when i told She that i feel like nobody cares and nobody ever did care. there's somebody - there's Ate Eden and of course there's THEM ^_^)

and to THEM - my family (mama, papa, arnold). they're among God's best.

Kuya Ryan's blog post for today is entitled, "The Best May 31 Ever". i thought it was the opposite for me, but with all the realizations, with everything that God has revealed to me, i would say that today is one of the best days of my life.

two words: surrender and trust.

with that, i'm saying farewell to May and hello to June with high hopes of seeing the bright sunshine after the dark night and the heavy rain. ^_^

good night Philippines! ^_^

P.S.
just want to say this: the greatest commandment is to LOVE, not to USE. Love people, not things. Use things, not people.

2009-05-29T14:16:00.001+08:00

yung bingi at yung nakakabingi.

1. BINGI.

Ako: Pa-load po.

Bingi: Smart o Globe?

Ako: Globe.

Kinuha ng bingi yung phone at binigay sken.

Bingi: Magkano?

Ako: 40 po.

Binigay ko ang buong P50.

Kinuha ng bingi at pumasok sa loob. Paglabas, inabot sken ang P20.

Ako: Ate sobra po. 40 po yung pinaload ko.

Bingi: Ay, 30 lang ni-load ko e.

HAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. FINE.

2. NAKAKABINGI.

Pagpasok ng bahay...

Nakakabingi (Pasigaw): San ka na naman galing?

Nabibingi: Kinausap po yung may-ari ng sasakyan.

Nakakabingi (Mas malakas na sigaw): Kumain ka na at magpahinga!

HAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY uli.

Gusto kong maglaho. Kung pwede lang. Kung kaya ko lang.

conversation with P

2009-05-29T11:26:00.001+08:00

P: _ _ _ _ .. salamat mwah!

T: Salamat sa? You're welcome! (smiley)

P: Sa lahat. kahit pagod ka na, dyan ka pa din..

T: Walang anuman. Onga pala, as of today.... (report on what has been accomplished)

P: Huwaw! pano na kung walang _ _ _ _ _ _ (_ _ _ _) sa buhay ko. goodluck!

T: Hmm. E d walang makulit, walang magulo, walang pa-cute at pasaway. Kaso lang nandito ako e. Kya magtyaga ka muna. Hehe.

P: Hahaha.. napakahumble naman ng lambanang ito. hehehe

T: Ganun talaga ..*some text missing*.. kung gusto mo ng mayabang na sagot, bibigyan kita: Pag walang _ _ _ _ _ _ sa buhay ni _ _ _ _ _ _, may kulang na kahit kelan hindi mapupunan ng iba.

P: Hahaha.. tama! At tama! sa huling sinabi mo.

random conversations

2009-05-28T14:27:00.002+08:00

It's 3 minutes past 3 in the morning. And I'm still awake. I said I'm already sleepy, right? But why can't I sleep? I've been trying to relax but a lot of things are flooding my mind. I wanna shout but I definitely can't do that. A few hours ago, my brother and I had a very intimate conversation. It actually started with a question. We exchanged ideas and thoughts. And the ending? Well, he's asleep now, and here I am, texting my thoughts out just so I can unload them. I wanted to blog but again, I can't do that because I'll be disturbing Mama and Papa who are sleeping where the computer is. Hay. If only I have a laptop. Oops! Did I just yawn?! Alright! I guess this time I can rest peacefully already. This is it! Sleep time. 3:17am. End.

26 May 2009

*****

wondering what my brother and i have talked about? it's confidential. :D

*****

yesterday, 27th of May, Mama's 53rd birthday, i went to T to meet with Sir G, COO of QC. (confidential muna yung details. next time ko na lang i-share. :D)

while waiting for him, i overheard Ms. A's conversation with a guy (who, I think, also works there). at first, they were talking about the Katrina Halili-Hayden Kho scandal. but the interesting part of their conversation was when Ms. A shared a text message.

Ms. A (reading a text message): Wag mong bibitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba. Simple diba? Eto, mas simple: Wag mong hahawakan pag alam mong hawak na ng iba. At ito ang pinakasimple sa pinakasimple: Wag kang hahawak pag alam mong may hawak ka na.

Ms. A (making a comment): Anong ibig sabihin nun? Bastos ba 'to?

(i'm making the best effort not to laugh. haha.)

Guy: Hindi. Tungkol sa relationships yan. Love. Tipong kung hindi mo kayang mapunta sa iba, wag mong pakawalan.

Ms. A: Ahh. Pano kung ayaw ko na sa kanya?

Guy: E di bitawan mo na. Pero kaya mo bang makitang hawak siya ng iba?

Ms. A: Oo. Kasi may hahawak na sakeng iba. (LOL)

:D

*****

then, i went to UP. when i got home, i had my late lunch/merienda/early dinner. unintentionally, i fell asleep while lying on our sofa. i woke up at around 7pm, and only then did i realize that i'm already late for the rehearsal. i know i told ate aike the night before that i may not be able to join the chorale for now, but i love it so much i simply couldn't let it go. and so i fixed myself and hurried to the CFC center.

while on the bus, yho texted. (i already erased the messages and so i'm typing our conversation from memory - except for mine. nasa sent items ko pa kasi. :D some parts may be omitted.)

yho: good evening yha!

yha: hi yho! papunta akong center ngayon. may practice kasi kame. grabe, late na ako. nakatulog kasi ako. hayz.

yho: ahehe. ok lang yan. at least nakatulog ka nang mahimbing.

yha: oo nga e. sobrang pagod kasi. nag-aayos kasi ako ng buhay ko. hehe.

yho: (waaah. nakalimutan ko yung reply ni yho.) haha. inaayos talaga? (something like that)

yha: hehe. oo. mababasa nyo siguro yun sa blog ko one of these days. pag sinipag akong magblog. haha. basta inaayos ko ang buhay ko.

yho: diba ang inaayos lang naman e yung sira?

yha (enlightened): hmm. may punto ka diyan. mali pala yung term ko. hindi dapat "inaayos" kasi in the 1st place, hindi naman sira ang buhay ko. umm, pano ko ba ipapaliwanag? basta may mga mali na dapat itama, may mga pangarap na dapat abutin, may mga bagay na dapat gawin. so yun ang ginagawa ko. sabi nga ni mama, it's time na sarili ko naman ang unahin ko.

we agreed to talk after the rehearsal pero si yho ay nakatulog na. at si yha, wala ng load. haha.

*****

the day's not over yet. eto pa ang natitirang activities ko:

1. practice with the kids (choir)

2. rehearsal @ EDSA Shrine for the Marian Concert tomorrow

at sa ngayon, pahinga muna. :D

magandang hapon pilipinas! ^_^

gusto ko lang magkwento

2009-05-25T23:46:00.002+08:00

Hindi naman ako masipag mag-blog diba? Hindi masyado. :D

Gusto ko lang magkwento. Marami na kasi masyado yung thoughts sa mind ko that's why I need to unload.

Since Saturday, parang may mali. Hindi ko lang alam kung ano yun.

Sabi ko kay She, pagod lang siguro talaga ako.

Yesterday, Ate Flory and Elmar were here. Pinag-usapan namin yung mga concerns ng Reg sa nalalapit na pagtatapos ng CLP namin. At kahapon, naintindihan ko yung sinasabi ni Mars na iba talagang kausap ang mga taga-UP. may kwenta. Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang (Pero parang ganun na nga. Haha.), iba talaga ang level of understanding ng mga taga-UP. Haha. Sorry naman. I'm speaking from experience. :D Hindi ko 'to sinasabi dahil sa taga-UP ako. Sinasabi ko 'to kasi sa totoo lang, pag mga taga-UP yung kausap ko, hindi ako nahihirapan. Malawak ang pang-unawa nila. At higit sa lahat, may kwenta silang kausap! I'm not saying na walang kwentang kausap yung iba, pero basta iba ang mga taga-UP. At si Ate Flory, bilang dugong Peyups din gaya ko, ay isa na nga sa mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan kong pagsabihan ng mga damdamin kong hindi ko masabi sa iba kasi alam kong she would understand. At hindi nga ako nagkamali. Actually she was the one who asked me kung may problema raw ba. Natanong din kasi ni Elmar kung bakit ako naiyak that night? Yun nga, I told her my reasons. At ang nakakatuwa dun, pareho lang pala kame ng feeling. And we feel the same way dahil pareho ang level ng pag-iisip namin. We have the same goals, the same standards. Not exactly the same though, pero magka-level. Basta ganun. Kaya nagkakaintindihan kame. At sapat na yun. ^_^

Kanina, Ate Ghen asked me, "how are you bunso?"

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit, pero ang sagot ko sa kanya, "I would be lying kung sasabihin kong ok lang ako, Ate." Without further questions, she hugged me and said, "It's ok, bunso." It was very comforting. At na-appreciate ko yun. Maraming maraming salamat Ate Ghen. ^_^

Bago matapos ang araw ko, I mean bago ako matulog, (tapos na pala kasi ang araw. It's past 12 already, meaning, May 26 na ngayon.), gusto ko lang i-share yung mga bagay at taong tinuturing kong blessings sa nakalipas na araw.

1. Kids (Children's Choir) - sila yung mga bago kong "anak" na sobrang kukulit pero masaya kasama. kahapon lang naglaro pa kame. hehe. sumali talaga ako sa kanila. tapos nung dumating si elmar, sabi ni pogi sa kanya, "kuya, mamaya na lang, dun ka muna, naglalaro pa kasi kame e." haha. hay. i so love them. ang sarap lumabas ng bahay na sila yung sasalubong sa'yo. tapos habang naglalakad ka sa kalye, biglang may sisigaw nang malakas, "ATE AIZA!!" isn't that sweet? thank God for those kids. ^_^

2. Samantha - etong batang 'to, part na talaga ng family namin. at kanina sobrang natuwa ako kasi she was sooooooo sweet and thoughtful. paalis na kasi sila ni tita. actually, nakaalis na sila. pero bumalik pa talaga siya kasi hindi pa siya nakaka-hug at kiss sken. such an angel. hay. ayun. pagpasok niya ng bahay, lapit agad saken sabay hug. tapos umuwi na. hay. ang sweet sweet diba? sana hanggang sa paglaki ni sam, ako pa rin yung favorite ate niya. :)

at syempre, ang pamilya ko na kasabay kong kumain at nanood ng One Little of Tears. :D

ayun lang muna. na-realize ko lang, antok na pala ako. hehe. :D

good night and good morning Philippines! ^_^

sorry

2009-05-24T22:44:00.001+08:00

last night, something happened. he said, "i already said sorry". "did she accept your apology?", i asked. he replied, "no. it's no longer my problem."

i've been thinking about his response. and i remember reading a comment on Ne-yo's version of Take A Bow.

just some thoughts, or rather reflections, if i may say so.

is sorry enough? i rephrase, is saying sorry enough? a famous line from Dao goes like this: kung pwede ang sorry, para saan pa ang pulis? and i remember hearing those words from him everytime i say sorry (back when we were still together).

based on what he said, and how he delivered it, i would say that to this guy, saying sorry is enough. it's as simple as "i did something bad. fine. i admit it. i'm sorry."

but, is it really enough?

to me it's not.

siguro yun nga yung nagiging problema. people tend to overuse the word "sorry", in the same way that they overuse, if not misuse, the words "i love you".

words are powerful. indeed. but words are not enough. there has to be action. there has to be sincerity.

hindi enough na may ginawa kang mali, tapos magso-sorry ka lang, ok na. vindicated ka na agad. and worse, you act as if everything's okay again kahit hindi pa naman talaga tinatanggap yung apology mo.

you can't say that "it's no longer your problem". in the first place, you gave her/him the reason to be mad at you. tapos sasabihin mong hindi mo na problema kung hindi man niya tanggapin yung apology mo? i don't know, to me it's a sign of being insensitive and irresponsible.

naalala ko lang, the same guy once said, "hindi mo na kailangan pang magpaliwanag. you already said sorry. tama na yun." (you don't need to explain yourself.)

yes, there may be times when you don't really need to explain yourself (especially when you're talking to people who would never understand because they don't want to understand, or even listen to whatever you have to say), but there are situations when you need to. because "sorry" is not enough. it's just a word. it's never enough.

a certain song goes like this: sorry seems to be the hardest word. and to that i agree. why? because "sorry" implies change, and along with it comes the responsibility to make things right. you don't just say sorry. you need to show that indeed you are sorry.

ang lungkot isipin pero ang katotohanan, may mga taong bumabalewala sa halaga ng salitang "patawad". at ang malala pa dun, minsan ginagawa na lang nilang rason yung salitang "sorry" para lang makasakit sila ng iba. tipong, "pwede namang mag-sorry diba? so pwede kitang saktan. mag-sosorry na lang ako pagkatapos."

parang ganito: "God will forgive me anyway, so I can commit as many mistakes as I want. He is a God of mercy, right? And He loves me right? I can always ask for forgiveness and come back to Him anytime."

narinig ko na yan sa isang kaibigan.

hay. should i say life's like that? that's the way it is? we're not in an ideal world. people are not perfect. and they're not saints, so don't expect them to be holy?

but aren't we called to a life of holiness?

i'm not sure if this is still connected and if i'm making sense. pardon me. i'm just typing my thoughts out. :D

we were given the greatest commandment, that is to LOVE. and a tagline from an old movie says, "love means never having to say you're sorry."

my point: do your best not to commit anything which would lead you to saying "sorry" in the future. do everything with love and out of love (and i mean LOVE in its truest sense). and most of all, be sensitive and responsible. ^_^

good night philippines! ^_^

blessed to be stressed

2009-05-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

if i am to describe what i'm feeling right this moment, there's no better word than tired.

this afternoon, one of my bestfriends came over, and i am so thankful for that rare chance to see him again (after ages). we weren't able to spend a lot of time together because i have already committed to serve in the 6pm anticipated mass at Christ the King Church in Greenmeadows. but at least i was able to chat with him, and to me that's more than enough. i always go for quality rather than quantity. just like what i told him last night, "let's just make the most out of whatever time we have, however little that may be." ^_^

during the mass, God sent two powerful messages:

1. Forget fate. Have faith. those words were boldly printed on the shirt of a YFC member (we sang with them, by the way. ^_^) and it just hit me so i noted it down. i have always appreciated random words of wisdom and inspiration and i never neglect even the simple things for i know there's meaning and purpose in everything.

2. God is working with us, and through us. this was the essence of Bishop Martires' homily. and as he said, if we only realize that fact, then there's no need to worry about anything. for we are sure that no obstacle will ever be too great for us to overcome. we have God, how else can we ever lose?i remember this inspirational message which a sister once shared, the will of God won't take us where the grace of God can't keep us.

after the mass, we headed to Rosario for our CLP.

right after the worship, i decided to leave and take my dinner... alone. tonight was just one night when i felt the need to be alone, even for a while.

i was able to talk to a sister, someone i trust enough to tell about what i have been feeling. i didn't mean to cry. it wasn't intentional. but it just happened. one, because i really am tired, burned out, stressed and there's still a lot that i need to do. two, because i appreciated what that sister told me. it really helps to know that there are people who believe in you so so much. she was one of those few people who never judged me as someone weak. instead, she empowered me when she said that there's nothing i couldn't bear and overcome.

and true enough, there's really nothing i couldn't win over, because i have God.^_^

i'm tired. physically. and i believe that's normal. but no, i'm not weak. and yes ate flory, it's okay to cry. it's never a sign of weakness.

i may be stressed already, but hey, i'm blessed even more! and i am thankful for the so many responsibilities and commitments God has entrusted me with. He has called me by name, and I will heed His call.

before i take my much awaited and needed rest, i'd like to thank some people. i don't usually name names, but this time, i want to. because these people deserve to know how their hugs and words have comforted me, especially tonight.

thank you she.

thank you ate gems.

thank you ate flory.

thank you ate eden.

thank you ate ghen.

thank you ate dianne.

^_^

sleep time for me.

good morning philippines! ^_^

back home.

2009-05-03T19:55:00.001+08:00

hay. kainis. namatay bigla yung pc. huhu. at syempre matatapos ko na dapat yung blog post ko about my vacation sa iloilo. kainis talaga! wala na, tamad na akong magkwento. hay nako. ang haba pa naman nun. :((

waaaah. kainis talaga. gustong-gusto kong magkwento! hay. cge na nga, magkukwento na ako. uulitin ko na lang. mula umpisa?? noooooooo! basta magtatype lang ako. sana naman wag na uli mamatay yung pc. hay.

ayan, eto ang naging buhay ko sa probinsya:

1. walang signal ang globe kaya smart ang gamit ko. wahay. opo, kung may signal man ang globe, one bar lang, dun pa sa kusina o di kaya sa labas. hahanapin mo pa talaga. at dahil naiinis akong magbasa ng "message sending failed", pinatay ko na lang yung phone ko. kaya sa mga nagtext, pasensya na po. sa airport ko na uli nabuksan yung phone ko.

2. mahirap ang tubig at kuryente. hay. kelangan pa bang imemorize yan? probinsya nga e. at wala kame sa siyudad, wala rin kame sa bayan, nasa baryo talaga kame.

3. naliligo ng naka-patadyong o nakadamit talaga. kasi wala ring banyong paliguan. hehe. ang saya no? natuto tuloy akong gumamit ng patadyong. manang na manang talaga. haha.

ayun lang. hay. kasi naman ang haba na ng natype ko kanina e. natamad na tuloy ako.

pero basta kahit pa nadulas ako sa putikan (kasi laging umuulan dun kaya sobrang maputik), nagdelikado ang buhay sa single (aka habal-habal) nang minsang sumakay kame ng pinsan kong babae papunta sa bayan at barubal magpatakbo si manong, nabasa ng ulan (kaya naman sobrang gininaw ako sa airport, delayed pa yung flight ko), kumain ng uga (tuyo) 3 times a day, iniyakan at pinag-awayan ng mga pinsan (gusto nila lahat tumabi sken), at higit sa lahat, umitim, sobrang nagpapasalamat pa rin ako kasi kahit sa maikling panahon, naexperience ko lahat ng iyon at nakasama ko yung mga pinsan, tita, tito, at lola ko. more than that, happy ako na napasaya ko sila, lalo na si lola on her 84th birthday.

kahapon, sobrang lungkot, ayokong umalis. actually, mixed emotions e. gusto ko ng bumalik dito kasi nga ang hirap ng buhay doon, pero ayoko rin namang iwan yung mga pinsan ko. sabi ko hindi ako iiyak. pero nung umiyak na si lola, wala na, iyak na rin ako. tapos habang nagpapaalam ako sa pinsan ko, ang bigat talaga sa dibdib. hay. pero life goes on ika nga. hindi naman din iyon ang huli naming pagkikita. napagkasunduan kasi na at least once every year, uuwi na kame dun. yung mga pinsan ko nagrerequest na umuwi ako dun sa December at doon magspend ng Christmas at New Year. hay. sana nga.

i went back to manila last night via Zest Air flight Z2 172. delayed ang flight namin kaya naman past 11 na ako nakarating dito sa bahay. at sobrang pagod talaga. ang tagal ko kayang naghintay sa airport ng iloilo. wala pa akong makausap. walang anything. hay. you could just imagine kung gaano kalungkot yung feeling. dadaan pa dapat ako sa CLP kaya lang nga pagsilip ko sa simbahan, wala na akong nakitang tao. so dumiretso na ako. isa pa, mabigat din yung dala ko.

pagdating sa bahay, hilamos agad! wohoo! ang sarap ng totoong tubig! haha. dun kasi tubig-ulan at tubig-poso yung pangligo e.

nagpalit ako ng beddings ng kama, at humiga na. wohoo! ang sarap humiga sa kama ko. na-miss ko talaga yung kwarto ko kaya naman ang sarap ng tulog ko. :D

kaninang umaga, back to service na uli. :) at grabe naman talaga, ang lupit ng comeback ko. pano ba naman, kame lang ni tin ang kumanta sa mass. duet? hehe. ako lang, si tin, at si kuya rhed ang nagserve. ayos! humabol si kuya toto at elmar. salamat sa kanila.

at ang pinakalamalupit nito, may bago na naman akong assignment. pagdating ni mrs. salazar, nung nakita niya ako, sabi niya, "sweetheart, diba ikaw yung tiga-lifehomes? what's your name again? pwede bang ikaw na ang youth coordinator naten? write your name here please." sabay bigay ng notebook na may listahan ng bago atang mini-parish "officers" if i may say so. ayun. yun lang. galing no?! pinabalik talaga ako ni Lord agad kasi may naghihintay na trabaho sken? hehe. oh well, i take everything as a blessing. so blessing ang panibagong service na yun. and i thank God for it. :)

sa totoo lang, hanggang sa ngayon, wala pa akong natetext. maliban kay ate aike at ayhie na naunang nagtext sken. ewan, may jetlag pa ata ako. haha. para namang galing ako sa ibang bansa. hay. naiisip ko mga pinsan ko. at syempre si mama. nandun pa kasi siya. dapat nandun pa rin ako e. kaso nga lang kelangan ko ng bumalik dito. sad. pero happy na rin.

sa mga susunod na araw, mag-isa lang ako dito. sa gabi ko lang makakasama si papa at si arnold na may mga trabaho. at sa mga panahong mag-isa akong kakain, i'll always remember what my cousin lester told me before i left, "manang, pag kakain ka na dun tapos mag-isa ka lang, tawag ka dito ha? para sabay-sabay tayong kakain."

waaaah. naiiyak na ako. hay. i miss them.

i love iloilo. i love cabatuan. i love tuy-an. but MANILA IS MY HOME here on earth. and i'm back home. :) salamat sa mga nag-welcome sa akin: ate diane, kuya toto, tin, kuya rhed, elmar, ate aike, ayhie, ate nheng, shezha. :)

by the way, to end this post, let me share these pictures. :D they were taken on the same spot but on different years. :D

see the difference? :D

yun lang. good evening manila! :) it's good to be home. :)

P.S. Congrats Manny! Ang galing mo! Grabe, 2 rounds lang ang tinagal ni Hatton.

IT HURTS! (repost)

2009-04-21T01:51:00.003+08:00

i'm sorry, hindi ko kinayang hindi i-post. haha. read this from ruth's blog. loka talaga yung sis kong yun, after kong umiyak-iyak because of Susan Boyle, tawa naman ako to the max sa post na ito. at syempre, magcocomment din ako. :D
(yung nasa loob ng parentheses na comments ay galing kay ruth, yung comment ko, yung after ng '>>'. :D)

*letting go of a person you’ve just learned to love (ayun o!haaaaayyyyy…)
>>no comment. haha. :D

*reminiscing the good times you shared together (every moment, we shared together, is even better than the moments before…by westlife!)
>>and i miss you more whenever i think about you.. hehe.. moment of truth, fm static

*shielding your heart to love somebody (pwede ba yun? Kunsabagay…)
>>umm, pwede.

*trying to hide what you really feel (pambihira naman o! ako ba tinutukoy mo?)
>>haha. ikaw nga sis. :D

*trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes (O, hindi!!..sniff…)
>>ay hindi ako nakakarelate. i don't hide the tears e. i don't need to hide. hindi na kasi ako umiiyak. haha. (didn't i just say na naiyak ako kay Susan Boyle? hehe.)

*loving a person too much (naku, lahat ng sobra, masama…)
>>oh yeah. too much of something is bad enough. :)

*giving up someone you never thought of giving up (ayun o! may ganun talaga teh?)
>>oo. may ganun. :D

*having the right love at the wrong time (may ganun ba?malamang hindi yun right love)
>>parang somewhere down the road lang.. we had the right love at the wrong time.. :D

*taking the risk to fall in love again (masakit ba yun?hindi ako makarelate..echos!)
>>if i should love again, if i find someone new.. haha.. after Susan Boyle, Barry Manilow fever naman. :D

*hiding your relationship from someone else (ay, ang sakit nga naman yun…why hide it?)
>>oo nga, why hide it? kasi it's complicated? hehe.

*controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend (my goodness!namemersonal ka ba?ha?)
>>haha. pinepersonal ka ba sis? iniisip ko pa kung nakaka-relate ako. hehe. pero oo, sometimes, hindi ko masabi yung gusto kong sabihin o gawin yung gusto kong gawin kasi ayokong makasakit. at ang kapalit nun, ako ang nasasaktan. naninikip dibdib ko e. lalo na pag galit na ako tapos ayokong makapagsalita ng masakit kaya pipigilin ko yung galit ko. wala lang. ang haba ng comment ko. hehe.

*thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single thought of you (ouch..oo nga naman…tsk tsk!)
>>isa lang solusyon diyan, think happy thoughts. :D kaso may follow-up question, pano kung siya yung happy thought? hmm. e di think of happier thoughts. haha. pero kasi naman OA naman yung thinking of him/her every waking moment. kamusta naman yun? pwede naman siguro every after one hour. hehe. i told a joke. :D

*letting go, because every time you see the person, you only fall deeper (namumuro ka na ha…)
>>haha. sino bang gumawa nito? sunugin! hehe.

*holding back only to find out when it’s too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn’t let the feelings out (ang haba naman…nosebleed!sniff!)
>>onga, ano daw? haha. oo gets ko. hindi nga lang ako maka-relate. :p

*falling in love with someone you didn’t mean to fall in love with (awwww….)
>>masakit ba yun? isn't that a wonderful thing? diba pleasant surprise yun? that's what you call 'magic' or 'destiny'. hehe. yun nga lang, ibang usapan na yun kung sa may asawa ka na-inlove. hehe.

*finding the perfect boy/girl…with only one problem…he/she doesn’t love you the way you want him/her to (hmmm…familiar story ha..)
>>ay eto imposibleng mangyari. kasi walang perfect na tao. :p

*helping the one you love court your friend (kumusta, palagi na lang ganito!)
>>haha. hindi pa naman 'to nangyayari. and i wish hindi mangyari. hehe.

*seeing the one you love crying for someone else (ehem..no comment…)
>>naman. buti na lang hindi girl yung "someone else" na yun. lalaki pala. haha. joke lang. :D

*the waiting also hurts like hell (hmmm, not really, coz patience is a virtue…true love is worth waiting for!)
>>Amen to that Sis!

*having to hear…”I’ve met someone.”(ayus lang..na-meet lang naman nya eh!ha ha!)
>>haha. sino kayang nakaka-relate?! ehem. heelz? nababasa mo ba 'to? haha. "i've met someone. tapos yun, naging kame." wahaha. peace heelz! :D

*agreeing to his/her wish to “just be friends” (naku, may mas masakit pa dyan, I tell you…)
>>to this i can't relate. really. :D never pa akong sinabihan nun e. "i hope we can be even just friends" or "let's be friends" lang mga linyang narinig ko. :D

*asking his/her freedom back because “he’d/she’d be happier with him/her” (anu raw?he he!)
>>he always has his freedom. :D

*asking you to “forget that everything happened” and be “normal” friends again (hindi ako makarelate…sorry)
>>ako rin, can't relate. ay teka, nangyari na pala 'to. parang. hehe. tama ba tweet2? i remember si dan at si vincci pa yung kumausap sa akin tungkol dun. hehe. kasi naman, hindi dapat tumatalo ng kaibigan. :D

*hearing that you’re treated as a little bro/sis (eto na nga ba sinasabi ko eh…bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan, iyak na lang..he he!)
>>hay nako. kaya nga neutral ako sa concept ng pagiging "bunso" ko e. sometimes i love being called that way, pero at times, nakakalungkot na ewan din. or siguro may trauma pa rin ako sa word na yun. kasi naman, ikaw ba naman sabihan ng: "................................., bunso!" secret na lang kung ano yun. haha.

*sharing his/her future plans for the girl/boy with you (ang sakit nga naman no’n pare!)
>>most of my friends have done this, pero di naman ako na-hurt. happy pa nga ako for them e. pero yun nga lang, there's a part of me that wishes na sana may magsabi rin ng future plans niya for me. halimbawa, singing career, o di kaya opportunity to travel abroad, tsaka house and lot sa loyola grand villas. haha. ambisyosa. :D

*you stopped being friends because his gf/bf asked him/her to (ang saklap naman nun!friends na nga lang eh…)
>>waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! nakaka-relate ako! huhu. soul sis, i miss you na talaga! hay. pero di naman talaga natapos ang friendship naten diba? syempre, takas-takas pa rin. haha. hay nako. bakit ba kasi may mga over-selosong boypren (at sige na nga, girlpren na rin. hehe.)?

*being denied in front of people (I hope this won’t happen to me…)
>>denied? nakaka-relate din ata ako. haha. diba soul sis?

*telling you lies where he’d/she’d been when actually, he/she was with a new friend or an old flame (ang bad naman nun…)
>>ehem. at isa pang ehem. ayoko ng alalahanin. haha. :D

*he/she told you he’d/she’d be leaving you to return to his/her ex (the one she left for you) (anu ba yan, paiba iba ng isip…labo mo teh!)
>>ay parang hindi 'to mangyayari. AT HINDI 'TO MANGYAYARI. kasi yung next, will be my last. so wala na siyang babalikan pa. hehe. that's the spirit. :D never stop hoping and praying aiza. :D

*breaking someone’s heart (hala…parang guilty ako dito?)
>>this is so true. ganun daw talaga pag mabait e. hehe. pero seryoso, kung may konsensiya kang tao, masasaktan ka rin pag nakasakit ka ng iba.

*fighting for that one thing that would make you happy that is, holding on to a person who can not guarantee you his/her commitment unless he/she fixes himself/herself…then, you are left hanging for the moment..then he/she says, time will tell…ang labo lang nya…but you still decided to hope in him/her and trust him/her (hay, buhay…)
>>ang haba, nakakatamad basahin. haha. basta eto na lang, i don't wanna fight no more, i forgot what we were fighting for.. hehe.. westlife fever naman. :D

*pretending you’re okay when inside you’re dying (namumuro ka na ha!kanina ka pa!)
>>haha. easy lang sis. :D kantahin na lang natin yung kanta ng MCR.. i'm not okay.. hehe. ay eto better song, from McFly, aahhhhhhhhhhhh.. i'll be okay. :D

*pretending to be strong. and recognizing your weakness (oh, yes!i’m a great pretender!har har!)
>>haha. why must we all conceal, what we think, how we feel.. reflection, christina a. :D wag na kasi mag-pretend, just be strong, really strong. :) ay pero may naalala rin pala ako. sabi ni Father Babes dati sa homily niya, "sometimes, you have to fake it to make it real", so hindi rin talaga masama mag-pretend paminsan-minsan. :D

*lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have (ha ha!parang westlife days lang ah!Mark feehily?)
>>haha. oo nga. ako naman kay shane. at syempre umiyak pa talaga ako nung nalaman kong nag-asawa na siya. haha. ganun ako kabaliw sa westlife dati. :D

*being with someone you can’t actually love (ok!)
>>oo nga. ok na lang din. wala akong masabi. can't relate e.

*pretending you don’t love a person whom you actually love (tsk!tsk!no comment)
>>ay naalala ko tuloy yung My Bestfriend's Girlfriend na movie. napanood ko lang sa GMA. sabi ni Maria dun, "akala ko dati mahirap magpanggap na mahal kita. mas mahirap palang magpanggap na hindi kita mahal".haha. o diba, kabisado ko pa. :D in fairness to me, paidlip-idlip pa ako habang nanonood nun. :D

*being in love (korek!pero pag kay Lord, everything’s alright!)
>>yes, love hurts. but sometimes it's a good hurt. :D (love hurts, incubus)

*letting go even if you really don’t want to…having no right to say you’re hurting because it was your decision (may tama ka!hu hu!)
>>oo na. hehe.

*seeing the person you love hurt because of you and not being able to help that person (hmmm..pwede…)
>>umm, oo. sobrang sakit talaga. last year, nung nagkasakit ako, mas nahirapan at nasaktan akong makitang nahihirapan sina mama. kaso wala akong magawa. :( pero buti na lang tapos yung period na yun. healthy na ako. praise God. :)

*having the courage to say ‘i love you’ to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he/she doesn’t treat you with the same closeness as before (naku, korek..kaya ako, discreet pa rin…para hindi ganun kasakit..tama di ba?)
>>eto naman parang maniwala ka sana ng parokya.. "ngayon ako'y nagsisisi kung bakit ako nag "i love you"!!! kasi di na tayo tulad ng dati" :D

*having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely destroying the wall that you have set for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable (ang sakit naman nun…)
*waaaaaaaaaah. taylor swift naman. teardrops on my guitar. the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart. tsaka yung konstantine ng something corporate. they'll never hurt you like i do.

*admitting that you love someone despite his/her imperfections (well, that’s acceptance..that’s normal naman)
>>oo nga, normal 'to. love is a decision nga diba? and when you love, you love the person, kasama na dun yung imperfections niya.

*finding out that the more you try to hate him/her, the more you end up loving him/her, perhaps even more than before (wow!the more you hate the more you love ba ang banat teh?)
>>ayun o! can't stop the hurt inside when love and hate collide. :D

*realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break up (I can’t relate)
>>ay sorry na lang, hindi rin ako nakaka-relate. hindi ako ang may kasalanan. haha. hugas-kamay. :D pero totoo lang naman kasi.

*the thought that this guy/girl, used to really love you and you loved him/her as well kaso you didn’t give enough…he/she gave up on you na (ay, kasalanan mo yun teh!)
>>e ang kaso you already did your best, but your best wasn't good enough. haha. just once? james ingram? hehe. kantahan na lang kasi tayo. :D

*sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else (it’s stupidity!)
>>korek. kung sa'yo, sa'yo. kung kanya, kanya. :D

*making a promise and realizing that when the time has come for that promise to be delivered…the commitment is no longer there (how I wish, hindi mangyari sa akin ito..pero parang papunta na dun..)
>>ano raw? hehe. no comment na lang. baka mali intindi ko e. :D

*the hardest thing about love—believing it exists (it depends..)
>>ay hindi naman. God exists. and God is love. so kahit wala ka pang "lovelife", you still have God. and that is more than enough. kasi only He can love us unconditionally and eternally. :)

*after you’ve been hurt….learning to forgive….learning to trust and love again (ayus lang..that’s life eh!)
>>tanungin niyo ako ng comment ko. hehe.

*seeing your partner battle with death! (my goodness!knocks on wood!)
>>that's something i don't think i can bear.

*but the hardest thing really is learning to love yourself ~ we always forget to do this (korek…now I’m thinking of a particular person…)
>>learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. :)

"At ito naman ang dagdag ko…

***It really hurts pag naging panakip-butas ka lang!!!! yung tipong ginamit ka lang kasi hindi pa sya makapag-move on… palipas oras, in other words…and suddenly that person will dump you just like that! (tamaan na ang dapat tamaan!—bitter?ha ha!)

But despite these things, cheer up! Because we’re counting on God!

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18"

si ruth pa rin nagsulat nung quoted part. nililinaw ko lang. hehe. eto yung sken, "what good is love when it keeps on hurting me.. i guess love would be nice for someone else's life.." hehe. joke lang. bigla ko lang naalala yung song ni Stacie Orrico (nasan na nga ba siya?) na "I'm Not Missing You" :D

seriously, pain is good. it keeps us alive. so don't be afraid of getting hurt. gaya nga ng lagi kong sinasabi, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". kaya be thankful for the heartbreaks and heartaches. part yan ng process of growing up and becoming a better you. just make sure you learn your lessons.

eto yung naisip kong bagay na ending sa post na ito. naalala ko lang yung song: you've made me stronger by breaking my heart, you ended my life and made a better one start. you've taught me everything from falling in love to letting go of a lie. yes you've made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye". :D

pagpasensiyahan niyo na kung puro kanta. e kasi naman singer nga ako diba? hehe. anong petsa na pala. masyado naman akong naaliw sa post na ito. westlife sis ruthie, thanks for this. :) stress-reliever. :D

o siya, tulog na ako. good morning people. :) yan ang epekto ng naiiwang mag-isa sa bahay nang matagal. walang ibang kausap, walang kasama. kung ano-ano tuloy nababasa ko. hehe. pero good thing din naman. kahit pano nakapag-reflect ako. seryoso yun. :)

things i want to say..

2009-04-05T14:17:00.000+08:00

after two long years, nakabalik uli ako sa dagat! and yes, i super missed it!

out of town trips have always been an escape for me, escape from the chaotic city, escape from tons of work i need to do, and most of all, escape from people (who, most of the time, hurt me with the things they do and say and the things they DON'T do and DON'T say).

yesterday, i had that much awaited "break" (sabi ni ate aike, i deserve it daw, do i really?) dahil hindi naman payag ang family ko na hindi ako sumama sa company outing nina papa. oo nga naman, noon lang kasi uli kame makakapag-bond as a family. at maganda pa yung lugar (Nasugbu, Batangas) kaya hindi na ako nakatanggi pang sumama. walang tulog. (assembly rin kasi the other night - friday). sa biyahe na lang ako nagnakaw ng tulog. pero pagdating ng tagaytay, gising na gising na uli ako. bukod sa napakalamig, ayoko ring pumikit kasi gusto kong makita yung napakagandang scenery. country girl talaga kasi ako. kaya naman super enjoy ako sa mga nakikita kong taniman ng pinya, palayan, bundok, ilog, mga bahay, at kung ano-ano pa na sa probinsya ko lang nakikita. habang nasa byahe, bigla kong naisip, "I WILL LIVE HERE." hindi talaga "I WANT TO LIVE HERE", "I WILL" kasi someday, magkakaroon talaga ako ng bahay sa tagaytay. haha. ambisyosa no? hehe. bakit ba, sabi nga, DREAM BIG. wala namang imposible e. :D
pagdating namin sa venue, ang sarap sa pakiramdam. very therapeutic ang dagat. hay. 2 years din akong hindi nakapunta sa beach. puro pool lang. at ang huling dagat na napuntahan ko e sa Batangas din, sa Lemery naman (kasama ang SFC chapter ko, after ng Lord's Day ng batch nina Cat. at yun yung time na muntik na akong malunod. haha. tandang-tanda ko pa. at hindi ko makakalimutan yun!).

picture. kain. langoy. picture. kain uli. ligo. TULOG. around 7am kami dumating sa beach. by 830, tulog na kame ni arnold. at nagising kame, 12nn na, lunch na. after nun, tulog uli. hindi obvious na puyat kame no? hehe. naenjoy naman namin ang dagat kaya sulit din naman. :)

at dahil medyo nakabawi na kame ng tulog, sa daan pauwi, todo abang na kame sa mga tanawin. todo picture. kahit ano na lang makita sa daan. hehe. paglampas ng tagaytay, tulog na uli. :D
masaya kasi nakasama ko ang family ko. malungkot kasi, parang may kulang. o baka nga hindi kulang, baka sobra. sobrang daming iniisip na gagawin, sobrang daming responsibilities. pero hindi yun burden for me, i'm too blessed to be stressed. :)

at dahil somehow nagiging time for reflection ko rin ang mga byahe, may nagawa akong nonsense na senting ewan habang nasa bus pabalik ng manila. ano yun? eto:

dear

lately i've been thinking
i even have had sleepless nights
i wonder how
i wonder why

still i don't have answers
but i trust that someday i'll know
and until that one day comes
i'll be hanging, waiting, hoping...
and best of all,
still loving, enduring, growing.

how could you?
how could i?
how could we?

have you ever?
will you ever?

how can i?
why do i?
why can't i?
will i ever?

until when?
what else?
how much?

do you?
i do.

one word: sorry.
two words: thank you.
three words: i love/hate you (whichever you like).

diba nonsense? just as this blog post. nonsense.

parang ang lungkot ko no? sabi ni jb kanina, "ate, bakit parang wala ka sa mood?" hindi ko rin alam e. wala nga ba ako sa mood? hindi naman siguro.

let's just say na sa mga panahong ito, marami akong iniisip na mga bagay. mga bagay na dapat talagang pag-isipan. gaya ng, "ano kayang masarap na merienda?" hehe. joke lang. :D

marami lang talaga akong nakuhang input since friday. kaya naman nasa stage pa lang ako ng "digestion". at habang hindi pa naabsorb ng sistema ko lahat ng sustansiya ng mga pangyayaring yun, siguro nga, "wala muna ako sa mood".

pero hindi ko naman hahayaang madamay ang kung sino mang magbabasa nito sa "kawalan ko sa mood" (tama ba ang tagalog ko? hehe.). at sa totoo lang, hindi talaga dapat ito ang laman ng blog ko. i mean, hindi na dapat kasama yung mga kadramahang nauna ko ng natype. kaso lang, wala e, natype ko na. hehe.

bakit ba kasi ako nasa mood mag-blog? may gagawin pa akong final paper, at sobrang loaded ng week ko. pwede naman akong matulog na lang muna. o di kaya gumawa na ng mga dapat gawin. why blog?

wala. gusto ko lang. :D sabi ko nga kanina nasa process ako ng digestion. at alam kong malaking tulong ang magagawa ng pagsusulat ng thoughts para mas maintindihan ko ang mga bagay-bagay. :)

at isa sa mga gusto kong i-grasp ay ang homily ni Monsi kanina. (by the way, Palm Sunday po ngayon).

the most striking statement that he said is: accept the pain. go through it. because it is going through the pain that you go beyond it. sabi pa niya, nagiging painful lang daw ang mga bagay-bagay kasi we resist them. pero kung hahayaan natin ang mga sarili nating maramdaman yung sakit, in time, mawawala na rin yung pain. oo nga naman. hanggat hindi naten tinatanggap yung sakit, mananatili siyang sakit. if we'll just ignore it and act as if we're not hurting, lalo lang tayong mahihirapan. at yun nga, hindi naman mawawala yung sakit nun. maaari tayong maging manhid for a while, pero hindi magtatagal, kukulitin din tayo ng pain na hindi naten na-address. imagine if Jesus resisted suffering and death, ano na kayang nangyari? mahirap kung sa mahirap, at na-witness din naten yung agony Niya sa Garden of Gethsemane. kung Siya lang ang masusunod, ayaw Niya rin sana. pero sabi nga Niya, not His will, but the Father's be done. and even sa cross, He questioned God, "why have You abandoned me?". but it didn't end there. His last words were "Father, into Your hands, I commend/commit my Spirit." a clear profession of trust. just the same, we are challenged to endure and go through the pain, and trust that God will give us the strength to go beyond and claim victory over whatever suffering life has to offer. sakto yung blog title and desciption ko sa blogger, "sweet sorrows.. because pain is essential to maturity.." and yes, i am in pain. and i love it. because it keeps me alive. :D and for the nth time, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

so endure the pain. go through it. just a warning: don't let it kill you. don't go through it alone. vaya con Dios. go with God. :)

have a meaningful, prayerful, and fruitful Holy Week everyone! ^_^

P.S.
just one last. share ko lang din yung talk ni Tito Chito kagabi sa CLP. kahit na pagod galing Batangas, pumunta pa rin ako sa CLP, simply because God told me to do so. :)

Talk 4: Repentance and Faith

Repentance and faith go together. The Lord has done His part, we must do our share, that is, to repent and have faith.

Repentance must come with change (turning your back away from those things that are not pleasing to God and living a new life). Repentance is not based on feelings. It's a deliberate decision. Change not because of the consequences of our actions. We must hate sin itself and not just the consequence of it.

How to Repent?
1. Be honest. Admit that you have sinned.
2. Exercise humility.
3. Renounce sin.
4. Ask for God's forgiveness.

for me, yung most striking part ng talk ay yung story about a painter who made a portray of Jesus knocking on a door (based sa Revelations 3:20). during an exhibit, maraming nakapansin sa painting na yun. and from the crowd, someone commented that something was wrong with the painting. wala raw kasing doorknob yung pinto kung saan kumakatok si Jesus. so nag-usap-usap na yung mga tao, hanggang sa dumating yung painter. the people told him what they thought was wrong with his work. the painter explained, "there's nothing wrong with the painting. indeed, you can't see the doorknob, because it's on the other side. the door can only be opened from the inside."

true enough, Jesus cannot open the door of our hearts. all He can do is knock. He has done His part, it's time for us to do ours. let's open the door of our hearts and our lives, and let Him in.

again, a blessed Holy Week to everyone.

sorry, i've said too much again.

last na P.S. na talaga. hehe. nakita ko kasi 'tong message from marshee. can't help but share.. ewan, nakaka-relate kasi siguro ako..

"at the end of the day , you either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together."

end of the very long post. ^_^

untitled :D

2009-04-02T13:14:00.000+08:00

When you say you're committed to someone, it doesn't necessarily mean you're in love with the person. Feelings are very short-lived. You may be in love with the person now, but sometimes, you end up hating him/her. Commitment is not all about mere feelings. It's about the need to be with the person, a need that says: "No matter how bad the weather might become, I'm willing to stay."
-->>for me, love is commitment. and commitment is love. and didn't i say "LOVE IS A DECISION, and not just a feeling?" :)

Just some quotes na nakita ko sa Drafts folder ng dating phone ni Arnold. :)

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Tears of the Sun

"Fate doesn't decide everything." -Hancock

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away." -Hitch

"Humans have the power to heal themselves. The answer is the brain." -Serum

"They say the best conversation you'll ever have is with a stranger." -Bateman (Jason Statham), London

"I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." -LOTR, Return of the King

-->>buti pa yung kapatid ko, ang dami ng napanood na movies. waah. talo pa ako. hehe. oh well.

at eto, from Shy's site.. :D

"Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Rather, it's a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan." -Serendipity

and because i haven't seen the movie yet and i've been wanting to see it, i decided to watch it online :D (thanks to him for sharing this site to me: http://ineedpopcorn.com)

oh by the way, here's another tagline, apart from "Destiny.. With A Sense of Humor" and "Can Once In A Lifetime Happen Twice?", for Serendipity, which i found in The Internet Movie Database (IMDB): "When Love Feels Like Magic, It's called Destiny. When Destiny Has A Sense of Humor, It's Called Serendipity."

magandang hapon! ^_^

i cried.. so what? :D

2009-04-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

i am happy to tell you that after a long time, i cried again. haha. oh yes, i cried last night, i mean on tuesday night (march 31). and you know what? it feels really really good. :D haha. nababaliw na ba ako? bakit ba ako natutuwa? hindi naman tears of joy yun? wala lang. matagal na rin kasi akong hindi umiiyak. nakakamiss lang. haha. besides, heart-to-heart talk kasi talaga yun with God. so malamang, di ko talaga mapipigilan yung luha. ayun. wala naman akong balak ikwento pa kung anong dahilan ng pag-iyak ko. pero ang mahalaga, napatunayan kong tao pa pala ako - may puso't damdamin. marunong masaktan. haha. drama. joke lang. :D pero seryoso, at least nalaman ko sa sarili ko na hindi naman pala ako manhid. :p at masaya talaga ako. in fact, after ko ngang umiyak, mega picture na uli ako e. haha. at in fairness, hindi naman halatang umiyak pala ako. :))

ang blog post na ito ay isang pag-alala. shocks, maalaala mo kaya? haha. i told a joke! :D (naalala ko lang si achmed, the dead terrorist. :D silence, i kill you! haha. cute talaga nun. :D)

seriously, gusto ko lang alalahanin yung 1st three months ng taon ko. ^_^

i would say it's a roller-coaster ride. daming ups and downs, curves and bends.. pero i definitely enjoyed the ride! oh yes!

at sobrang thankful ako sa lahat ng taong naging bahagi ng first three months ng 2009 ko. ^_^

why would i wait for dec 31 bago pa mag-thank you sa mga taong naging part ng buhay ko when i can do it now?! diba? :D

kaya eto na ang mga gusto kong pasalamatan (so far.. :D)

1. ang mahal kong pamilya - kelangan pa bang imemorize yan? hehe. sobrang mahal ko sila. kahit pa lagi akong wala sa bahay at hindi na masyadong nakakatulong. huhu. sorry na. ganun talaga pag artista ang isang miyembro ng pamilya, maraming commitments. hehe. nagkaroon nga ng time na lagi nila akong kasama, may sakit naman ako nun. tsk. pero salamat salamat sa walang sawang suporta at pag-unawa. :)

2. friends - naman! sino-sino nga ba kayo? haha. alam niyo na kung sino kayo. hindi ko na kayo iisa-isahin pa. :D alam ko maraming maraming marami akong pagkukulang sa inyo. kasi as usual, busy ako. hehe. pero alam niyo namang kahit hindi niyo ako maasahan sa good times, during bad times, definitely kakampi at karamay niyo ako. i love you guys! makakabawi rin ako sa inyo. :)

3. SFC/GK (SAGIP) - lalo na yung chapter namin. at lalo na yung music min. at syempre, makakalimutan ko ba yung SFC Choral Manila? :) words are not enough. basta alam niyong buhay ko ang SFC lalo na ang pagkanta at pag-aalaga ng mga makukulit pero masasayang kasamang mga bata. :)

4. long-lost friends - oh yeah! i'm super happy na na-contact, nakita, nakasama, naka-message sa friendster o sa multiply, naka-text, o kung ano pa man. hehe. basta salamat. i hope to stay in contact with you. :) (at dahil konti lang kayo, special mention na kayo. hehe: dan, fred, nap, kareen, rianna, analyn, AT RIZ STEPHANIE! - girl, i so miss you! lalo na pag nagkakasabay tayo sa jeep dati. kwentuhan to the max. haha. i hope to see you soon!)

5. ACL family - ang mga karamay ko sa thesis. oh yes, pamilya ko na rin sila. :) salamat sa walang sawang pagtuturo at pag-alalay lalo na kay sir henry at ate jas. patience is their virtue. :)

may nakalimutan pa ba ako? hmmm. yung iba, secret na e. patago lang kasi. haha. hay nako. kasi naman, bakit ba may mga over-selosong boyfriends? haha. peace sis. :D hindi ko tuloy mabanggit yung name mo, fine, si Tin na nga lang! haha. Tin, thank you ng marami dahil sa wakas natuloy din ang ating date. next time, date uli tayo. at sana sis, makatakas ka uli para makasama ka uli namin! :D

nakakatuwa lang. ang dami na rin palang nangyari sa nakalipas na 3 buwan. at ang dami ko na ring napuntahan. yahoo! :D

i'm looking forward to more exciting adventures sa mga susunod pang mga araw. 3 months pa lang ang nagdaan, may 9 pa. at alam ko, marami pang mangyayari. :)

to end this post, i would like to share the results of the quizzes i took in facebook. haha. na-enjoy ko naman ang quizzes dun. ang galing tsumamba e. hehe.

game, eto na. :D hindi na ako maglalagay ng reactions pero for those who know me well, alam kong alam niyo na kung anong reaction ko. hehe. :D

What does your birthday say about you?
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

What Musical Are You? Phantom of the Opera
You love a classic, timeless, llifestyle. You appreciate the arts and the rarity of true love. When it comes along you embrace it full force and never look back, though on occasion you find yourself torn between two great loves. You are somewhat timid, but more talented than you know. You sometimes dwell on the past but all you ask is to be loved.. ->>love me, that's all i ask of you.. haha.. kumanta pa talaga. :D

What were you born to do? Doctor/Nurse
You are kind and patient. Born to help people.

What's your name meaning?
your name's got a deep meaning and reveals an hypnotic personality! -->> ano daw? hypnotic personality? ano yun?! haha. :D nakaka-hypnotize ako? parang hindi naman. hehe.

Which Grease Character are you? Olivia Newton John (Sandy)
you are a quiet, shy girl who concentrates more on her studies than social life. you make friends easily but have a nervous disposition. you follow your parents' rules and always stick to curfews, you won't drink unless at a family party and smoking is out of the question. you wear sensible clothing and you are well spoken. you are attractive and have the most beautiful hair! all your friends like you and support you with anything, and you return the favor. you also have a dark side waiting to be released, all you have to do is pick one and say...YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT..to be..

Who were you in a past life? Queen Elizabeth I.
In your past life you were Queen Elizabeth I. In this life you continue to have strong relationships with friends, have a conservative disposition, use your sexuality to gain power, and are careful to not take sides.. -->>yeba! i was, still am, and will always be a royalty. :D

What Element are you? Water
You are cool and quiet, but this does not mean that you don't you loud moments. You are a spiritual person and you are sensitive to the feelings of the people around you. You are rather well rounded and are some where in between introvert and extrovert. You occasionally have your dark moments in which you become reclusive and think things over.

What is your theme song? Somewhere over the rainbow
You are sweet, innocent, daydream frequently, and like to wear sparkly shoes. When asked where you prefer to be on Friday nights, your response? There's no place like home... well, at least not on THIS side of the rainbow.

Which Fairy Are you? Air Fairy
The Air Fairy is teeming with creative energy. She loves all art, music, stories, imaginion, anything that helps her escape her own boring reality. She pours all her emotion into what she does, which makes her an extraordinary artist. Her natural exhuberance gains her many friends, but she likes being by herself doing what she does best, dreaming! She's friendly, but sometimes seems distant and often loses herself (or others) in her thoughts. She might seem eccentric, but it's just her being herself, which is what everyone should do! -->> oh yeah! i so agree. :D

ang dami no? hehe. o siya, tulog na ako. umaga na pala. :D marami pang gagawin bukas, i mean mamaya. :D

magandang araw mga kaibigan! ^_^

the greatest love that anyone could ever know..

2009-04-01T20:52:00.000+08:00

..that overcame the cross and grave to find my soul..

this is one of my favorite songs.. it's simply moving..

and what about that song? nothing special. it's just that now more than ever, i feel that crazy little thing called LOVE.. but it's not just love.. it's a very special love, the perfect one.

one of the tasks i've written in my "to-do list" for today is blogging. i even wrote down the things i want to share.. but as jireh said in one of his blogs, and i quote: "It's amazing how inspirations or motivations come at us all of a sudden. Without warning, without even a hint that it's coming. And you are glad it's that way because you wouldn't have had it any other way. It's like a nice surprise present."

indeed, today i was inspired to write something about LOVE. i know it's the first of April, and it's definitely not the "love month" but that's what my heart tells me to write about.. and i trust my heart. :)

the inspiration actually came from shy's blog (Paano Ba Ako Magmahal? =)), particularly the Bridgemaster video from YouTube. (thanks for sharing sis!)

i've been wanting to blog about last Sunday's homily (the grain of wheat) but i just couldn't find enough inspiration to do so.. until i came across that Bridgemaster video.

it is only now, just now, that i am able to organize my thoughts.

and here's that powerful message.. the message of LOVE..

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but shall have everlasting life." - who can ever forget that famous verse (John 3:16)?

2 Sundays ago, Father Hernan, in his homily, asked us, "if we weren't sinners, do you think God would still send His Son?"

what do you think? yes, still? not anymore? maybe?

the answer is YES. because God sent Jesus because of His LOVE for us. to save us from our sins is just a consequence of that love, therefore, a secondary reason.

and how is it connected to last Sunday's homily? simply this: God showed His love for us through His Son's sacrifice.. how we respond to that sacrifice, is our way of showing how we love God.

the essence of last Sunday's Gospel is found in this verse: "Amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit." (John 12:24)

Jesus came to die, not to live. just as He did, we are called to live a life of sacrifice. the proper response to The Son's sacrifice is also a sacrifice. let me explain further. :)

in the Bridgemaster video, the father sacrificed his son to save the lives of the passengers. a certain lady, an addict, witnessed how deeply hurt the father was. and that made her think of the life she leads. in the end, she chose to make the sacrifice of change (i strongly believe that to change for the better is one big sacrifice, a very challenging one). and when that father (who lost his son) saw that lady again, carrying her son, he smiled for he knew his son's life was indeed able to save a lost soul.

i believe that is also also how God feels every time a sinner repents and finally seeks devotion. and i guess that's all He ever wanted.

Father Babes made his point clear during his homily last Sunday: "LET OTHERS BENEFIT FROM YOUR SACRIFICE." Jesus sacrificed His life so that we may benefit from His death; He's the grain of wheat which fell to the ground, died, and produced lot of fruits - changed lives, healed wounds, blessed minds, purified hearts. ^_^

just like the grain of wheat, let not our lives be just a matter of existence and death, let it be a LIFE THAT MATTERS, A LIFE WELL LIVED, A LIFE OF SACRIFICE FOR OTHERS. i remember this: "it's not how long you lived, but HOW WELL you lived." do we live for ourselves? or do we live for others and for God?

again, God so loved us that He sent His Son not to live, but to die for us. as a response to that love and sacrifice, let's not just live for ourselves, instead, let us live to die for others. i think that's the best way to show our love for the Father. ^_^

just a random thought.. something to think about.. ^_^ in the Lord's Prayer, the word "love" was never mentioned. they say that it's because the greatest expression of love is forgiveness. ^_^

that's all. let LOVE rule! ^_^

I will live to LOVE YOU.
I will live to bring YOU praise.
I will live a child in awe of YOU.
(Til I See You, Hillsong United)

because i'm in the mood.. and because i have time..

2009-03-29T19:17:00.000+08:00

dadaldal ako. :D

matagal-tagal din akong hindi nakapagkwento. bakit? e kasi naman artista nga ako, sobrang hectic ng schedule. haha. seriously, super mega over busy talaga. kung makikita niyo lang yung planner ko, hindi lang puno, umaapaw pa. hehe. hyperbole. :D

pero dahil matatapos na ang buwan, at marami-rami na akong naipong kwento, thoughts, at kung ano-ano pa, i decided na mag-blog muna. yey! hehe. na-miss ko ring magkwento. at sa totoo lang, super therapeutic talaga ang blogging for me. during times na sobrang ngarag at stressed na ako, i take a break by reading my previous blog entries. tapos yun, matatawa na lang ako. lalo na sa mga wrong spelling, wrong grammar, at kung ano-ano pang wrong. haha. pero nakakatulong talaga. at least natatawa ako. sabi nga laughter is the best medicine diba? :D

naku, mukhang mahaba-habang kwentuhan ito. hehe.

hmm.. where do i begin.. to tell the story of how great a love can be.. haha. biglang kumanta. :D at dahil sa kantang yan, pinanood ko pa talaga yung movie. haha. 1970 pa siya at naman, kamusta naman yun, sa movie pala na yun nanggaling yung pamosong linya na "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

ayun. wala lang. kwento lang. trivia. hehe.

saan nga ba ako magsisimula? sige, share na lang muna ako ng quotes. :D mula sa aking koleksyon ng mga text message mula sa mga mahal kong kaibigan. :)

onga pala, sorry friends, di na ako masyadong nakakatext. lam niyo naman ang lola niyo, tamad lang talaga magtext. haha. wala lang. lumipas na kasi ako sa period ng buhay na excited pa gumamit ng cellphone. lam niyo yun? parang kung hindi pa talaga importante, hindi ako magtetext. wala lang. sobrang busy na kasi talaga. ayun.

anyway, tama na ang paliwanag.. eto na yung mga text. :D

*Every bad situation will have something positive. Even a stopped clock shows correct time twice a day. So stay positive in life. Just smile. ^_^
- oh yes! i so agree! :D

*As much as you want to plan your life, it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned.
- i like this one. another way of saying "life's full of surprises!"

*You are not any greater when people praise you, nor are you any worse when they criticize you. How you are is how God sees you, nothing more, nothing less... simply PRICELESS!
- i soooooooooooo love this one! kasi totoo naman talaga. God loves us... period. ^_^

*Getting angry is actually punishing yourself with the mistakes of others.
- hmm.. oo nga naman.. may point siya.. kaya ako, hindi na ako nagagalit. :D

*Although we naturally enjoy laughter more than tears, we have to accept that most of the wisdom we've gained along the way, we owe to sad times.
- korek. korek. at isa pang korek. sabi nga ni alanis, "YOU CRY, YOU LEARN" ^_^

*Never let your fear make your decisions. YOU make them.
- ay eto, isang tao lang ang pinasahan ko ng quote na 'to. kasi i really believe that more than anyone else, she needs to receive this message. bakit? kasi, nung minsang nagkausap kame, she insisted that she was afraid of what would have happened kung sakaling nalaman ko agad yung tungkol sa kanila. i won't go into details. pero basta sabi niya kung siya lang daw gusto na talaga niyang sabihin kaso lang natatakot siya. basta ganun. wala lang. ayoko ng magsalita pa. haha. pero basta, tama yung message na 'to. don't blame to fear, or to any feeling for that matter, your wrong decisions. at wag din nateng hayaang emotions naten yung mag-rule. sabi nga ni ate ria, "we are the masters of our emotions". so kung meron mang dapat masunod, hindi emosyon, kundi yung judgment at conscience naten. ayun. na-realize ko nga e, kung hinayaan kong takot yung gagawa ng decisions ko, malamang hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin kame magkaibigan ng isa sa tinuturing kong closest friend. kung nakinig ako sa iba, dapat hindi ako masaya ngayon. don't get me wrong, it's okay to ask for others' opinion. in fact, kelangan talaga nateng gawin yun. at sa totoo lang din, kelangan din nateng i-consult yung mga nararamdaman naten. pero ang final decision, dapat, saten pa rin manggaling. at kung ano man yung maging decision naten, panindigan naten yun. kasi yun ang pinili nateng gawin. i mean, we were given options diba? so kung ano yung pinili naten, pangatawanan na naten. did i make sense? haha. sorry naman, nawala kasi yung momentum ko sa pagsusulat. nanood pa kasi ng Love Story e. haha. ayun.

may isa pa akong naalala. familiar ba kayo dito: "love is not a feeling. it's a decision."?

well, personally, agree ako dun. love is indeed a decision. kasi kung feelings lang ang magiging basehan naten, wala na sigurong nagtagal na relationship. why? because feelings change. one moment sobrang importante sa'yo yung isang tao, the next moment, wala lang siya. hay nako, pinagdaanan ko na yan. haha. pero at least napatunayan ko na kaya ko palang gumawa ng "decision to love", yun nga lang.. yun nga lang.. haha. ayokong magkwento. :p

*This is the greatest gift God can give you: to understand what happened in your life; to have it explained. It is the peace you have been searching for. [The Blue Man, The Five People You Meet in Heaven]
- yho, thanks for this message. ang ganda rin nito. agree ako. at kung ako ang tatanungin, hindi pa lahat, pero most of the things that have happened in my life, naintindihan ko na. and yes, sobrang at peace na ako. ^_^

*If you feel like no one cares about you, think again. Look in the mirror, because the person you see needs you more than anyone else.
- oh yes again. umm, batch, this message is for you.

at.. last but not the least.. eto ay galing kay alpha margaux quelnan (naks, complete name. haha.) na ayon sa kanya ay galing sa book of colors ni ate lady.. tama ba heelz? hehe.

*October 15: Your color is lilac snow. You have a gift for storytelling and an appreciation for beauty. (aha! agree. :D) The performing arts can be a great vehicle for your many talents. (huwow! many talents?! hindi naman. singing lang tsaka writing tsaka singing tsaka writing. haha.) You can do well in front of an audience, especially if the words you speak resonate within your heart. (hmm.. ??) You have a strong magnetism that makes you attractive to others. (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! hahahaha. adik! talaga lang ha? san banda? hehe.) It is important to surround yourself with people and objects that promote harmony. (hmm.. friends, nagpopromote ba kayo ng harmony? haha.)

hayyyyyyyy.. ang bilis naman ng oras.. at ang dami ko na palang nasabi.. hehe.. tama na muna 'to.. maya-maya uli. :D

pahinga muna. ^_^

ay wala lang sige pala, kwento pa pala. hehe. ayun. sobrang natutuwa lang ako sa sarili ko. hehe. oh yes, i love myself. :D yun nga kasi, may isa akong nakausap and while listening to her, i realized how weak she/they thought i was. sabi ko nga sa kanya, "grabe ate, ganun kahina yung tingin niyo sken? hindi niyo nga ako kilala." wala lang. naging common misconception na talaga na kapag ang isang tao ay umiiyak, mahina siya. at eto pa, kaya naisipan kong ituloy ang kwento, kakapanood ko lang sa commercial ng All About Eve yung scene na nakita ni Jean Garcia si Sunshine Dizon na umiiyak. tapos ang sabi niya, "ang umiiyak, talo." i definitely do not agree! hindi dahil sa umiiyak ang isang tao ibig sabihin hindi na siya lumalaban. oh well, hindi ko na kailangang ipaliwanag yun. kanya-kanyang pananaw kasi yan e. pero yun nga, kung ganun kahina ang tingin niyo sa mga taong umiiyak, nagkakamali kayo.

ngayon, bakit ko nasabing natutuwa ako sa sarili ko? kasi napatunayan ko kung sino at ano talaga ako. hindi ako gaya ng iniisip niya o nila. i even exceeded my expectations. alam kong malakas ako but i never thought that i was and i am THIS strong. and i know, i'm getting stronger and better each day. :D

ayun lang. bigla ko lang naisip yun. :)

seryoso na 'to, pahinga na muna. :D magandang gabi pilipinas. ^_^

on a lighter note. :D

2009-03-14T13:40:00.000+08:00

*got this from friendster. sagot muna, pantanggal stress. :)

1. History of your password:
-- mahalagang #

2. Last text message received from:
-- GLOBE (bal inquiry) :D

3. Last time you cried:
-- kanina lang.

4. Age you want to get married:
-- 25 --> ako rin sis! :D goodluck, 2 years na lang pala yun no? ready na ba yung groom ko? waaah. (i don't wanna wait in vain for your love.. haha..)

5. Current feeling:
-- bato ako ngayon. walang pakiramdam. (defense mechanism ko yun. :D)

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS:
1. Gone on a date:
-- yes

2. Lost someone special:
-- yes

3. Been depressed:
-- yes

4. Been drunk and threw up:
-- never

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:
1. Made a new friend:
-- i guess so

2. Laughed until you cried?
-- yes

3. Met someone who changed your life:
-- this month lang? wala pa.

4. Discover who your true friends are?
-- naman!

5. Is there something you want to tell someone:
-- yes. a lot.

6. How many kids do you want to have:
-- at least 2 (1 boy, 1 girl - my anja)

7. Do you have any pets:
-- wala

8. Do you wanna change your name :
-- no. i love my name. :D

9. What did you do yesterday:
-- woke up smiling, ate a lot, studied, fixed things, sang, cried, smiled again. :D

10.Last time you had pizza:
-- feb 21, ICON (breakfast)

11.What time did you wake up today:
-- ask my boss. :D going 9 na rin yun e.

12.What were you doing at 10:30 p.m. last night:
-- talking to God.

where's 13?

14.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
-- err. meron ba? wala naman. pero marami akong gustong baguhing sitwasyon.

15.What are you listening to right now?
-- ngayon, BUTTERFLY (Mariah Carey).. oh yeah! panalo talaga mellow! :D

16.Most visited webpage?
-- mail, multiply, fs, sfcglobal, sfcinfosystem

17.Who made you sad?
-- siya

18. Who made you happy?
-- siya rin (kung sinong nagpapasaya sayo, yun din ang nagpapalungkot sayo. hayy. haha. enough of the drama. chill. :D)

19.Who are with you right now?
-- ma & pa

20. Say you were in a relationship for 2 years and your boy/girlfriend cheated on you:
-- grrr. no comment. haha.

21. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about?
-- my heart's desires.

22. Your most recent ex says he/she hates you, you say:
-- nothing. wala akong magagawa kung yun ang nararamdaman niya.

23. Are you afraid of roller coasters?:
-- no! :D

24. Would you rather go to a party in or out of town?:
-- out of town.

25. What are you supposed to be doing right now?:
-- taking a bath and preparing for clp. hehe. promise, tapusin ko lang po 'tong survey. :D

26. One wish?:
-- hay. God knows.

27. How is life going for you right now?
-- it's a roller coaster ride (with all the ups & downs, happiness & sadness...)

28. Who do you wish to see now?:
-- si boss.

29. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?:
-- hmm. hindi ako ang dapat magsabi e. basta. :D

30. Last person to comment you?:
-- sa fs, si ruth (westlife sister ko. :D)

31. Is there any meaning behind your profile song?:
-- umm, yung playlist ko sa multiply theme songs ng life ko.

32. Do you believe what comes around goes around?:
-- yes

33. What is your favorite fruit?:
-- mango! naman! ang tanging prutas na hindi ko pagsasawaan. :D

34. Do you trust people easily?:
-- hndi masyado

35. Do you give out second chances easily?:
-- it really depends.

36. Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?:
-- i love hugs from people i love.. :)

36. Done anything illegal?
-- umm. meron na rin ata.

37. Last received call.
-- invitation from bea.

38. Are you a lover or a fighter?
-- both. :D

39. What colour are your eyes?:
-- black.

40. When was the last time you went out?
-- wednesday. HLT. mamaya, CLP. :D

41. What was the last movie you saw?
-- sa moviehouse? umm.. nights in rodanthe? haha. loser no?

42. Who made you smile today?:
-- yung gumising sken kanina. :)

43. Do you smile a lot?
-- yes. ms. smiling face ata ako. haha.

>>tapos na? haha. bitin. thanks ruth for posting this! stress-reliever. :D

just another blog entry. ^_^

2009-03-12T13:41:00.001+08:00

if i may say so, i've been through heaven and hell during the previous week. it all started last wednesday, during our ministry practice. i won't tell the details as i wouldn't want to remember the fear that i and the rest of the music min members have felt. but i tell you, it was a horrible experience. (enough said). then come friday. still going through some emotional stress, i was forced to face another heartache. for on friday noon, i learned that francis "kiko" magalona passed away. and still haven't recovered from the shocking and really heartbreaking news, i got a message from jat, the CLP team leader, telling me that he just met an accident. c'mon! i may be superwoman, but hey, i'm still human. i tried to calm myself down. i kept still. i prayed. i left home feeling ok, well at least that's how i felt (and thought).

i have always believed that everything happens for a reason. and i knew very well that what we have gone through (me, the music min, our chapter, the leaders) are all but tests of how strong we are as individuals and as a chapter. come to think of it, we've been through tremendous trials (individually and as a group) during the week of our CLP orientation. great timing right? and the finale of it all? on friday night, just when i arrived at the venue for our monthly chapter assembly, i collapsed! (oh yeah, i made a scene again. hay. most embarassing moment part 2). i really don't know why. all i know is that i suddenly felt weak (seemed like my system has crashed). i even told ate flory about it (she was the last person i talked to - through text as i travel to lifehomes). thank you to the sisters who did their best to keep me conscious. to those who held my hand and kept telling me to hold on. thank you to the brothers who carried me and rushed me to holy life (a bit of history, it was where i first got admitted because of my tummy problem). thank you to everyone who prayed for me. thank you to those who called and sent me messages. to those who paid me a visit. to everyone who worried and were concerned, many many thanks. but most especially, thank you jat, sidh, and tin. you know why i'm thanking you guys. you were the ones who stayed by me when i was lying on that bed (jat was holding my left hand, sidh was holding my right hand, and tin was holding the hot bag to keep my feet warm). you were the ones who made me laugh through the tears. i can't thank you enough. (and also to kuya don and daddy mike who were also there. ^_^)

moving on... :D so there, i wasn't able to attend the orientation that saturday night. and also, i wasn't able to serve in the mass on sunday morning. plus, i wasn't able to support the leafletting. for the nth time, i'm under house arrest. (haha. hyperbole. :D)

on monday morning, mama and i went to my doctor. my tummy missed him, i guess (because since that friday night, i've been battling against pain, and i mean extreme stomach pains. in fact, mama & papa have thought of bringing me to the hospital again but i refused to be brought there because i know they would inject something on me again and there's really a high probability that i would be advised to stay there for at least a day. and i really don't like that idea. after all that i've been through last year, i swear i have already dreaded hospitals and medicines and doctors.).

so what did my doctor say? actually, he wasn't there. hehe. he's still out of the country. dr. vergara was the one who told me that i'm sick again. and i got hit by the same illness that i had before. great great. honestly, i have already expected it. i mean, i've been there, and yes, it was the same thing as what i am going through right now. i was also informed then that it could recur especially when i experience stress. oh yeah, define stress. haha. tsk. so how's my condition? well, i'm quite good. i'm getting better each day. and one good thing i'm thankful for is, according to dr. vergara, i have a healthy heart! yehey! :D it's just that i have a very rebellious/pasaway tummy. but it's okay, i'm still the boss. and i won't tolerate it's rebellion. :D i'm taking medicines again (and an anti-stress vitamins, not stresstabs though. :D) and for two weeks, i'm on a strict diet again. no liquids other than water. that's the saddest part. :(( i can't even drink gatorade. huhu. i can choose not to follow the doctor's advise but it would still be me on the losing end - i would have to endure the pain and take the risk of getting things worse. in short, i have no choice. haha.

what did i learn? simply this: while God is busy doing His work, and while we, as God's army, are also busy fulfilling the mission assigned to us, Satan is also busy doing his thing to hinder us and keep us from getting to the "finish line". the devil is so afraid of the fact that we can and we will win the battle. and so, he's doing everything and he's using everything - even our intentions, even our prayers, even our wishes and desires to stop us from winning. his major goal is to defeat us, but no, he'll never succeed. i had told a close friend about one of my prayers which i think satan heard and used to bring me down by making me experience pain again. but poor devil, i think he still haven't realized how great and powerful my God is. he may have hit me badly, but as they say, and i love saying this, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. and with every pain, be it emotional or physical, that i am able to get through, i only get stronger and wiser and better. so thank you satan, for testing me. you only make me a better me, and guess what, you bring me closer and closer to my Creator. no, you weren't able to break my faith, you simply strengthen it. :D and no, you weren't able to stop me and my chapter and the whole community from doing God's work and bringing people closer to Him, you simply challenged us and made us more determined to fight and win. :D we won't back down. we won't surrender. we will move even farther. forward in and with Christ! ^_^

let me end this post with these words from the late master rapper. (i'll leave the interpretation to you. the wisdom that i got may be different from yours. :D) he has inspired a lot. he made the filipinos proud. he had lived a full life. and just like him, i am also ready to fight and win a happy battle. (i may post something about him soon. i swear i still have a lot to share. :D)

"My motto in life is to be a sponge. I absorb everything." -FM

P.S. you may wonder, where's the "heaven part" of my week? well, everything that made my week is part of my experience of heaven. :)

and another P.S. :D i have also learned that nagging doesn't help in any way. haha. sorry girlfriends, i really have to say this. i do appreciate your concern, but please, do not nag. i'm sorry if i was a nagger too (though i don't think i was. :D). but hey, i realized that it's just so irritating. especially when everyone's doing it already. mama nags. then i'll receive a message from a girlfriend asking about my condition. then i'll tell her about what happened. then she nags. then another girlfriends texts and nags. my goodness. hehe. i know you love me, but even if you say that you nag with love, still, it won't change the fact that you nag. haha. i'm really sorry. i'm not really a girl. i don't support nagging. :D mwah! love you girls! :D

I Will Move

2009-02-28T08:49:00.000+08:00

i will move
i will run
i will climb the highest mountain
for You are my priceless gold
i'll be swift
i'll be bold
from this land i'll conquer to the world
for You are my King and my God
i will move

that's the chorus of the conference song, "Move" by Bro. Mike Serapio. and that's also the battle cry of the community this year: MOVE (FORWARD IN CHRIST).

as promised, i'll be sharing the conference proper (especially for those who were not able to attend the conference: my twin sister shy and soul sister mae). what i'll be sharing are the notes provided in the kit, my personal thoughts, and the thoughts i heard from our last night's chapter teaching. by the way, i would like to commend our sharers, ate julie, ate flory, kuya ralph, kuya rhed, sidh, tin, and glenn for giving great insights. honestly, i felt like i was in the conference again. God really spoke through you guys last night. thanks for letting Him use you. :)

Session 1: in Christ... this is the life!
Speaker: Kuya Jomar Salumbides

The SFC life is a life where Christ is alive. It is...
... a life of revelations
... a life of conversion
... a life of healing and forgiveness
... a life of mission and sacrifice
... a life of fulfilled promises

But more than anything, it has been a life lived with Jesus.

Everything points to Jesus! My life should reveal Him. In Him I am healed and forgiven. He IS the promise fulfilled.

In all my experiences, Jesus has brought out the very best out of all that I have gone through, simply because He went through them with me.

Jesus calls me to a life lived with, a life in, and a life for Him each and every day! There is no other life to be lived. THIS IS THE LIFE!

*What touched me most about this talk was the parade of real people who have experienced conversion. From sexual addicts to Gospel addicts, from abused to wounded healers. Their stories are really moving and inspiring. Indeed, with God, nothing is ever impossible. Because even the gravest sins are forgiven, even the most painful experiences are turned into blessings, and even the most difficult persons are loved and converted. That's how God works. Simply amazing. And yes, despite all the imperfections of the community, despite all the pain, the stress, the frustrations, I still am, and will always be thankful that I am here in SFC. This is where I belong. Because THIS IS MY LIFE.

Ate Julie, in her sharing last night, defined life as what differs us from the dead. She got it from a book (I forgot the title, sorry. I'd ask her later. :D). And with that definition, she encouraged us to live life the way it should be lived - full & with purpose. I remember the batte cry during the "Home" Conference: Love Deeply. Live Fully. And what better statement could describe that kind of life than this: JESUS INSIDE!

*Just live your life with God inside, you won't regret one moment of it.* - Free, Hillsong

Session 2: forgetting what lies behind
Speaker: Kuya Michael Arriola*

*he was our recollection master (during the Pre-ICON recollection for the service team)

**for this part, i would just post what's written on the kit because it truly says it all.**

Similar to my own life, even my icon, Jesus, did not live in perfect conditions:

Jesus was tempted (Desert Experience)
Jesus was betrayed (Judas & Peter)
Jesus was scourged (Passion)
Jesus was forsaken (Crucifixion)

If I constantly look to Jesus, He will enable me to see beyond my imperfect conditions and help me resolve to make the best out of what I am blessed to be part of.

Jesus made LOVING ME His primary business on earth. He showed me how to deal with my human emotions, to overcome temptations and to resolve conflict. He assures me that He is with me and that He will never give up on me.

(Sorry, I have to share this song... NEVER GIVE UP - JOSH BATES)

Time after time You’ve been left behind
like the sun when it’s starting to rain
Time after time You’ve been forgotten
like a picture that’s faded with age
Time after time You ran after me
when I was still running away

You never give up on me
No, You never give up on me
Though I’m weak You are strong
You told me I still belong
No, You never, never give up on me

Time after time I’ve used Your grace
as a way to do what I please
I’ve taken for granted prayers that You answered
never been all I could be
You are holding out Your hands
and now I clearly see

You never give up on me
No, You never give up on me
Though I’m weak You are strong
You told me I still belong
No, You never, never give up on me

You always erase all my mistakes
You lift me up when I'm down
Through all the ages, Your love never changes
You welcome me just as I am

You never give up on me
No, You never give up on me
Though I’m weak You are strong
You told me I still belong
No, You never, never give up on me

During times when I can't understand what is happening in my life, I will go to the One who not only understands me, but also loves me completely. He will grace me with what I need to fill my heart with peace, regardless of my circumstances.

Trial after trial, suffering after suffering He experienced, His response was always to go back to the Father. I know I should also nurture an intimate relationship with the Father so that I can also be confident to run to Him.

*The session ended with the band singing this beautiful and moving song. I have always loved singing this because it really is my song. (WHO AM I - CASTING CROWNS)

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

i couldn't say anything more. this talk is really for me. and believe it or not, as i type, tears are flowing from my eyes. i still can hear God speaking. and right this moment, i can feel His embrace. it feels like i'm having a conference at home, with Him. (Abba, thank You. I missed You. Thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for loving me completely, unconditionally, eternally.)

Just one last thing, let me share Ate Flory's sharing last night: Forget, but remember with gratitude. Why? Because everything happens for a reason. And God uses even the darkest times of our life to lead us to the LIGHT. It is but proper to thank Him for everything because without those experiences, we will never grow, we will never learn.

Session 3: Setting our Hearts on the Prize (Benediction & High Mass)
(Sorry guys, I wasn't able to note the name of our speaker and the priests. This was the time when we were preparing for the High Mass.)

Nothing in the world can make sense to me unless I keep Jesus in my life. I may be rich, well-known, even loved by many, but these will not last if I do not encounter Jesus in them. I NEED JESUS IN MY LIFE because JESUS IS LIFE.

Jesus is not only a role model. More importantly He is Someone who wants to have the deepest, most intimate friendship with me. He takes delight in my company and His heart is gripped with love for me.

The love of my God is beyond words. He desires to be forever in union with me. Out of love for the Father and for us, our icon Jesus allowed Himself to suffer and die on the cross to bring forth life.

Through the celebration of the Holy Eucharist, Jesus allows me to be united with and in Him.

I share in that suffering and death every time I experience my own trials and sufferings. I receive life every time I participate in the celebration of the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist and receive His body and blood - and by God's grace, I become a bearer of life to others.

*The most striking statement during this session was this: MAKE YOUR OWN LOVE STORY WITH GOD. We were challenged to make every day a profession of our love for our Creator. Let us make our lives a love story with and for God. Just thought of this song: How sweet it is to be loved by You. Indeed, to love and to be loved is the most beautiful feeling and what greater feeling would there be than to love and be loved by no less than the FATHER? :)

Session 4: Forward in Christ
Speaker: Kuya Aldy Katigbak

I can now move forward because I do so IN Christ. I will remember the posture of Jesus' heart...

C Catholic
H Humble
R Radical
I Intercessory
S Sacrificial
T Togetherness

Only in Christ Jesus will I be able to move forward in the right direction, with the right attitude and with sufficient love.

SFC Vision: Every single man & woman all over the world experiencing Christ.

SFC Mission: Building the Church of the home and building the Church of the poor.

*With Jesus as our ICON, we can never go wrong. I have one realization here, moving on is never enough, we have to MOVE FORWARD.. in Christ and with Christ.

I remember what Msgr. Pagulayan told me when I confessed to him: You have already moved forward and there's no more chance to look and turn back. As long as you no longer have hatred in your heart, you don't need to worry about not having a past relationship restored. It happened because God made it happen. Because He has a better plan and a better path for you.

Allow me to share this beautiful verse from the book of Joshua. I believe that this is what we need as we move forward - an affirmation that we are never alone. As we march as God's army, let's take these words in our hearts. Let them be our shield and our most powerful weapon as we face the battle.

JOSHUA 1:1-9 (I WILL BE WITH YOU)
[1]After the death of Moses, Yahweh spoke to Joshua, the son of Nun and the minister of Moses, and said to him: [2]"My servant Moses is dead; therefore, the hour has come for you to cross the Jordan River, and all the people shall go with you to the land which I give to the sons of Israel. [3]I give you all the places where you set your feet, as I promised Moses. [4]Your frontiers will extend from the mountain of Lebanon in the north, to the desert in the south, as far as the great Euphrates in the east and the Great Sea in the west.

[5]As long as you live, no one will be able to stand against you. I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not leave you or abandon you. [6]Be valiant and have courage for I will give this people the land I swore to their fathers I would give them. [7]Therefore, be brave and faithfully fulfill the Law which Moses, my servant, gave you. Do not turn aside from it either to the right or to the left, and you shall succeed wherever you go. [8]Constantly read the book of this Law and meditate on it day and night that you may truly do what it says. So shall your plans be fulfilled and you shall succeed in everything. [9]It is I who command you; be strong, then, and be valiant. Do not tremble or be afraid, because Yahweh, your God, is with you wherever you go."

I'll end this post with the community's theme song for this year. With that, may God be praised! :)

WE'LL BE FAITHFUL

Forgetting what lies behind
Setting our hearts on the prize
Always keeping our eyes on our Lord Jesus
We're running the race to win
All the way to the end
Laying down every sin that would seek to hinder us

And we'll be faithful
To our calling
For You are able to keep us from falling
For in Your promise, we will trust
We'll be faithful to finish the work You began in us

FORWARD IN CHRIST!

mahabang kwento..

2009-02-28T06:19:00.000+08:00

matagal ko ng gustong gawin 'to pero ngayon lang talaga ako nakanakaw ng oras. take note, ninakaw ko pa talaga yung oras. hehe.

gusto ko lang magkwento tungkol sa mga nangyari noong nakalipas na ilang araw. warning lang, hindi ko alam kung gano kahaba ang post na ito. basta magkukwento lang ako. kung tamad na kayong basahin, e di stop na. hehe.

game.

feb. 19 - we left manila. 1st time kong makasakay ng plane. wohoo! ang saya. window side pa ako. kaya lang sa sobrang excitement ko, nakalimutan kong ang bubble gum pala ay kinakain sa plane at hindi sa taxi. haha. ayun, ang sakit tuloy ng tenga ko. naubos ko na kasi yung bubble gum na binigay ni zhel sa taxi pa lang. adik no? hehe. oh well, buhay pa naman ako at nakakarinig pa nung dumating kame ng tagbilaran kaya ok lang. i survived. :D

delayed ang flight namin so natural late din kameng dumating sa bohol at hindi na nasunod yung dapat na itinerary namin ng thursday. mag-aso falls at hinagdanan cave lang ang napuntahan namin. kumain sa masarap na ihawan sa tagbilaran at bumalik na sa apartelle. na-discover namin na meron palang swimming pool doon kaya mega lublob kameng sisters. ang sarap ng tubig, very relaxing. kaya naman ang sarap din ng tulog namin nung gabing yun.

feb. 20 - day tour sa bohol. we first went to chocolate hills. pinost ko na 'to sa photo section pero in case di niyo nabasa, share ko uli. :D ayon kay manong tour guide, by the name of kuya undoy, there are 1216 chocolate hills. sakop ang 3 bayan ng carmen, batuan, at sagbayan. sa sagbayan peak, makikita na ang cebu. ang ginawa nilang tourist destination ay ang bayan ng carmen kung saan matatagpuan ang highest hill (at yun na mismo yung tourist spot. dun nagpapa-picture, nandun yung wishing bell, etc.) why was it called chocolate hills? ang sabi kasi ni ate che, at tama rin naman, naisip lang daw niya, kung brown yung hills na yun, ibig sabihin walang mga puno. eto ang explanation ni kuya undoy: may hills daw na tinutubuan ng mga puno, at ang mga yun ay matatagpuan sa mga bayan ng batuan at sagbayan. sa bayan ng carmen, damo lang daw ang tumutubo sa mga burol dun kaya naman tuwing summer, tuyot sila at nagiging brown. makes sense diba? :D ayun.

next destination, man-made forest. i was amazed by the story behind its creation. nung 1970's daw, nagkaroon ng malawakang tree planting. i forgot kung ilang hectares yung tinaniman basta malaking area. the participants planted mahogany trees (na napakamahal pag binenta) and since then, hinayaan lang nila na lumago ang mga puno. kaya siya tinawag na "man-made forest". gawa lang talaga siya ng mga tao. ang galing no? i also learned from kuya undoy na bawal ang logging sa bohol. no wonder, never ko pang nabalitaan na nagkaroon ng landslide sa lugar na yun. kaya naman pala, marunong kasi sila mag-alaga ng kayamanang pinagkatiwala sa kanila. *a round of applause and a salute to the boholanos!*

isa pang trivia: alam niyo ba na ang limestone ay ginagawa lang nilang panambak? astig no. sabi nga ni kuya undoy pwede raw kame kumuha ng mga bato para dalhin pabalik e. kaso goodluck naman sa excess baggage. hehe.

sunod naming pinuntahan ang hanging bridge sa loboc, tapos yung tarsier sanctuary. hindi rin pwedeng hindi namin ma-experience ang loboc river cruise. super na-enjoy ko talaga yung panghaharana ni manong at yung sayaw ng natives. naiyak pa ako kasi sobrang overwhelmed ako. basta, ang hirap i-explain. i admire them. they are a great people. at sa totoo lang, kung bibigyan ako ng pagkakataong manirahan dun, hinding-hindi ako magdadalawang-isip. para sa akin, isa siyang munting paraiso. nature at it's best, gaya nga ng sabi ko sa kanya. tapos lahat nagtutulungan. panalo ang tourism nila dun, well-coordinated. may competition syempre pero makikita mo talaga yung tulungan sa bawat isa. astig talaga mga boholano!

last naming pinuntahan ang baclayon church. sobrang konti lang kasi ng time namin dun kaya hindi na namin napuntahan yung iba pang sites. pero ok na rin kasi yung major attractions naman e napuntahan namin. :) going back to baclayon church, isa siya sa oldest churches sa asia and if i remember it right, 1st church ata siya na gawa sa capiz or shells. something like that. i wasn't able to take down notes nung nag-eexplain si kuya undoy pero yun ang tanda ko. hehe.

after the tour, bumalik na kame sa apartelle para kunin ang mga gamit namin. larga naman papuntang pier. we arrived just in time. sumakay kame sa supercat papuntang cebu. at dahil mga pagod, karamihan sa amin tulog during the trip (kaya wala masyadong pictures. hehe.).

cebu na! walang nagsundong van kaya kelangan naming mangontrata. isa lang ang na-realize ko: para rin palang maynila ang cebu, TRAFFIC everywhere! hehe. well, ganun talaga ata pag malapit sa pier e. baka sa ibang parts naman maluwag din yung mga kalsada.

ayun. pagdating pa lang namin, trouble na. basta hindi ko na idedetalye pa yung mga nangyaring hindi maganda at nakakapang-init ng ulo. sa kabuuan naman ay naging maganda at fruitful ang conference. (the conference proper deserves a separate post. at gagawin ko yun after nito. :D)

feb. 21 - 2nd day ng conference at unang sabak namin sa choir. may mga aberya din pero happy naman ako (sana sila rin) sa result. sabi nga ni teacher kumanta lang kame for God, wag na naming isipin pa yung mga tao. promise, ang dami talaga. 7k ba naman e. eto na raw ang largest conference so far. (i'm sure next year mas madami pa yan. kitakits sa davao! :D)

dumating din pala sina billy crawford, iya, kat alano, uma, john pratts, victor basa, tsaka yung isa pang guy. haha. sorry, kapamilya kasi kaya di ko sila kilala. hehe. gk ambassadors sila. ayun. hindi masyadong malinaw yung mga kuha ko kasi malayo na kame sa stage e. pero kung makakasama sila sa bayani challenge sa april, at kung makakasama rin ako, malamang makuhaan ko sila nang malapitan. :D

workshop day din ito. i attended the "light to darkness" workshop kasama sina ate julie, kuya rhed, at kuya don. mas napamahal sa akin ang GK at mas determinado akong maglaan ng oras para makapag-serve through Gawad Kalinga. na-touch ako nang husto dun sa video presentation. at seryosong kinilabutan ako habang kinakanta yung lupang hinirang. i felt the same rush of emotion pag nanonood ako ng UAAP game, lalo na ng cheerdance at sobrang kabado ako for my school. again, mahirap iexplain pero basta ganun yung feeling. super motivating yung talk. mahihiya kang walang gawin para sa bayan natin.

isa pa palang magandang nangyari at sobrang ikinatuwa ko, nagtext sken si dan (classmate ko rin nung grade 3). he thanked me for my prayers. RN na kasi siya. ang galing no?! bago kame umalis ng manila, nalaman namin yung result ng architecture board exam kung saan pumasa sina ate aike at ate dixie. tapos habang nasa conference ako, nalaman ko namang pumasa rin si dan. nakakatuwa lang talaga kapag na-grant yung prayers mo for other people. and so far, lahat ng nagpadasal saken sa board exams, pumasa. kaya maraming manlilibre sken. haha. joke lang. will ni God yun. kaya with or without my prayers, mangyayari talaga yun. :) i'm so happy for the answered prayers. e ako kaya, kelan kaya iga-grant ni God yung prayers ko for myself? bakit pag iba yung pinagdarasal ko naga-grant naman? hehe. nagreklamo. pero minsan talaga nakakasama na ng loob. kasi yung prayers ko para sa iba sinasagot agad, yung para sken, laging delayed e. haha. joke lang po Lord. i know You have plans for me as well. at lahat mangyayari in Your time. i trust You enough. :) at happy na akong makatulong sa iba. kaya people, pag-pray niyo rin ako ha? baka kayo ang kelangan para ma-grant din yung prayers ko. haha. kulit lang. pero seryoso, if you have prayer requests, magsabi lang kayo. i'd be more than willing to pray for you. :)

feb. 22 - last day ng conference. umaaraw, umuulan. pero "the show must go on" sabi nga. after ng lahat ng pagod at puyat, natapos ang conference na may iniwang mahahalagang aral sa bawat isa.

after the conference, kumain ang chapter namin sa CNT lechon, sa tapat lang ng SM. tapos, sumakay na kame ng jeep papuntang Sto. Niño Church. from there, naglakad na papuntang Magellan's Cross at Tabuan Market. humiwalay na ako sa grupo. i went back to SM to meet with an old friend (literally old. haha. joke lang.) Nap. classmates kame from grade 3 to grade 6. he's working in yokogawa at nagkataong sa cebu siya naka-assign ngayon. at oo, nakakatawa lang kasi kelangan ko pang pumunta ng cebu para ma-experience ang mocha blends at figaro. haha. alam niyo naman ako, walang kahilig-hilig sa mga mamahaling lugar. hehe. salamat talaga kay nap. ayun, mega pictorial kame sa ayala at sa i.t. park. ang nice pala dun. balak sana naming pumunta sa tops. kaya lang sabi ni nap mahirap daw yung sasakyan pabalik. at nung nagpunta sila dun, inabot na sila ng umaga. kamusta naman diba? so hindi na kame natuloy. next time na lang. hehe.

pagbalik namin sa sacred heart, kung saan kame tumutuloy, nagkaroon pa kame ng raffle (ng promo pack na natanggap namin sa icon). ang galing lang kasi lahat may nakuha. pati kasi yung paper bag ni-raffle namin e. haha. ang saya lang. kahit na maraming naging problema, at the end of the day, tawanan pa rin lahat. :D

feb. 23 - araw ng pagbalik namin sa manila. umulan pa ng malakas. kamusta naman? at naloko pa kame ng taxi driver. kung kelan last day, dun pa kame nabiktima. oh well. oks lang. inisip na lang namin na tulong namin yun sa kanya. anyway, hanggang sa airport marami pa ring bloopers. kaya walang humpay pa rin ang tawanan at asaran at kulitan. ang saya lang talaga. at syempre hindi ko makakalimutan na ang huling bagay na binili ko sa cebu ay ang shirt na may statement na "i left my heart in cebu." bakit? ah basta, secret. haha. ang cute kasi e. parang ako lang. hehe. nakakatawa pa kasi naman kame yung unang sumakay sa plane. pero bumaba pa kame para magpicturan. haha. ayun, kame tuloy yung huling sumakay. at pagsakay namin, sinara na yung pinto ng plane. kame na lang pala talaga ang hinihintay. haha.

ayan. nasa manila na kame. balik na naman sa pagiging busy sa acads, sa work, at sa kung ano-ano pa. hay. pero at least for 5 days, kahit pano na-relax naman kame. ready na uli sa mga hamon ng buhay. naks. hehe.

yan na lang muna. next post, conference proper na. tapos yung susunod, yung mga nangyari naman after the conference. sasamantalahin ko na ang pagkakataon. baka ten years na naman bago ako makadaldal uli e. hehe.

magandang araw sa lahat! :)

Notes from the Pre-ICON Recollection

2009-02-04T19:12:00.000+08:00

During the days when I wasn't online, I've been busy doing a lot of things, attending a lot of events, and going to a lot of places. Two of the highlights of the previous weeks are the following:
*Jan. 31 - Feb. 1: SFC Weekend 2 (Retreat) - Sitio Mayagay, Sampaloc, Tanay Rizal
*Feb. 3: Pre-ICON Recollection - CFC Center

I also had several company exams and interviews, chorale rehearsals, tutorials, thesis reports, etc. Busy is an understatement. But I thank God for being my Planner. He is simply amazing. Without Him, I would be lost. And so, for my "comeback post", I would like to share the things I have written during last night's recollection. Thanks to Kuya Michael who was a great recollection master and to Brother Ekie(?) for leading us to deep and powerful worship (I missed singing Nothing More & Heaven is Here).

*****
Note: Headings are provided by yours truly. They are only based on my understanding of the things discussed by the speaker/s. ^_^

For service to become a blessing and not a burden, keep in mind these three things:
1. Serve with a joyful heart.
2. Serve with a faithful heart, a heart that prays.
3. Serve with a loving heart.

It's not the talent that you have, it's not how well you do your job, it's the posture of your heart that matters most.

Emptiness is sometimes a state of grace. When you're empty, that's the only time when God can fill you.

5 Must-Have Attitudes of a Servant
1. Be joyful. Rejoice! -> God hears the plea of your heart. (Psalm 6:10; Psalm 34:5)
2. Always stand on the truth. -> Because when you do so, you can never be moved.
3. Live a sacramental life. Be full of grace. (To live a full life, one must receive the Holy Communion and confess regularly.)
4. Remain humble. -> Humility is asking God to take over. Affirm God that without Him, nothing can ever be accomplished.
5. Always act with love. -> The Lord doesn't want your time. The Lord doesn't want your talent and skills. THE LORD WANTS YOU! Let Him know how much you love Him.

That's it. :) I would like to end this post with a song. This is one of the songs I missed.

NOTHING MORE

I prayed for Your word and You answered me
Lord I asked for forgiveness and You pardoned me
I prayed for strength and You empowered me
Lord I asked for providence and You blessed me

There's nothing more I want
There's nothing more I need
There's nothing more I want
There's nothing more I need
Than to be with You

Teach me oh God to be faithful
Lord mold me to be patient
Teach me oh God to be secure in You
Lord mold me to love You

Good night & God bless everyone! ^_^

14 days to go before the 16th SFC ICON! (i am excited! :D)

Go Beyond Borders.

2009-01-21T20:52:00.000+08:00

This was Father Raymond Arre's message during his homily this afternoon (21st of January). He talked about boundaries - those invisible "lines" we're not supposed to cross.

The Gospel today is from Mark 3:1-6. It's about a man with a withered hand who was healed by Jesus on the day of the Sabbath (which the Pharisees regard as unlawful).

Jesus tells us that sometimes, we have to cross boundaries, get out of our comfort zones, stretch our arms and reach out to our brothers and sisters in need.

I remember the International Missions Ministry of our community - "Beyond Borders". And I admire every single missionary who devotes his/her time and talent and treasure in service to others for the greater glory of God. I look up to those who go to the ends of the earth, mindful of the risks they have to take and obstacles they have to overcome, hopeful that the Lord will bless and protect them, and determined to proclaim God's kingdom and to testify to His love and mercy and goodness. (I can't be among them yet, but I would love to be one of them. Soon - if God says so.)

As I reflect on Father Raymond's homily, I came to realize one thing: Life isn't just black or white. There exists gray.

There are rules. But there are exceptions. There are "in-betweens." It's not always a matter of "right" or "wrong."

It's not wrong to follow conventions, it's not wrong to stick to the rules, it's not wrong to continue with the traditions, with what we're used to (and taught to) do, BUT, we have to ask ourselves: "Have we grown? Have we developed a deeper sense of maturity?"

While there is danger in crossing the line (going beyond the boundaries), there is also a risk of having a stagnant (not growing, not developing) life in "not crossing the line."

Which do we prefer? To succeed in doing nothing? Or to fail in doing something?

May we not always choose to be "safe", rather, may we be risk-takers, eager to discover new shores, learn new crafts, and be brave enough to respond to God's call and go where He leads us.

Father Raymond ended his homily with these words:
God is telling us, "Know your boundaries, but also learn to stretch your hands, your hearts, and your minds so that you can come closer to Me."

Those words reminded me of one of my favorite songs in the community. I have always loved to sing this:

And I will climb this mountain
And I'll step off the shore
And I have chosen to follow
To be by Your side forevermore...

Set your boundaries. But be bold enough to extend your territories. Never stop growing. Never stop learning. Live, not just exist. :)

Again, God bless everyone! ^_^ Until next post. :)

Be Like A Child.

2009-01-21T20:37:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday (January 18) was the Feast of the Sto. Niño. Father Hernan's homily centered on the Gospel's challenge for to us to be childlike, as it is pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.

He gave these three characteristics of a child:
1. Innocence - "tabula rasa" (blank sheet); just like a child, our minds should be pure and free of evil/negative thoughts
2. Humility - acceptance of what you have and who you are; just like a child, we should be content with what God has given us; to be humble is to accept that God is and will always be greater than us, and that there's really nothing we could ever be proud of, nothing we could ever claim our own (for everything comes from, and belongs to Him)
3. Dependence to Parents - just as a child is dependent to his/her parents, so must we be dependent to God

Just thought of sharing.

God bless everyone! ^_^

*A life without God is a life of trouble and confusion.* - Father Hernan Mendoza, Sto. Rosario De Pasig Parish Parochial Vicar

*****

Some more messages...

*Contrary to popular belief, a storm does not make a house stronger; it only reveals the strength already there.

*Use things, not people. Love people, not things.

*One day, a conversation between a teenager and his grandpa was heard. The young man said, "Gee! Grandpa your generation didn't have all these social diseases. You didn't have AIDS during your time. What did you wear to have safe sex?" The wise old man replied, "A wedding ring." ^_^

single ako kasi...

2009-01-16T10:22:00.000+08:00

GO TO NUMBERS 10 & 9. :))

************************************************************

BAKIT "SINGLE" ANG STATUS MO

ang ilang mga rason kung bakit...

11. Destiny Adik
Eto yung mga naghihintay kay "Destiny" na gumawa ng paraan para pagtagpuin sila ng kanilang mga "partner in life".. ayannn... kakapanood nyo ng "Serendipity" eh feeling nyo ang nangyari sa movie eh mangyayari rin sa inyo... such a cliche.. hindi ba nyo alam na kung walang effort destiny is useless.

10. Perfectionist/Mapili
Yes, isang taong perpeksiyonista. Yung tipong "dapat ganito ang magiging kapartner ko". Pag may nakilala, nakita lang na pangit ang kuko o may dumi lang, turn-off na agad. O kaya ang daming ayaw. Ayaw sa mabait, boring daw, gusto bad boy/pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka "bakit ang sama mo", "bakit mo nagawa yun!"... Adik ka ba?!... Ayaw sa cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. Meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. yung gusto mo halos magtambling ka pero deadma pa rin yang stunts mO sa kanya! Pasaway ka rin e! Ano ba talaga kuya?

9. Busy Busyhan
Opo, eto yung ang mundo e gumagalaw lang sa libro at ballpen kung estudyante ka o kaya naman sa computer at files kung office staff ka. Yung tipong aalis ng bahay ng alas 6 o alas 7 ng umaga at uuwi ng bahay ng 6 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi [baligtad naman para sa mga nag tratrabaho sa call center]. Sabay tulog na. Kapag sabado masaya na sila sa tv, sa pagkain na niluluto ni mama at sa linggo naman sisimba at maghahanda na ng kelangan para sa lunes hanggang byernes. Pssssst.. pause for a while naman!

8. Friendship Theory
Ano naman ito?... Eto yung ang buhay ay kay bestfriend o kaya kay special friend, na hindi masabi-sabi sa friendship nya sa loob ng kanilang mahabang panahon na pagsasama, dahil baka daw maapektuhan ang pakikipagkaibigan at iwasan sya. Yung tipong pag may kasama si friendship na iba, nagseselos na wala naman sa lugar, pero syempre wag pahalata, kunyari happy sya for friendship. ABA ! Oi! Lakasan mo ang loob mo at baka mamaya forever mong pagsisihan yan, kaw rin!... Minsan pa naman pareho pala kayong naghihintayan. . hmmp!

7. Born-to-be-one (Autistic)
Eto yung nasa palad na ang pagiging single daw. Walang reasons. Basta lang nabuhay sya sa mundo na mag-isa at feeling nya mamamatay sya sa mundong mag-isa. Kesyo magmamadre o magpapari na lang... Asa kang tatanggapin ka pa noh!

6. Happy-go-lucky
Eto yung taong walang alam kundi kasiyahan at trippings. Kahit sino na lang basta no strings attached. For fun lang daw... Walang halong seryosohan. ABA hoy! Yang init ng katawan mo e ikiskis mo na lang sa pader. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo!!!

5. Wrong Place
May nakaranas na ba nito? Yung pakiramdam mo nasa ibang mundo ka. Yung ang nakakaharap mo e yung mga hindi mo gusto, yung mga hindi mo hinahanap.
Alam mo yun? Halimbawa nasa ibang bansa ka, pero ang hinahanap mo e yung amoy ng nasa sariling bayan mo. O kaya naman e nasa sarili mong bayan ka, nasa normal na lipunan, pero ikaw ang abnormal at hindi mo kayang sabihin na abnormal din ang hanap mo kung ayaw mong ibitin ka nila ng patiwarik.

4. Wrong Time
Eto yung mga tao na sinasabi na "hindi pa ako ready e, bata pa kasi ako" o kaya naman "hindi pa ako handa sa panahong ito", "wala pa ako kayang ipagmalaki". Yes meron pong ganyan. Yung feeling nila may tamang panahon para sa love. Awwwwwww!... Aba kelan yun?!... Pag uugod-ugod ka na at yung time mo e bitin na? O baka naman pag pang-out of time ka na? Oist, sugod lang ng sugod!

3. Si Parents kasi...
Yes, factor din ang komyunidad na ginagalawan mo. Una, ayaw pa ni mader o pader na magkaron ka kahit 22 anyos ka na at kelangan umabot ka muna raw ng 40 bago magkaroon ng gf/bf. O kaya naman ikaw mismo! Takot sa sasabihin ni parents at ni kapitbahay na tsismosa sa magiging kasama mo. Aba ikaw na nga ba ang sabihan na "Alam mo hindi kayo bagay. Langit at lupa kayo."
Awwwww!... Payo ko sayo, "Pakialam nila diba?... Palibhasa inggit!"

2. Traumatic Experience
Eto kalimitan ang reason ng marami. "Ayaw ko na!!! Takot na ako mangyari pa ang nangyari dati!"... O diba, ang drama ng layp?... Yes, tama ka. Eto yung dahil sa past relationship mo, e until now aayaw mo nang magkaroon at sinumpa mo na ata ang magmahal. Dahil sa pinagpalit ka sa mas pangit, o kaya naman iniwan ka ng walang word na bye-bye, o dahil binugbog ka!, ano pa ba?... Madami yan wag na nating isa-isahin at baka tumulo si tears, heheh... Gayunpaman, eto lang masasabi ko mga hija at hijo... Ibat-iba ang lasa ng pag-ibig. May mapait, may mapakla, may matamis at may maasim. Aba , mapalad ka at natikman mo ang ibat-ibang lasa nito! Kaya ikaw, "Do not be afraid to fall in love again... malay mo, sweetiness na ang malasahan mo next time.! E di panalo ka sa lotto! Yan ang nagpapalakas sayo... Yan ang bumubuhay sayo... ang pag-ibig. Tsk! Drama!

1. EX to the Nth power
Oi, aminin!!! LOVE pa rin si Ex kahit 1 or 2 yrs na ang nakakalipas. May ganito naman. Yung tipong ilang taon na ang nakakalipas, hindi pa rin makalimutan si ex. Yung pinagsamahan, yung tawanan, yung iyakan, at lahat ng nangyari sa inyo nung kayo pa. Malungkot man at sa kung anumang kadahilanan, maganda man o masama ito, kelangan nyo ng magpaalam sa isa't-isa... YES, after a year sasabihin natin, "I'm over him/her na.", pero pag-usapan natin ang love at ang nangyari sa ating relastionship from the past, TADANNNNNNNNNNNNN, eto na, sya agad ang naalala mo. At habang nagkukwento ka, OUCH! may kirot, o kaya may ngiti at may bumabagabag sa iyong kalooban. Ano kaya yun?!... AMININ mo na kasi, MAHAL mo pa si EX...

Isa lang ang masasabi ko, well, mahirap sya kalimutan alam ko yan, pero open your heart and makipagdate ka, lumabas ka, at try to entertain someone. Wag mo ikumpara si ex sa iba. At give urself a KITKAT, take a break.

************************************************************

ang saya ng post na 'to. haha. thanks shy and ate chris. :)

opo, number 10 at number 9 ang mga dahilan ko. hehe. gusto niyo ng proof? haha.

meron akong list ng "ideal man" ko. yessssssss people! may ganun! haha. kaya lang hindi ko nagamit masyado dati kaya naman failed tuloy. haha. joke lang. pero seryoso, may list talaga ako. at ngayon, mas strict na talaga ako. :D pero clarify ko lang, hindi ako ito: "Ayaw sa mabait, boring daw, gusto bad boy/pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka "bakit ang sama mo", "bakit mo nagawa yun!"... Adik ka ba?!... Ayaw sa cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. Meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. yung gusto mo halos magtambling ka pero deadma pa rin yang stunts mO sa kanya!" basta mapili ako. period. :D

obvious naman sigurong busy-busyhan ako diba? (hindi masyado, ang daldal ko pa rin sa blog e. hehe. naiipon kasi kaya ganun. tsaka hindi na kasi ako laging nakakapag-online kaya naman kapag nag-online ako, sinusulit ko na. hehe. nagpaliwanag pa talaga.)

pero seryosong, busy talaga ako.

Mondays: ES 204;

Tuesdays/Thursdays: SFC Chorale Rehearsal (ang saya nito! hindi namin alam na may audition pala. haha. konting time lang tuloy yung practice, as in minutes lang talaga. "In Him Alone" yung prinactice ko pero "Anima Christi" yung nakanta ko. haha. by the way, kelangan pa po namin ng tenors at bass. at open pa rin ang audition for sopranos and altos, until next week siguro. kaya sa mga SFC na sasama sa ICON, join na! :) contact kuya josef poe for more info.)

Wednesdays/Fridays: thesis

Fridays: teachings/assemblies

Saturdays: SAGIP sessions

Sundays: service sa 11am mass sa Lifehomes

EVERYDAY: tutorial/thesis/aral/at kung anong iutos ni mama, papa, tita

sa tingin niyo may time pa ako para sa lovelife? wala na diba? haha. kaya single ako. :) at masaya maging single! marami akong nagagawa, sulit ang buhay. :) ayaw ko bang magka-lovelife? hindi naman. gusto ko rin syempre. ayaw pa nga lang ng lovelife sken ngayon. i-enjoy ko raw muna ang buhay. hehe. pero alam kong parating na siya, malapit na. o baka nga dumating na siya, hinihintay na lang niyang magka-time ako. haha. *hopeful*

ang saya! stressful, pero masaya! actually, sa lahat ng ginagawa ko, thesis yung pinaka-stressful, pero enjoy pa rin lalo na pag nakakakita ako ng "light". hehe. akala ko nga nung saturday, tapos na ako e. gumana kasi yung algorithm ko sa mga data set na tinest ko. pero sabi nga ni sir henry, sa mga simpleng bagay, dun pa tayo sumasablay minsan. at ganun na nga ang nangyari. "01" lang ang nakasira sa algo ko. tsk. pero ok lang. sabi rin ni bo sanchez, "fail quickly, so that you can try again." :) ayan, napahaba na naman ang kwento. hehe. enough na. serious mode na uli. :)

hanggang sa susunod na kwento. :D

kamusta pala kayo? i hope everyone's good. :)

ikaw, bakit ka single? :D

GOD knows.

2009-01-16T09:04:00.000+08:00

Wednesday, January 14.

I accomplished a lot today, just as I do on most days. :) But the best thing about today is Father Raymond's Homily.

Most, if not all, of us have already heard and/or used the expression "God knows." And according to Father Raymond, that expression could mean three things:

1. We use it when we want to talk about some indescribable or unexplainable event or feeling. (God knows how happy I am to be here with all of you. OR God knows how blessed I am to have you.)

2. We use it to keep secrets or when we don't want to speak any further. (God knows. Period.)

3. We use it when want to comfort someone and we don't know what to tell him/her. (God knows how you feel and what you're going through.)

Indeed, God knows!

And it's not simply KNOWLEDGE. It's knowledge with a sense of intimacy. God doesn't just know our names, but He knows every little thing about us. God knows what we feel. God knows what joy is in our hearts. God knows our success. God knows our failures. God knows how broken we are. God knows who we really are.

We ought to know too. We ought to know the sufferings of others. We ought to know the needs of our brothers and sisters. We ought to be aware of and be sensitive to the feelings of the people around us. We ought to know God.

The question for us is this: How do we know God?

Do we just know Him by name? Or we know Him so well that we can introduce Him to people through the way we live our lives?

God knows us, do we really know Him?

God knows us. Let's do our best to know Him. :)

To end this post, I would like to share one of my most-loved songs for Daddy God.

This is from Rebecca St. James. (You can listen to my playlist here. It's also posted on my Multiply homepage. ^_^)

PSALM 139

You search me
You know me
You see my every move
There's nothing I could ever do
To hide myself from You
You know my thoughts
My fears and hurts
My weaknesses and my pride
You know what I am going through
And how I feel inside
But even though You know
You will always love me
Even though You know
You'll never let me go
I don't deserve Your love
But You give it freely,
You will always love me
Even though You know
You will always love me
Even though you know

Happy, blessed, and fruitful day everyone! ^_^

simple lang.*

2009-01-09T21:31:00.000+08:00

"Minsan, sa mga simpleng bagay, dun ka pa sumasablay." - sinabi ito ni Sir Henry during one of our meetings. i wrote it down because i believed there's truth in it (kelan ba nagsabi ng nonsense si Sir Henry? yun pa, e bilib nga ako dun e. ^_^). at kanina nga, nakita ko uli yung paper na pinagsulatan ko nun at alam kong hindi lang yun nagkataon. i saw those words because God wanted to remind me of the wisdom that they contain. true enough, there are times when we fail to do what seemed to be so simple and easy. why? because we take them for granted. we depend too much on our assumption that they are simple, therefore, we no longer pay attention to them. nabubulag na agad tayo ng akalang "kayang-kaya" nating gawin ang mga simpleng bagay (o di kaya unawain ang mga simpleng kaisipan). at hindi ako exempted. yes, guilty rin ako minsan. tama si Sir Henry, minsan, sa mga simpleng bagay pa tayo sumasablay kasi nagiging over-confident na tayo sa sarili natin at sa kakayahan natin.

lesson? "Hindi lahat ng simple ay madali, at hindi lahat ng madali ay simple." sabi nga ni Sir Jim, one of the important leadership skills is the ability to pay attention to details. i say, "pay attention even to the smallest, simplest details."

ito ang naisip kong analogy to make my point clear: a semicolon (;) is a simple punctuation mark, but in the world of programming, it's a very important and powerful tool. forget the semicolon and your program won't run (compile time pa lang may error na). ganun din yung curly braces, parentheses, etc. kung iisipin natin, simpleng symbols lang naman sila pero sa mga gaya naming kelangang gumawa ng program/mag-submit ng MPs, very crucial ang paggamit sa kanila. sumablay ka sa paglagay ng semicolon, sablay din ang program mo.

let's not underestimate the simple things, because sometimes, the simple things are the best ones, and yes, they could be the most important also.

(minsan, kahit sa tao, ganun din... yung mga simple, yun ang mga "big time" )

ever heard of this: "SIMPLE PERO ROCK!"? that says it all. simple things are NOT JUST SIMPLE things! let's not neglect them!

*ang lahat ng naka-post dito ay pananaw lamang ng author. hindi ko po sinasabing tama ako. i'm just sharing my thoughts. ^_^

they need us..

2009-01-09T18:47:00.000+08:00

at least our prayers..

please click the following links: (warning: sites contain heartbreaking photos.)

Gaza Strip, The Untold Story.

Do we remember them?

Now in Gaza.

"No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list."

start small..

2009-01-05T08:16:00.000+08:00

the holiday season is over. back to acad mode. back to busy mode. "hectic" would never be enough to describe the kind of schedule that i have (ok, exaggerated. hehe.).. this year would definitely be a more exciting (and therefore, busier) year for me! seven words: I AM GOING TO CONQUER THE PHILIPPINES! haha. joke. but seriously, i'll be traveling a lot, from Bohol to Cebu to Sulu. oh yeah! :D

but before all those trips, i have to finish my responsibilities first.. waaaahh! there's so much to do.. and i have so little time.. speaking of "little", let me share Bo's great insight about starting small (and achieving big!). (it was actually the reason why i blogged.. pero syempre, bilang makwento talaga akong tao, at na-miss ko na ring mag-blog, dumaldal na naman ako. hehe.)

Bo shared the story about the Multiplication of Loaves. you can view the full video here.

some inspiring words (which touched me, really):

"It takes very little to feed many. You don't have to have much to save the world.. you just have to have little.."

"If you wanna bless the world, start small, start with the little that you have.. and with the little that you have, the Lord will multiply."

Do not ever say "I have nothing to give." YOU HAVE MUCH TO GIVE.

let us not underestimate ourselves. we are God's creation, we were created for a purpose, and that purpose is to bless the world. let's not waste our blessings, no matter how small they may seem. i have always believed that God will indeed multiply the little that we have if only we use it for His greater glory. ^_^

*****

"It's your attitude, not your aptitude, which determines your altitude in life." -Anonymous

-found this great message 2 nights ago on one of the sites i visited. i was googling some place in southern leyte when i came across the above quote. can't help but share, makes sense, right? i found wisdom in it. ^_^

happy new year everyone! let's welcome 2009 with hopeful hearts. all good things will come to us, let's claim it! ^_^

God is good. God is great. God knows best! ^_^

27 messages received..

2008-12-25T06:54:00.000+08:00

..yan ang kinagisingan ko ngayong umaga..

maraming salamat sa lahat ng nagtext at bumati. sa mga nareplyan at natext ko, you must be really special. hehe. iilan lang talaga yung nasagot ko. pasensiya na po, hayaan niyo akong magpaliwanag. :D

yesterday (24th), morning pa lang busy-busyhan na ako. paggising ko, nandito sina tita ana. at gaya ng nakaugalian, nanood kame ni sam ng Barney. pag-uwi nila, nag-ayos na ako dahil ako ang naatasang mamili. paalis na ako nung dumating si kuya don. pumunta muna kame kina ate cyril para kunin ang mga bote at karton (opo, namamasura na kame ni kuya don. hehe.), at syempre inayos pa namin yun. pagkatapos nun, umalis na ako. as expected, matindi talaga ang trapik. whew! dumaan pa ako kina tito ray para sana ibalik yung book ni francine at ibigay na rin yung gift ko for lei & francine kaya lang wala sila, so tumuloy na ako sa ever. pagkatapos sa grocery, department store naman. ako rin kasi ang bumili ng gifts para sa mga inaanak ni papa. sabi ni tita magtaxi na raw ako. e kamusta naman, ang haba ng pila sa taxi, tapos wala pang taxi, kaya nag-jeep na lang ako. ang galing ko diba? 2 kilos ng pasta, ingredients ng pasta, wine, at mga regalo - lahat yun binitbit ko lang. pero syempre pagdating ko sa kanto, sumakay na ako sa tricycle, masakit na dibdib ko e. hehe. at syempre rin pinagalitan ako ni mama. haha. pasaway kasi. kumain lang ako saglit tapos alis na naman para bumili ng cake. hindi na kasi ako nakabili sa ever kasi nga marami na akong dala. pag-uwi ko galing rosario, nagbalot na ako ng mga regalo. oh yes, ako pa rin yun, kame ni mama. e bakit ba kasi kame lang? nasan ang mga tao? well, sa mga hindi po nakakaalam, 4 lang kame sa pamilya - si mama, si papa, ako, at si arnold. kame lang ni mama ang nandito sa bahay kasi may trabaho yung dalawang lalake. ayun, wala talagang choice. hehe. pero ok lang naman. naaliw naman akong magbalot. na-excite ako para sa mga bata. haha. pagkatapos nun, nag-ayos na ako kasi may practice naman kame sa chapel para sa Christmas presentation at mass. wala talagang pahinga. pagdating ko sa chapel, kanta to the max na. at syempre hanggang mass na yun. puro birit pa naman yung mga kanta. sa communion ba naman, Silent Night at O Holy Night. sakit sa ulo diba? tapos may medley pa ng mga tagalog songs. ayun. concert talaga. haha. after ng mass, umuwi na ako agad. nagbihis, kumain, at natulog. nakapagtext pa ako sa ilang tao. the last person i texted was dan. hindi ko na nahintay pa yung reply niya. nakatulog na talaga ako.

at yun nga.. paggising ko this morning, meron na akong 27 unread messages. at syempre hindi pa rin ako makareply kasi tapos na yung ETXT ko, hindi rin ako naka-unli at higit sa lahat, hindi ako makalabas para magload kasi masakit pa katawan ko. ang hirap bumangon. nagising ako ng 10, tapos natulog uli. hehe. sakit ng legs, likod, dibdib, at ulo ko. sobrang pagod kasi.

ayun. kaya pasensya na po sa mga hindi ko pa narereplyan. after kong ipost ito, rereplyan ko na kayo sa chikka. :D

*****

share ko lang din. this morning, i woke up with tears in my eyes. na-touch kasi ako sa panaginip ko. pumunta raw ako sa isang remote area to do mission work for GK (Gawad Kalinga). tapos may kausap raw kameng isang bata. she was telling us her dreams at naiyak siya kasi naaawa siya sa parents niya at sa sarili rin niya dahil sa kalagayan nila. ayun, naiyak na rin ako. at nagising ako kasi masakit nga dibdib ko. lam niyo naman pag umiiyak tayo diba? tagos talaga sa heart (lalo na ako). kaya yun.

naalala ko lang, i once asked God to speak to me in my dreams. sabi ko sa Kanya, baka pwede Niyang i-reveal saken yung plan Niya. naisip ko lang, baka ito na yun. maraming nagsasabi na baka magmadre raw ako pero hindi ko talaga nararamdaman yun. nung nasa banawe ako for therapy, naisipan ko ng pumasok sa kumbento, pero hindi talaga e. i already had the chance pero hindi ko ginawa kasi hindi ko ramdam na yun ang calling ko. ayokong gawin yun for the wrong reasons. mas nakikita ko yung sarili ko as a missionary. alam kong mas marami akong matutulungan sa ganun. but of course, i'm still praying for it. sabi nga ni ate an, matinding panalangin ang kelangan dun. pag-pray niyo rin ako ha? ^_^

*****

ayan, napahaba na naman ang kwento ko. may pupuntahan pa nga pala ako. hehe.

maligayang pasko sa lahat!

Jesus is the reason for the season. sana hindi naten yun makalimutan. ^_^

2 years and counting..

2008-12-09T19:52:00.000+08:00

2nd Anniversary ng batch namin.. and i'm proud to say that among the batches, kame ata pinakasolid! haha. walang kokontra. sabi nga ni sidh, kame lang yung batch na kapag kumakain, nakapaikot pa talaga. at lahat din kame ay naging member ng music min. at ang pinakamaganda dun, lahat kame, smart. haha.

dahil gumawa ng tribute si sidh sa yahoo groups ng chapter, gagawa rin ako ng sarili kong version. :D

10 kameng grumaduate, pero 4 na lang kameng natira. pero yung apat na yun, bow talaga ako kasi service kung service talaga. at UNBREAKABLE kame. kame yung tipong kahit na sandamakmak na issue pa ang dumating, buo pa rin ang tiwala namin sa isa't isa. walang iwanan talaga. and i really love my batchmates kasi never pa nila akong sinaktan, as in never! si sidh, minsan, pag sinusupladuhan niya ako. haha. pero i swear, iba talaga samahan namin. at dahil mahal ko kayo, eto ang aking tribute...

ATE JULIE FONTANOSA:
isa siyang teacher. yun lang po. haha.
umm, seriously, isa siya sa pinakamabait sa chapter. totoong tao. walang bahid ng kaplastikan sa katawan. pero tama si sidh, mapanglait din minsan. haha. masaya kasama. makulit din. tsaka gusto ko talagang kumanta with her. pareho kasing maganda boses namin. hehe. basta mahal ko 'to si ate julie. as in! di ko nga akalain na GG niya pala si kuya rhed. akalain niyo yun? haha. pero what i like best about her is her simplicity. simple pero elegante. pag nakita niyo siya, mapapahanga na lang kayo. iba talaga aura niya. she's someone na talagang irerespeto mo. huwaran talaga. ^_^

KUYA RHED DIZON:
eto naman ang opposite ni ate julie. at dahil opposites attract, GG niya si ate julie. haha. joke lang. :D
mahal ko rin 'to si kuya rhed. galing maggitara. hanep bumanat. di ka talaga maaasar kahit nang-aasar na siya. gugulong ka lang kakatawa. panalo talaga sense of humor ng taong 'to. pero hindi lang siya basta komedyante. he's a wise person. may kwenta yung mga sinasabi niya. hindi lang basta salita, may laman talaga. hindi yung tipong magsasalita lang para masabing hindi siya pipi. lam niyo yun? meron kasing ganun, talking for the sake of talking, pero nonsense talaga. si kuya rhed, laging patawa, laging cool, pero once na nagsalita na siya, papakinggan mo talaga. and i really respect him. lagi niyang sinasabi na siya na ang papalit kay kuya pip. honestly kuya, matutuwa ako kung mangyayari yun. hihintayin ko yun kuya! hehe.
magda-drama lang ako ng konti. hindi ko alam kung natatandaan mo pa kuya. pero nung last time na pumunta ako sa practice ng music min, sinabi mong na-miss mo ako. hindi na ako sumagot pero ang totoo, miss ko na rin pong kumanta kasama kayo. i may be back anytime soon. hindi ako mangangako pero basta darating na lang siguro ako. ^_^

SIDH URSUA:
naman! ano pa bang sasabihin ko? siya lang naman ang partner ko since day one. as in CLP days pa lang.. hanggang ngayon sa pagiging chapter servants, partners pa rin kame. pero in fairness to us, matino naman yung nagiging result ng mga trabaho namin. hehe. siguro kasi may chemistry talaga kame. pareho kasi kameng scientist. haha. grabe, wala akong masabi sa partner kong 'to. mahal ko talaga 'to. kahit na suplado, reklamador, mapanglait at kung ano2 pa, the best partner pa rin talaga siya. (haha, tamang bawi matapos siraan. hehe.) lagi kameng nag-aaway at nagtatarayan pero ok pa rin naman nagiging output pag kame ngtandem sa isang project/activity/event. pareho kasi kame ng level ng pag-iisip. mga weirdo. hehe. wala na akong masabi. basta panalo yung taong 'to. lalo na pagdating sa pagprovide ng tinapay during gatherings. haha.
seriously, isa siya sa iilang pinagkakatiwalaan ko kasi subok ko na yung pagkatao niya. alam kong he's the kind of friend na hindi ka talaga ilalaglag. subok na yung samahan namin at yung bond namin as friends matibay na talaga. hindi ko lang siya basta ka-batch at kaibigan, kapatid ko pa siya. i'm really so blessed to have him as my partner. at thankful ako na siya partner ko. ^_^

AIZA GARNICA:
haha. kasama talaga ako sa tribute? hmm. ano pa bang masasabi ko tungkol sa sarili ko? umm... i'm perfect. period. haha. yabang. joke lang po. naalala ko lang yung sinabi sken ng isang DATING kaibigan. nagkaroon kame ng confrontation. hindi ko na maalala yung saktong sinabi niya but it was something like this: "one year na ako dito. at nakikita kong parang perfect ka na. pero hindi naman pwede yun diba? kasi wala namang taong perfect? so nag-isip ko kung ano kayang pwedeng ipintas sa'yo." hay. grabe diba? yun yung night na akala ko hindi na ako mabubuhay. nakakalungkot lang kasi sobrang minahal at pinahalagahan mo yung tao tapos ganun yung mangyayari. pero ang mas nakakalungkot ay kung ano na siya ngayon. tsk. oh well, it's her life. choice niya kung anong nangyayari sa kanya. minsan gusto kong isiping failure ako. pero tama rin si mae, malaki na siya at alam na niya kung anong tama at mali. i can only do so much. hindi ko siya pwedeng hawakan sa kamay at diktahan ng mga dapat niyang gawin. i just pray na tama yung pinili niyang samahan at kampihan. sana hindi siya nagkamali sa landas na pinili niyang tahakin.

o nga pala, happy post dapat ito. bakit ba bigla akong nalungkot? hehe. oh well. may mga naalala lang ako. pero yun nga, sa kabila ng lahat ng yun, eto pa rin ako.. masayang maging bahagi ng SFC. ^_^

gaya nga ng title ng post na ito, 2 years na ako sa community.. at malamang nandito pa rin ako until next year.. tapos in 3 years, or so, sa CFC naman. haha. dream on aiza! ^_^

o siya, pahinga na muna ako. naging mahaba ang araw na ito. bukas thesis report na naman.

hello everyone! ^_^

from Chynna's blog..

2008-12-04T07:34:00.000+08:00

"When an emotional injury takes place,
The body begins a process
As natural as the healing
Of a physical wound

Let the process happen.
Trust that nature
Will do the healing.

Know that the pain will pass,
And, when it passes
You will be stronger;
Happier, more sensitive and aware."

Read full entry here: Chynna's Blog ^_^

*For my girlfriends.. especially LEYN.

beep beep..

2008-12-03T17:51:00.000+08:00

oops.. tagal din pala akong di nakapag-online. na-miss ko ang friendster at multiply. but i'm back! hindi nga lang for good. alam niyo na, artista ako, daming shooting, pictorial, mall shows.. haha. joke lang. :))

ang totoo, super mega over busy talaga ako. AS IN! para may idea kayo kung anong pinaggagagawa ko sa buhay, eto ang listahan.. (pakialam niyo naman no? hehe. wala lang. bakit ba, gusto kong magkwento e. =p hay. na-miss ko yung ganito.. tamang type lang ng kung anong maisip ko.. nung mga nakaraang araw kasi duguan talaga ako e.. oh well.. game na, dadaldal na ako. hehe.)

maliban sa pagiging tao, isa na rin akong bampira ngayon. oh yeah! twilight fever. vampire mania. hehe. bampira kasi hindi na ako natutulog. hala. kamusta naman yun? malamang itatanong niyo, "may laman ka pa ba unai/aiza?" haha. yes friends, may laman pa naman ako.. buto nga lang.. haha. joke uli.. don't worry about me, buhay ako at as usual, ayos naman ako. :D

kabilang sa mga pinagkakaabalahan ko ay...

1. acads/thesis: improved heuristic on finding the minimal support set. yeba! np-complete problem po ang sinosolve ko. at dahil dun, duguan talaga ako. lalo na during report days. wala talagang tulugan. salamat na lang kay sir henri at ate jas na matiyagang nagtuturo saken. grabe, ilang beses ko pa kelangang basahin ang isang paper bago ko ito maintindihan. highly-mathematical kasi. pero masaya naman ako sa ACLab (Algorithms & Complexity Lab), at dahil masaya ako, sulit ang puyat at pagod. :)

2. service: full-time servant ako ng chapter, at minsan, ng sector na rin. basta kung san ako kelangan, go lang.. hangga't kaya ko pa.. :)

3. tutorial: ang part-time job na talaga namang kinakarir ko. pakiramdam ko talaga may calling ako sa pagtuturo.. hindi ng large class ha? di ko kaya yun. hehe. super love ko ang mga alaga kong sina francine, jeff, at josh. kahit na super kulit nila, lalo na nung dalawang boys, happy pa rin. masayang matuto kasama nila. :)

4. lovelife: yeba! haha. misleading ito. hindi po lovelife as in boy-girl relationship ha? lovelife as in LOVE life. :D sa ngayon kasi i see to it na naiingatan ko lahat ng relationship na meron ako (God, family, friends, edward --> haha. alam kong marami akong kaagaw pero basta boyfriend ko si edward cullen. hehe.) ^_^ last monday lang, sobrang saya kasi i was able to bond with my highschool girlfriends, ruth and mary anne, aka westlife sisters! pizza, pasta, and salad galore kame sa CPK trinoma. salamat nga pala kay sir randy na siyang nagbayad ng pizza at pasta namin. hehe. tapos ngayon lang, may bago na naman akong girlfriend. matagal ko na siyang friend actually pero ngayon lang kame naging girlfriends. hehe. i love you girlfriend! :)

nagkita rin kame ni alpha kanina at syempre tamang chikahan. at eto pa, may nagtext sken this morning. sun siya. kung pwede raw akong maging textmate at kung may boyfriend na raw ba ako. haha. ang corny no?! so syempre deadma ako. haha. actually nagreply ako, tinarayan ko lang siya at sinabing may boyfriend na ako! meron naman talaga. si edward cullen. haha. wala lang. ewan ba, wala talaga akong panahon sa ganyan ngayon e. masaya ako. period. sabi ko nga, postponed til further notice ang lovelife ko. haha.

ayun. ayun lang pala. acads. work. service. relationships. yan ang mga yaman ko sa buhay. :)

kamusta naman ako? well, i'm good! i'm great, actually! tired, yes.. but i'm definitely happy! ^_^

P.S. ang bilis ng panahon.. december na naman. tapos new year na uli! whew! cebu, malapit na tayong magtagpo! hehe. onga pala, dahil pasko na, syempre may wishlist ako. hehe. next post na lang siguro o di kaya sa homepage ko. hehe. sa mga may balak magregalo, pakitingin na lang sa wishlist ko. haha.

ang saya ko no?! stress-reliever ko talaga 'to e. hehe.

God bless everyone! i hope you're all well. ^_^

stress-reliever.

2008-11-22T19:03:00.000+08:00

today is STRESS day. headaches galore talaga because of too much thinking. at ngayon, matutulog na muna ako. hindi na kaya ng mga mata ko. pero bago ako humiga at pumunta sa neverland (where dreams come true), basa muna ako ng text messages ng friendly friends ko. sabay type na rin dito para mabasa niyo rin. ^_^

"Hardest lessons and problems in life are also the most precious ones. Know why? Because they force us to face our weakness and fears, but above all, they unleash hidden strengths we never know we had."
>>so true. kahit ako nagugulat na lang na kinakaya ko lahat e. after every storm, mapapangiti na lang ako habang sinasabi sa sarili kong, "ayan. tapos na! buhay ka pa!"<<

"Never be afraid to try something new because life gets boring when you stay within the limits of what you already know. Take risk and learn."
>>tama. we're all students in this university called 'life'. pero hindi enough na sabihin nateng, "we'll know better next time." kelan pa yung next time na yun? patunayan nateng natututo nga tayo. hindi puro salita lang. [ehem. excuse me sa matatamaan. pero kasi medyo nakakasawa ng marinig na "next time alam na naten."]<<

"Ang sabi ng Science, 'only one thing can occupy a given space at a given time.' Kaya ako? Hindi ako naniniwala na ang isang puso kayang magmahal ng dalawa. It's either joke lang yung love for the other one o kaya sa sobrang liit ng pagmamahal dun sa isa, nagkaroon pa ng space para magmahal ng iba."
>>hindi rin ako naniniwala. tama, pwedeng joke lang yung dun sa isa. kaya... alam na! hehe. hindi na ako magcocomment pa. baka may makabasa, masaktan pa. haha. pero girl, eto lang sasabihin ko sayo, :p haha. belat! [soul sis, alam na kung sinong tinutukoy ko. haha. may ikukwento ako sa'yo pag nagkita tayo!]<<

ayun na lang pala muna. kelangan ko ng magpahinga. haggard na naman bukas.

please pray for a successful Singgolympics tomorrow. thanks and God bless everyone! ^_^

if today you hear His voice, harden not your hearts..

2008-11-20T14:35:00.000+08:00

i woke up with an aching back and a heavy head. i'm still not feeling well. if i had a choice, i would have stayed in bed and just sleep and rest the whole day. but i have to go to UP because i need to talk to Sir Danao. i arrived a little late at the ME department. Sir Danao just left and i was told that he "may" be back after lunch. disappointed, i went straight to my sanctuary in UP - the adoration chapel.

the previous weeks had been so stressful. i've had lots of frustrations and disappointments. i'm getting tired talking to people, understanding their sentiments, taking the responsibilities they ought to do. i've always been the "dependable" one. it has always been ME. what's frustrating is the fact that I CAN DEPEND ON NOBODY. since i've been the dependable lady, everyone's counting on me but I CAN'T COUNT ON ANYONE.

sad. frustrating. but true.

well, that's how i feel with all the things that's been happening. so i poured out all my frustrations to the ONLY ONE I CAN DEPEND ON - GOD! i spent half an hour or so talking to Him because i know ONLY HE CAN UNDERSTAND. i felt a whole lot better after my date with the Lord, as always.

i spent some more minutes in the chapel. i scanned my planner and i realized how busy i had been (and still am!). i eventually closed my planner, knelt down before the Blessed Sacrament, and went to the chapel to attend the 12nn mass. outside the adoration chapel stood a woman in black who seemed to be waiting for someone. true enough, she is! and that someone is ME! yes! she's been waiting for me. she saw me praying and her attention was caught by what's printed on my shirt. i'm wearing the "love one another/at home" shirt from this year's ILC. she asked me if i'm a member of a christian group. and i said yes, Singles for Christ. i don't know what she saw in me but she was very concerned. she asked me if i had already taken my lunch and i told her that i'll have lunch after the 12nn mass. we had a good conversation. she said that she is a lawyer, and so is her husband. her daughter is a 2nd year BS Chemistry student in the university. i really don't know how or why but we both touched and inspired each other. she told me things that a mother would tell her daughter and i was really comfortable talking to her. then her husband came. she told me that she would pray for me and that i should take care of my health. and because i won't be able to have lunch with them, she gave me what's supposed to be her offering in the chapel. i was hesitant to accept the money but she insisted. she left with nothing but good words and reminders for me as if i was her daughter. i was really touched.

thank you tita maricar! i will pray for you and your family. i know God will bless you more. and thank You Lord for letting me know such a good person as tita maricar albay.

.....

and what did God's voice tell me?

"My child, cheer up! It is not always you. It is NOT JUST you. I am always here! I'm with you anywhere and everywhere. You don't need to feel that nobody cares because I do! And don't ever think that only you understand, only you care, because there are people, who may be strangers to you, but sincerely cares for you and your well-being. You can count on them, for I AM IN THEM."

such a sweet message from an ever-loving Father. and amazingly, i realized that everything is connected to Bo's message in Preacher in Blue Jeans today.

"Be not just a tourist, but a pilgrim. Be not just a pilgrim who seeks God in the sacred, holy places, but a pilgrim who seeks and sees God anywhere and everywhere."

indeed, God is ever-present in our midst, because He is IN us and WITH us.

here's the song i'm singing right now...

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hands
and lead me in Your righteousness

and i look to You
and i wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord a hymn of love
for Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You never let me go, through it all..

old notes for sale

2008-11-18T12:27:00.000+08:00

Yes friends, negosyante na rin ako ngayon. Haha. Nagliligpit kasi ako ng mga gamit at nahanap ko yung mga nakatagong lumang notes at readings mula pa 1st year ata. Hehe. At dahil gusto kong magbawas ng mga gamit, naisipan kong ibenta na lang sila. So kung may kilala po kayong kelangan ng readings na 'to, please tell them to contact me. :D Super mura lang. In good condition po lahat. Price ranges from 1php to 20php depende sa kapal. Kung bibilhin po yung buong set, syempre mas mura. :D Salamat salamat sa pagrespond. God bless! ^_^

*English 12 Readings (Dr. J. Schriever):
1. Tartuffe
2. The Medea of Euripides
3. Literary Theory (Terry Eagleton)
4. On the Art of Poetry
5. Cannibal Manifesto
6. Introduction to Novels
7. The Search (Naguib Mahfouz) - book
8. Foe (JM Coetzee) - book

*CS 32 Complete Notes (Prof. E. P. Quiwa)

*SEA 30 Notes
1. Body, Movement, and Culture (Sally Ann Ness)
2. The Death of Authentic Primitive Art
3. Hills & Plains
4. Geography of Asia
5. Geography of Southeast Asia

*Araling Pilipino 12 Notes (Sir Iniego)

expect nothing [and some quotes]

2008-11-18T08:53:00.000+08:00

Father Raymond Arre made his point clear: expect nothing! less expectations = less disappointments. He further said, "If gratitude is to be given, let it be spontaneous. If it's not coming from the heart, it is not gratitude at all."

I couldn't say more.

*****
some quotes and text messages...

--> "Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home." [Mother Teresa]

--> "Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." [Mark Twain]

--> Blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours burn any brighter. [This is really a good thought.]

i am Sponge Bob Square Pants.

2008-11-17T19:15:00.000+08:00

[how true?]

sorry, can't help it. natuwa ako sa email ni kuya ian. ang cute lang. sort of personality test pero 10 questions lang. eto yung result nung sken, kayo na lang humusga. hehe. ayoko ng mag-comment pa. lalo na dun sa traitor thing. haha.

(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants. You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.

mga natirang mensahe..

2008-11-15T06:07:00.000+08:00

nitong mga nakaraang araw, super haggard ako. basta hindi super ok yung mood. at dahil karamihan sa mga nagpapasira ng araw ko e yung mga text ng ilang tao, i deleted all the messages in my inbox. napagtripan ko lang. hehe. eto na lang ang naiwan. at dahil gusto ko na uli i-empty ang inbox ko, share ko na sila bago ko pa idelete. ^_^

"Love is a disease no one wants to get rid of. Those who catch it never try to get better, and those who suffer do not wish to be cured." -Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes (Maria's Diary)
>>this book is really really nice. super promote nga si leyn e. hehe. by the way, hindi po ako super agree sa quote. nilagay ko lang yan kasi malamang maraming makaka-relate. haha. buti na lang hindi na ako kasali sa mga nakaka-relate na yun. because i'm already healed. ^_^

*****

A precious truth to remember: be the reason for someone's happiness, not just a part of it; be a part of someone's sadness but not the reason for it.
>>super true!

*****

You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
>>oo nga. agree rin ako dito.

*****

yun lang. isang magandang araw. kelangan ko ng mag-ayos. may pasok pa ako. God bless everyone! ^_^

bounce!

2008-11-07T03:54:00.000+08:00

good morning everyone! i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo full of hope and energy today after reading In His Steps and watching Preacher in Blue Jeans. Bo Sanchez is such a blessing. how can i ever miss his simple yet powerful talks? it's just amazing how he can dig deeper wisdom even in the simplest, shallowest situations. and i am really inspired. ^_^

to my truest friends, if you have already read what i've posted last night, thank you. and guess what? just right after i posted it, i watched the Preacher in Blue Jeans Nov. 6 episode. and i was teary-eyed when Bo led the prayer. it was really really meant for me.

i am happy, hopeful, inspired. no one can ever let me down.

two days ago, i got this message from Ate Marge: Never hate the times in life where you have fallen or failed. Though hard to accept, these are the times when we stand up again and show the world that failures don't define us; they make us STRONGER.

but before that, i had some insightful conversation with a friend from grade school after he sent me this message: The real winners in life are the people who look at every challenge with an assurance that they can be victorious through God's strength, God's power, and God's love.

when i read that message, i texted him back to thank him for sending me the right message at the right time. i told him i am struggling and yes, i am getting my strength from the source of everything, my God and my Savior. and because wewe is such a wise man, this was his reply: ""aiz.. ganun talaga, being strong is not a gift, not a talent, but a choice. lahat kayang maging malakas kung gugustuhin. basta hingi ka lang ng lakas sa Itaas, sigurado ibibigay Niya yun.. basta maniwala ka lang."

yes, i believe that behind everything that happens in life is God's beautiful purpose. i believe that God knows best. i believe in His Divine plan. i believe that in the end, all will work for my greater good. i believe that at the end of this struggle, i will emerge even stronger, wiser, better than who i am right now.

i am holding on to that faith. again, i declare that no one and nothing can ever bring me down. because God is my strength, and He has been using all the good (umm.. ok, even the bad ones.. hehe..) people in the world to encourage and inspire me to go on.

life is still and will always be beautiful. ^_^

~The most successful, the greatest people in the world are those who have failed the most, and have bounced the most times.~

you think you're a failure? well, guess what, I, also AM. i dared to fail. but more importantly, i dare to BOUNCE back even higher. ^_^

have a great day people! by the way, to ATE CHIE and UNDO, Happy Birthday!

God bless everyone! ^_^

mga nahukay sa baul..

2008-11-01T18:27:00.000+08:00

nagliligpit ako ng mga gamit dahil naghahanap ako ng mga pwedeng ibenta/irecycle.. alam niyo na, kelangan ng pondo.. medyo maraming gastos lately e.. ^_^

at eto ang mga nahanap kong lines from the movies i watched in 2005.. (sa DVD ko lang napanood yung mga 'to.. hehe..)

i'm not really sure if i've already posted them.. pero i searched my blog, at hindi ko naman sila nakita so ipopost ko na lang uli.. hehe..

Starship Troopers:

*Force is the supreme authority from which all other authority is derived.

*All is fair in love and war.

*Figuring things out for yourself is the only freedom anyone really has. Use that freedom, make up your mind.

*Never pass up a good thing.

*Pain is in your mind.

Castaway:

*I got to keep breathing, because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring? -Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

50 First Dates: (this is one of my most loved movies of all time.. i fall in love everytime i watch this..)

*Nothing beats the first kiss. -Lucy (Drew Barrymore)

*Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You're the girl of my dreams, and apparently, I'm the man of yours. -Henry Roth (Adam Sandler)

>>awww.. i keep on falling in love with Henry Roth.. haha.. *blushing*

A Beautiful Mind:

*Mathematics is not going to lead you to the higher truth, because it's boring. -Charlie (hehe. boring ba ang math? hindi naman.. depende siguro sa topic..)

*Genius knows an answer before the question.

*Nothing's ever for sure - that's the only thing I do know for sure. -Charlie

*The only way I could help him is to make him see the difference what is real and what is in his mind. -Dr. Rosen

*I need to believe that something extraordinary is possible. -Alicia

**the following lines are from John Nash (Russell Crowe)**

*In competitive behavior, everyone loses. >>this is VERY, VERY true!

*The best result comes from everyone in the group doing what is best for himself and the group.

*There are many solutions to any given problem.

*I don't believe in luck but I do believe in assigning value to things.

*It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reason can be found.

Intolerable Cruelty:

*Life is a compromise.

*The fault lies not in our stars, but in ourselves.

*Love need cause us no fear. Love need cause us no shame. Love is good. -Miles Massey (George Clooney)

Mona Lisa Smile:

*Art isn't art until someone says it is. -Elizabeth Warren (Kirsten Dunst)

*LIfe without you.. isn't just life. -Paul >>waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! another healt-melting line.. another LIE.. haha..

*Change takes time. -Bill >>aba e, oo naman.

*Not all who wander are aimless.. especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image. -Elizabeth Warren (Kirsten Dunst)

**from Katherine Watson (Julia Roberts)**

*You can conform to what other people expect or you can be yourself.

*People change. Things happen.

*Not every relationship is meant for marriage. >>unfortunately, this is true.

*To change for others is to lie for yourself. >>this is again, TRUE.

Lagaan: (Indian Movie)

**these lines have really great wisdom**

*To do my duty, I can't be false to my religion.

*You have to get burnt to save your house from fire.

*Only those who dream can make them come true.

*He who has truth and courage in his heart shall win in the end.

*However thick the sole, it wears out.. then nails will begin to prick.

Drumline:

**napanood ko 'to during our trip to Ilocos (Art Studies 2 class)

*No matter what obstacles life may bring, always remember: You can fly!

The Family Man:

*Don't screw up the best things in your life just because you're a little unsure about who you are. (Nicholas Cage)

*All this time, I never stopped loving you. >>oh c'mon! as if maniniwala pa ako.. haha..

at ang koleksyon ng mga mensaheng nasa inbox ng cp ko…

~The only real power capable of punishing crime is conscience.

~The importance of good friends in our lives is like the importance of heartbeats.. though not visible, they silently support our lives.

~The greatest value of having good friends is not what you get from them, but the better person you become because of them.

~When you’re in pain, don’t fight it.. you’ll just get exhausted. One advice: Feel the pain, until it hurts no more.

~If you don’t act foolish while you’re young, you won’t have anything to smile about when you’re older.

~It’s not about being who everyone else wants you to be.. it’s about being yourself.. and finding someone who loves every bit of it.

~”My only regret in dying is if it’s not for love.” – Florentino Ariza’s father (Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez)

Good night everyone! Happy 1st of November! ^_^ (52 days before Christmas! -according to countdowns found in the world wide web)

..standing still..

2008-10-24T10:15:00.000+08:00

i'm still alive! ^_^ sa kabila ng napakarami kong pinagdaananan, nandito pa rin ako.. at maraming salamat sa mga taong nanatiling kasama at kakampi ko.. lalo na sa mga hindi napagod mahalin at intindihin ako.. sorry pero i'm expecting all of you to be with me for the next 22 years of my life.. hehe.. wala kayong kawala! haha. i love you so much my dearly beloved BEST, TRUEST, COOLEST family and friends.. hindi ko na iisa-isahin pa kung sino kayo.. alam ko naman na kung sino yung TOTOO at kung sino yung nagpapanggap lang.. :p

medyo matagal akong nawala.. i went to isabela for mom and dad's wedding.. the place was nice, but then again, THERE'S NO BETTER PLACE THAN HOME.. ^_^

i went back immediately after the wedding.. i arrived on Sunday morning.. went to Feast with Papa, was blessed by God's message through Arun, AND was surprised by the "party" prepared by my loveliest girlfriends, mae and alpha.. kaya pala bigla na lang sumama si mae dito at hindi nagrereply si alpha.. may mga balak pala sila.. at ang dami pang kasabwat.. tsk.. hehe.. pero grabe, super mega over na-touch at na-shock ako.. LALO NA SA FLOWERS! grabe, for the first time in my entire life, nakatanggap ako ng BOUQUET!

SUPER THANK YOU GIRLS! (i know na-touch din si marshee.. we were both teary-eyed, actually naiyak na talaga ako sa sobrang pagka-overwhelm.. i'm still in awe.. indescribable yung feeling..)

by the way, did i mention na ako ang nakasalo ng bouquet sa simbahan (sa wedding nina Mommy Yet at Daddy Mike)?? haha.. but it was just for the sake of the pictorial, so no worries.. besides, wala pa naman akong groom.. hehe..

during the days that i wasn't able to go online (because of some things), i had so many thoughts in mind..

but now that i already have the access, biglang wala na akong maisip.. i still can't get over the blessings and surprises i received during the previous week..

basta I AM HAPPY! yun na! hehe. thanks thanks people! i super love all of you! *BIG HUG*

*****

some text messages..

*Every person passing through this life will unknowingly leave something and take something away. Most of this "something" cannot be heard or seen or numbered. It does not show up in a census but nothing counts without it. -Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten

*Don't let your life be spoiled by the words of an envious few if the rest of the world is busy telling you how great you truly are.

*A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.

*BOB ONG vs. JUAN TAMAD: ang pagmamahal. . .

"parang elevator lang yan e, bakit mo isisiksik ang sarili mo kung wala ng pwesto para sa'yo? e meron namang hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin." -bob ong

"mapuno man ang elevator, sigurado namang babalik ito, at darating ang panahon na makakasakay din ako" -juan tamad

*Sabi nila, "kung sino may kailangan, siya ang dapat lumapit." Pano yung nalulunod? Siya rin ba ang lalapit? Laugh but look beyond the joke. It's not always the people with worries who should come to us for help. Sometimes we need to be sensitive enough to know when to make the first move. Isn't it?

*It is better to wait for years for someone you are sure of, than to grab that chance with someone who picks you up but drops you whenever he/she wants to.

*The person meant for you is the person who will love you even when there's no more reason to love you. For in your nothingness, the one meant for you will find what's lovable in you.

age is just a number..

2008-10-16T09:17:00.000+08:00

"... it's how you carry yourself that matters.." -Jean Garcia

i turned 22 yesterday.. and from the bottom of my heart, i thank everyone who remembered my birthday and made it special by sending me sweet messages (through call, text, friendster, and multiply)..

naglolokohan pa kame ni papa nung 14. sabi niya, 11:45am pa raw ako dapat batiin kasi yun talaga "birth time" ko.. kaya sabi ko yung mga bumati before 11:45am, hindi ko tatanggapin kasi hindi ko pa birthday yun. haha. adik lang. :))

anyway, here are some of the messages i received from my "ate's" in the community..

*"You are created by God to succeed, designed to win, equipped to overcome, anointed to prosper, blessed to become a blessing." -Ate Flory

*"May Jesus, the great master give light to your mind, give peace to your soul, give love to your heart, and bless you always." -Ate Jing

*"Everyday brings new chances to grow, new beauty to see, new plans to do, and goals to pursue. Everyday is a step towards our dream in life." -Ate Ive

but...

... of all the messages I received, this was the most touching:
"Ang dami ng napagdaanan at nalampasan. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger nga daw. Here's to staying stronger and living life longer!"

thank you so much chai! tama ka, i'm getting stronger everyday and with every heartache i overcome.. thanks for being there to support me all the way.. *hug*

sa lahat ng bumati MARAMING SALAMAT! :)

-Ate Jinky
-Ate Betty
-Shy (thank you sa e-card)
-Ayhie
-Omarjay
-Sidh (batch, salamat sa tinapay! super favorite ko yun.. thank you talaga!)
-Tita Monic
-Ruth
-Alpha (heelz ko! thank you talaga!)
-Thothon
-Dantots (nakigamit ka pa talaga ng globe sim para matext lang ako. hehe. salamat!)
-Rona
-Ate Glenda
-Daddy Choi (punta ka na dito! sabi mo uwi ka ng October?? hmp! hehe. peace. salamat salamat! yung pili nuts ko ha? wag mong kalimutan! hehe.)
-Patrick Iho (salamat sa movie at sa card. love it! thanks thanks iho!)
-Mae (soul sis! grabe, thank you kasi kahit pagod ka na, dumaan ka pa rin dito.. at sinama mo pa si Bloi, bagong sis na naman. ^_^)
-Bloi (hope to get to know you better. ^_^)
-Binoy
-Kuya Ian (thank you thank you kasi kahi 40 days ng Dad mo ngayon, pumunta pa rin kayo ni Cat. salamat po uli!)
-Jireh (salamat sa pagpapabati mo. ^_^)
-Kuya Jophet
-Renzy
-Felix (isa sa mga hindi ko expected na makakaalala.. hehe.. pero thank you talaga!)
-Paul
-Ate Gemma (thank you rin sa message ate. *hug*)
-Kuya Cesar
-Cat
-Kuya Don (naman kuya! I LOVE YOU! yun na! mula pa nung nagsisimula ako sa community, hanggang ngayon, hindi mo pa rin ako iniiwan.. hindi ka napapagod.. sobrang salamat talaga!)
-Chai
-Ate Flory
-Ate Ghen
-Eds
-Wei (salamat sa pansit at sa cute na cute na gift. ^_^)
-Kuya Rap
-Ate Cynthia
-Jean
-Toper
-Mercy (grabe mers! na-miss kita! salamat sa pag-alala)
-Tita Ana
-Joebet
-Rain
-Ate Jing
-Ate Ive
-Ken
-Lei
-JB
-Jose
-Czarina
-Kuya Pip
-Vhel
-Zhel (salamat sa lengua de gato! ^_^)
-Alvin (sabi mo ittreat mo ako diba? hehe.)
-Jenny
-Kuya Vino
-Mom & Dad (wohoo! ikakasal na kayo! i'll see you tomorrow!)
-Jen
-Ate Kathy (sobrang thank you po.. pleasant surprise din yung message mo ate.)
-Dawn (buddy! i miss you!)
-Ate Sol (ate, super thank you po.)
-Theng
-Melai
-Undo (ok lang kahit late.. sabi ko nga kay kuya vino, "better late than never" hehe..)
-Ate Nheng
-Ate Leah
-Osang
-Eloisa
-Hollyfaith (sa friendster.. thank you! ^_^)
-Hannah (purp! rappel tayo!)
-Shezha (i miss you!)
-Mary Anne
-Ge
-Nhel
-Gel
-Doneck
-Kuya Gilbert
-Marshee (sis! happy birthday saten! aylabyu! yung pearl necklace bibilhin talaga naten yun! mwah!)
-Kuya Joey (wow! habol ka pa kuya! hehe. salamat salamat po! hi kay ate!)
-JC & JL (sa inyong dalawa, salamat na rin sa pagbati.. ok lang naman kahit di niyo na naalala. haha. peace! pakasaya kayo! masaya ako! ^_^)

at..

higit sa lahat..

dun sa isang taong nagtext saken na ito ang sinabi: "Ako yung iniisip mo (sana) na akala mo nakalimutan ko na birthday mo. Di na ako magpapakilala basta one day malalaman mo na, 'ah ok siya pala yun' sabay tatawa ka nalang.. :-p"

kung sino ka man, maraming salamat.. bahala ka, ayaw mong magpakilala e..

at eto, lastly, bago ako mag-log out at magpatuloy sa pagliligpit ng mga gamit papuntang isabela, share ko lang yung nabasa kong verse kagabi.. sakto rin sa birthday ko..

from Wisdom 4:7-8. "The upright, even if he dies before his time, will be at rest. Honorable age does not depend on the length of days, nor is the number of years a true measure of life." Indeed, it's not so much about how long you live but HOW WELL you live. na-connect ko rin sa isa sa most-loved movies ever ko: Tuck Everlasting. there's a line there that says, "Don't fear death, but rather the unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live!"

22 na ako.. at HAPPY ako.. kasi buhay pa ako (literally and figuratively)!! ^_^

sabi nga ni vhel, one year na rin daw pala ang nakakaraan.. sabi rin niya, one year na nga daw.. at oo! one year na nga ang lumipas.. at ako? eto, buhay pa.. mas matibay, at mas masaya! ^_^

sorry na lang, pero you can't bring me down.. hehe.. i'm alive and well.. because God has been, and will always be with me. ^_^

again, salamat sa lahat ng taong nanatiling kakampi ko.. lalo na dun sa mga nanindigang "walang iwanan!" ^_^

salamat uli! God bless everyone! until Sunday (when I get back from Isabela).. ^_^

i want to..

2008-10-14T18:16:00.000+08:00

..................................

..................................

SLEEP! hehe.. it's the greatest gift i could ever give myself.

good night people! ^_^

late post.

2008-10-13T19:46:00.000+08:00

*Sometimes, it's not love.. sometimes, you had just become so attached that you have developed a need for that person.. JUST A NEED.. NOT LOVE..
[hmm.. so goes "i love you because i need you?" too bad.. in that case, persons are not treated as PERSONS but as OBJECTS - something we can use to satisfy our needs.. tsk. tsk.]

*No person has the right to condemn your heart because no one knows how much you're hurting. [true.]

*Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't appreciate you the way you should be appreciated. Don't ever settle for mediocrity, for being just an option, for being the one who's just fun to be with, for being the one who's always there, desperately waiting for mere concern or pity; or someone who likes you just because he/she knows he's/she's got the power to break you. Don't settle because deep down, you know who you are, and you know without a doubt that you deserve better if not the best.
>>need i say more? i learned this the hard way. just a little sharing. when i was in high school i had a list of qualities that i want my man to have. i listed around 40 qualities - from physical appearance to talents and skills to attitude.. in short, i've come up with my "ideal man".. a guy friend told me that i'm looking for mr. perfect and that unfortunately, he doesn't exist, so even if i wait forever, he will never ever come.. because there's no such being.. i didn't listen to him.. instead, i remained hopeful (and prayerful) that someday, i'll meet him - the man who would meet all my "requirements".. and then a guy came.. and eventually (after a year) i fell in love with him.. during the first few months, i was consulting my checklist.. good thing, he had some of the qualities listed there.. but as i get to know him more, i also began to take my checklist for granted.. one reason was that i could no longer find qualities of him that matches any of those written on my list.. another thing was, i was fooled by my heart when it told me that "when you love a person, you love ALL of him, no if's, no but's, no questions asked.." stupidity ruled, and my logical brain wasn't able to win over my illogical heart. and after almost three years of living in a fantasy world (where i claimed that our relationship was perfect), i woke up from a nightmare that almost killed me. it took me a year to recover from such pain. and then came another.. and i thought he'd be "it".. he promised to take care of me, protect me, and love me more than the previous guy did. i remember him texting my 1st ex that he (the 2nd ex) won't hurt me the same way that my 1st ex did. well, true enough, he didn't hurt me the same way, he did worse than that. haha. well at least he didn't lie when he said that. (and sad to say, after learning everything that i need to know about him, i'm thinking that was the only TRUTH he has ever told.. everything else was a LIE..) so what's my point? i don't know either. hehe. i'm lost. :)) well, just recently, on one of my "thinking days", i came up with this WHAT IF: "What if I strictly followed the requirements/standards that I've set? What if I really waited for the man who possesses ALL of those qualities?" Only two things could happen, either I'd be waiting forever and eventually die alone OR I would be the happiest person in the whole universe - free from PAIN and HEARTACHES and would not have experienced emotional death.. BUT.. I wouldn't have grown this strong either. And man, the lessons that I learned from those two guys and the failed relationships I had with them are PRICELESS. I may have lost them (and I may have also lost some of my precious time, effort, understanding, tears, and much much genuine love) but I have gained WISDOM, which is more valuable. ^_^ Why am I sharing this? Because I want to. hehe. Seriously, I just want to write. Actually, i was supposed to post text messages only.. but as you can see, it didn't end with just text messages. hehe. well, that's just me.. ^_^

and i also want to say this: stop blaming people. we all get hurt, and we, too, intentionally or not, hurt others as well. so let's just stop pointing our fingers to anyone. why don't we just accept the fact that we, too, commit mistakes, and that sometimes, we are also the ones who hurt ourselves? the best way to heal your broken soul is to admit that you've been hurt not just by people, but also by your own foolish heart (or even sometimes, your illogical mind). forgive those who hurt you, but more than that, forgive yourself. learn. let go. move on. that's it. then you'd find out that indeed, THERE'S ALWAYS A RAINBOW/SUNSHINE AFTER THE RAIN. (kung gabi man dumating yung ulan, hindi mo na nga makikita yung rainbow at sunshine, pero for sure, kinabukasan, liliwanag na uli. -para sa mga pilosopo diyan. hehe. naniniguro lang. haha.) ^_^

*Until God sends me my angel on earth to love and to cherish forever, I will be content to be alone. I will wait until the day God will say, "Here is the one for you. Live happily ever after, your name is written on his heart." [cute! ^_^]

*Life is too short to stress yourself with people who do not even deserve to be an issue in your life. [naman! haha.]

*You start to get hurt the moment you begin to care. [especially if that care isn't appreciated, worse, if the one you care for takes you for granted or doesn't even know you exist.. c'mon! emo! :p]

*You will always know what you want.. Oftentimes, you just don't know what you are willing to give up for it. [hmmm..]

I've been over busy these days.. there's a lot that I'd like to share.. maybe next time.. maybe.. ^_^

fail quickly..

2008-10-07T18:34:00.000+08:00

can't help but share this beautiful insight from Bo Sanchez:

*note: watch the video and listen to the prayer. ^_^

10.07.08

You are not a victim when you go through failure, it is simply a message from God telling you: "try again!"

lift it up... He's building something greater within you.

Law of Seeds: Not every seed will become a tree.
>>Not every effort that you do will bear fruit and become an achievement.

all you need is one tree.. and you may have 500 seeds.. but one tree is all you need to bear fruit..

in your life you're gonna get rejected.. in your life you will have failures.. but God will be using those failures..

Failure is a part of life.

FAIL QUICKLY.. so that you can try again.. ^_^

i remember this popular Billi Lim book: DARE TO FAIL.

that's all.. need to do lots of stuffs..

til next post. good night people! God bless! ^_^

another long post.. ^_^

2008-10-06T12:13:00.000+08:00

been sooooooooo busy.. MP, exam, SFC production, tutorial, and a lot more..

and because i wasn't able to blog during the previous days, babawi ako ngayon.. hehe.. i still have a lot to do actually, but i already have so many things/thoughts to share.. i can't wait any longer.. ^_^

*****
on friendship.. [got this from our upper household..]
*read: Sirach 6:5-17

A friend in need is a friend indeed. -cliche but still and will always be true.

Don't judge the book by its cover. -another cliche, but here's another way to look at it: Hindi lahat ng mabait sa'yo, mabait hanggang huli. we really need to discern well before we trust someone, because sometimes, in as much as we don't want it to happen, our best friend can become our worst enemy.

The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away. -a true friend tells you the truth no matter how painful it is, BUT he/she does it in the most loving way possible.

A good friend remembers what we were and sees what we will be. -knows your past, your dreams, and your goals.

*Crash and Burn [Savage Garden] (i remember Leah Natividad, she gave us a copy of this song during our last days in high school.) -sometimes, you don't have to say anything to cheer up a friend.. all you have to do is BE THERE. your presence is enough. ^_^

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

*Friends are expressions of God's love. [and that's why i feel that i'm being loved deeply by God.. because i have not just good friends, but the best ones. ^_^]

*****

text messages for the soul.. [hehe. just some of the messages that made me smile, think, and smile again. ^_^]

Mornings are meant to be shared with special people in our lives, and I want to share my fresh morning with someone that makes it worth starting. [yihee! ^_^]

If ever you'll find someone who makes you smile through storms, comforts you til sun down, face the fact.. keep and never let go of that person theres NO RIGHT ONE when the REAL ONE comes along. [this may be true if you're talking about friendship, but if this is about romantic relationship, i disagree. yes, these things matter but no, they're not enough. and i still believe that the RIGHT ONE exists. you just have to wait. ^_^ (i've been a victim of this thinking, please save yourself. finding a real person is easy, finding the right one is difficult.)]

If you feel like no one cares about you, think again.. look in the mirror.. because the person you see needs you more than anyone else. [yeba! i love this one.]

If I could sum up all the causes of hurt, pain, and hatred in one word, it's just.. EXPECTATION. [well, i have my own version.. it's just.. (alam na ni mae yun. haha.)]

When you love someone, spare a little love for yourself. Enjoy other things around you and don't ever let your world REVOLVE around him/her. Ano ka? EARTH? tapos siya SUN? [haha. napost ko na rin ata 'to dati e.]

Happy thoughts remove life's pressures. They have healing powers that uplifts the spirit and lead to a blissful life. Think happy thoughts always. [^_^]

We spend our whole lives telling ourselves that everything happens for a reason. When in reality, we just give reasons for everything that happens. [yun na yun! the fact that we're able to give reasons to them, means that indeed, they have reasons. hehe. ang gulo ba? basta lahat may dahilan. at tayo lang din ang makakapagsabi kung ano nga yung kahulugan/purpose nila sa buhay naten. ^_^]

A wasted moment can make you regret so bad. A single mistake can change your whole life. Now, do you see how little things you ignore meant everything when they're gone? [...]

Part of the fantasy of every betrayed person is that one day, the person who hurt you will come back and answer all your questions, and apologize for hurting you. But the thing is.. THEY WON'T. They'll die a liar and will feel good about themselves. That's how selfish they are. They can't give you closure, you have to find it yourself. You get angry with them. Then you get over them. Bless them in your mind and have peace with yourself. When or if that person comes back, you can say "HI" and "GOODBYE" in the same sentence. -Oprah- [tsk. tsk. sad naman yun. oh well. i still believe in the capability of a person to change for the better. i know God will touch them soon. but i like the last part of the statement. "Then you get over them. Bless them in your mind and have peace with yourself. When or if that person comes back, you can say "HI" and "GOODBYE" in the same sentence". this is so true.]

It's one of those days that you just popped into my mind. And I don't know why or how. Nevertheless, I feel it's okay. Because anyway, the thought of you made me smile. [yihee uli! hehe.]

Bravery is saying NO to what you believe is NO. Sacrifice is saying NO to what you think is YES. Confidence is saying YES to what you think is YES. Trusting is saying YES to what you think is NO. [kaya naman, discern well before you trust. ^_^]

Reminder: Don't make the same mistake twice.. madami pang kasalanan dyan.. try mo yung iba.. haha.. [kalokohan lang. pero seryoso yung first part, learn from your mistake, wag ng ulitin pa yun. kasi raw ang pagkakamali, pag naulit pa, sinasadya na raw yun.]

Pastor: Next Sunday I'll preach about the sin of lying. To understand more, I want you all to read Mark Chapter 17.
(The following Sunday...)
Pastor: How many of you read Mark Chapter 17?
(Almost every hand went up except for a guy who dressed like a gangster.)
Pastor: Why my son? You haven't read what I told you?
Guy: Well I can't seem to find the 17th chapter.
Pastor: (smiled) Mark has only 16 chapters. Let's now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying..
[ayy.. sinong guilty? ako aamin.. pero hindi sa pagbabasa ng Bible.. minsan kasi nalilimutan kong ipagpray yung ibang concerns ng mga tao. kaya ngayon, may prayer notebook na ako.. para siguradong lahat mapagdadasal ko. kaya guys, if you have prayer concerns, lalo na yung urgent, text/pm lang kayo. i'll pray for you until God grants your petitions or until He reveals a better plan. ^_^]

A simple thought to live by: When you fall, there will always be people at your back rejoicing at your loss. But that shouldn't bother you, because it only proves that you're the object of envy to people who are desperate to reach your level. [naks! yun e! hehe. medyo mayabang lang ang dating. pero if it helps boost your confidence, go and live by it. just make sure it won't get into your head. i'm sure you all know what i mean. ^_^]

eto na lang muna. next time uli. ^_^

*****

tiring but fulfilling weekend.. [just some updates on me and the things i've been busy with.. hehe..]

Friday: Chapter Assembly. thank you sa lahat ng message ng mga nag-honor. at sa lahat ng bumati. at lalong lalo na sa pagkanta nina Kuya Don, Pao, Wei, at Tin ng Saving Grace.

Saturday: Exam. Novena. Mass. Parangal Kay Maria. whew! sobrang nakakapagod. in charge kasi ang SFC sa production. pero masaya naman. very fulfilling. nag-enjoy din ako sa performance ng iba't ibang groups sa Parish, lalo na yung sa Escuela de Sto. Rosario. ang galing ng mga bata. higit sa lahat, masayang maglakad pauwi kasama si Kuya Don at si Ate Glenda. ang sarap makipag-usap sa kanila. at syempre, may bago na naman akong natutunan: UNITED WE STAND, UNITED WE FALL. i'm sure most, if not all of us, know the song "Yesterday's Dream".. "for united we stand, divided we fall.." wala lang.. may bagong version lang si Kuya Don na galing daw kay Kuya Cesar. ^_^ ibang meaning lang ng kanta.. "UNITED WE STAND, UNITED WE FALL" means WALANG SISIHAN. tipong in good and bad times, magkakampi tayo. eto dapat ang motto ng bawat community/group. dun kasi minsan nagkakaroon ng tampuhan e. when things go wrong, people choose to look for someone else to put the blame on, without realizing that they too, have responsibilities. sana ma-adopt naten yung attitude na "walang iwanan".. at higit sa lahat, walang sisihan.

Sunday: Feast with my family, Mae and Izzy. Facial with Mae. Practice for Caroling. Tutorial.
ang ganda ng Homily ni Father Romy Castro. five words: GOD IS CRAZY FOR YOU! He'll do anything for us. He loves us so much that He made the craziest decision of sending His only Son to save us and to bring us back to Him. God is truly, madly, deeply in love with us. E tayo, kanino ba tayo truly, madly, deeply in love? To whom do we dedicate the song, "Crazy for You"? some things to ponder on. ^_^

lastly, let me share what i read last night. Matthew 5:1-12. The Beatitudes.
ang nice ng commentary sa Bible ko, and that's what i'll be posting. ^_^

In the Beatitudes, the kingdom of God is at the same time the land of Palestine promised to the children of Abraham and the land where peace reigns, for God is present there. Those who hunger for justice will be given both bread and the holiness of God, because in the Bible, justice also signifies: being as God wishes us to be. Because of this, Jesus tells us that we shall be satisfied or consoled. Our consolation on earth is to know and see that God loves us and cares for us and in spite of all, can overturn the situation for the oppressed. It is also to know that even when it seems he does not hear our prayer, our cross has meaning and purpose. Finally we must not forget that in our future life God will give us more than we could ever hope for or merit.

"Fortunate the persecuted" - Matthew, like Luke, develops this last beatitude, for, no matter wherever we are, we cannot live the Gospel without suffering persecution.

ayun lang. trabaho muna uli. ^_^

God bless everyone! Smile. God everywhere, in all, knows all. [Psalm 139] ^_^

movie lines..

2008-10-01T11:32:00.000+08:00

i may have posted some of these already..

i did some cleaning last night (because i'm already bleeding from 131. sigh.) and i saw some of these old notes.. lines from movies/books/television show that caught my attention, moved me, or simply made me think. ^_^

>>movies<<

Tuck Everlasting:

*For some, time passes slowly; an hour can seem an eternity. For others, there's never enough.

*Don't fear death, but rather the unlived life. You don't have to live forever. You just have to live.

Lord of the Rings:

"If you trust nothing else, trust this, trust US!" -Arwen to Aragon-

*A woman's heart is a sea of deep secrets.

The Time Machine:

*Nothing can ever change what has happened.

*One generation passeth and another cometh, but the earth abide us forever.

*There are things better left unsaid.

*We don't dwell in the past, we remember them.. with peace.

*Sometimes we need to accept what's happening to us even though we don't want to. Another times, we have to fight even if we are afraid.

*When the truth is horrible, it will haunt your dreams for all time.

*You are haunted by the two most terrible words: "What If?"

Sweet Home Alabama:

*We all have our little secrets.

"So you have a past.. I mean, who doesn't? What I need to know is if there is a place for me in your future." -Andrew- [aww! ^_^]

Awakenings:

*The human spirit is more powerful than any chemical drug, and it's the one thing that should be nourished.

A Cinderella Story:

*Nothing is impossible if you just believe.

Gods and Generals:

*War is the sum of all evils.

*As a Christian man, my first allegiance is to God.

"..my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death, I do not concern myself with that." -General Thomas Jackson- [such great faith!]

*You (God) find(s) the truth in the deepest pit of darkness.

*We must never ignore the unknown or the unpredictable.

Big Fish:

*Sometimes, the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring. [haha. is that so? nakakuha tuloy ng idea yung iba dyan. hehe.]

*Having a kid changes everything. [so they say. ^_^]

*It came to me that the reason for my growth is that I'm meant for larger things. [yeah!]

*The more difficult something becomes, the more rewarding it is in the end. [i also think so.]

*It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you are going to offend. [keyword: respect.]

*They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that's true! What they don't tell you is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.

*I may not have much.. but I have more determination than any man you're likely to meet.

*The biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught.

*Everyday is a new adventure.

****

>>TV Show<<

Forever in My Heart [GMA7]

*The sweetest sound in this world is the one that only the heart can hear.

*Sometimes you need to get lost to find love.

*Truth makes love grow. LIES KILL IT! [i put emphasis on this because this is very much true. take it from me. *wink*]

*When you are in love, you can endure any pain the world throws at you. [but the human heart also has a limit. too much pain kills.. or.. it can make you numb.]

****

>>book<<

Eleven Minutes [Paulo Coelho]

*When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side.

*How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly?

*Life moves very fast. It rushes us from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.

*Making mistakes is just part of life.

*Sometimes, you get no second chance. [true! so love well. live well. never take things and people for granted.]

*If I must be faithful to someone or something, then I have, first of all, to be faithful to myself. If I'm looking for true love, I first have to get the mediocre loves out of my system.

*The little experience of life I've had has taught me that no one owns anything.. that everything is an illusion.

*Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs finally comes to realize that nothing really belongs to them.

*It's best to live as if today were the first (or last) day of my life.

*Dreaming is very pleasant as long as you are not forced to put your dreams into practice.

*I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of a treasure. It's all a question of how I view my life. [i agree!]

*The roller coaster is my life. Life is a fast, dizzying game; life is a parachute jump, it's taking chances, falling over and getting up again; it's mountaineering, it's wanting to get to the very top of yourself and to feel angry and disappointed when you don't manage it.

*If I believe that the track is my destiny and that God is in charge of the machine, then the nightmare becomes thrilling. It becomes exactly what it is, a roller coaster ride, a safe, reliable toy, which will eventually stop, but while the journey lasts, I must look at the surrounding landscape and whoop with excitement.

*Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself as its most brilliant.

*It is not time that change man, nor knowledge; the only thing that can change someone's mind is LOVE.

*That's what the world is like: people talk as if they knew everything, but if you dare to ask a question, they don't know anything.

*Freedom only exist when love is present. [c'mon! love again. all we need is love, love, love. ^_^]

*In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel.

*This is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.

*Passion sends us signals that guide us through our lives, and its up to us to interpret those signs.

*Considering the way the world is, one happy day is almost a miracle.

*The great aim of every human being is to understand the meaning of total love. Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with. [i told you all we need is love. ^_^]

*But if we are talking in terms of making progress in life, we must understand that 'good enough' is very different from 'best.'

*Life is too short or too long for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly.

tamang isip, tamang tawa. ^_^

2008-09-30T15:35:00.000+08:00

*I was searching for true love but I couldn't find one. To my surprise, I found HIM hanging on the cross, dying for my sins. A man named JESUS.

*When things get awfully tiring, seek for silence. Most of the time, the loudest lessons are found at the most quiet corners of our lives. [In the stillness, God is there. ^_^]

*Learn to write your hurts in sand where waves of forgiveness can erase them easily; but carve your blessings in rocks so no one can wash them away.

*NEVER LOVE TWO people at the SAME TIME.. because.. even if you say you LOVE ONE of them MORE.. you might END up LOSING THEM BOTH. [naman! take it from us! diba soul sis? *wink*]

*Our generation had destroyed the Christian virtues. Charity is now a sweepstakes. Hope is now a cigarette. Grace is now a G.R.O. Heaven is now a motel. And Trust is now a condom. What a mess! [tsk. tsk. may point yung gumawa ng message na ito. but we must not be disheartened. let the change begin in us. let's make a difference and make this world a better, holier place.]

*I don't need someone perfect.. don't even need a wealthy one.. I just need someone who can understand and who can be with me in times I'm under my unwanted attitude. [tama! yung HINDI MAPAPAGOD mahalin at tanggapin ako! ehem. excuse me po. hehe.]

*Life is full of reasons to enjoy, to suffer, to fight, to give up. But there's only one reason why life is beautiful: it's when you live life by LOVE. [Amen! all we need is GOD. GOD is LOVE. all we need is LOVE. ^_^]

*It's when we surrender to God's will that we are strongest. -Kris Aquino. ^_^

*We choose how we see people. When we want to like someone, we can be so tolerant. When we want to be irritated by people, we focus on their faults. It's not other people's behaviour that determines how we feel about them, it's our attitude. [para sa'yo: sinabi ko na rin 'to dati. so wag mo sabihing nagbago ako, dahil hindi ako nagbago, yung pagtingin mo saken ang nagbago. (uy, naintriga sila kung para kanino yung message na yun. haha. oh well. alam niyo na yun. actually, hindi naman yun isang tao lang e. naman! ayan, marami ng clue. hehe.)]

*The simplest way to please God is not to repay all the blessings we received from Him but to pass them on. [nice! same as "pay it forward" ^_^]

*Love is like a stapler - it's easy to attach but hard to detach. And the worst is, when you're able to detach it, it still leaves the paper damaged. [hmm. tama rin.]

and now.. the not-so-serious/light/cute/funny text messages.

*Be a person full of love and life. Stay simple yet happy. When things go wrong, don't go blue. Just say, "I'll get through." Always remember, God loves you. Tapos I'm here pa for you! Oh diba? [haha. natawa na lang ako nung nabasa ko yung last part. pero aminin, kahit pano nakaka-touch din naman. hehe.]

*Reasons not to have a girlfriend/boyfriend:
1. Mas mura babayaran sa jeep. (Kasi wala ng ihahatid o susunduin.)
2. Mas mabubusog ka na. (Wala ng ka-share sa food.) [pabor sken 'to! haha.]
3. Kay nanay ka na lang magpapaalam. [naman! attention: over-protective bf/gf]
4. Pwede na mag-inom o mag-yosi hanggang gusto mo kahit saan. [well, dito hindi ako agree. hindi dahil single ka e pwede mo ng patayin sarili mo sa bisyo. disiplina pa rin.]
5. Wala ng buwanang gastos. (Monthsary.) [hehe.]
6. Wala ng magagalit pag nakikipag-usap ka sa ibang boys/girls. [c'mon! attention: over-selosong bf/gf. tsk. tsk. wala na sa lugar yung pagseselos.]
7. Wala ng dahilan para magalit o umiyak. [naman!!! sana lang e tumigil na rin sila diba? hehe.]
MABUHAY LAHAT NG SINGLE! [yeba! natuwa ako sa text message na 'to from mark. hindi lang talaga ako agree sa #4.]

*Kung sabi ng puso mo, "mahal mo siya".. at sabi ng utak mo, "huwag, hindi tama".. dapat sabihin mo: "O ikaw atay, bituka, kidney.. baka gusto niyo rin magcomment.." [haha! kausapin ba ang internal organs? sana lang sumagot sila diba? hehe.]

*Flashback makes you smile: sabi nila hindi ka raw naging bata kung hindi mo natikman ang nectar ng santan. [haha. aamin ako, natikman ko na yun. hehe. dami kameng santan dito e. haha.]

*BATA1: "Lahat tayo nagmula kay Eba at Adan."
BATA2: "Hindi yan totoo. Sabi ng Papa ko nagmula tayo sa unggoy."
BATA1: "Hindi naten pinag-uusapan pamilya mo, wag kang epal."
[haha. bastusan.]

*Anak: Tay! Good news!
Tatay: O ano yun?
Anak: Diba sabi niyo sa bawat pasadong subject ko bibigyan niyo ako ng 100?
Tatay: Oo naman. Bakit?
Anak: Makakatipid ka na naman ngayon. :-D
[hehe. kung ikaw yung tatay, matutuwa ka ba o maiinis? haha. kalokohan lang.]

next time uli. ^_^

would you say yes?

2008-09-27T18:02:00.000+08:00

..was so sleepy last night that i wasn't able to post this..

my brother loves Flyleaf, and it's obvious in his multiply and friendster accounts.

last night, he asked me to interpret the meaning of a certain song: "Cassie"

he showed me the lyrics and as i read between the lines, i had one thing in mind: this song is about one's courage to fight and die for what one believes in. and true enough, it was the message of the song.

the song was a tribute to cassie and rachel, victims of the columbine high school shooting.

you could read a lot of stuff about them and they would all lead to this: cassie was asked if she believed in God; she said yes. and she was killed.

it's the same question we ought to answer with conviction. would we say yes even if it'll cost our lives?

SFC's vision is this: A generation of LEADERS and MARTYRS.

during my quiet time, i read this verse from Revelation 12:11, "They conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they gave up their lives going to death."

are we willing to die for our faith? be martyrs for the Lord?

i remember a verse from Matthew 10 (Discipleship and Its Cost), "Whoever saves his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, will find it."

HE DIED FOR US! LET'S LIVE [AND DIE] FOR HIM!

here's the lyrics of the song. really, it's something we could reflect on.

CASSIE

The question asked in order
To save her life or take it
The answer no to avoid death
The answer yes would make it
Make it

[Chorus]
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

All heads are bowed in silence
To remember her last sentence
She answered him knowing what would happen
Her last words still hanging in the air
(In the air)

[Chorus]
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

How many will die?
I will die
I, I will say yes

[Chorus]
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

Do you believe in God?
Do you believe in God?
Do you believe in God?

... And I will pull the trigger

Good night everyone! Be blessed. Be a blessing! ^_^